First Light, Second Chances
by KNeu24264
Summary: Sequel to Never-Ending Midnight- Set during Breaking Dawn: Still reeling from one of the hardest years of her life, Leandra turns her focus on the challenges of growing up and the importance of strengthening friendships. Facing her own weaknesses head on seems easy with the strength of family behind her, but there is a lot more there than anyone can possibly anticipate. RATED M.
1. Chapter 1

**OPENING NOTES!  
Here we go again, guys. Keeping with my tradition, I have a few things I need to point out.  
1) Though the plot follows the 'Breaking Dawn' story line, ****I don't own anything Twilight related. Unfortunately. You know that by now, I'm sure. The only things I do claim to own are my own characters, or those you don't recognize from SM's work. It's her world. My characters just play there.  
2) All my characters are entirely fictional, meaning that whatever they do to each other is completely fictional as well. I have to stress that.  
3) I'm rating this story 'M', meaning there's a good chance that the content will include stuff that people under 'M' shouldn't be reading. Proceed at your own risk. I do my best to stick to the guidelines provided by this site. Just be thankful those guidelines are there lol  
I think that about covers anything. As always, I appreciate each and every review I get. I'd love to read your thoughts! :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter One**

I was stealthy. Nobody would hear me up. Nobody would know-

"Shorty, get back into bed."

Damn.

Instead of following Emmett's suggestion, I left my room. As nervous as I was, I felt better being out of there. I put on my best pout as I stopped in the hallway, hoping I'd get my way again tonight. I wasn't sure why I ever doubted.

Looking my way from their various seating positions, were Emmett, Esme and Carlisle.

"Again, shorty?" Emmett asked, and I could only give him a sheepish, apologetic nod.

"Please?" I asked, biting my lip. He sighed, and patted the empty couch cushion between him and Carlisle. I sighed in relief and wasted no time in crossing the room.

"Like clockwork." He pointed out as I settled onto the couch, laying down and curling into a tiny ball. My head beside Emmett's leg, my feet beside Carlisle's. Taking the couch pillow Emmett offered and the blanket draped over the back of the couch as he dropped it on me. "Go to sleep, shorty." Taking his advice, my eyes closed. I didn't miss his glance to Carlisle before I did.

It'd been this way for two weeks now. It was a very rough phase I was stuck in now, ever since Jack's undeniably fatal "car accident". I was never given any details, but I didn't ask. All I knew was that there was no way anyone would survive something like that.

Since that night, I couldn't spend much time in my room.

My skin still crawled, despite how my bruises had healed faster than I thought they would. Physically I was perfectly fine, but mentally was a whole different story. Because of the way Jack's visit had ended, I was never allowed to tell anyone about what happened that day. It was a secret I knew I was capable of keeping, but because of that, I hadn't been allowed to see any of my friends. Until I healed, I couldn't see anyone unless I wanted to explain where the marks and bruises came from.

Heather had been by, though. To see me, and to assure us that she wouldn't say anything. It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened after Emmett dragged Jack out of my room, and Heather was plenty smart enough to figure it out. She knew it wasn't a car accident that took his life, but she'd given her statement to the police about her brief stay in the hospital. Saying it'd only been her here to see me.

I didn't know how that talk went with Mark, her husband, but she seemed okay when I saw her. Aside from a nasty bruise down the side of her face, she was okay.

I was never questioned. After the evidence Richard, Andrew's dad, had submitted, they were pretty hesitant to bother me with it. If Richard was suspicious, he never pressed much harder than asking my family a few questions. He was probably just as relieved as everyone else to be rid of him, so he took the story at face value.

Car accident. Case closed.

Every night since that day, though, I had my own problems. I'd attempt to sleep in my room, but it never failed. A nightmare, a memory would wake me up before I was asleep thirty minutes.

Ever since Jack had been here, I hated being in there. Even with the door open, even with the light on. The bed had been replaced and moved. The bedding thrown out, and replaced as well. That didn't matter.

Even being allowed to fall asleep on the couch, and being moved back to my room didn't work. Even if I didn't wake at being lifted from the couch, I'd wake ten minutes after being settled back in bed, and it'd start all over again. The _feel_ was the same. I knew that much.

The subject of sleep medication had been brought up, and yet again, I refused. No matter how hard the days were or how tired I was, I refused. Accepting it would take a whole lot of trust I was still afraid to give, and I also knew it would just make everything worse.

Because of this new phase I'd fallen into, I just didn't have the energy or focus I needed to even think about talking about my gift, or what everyone else thought about it. I needed to come to terms with it myself first, but it was _so_ hard to do that.

I had a feeling that this gift of mine had a lot to do with my sleeplessness as well. I still remember how scared I was when what I'd _dreamed_ about had actually happened. That realization was scary in itself. There was no way to describe it, but I never talked about it. I didn't want to.

Nothing they tried had helped.

Unable to get sleep in my own room, I'd make my way out into the living room, and sleep on the couch. Often too exhausted to care how loud they were, which wasn't loud at all. They hardly made any noise.

Carlisle didn't like the idea of me being out here. He said it was because that no matter how quiet they were, I was such a light sleeper, I'd stir at the slightest movement or sound. Even if they were completely silent, I'd still somehow sense the movement in the room.

Sometimes they could get away with it, but it was anyone's guess when I'd hear them. I wouldn't get the rest I needed. I denied it, because I never remembered being woken up, but the evidence didn't lie. The dark circles under my eyes, and my constant exhaustion proved that he was right.

Every one of the other bedrooms had been offered to me, but I wasn't comfortable accepting them. Those were their rooms. Their place to go to get away from my scent. I avoided going into their rooms at all costs, just for that very reason. Them disappearing into their rooms didn't help, we quickly learned, as I found it difficult to fall and stay asleep with the living room empty.

The only way I could get any sleep at all, was around my family. Right here. On the couch.

It bothered me that I had to come out here. It did. I felt so stupid. I felt stupid because here I was, only a week away from turning eleven years old, and I couldn't even sleep in my own bed, but it didn't change the fact that I did. I had to come out here. There was no other choice for me now.

And I felt so guilty for disturbing their nighttime routine. They assured me the only thing that bothered them was that they'd wake me, but that didn't help. I didn't believe them. I knew that part of them wished I'd just stay in bed. Whether for my own health, or so they didn't have to be so careful.

I was told that after Edward and Bella got married, and he moved out, I'd get his room, but that was still a month away. And even then, I'd be alone. There was no guarantee that just moving into another room would be any help at all.

I wasn't sure how much more of this new routine I could take before I would crack.

Jack was gone now, for good this time, yet I still didn't feel safe. In the place I felt safest, I didn't feel safe, because to me, it didn't feel like he was gone. I still saw him every time I closed my eyes. I tried not to think too much about that, to avoid upsetting myself any more. Though I was almost too tired to cry, I didn't want to risk it.

I woke the next morning as I always did. Stretched out instead of in the small, neat ball I'd been in when I fell asleep. Hair a mess, but still exhausted. The only good part of all of it, was the fact that I hadn't slept deep enough to dream in days. Although I knew that wasn't a good thing, it was a good thing to me.

I curled back up on my side, snoozing as I clearly heard Esme getting breakfast ready. That was normal now. Too-tired-to-move was my normal mode.

I worried, though. I worried that soon, I'd be pressured again to take that stupid sleep medication. It was a constant worry, but again. Besides forcing me or tricking me into taking it, there was very little they could do. I was adamant about that.

Hiding my face from the morning daylight pouring in through the windows, I was still awake enough to feel someone sit down on the free end of the couch. I picked my head up enough to look at Alice before I laid back down.

Alice had been one of the most worried about me lately. She'd been hovering for days, and I knew her well enough to know she was going to say something soon. I was preparing myself for that. I knew what she was thinking, and she wouldn't be entirely wrong. I wasn't exactly fighting this gift, but I wasn't helping it either.

"Leandra." She finally did speak. I only hummed in response.

"Leandra." I was surprised at Carlisle's voice from the chair. I really thought it had only been Alice. I knew they wanted me to sit up, so I took a second to stretch before I did so. Sitting up was almost a chore.

"This has to stop." Alice spoke before Carlisle could.

I sighed, covering my face with my hands. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"You need to." Alice reached over and pulled my hands away. "Leandra, why are you so against your room now?"

Did they really not understand? Did I really have to say it? I gave her a flat look.

"Is it the memory of what happened?" She asked anyway. I shrugged a little, looking down. That was a huge part of it. She obviously waited for an answer, so I whined and leaned forward.

"You don't talk about what happened." Carlisle pointed out gently. "There is a lot about that day that we don't know."

"I don't talk about it because I'm trying to forget it." I mumbled toward the floor. "I'm _trying_ to get over it."

"Because that's working _so_ well for you." Alice murmured. My eyes burned in tiredness as I looked over at her.

"What I mean is, we don't know how long he was here with you before Heather arrived." Carlisle explained. "Obviously, there are some concerns."

I frowned. What more would they have to worry about?

"He wasn't here that long before her." I mumbled. "He was about to leave when she showed up."

"How long is not that long?" Alice asked.

"Why?" I frowned even more. There was something I was missing. Why couldn't they just come out and ask what they meant? They waited, so I sighed. "Like.. Twenty minutes. Maybe."

"Did anything happen that we should know about?" Alice asked. I wasn't sure I liked this line of questioning. Mainly because I wasn't catching on. I didn't like not knowing their angle. "There has to be more of a reason why you're so against spending much time in your bedroom. You've never been like this before."

"He's never been in my room before." I pointed out, breathing through a yawn.

"What we're concerned about is what he might have done to you while alone with you." Carlisle finally explained. "A lot can happen in twenty minutes."

I understood, immediately looking down.

"I told you already." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down.

"You have." Carlisle agreed. "But we also know better than anyone your tendency to down-play or downright deny anything you think you can handle yourself."

Dammit.

"You were terrified when Heather showed up." Alice went on, explaining her side. "He told her that he left you alive, and considering the condition and the position you were in when we found you, it's a real worry."

"We didn't even go into my room until Heather showed up." I almost snapped. I stood up. "I don't wanna talk about this."

I walked away.

"Leandra." Alice followed me toward the kitchen. "Please. Be truthful."

"I am." I replied, finding my usual seat at the counter for breakfast. Esme looked over from where she stood finishing up the eggs.

Edward must not have been around enough to get an answer for them either way. I knew he'd never tell them what exactly was in my mind. I trusted him that far, but he _would_ give them an answer to a question like that if he'd known. Understandable, since I refused to let my thoughts dwell on that day for very long.

"Whatever it is, it's not your fault." Alice sat next to me as Carlisle slowly followed. She tried to hug me, but I leaned away. She was making me face things I didn't have the energy to face. I was a little irritated.

"Remember?" She pressed, a little more gently now. "Leandra, that talk you had with Emmett outside has us worried that there's more to it than what you're saying."

I hadn't even considered that. The one confession I'd always guarded so strictly. The one I'd told Emmett about that night. He'd told me that it wasn't my fault, but they definitely had reason to worry if they made that connection. I could see that bridge now. What I told Emmett led straight to what they were worried about now.

They obviously thought that something Jack had done that day had brought that confession out of me.

"No." I finally said. "Nothing like that. I swear. He didn't even have a chance. Pretty much all we did was talk. He got mad about something I said, but it wasn't anything that bad. At least until Heather showed up."

She nodded. "And after?"

I sighed. "I already told you."

"He had time with you while she was unconscious." She pointed out, and I whined. Lowering my head, resting it on my folded arms on the counter.

"I don't wanna talk about it!" I actually yelled that this time. I couldn't help it.

"We can't help you if you-"

"I don't need your help!" I snapped, sitting back up. I was suddenly not that hungry. "I get it. I messed up. I brought all this on myself. Can't you just.. Just stop? Just stop."

I stood up, leaving the kitchen and heading quickly for the bathroom. Closing and locking the door firmly behind me.

My stomach hurt. Not just figuratively, but physically. There was a very uncomfortable ache in my lower stomach, one like I'd only felt a few times before in my life. The last time being well over a year ago. More like two. I whimpered and leaned on the sink. Out of nowhere, the memory made me want to cry.

Maybe I was just too stressed. Probably. I felt different today. The ache I felt was familiar, but in a different way. My emotions were still as strong as they ever were, but in a different way. I felt constantly on the verge of tears, but for different reasons I didn't even know yet.

The bathroom was the only place I could comfortably be alone, so I chose to sit in there. Sitting with my back against the bathtub, my knees slightly drawn up, until I was sure I wasn't going to be hounded for answers I'd already tried to give them. It wasn't my fault they chose not to believe me.

Then again, my behavior didn't really fit the things I was telling them. Even I could see that. I had no clue what I was even doing anymore.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled to the empty bathroom, knowing they heard me. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know how to answer you. I don't know how to make you believe me."

I didn't get an answer. I wasn't looking for one. Nobody ever really bothered me while I was in here, and now was no exception. I didn't need to be told that something had to change. I felt it more than anyone, but even as I sat there, I knew eventually, I would have to give in and try Carlisle's suggestion.

It was only a matter of time, and how stubborn I could be about it depended entirely on how much pressure I got about it. I just needed to work up to it myself. The more they pushed it, the more I refused, but the more I refused, the worse I got, and the harder they pushed.

It was a pretty exhausting cycle.

I reconsidered eating, and it certainly helped that nobody bugged me about it. Maybe if I ate, the ache in my stomach would go away. It wasn't exactly a nausea ache. It was too low for that anyway, but a cramping one.

I sat back down at the counter, and Esme seemed relieved to see me come back.

"Andrew is on his way over, honey." Esme informed me, and I appreciated that news. Maybe I just needed an hour of normal. I'd missed him so much during these last few weeks, and now that I was finally healed enough physically, I could see him.

"And nothing is wrong with you." She went on gently. "You're just having trouble finding your footing again. We're just a little worried, though, because you're so withdrawn about what happened that day."

"I know." I sighed, keeping my eyes down. "But I swear nothing like that happened. I'd tell you if it did. I just don't like thinking about the things that could have happened. That's all."

"I understand, sweetie." She assured me.

"How do I make them understand?" I asked. "I kinda get why they won't believe me, but.. I don't wanna take anything to make me sleep."

"You know we wouldn't be pressing it if we didn't know for a fact that it would only help you." She replied. "All we're asking is to give it a chance. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. We'll find another way, but it will."

Just a chance.

"Can I think about it?" I asked after a moment.

"Of course." She replied. "We understand it's a lot to consider. Would it help if I sat with you?"

"All night?" I asked hesitantly.

"As long as you need me to." She nodded. I was surprised to find that it did help. If it helped me get back to normal, and she'd be there the entire time, what did I have to lose? Why was I still so hesitant to let go of that stubbornness?

I sighed, looking back down.

"My stomach hurts." I mumbled, my hand rubbing it a little.

She studied me a bit.

"Do you feel sick?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"Not that kinda hurt." I replied. "More like.. Hurts-hurts."

She was about to say something.

"Leandra." Alice called from the living room, and that told me Andrew was here. It didn't take Richard very long to bring him over here. They didn't live very far away.

I wondered whose idea it was to call them. Maybe it was an attempt to fix me, one last option. I'd mentioned more than once that Andrew made it easier to figure things out.

I stood up.

"Leandra." Esme called, and I looked back at her. "I think we need to talk later." She didn't seem upset, mostly just a little concerned. I nodded, continuing on into the living room.

I approached the front door just as Carlisle was letting them in. Richard saw me first, and his expression dropped a little in worry.

"Hi, honey." He greeted as Andrew saw me next.

"Hey." I greeted quietly, stepping back and letting them walk in. I hadn't really noticed how bad it looked before now, but now I could tell.

"How are you feeling?" Richard asked anyway.

"Okay, I guess." I lied. He wasn't stupid. He hugged me on his way by, and I just allowed it.

"Seriously." Andrew whispered to me, finding my side next. "Are you okay?"

It felt like it'd been forever since I last saw him. Not since the night of the graduation party, so almost three weeks.

"Not really." I whispered in reply. He seemed to understand, nodding. We trailed after Carlisle and Richard into the living room, but we continued on. I led Andrew toward the back yard. It'd been my go-to place to think since that night.

Though he seemed a little confused, he followed easily.

The morning air helped significantly in waking me up. Maybe it was just Andrew, but I could focus more on pretending I'd eventually be okay. I closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath and immediately sitting in my usual chair.

He had yet to take his eyes off me, sitting down in the seat adjacent to mine.

"Are you sick?" He asked quietly.

"No." I shook my head a little. "I just don't really sleep that much lately."

"How come?" He asked. "Dreams again?"

I'd forgotten for a second that he'd read that journal. Reminded, I looked over at him. He'd read that journal, and still came over without hesitation when he was invited. It was only more proof that he actually cared about me.

"Still." I corrected. " _Again_ would mean that they stop sometimes. They never stop."

He sat there silently for a second.

"I have dreams I don't wanna have sometimes too." He mumbled, and I looked over. "Not like yours, but.. They're sad ones. About my mom. I still remember her, but I don't think my dad knows it. I was so little when she first got sick, there's no way he'd know how much I would have given or how hard I tried and wished to make her better. The only thing I wanted was for her to stay with us, but she just.. Couldn't."

I suddenly saw him differently. I remembered what it was like missing somebody so much, dreaming about them was just as torturous as mine were now. To see someone he missed so much while he slept, but being unable to stay with them by being forced to wake up would hurt so bad. I now understood his earlier worry about me being sick.

I changed seats, seating myself right there next to him, leaning over and putting my arms around his shoulders and squeezing him.

He laughed sadly, returning the gesture.

"Thank you for telling me." I mumbled against his shoulder.

"I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to be stuck somewhere." He went on. "It's okay to be stuck on things you still beat yourself up over, even though it's not your fault. Sometimes things just happen." He paused. "I thought you'd be mad at me."

"Why?"

"Because my dreams aren't like yours." He explained. "I thought you'd be mad, or think I was trying to make yours seem like less than that."

"No." I replied. "It's just as bad, but it just hurts in a different way. Believe me, I get it. How come you didn't tell me this before?"

"You were _so_ mad that night." He replied. "I didn't really want to keep talking about it and make you even more mad."

That made sense.

"I promise I'm trying to be better." I whimpered, oddly emotional. He looked over. "I know I'm not a very good friend.."

"Hey." He mumbled, turning a little to face me. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm just so _tired_." I sniffled, leaning back and looking down. I felt so stupid for crying the way I was, but I couldn't stop it. What the hell? It was doing it myself, I knew that much, but these tears felt different.

"There's gotta be a way to sleep and not dream." He sighed, hugging me this time.

"Not for me." I stupidly cried. "Let's just talk about something else. Please. I need to talk about something else."

"Okay. Um.." He paused for a second, thinking. "Oh, I learned something last week. Josh's birthday is two days after yours."

Well, that was pretty cool.

"I didn't know that." I smiled a little. Vaguely, I noticed how weird that particular mood swing had been. I was still sniffling from crying like a baby two seconds before, yet I was smiling now?

"Yeah." He nodded. "So you guys are almost exactly two years apart."

"Guess I'll never forget his birthday, huh?"

I knew Andrew's was October 10th. I kept little notes like that.

"Guess not." He laughed a little in response. "He wants to invite you to his party."

I groaned involuntarily, and he laughed again.

"I know." He replied as if I'd said something. "But since he'll be here for yours, I thought I should give you a heads up."

"Wait, what?" I frowned a little. "Aw, man. Alice is throwing me a stupid party?"

"Just a little one." He answered. "She didn't say it was a surprise or anything like that, so I don't think she'll be too ticked that I told you."

"Well, if it's just you guys, I'll be okay with it." I sighed. "Maybe my dad, but he probably won't wanna come."

"Still rough there too?" He asked. He knew the entire situation with my dad. He knew the story of how I ran away from him the day after Christmas. Everything after that had become sort of a blur of just _bad_ , but Andrew knew everything he could.

"Yeah." I replied. "I feel bad for what I did, but not bad enough to try to bring it up."

"I'm sure he forgives you." He assured me. "Parents don't get to pick when they love you."

I shrugged a little.

"You'll see."

Truthfully, I'd really missed this.

"And what you said earlier.." He went on. "You're not a bad friend. You're still learning. Remember how you were in the beginning?"

I smiled at remembering. He had a point. When I first started going to school here in town, he was the only one that even tried to talk to me, and I blatantly ignored him. It got a little easier for him when I moved in with my mom, and we lived close enough to ride the same school bus. That's when I really decided to give him a chance. I was so glad now that I did.

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind.

"I dunno what I'd be like without you." I admitted, closing my eyes.

"You'd still be you." He replied. "Can I ask you something? About that book?"

I tensed a little.

"Why haven't you told anybody?" He asked quietly.

"I did." I admitted. "At least a little part of it."

"It's one of those things nobody would ever blame you for, but you blame yourself so much."

"Do you even know what it means?" I was curious about how much he knew. Not mad. I knew enough to know that kids our age shouldn't know anything about that. I didn't want to keep talking about it if he was still blind to things like that.

"I think so." He muttered. "It's just.. Really hard to picture it. Not because of you, but because of him."

I wished I was still unable to picture it. I hadn't been that blind since I was young.

"I didn't tell anyone or anything. I wouldn't do that to you, but.. Whatever you did when he was doing those things to you isn't your fault, because it was all him. He made you. You didn't wanna do it."

I picked my head up, but I couldn't look at him.

It had already been explained to me what had happened and what I did, and that it actually was not my fault. I felt a little less bad about it, but it was still a subject for me that I'd rather avoid.

"All I mean, is.. Please don't feel bad for it." He added. "Any of it. You didn't do anything wrong. He did when he made you feel like that."

I knew it had to have been bugging him since he found out about it.

"I think I'll be okay." I replied, sighing again. I just needed time. Maybe one day I wouldn't feel sick with shame when I thought about what I did. I felt him nod, and I hoped he actually felt better.

"If you're gonna be okay, you gotta start sleeping." He pointed out.

"I've tried."

"Remember what it was like at my house?" He asked. "Maybe you just need somebody to sleep next to you or something."

"I don't think that'll stop these ones." I admitted. "I think maybe I don't have a choice, and I have to let it happen."

"But he's gone now."

"That doesn't mean anything yet." I explained. "Everything doesn't just stop just because he's gone."

He shook his head. "I mean, just tell yourself that when you're stuck in a bad dream."

Oh, if only it was that simple.

I didn't want to argue with him, though, so instead, I stood up and wandered forward. Over the porch to the railing.

"It feels like this is the dream." I sighed eventually. He stood up and followed me. "Like none of this is real. Like I'm not even real."

"You're real." He assured me. "If you weren't real, where would I be without you to worry about?"

"Probably much happier." I replied, looking back down at my hands.

"Don't say that."

I didn't reply.

He frowned a little. "Leandra-"

"I-I don't wanna talk about that stuff." I mumbled. I didn't want him to try to make me feel better. I didn't want to bother him with it. I just wanted to go back to the way it was before. When it was easy.

He studied me a little bit before looking down as well.

"Okay.." He murmured. "Wanna go to your room?"

He didn't know that it was my room that made it so hard to sleep.

It wasn't like I could tell him no without having to explain, so I sighed. Forcing myself to turn, and he followed. I really didn't want him to know that his friend was days of sleeplessness away from losing her damn mind.

Due to my lack of sleep, my emotions were all over the place. Worse today, it seemed. Like I couldn't control them anymore. One second, I'd be pissed at something, and the next, I'd cry my eyes out. It was both very concerning to Carlisle, and slightly irritating to Jasper.

Lately, it seemed to me as if the entire family had been watching me, waiting for something. The older I got, it was as if they were more tense. The worse my emotions seemed to get, the closer they watched. I hadn't the slightest clue why, but again, I wouldn't let myself think about that too much.

I knew I was watched as I led him almost numbly through the house to my room. It was worse for me if I went in here alone. Since I had Andrew with me, I could tolerate it for a few minutes.

I hesitated near the open door, not even wanting to touch the door enough to shut it.

"Hey, your bed's in a different place." He noticed as soon as he walked in.

"Yeah." Was all I said. I tightly crossed my arms over my chest. He looked back at me, and I forced a small smile. "I'm just cold."

My emotions were all over the place as it was, and I had to constantly concentrate on an exhausted sort of calm. A strange kind of numbness, and I felt like at any second, could easily be tugged either in the direction of anger, or tears.

I didn't like feeling so unstable.

I'd had problems sleeping pretty much my whole life, but the last time I saw Jack, something must have come loose, because it was so much worse now. I knew my family worried about that as well, which explained their attempt to talk earlier.

They were convinced that something was chasing me away from my bed and my room, and though they weren't wrong, they weren't entirely right either.

"You're standing there like you're afraid to come in here or something." He seemed confused.

I shook my head. "Just cold." To prove it, I took a few hesitant steps further into the room. Away from the clean spot. Around where Heather had laid. I held my breath briefly, forcing the memory of the panic back into place. I forced another, tighter smile.

He didn't buy it one bit.

"Really." He said. "What's wrong?"

I was determined to make this visit go right. I was tired of dragging him down every time I saw him, so I steeled my voice as much as I could. Right off the top of my head, I yanked an excuse out of thin air. Why would a _normal_ person be stupidly afraid of a random room?

"I saw a huge spider in here last night." I explained. "I lost it before I could squish it."

"How huge?" He seemed to buy that.

"Had to have weighed five pounds."

I smiled tiredly at the nervous look he gave around the room. That must have explained why my bed was moved. Sometimes I still amazed myself. Even half dead from exhaustion, I could still come up with something like that, but I wasn't done. Show, not tell.

I forced my frozen feet to move, perching myself on the edge of my bed. He followed suit, bringing his feet up and sitting cross legged beside me.

"Next time I see it, I'll put a collar and a little bell on it." I joked, and he laughed. I appreciated that sound.

"Just so we know where it's at?" He guessed, and I imagined that. The quiet jingling of a tiny bell off behind the dresser. I laughed too, unable to help it.

He looked around again. Giving me more time to steel myself. I was doing a pretty good job. I accepted the credit I gave myself.

"You should get some fish or something." He suddenly suggested.

"Fish stink, don't they?"

"Sometimes." He shrugged. "If you don't take care of the tank, but your room is huge. It might be nice to have something else live in here with you."

I hadn't even thought about that. It would certainly be nice to have some kind of hobby besides thinking of ways my life had failed me, but I'd never even imagined myself being responsible for something else. I'd never had a pet before.

"Maybe." I replied. "Maybe I'll just start with one, so I won't care as much when it dies."

"They're easy to take care of." He said. "I can show you how if you ever get one. My two have been alive for like three years already."

It wasn't a bad idea, I had to admit.

We both fell quiet, and he watched me as I yawned. Going quiet for a few seconds. I felt so bad for the way I knew he worried. If only I could just stop being tired.

"Maybe you should try to sleep?"

"That probably wouldn't be a good idea." I mumbled, shaking my head. Wouldn't that be horrible? He'd had to wake me up out of a nightmare before, but these were worse than those ones were.

"Come on." He said. "I'll stay with you. Let's just try it."

"You'll get bored."

"I'll probably sleep too." He said. "Come on. Scooch." He nudged me to scoot over, and I hesitantly did. "I'll even take this side." My bed was certainly big enough.

This was something I hadn't tried yet, having Andrew sit beside me. It worked so well that night at his house, and he was suddenly determined, so I sighed.

"Okay." I allowed. "But I'm saying this probably isn't a good idea."

Instead of replying, he reached down, and grabbed the thin blanket covering the foot of the bed, and I reluctantly laid down. He handed it to me, and I shook my head, laying the blanket out over me. With a quick glance to the clock, I noted it was almost 11 AM. I rolled over onto my side, curling into the blanket. Making sure to keep it away from my mouth, tucked under my chin.

He stretched out beside me. He was right there each time I opened my eyes a little.

"I'll wake you up if I have to go anywhere."

I fought it, but I wasn't strong enough. When I fell asleep, I fell hard. Instead of just drifting off, it was sudden and strong.

I dreamed. I remembered dreaming, but more like glimpses of memories. Nothing strong enough to wake me up. It wasn't only memories of Jack, though. It was a huge mix of unintelligible everything. Things that have been building up over the last few weeks. Worried looks and conversations.

When I was startled awake by a rumbling roll of thunder, I was actually confused. Sitting up, I couldn't remember what time of day it was, the clouds were so dark outside it left me wondering.

Things slowly started coming back, and I looked toward the clock. It was after 4 PM, and Andrew was still right there next to me. He had an open book on his stomach, but he slept too. His breathing deep. He must have fallen asleep while reading.

I laid back down with another, deeper yawn.

I felt weird. Slightly nauseous, and my stomach hurt a bit more, but I was definitely still tired. I rested my eyes, snoozing while I thought. I wondered why it had worked so well. Maybe it was a coincidence, and my mind was just too tired to dream anymore, but it didn't feel like it.

Maybe it had something to do with having someone more my size laying next to me, balancing things out but comforting me with presence.

I didn't know what it was, but whatever it was, it had worked. I'd been able to get five straight hours of sleep at once. I wondered if Richard had hung around that long, and almost laughed.

Unfortunately, my stomach hurt enough to force me out of bed. The ache I felt that morning had only gotten worse, so I was in search of the Tylenol.

Before I could reach the door, though, it came open. Esme stepped in. Smiling a little apologetically. She motioned for me to stay quiet, but I watched, confused as she opened the top dresser drawer. Pulling out a clean pair of my underwear. She held her hand out to me, and I followed.

"First of all, don't panic." She started as soon as my bedroom door was closed again. That wasn't a very comforting start. I had no clue what she was getting at. "It's normal."

She led me straight to the bathroom.

It really didn't take me long to understand. All I had to do was see the brand new little bin of menstrual products sitting on the counter, and I figured out what she was getting at.

I was a little embarrassed that I hadn't figured it out before, considering all the time I spent sharing a bathroom with my mom, but I wasn't afraid. I just hadn't had time to think about it. I wasn't the most educated when it came to that stuff, so I didn't know it was supposed to happen to me so soon.

"My mom told me about it." I assured her. "I just don't know how to use any of this stuff."

After a brief explanation of how everything worked, Esme left me to clean up and figure out which way I wanted to go. It really depended on what I was comfortable with using. Although I had a few pressing questions about this new thing and exactly what kind of family I lived with, I decided to save those until later.

Probably only thanks to my mom bringing it up in passing one day months ago, something that would have totally freaked me out was actually no big deal now. I preferred it that way. Uncomplicated and straightforward. No big deal.

I was so grateful for that, because Andrew was awake and standing there when I came out of the bathroom. I wasn't freaked out, and though I was just a little more uncomfortable now, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

He smiled as soon as he saw me.

"I fell asleep." He laughed a little.

"So did I." I replied, and he smiled even more.

"Andrew, honey, you'll be staying for dinner." Esme informed him as she approached. "Your father will pick you up later. I hope that's alright."

"Okay." He nodded. "Thank you."

"Aw, mom." Emmett called from the living room. "Can't we keep him?" I knew why he'd ask.

I smiled, looking down. I couldn't explain it any more than Andrew could, but I did feel a little better. I was still tired, but I felt a little less like my head was full of fog. I could tell Andrew was just happy to have helped me.

"Still a bad idea?" He asked me quietly, and I shook my head.

"Good idea." I countered and he laughed. I was okay admitting I was wrong. "Thank you."

I honestly wasn't sure if that would work at night, but I wasn't going to get to test that yet. Richard showed up about an hour after dinner to pick him up, and I was just grateful I got to spend the time I spent with him. I knew I'd be seeing him again in less than a week, so I was okay with it.

I was also glad that the day was ending on a much better note than it'd started.

"Our little shorty's growing up." Emmett sniffled as soon as they'd left, and I sighed. I should have known the teasing would start as soon as possible.

"Shut up, grandpa." I gave him a sour look, and he returned it. When he smiled right after, I knew he knew I was joking. I finally found a way to word the most pressing question I had. "But seriously, though. Is this whole period thing gonna bother everyone? Am I gonna have to live outside?"

Emmett laughed, which I took as a good sign.

"We'll get you a dog house." He assured me, still chuckling. "A nice, comfy one. There might even be enough room for a bed in there."

"No, Leandra." Alice landed beside me. "Totally different thing." As if to prove it, she hugged me into her side. I appreciated that, especially after how I talked to her this morning. Emmett suddenly sat forward and pointed at me sternly.

"But if you end up pregnant before you're exactly thirty years old, I'll kick your butt."

Alice sighed. "It's a little early for that."

"Ew." I cringed. I wasn't stupid. I knew how babies happened to people. "Don't worry."

"It's never too early to let her know where I stand on the whole thing." He stated, turning back to the TV. "Especially with those kids she runs around with."

"What about them?" I asked, confused.

"They're boys." He told me as if it should have been obvious.

"You're not the only one growing up, is what he's getting at." Alice added, and that helped. This would take some getting used to.

"They're not gonna care." I mumbled, shaking my head. "They're my friends."

"Give it a year." He countered, miserably sure. "You'll see what I mean."

"I hope not." I sighed, leaning against Alice. I really didn't want even more to change. I couldn't even imagine where I'd be or what life would be like next year. I was still new at thinking ahead like that.

"So have you thought about what you want for your birthday?" Alice asked, obviously changing the subject.

"Not a party."

"It's not really a party." She reasoned. "More like.. A small gathering. I know you don't want anyone you don't know over."

I could deal with that. I nodded.

"Andrew is such a kindhearted boy." Esme commented, returning to the living room. Unfortunately, with Carlisle in tow.

I still wasn't sure how I felt about what happened. I'd let him down quite a bit just a few weeks ago, but he wasn't holding it against me. He didn't need to. I held it against myself. How stupid I had been was still weighing heavy on me.

I wasn't ready to face that yet.

"Has it _really_ already been a whole year?" I asked in disbelief. Then I rephrased it. "Has it _really_ only been a year?"

"Time flies, shorty." Emmett replied easily, amused. I looked over at him. "It goes by faster than you can even imagine."

I was starting to see that.

"Leandra." Carlisle took my attention. "Can I have a word?"

I looked down. I already knew what he wanted to talk about.

"I haven't thought about it yet." I said instead of getting up. Beside me, Alice nudged me, and though I didn't really want to, I took the hint. I stood up, and followed him toward the stairs.

He led me into his office, probably to remove most of the distractions.

"This wouldn't be a permanent thing, Leandra." Carlisle spoke first, leading me toward his desk. I followed slower.

"I don't want to." I replied, the same answer I always gave him. "Can't I just keep trying to fix myself on my own? Why do I have to take something?"

"There comes a time when trying just isn't enough anymore." He said. "There isn't anything wrong with needing some help now and then."

"I know, but I know I can figure it out again." I argued. "Everything just.. Kinda blew up. I just need some time. Andrew helped me today."

"He's not here with you all the time." He pointed out sadly.

"Yeah, but maybe I can figure out how-"

"Maybe." He hardly ever cut me off. "That's a very strong maybe, and quite frankly, I'm very concerned. Humans, children in particular, need a lot more sleep than you've been allowing yourself to get, and what sleep you do get is broken at best and hardly deep enough to get the rest you require."

"I'm not gonna just give up like that." I said. "I'm not just gonna give up the second it gets hard. I won't. It sucks, yeah, but being trapped asleep with no say in what happens to me sucks even more. You don't know what that's like."

"You know you're safe." He pointed out. "I would never ask you to do this if I wasn't sure it would be in your best interest."

"I know." I easily agreed. "I know I'm safe, but when I'm asleep, my mind doesn't know that. I'm trying _really_ hard to fix that, but the more you want me to take it, the harder that is to do."

That was the first time I'd ever admitted that out loud. I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, but I could tell I had. I fought emotion of my own as I looked down.

"Just.." I mumbled, taking a breath. "One more week. If I'm still having the same kind of trouble after my birthday, then I'll try your way."

"A week is a long time." He sighed. "A few hours of sleep today isn't near enough to hold out that long."

"I know." I said again, but I didn't go on. He sighed, studying me sadly. I knew he was looking at the pure exhaustion written in my features. There was no way only a few hours had fixed that, but just underneath that exhaustion, I knew he could also see my determination.

"What else is making you fight this so much?" He asked after a moment. "That isn't your only reason."

I looked down. He knew me too well.

Without even meaning to, I thought back to the day I first met Carlisle. It was such a chaotic day that had started off bad and only got worse. Since that day, though, I'd worked so hard to figure out this whole trust thing.

Any way I looked at it, no matter what angle, trust always started with honesty. It always had. It'd been proven time and time again that all I had to do was talk. All I had to do was try. All I had to do was reach, and every time, I'd be pulled the rest of the way through.

I took a deep breath, holding it for a second.

"I don't wanna _see_ anything." I finally admitted, keeping my eyes down. I knew by the way he sighed that he understood what I meant, but I went on anyway. "Seeing the way that dream actually _happened_ really scared me. It was.. It wasn't even longer than two seconds, but for those two seconds, what was happening actually matched that dream. It scared me. I'm afraid if I'm _that_ asleep, I'll see something else."

He was quiet, and I knew he wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't promise that that wouldn't happen. As badly as he wanted to, he couldn't protect me from the inside of my own mind. He couldn't help me with this.

I knew it was something I'd have to get over, because as Alice had already pointed out, an ability wasn't something I could keep from happening. I'd eventually have to learn to live with it. I accepted that part.

"I just need a little more time to get over being afraid of it." I went on quieter. "Please? I promise, no matter what I'll try your way in a week. I just need a few more days to get used to it."

He sighed again.

"I trust you." He finally replied. "I want to be on the same side. I want to help you, not pressure you. Just promise me you'll let me know if it gets too hard."

I nodded, relieved.

"I promise." I said, and he nodded as well. "I don't want to screw everything up. More than I already have, I mean."

"You haven't messed anything up." He assured me, and I gave him a look.

"I know what I did was stupid." I countered. "Believe me, I'm still paying for it."

"I believe you, but I don't believe you should attempt to go through this alone."

I nodded. I knew that, and I was trying to get better about that, but I was so sure it showed in my sleeplessness. It showed in my inability to look at him now.

I usually avoided looking at the paintings in his office, but today, one in particular caught my attention. Three men stood forward in this painting, one stood back.

It'd always been there, I'd seen it before, but it seemed out of place now. I shook it off, though. My mind was probably just tired. Everything still seemed out of place.

I was quiet for a second, blinking tiredly at the floor.

"Carlisle?" I finally asked, sitting down. Meeting his eyes as he looked to me. "Can't I just skip my birthday this year?"

"Are you still upset over it?" He asked, remembering how much I hated my birthday the year before. It wasn't a secret.

"No." I frowned a little. "I just feel like I'm not really ready for it. The last year went by way too fast, and I know the next one will too. I'm not sure I like the way that I figure out more stuff the older I get."

He smiled a little.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way."

"I know." I replied quietly. "I think part of me is just trying to catch up."

"That's understandable." He nodded, sitting down as well. "You've gone through a lot in the last year."

He wasn't wrong.

Despite all the previous year had brought me, I was still alive. Though I'd never seen the merit in celebrating the fact that I hadn't died in the last year, I certainly did now. I hadn't accomplished much, but I survived. That meant something to me now.

I learned that if I really had to, I could find a way to survive if I was on my own. I learned a sort of independence that I wouldn't have learned any other way. My couple of months without my family had taught me that. I'd learned so much during that time.

I'd stray into town now and then, but always come back home. Despite it being empty. Even before I learned that the second floor balcony door had been open. Left unlocked.

I learned what it was like to be out in the cold, and I learned that not everyone could be trusted. I'd known that before, but somehow, I hadn't fully believed it. I learned to be careful, very careful of those that told me they just wanted to help me.

I'd learned so many things there in Port Angeles by myself.

The most important thing I learned there, however, was how much I needed my family. I was taught that lesson more than once through the rest of the year, but that was when I fully realized it. The lengths I would go to to fight to keep them was unreal to anyone else, but them. They understood my reasons behind every action, but that wasn't the same as condoning them.

I also learned how to trust, even after that trust had been broken.

Despite how many times I'd been told that I'd never be alone, I was. I was left so impossibly alone when my family left in the fall. But without them leaving, I never would have learned all I had in the time they were gone.

I never would have learned how capable I was, if I tried. I learned that effort was possible if I wanted something bad enough, but I also learned that I was still young. I had to be careful about anything I did because there was so much out there that I didn't understand yet.

I was still learning, but there was so much ahead of me. I had so much time to learn these things, and testing out my wings, so to speak, could wait. I still had time to learn all there is about the world, and with careful steps, it was possible.

I learned how to forgive. I learned that no matter how hurt I'd been before, it was possible to trust again. To know that everything they'd done, was with my best interests in mind. No matter how hard I tried, I trusted them again. I learned that despite what I thought before, they weren't going to leave me again.

I learned what it felt like to finally be wanted, to be accepted. Despite how many problems I had, I learned that I had someone that was willing to help me work through them. To trust them to always be there, even if doing so before had hurt me. And I did.

Even in the last couple of weeks, I'd learned so much.

I learned that sometimes, all of my effort wasn't enough. I learned what was too much effort, and I learned when I wasn't giving enough. I learned the consequences of both, and I learned that sometimes, I just had to let go and let someone else help me out.

I was still trying to learn how to find my place, but again, I still had so much time in front of me.

I learned what pain really was. I learned more about loss, and death. I learned what it was like to nearly lose my life, giving me a better perspective on what I was holding on to. I realized all I had to lose now, and I learned exactly how much I had now worth holding on to.

I learned more about love, and what an impact it made. I learned what it was like to have friends, and I learned what it was like to have a family. The love I could have for both, and how different it was, but the same in its own way. Both were plenty to fight for on their own, but both together, it made me truly realize how lucky I was.

I learned patience, to a point, and I learned strength. Not just plain strength, but strength in numbers. I wasn't much alone, and I knew that now, but I learned that I could do so much more if I had my family behind me. I learned that there were two very different types of strength.

There was a solitary strength that I was still searching for, but there was also a strength I could only find among them. The ones that had promised me since I met them that they'd be there. Taking me in, despite how much I really couldn't give anything back, and I still wanted to cry every time I thought about it. That despite how many problems I caused them, they hadn't given up on me yet.

I learned what it meant to sacrifice. I knew what it meant to do something for the benefit of others. Even if it meant causing me pain, or discomfort, I did it. Because sometimes, there were so many more important things.

I learned what it felt like to be protected.

When I'd first come to live with my family, Emmett had told me that he was the protector of the family. The one that fought to keep everybody safe. I wondered back then what that must have been like, to be protected by somebody so much stronger than I was, never believing in a million years I'd ever feel like I belonged.

Now, not only did I belong right where I was, I knew what it felt like to be under his protection. The lengths he'd go to to take out the main threat in my life had really opened my eyes, and it only made me appreciate him, and the rest of my family even more.

As mixed up as I was, trying to learn how to be human in a family of vampires, I knew that no matter what, one day I would join them as an immortal myself.

Maybe then, I could begin to contribute, and take a step in the direction of paying them back for all they'd done for me. Until that time came, though, I knew they'd all be by my side. Behind me, urging me forward. Helping me, supporting me, and teaching me what it was to have a family, to have someone always there to turn to, and never leave me alone again.

To have someone to teach me how to defend myself, to give me just a little bit more independence until I was ready to run on my own. Until the day came when I wouldn't be just the human anymore. Weak, but not quite defenseless.

To believe that I could one day be someone more than I was now. To believe that I could be strong if I needed to be. To see the promise my family saw in me.

I knew that time was still so far off, but I could wait. I would wait until I was old enough to truly make the decision, and ask to be turned. I was promised forever, and even though I knew living with my pain would hurt, I also knew that it would help me become someone so strong, nothing could break me. Learning from it, letting it teach me things I never would have learned without it.

I couldn't help but look forward to this next year. This year had to be at least a little brighter than the one I'd left behind. There was no uncertainty anymore. The floor was solid under my feet.

I was standing right where I belonged, and nothing could take that away from me.

"I've learned a lot." I finally replied, nodding. "I feel like I need a whole nother year just to think about it all."

"You have many, many years ahead of you." He reminded me, and really for the first time, I believed him. With Jack gone for good, I no longer had that worry holding me back from really imagining what growing up would be like.

That was a huge thought in itself. Something I chose to put away for another day.

 **A/N: Yay for awkward, cheesy chapters. I suppose this was mostly an opener.  
** **I apologize for this taking so long to come out. I swear I'm not being lazy, but I have to say that updates may be rocky for a little while until I figure out a new routine. They'll come, though. :)  
And.. THANK YOU! To those reviewers of last story! I was so worried you guys would bury me in tomatoes. THANK YOU for being kind.  
As I stated in the opening notes, this is going to be the toughest story so far. There's so much that happens in Breaking Dawn that I have to put into her perspective, but the challenge is the fun part.  
** **I think that about covers it. I'll do my best to hurry up with chapter two, and look forward to seeing more of you guys, my fabulous readers and reviewers, throughout this story, and the ones to come. (:  
Until Two, my friends!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

I kept my promise to Carlisle in mind all week. I thought it would have made it easier, but instead, it felt like a timer.

True to his word, he didn't bring it up at all, but I knew he was watching. Every time I gave up sleeping in my own bed, and every time I chose to sleep on the couch instead. Every heavy sigh that resulted in a yawn. Every second I was lost in my thoughts.

Edward had been around some, but I wasn't worried about that. It would have just been a rerun for him. He'd heard it all before, and it wasn't exactly like I was trying to hide anything. I was doing exactly what I told Carlisle I'd be doing.

But the pressure I put on myself to get over whatever I needed to get over was the opposite of helpful. If anything, it stalled me even more. As hard as I tried, I was only making it worse on myself.

Before I even knew it, my birthday was just a few hours away, and I wasn't even tempted to try sleeping in my room. The living room was silent, despite its other occupants. I snoozed, curled on the couch while Emmett sat watching TV, the volume too low for me to even hear, inches from my feet.

While I carefully allowed myself to drift just passed the snoozing stage, closer to falling asleep, I felt myself watched more than the TV was. I knew my time was up, and I'd failed. I'd have to keep my end of the agreement after this. I hated it, but I had no choice anymore.

I broke my own rule that night, despite how it wasn't my choice. I fell too far asleep. When I got there, the dreams I fell into were familiar, but they never stopped scaring me.

"Shorty."

Somewhere in the middle of fighting myself awake, the pain fully brought me around. I was actually kneeling up on the couch, with no memory of sitting up much less kneeling, but my entire hand was currently throbbing in pain.

I opened my suddenly tear-blurry eyes and clutched my hand to my chest as I struggled to figure out what the hell had just happened.

"Damn." Emmett's voice beside the couch had me look over. "Are you okay?" He stood further back. Carlisle stood closer to me, but not close enough to make my panic worse. Both very concerned, and I was starting to figure out why.

"I'm sorry." I managed to gasp out through left-over panic.

"Don't be." Emmett replied, still worried. I fought to catch my breath.

"What even happened?" I asked, looking up at Emmett again.

"It looked like you were trying to suffocate yourself." He answered. "I was just trying to move the blanket a little bit, and you were having none of that. I should have moved, but I never expected that kind of fight from you, shorty."

"I hit you?" I winced up at him.

"If I was human, that slap would have knocked me on my ass." I gasped a small laugh through my pain, clutching tighter to my hand, but I could tell by the way the pain was lessening that I would be okay. If it was an open-handed slap, it wouldn't do as much damage to my hand as a punch would have.

"Ow." I whimpered, chancing a peek down. "Why's your face gotta be so hard?"

It was so disorienting waking up like this. I tensed a little as Carlisle reached for my hand, but I quickly corrected myself. Allowing him to take it.

"Still." Emmett replied. "That was impressive, but I still don't get what that was."

Carlisle continued closely but gently inspecting the bones of my right hand. I flinched only a little at a particularly sore spot, which he clearly noted.

"She fell asleep." Carlisle explained quietly.

"If she did that because she fell asleep, what's she been doing this whole time?" Emmett asked, confused.

"Exactly my point." Carlisle replied.

"There was _so_ much effort in that." Emmett pointed out, sitting back down beside me. "I've never seen her so scared." I felt how pale I was, but the shock of the pain must have made it easier to get me out of those dream emotions. That was the only explanation I could think of.

Esme approached from the left, and I glanced over at her as she reached my side. Sitting to my free side on the couch and smoothing my hair sadly.

"If I did that because I fell asleep, why would I wanna do it again?" I asked, frowning.

"To answer that, I would first need to explain how the human mind works." Carlisle replied. "Everything you experience in your life is stored subconsciously and recalled in pieces when it's needed, but trauma tends to mess a lot of things up. Fitting itself in where it doesn't belong, and when you deny yourself the chance to process that trauma, it makes every day life a lot more difficult than it has to be."

I understood that a lot more than I was sure he knew.

"And sleep makes me process it?" I frowned.

"In a way, I suppose you could say it does." He said. "Talking about it is one way, but you also need sleep. Sleep allows your subconscious to sort out the details it thinks it needs to keep. This is what makes up most of your dreams and even your memories. The rest is forgotten." He sighed, gently releasing my hand. "But to do this, you need to reach a much deeper level of restorative sleep than you've been reaching."

I was silent, now listening closely.

"What concerns me, Leandra, is the fact that your subconscious seems to be stuck on so many key points of your past." He went on. "Rather than allowing you to let new experiences take the place of old ones, it's holding onto the old ones and it seems to be warning you against the new ones. Everyone experiences and processes trauma differently, but I really think your lack of sleep has a rather large impact on your ability to get through that trauma."

"But I don't sleep because of it." I was so confused.

"Exactly." He replied. "Humans are designed to fall asleep at a certain point, and when that basic instinct to rest is denied, it throws everything else off balance for a very long time. Your sleep was disturbed, nearly nightly, for years. It trained you to expect and to fear that disturbance, which is also part of the reason why you tend to get anxious as night is falling. But that's another discussion entirely.

"It's taken me a long time to really understand what Jack was attempting to accomplish." He went on, gentler now because of the sensitive subject. "It's not really an angle I would expect from someone like him, but to train you the extent that he has, in the specific way that he has, had to have taken some kind of understanding of the impact of his actions on your mind. Meaning, he had to have known exactly what he was doing, and intend to inflict the damage he has. But again, I digress."

"Dumb it down a little, dad." Emmett piped up. "I think we're losing her."

"My main concern here, is sleep." Carlisle said. "The fact that you haven't gotten nearly the amount of sleep you need in years is holding you back from fully processing recent trauma. The more you sleep, the easier it is to understand your trauma in a healthy way. Not sleeping is allowing everything to get worse, and when your mind is that exhausted and running for so long, things tend to get mixed up."

He'd told me before that sleep was just as important to a human as eating, drinking, and breathing. He'd just never gone into a explanation like this before.

"When things get mixed up like that, your mind has a hard time distinguishing reality from memories. You reacted toward Emmett tonight the same way you would have reacted to anyone disturbing your sleep in the past, by fighting, because your mind was confused. That confusion is caused by the burden it's under due to your lack of sleep. Especially recently."

 _That_ made sense.

"I'm insisting on the sleep aid because as painful as those memories are, your mind needs you to sort through those to make progress." He explained further. "Your mind is under far too much stress with everything you've experienced, and it hasn't had a chance to process it yet. It needs that chance, Leandra. Just think of it as a boost. A little help to keep you settled in the sleep you desperately need. It's not a punishment. I can't stress that enough."

I knew he wasn't pushing it to hurt me. He only wanted to help me. I could really see it now. All he wanted was to help me the only way he could. I needed this. My way wasn't working. It never had been.

"Your hand is okay." He murmured, and I knew he thought I was still against it. I was quiet for a few seconds, looking down at my hand. Turning it over to look at my palm before slowly closing my fist. It ached, but it wasn't painful anymore.

"Okay." I finally mumbled, and I glanced at him. "I'll take the stupid pill. I trust you." If he believed that this would only help me, I believed it too. I had to. If this would make living with whatever was in my head just a little easier, I'd try it.

"You're sure, shorty?" Emmett asked, just as surprised as I knew Carlisle was. I had to swallow my nervousness, but I nodded.

"I'll only give you half of what you'll be taking, so you're not too tired tomorrow." Carlisle explained, and again, I nodded. "For obvious reasons, I think it'll be best to have you sleep in our room tonight."

That was probably a very good idea. Until I could get through whatever this was, I shouldn't try sleeping in my room again, but the couch was not a good idea anymore either.

"Okay." I mumbled. I wouldn't be stubborn about that anymore either. He sadly nodded as well. He knew how hard this was for me, but he also knew I couldn't possibly get any lower. I needed his help to pull me back up.

I kept my eyes down as he stood up and left the room. Knowing his reasons didn't make this any easier.

It was strange going upstairs to sleep. I'd slept in their bed before, while they were gone, so this was pretty familiar to me, but never while they were here. Nobody said anything about it, and I knew why. If they had given their opinion on my suddenly cooperative mood, there was a big chance I'd talk myself out of it.

I'd been given pain medication that made me sleepy while I was in the hospital, but that was nothing like actually having to choose to take it.

As soon as I was sat in bed, Esme sat beside me. I had to admit that this bed was a lot more comfortable than the couch, and I couldn't deny the amount of safety I felt right where I was. Being so far away from my room, and knowing nothing bad had ever happened in here was comforting.

Carlisle walked in and I knew what he had cupped in the palm of his hand. A small glass of water in his other.

"I remember the first time Jack made me take something like that." I mumbled nervously. "He told me that it would make everything not so bad, but he lied. It made everything so much worse."

"I'm sure this won't be as strong as what he gave you." Carlisle assured me. "And I promise you'll be completely safe."

"I know." I sighed, trying to steel myself. "It's just hard not to be afraid of it."

"I understand." He nodded gently. With a slightly trembling hand, I reached up to take the half pill from his hand. This was the furthest I'd ever gotten, but I knew I couldn't stop now, or I'd definitely change my mind.

"Maybe it'll be like before." I was trying to be optimistic. "When Andrew was here, and maybe I won't dream that much."

I didn't need a reply. Closing my eyes, not giving myself a chance to look at it or pause, I took the pill with a few large gulps of water. Esme took the glass gently when I was done, smoothing my hair in a comforting gesture.

I wasn't sure how long it'd take to kick in, so I laid down and curled up with a nervous whimper to wait for it.

"I know how difficult this is for you." Carlisle told me. "I wouldn't be suggesting this if I didn't believe it'd help you." I nodded a little, taking a deep breath.

"Can you leave the light on?" I asked quietly. "Until I fall asleep?" I wanted as much light around me as possible.

"Of course." He replied with a nod. It seemed he was going to stay for a little bit as well. I didn't mind that.

"I just need it to stay on." I mumbled, despite the way I knew they knew that. "It can't be turned off."

"It'll stay on." He repeated, "I promise. Just rest now. Close your eyes."

I heard something in his voice he probably didn't mean to let through. A deep sort of sadness that nearly reached my own. I'd heard it once before, the first night I had to spend with my mom. It bothered him to see me sad or suffering. I knew that before, but it made me feel better about giving in and giving his way a try.

I took a few seconds, but I did as he asked. Letting my eyes close and taking a deep breath. Esme reached over from beside me and started gently stroking my hair. Almost like she was petting me, but in the way a mother would. I allowed the contact to comfort me, and though I fidgeted a few times, I never pulled away. I appreciated it.

Another few minutes of laying there, I could tell it was starting to work, and though I didn't fight it, I could feel how bad I wanted to.

"Don't leave." I whimpered, half asleep. "Please don't leave."

"We're not going anywhere. Sleep, sweetie." Esme assured me gently. That was all I was awake to hear.

It wasn't a choice to fall asleep. It just happened. Like I didn't have the strength to stay awake anymore and I was being pulled there. I hated that feeling, and it scared me as much as it could, but it didn't make a difference. I tried not to let it feel like I was leaving or going anywhere. Instead I told myself that I would still be okay when I woke up.

Esme was still sitting there when I did find myself starting to wake up. It took a few tries to wake up, even falling back to sleep for another half hour, but I eventually managed to open my eyes to mid-morning light outside.

It was hazy, but I knew I did dream. It was trying to come back to me, and it was starting to, but it was taking its time. Whatever I did recall from my dreams, though, weren't anything like I expected. Dull and uninteresting, mostly little side notes of the nightmares. The parts I didn't normally care about.

I did remember stirring enough to feel the heartbreak that drew tears from my closed eyes, but it was nothing like I was used to feeling. I wasn't afraid, but hurting in another way. I had no idea what caused it, but it didn't matter half a minute later when I just fell back to sleep.

It was the waking up part that I hated the most. The way it felt to be so weak and disoriented, even with as low a dose as I'd been given. The involuntary inventory taking, waiting for the pain my mind expected to be there.

"I hate this." I whimpered when I could.

"You'll start to shake it off soon." She assured me quietly. It messed with my head too much, and it shook me. The emotions of what I'd done were catching up to me. On top of feeling sick, and whether that was an emotional response or a physical response, I wasn't sure.

I jumped awake again probably minutes later at Esme's hand smoothing my hair back again. I hadn't even realized I was trying to fall back to sleep.

Sitting up did help. It eased my emotions and helped me to shake off the pill. Going downstairs and seeing most of the decorations already in place woke me up a little more. I was surprised I hadn't heard a thing all morning. I still felt it, but maybe an hour of being upright, it became a lot less noticeable instead of lasting the entire day.

My earlier emotions were still there, but they were comforted significantly by my favorite blueberry pancakes Esme made me for breakfast. I sure wasn't complaining. I could easily eat at least four of them.

As active as my mind had been, it did feel good to get as much sleep as I had. Other than the effects of the pill, the fog was lifting. My thoughts felt more focused, and less chaotic. Overall, I believed Carlisle even more, and it only reinforced that trust I'd given him the night before. I was now far more willing to try it again when I needed to.

"Happy birthday!"

I jumped a little, looking over at Alice's sudden arrival at my side. Grinning like the happiest person in the world.

"As soon as you're done here, it's time to get moving." She went on. "Your dad and his family are almost here, and Andrew and his dad are coming over by two."

I was surprised to hear my dad was coming, but not enough to make me leave my pancakes. I was a little worried about having so many people over today. I completely dreaded seeing my little sister.

I knew it would take more than a few hours of sleep to fix me, and they were all bound to notice.

I took a quick shower just to wake myself up a little more, and it worked. I changed out of my pajamas for the first time in days, and that even helped wake me up a little. I sat there with my eyes closed, wincing as Alice brushed my slightly damp hair. She sat on the back of the couch, me on the cushion in front of her.

"Ow." I whined as the knock came to the door. "Quit pulling."

"Just sit still would you?" She laughed. "I'm almost done."

"Nobody cares how my hair looks." I grumbled. I really shouldn't have been complaining. It was only a simple ponytail, but it felt like it was taking forever.

"I care." She replied. "And I'm not done yet." I tried to look over at the sound of my dad's voice talking to Emmett who'd answered the door, but Alice kept me from doing so.

I hadn't seen him in months. Not since December. Here it was mid-July.

"Hurry up.." I sighed. She laughed, and a few seconds later, she let me go. I stood and made my way over. Ignoring everybody else with him as I hugged my dad in greeting.

"Wow, kiddo." He said. "You've grown."

"I hear that a lot." I said, looking up at him. "I don't even notice."

"You definitely have." He laughed.

"We replace your clothes as you need them." Alice explained, laughing a little at my surprise as she followed me over.

"Oh." I said, and that was entirely possible, too. I never looked at the sizes of anything before I put it on. I'd never even question a new pair of jeans or t-shirt either. I just figured that was Alice having too much fun at the mall. Showed how much I paid attention. If it wasn't a dress, I didn't mind.

I couldn't help thinking, though. Where I was no was so far from where I'd come from. I still remembered what it was like having three outfits total, and having to wash whatever I'd worn that day in the bathtub by hand.

Now I had more clothes than I could ever realistically wear. More outfits than I could even really keep track of. That was such a strange feeling to me. One I'd probably never get used to.

"Way to stay on top of things." My dad laughed in reply to Alice. "A good tip for this one."

He put his hand on Lily's head, and I finally noticed that she'd grown as well. She'd grown so much. Still the size of an average six year old, but compared to where she was before, there was a sizable difference.

"Dad." She whined a laugh, pushing his hand off her head.

"Oh, and who is this?" Alice asked, smiling at the baby cradled in Rachel's arm. I'd completely forgotten about the fact that Rachel had been pregnant the last time I saw her. I was definitely reminded now by the baby I was looking at. It was only a few months old, still looking very much like a tiny baby.

I made a face, but looked up at it. Given the pink clothing, it was another daughter. The pink pacifier also gave it away. She was wide awake, and curious, but laying still.

Just like that, I had a baby sister. I couldn't remember ever being around a baby, so I hadn't the slightest clue what to expect.

"This is Kaylee." Rachel replied, laughing a little and bouncing her. "And she's a handful."

"How can babies be a handful?" I frowned. "Just put it in a drawer or something."

"I already tried that." Lily replied sadly, looking up as well.

"May I?" Alice asked, offering to take her.

"By all means." Rachel said, moving to hand her the creature. "Please. Just be careful. She's been hating strangers lately."

Alice didn't seem the type to like babies, but I guess I was wrong. Kaylee seemed to really like her as well, grinning behind the pacifier at the way Alice cuddled her. The tone of her voice had changed too.

Alice led the way into the living room, and we all followed. Making it to the couch just as Carlisle and Esme descended the stairs. Rosalie directly behind them.

I found that a little odd, because Rosalie was never part of a welcoming committee. If someone came over, she always came downstairs once everyone was settled, if she decided to show up at all. Now she right there, and immediately at Alice's side.

She'd never smiled at me like that.

I actually didn't know how to feel at first. It confused me how something so tiny could immediately take so much attention just by _being_ here.

"You get used to it. They'll calm down in a minute, and they'll remember you're alive." Lily muttered, and I looked over at her. She must have read my expression like a book. "Then someone will pay attention to you, just so you don't feel left out."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"All the time." She pouted a little up at me. "Every day for like _four_. _Whole_. _Months_." She accentuated every word more than necessary, and oddly, I totally understood it. More than that, I suddenly felt a little sympathetic toward her. Especially at the cooing peals of laughter from the other side of the room.

Esme was right beside Alice with Kaylee still in her arms. Kaylee seemed even more infatuated with Esme than with Alice, and a spark of jealousy settled into my heart. I was beginning to really dislike that baby.

"So, Leandra." Rachel sighed, sitting down and effectively distracting me. "How have you been, honey?"

Lily nudged me, giving me a flat look. "See?"

I did see, but I still didn't mind Rachel that much. She'd been nothing but kind to me, and I could tell she really cared. Even though I was still pretty distracted at the fact that a baby was replacing me as we spoke, I still managed to focus on her question.

I shrugged.

"I'm okay." I replied. I really didn't want to get into it.

"Anything new?" My dad asked, sitting down beside Rachel. I didn't really know how to answer that. I didn't know how much they were allowed to know. I looked over at Carlisle.

"She's been having a little bit of trouble." Carlisle answered for me. I would have preferred that anyway.

"Oh." My dad replied with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry to hear that. This trouble has something to do with sleep, I gather." He leaned forward. Interested, but just as concerned as Rachel.

"Nightmares." Emmett confirmed, and I tossed a heated glare toward him.

"Don't be embarrassed, sweetie." Rachel said. "It's really understandable considering the life you used to live." She looked toward Esme. "Has she been seeing anyone to help her with it?"

"Here and there." Esme answered. "It depends on her cooperation, but not lately."

"It's probably best not to force her." Rachel agreed. "It won't do much good to make her go when she's not ready to talk. Some people are never ready."

"Anything we can do?" My dad asked, and I sighed. This was exactly what I didn't want.

"Can we talk about something else?"

"You're right. I'm sorry." My dad nodded. "So.. I hear you've been adopted." I smiled instantly at just being reminded, and I nodded. He obviously knew the best subject to change the conversation to. "I'm really happy for you, honey. I would have called, but life has just been so crazy lately. With that one coming a little early, we weren't as ready as we thought, apparently."

"It's okay." I said. "I'm just glad you're okay with it."

"Honey, I know how much they mean to you. You're allowed to live the life you want to live. I'm just happy to have the opportunity to keep you in my life. However much I can with living so far away." He smiled and glanced to Rachel. "Speaking of living so far away.. How are the schools here?"

"You're moving closer?" I asked, surprised. I hadn't expected this.

"We've been going over everything, and I think it's a good idea. There are plenty of places she can work around here. Even several opportunities for me to open a store here in town, and I know it'll do well. Probably better than in Sandpoint, given how few others like it there are here." He nodded. "I think it'd be good to come back here."

"You wouldn't miss Idaho?" I asked hesitantly. "Your family is there."

"My family is everywhere." He laughed. "They're all so busy with their own lives and raising their own kids. Nothing is stopping us from visiting them." He'd clearly put a lot of thought into it already.

"It's up to you." I laughed as well. "When?"

"Well, we still have some things to take care of there first, but I think sometime within the next few months. We wanted to be completely sure before letting you know." He paused. "You're just growing so fast, and I wanted so much to be a part of it. However small that part might be, I'll be around to see it."

I smiled, looking down. That smile faded as I realized he wouldn't be completely part of it. He didn't know how different I really was.

My dad's family, Andrew and his dad, and Heather, Zack, and Josh were the extent of my human relationships. I hadn't really been tempted to change that for a long while. Especially considering the entire town hating me there for a little while.

I never asked why I wasn't sent back to school after the last day of being suspended back in May, but I didn't need to. Going back to school wasn't a subject that was usually approached, though I was curious whether or not they were brave enough to try it.

My dad didn't know about my dreams, and the dark turn they'd taken since December. There was so much about my life that he didn't know.

"Um.." I said, not looking up yet. "How much do you know about the last couple of months?"

"Not very much, unfortunately." He sighed. "And that's my fault. I should have called."

"Maybe you should know first." I mumbled. "Before making up your mind. There's a lot you should know first." I looked to Carlisle again. I still really didn't know how much was okay to tell him, but maybe now would be a good time to fill him in a little bit about what he was signing on for.

My past had a way of coming back to haunt me, and my reputation had gotten me into enough trouble. I didn't want him or worse, Lily to suffer because someone found out they were related to me. Given how alike Lily and I looked, it wouldn't be hard to figure out.

"I agree." Carlisle replied.

Sensing the sudden tension, Rachel spoke up. "Lily, why don't you and Leandra go into the kitchen for a few minutes?"

"Okay, momma." For once, Lily wasn't being a little snot.

I figured that it was a better idea to let Carlisle handle this, so I stood up and led her out of the room and into the kitchen. She sighed and grabbed a soda from the bowl of ice on the counter. I did the same.

Lily's reply to Rachel stuck with me a little bit. I wanted to start calling Esme 'mom'. After all, it had been kind of official for awhile by now. I wished I could make that switch, but I wasn't sure.

I put that thought away for later.

Instead, I studied Lily. She was the same age I was when my life was changed for the darker. When Jack decided to change me for the darker. It was a memory I'd never lose, but the way I looked at it now was so different than I used to.

I understood a lot more about it now than I did before, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Lily was the same age I was when most of my nightmares first began, and knowing that made me really wonder.

What could Jack have ever seen in me that he hated so much?

I'd probably never get the answer to that. It was just something I'd have to learn how to accept eventually.

"So." She said quietly after a few moments. "I don't really know you."

"I know." I said, shrugging a little. "And I don't know you."

"But dad says we're moving here to be closer to you." She said. "I just don't get it. If you're my sister, how come you live with another family? Nobody's ever really told me." I looked at her, thinking. She obviously really didn't understand. She wasn't trying to pick a fight.

"Okay." I finally said. "Come on. I'll tell you." I sighed and led her from the kitchen. I wanted to walk while I told her this. I looked to Esme. "We'll be outside for a minute." She nodded, and I heard Carlisle explaining. It would be awhile before he was done.

"Okay." I said again once the front door was closed. "I'm only your half sister, since we have different moms." She nodded, following along beside me.

I glanced down at her, making sure she was listening. "Our dad was married to my mom, before he was married to yours. That's where I came from. Well, a long time ago, my mom divorced dad, and he wasn't allowed to see me anymore."

"What's a divorce?" She asked curiously.

"It's where two married people figure out they don't want to be married anymore, so they quit being married."

"Oh." She nodded.

I hesitated, thinking about how to keep going. How to sum up my hellish life in a way a six year old would understand?

"Well.." I started here. "My mom remarried a different man, and dad still wasn't allowed to be in my life."

"Why not?"

"I dunno." I sighed. "I still don't get it myself."

"Oh." She repeated, nodding again.

"It was because of my mom's second marriage that I had to leave, and come live here. Trust me, living here was a million times better than where I was living before, so I was okay with it."

"What was wrong with living with your mom?" She asked. "You said something last year about her not being there. Where was she?"

"That's.." I sighed. "Probably not a good idea to tell you yet, because it'll only confuse you."

"Just try."

"She was there." I allowed. "She was there, living with us, but she wasn't paying attention to what was going on."

"See?" She asked. "I got that. Was that so hard?" She was quiet, so I continued.

"When dad finally showed up, I was comfortable here. I really wanted to stay, because to me, dad was just a stranger. I hadn't even seen him since I was two, and I didn't know him then. Well, in order for me to stay, he had to sign away his rights. He had to say he wouldn't be responsible for me anymore." I explained before she could ask. "So they couldn't force me to leave my family here, and go live with you guys."

"Dad's a nice guy." She said. "Why wouldn't you want to come live with us?"

"I know he's a nice guy now. But I didn't back then." I paused, looking for the right way to describe it. "Before I came here, I wasn't being treated right. I was treated really bad there, but when I came here, I was treated much better. I didn't know what it was like to be treated better, and so.. When I finally was, I wanted to keep it. Leaving here to go live with you guys was too risky for me."

"Oh." She said, nodding. "Okay. I get it now. You were afraid?"

"Yeah." I admitted. "I was. I didn't know dad back then, so leaving everything I had here to go with him wasn't something I wanted to try."

"I get it now." She repeated. "Why wouldn't anyone just tell me that?"

"Probably because you're so young. They probably didn't think you'd get it." I explained. "They do that to me a lot, too."

She nodded. I was a little relieved she accepted my explanation so easily. I didn't have to go into any specifics.

"You know what?" She asked.

"What?" I asked, looking down at her.

"I like you." She said, nodding. I smiled a little. "Makes it not so bad that we're moving here."

"You don't want to move?" I asked, and she sighed.

"Not really, I guess. I'll just miss my friends." She explained, and I nodded.

"I'll share my friends with you." I said. "I kinda like them."

"You finally got friends?" She asked and I sighed, looking down at her. "I know, I know, but you didn't have any last year." That was true.

"Yeah, I got friends." I answered. "It was kinda hard, though."

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't trust a lot of people." I answered. "It takes a lot for me to make friends."

"Are they coming here today?" She asked curiously.

"I think so."

She seemed happy about that, and that confused me a little. I actually couldn't wait for Andrew to get here, but I was a little nervous about the other two.

I hadn't seen Josh or Zack in so long. I honestly didn't know how they took the news of Jack's death. They were filled in a little bit about who Jack was to me, as Andrew had filled them in a little bit before everything went to shit the night of the graduation party just over a month ago, but I had yet to really catch up with them. It bothered me to leave it like that.

That had to have gotten to them, though. They'd grown up knowing Jack as a nice guy. Then I come along, tell them the truth about him, and just a few days later, he's gone forever.

As we were just heading inside, though, I looked up, moving Lily and I to the side and up on the porch at the sight of Heather's new car coming up the drive into the yard. Her other one had been used to set up that car accident, but I was pretty sure she wasn't going to turn down a brand new one, and she didn't.

I was glad to see her, and confirm for myself that she was okay.

Not having seen the boys for almost a solid month, I almost didn't recognize Josh, as he'd clearly reached a growth spurt. His hair was longer, coming almost to the tops of his ears. Not to mention how much taller he'd gotten. Maybe an inch or two, at the most, but it was definitely enough to make me sure feel smaller.

Even Zack had changed. Not quite as much as Josh, but it was enough. He'd gotten even more taller than me since I'd last seen them, and his hair had grown a bit as well. I still easily recognized his silly smile, though.

"Holy crap." I laughed as they stepped out of the car. "What happened?"

"You're taller." Zack noted, which surprised me. How was I changing without even noticing?

"Not like you." I replied, looking at Josh specifically.

"And you got a minion." Zack pointed out, looking at Lily.

I looked over as Heather approached. I accepted her gentle hug, returning it with a tight one of my own. She still seemed perfectly fine, but just remembering that day made me hug her tighter.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart." She murmured, allowing me to pull back and looking down at me.

"Thanks." I mumbled. "I'm glad you could come."

"We wouldn't miss it." She replied, smiling a little. She looked beside me. "Who's this?"

"Oh." I remembered about her. "Guys, this is Lily. My sister, I guess."

"You guess?" Zack laughed.

"We have different moms." I explained, and he nodded.

"It's nice to meet you, honey." Heather smiled at her, which Lily returned. "I'm Heather." I also remembered something.

"My dad's inside." I mentioned quietly. I was pretty sure she'd appreciate a heads up, considering she hadn't seen him since I was a baby. They used to be friends.

"Chris?" She asked, needing confirmation. I nodded. She nodded as well, glancing toward the door.

"That's Zack, and that's Josh." I went on with the introduction as Heather quietly excused herself. It was probably a good idea to let that reunion happen by itself. I didn't want to get in the way.

Josh seemed amused by the look she gave him.

"You didn't tell me your friends were boys." She whispered in a very serious tone. She clearly disapproved. Andrew hadn't even gotten there yet.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked, and she seemed hesitant.

"Boys are weird." She replied.

"It's a good thing I'm weird then, huh?"

"I didn't know you had a sister." Josh grinned. "She's so cute."

"Half sister." Lily obviously didn't like him, given her tone. I laughed a little, remembering clearly just how much I didn't like Josh when I first met him. I guessed Lily and I had more in common than I thought.

"And she's six, so be nice." I said, pointing to Josh in particular.

"I'm always nice." He replied, and I had to admit. He might have been annoyingly confident sometimes, but he wasn't mean.

"You guys look alike." Zack pointed out.

"You guys look alike." I countered, and he laughed.

"Duh. We have the same parents." He countered right back.

Our discussion was cut short at the sound of another car coming. I knew who it was before they even made it to the yard, taking a step forward. Sure enough, Richard's car pulled up.

I greeted Andrew with a hug as soon as he stepped out, which he returned.

"Hey." He laughed. "Guess we're a little late."

"We beat you here." Zack teased with a smile.

Richard came around to our side, joining us. I knew he'd been worried about me since he saw me last week, but he seemed to feel better by witnessing the way I greeted his son.

For a second, I considered how strange it was. In a way, I had a lot more parents than just two. Heather worried about me because she'd bonded to me as a baby, and Richard was one of the cops in on my case from the beginning. I was pretty sure they cared about me like one of their own.

My dad and Rachel was a given.

Then there was my family. I knew the others let Carlisle and Esme be the parents, but every one of them had something to teach me. It was something I couldn't help but notice.

"Another boy?" Lily had wandered over.

"Yeah." I replied, reminded. "Lily, this is Andrew. Andrew, Lily. My sister."

He smiled at her, and she returned it. She seemed fine with Andrew. Even waving a little in greeting. Maybe she was more comfortable by the way there was only one of him. Zack was a lot to handle on his own, but add in Josh to that, and it was a little overwhelming. I remembered that.

"Happy birthday, honey." Richard hugged me lightly into his side, which I carefully returned.

"Thanks." I replied quietly. I still wasn't sure about my birthday.

"I take it your dad's here?" Andrew asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah, they're inside with the baby."

"Baby?" Andrew asked, surprised.

"My other sister." I nodded again. "They're talking to Carlisle about moving here."

"Oh boy." Josh laughed. "They're going to have so much fun in this town."

"Shut up." I grumbled, and he gave me a look.

"Can we go inside now?" Lily asked, taking my hand. That surprised me that she'd do that, but I realized by looking down at her how shy she was feeling. Half hiding behind my arm as she looked at them.

"Yeah." I said. "Yeah. Come on, guys. Let's go inside." I led the way up the steps, holding onto Lily's hand since she didn't seem to want to let it go.

"Leandra?" Andrew called, and I looked back at him. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I glanced down at Lily.

"Yeah." I said. "Just.. Wait here for a second. I'll be right back."

I led Lily inside. I thought she might like an escort, given the several new people just behind us. One of which she didn't like. I knew I probably would have wanted an escort by someone I knew. I still did. As shy as she was, I knew that it was just that. Her being shy.

I didn't have any experience whatsoever at being an older sister, but I found it easier imagining what I would want when I was her age, or in her position.

I introduced Josh and Zack really quickly to my dad and Rachel, and excused myself for a minute. I practically ran back to the door, closing it behind me.

I smiled at Andrew still standing there. "What's up?"

"I wanted to ask." He murmured. "Did you sleep?" Since last week.

"I got a lot of sleep last night." I assured him, and he nodded. I didn't even need to get into details. He was fine with that.

"And I won't say anything about.. Anything to them." He added quietly.

"Thanks." I hadn't realized I was worried about that. "Yeah, I can just hear Josh's teasing now. Zack would be cool, but Josh.. I already feel enough like a baby."

"Nah." He replied. "Josh wouldn't tease you about it. At least I don't think so."

"Do you know how they're doing?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean.. About Jack." I felt like I wanted some kind of heads up if they were pissed at me.

He looked down briefly. "They don't talk about it much, but I'm pretty sure their mom has been talking to them about it." I nodded. "How are you, though? My dad said that car accident was so random."

"It was raining that day." I muttered, keeping my eyes down. He still waited, so I took a breath. "I don't know. It's weird. I guess I try not to think about it much. I'm just glad he's gone, and maybe I can start figuring myself out."

"Me too." He sighed, putting his arm around my shoulders. I smiled a little, allowing it. He didn't know how much the simple action comforted me.

"They've changed." I pointed out. "A lot."

"Yeah." To my surprise, he frowned a little. "They're different. At least Josh is."

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning as well. "He seems the same."

"He's.." Andrew sighed. "I don't know. Bossier."

"What do you mean?" I asked again, confused.

"They were over at my house yesterday, and you should have heard him bossing Zack around. Not just playing, either. It surprised me, because you know how those two are."

"Yeah." I agreed. "That doesn't sound like something Josh would do. Are you sure he wasn't just playing?"

"I don't know." He sighed. "Maybe he was. Zack didn't seem surprised by it, or even bothered, so maybe I was just looking too far into it." I nodded. I really hoped that was all it was. "But I really wanted to tell him to lay off. I just wasn't sure if I should."

"I'm sure it's okay, but I'll pay attention." He nodded as well, and I turned, leading him back toward the door. "I'm pretty good at reading people."

I sighed and sat down beside my dad, and Lily scooted over, changing her seat to directly beside me. It was interesting to me how shy she was, and how quickly she seemed to accept me already. Compared to last year, it was such a change, and a little unsettling to me, to be honest. Again, I'd never had any experience being an older sister. I was so used to being the youngest.

Esme and Rachel sat talking, so I thought I'd get talking a little myself. Hoping to combat the jealously of the infant babbling in Esme's arms, intently interested in her bracelets. The little demon.

"Please someone tell me something new." I piped up, and Zack laughed. I felt like I'd been cooped up for too long.

"We just got back from California." Zack offered hopefully, and that surprised me. Andrew nodded, as if reminded.

"Mom didn't go." Josh looked toward Heather, who shook her head.

"Trust me, I had my own little vacation here." She assured them with a smile.

"Why'd you go there?" I frowned.

"Duh. It's summer." Josh replied. "Like we're gonna hang around this place when there's sun right over there."

"Grandma invited us." Zack explained further, almost apologetically. "So we spent a few days with her." That made sense.

"So how was California?" I asked, still surprised by how much Josh and Zack had changed.

"Man, you don't even know." Josh grinned. "The beach is so much better when it's sunny and warm all the time. Nothing like the beaches around here. Here, the beaches are all rocky and it's almost never sunny. There, nothing but sand."

"That does sound nice." I commented. "I don't think I've ever been in the sun without some kind of cloud cover."

Arizona didn't count, because I was stuck inside the entire time we were there, and just the memory of the amount of distrust I felt back then made me uncomfortable. That wasn't one of my proudest moments.

"You really don't know what you're missing." Josh shook his head.

"Really?" Andrew asked. "Never?"

"Not that I remember." I shrugged. "I was born here."

"I took you to Port Angeles on a sunny day." My dad said. "But that was so long ago, I'm not surprised you don't remember it."

"Well, we've definitely got to fix that." Alice murmured, looking to Esme.

"We should have asked dad to take you along." Josh said. "You would have loved it. I know you would have. Maybe you wouldn't be so pale." He joked, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

He seemed to remember something. "Oh. It's not wrapped or anything, but.." He stood, reaching into his back pocket, pulling out what at first looked like a bracelet, but it was too big. He handed it to me. "It's a choker." Oh, a necklace.

Ironic, I thought. I looked it over, smiling a little. Tiny, clear green beads held together by a light tan thick sort of thread with a simple clasp in the back.

"Thank you." I said, and he smiled in return.

"Happy birthday." He said. "Here." He offered to put it on for me. I let him, moving my hair for him. Lily moved back as he leaned over, reaching up. He gently clasped it into place, and stepped back, smiling. "I was right. The beads do match your eyes." I laughed a little, looking down. Surprised at the blush that came to my cheeks.

I honestly didn't know what to say to that. I reached up and touched it where it settled into place.

"See?" He nudged Zack. "Told you it wasn't stupid."

"No." I said, shaking my head. "No, I really like it. Thank you."

"Anyway." Zack continued, somewhat irritated. Josh laughed a little as I looked to Zack, confused. "Back to what we were saying."

"Yeah." Josh nodded, sitting back down. "You've definitely got to visit there some time. Trust me, you won't be disappointed."

"The sun wasn't even the best part about the beach." Zack said, chuckling a little. His previous irritation obviously gone.

"Then what was?" I asked, curious.

"The girls." Both he and Josh answered at the same time. Laughing. I rolled my eyes, sighing as I leaned back. Even Emmett got the biggest smirk, and I wanted to throw my shoe at him.

"What about them?" Lily asked, confused.

"Everything." Josh replied. "Their-"

"Uh." Emmett spoke up. "If that's going where I think it's going, we should probably fix that answer."

"Um, okay." Josh said. "Their.. Hair."

"Their hair was always so long and pretty." Zack agreed, smiling.

"Oh." She said, her tone suggesting she questioned their sanity. She looked to me and I looked to her. "Told you boys are weird."

"I'm starting to agree with you." I told her, and she giggled.

To my surprise, the day went very well. With so many people in one room, I half expected to feel closed in or claustrophobic, but I never did. Despite how tired I was the entire time, I managed to have quite a few laughs.

The only time I really got uncomfortable was when my dad insisted I hold Kaylee.

"Is she gonna bite me?" I asked, trying to figure out a way to have the least amount of contact with her.

"No." My dad laughed, standing with a camera in his hands. "She's a baby, not a raccoon." Lily and I looked at each other, laughing at that thought. Quickly, he managed to snap that picture. "Ha. Almost guaranteed, I won't get another like that one in a million years."

I knew enough to know to support her, which was pretty hard to do, considering she liked to move. I was not only grossed out, but terrified I would drop her or something. Even sitting down.

"Oh god, she's drooling on me." I whined. "And I think she peed."

"You get used to that." Lily told me, laughing at the look on my face. "Just be glad she hasn't barfed on you yet."

"She does that, too?" I asked, nervously adjusting her on my lap.

"Yeah, sometimes." Lily nodded. "The first time she did that to me, I cried. Now it's no big deal. It's gross, but she doesn't mean it." She reached over and pulled Kaylee from my lap, settling her securely on her own. She'd obviously had more experience with her, for which I was grateful.

There were so many more pictures taken this time than my last birthday. Both from my family, and my dad. I found I didn't mind.

There were pictures taken of me with Andrew, Josh and Zack, as well as me with my dad and Lily, or just me and him, or just me and Lily. Mostly for my dad's benefit, as I was sure he was trying to make up for all the time he'd missed. Now that me and Lily got along a little better, he had a chance to.

Carlisle, Esme and I. All the "kids" of my family and me, Esme took over taking the pictures of that one. I didn't mind. Not in the least. I was actually in a good mood, and I knew that reflected in my smile, though I was sure Jasper was helping quite a bit with that.

The longer the day went on without a problem, I hoped I could take that as a sign that the next year of my life would be better.

Unfortunately, my dad had to leave around nine that night, as both of the kids were exhausted, and Lily wasn't feeling well thanks to eating too much candy right before cake. Lily sat in Rachel's arms after I'd said goodbye to them as Rachel carried her to the car, and Kaylee lay sleeping in my dad's arm.

"I stayed as long as I could, honey." He reasoned as I stepped out onto the porch with him and I nodded.

"I know." I said. "Thank you for coming. And who knows? After you move here, I might just get used to this thing." I reached up, taking Kaylee's sleeping hand in my fingers.

He chuckled, reaching up and gently clearing her longish auburn hair from her forehead. I realized as he did that how amazed I was how almost all of his kids had taken most of his looks. Lily had about an equal mix of him and Rachel, but she didn't have his nose or his eye color like Kaylee and I did. It was a little hard to tell, but Kaylee looked like she had his nose, too. A smaller version of mine, with just a subtle little turn up at the end. A small little curve, but not too much.

Lily had both of their eye color, though. A brown hazel that green speckled in, but even then, it wasn't the right shade of green. The light colored green eyes I had mirrored his perfectly. One thing I liked about myself was my green eyes.

He paused for a moment, looking me over. As if thinking about the same thing I was.

"What?" I asked quietly, laughing.

"I just can't get over how much you look like me." He said, reaching up and gently pinching the end of my nose. "It amazes me how much more beautiful you are each time I see you." I smiled, looking down. "And stop looking down. You have so much worth sharing, sweetheart. Never be ashamed of that, or embarrassed. You are who you are for a reason, honey, and I'm proud of who you are."

I remembered then. Carlisle had filled him in. The not so good things were probably a very big shock, yet here he was, telling me he supported me. I stepped forward and hugged him, his free arm coming around my shoulders. "I love you, Leandra."

"I love you too." I murmured. And I did. I always had, even when I believed he should have been there. But the sleeping baby in his arm was explanation enough. If he'd insisted on staying in my life, he probably wouldn't have had a chance to remarry at all. Much less have Lily or Kaylee.

"I'll see you soon." He promised, and I smiled, nodding. Stepping back, I watched him leave. Stepping carefully down the steps, and making his way to the car.

For the oddest reason, watching him walk away, I had the worst feeling of dread in my stomach. It was bad enough to make me a little dizzy with worry, sick with nervousness, and I jumped as Alice suddenly joined me on the porch. Watching him place Kaylee in her seat, fastening her in. It was enough to make it through the happiness I felt that night.

"Hey." I called, and he turned to look at me. "You're going to stay the night in town, right? And head back in the morning?"

"I've got to get back, honey." He said, shaking his head a little.

"Please?" I asked, stepping down a step. "It'd be safer if you do."

"We'll be okay." He assured me with a smile. "Don't worry." I was vaguely aware that Jasper had joined us on the porch. I glanced back at them, noticing Alice's worried eyes as well.

"Please?" I asked again. "I really don't want you to make that trip tonight. A couple of hours won't kill you."

"She's right, Chris." Alice called. "Please don't try it." He sighed, looking into the occupied backseat.

"That's not such a bad idea." Rachel told him. "I wouldn't mind staying the night in town, and I know those two wouldn't mind. Lily just wants to get to sleep."

"Okay." He relented. "Alright. I am pretty tired. If it'll make you feel better, I'll wait until the morning."

"Thank you." I sighed, surprisingly feeling better. A lot better. Not a hint of the dread left in my stomach. Like it had just dissipated. He gave me a smile in return, nodding. I watched him drive away, turning back to the house.

"Leandra, what was that?" Jasper asked calmly as I made my way back up the steps.

"What was what?" I asked, coming to stand beside him.

"That. Just now, with your father." He clarified.

I looked down. "I don't really know." I shrugged. "I got a bad feeling when he walked away. Like.." I sighed, shaking my head. "Really bad."

"Well.." Jasper said. "I felt that, and something you don't know yet, is something bad was going to happen. We came out to talk him out of driving back tonight, but I see you had it handled." I didn't understand yet what he was saying. "You got that feeling just as soon as Alice did, after a vision."

"I just had a feeling." I shook my head a little. "I know he makes that drive all the time, but.. I dunno."

"Leandra." I looked to the door at Josh's voice. "You coming back in?"

"Yeah." I said. "Yeah, just give me a minute."

"Your brother suggested that we spend the night here." He grinned.

"Wait-What, like.. Here? All night?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah." He said. "My mom said yes, and Andrew's dad too."

Shit. That meant I couldn't freak out like I usually did. Not without seeming like a complete baby, and even then, everybody would have to go into their rooms tonight. Put up the act that they were sleeping. What did that mean for me?

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Remind me to hit Emmett as hard as I can, please." I muttered, looking to Alice. Jasper smirked, knowing exactly why I had a problem with this arrangement. They all did. I hadn't a doubt in my mind that was the reason why Emmett had decided to suggest it on such short notice. Especially while I was out of the room, so I couldn't protest.

"I hope your floor is comfortable." Josh laughed, heading back inside. Well, wasn't this just grand?

"We'll talk more about this tomorrow." Alice told me firmly, and I sighed, nodding. I now had a very long night ahead of me, on top of already having had a pretty long day. I knew full well why she wanted to talk about it so much.

Andrew found my side as soon as I walked in.

"It was all Emmett's idea." He whispered. "Everyone else tried to get you out of it, so just be mad at him." I appreciated that. He knew me that well. He was sparing the rest of the family my irritation. Across the room, Emmett smirked.

Didn't he know how hard this would be on me?

"I'll watch your back for spiders." Andrew promised, and I smiled a little. "Seriously, though. Don't worry. If you have a nightmare or something, I'll wake you up, and besides. It's not like they don't know. It's only for a night." I took a breath, nodding. He had a point.

"Come on." I followed him toward my room.

Josh took the hint, and Zack raced him up the hall. Zack was just about win that race, but Josh shoved him into the door frame and jogged through the door first. I ignored that.

"So where are we sleeping?" Josh asked, looking around as I turned on the light.

"Pick a spot." I said, shrugging.

"You get the bed, right?" Zack asked, sitting on the side of it.

"Nah. I'll sleep on the floor with you guys." I glanced to Andrew, and he gave me a small supportive smile. "I call the window."

"You're really not going to sleep in the bed?" Josh asked, surprised.

"Really." I said, sighing.

"Why?" He frowned.

"Long story." I muttered, and he looked to me.

"Good thing we've got all night, then, huh?" He asked, smiling. I thought back to what Carlisle told me about keeping secrets. I had to be careful what I said, and that meant being careful who I told.

"I have my reasons, okay?" I asked. "Please don't press me on this." He laughed.

"Okay, okay." He said, raising his hands a little. "Easy, tiger." He sighed and flopped back on the bed. "Even though it is pretty comfortable. Come on. It's not going to eat you."

"That's not why I don't like it." I said. "But funny."

"Ha." He said, lifting his head and pointing at me. "So you admit you don't like your bed. Let's see.. What possible reasons could there be?"

"Josh, knock it off." Andrew muttered. "Just leave it."

"I'm just curious." He said. "I've never heard of anyone hating their bed. Usually that's the main thing someone likes about their room." He paused. "You don't wet the bed, do you?"

"No." I gasped, offended. "I don't."

"Good." He said. "Because you're sleeping in it."

"Uh." I snorted. "I'll sleep exactly where I want to." I was starting to see the bossy thing Andrew had mentioned earlier.

"Come on." He said, sitting up. "There's nothing wrong with it. What? Have you not been sleeping in it?"

"Uh.." I muttered. "Okay, no. Not really."

"On the couch?" He asked, and I nodded. "That's gotta change."

"I don't know if-"

"Come on." He said. "Zack was afraid of his bed when he was six. I told him I'd pay him ten bucks if he got over it."

"This is a little different, I think." I shook my head.

"What could it hurt?" He asked. "I'd feel bad if you slept on the floor."

"It's no big deal." I said. "Right now, I could probably sleep on the roof and be fine."

Luckily for me, Josh and Zack's dad showed up then with clothes for them. Giving me a break from the conversation. Pulling Andrew off to the side, I frowned.

"What do I say to him?" I asked. "He's not going to drop it."

"Just tell him what you told me." He said. "Or just keep telling him to drop it. You'll be okay. If he gets too bad, I'll step in." I sighed, looking back at where they stood talking to their dad in the living room.

"I feel so stupid."

"Don't." He said. "You have your reasons. It's okay."

"I hate you." I hissed to Emmett through my teeth as he walked by.

"Opportunity." Emmett whispered back with a chuckle. I shook my head. I wasn't sure what that meant.

"Don't worry about it." Andrew said again. "You'll live through tonight. And who knows? Maybe Josh is right. I think it's worth a try."

I wasn't so sure. I hated the feeling I had. I just knew this was a bad idea.

 **A/N: Okay, so it's come to my attention that this entire story needs work. SO BADLY. I'm probably going to be taking some time with each chapter, just to make sure everything is how I want it.  
I'm sorry this chapter took so long, compared to how completely boring it is. A particular scene in this chapter _literally_ took three tries to get it right, which took up every minute of my allotted "once the baby is in bed" time for like three days. Yes, I have kept those bits as outtakes. Don't judge lol**  
 **THANK YOU! To those AWESOME and AMAZING reviewers of the first chapter! You guys are AWE-MAZING! Five dozen cookies for each of you.**  
 **Chapter three may take a few days, but I'm hoping it won't take too long. I'm still looking for that balance. I know it's around here somewhere.**  
 **Until Three, my friends! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

We were up pretty late.

I was hoping the longer we stayed piled in front of the TV the better chance I had of just sleeping on the couch, but after the last movie was over, Josh had to be the responsible one.

"Time for bed, kids." He sighed, standing up. I knew he only wanted to pressure me into sleeping in my bed. It'd worked with Andrew there. Maybe it could work again, but I was so scared to try.

The rest of my family had gone upstairs at this point.

Carlisle had asked if I wanted him to step in. I did, but I had to handle this on my own. Which was Emmett's exact angle, I was sure.

We walked into my room to find the mountain of pillows and blankets on the floor. Ready to be chosen and made into nests on the floor. I walked forward first, and chose a rather large pillow.

"Leandra." Josh spoke up. "What are you doing?"

"Making my bed."

"Funny, because your bed is right there."

I sighed heavily.

"Stop pushing it so hard." Andrew came to my side. "Just let her do what she wants to do."

"Shut up." Josh replied. "I know what I'm doing."

"You're pissing her off, is what you're doing." Andrew countered. "I don't know about you, but I don't want her snapping."

"Then go somewhere else." Josh countered easily.

"I'm staying out of it." Zack whispered, hesitantly choosing a rather large blanket next.

"You're pushing things that you don't need to be pushing. She can sleep where she wants to sleep." Andrew stated next. "You might boss Zack around, but you're not gonna push her around."

"Oh, calm down." Josh rolled his eyes. "No one's buying the act."

"It's not an act." Andrew and I both replied at the same time.

"Okay." Josh sighed. "Let's just go back a step. _Why_ do you hate your bed?" I was getting frustrated. It'd been a really long day, and I was tired.

"I just do."

"Don't be a baby." Josh replied firmly. "Why? Out with it."

I took a breath, but my irritation couldn't be held in. "Because it's the last place I saw Jack before he died."

"What?" All three of them gasped in surprise. Even Zack stepped around to look at me. I didn't know how to continue that, but I did know I shouldn't continue that, so I shut up, and looked down.

"You never told me that." Andrew said, tense. I thought quickly. What was believable? I needed my mind to work faster.

"He was here." I admitted. "That's why I couldn't see anyone for awhile. He got to me."

"How?" Zack asked, still shocked.

"Nobody was home." I sighed. "And Jack knew it. So he chased me in here, and.." I hesitantly glanced to my bed. "Well, Emmett got home, found him on top of me, and chased him away, but ever since then, I've haven't been able to sleep in my bed." That was an okay lie, right?

"No wonder." Andrew muttered. Looking at the bed as well.

"Well, we're gonna get you over that." Josh finally shook off his surprise rather quickly, and if anything, he was more determined. That was odd.

"Josh, he tried to kill me." I snapped, and his eyes hardened. "Every single day, and he almost did. Twice. That's not something I can just get over, and until you know what that's like, shut up." I didn't like being so harsh and straight-forward about it, but he wasn't getting it.

"Is he here now?" Josh snapped back. "No. So we're gonna get you over that."

"Leave her alone, Josh." For the first time, it sounded like Andrew was warning him. Zack stood there looking between them tensely.

"Come on, guys." Seeing Zack's tension, I spoke up. "I don't wanna fight. I know what you're trying to do, Josh, but it's not gonna work so you need to just stop."

It was silent for a few seconds, before Josh sighed and stepped further into the room. I watched as he sat down on the side of my bed, leaning forward until his elbows were braced on his knees.

"Sorry." He finally said, glancing up at me. "I guess I was just hoping it wasn't that bad. I know that's stupid, and I know it's really selfish, but.. I can't help it, you know? I'm not trying to be a jerk."

Again, I felt so bad for him. My anger dissipated, and I sighed.

"I didn't wanna tell you." I reminded him quietly. "Even when I found out who he was."

"No, I'm glad we know now." He shook his head. "It's just.. I dunno. It's.."

"Weird." I answered for him, and he nodded. My voice softened. "I don't blame you for caring about him, if that's what you're worried about. I don't think you're selfish. You guys just knew a whole different part of him that I didn't, just like I knew a different part of him that you didn't. That's not your fault."

I honestly didn't hold it against them. I'd had enough time to really consider their point of view. Where I was shocked he was ever considered to be nice by anyone, they had a hard time seeing the things I was telling them.

I had to remember that Josh was only two years older than I was. Seeing him now, it made me miss his confident side. He was grieving for a person he only knew as his uncle. Someone who'd been there his whole life, and I felt absolutely horrible for being the reason why he was hurting.

I hesitantly walked forward. Swallowing back the guilt, I sat next to him.

"On a scale of one to ten.." Josh muttered. "How bad was it?" I looked down. I knew it was a very reasonable question, and I understood why he needed to know, but that was a really hard question to answer.

"Thirty." Andrew muttered from the side. Josh looked to him. "At least." He'd been given the gist of it.

"Are you sure?" He asked, as if trying to find some way to make it okay.

"I don't wanna tell you everything he did." I mumbled. "But yeah. I'm pretty sure. That's not your fault, though. I can't blame you for not knowing about me. I didn't know about you either. I'm _glad_ he was nice to you."

He looked over, so I went on.

"Jack hated me so much, but I think that just helped him love you. If he's always been nice to you, then I'm happy because I know nobody else suffered."

I accepted Josh's hug with one of my own.

"We'll figure it out later." I told him. "For now, just.. Don't think about it." He took a deep breath, nodding. Looking over, he smiled a little.

"You're sitting on the bed." He pointed out, and I looked down.

"I guess I am." I shrugged a little, "But it doesn't mean I'll be sleeping on it." He smirked, but didn't push it any further.

"Leandra, why didn't you tell me that part before?" Andrew asked. I didn't know how to answer that. "Does my dad not know he was here?"

"I didn't think to tell him that part, because Jack was here the day before he died." I lied. "I didn't want your dad wondering why I was here alone. It was only for a few hours, and Carlisle asked Heather to check up on me."

"I'm not gonna tell him." He assured me. "I was just wondering why you left that part out."

"Because I feel stupid." I admitted. That wasn't a complete lie. "I didn't want you to know how dumb I am."

"You're not stupid." Josh muttered beside me.

"I am." I argued. "Because I opened the door. I let him in."

"Opening the door and letting him in are two different things." Zack piped up matter-of-factly. I blinked in surprise. That was an angle I hadn't considered before.

"He's right." Andrew murmured. "Let me guess. He tricked you? Because I know you wouldn't just let him walk in."

"I just wanted him to leave." I mumbled. "That's all. All I did was open the door to talk to him."

"Yeah." Andrew nodded. "All fifty pounds of you couldn't stop him from getting through the door. There's no way."

"And he's the reason you hate your bed?" Josh asked. This time, I just nodded. I knew in the following few seconds of silence they were imagining it.

"Let's talk about something else now." I suggested quietly. "I hate thinking about that day even more than I hate my bed."

"Are you coming back to school in September?" Zack asked hesitantly. "I think it could be safe now as long as you don't attack anyone."

"I dunno." I replied. "I haven't asked, and nobody's bringing it up."

"You should." Andrew agreed. "If they let you, I mean."

Honestly, I hadn't given much thought to it. That sense of 'different' was still there. Stronger than ever, and I really wasn't sure if it was smart to test it.

"So.." Josh muttered. "Okay, so where are we all sleeping?" It seemed he wasn't gonna push it.

"Let's just all sleep on the floor." Andrew suggested. "It's really not that big of a deal."

"Except for the spider." I pointed out, standing up.

"Spider?" Zack grinned.

"Inside joke." Andrew laughed, reaching down and grabbing a thick blanket from the pile.

By the time the nests were all made, Andrew and I were settled near the window, Josh and Zack closer to my bed at our feet.

I honestly tried to sleep, but I really couldn't. Stretched out on my stomach, even in my nest, it was really hard to sleep.

"I think that's been bugging him for awhile." I opened my eyes at Andrew's whisper. I was surprised he was still awake with how silent it'd been for so long.

"I think so too." I admitted in my own whisper.

"How did you know, though?"

"Like I said. I'm good at reading people." I replied almost silently. I slowly turned over, laying on my back now. "Not everything is how it looks. Sometimes everything can look one way, but underneath all that, it's completely different. You just gotta think about all the ways it could be, and go with the one that matches what you don't see."

"That makes me tired just thinking about it." He whispered a laugh.

"I think that's how Alice knew to look closer at me the first day I met her." I mused. He raised up just enough to rest his head on his hand. "She just knew that things weren't what I showed everyone. She could just tell something was wrong."

"Whatever it was, I'm glad she did." He replied. "If she didn't, then we'd never have met." That was certainly a thought. It was so hard to imagine a life where I'd never met my family. Or Andrew.

"I'd probably be dead." I whispered in thought. "Or still wishing I was."

"Don't say that."

"Sorry." I replied. "I used to think about that all the time. To me, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. The outside would've matched the inside."

"That must have been so hard." He sounded so sad.

"It was my normal." I sighed. "I've gotten better about changing it. That's why I keep saying I owe my family my life in more than one way, but I don't think they know it. The first day I met them was one of the the scariest days I've ever lived through, but thinking about it now.. It's different."

"When you think about that time.." He whispered hesitantly. "Before your family found you.. What's one of the worst things you think of?"

Oddly, I didn't immediately panic at the question. In the dimly lit room, I actually gave it some thought. Just one thing. One thing that stood out to me.

"One of the worst things.." I whispered in thought. "Probably being chained up outside all night. It rained all night, and it was so cold. So dark, and so cold it hurt, but I had nowhere to go, because Jack had chained my neck to a tree out back.

"I still remember the sound of every rain drop hitting the puddles around me, and the way that sound sort of blended in with everything I felt. I remember trying to sleep in that cold and in that rain. After awhile the rain hitting me even started to hurt, and I remember how pitch dark it was out there."

"God.." He whispered in sadness. "Why?"

"Because I threw up on him." I replied. "I was so scared, and he pulled me out so hard from under the kitchen sink. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't. He was _so_ mad.."

I shook my head, sighing as I closed my eyes.

"No wonder you were so afraid of him."

"That's not why." I sighed. "It was everything else. That was just one night out of years."

He was quiet, so I felt like going on.

"It's scary sometimes." I whispered, my eyes still closed. "When I think about how normal that all was to me. It was normal to expect the worst of him. Of everyone."

"But it was wrong." He pointed out gently.

"I knew it was wrong." I nodded. "The things he did were wrong. They were always wrong, but it was _normal_. It was wrong, but I still mean what I said to Josh earlier. I'm not jealous of them because they got the nice side of Jack. I'm just glad they didn't see the sides of him I saw. Just like I'm not that jealous of Lily anymore for getting to stay with my dad. I used to be, but I figured out that that's just not how life was set up for me."

He sighed, reaching over me with his free arm and hugging my shoulders.

"Yeah, it sucks." I admitted. "But I wouldn't change anything, because for the first time in my life, I think I'm right where I need to be."

"How do you do it?" He asked, and I heard the frown in his whisper. "You have so many sad and scary memories. Years."

"It helps to start over." I answered. "When things start to get too hard, I just keep telling myself to remember the basics. I'm safe here. I'm loved. I'm cared about. It's taken a lot of hard work for me to believe it, but now that I have, it helps me out of the dark when I start to get lost in there.

"When I remember how scared I always was. The pain, and hunger are things I'll never forget. I'll never forget the day all of that changed for me, and one day, I'll figure out a way to repay them for everything they've ever given and done for me."

It was silent for a few minutes, and I thought he'd fallen asleep, but he spoke again.

"Thank you for letting me in there." He whispered. "There's still so much I don't know about you, Leandra, but this talk helped."

"I don't normally let anyone else in my head."

"I don't blame you. Those memories are so painful, you don't like hurting other people with them. So you just live with them, but what I don't think you get, is that telling people doesn't hurt them. It makes them see you just a little differently. Telling people makes them see how strong you are to be here now."

"I'm just me." I frowned a little, shaking my head. "I don't see it as strong. What I was back then doesn't feel like strong. Back then, I wasn't anything."

"What about now?" He asked.

"Now.." I sighed, thinking. "I don't know. I don't know what I am. I don't know myself that well."

"Well, I think you're strong. You always have been, even when you don't feel like you are." Beside me, he finally laid his head back down. He finally removed his arm from my shoulders, and I rolled over onto my side. Rolling to face him.

"Thank you." I whispered, and I watched him smile a little before my eyes closed again.

Piled on the floor with all my friends was comforting, but sleeping on the floor sucked really bad. As tired as I was, I still woke up too early, and absolutely could not fall back to sleep.

Instead of waking everyone up with my tossing and turning, I left my room. I wondered what my family was doing, or how bored they were pretending to sleep. I knew they didn't mind doing this, and in a way, I even forgave Emmett for this idea. Even if I didn't sleep, it was nice.

I felt a little awkward with what I'd confessed to Andrew the night before, but I knew he wouldn't be. To him, it was just another note explaining why I was the way I was.

I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth just for something to do, but when I came out, I was surprised to see Josh standing and waiting just outside the door.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "Did I wake you up?"

"Nah." He replied, shaking his head. "I've been awake for awhile, but I didn't want to be the only one up." I nodded, accepting that.

"I'm sorry about being so bossy last night." He went on quietly. "I just really wanted to help you. I thought maybe if I pushed it just enough, you'd see it wasn't that big of a deal. Or if I annoyed you enough, you'd get passed it just to shut me up."

That actually made a lot of sense.

"It's okay." I said. "I know you were just trying to help."

It took me a second to realize that we were standing here alone, but with him standing there, I didn't have many options to get around him. In the first light of morning, the windows in the living room filling the short hallway with blue-gray light, it was so quiet.

I wasn't sure what he wanted, so I stepped to the side, freeing the doorway to the bathroom, but he sort of followed. I paused, looking up at him. I couldn't figure out what he wanted, and that made me nervous.

"Don't hate me, okay?" He asked. I frowned.

"For what?" I asked quietly. Usually statements like that meant he had to tell me something he wasn't sure about telling me.

Looking up at him, I couldn't read his expression.

He took a second or two, seemingly steeling himself while I waited for his answer. Instead of speaking, though, he stepped forward. Before I could even back up a step, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips.

A quick one, but somehow, this was lingering. It was over before I could even protest, leaving me standing there, surprised and stunned.

My lack of reaction only gained a second, longer lasting kiss from him. This time, I felt myself return it. The second I did, something like fear flooded me and I stepped back, biting my lip. It was definitely something I hadn't expected, and I was _not_ prepared for drowning again.

I had trouble breathing, but I managed to hide it the best I could.

He still seemed nervous, but he also seemed proud in a way. I'd always told myself that I'd hit anyone that tried to kiss me, but now that it'd happened, I couldn't make my fists work.

Without waiting for a response, he walked into the bathroom, his smile only growing. I wondered if he even knew what he'd just done.

I honestly didn't know what to do. It took my emotions a few seconds to sort themselves out from just where'd they'd just erupted into pure chaos. He hadn't forced me. I hadn't felt trapped, because he wasn't holding me there, but my stomach felt shaky. Almost like I was scared, and I definitely was, but it was different.

Eventually, Josh was going to come back out of that bathroom, and I'd have to function again. I had to tell him what I thought, either way, but I didn't even know what I thought. I begged my mind to unfreeze. The first thing I did when I could move was cover my mouth.

What the hell was that? Was it too late to hit him? Why didn't I want to hit him? Truthfully, underneath the panic and chaos, it hadn't been bad exactly, but I was so mixed up, and I felt like crying. I needed to get myself together.

I uncovered my mouth, and just focused on taking deep breaths.

"Holy crap." I shakily whispered to myself.

I jumped as Alice suddenly arrived at my side. By the huge smile on her face, she obviously knew what happened. Probably thanks to Jasper and his direct tie to the overwhelming flood of emotions.

"First, breathe." She whispered quickly. "Second, don't panic. Don't hit him. Unless you want to."

"I don't." I whimpered, still quite fearful. I was so confused by that.

She grinned. "Good. Okay, so just let him know whether or not that was acceptable. Poor boy was just as terrified, so he wasn't trying to upset you."

"B-But.." I whispered. "What.. I don't even know what to do. Why don't I wanna hit him?"

"That's normal." She assured me. "Just remember that it's okay. I know your first instinct is to panic, but don't give it too much time there."

"Why isn't Jasper helping me?"

"Because these emotions are important." She replied easily. "They're a part of growing up, and you need to feel them if you're going to learn how to manage them properly. You're just fine."

I took a deep breath, holding it for a second. I appreciated her direction. She waited for me to nod before she hugged me and dashed away. I sighed heavily, and I found I did feel a little better.

Once I calmed down, I had no clue what the hell I was left with, but I didn't have much time to focus on that as my bedroom door opened. Andrew came wandering out.

"Are you okay?" He instantly asked. Even just waking up, he noticed. I honestly wasn't sure about telling him about what just happened. I didn't know what stopped me.

"Yeah." I sighed again. "Just remind me never to sleep on the floor again." He laughed, so I knew he believed me.

"Or stay up until 1:30 in the morning talking." He replied, and I smiled. "Josh in there?" He gestured to the bathroom.

"Yeah." I repeated. "But he shouldn't be much longer." He nodded and stepped forward to stand next to me.

I looked over, toward the living room as someone descended the stairs. This time the sound was obvious, so I knew it was okay to react. When the water in the kitchen started, I knew immediately that it was Esme.

Zack actually surprised me by wandering out next. With sleep still in his eyes, he looked at us, then at the closed bathroom door.

"Josh?"

"Yup." Andrew answered. Zack wandered forward and pounded once on the door.

"Hurry up." Zack called. "There's a line, and I really gotta pee."

"I'm not in line." I said. "Just standing here."

Regardless, Zack landed against the wall to Andrew's other side. I waited there for a few seconds, before I decided to just get dressed. It would give me a minute more of alone time, and it would let the boys sort out the bathroom.

Without a word, I made my way into my room, closing the door behind myself.

I hadn't realized before how nervous being kissed made me feel. I had to take a few minutes, but I felt so incredibly stupid for reacting this way. Not for something so small. Alice had said it was normal. Did that mean I had a normal reaction to a normal situation for once? It sure didn't feel normal. It was scary, and new, and I had no clue what to do with it.

With no warning, I'd just landed face first into new emotional territory, and I had no clue where the hell I was.

I stepped back out, nervously looking out into the hall. It was empty now, so I scooted out to the living room. One glance told me Zack and Josh were in the kitchen, talking to Esme while she got breakfast going.

Flopping onto the couch on my knees beside Emmett suddenly sitting there. He obviously knew, by the smirk on his face. I just couldn't imagine Alice keeping quiet about it, so I wouldn't have been surprised if the whole family knew.

Maybe a guy's advice would keep me from acting stupid.

"What do I do?" I asked in a whisper.

"That's something you're going to have to figure out on your own, shorty." He chuckled, shaking his head. "But damn, you are _blushing_."

"Do I hit him?" I asked. "Because I seriously think I should. Or throw up. I'm not sure which." I paused. "Maybe you can hit him, while I throw up. Yeah." I nodded, attempting to crawl backwards off the couch.

"Shorty." I paused, looking up. "You're putting too much thought into it."

"I am?"

"You are." He confirmed. "Just relax. It's fine."

"But I don't want a boyfriend. Ever."

He chuckled quietly. "There's still time for that. Don't even worry about that yet. I think this was a test for him. Boys are weird that way."

"It's.. It makes me nervous. It's too weird."

"I can hear that." He confirmed. Meaning my racing heart. "Just take a breath. Calm down."

I glanced back as Andrew made his way toward the kitchen. Josh glanced at me from the kitchen.

"I'll talk to him for you." Emmett offered, and I narrowed my eyes a little. "No bat. I won't even threaten his life. I can be nice." As tempted as I was to hide behind Emmett, he couldn't protect me from boys my whole life. Well, he could, and happily would, but I wanted to figure out how to do it myself.

"Shouldn't I do that, though?" I asked hesitantly.

"Just tell him the truth, shorty."

"But I don't know what that truth is." I whined. He nodded slowly in understanding.

"My point is just be honest." He replied. "It's obvious to anyone with eyes that he cares about you. He'll listen. It's up to you how you want to approach it, though. Just keep in mind that he's _never_ allowed to make you feel uncomfortable. Never forget that, and if he ever does, just knock him on his ass, or tell me. I'll sort him out for you the second you give the say-so."

I sighed again, nodding. I wasn't exactly uncomfortable. Rattled, and a little queasy, but that wasn't what he meant. I knew what he meant.

"Thanks." I mumbled sincerely.

"You know I've got your back, shorty." He assured me. "We all do, and that kid knows it too, so you gotta think about how extremely brave he is to even try it." That was true. "Just do me a favor, and don't rush this growing up thing. Please. I don't think my old grandpa heart can take it."

"I think it's a little too late for that." I admitted sadly. He must not have been paying attention.

"No it's not." He replied. "Shorty, have you ever even seen yourself?"

"I get it, I'm small."

"Not that." He laughed a little. "Growing up isn't just about getting older. You still have that look."

"What look?"

"Believe it or not.. Even after all the hell you've been dragged through and all the things you've seen, those eyes of yours are still blind. There's still so much about the world you don't know, and it shows in that look. When you grow up, and find out all there is to know about the world, you won't have that look anymore. All I'm asking is for you to just stay blind for a little bit longer."

I didn't really get it, but I nodded anyway.

With that, I took a breath and crawled back off the couch. This little talk with him had helped, even if I didn't really know what he meant by that last part. I wasn't blind. I could see just fine.

I found my way into the kitchen, and surprisingly, everything seemed normal. Josh wasn't acting any more obnoxious than he usually was. Maybe a glance at me here or there, but nothing I couldn't handle. Even Andrew seemed to be in an okay mood. Maybe I had been overthinking it.

I could tell that Esme was more than thrilled to provide enough food to feed three boys plus me. Zack in particular, but nobody seemed to mind just sitting there for awhile.

"So tomorrow." Josh suddenly said, smiling as he turned to look at me. "You're coming over, right? For my birthday? Dad says I can have a couple of friends spend the night."

I'd completely forgotten that Josh's birthday was two days after mine.

"I think that would be fun." Esme replied for me with a smile.

"All night?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, maybe not all night." Esme replied. "But I don't see why you couldn't go to his party."

"Or you could spend the night tonight, stay for the party tomorrow, and go home after?" Zack suggested. "That way, you're not stuck around like six boys all night. It'll just be us. And maybe Andrew if his dad says it's okay."

That seemed a little more acceptable, and I actually considered it. I knew my family needed a good hunt together after the last few weeks, and that would be the perfect time to do it. If I got too freaked out or anything, I could just go to Andrew's.

I didn't protest to that, looking at Esme instead. She seemed to consider it, and I knew what she was worried about. There were a few things to think about.

"I'll protect her." Zack assured her. "I know Kung-Fu."

"You took one class." Josh scoffed.

"One more than _you_." Zack countered, biting into a piece of bacon pointedly. Truthfully, I craved that normalcy. Maybe spending the night with those two would help me, even after what Josh had just done.

Now that I'd calmed down about it a little, I knew he hadn't done it to bother me or scare me. Doing this would give me a chance to talk to him about it without six pairs of ears involuntarily listening in.

"Alright." Esme finally replied. "I think that would be okay, but ask your mother or father first." Zack immediately grinned. I smiled a little, letting her know that it was okay.

"They'll say yes." Zack nodded confidently. "They love her." It wasn't a secret to them either.

"I'll ask my mom when she gets here later." Josh assured her, and she nodded. I looked over at Andrew, and he seemed to be the only hesitant one. That must have been why Esme hesitated.

"You'll stay too?" I asked him. I wanted to include him, and he was my security blanket.

"Yeah." He agreed. "I just have to ask my dad, but he's been so busy with work lately, he'll say yes."

Andrew was the first to get permission, and Richard seemed more than okay with that arrangement. I knew it had to be lonely to have a single parent that worked all the time, especially during the summer, so I knew Richard knew it too. I hated the idea of Andrew being left out. I felt really protective of him, which probably explained why I didn't jump right into telling him about what Josh had done.

I worried about what would happen when he did inevitably find out. I wasn't sure. I cared about him so much, and told him almost everything, but I didn't know if he would be mad at me for this.

Next, permission was gotten from Heather when she arrived to pick up the boys. Of course she whole-heartedly agreed to both Andrew and I tagging along back to her house. She had gotten the next two days off, but Mark would be there too if she needed to leave for any reason.

"The more, the merrier." She smiled, so I hurried off to my room to pack a small overnight bag.

Before I could leave my room, though, Carlisle wanted to talk to me.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" He asked me quietly. There was something in his expression that I couldn't identify. He seemed worried, but at the same time, hesitant and maybe a tiny bit sad.

"Yeah." I sighed. "I think I'll be okay. Andrew will be there too, and he helps me." He knew that. I hoped that answer made him feel better.

"Just in case, I want you to take this." He held out a cell phone. Much like the one that had been left behind the day of the newborn fight. I hesitated in taking it, looking up at him, not liking the reminder. "I want you to be able to reach us at any time."

I couldn't exactly refuse to take it. I meant a lot to him, so I took it and immediately dropped it into my bag.

"Thank you." He said.

"I hope I don't have to use it." I admitted.

"I hope so too." He sighed. "But don't hesitate."

I nodded in agreement, zipping up my bag. I really didn't think I would, but it was good to have even if I hated the reminder.

I was about to walk out of my room when Alice arrived in the doorway. I suddenly remembered about the talk she wanted to have about what I'd done the night before.

I sighed and turned right back around, leading her further into my room.

"I know." She replied. "It'll only take a minute. I just need to know a few things, but first.." She reached for my bag. Pulling open the zipper, she dropped a rectangular wrapped gift into it.

"Thanks." I said, surprised I'd forgotten.

"He'll love it." She guaranteed, and I nodded.

"All I know is what I told you." I told her, getting on to the next part I knew she wanted to talk about. "It was only a feeling. A really bad one. I kinda matched up that feeling with what could go wrong. I sort of guessed."

"Still." She said. "Leandra, that was amazing."

"I've gotten good at it." I admitted.

"I think it just means your ability is developing faster than I thought it would." She nodded to herself. "What with the dream-"

" _Don't_ bring that up, please." I whimpered, nearly begging. She knew I was still terrified of it, and I still hated thinking about it. Right now more than ever, when I just wanted normal. All I wanted was to get through this without being weird or emotional.

"Sorry." She replied sincerely, hugging me. I returned it. "I'm sorry. I just mean that you're doing really well, considering. I can't wait to see how far you'll go with it."

It was silent for a minute, before she hugged me tighter for a second.

"Incoming." She whispered, but Carlisle was already looking toward the door. I looked over at Josh's hesitant arrival in my doorway.

"Can I talk to you real quick?" Josh asked with a small smile. I thought I'd have more time, but apparently, there was something he wanted to talk about right here. Alice gave me another supportive squeeze before she released me.

Carlisle hesitated a second, and I had to nod at him before he turned and followed Alice out of the room. He wanted to be sure I was okay. I appreciated that.

Josh walked in as they left, purposely leaving the door open. It wasn't like it made a difference with their hearing anyway.

I glanced around nervously as he came to my side.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He murmured, and I looked up at him. "I know I'm saying that a lot, but I guess I don't really think."

"For what?" I asked, though I had a feeling I already knew.

"I'm sorry if what I did this morning bothered you."

"You could tell?" Duh.

"I could tell it rattled you." He answered, smiling. "But I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I just thought.. I don't know. I've never kissed anyone before, but I _really_ wanted to kiss you. I thought it'd be a better idea to do it after you were eleven and while I was still twelve, instead of after I turned thirteen when your brothers would wanna hang me."

I immediately felt better. I heard his honesty in that explanation, and I knew it was something he couldn't fake. He really wasn't trying to freak me out. I hadn't even considered the age thing, but surprisingly, it made a lot of sense when he said it like that.

"You didn't scare me." I replied, sighing out my left over tension. "I think I scared myself. I've never kissed anyone back. That actually changes things a lot." He smiled a little.

"But I won't do it again if you don't want me to."

I stood quietly. I had to think. I had no way to describe it. I didn't know whether what I felt was bad or if it just scared me because it was new and different. I'd never been confused like that before.

"I dunno yet." I finally answered. "I'm still thinking about it." He accepted that.

"Okay. Just let me know." I nodded as well.

"And I don't think my brothers wanna hang you." I added. "They only would if you did it when I told you not to."

"I wouldn't do that." He shook his head. "I don't think it would be the same. I'm not trying to make you hate me. Especially who.." He trailed off, but I knew what he wasn't saying. Especially considering who his uncle was.

"That part was weird at first." I admitted. "But really thinking about it, it'd be stupid to hold it against you."

He actually seemed relieved. "You're such a.. You're a really good person, and.. Well, I kinda like you. I don't ever wanna hurt you, or scare you, or anything."

I appreciated that more than he knew.

"That's probably why my brothers don't wanna hang you." I replied, nudging him a little. "They can tell."

"That's a good thing." He laughed.

"Just.. Don't tell Andrew yet." I muttered hesitantly. I felt like he needed to know.

"Why?" He asked, smiling a little. "Because he'll be jealous?"

"I actually don't know." I admitted. "I just don't wanna tell him yet."

"Okay." He nodded. "Don't worry, okay? Just between us."

I smiled. "Thanks."

I couldn't help turning a little and hugging him. He returned it, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. He was just tall enough for that to be where his arms fell naturally.

I actually didn't mind Josh being my first 'real' or 'returned' kiss. I wasn't scared about it anymore, and realized that I was only scared because of how it made me feel. I'd never felt exactly like that before, and though it was still new, I could calm down and figure it out in my own time. To look at these emotions closer and figure out where they went.

I'd just start with the differences. It was easier that way.

"Come on, guys." Zack called from the living room. "I'm not getting any younger!" We glanced at each other before I laughed a little and pulled back first. I definitely felt better about going. Now that I knew his side of it, and I could calm down.

"Behave." Emmett told me, literally on my way out the door. I gave him a look, and he returned it. Was he serious?

"You first." I countered, and he grinned with a chuckle. I laughed a little as well. "Bye."

"Have fun, shorty."

I eventually had to look down so I didn't fall down the steps. I'd take Andrew out with me if I did trip. That was a funny thought.

I knew my family needed this break as well, and it was the perfect opportunity for them to unwind from the last few days while knowing I was as safe as possible.

I'd be picked up the following day around seven in the evening, but I held onto what Carlisle told me. Not to hesitate to call if I needed anything. I appreciated that, and still agreed to that easily. I still didn't know what exactly happened during their hunts, but I tried not to think about it too much. That was their thing, and I clearly had no business asking or knowing. The farthest I had to go to hunt was the kitchen. I was grateful enough for that to really not ask too many questions about why they couldn't do the same.

I scooted into the back seat of Heather's car with Andrew and Zack, closing the door behind me. I couldn't help looking back at the porch, right to Esme and Carlisle. I knew they were watching me too, so I just smiled a little.

The second we got there, Zack darted out before we were even done moving, much to Heather's annoyance.

"That's how you get run over!" She shouted after him, but he was already inside the house. I wondered what his hurry was, but Andrew and I made our way out of the back seat at a much slower pace.

Heather followed us inside, Josh leading us, just in time to see Zack racing up the stairs with an empty trash bag.

Heather clearly saw, gasping. "Zachary, I told you to clean that room yesterday before we left!" I laughed a little at her scold.

"I'm cleaning it!" Was his call in return.

"My side is clean." Josh shrugged. "I even did my laundry." She patted his head in acknowledgement.

"And if I find one more cup in there, I'm banning cups forever." She called after Zack again.

"You guys share a room?" I asked, curious.

"Dad needs the third bedroom for his office." Josh explained. "Remember? He works from home."

I did vaguely remember being told about that, but I actually couldn't remember a time when I'd seen the boy's room. Whenever we'd hang out here, we stayed in either the living room or outside.

"I'd give him time to clean it, though." Josh laughed, glancing up the stairs. "He's a pig."

I couldn't even figure out how a room would get messy. It was probably one of those 'normal' kid things, but I always put things where they were supposed to go, and I never ate in my room. Maybe that was why I never had chores to do? Because all the 'normal' kid chores were always done before they became a chore without me even noticing.

I suddenly felt proud of that little obsessive trait of mine. I took care of my things and my space. I always had, because I still clearly remembered when I didn't have those things or that space.

I shrugged it off, following Josh toward the living room instead.

"I vote we sleep in the living room tonight." Andrew laughed a little. "The floor really sucks."

"It really does." I had to agree.

"There's an air mattress in the upstairs closet you guys can share if you want." Josh offered. "It's not very big, though."

It was better than nothing.

"Mom." I jumped a little, looking back as Zack quickly descended the stairs, a dusty plastic cup in his hand. "I think there's something living in this one."

"Zack! That's disgusting."

I couldn't help laughing at Heather's exasperated reply. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one.

"That one's been under his dresser for like a month." Josh informed us.

Zack made it into the kitchen with the offending cup while Andrew and I waited with muffled laughter for the reaction. Josh waited too, biting his lip through a grin as he looked toward the kitchen as well.

"Oh my lord, throw that away!" Heather snapped. All three of us lost it.

"Aw, mom, can't I keep it?"

"No." She replied firmly. "Just throw it away. There's no hope for it. It's dead to me." I hadn't laughed this hard in a long time. "Zack, you're eleven years old. How many times do I have to tell you? If you take dishes into your room, just bring them out when you're done."

"I do!"

"Clearly." She countered firmly. "Have you forgotten about the ants? This is how you get ants."

I stopped listening then. I needed to breathe too much, and everything Heather told him just made it funnier.

"I told you." Josh laughed, finally sitting down. "He's a pig."

I eventually got to see the boys room, and truthfully, it wasn't that bad. Just really crowded with two boys living in it. Opposite sides of the room were occupied and decorated differently, but against the middle of the far wall sat a bunk bed. Twin bed on top, full bed on the bottom. I'd never seen a room like it before. It was pretty neat.

From there, we moved to the backyard.

We spent most of the afternoon out in the backyard. Killing time by rough-housing or just enjoying the quiet summer day. Zack jumped from the trampoline into the inflatable pool on a dare, but other than that, we stayed out of trouble.

It was exactly the afternoon I'd been craving.

We stayed out there until it was time for dinner. The look on Heather's face as Zack squished his way in through the back door was priceless. She didn't look surprised, but she was irritated. That told me he'd done this before.

"I swear." She sighed as I came to stand next to her, watching after him as he headed toward the stairs to get changed. "It's like he never outgrew that toddler stage."

"That's what makes him so fun." I replied with a laugh. "When serious is too serious, he breaks it up." She couldn't stay irritated that long, laughing a little as well and pulling me into her side.

"Do you need any help?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Sure." She smiled. "You can help me set the table." I nodded immediately. She'd seemed pretty busy all day, and I didn't mind helping her out.

I'd actually forgotten that Mark was here until he jogged down the stairs with the boys. He greeted Heather with a smile and a light kiss, which she seemed only too happy to return.

He looked at me next.

"Oh, and there's a fourth." He laughed. "I thought the sleepover was tomorrow."

"It is." Josh replied, finding a chair at the table. "But Leandra's mom didn't want her spending the night with a bunch of boys."

"Because this is so different." Mark nodded in agreement, handing out the cups. "Four guys here, versus two girls."

"I mean more than us." Josh clarified. "Ones she doesn't know."

"Ah."

"But this way, she's not missing out on time with me." Josh grinned, and Mark laughed.

"Let's tone it down a little, Mr. Cocky." Mark replied. "Well, I don't have a problem with it. I like her, and I'm about to take you both back to the store where we got ya."

"No refunds, dear." Heather pointed out as she placed a bowl of salad on the table.

"Darn." Mark chuckled. "Well, let's just hope nobody gets eaten by the mess your room." I laughed at the image.

"I cleaned it." Zack whined defensively.

"Did you clean it, or did you just move it all to the closet?" He asked in return. Zack's lack of reply told on him. "You need to quit giving your mama a hard time. Got it? When she tells you to do something, you do it."

"Yeah, yeah." Zack grumbled, sitting down as well. I chose the seat between Heather and Andrew. Across from Josh where he sat between Zack and Mark. The table was a little crowded, but not unpleasantly so.

It was interesting, and certainly an experience. Heather had said once that if she'd known about me sooner than she did, she would have taken me in herself. Though it was weird thinking about, I tried to imagine what that would have been like.

We spent some time after dinner watching movies while Mark and Heather cleaned up the kitchen, but like clockwork, night started to fall. The movies weren't enough to keep that away.

Andrew must have been able to tell. The nervous way my knee bounced probably tipped him off, because he reached over and held my hand. I held onto his in return, forcing a small smile.

As it turned out, the air mattress had a massive hole in it, and considering we'd waited until the last second to blow it up, we had to figure something else out.

Zack volunteered to sleep on the floor, giving his twin bed to us, but considering I was used to a queen, there was no way I could share such a small space. Josh had the full sized bed on the bottom bunk, but wasn't really that willing to give it up. I was welcome to share it with him, but he wouldn't take Zack's bed.

Andrew was clearly exhausted. He wasn't used to my amount of sleeplessness, and I didn't want him to feel bad for wanting to take the bed, so I agreed to share Josh's.

So, last minute, Andrew took Zack's bed, I was stuck against the wall behind Josh, and Zack was on the floor. It wasn't that I didn't trust Josh, but it was really hard to fall asleep. For many reasons.

Josh fell asleep right away. I could tell by his breathing, so it wasn't that he was preoccupied, but the sound of someone sleeping behind me made me tense. Our backs were touching in the smaller space, so I was sure that one wrong move would wake him up.

Another reason it was very hard to fall asleep, was because it was nearly pitch dark in the room. Zack and Josh didn't have the aversion to the dark that I had, and I cringed at the humiliation of admitting my paralyzing fear, so I chose not to.

I wasn't sure how long I stayed awake before I finally gave up. I crawled out of bed as carefully as I could, my breathing tight in my attempt to keep it quiet as I stepped around Zack on the floor.

I recalled that the door had a small squeak to it when it opened, so I opened it swiftly, and closed it silently behind me as I made it to the hallway. I was surprised I'd made it out without waking all three of them up.

I was pretty stealthy.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do while I waited up the rest of the night, but I started with heading downstairs for some water.

To my surprise, though, Heather was already sitting at the kitchen table. Probably hearing my descent down the stairs, she was aware of my approach.

"Hi, honey." She smiled a little as I entered the dimly lit kitchen. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep." I admitted, despite how I knew she could see how tired I was. "What about you? Aren't you tired?"

"Oh, getting there." She replied easily. "I don't sleep a lot. Would you like some tea?"

Tea actually sounded pretty good. Maybe it would warm me up.

"Yes, please." I answered, and she smiled. Standing up and reaching for the kettle on the stove. I watched her move, and even as I sat there in silence, I could sense a talk coming.

I had yet to talk to her about what happened that day. I wasn't sure if I wanted to drag out the wait, or just jump right into it. I had a feeling she wasn't sure either.

"So what's bothering you, sweetie?" She asked first, sitting back down and waiting for the water in the kettle to heat up.

"Nothing's really wrong." I shrugged.

"But nothing's really right, either." She guessed, and I nodded. I didn't like admitting that, afraid she'd feel bad. "I know that feeling quite well."

We sat together in silence for several minutes. I was never very talkative when I was like this, but I could feel her studying me.

"Are you gonna ask?" I finally mumbled.

"Do you want me to?" She asked in return, and I knew she knew what I meant.

"No matter how I think about it, nothing makes sense." I answered. "I told Josh he was there. He wouldn't quit asking about why I hate my bed, and I got mad, so I just told him that it was the last place I saw Jack."

She nodded.

"He can be persistent." She sighed, standing back up. She grabbed the kettle carefully, turning off the fire on the stove.

"Any details I should know about in case he asks?" She asked.

"I told him Jack was there the day before he died." I clarified. "But Emmett just chased him off." She nodded. "But what about you? Are you okay? With what happened?"

"It's complicated." She sighed. She placed a small glass bowl of sugar in front of me, along with a tea bag. I'd watched Esme make me some tea before, so I knew what to do.

"Jack was my brother." She went on in my silence, setting a cup of hot water in front of me. "We were raised together, in very much the same way." That stuck out to me.

"The same way?" I asked hesitantly.

She sat back down, searching for the right words.

"I know about all there is to know about the things he's done." She explained. "Basics, of course, but.. I also read your file. I imagine my own would have looked a lot like yours had I been brave enough to come forward. Jack wasn't an exception. Yeah, there were some differences in technique, but our father wasn't that picky. He taught Jack everything he knew through experience."

I looked down at the tea bag in my hands. That was a lot to consider.

"Not many people would ever care to know that." She went on quietly. "They just assume he was a monster, and he was, but he used to be just a normal person. I can't explain what that's like, watching someone you used to be so close to turn into someone you can't stand. To see, first hand, exactly what he's capable of."

That was what happened that day. She finally saw first hand the way he treated me, and knowing it'd always been like that only added to it.

"Jack had enough reasons in the world to be so filled with hate, but no amount of reasons would ever excuse what he did." I'd also heard that part before.

"He couldn't stop hating." I mumbled, understanding a little better now.

"No he couldn't." She replied. "But underneath all that hate was someone in.. Unreal amounts of pain."

"I know." I admitted. "I feel it too."

"I know you do." She reached over, smoothing my cheek gently. "But it's not a life sentence, sweetie. A lot of those wounds have closed, trapping that pain inside, but I know with enough patience, we can help you tend to those wounds again. The proper way. There is a lot of pain in you, but there is also a lot of promise."

"There is?" I asked, doubtful.

"Yes." She replied easily, her sincerity clear in her blue eyes. "You were born to do so many great things. It's not our past that defines us. It's our heart, and you've got one I've never seen anywhere else."

I wished so badly I could believe that.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked quietly. "I wanna know more about how you know me." She smiled, and I continued with opening that tea bag.

"I first met you one fall day." She explained quietly. "About mid-November. I was a pretty regular visitor to that park, because I loved how peaceful it was and Josh just loved it. With a six month old baby, it was nice to let Josh run off his energy and have a nice place to let Zack move around. Your dad showed up at the park one day, looking pretty overwhelmed, so naturally, I got to talking to him. I learned you were just over four months old, so we put you and Zack together. He dropped his teething toy, and you picked it up. Instant friends."

I smiled.

"We'd spend hours just talking and watching you." She smiled. "He was a very good friend of mine for awhile. I saw you at least once a week for over a year. The day your mom was the one to bring you, I knew something was wrong. Chris had expressed some.. Problems between them, but I wouldn't butt in."

Her small smile faded, and mine did too.

"I started to see you less often, and it wasn't hard to figure out why. That's why I knew it was the worst possible time for your mom to meet Jack. He smelled weakness and naivety from a mile away. Of course, I didn't know his intentions, but I still felt the need to warn Gina about what she was getting herself into. I couldn't just sit back and watch your life fall apart.

"When I heard about the divorce, I knew it was too late." She continued. "Jack had never been the kind to express a want for kids, so I assumed you had been taken by your dad."

I knew that part.

"I lost contact with Chris, and Jack had never bothered to fill me in on what happened. He had a new wife now. That was as far as I knew. Your name is so unique, it stuck out to me on your chart that day in the hospital, and I couldn't believe it, even with the all-too-familiar last name. Wallace. I needed to see for myself, though, but there was no mistaking. Even with how much you'd grown since I'd last seen you, I recognized you instantly, and that.. I suppose you could call it protective instinct just came right back."

She was quiet for a bit, but I still waited.

"I wasn't going to intrude." She went on eventually. "I got the news that Jack was in prison, and then you showed up at the hospital here in town as a transfer from Seattle, I put two-and-two together.

"Oh, it made me so angry to find out he'd had you for so long. That man had no business taking care of a child. Much less that beautiful baby girl I knew from the park. So when I saw you'd come over with Andrew, I couldn't help myself. I had to talk to you."

I had a question I wasn't sure how to ask.

"How are you so different?" I asked anyway. "If you and Jack were raised the same way, how are you different than him?"

She didn't seem at all offended by my question. Instead, she smiled a little.

"I saw my life for what it was." She explained gently. "From the time I was young, I suppose you could say I saw things in a different way. I knew the way things were wasn't all there was. There for awhile, Jack had that same view, but.. He lost sight of it, and it changed him."

I was quiet, looking down at my cup. I couldn't really explain how I felt. I'd spent my time wondering why. I'd spent my time hating him for what he did, but now there was a sadness in there that I wasn't prepared for. I was sad for Josh the day before, but this was different.

From what I remembered of her story, something broke him when he was around my age. Something he saw or went through was what made him lose sight of the view Heather still held onto. Now I understood a little better exactly what that must have been like.

"Lord knows it isn't much." She said. "I might not have a lot in my life, but it's way more than I ever could have dreamed of. I've worked unbelievably hard to get where I am."

"How did you do it?" I asked hesitantly. "How did you get away from it?"

"I was determined." She replied. "I've had my rock-bottom moments, but I refused to believe my father. His best efforts weren't enough. Not on me. So I set goals, and focused on those."

"What kind of goals?"

"My first goal was to get out." She nodded. "So I ran to Seattle the second I could legally get a job and support myself. I didn't ever want to see my father's face again, so I made sure I never had to. The second goal I set was getting an education I could do something with. I'd faced so much pain in my life. The only thing I wanted was to help people through some of the worst, most painful days of their lives.

"Between goals one and two, I met Mark." She went on. "I worked my entire way through school, raising a baby in a studio apartment. Both Josh and Zack were a surprise, but never once have I ever regretted having them. My boys may be a handful, but they remind me every day to be grateful for how far I've come."

I was quiet for a second, trying to imagine that.

"But how?" I asked again. "How can I ever be like you? You remember the dark."

"The dark is part of you, baby." She said. "I still have my own, but I embrace it. Don't let what's in it scare you. Let it teach you. Let it make you strong. Prove it wrong. I know you've got what it takes to overcome everything you've been through. You are unbelievably loved. Realizing that is the hardest part, but with all you've been given, I know you'll do some amazing things as you grow up. I'm so proud of you."

I couldn't help smiling a little. I admired her so much for all she'd done, but she was proud of me. Maybe there was some part of me I couldn't see from my perspective. Maybe I didn't really understand yet just how far I'd come, but Heather sure seemed to. Given how often I'd been told that already, just from my family, I was okay with believing her.

"You're the only one I can talk to about it." I admitted.

"I understand that." She nodded. "That feeling of isolation is one I can't shake either, but I'm working on it. When I find the answer, I'll be sure to let you know."

"Maybe we can help each other." I suggested quietly.

"You know, I bet we can." She smiled.

Talking with Heather settled a part of me that had been unsettled for awhile. We sat while I finished my tea, just talking. There was an unspoken sort of connection there that I hadn't found anywhere else, and I sincerely hoped it meant I was more like her than Jack.

She had a lot of painful memories of her own, but I could see that telling me about it had helped. I couldn't imagine how lonely those memories were, when she never trusted anyone to listen like I listened, but she also knew I was genuinely interested in her story. Jack's story. I just wanted so badly to understand, to search her memories of their childhood, and find those answers I needed.

Heather was a very warm, genuine person and even I could tell. Maybe one day I could warm up, and stop feeling so cold inside.

 **A/N: So much happened in this chapter lol I'll let you guys tell me what your favorite was. It's not that often that she has good chapters.**

 **THANK YOU! SO SO SO much to my reviewers! Reading your thoughts pushes me through the next chapter. This is such a complicated story, and the fact that I have you guys to keep me on track really helps me stay focused and grow as an author. So thank you.**

 **Chapter four may be a problem for me, so please bear with me. I've been doing the best I can with the wait time between chapters, but with the end of the year coming so fast, there are a lot of things I need to do as well as this, but it'll come. :) I promise.**

 **Until Four, my amazing friends!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

I went back upstairs after too long of sitting up and talking to Heather.

I crawled back onto the bed behind Josh. I knew by his breathing that I'd accidentally woken him up on my return. I thought he'd ignore it, but about a minute after I laid down, he spoke.

"Hey." He whispered, and I looked over at him in the dark. "Aren't you cold?" A little, but I felt weird sharing his blanket. At my lack of response, he fought the blanket out from under me. "Here."

I sighed, but scooted under it. I wasn't sure why it bugged me. I'd shared a blanket with Andrew before. Maybe I just trusted him in a different way.

Josh plopped the blanket over me, and I curled up on my side. I knew he noticed, as he stayed propped up until after I was settled into place and I felt him watching me.

I waited until I felt him lay back down before I sighed, and he rolled back onto his side, facing away from me.

I nervously let my eyes close. I hated the dark so much. It was just enough to bring out my insecurities and really showed my lack of trust. I hated that people saw it.

But at least I _was_ warming up.

I forced my thoughts to move in the direction of falling asleep. That usually didn't work, but tonight, it seemed to.

Unfortunately for me, I dreamed. I dreamed about a time so long ago now, it felt like forever. A whole different life, but I still had those emotions buried in me. The overwhelming sadness I refused to face.

I couldn't remember exactly how old I was in this dream, but I knew I was really young. I was so much younger than I was now, but I still heard my quiet cries that night as I sat kneeled beside the couch in the living room, holding my mom's hand as she laid there passed out. The smell of alcohol very prominent, like perfume.

How I sat awake in the dark. How I hated the dark even back then, even before Jack had really given me a reason to. Feeling the soft tickling against my cheeks as tears would scatter down them, and how my heart hurt as I attempted to keep my cries quiet. I didn't want to wake _him_. The monster sleeping in just the next room.

How hard I had cried for just one person to tell me that I wasn't worthless. I wasn't unlovable, or stupid. How I cried for one kind word, one supportive hug. Someone to help me. Someone to take and hold my hand the way that Carlisle had done.

This was a memory I thought I'd forgotten. One I thought I'd stored away for good of little me, alone and scared. _So_ scared, and _so_ sad. Impossibly alone against something so much bigger than I was, but at the time, I had no idea how much worse it would get. Now I knew.

I was back there, watching someone I loved destroying themselves so completely, and though it wasn't a scary nightmare, it still hurt. It was a reminder of the fragile part of me, which was bigger than I used to think.

Even while I slept, I felt the sudden sharp, stabbing pain in my head. Even in the middle of seeing that memory, my head hurt so unbelievably bad. I'd never felt this kind of pain before, but right at the moment I would have woken up, my dream suddenly changed.

Suddenly, I wasn't looking at a memory anymore. I was at home. I was in my room at home, and Carlisle was sitting with me. It took me a second to see, because of the tears. I was so blinded by tears that it was taking me too long to recognize anything.

The pain was so bad, the tears just kept coming but physically, I was fine. It didn't make any sense to me, but even while I slept, even through the pain in my head, that pain in my heart overshadowed everything. That shock and that disbelief. The fear, and _God_ , the confusion..

Before I could make any more sense of it than that, I was suddenly awake. I wasn't home. I was in Josh's bed, and it was the middle of the night. What the hell had that been?

I was so suddenly overwhelmingly homesick, I wished that cell phone was closer.

I had to think though. Carlisle had said not to hesitate. All I needed was to talk to someone, but I really didn't want to wake anybody up by getting up again. I didn't want to wake anyone up, but I was told not to hesitate. So I didn't.

I carefully crawled out of bed again, my breathing tight and trembling lightly with the pain I was still in. My head still hurt, but it was more of a memory of the pain.

I found my bag in the pitch darkness by feeling along the side of the dresser. I pulled out the phone and left the room again as silently as I had the first time. I wasn't sure where to go to talk, though. I didn't trust the bathroom to keep my voice quiet, so I descended the stairs again. This time, the kitchen was vacant.

I sat at the kitchen table, covering my tearing eyes as I called the first person I thought of.

Carlisle answered on the second ring.

"Leandra?" He was concerned. My heartbreak answered for me.

"Jack was abused too." I cried quietly. "Just like he did to me."

Carlisle was quiet for a second before he replied.

"I know."

"He never got away from it. Even when he grew up."

"I know."

"I'm so scared." I had no idea how I was making any sense. "Why does it still hurt so bad? What if that never goes away? I just want it to go away."

"It will never go away." Carlisle replied gently, and I sobbed. "But you will overcome it."

"How?" I whimpered, my voice shaking.

"That's our job." He said. "Times like now, when you feel like it's too overwhelming, just like this, all you have to do is reach out. Never stop reaching out, Leandra. Especially when it seems impossible to do." I knew what he meant. The second I stopped reaching out and drew in instead, like I used to do, it was time to worry.

He spoke again.

"What was the dream about?"

I stifled a sob. The dream.

"I was so little." I replied without pausing to think about it. "I was so lonely, but I was so scared. I remembered how I used to sit up at night, watch my mom, and cry. I still remember what that was like. I still feel like that. Like that part of me doesn't know that I don't have to anymore."

"We'll get there." He said confidently. "It takes time, Leandra, and things like this will come up all the time, but it's okay. They need to. Expecting nothing but constant progress puts far too much pressure on you. It's not fair, and I understand how distressing it is, but everything you feel is perfectly natural. Even when it feels like you're not going anywhere, I assure you, you've already come so far."

I took a few seconds to cry. I couldn't reply if I wanted to, but I knew he was right.

"You'll get through this." He added gently. "I know the things you live with are so hard to accept, but as I said before. Our job is to help you do that, and we're happy to. That's why it's so important for you to know not to hesitate to call in this situation. During times like this, it's so important to focus on the fact that you do have support _any_ time you need it. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't share something with us, or feel like you have to hide anything."

I held a deep breath.

"Okay." I eventually murmured. Truthfully, I was so happy to hear everything he was saying. It meant he understood right where I was emotionally. Just knowing that really did make me feel less alone. That was all I needed.

But there was more. More I knew I needed to tell him. My sobs restarted.

"I'm so scared." I sobbed as quietly as I could. "Something's gonna go wrong." He was quiet.

"What makes you say that, Leandra?"

"I don't know." I replied in a whisper. "I don't know, but I _know_."

"Did you see something?" He asked firmly.

"I-I.." I whimpered. I fell quiet as I thought about it. I really didn't know. I couldn't tell. All I could remember was the feeling of it, and it broke my heart all over again.

"It could just be the nervousness about the party tomorrow." He said. "But just in case, we'll be there. I'm sending Jasper and Alice to stand watch outside that house tonight and tomorrow."

As badly as I wanted to tell him not to, and as badly as I wanted to stay tough, I just took a breath.

"Okay."

"You'll be safe." He added. "They're coming. They'll be there in just a few minutes." I sniffled again, trying to force myself to calm down. His calm once again helped me. "Tomorrow, depending on how you feel, we can pick you up earlier. It's up to you. Just say the word."

"Okay." I said again, calmer now. His calm made it possible for me to calm down. I couldn't tell him how much it helped me. Just by listening, and believing me. Even when I couldn't exactly explain it.

I felt the second Jasper showed up. My pain eased. My headache stayed, but the lack of emotion made it hurt just a little less. I was able to breathe again.

"Carlisle?" I mumbled.

"Yes, Leandra?"

"Can you.." I hesitated. "Can you check on my mom, too?"

He was quiet. "It's late where she is. I'll call her in the morning-"

"No." I said. "Now. Please. _Please_."

"Alright." He agreed, and I nodded.

Even that, though, didn't make sleeping seem any more appealing. Once I'd hung up the call, I retrieved a glass in the cupboard and filled it with some water before sitting back down at the table. I knew I'd have to go back upstairs eventually, but for right then, I just wanted to sit there.

I hadn't been sitting there long, though, before I was joined. Yet again.

"Leandra?" I jumped a little, looking over at Mark's voice coming from the kitchen doorway. I hadn't heard him come downstairs. "Is something wrong?"

"Can't sleep." I mumbled, and he smiled a little.

"Well, you shouldn't have to sit here all alone." He replied. "Mind if I sit here with you?"

I wasn't sure if I minded or not. I'd never been alone with Mark before. I liked him just fine when we were surrounded by people, but I'd never had to make conversation with him before. Certainly never in a dimly lit kitchen in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep upstairs.

Certainly never after waking up with a feeling like I'd woken up with. Something was going to go wrong. Was Mark that something? I didn't know if that was a possibility or not.

"I don't mind." I shook my head a little. "Sorry I woke you up."

I knew full well that it was stupid, but that didn't stop my instincts from realizing the very real threat settling himself across the table. I looked down at the table, and the cell phone sitting there. I'd keep it close. It helped that I knew Jasper and Alice were right outside, and probably listening to every word exchanged in here, but there wasn't much they could do from out there if they needed to.

I needed to stop preparing for the worst.

"Nah." Mark waved it off. "You didn't. I was already awake." I doubted that. "So tell me. Why no sleep?"

"New place, I think." I sighed. "Or new bed."

"I see." He nodded. "Yeah, I'm the same way, but you know what this calls for?"

"What?" I asked almost hesitant.

"Hot chocolate." He replied, standing up. "You want some?" I'd just had some tea, and honestly, I wasn't sure my nervous stomach could handle anything besides water right then.

"No thanks."

"Well, I'll make enough for you too, just in case you change your mind." He said, and I nodded.

He got started on making it while I sat there watching him. I really hated the way I was sometimes. I didn't want to be afraid of every man I came across. There were a lot of men in the world, but even knowing that, my instincts vehemently disagreed. Until proven otherwise, they were all bad. I'd been hurt by them too badly to ignore that instinct yet. Especially after a dream like that, where I'd been sitting in my room just crying and especially not knowing why. It could have just been a dream, but it didn't feel that way.

It was quiet for a minute or two, until he spoke again.

"I used to make this for the boys all the time." He finally ended the silence, looking back at me from the stove. "When they were younger. Not so much recently, as they almost never get up in the middle of the night anymore, but that was our time. I used to love being kicked out of bed to take care of them."

I smiled a little, picturing that. That was pretty okay.

"So really." He added. "You're doing me a favor here."

"I'm glad." I replied. "You seem like you're pretty good at this dad thing."

"Oh, I'm the best." He laughed, looking back at me. "You kidding? I should have like.. A hundred medals lining the walls." I smiled. "But the thing they don't tell you when you sign up for this whole daddy thing, is how much you miss it when they get old enough to not need you anymore. It's not just the mamas that have a hard time with that, you know."

"They'll always need you." I told him. "You're their dad. Do you know how important that is?" He smiled in response, looking back down at what he was doing.

"I wouldn't mind it, though." He spoke again. "Doing the whole baby thing again. At least one more time before I'm too old to chase them around."

"Might wanna talk to Heather about that, then." I mumbled, and he gave a real chuckle. "I don't think she'd like it if you chose for her."

"No?" He asked. "Well, dang. I guess the one I have on lay-away is a bad idea?"

"A little." I laughed again. I had to admit, he was pretty funny. I spoke again. "But I know where babies come from."

He glanced back. "You do?" He shook his head. "I guess it's not much of a surprise. You are about that age to start figuring stuff out."

"I've always known it." I shrugged a little, which was true. I'd known that for quite a few years already. I knew that before I even knew anything about myself, and the recent experience I'd had just solved a little bit of the mystery.

"How long is always?" He prompted with a small laugh. He obviously doubted.

"Couple years." I replied quietly. He looked back again, but I looked down.

"Well, that settles that then, huh?" He studied me. "Can I ask you something? I've been curious for awhile."

"Sure." I mumbled.

"That day in Seattle.." He started, and my heart dropped. "It wasn't car sickness, was it?"

I debated, but my tired mind was sluggish. I didn't have it in me to lie.

"No." I admitted.

"Honey, I'm not blind." He explained in the following silence. "I've seen car sickness. Everyone's different, but I know that wasn't it. I'll admit there's a lot I don't know about you, but lately, I've been discovering a lot about people I never thought I would. I saw that change in you the second you saw Jack. That wasn't the first time you'd met him, was it?"

I didn't reply. Instead, I focused on the table. Letting my silence protect me.

He went on with a sigh. "I now know some things about Jack that I didn't before, so that reaction of yours.. It would only make sense if you had known him before."

"I knew him before." I finally confirmed quietly. "He was married to my mom." I suddenly hated that word. 'Stepdad' was something I refused to say anymore. It made me cringe, but what I said instead bothered me just as bad. I wasn't sure why.

"I've had many, many long talks with that man." He replied. "Many, many long talks over many, many years, but he'd never once mentioned anything about you. It's downright creepy the way he hid you away from all of us.

"He didn't want anyone to know about me." I explained, keeping my eyes down. "Especially his family."

"Well, Heather seems pretty attached to you, so I guess he failed there."

"I didn't know who they were when I met Josh and Zack." I replied, feeling a little better. He actually wasn't that hard to talk to. "That's why I freaked out so bad when I found out who Heather's brother was."

"That was freaking out?" He asked. "Darling, you barely said a word."

"I know." I mumbled. I must have been better at hiding it than I thought.

"So you were stuck next to Jack the entire way back here, when you two had a bad history?" He asked. I watched him turn off the fire on the stove. He must have been done. "God, I can't even imagine that. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't know."

"Still." He said with a sigh. He reached for two cups. "Change your mind?"

"Sure." I relented. Maybe it would make me sleep.

"I'm not going to ask what kind of history you had with him." He went on. "That's not my place, but from what Heather has told me about him, I don't think I have to."

He handed me a cup and sat down with his own.

"Be careful." He said. "It's pretty hot." I nodded. I sat quietly, really thinking. I could just tell. Mark wasn't the one behind that dream. That realization comforted me. I'd just carefully studied every little tone of every word during that talk. Nothing stood out to me or raised a field of red flags.

"Well, I'm sorry you can't sleep." He ended the silence again. "Bummer."

"I'm like this at home, too." I admitted. "It's nothing anybody's doing here."

"Anxiety?" He asked, and I shrugged. I didn't know. "Anxiety keeps your brain from shutting off." That sounded familiar. "It wouldn't surprise me."

"Mark?" Heather had come downstairs, saving me from having to reply. "What are you two doing?"

"We're just making some hot chocolate." Mark answered, giving her a smile. "Well, I made. She's keeping me company. Would you like some? There's plenty."

"Sure." She agreed. "Thank you." He stood, returning to the cupboard. She smiled at me, finding the seat next to me. "Still can't sleep?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, honey."

"I didn't mean to wake anybody up." I muttered.

"You didn't." Heather replied. "I just wondered where he'd run off to. I should have known it was only to make hot chocolate at almost three in the morning when he should be sleeping." I laughed a little at his innocent grin her way.

The conversation was lighter from there. I listened to their light bickering, knowing neither one felt the need to actually argue. Statements and responses tossed back and forth across the table like a verbal game of catch. It entertained me to watch.

About the fifth yawn in a row, though, Heather really started insisting that I get my butt back to bed. Even willing to walk me back upstairs herself. I felt bad, but I probably would have felt even worse had I refused. I thanked Mark for the hot chocolate, and he thanked me for the company. Thankfully, not bringing up the conversation we'd been having again.

It was different with Heather, but she reminded me a lot of Esme. Natural at what she does. How easy it came to her to just care about someone. The feeling of comfort she gave without even trying. She was what I'd always imagined a mom would be like.

It made me wonder. I'd asked these questions before, but it still confused me. How could Heather turn out so different than the rest of her family? With all she had to look up to were parents like hers, and Jack, how the hell did she learn how to step away from all that? How did she get off that path laid for her?

If I could just figure out how she did that, maybe I could too. I knew full well that my years spent with Jack had left their mark on me, and if I didn't figure out how to follow in Heather's footsteps, instead of Jack's, I'd probably turn out just like him. That scared me to realize that I could go either way.

I just had to believe that my family would never let me turn into someone like that. I loved them enough to care about what they thought. Maybe just how much they meant to me would be enough to keep me from straying too far Jack's direction.

Heather stood in the doorway, providing hallway light for me to see by as I tip-toed through the room. Around Zack to make it to the bed. I crawled back into bed as silently as I'd left it.

I made sure to scoot under the blanket first this time, just so Josh didn't have to wake all the way up to do so. My heart still hurt, and my throat still swelled with emotion I was holding back, but it felt a little easier to tend to.

"Good night, sweetheart." Heather whispered in the doorway once I was settled.

"Night." I whispered back, and she slowly shut the door.

Focusing on my breathing, it was almost easy to fall back to sleep.

I jumped awake only a few hours later to Josh rolling over onto his back. His shoulder pressed into my back, and I was instantly awake, but it took my mind a second to remember where I was. By the time it did, I'd already started panicking.

I rolled onto my back as well and sat up sharply. Taking a lot of the blanket with me as I fought to catch my breath. The frame of the bottom bunk squeaked with the quick shifting of my weight, but I was more focused on getting my breathing back under control.

"You okay?" Josh whispered, pushing himself to sit up beside me. His voice was still heavy with sleep, so I felt bad for waking him up again.

I couldn't answer yet.

"Breathe." He saw anyway, rubbing my back. I nodded, letting him know I was working on it. While I focused on calming down, he focused on waking up. I hated this feeling, but I knew I caught it in time to keep it from getting bad. Thankfully.

"Sorry." I whispered when I could.

"No, don't be." He replied easily. "You're fine. I'm just glad I could be the one to help, instead of Andrew for once." He threw a little laugh in there, so I knew he wasn't upset.

"You shouldn't have to." I replied, laying back down. Now that I could breathe again, I could focus on waking up.

"Don't be too hard on yourself." He laid back down as well and stretched. "It's not your fault what happens when your brain shuts off." He sighed and rolled onto his side to face me. "It's not like you choose to react like that. Nobody would."

I forced a small smile.

"Nobody would." I confirmed. "It sucks so bad." Even though it had been really mild compared to other reactions I'd had to waking up suddenly. "It's usually worse."

"It is?" He asked sadly.

"I hit Emmett once." I looked over at him, and he laughed.

"If I had a dollar for every time I hit my brother, I could buy a car."

"Same." Zack muttered, half asleep on the floor. "My car would be better."

"It's different when you're still asleep." I admitted. "I didn't mean to do it."

"He knows that, Leandra." Andrew's voice came from the top bunk. It was confirmed. I'd woken everybody up. At least I didn't have to whisper anymore.

"So what woke you up?" Josh asked.

"Which time?" I asked, looking over at him.

"This time."

"You bumped my back." I replied apologetically.

"That's it?" He asked, surprised.

"She's really sensitive to that." Andrew confirmed for me, a stretch in his voice. "She doesn't like being touched."

"It's different when I'm awake." I explained. "But asleep, I can't tell myself that it's okay."

Josh nodded, clearly noting that. I could understand why. If this continued to go as well as it was going, I could easily see myself spending the night here more often. It surprised me to find I'd taken such an instant liking to Mark. Heather obviously liked him, and now I could kind of see why.

It was quiet for a minute, while I thought. I wondered if Alice and Jasper were still hiding outside somewhere. I doubted they would leave me while I slept. I felt bad for ruining their hunt, but it comforted me that I knew they were there.

"It's your birthday." Zack mumbled into his pillow. "You get the first shower."

Josh looked over at me.

"Ladies first?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"I don't wanna take my clothes off yet. I'm cold." I admitted, and he nodded, prying himself out of bed while I drew the covers in on me a little tighter. I knew I'd eventually have to. I hated going days between showers.

I wound up going third, after the hot water returned from Zack's shower. I didn't take my time, though, knowing Andrew still needed his. It was weird being in line for something like taking a shower. At home, I could just take a shower whenever I wanted to.

My hair was still damp, so I left it down when I descended the stairs to the amazing smell of breakfast. Heather must have been awake.

I was surprised, actually, to see that it was Mark making breakfast. He smiled at my arrival from his place at the stove. It was a little weird seeing an adult still in pajamas, even after last night. It was just something I never saw.

"Pancakes are over there, sweetie." He pointed to the counter with a spatula. "Grab as many as you want, and there's more bacon on its way." I nodded.

"Thank you." I replied, reaching for a plate. I was surprised at how hungry I was.

I sat in the open seat to Josh's left. He was already well into his pancake stack, and I started to see why the first shower was a good thing. He got to eat first.

"Feel better?" He asked as I sat down, scooting the jug of orange juice toward me.

"Yeah." I replied honestly. I took a cup from the stack on the table, taking his hint and pouring some juice. I did feel a little better, but I also still remembered the feeling that dream gave me. It made me feel cold. I wasn't sure how cold could be an emotion, but it was.

Andrew wasn't long either, but when Heather came downstairs last, breakfast was already almost over. I smiled a little as Mark handed her an already-made but warm plate and kissed her forehead. He was so kind to her, I couldn't help but smile. I liked seeing that.

"What?" Josh asked with a small laugh.

"Nothing." I laughed as well. I couldn't believe I was ever afraid of Mark.

"Good morning." Heather greeted us with a smile as she sat down.

"Guess what day it is." Josh grinned over at her.

"Hmm.. Sunday?" She guessed, and he gave her a look. "Like I'm going to forget your birthday, Joshua. I was there."

"So was I." He replied easily. "When do I get my presents?"

I nudged him, giving him a look. "That's rude."

He laughed.

"Okay, okay. When do I get my presents _please_."

"Never, if you keep up that attitude, young man." Mark corrected, and we laughed. I knew Josh was just joking. He wouldn't talk to his mom like that.

"Later." Heather answered. "Let your friends get here first."

Oh right. The party.

"How many people are gonna be here?" I asked nervously.

"Not counting us, like seven or eight." Josh answered.

" _People_?" I couldn't help being surprised.

"No. Goats." Zack replied with a little sarcastic smile.

"Don't worry, honey." Heather laughed. "If it gets too stressful, just come find me. I'll keep you company, and I'll be keeping an eye on you. I won't let anything go wrong, even if it wanted to." I liked her a lot more suddenly. I nodded easily, already planning my escape.

"And I'll be here too." Andrew assured me. "Plus I've met some of these guys too. They're okay."

"Are any of them people I've pissed off?" I had to ask. Josh hummed in thought.

Not that long ago, I had most of the town hating me. That many people greatly increased my chances of finding someone who had revenge on the mind for what I did to a few other girls at school. What if this was what went wrong?

"No, I don't think so." Josh finally replied. "If any of them start trouble, though, just tell me."

"Or me." Zack added.

"Or me." Andrew smiled. I smiled as well, unable to help it.

It was weird knowing I was the only girl attending this party. I wasn't sure why. It never bothered me before. They were just boys.

Though I really wanted to be here for Josh, I couldn't help eagerly anticipating the moment someone would show up to take me home.

The first of the guests to arrive were three boys from up the street. Around noon, the doorbell rang, and Josh jumped up to get it. He led those boys in, and I forced a small smile in greeting.

I met a whole bunch of new people in such a short amount of time, I couldn't remember more than a few names. It didn't take long for the "party" to be moved out front. It didn't feel much like a party, but a gathering of friends with a lot of food and really loud music.

I went outside with them, just for some fresh air and to look for any hints that we were still being watched.

Up the street, parked against the curb really inconspicuously, was a very familiar black car. It blended in so well, nobody would even know to look for it. I was comforted instantly, knowing I was still being taken seriously.

So I sat with Andrew on the top porch step, watching the huge group of boys attempt a game of football or something, but really using it as an excuse to try to hurt each other. I'd sit out of that.

"You okay?" Andrew asked, and I sighed.

"Yeah." I replied quietly. "Just a little homesick."

He nodded and stood up. I followed, walking along beside him as he started walking toward the other side of the yard. In this far corner of the front yard, there was a huge tree with a somewhat long board swing from one of the higher branches.

"So what was the dream about?" He asked, and I looked over at him as we approached the swing. He smiled a little. "I heard you leave last night."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake anybody up."

"Stop _saying_ that." He sighed dramatically, shaking me a little. I laughed, sitting down on the swing. I scooted over as he squished himself onto the swing with me. It wasn't weird for me being pressed against his side, or him against mine. He was equally as pressed, and it was fine for him. Easy.

I didn't think it was weird. It just made me think of a wild animal and the one human person that could control it. He knew I was dangerous, but he also knew I wasn't dangerous for him.

"Seriously, though." He said. He started swinging slowly. "What was it?"

"Nothing that bad." I replied, lifting my feet. "Long, long time ago."

"Yeah?" He prompted.

"I don't wanna tell you here."

"Oh, right." He replied. "One of those _sixty_ other kids might hear." I laughed a little, looking across the yard at the group arguing over the rules of the game. Rather loudly. All talking over each other like their voice was more important.

"I'll tell you later."

"'Kay."

We swung in silence for a few seconds.

"Is it later yet?" He whispered.

"Stop." I laughed again, bumping my shoulder into his. He laughed as well, swaying the swing a little bit. The air was warm as a slight breeze took my hair behind me, so I suspected the sun would make an appearance today.

I looked up at the sky, squinting a little as I did so.

"What's bugging you?" He asked, and I looked over at him. "You've been acting weird since your house."

"Weird how?"

"I dunno." He replied. "I can just tell. You don't look like _that_ when you just wake up from sleeping on the floor. You looked like you wanted to cry. 'Til you fixed it."

Damn, he was good.

"So what happened?" He pressed when I didn't deny it. I sighed. I would have rather had more time to think about telling him, but at the same time, I felt kind of ready to tell him. I had to think, though. What if this was the part that went wrong?

"Just tell me." He laughed a little.

"Josh. He kissed me." I mumbled, glancing over. He looked at me, a little surprised. My heart pounded as I waited for his reaction. I literally got to watch him as it sank in.

"Well.." He finally frowned a little. "Was it okay? I mean, with you?" I hesitated.

"What do you mean?"

"Did he make you kiss him?"

"No." I replied. "I was more surprised than anything."

"Then what's wrong?" He still seemed concerned.

"I didn't hit him." I admitted.

"And that's a bad thing?"

"I don't know." I sighed, a little frustrated as I looked back down. "I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. You know me. I've hit people for way less."

"Maybe.." He whispered. "You finally figured out that you like him too."

"No I don't." I frowned. He gave me a look.

"Please." He smiled a little. "You look at him like you look at me, and you like me." There was no way on earth I could just outright deny that. I wasn't even sure if I did or not. I didn't even know what 'liking' someone meant or even felt like. He looked over in my silence, reading my expression. "You really don't know?"

I didn't know, but I didn't want to keep on that track yet.

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" He leaned away to look at me easier. "I'd be kinda mad if he made you or something like that, but it's.. It's not like that. You're allowed to like whoever you like, Leandra. I don't have any reason to be mad at you."

"But.."

"Yeah, I do like you." He added. "I don't think that's a secret, but I wouldn't be a very good friend if I got mad at you for Josh kissing you. I'm not even mad at Josh." He laughed a little. "A little jealous, but I'm not mad. Really, it's okay. Please don't be sad."

I kept my eyes down as he reached his arm out and placed it around my shoulders.

"I don't need to kiss you to be your friend." He said. "I kinda like it how it is. Makes me feel important."

"You are important." I replied, looking over. "You're really important to me." He really had no idea. "That's why I was afraid to tell you."

He smiled. "You thought I'd be mad that I didn't get to do it first?" I nodded. "So you think I should, then?"

"Maybe not right now." I replied hesitantly. He laughed and shook his head.

"Not right now." He agreed, and that relieved me. Nothing had to change.

It was amazing to me how emotions could change so much just because of one stupid kiss. I was worrying over nothing, but at the same time, everything. I just wanted things to stay the same, but it had gotten weird _so_ fast. It relieved me to hear that he wasn't going to change anything, when yesterday, that would have just been a given.

I was glad I talked to him about it. I hated keeping secrets. I felt better, so I knew this wasn't what I had to be sad about, but then what was?

"What does liking someone feel like?" I asked quietly. "I've never liked anybody before." What if I liked him all this time, and didn't even know it? He hummed a little in thought, swinging higher.

"I don't know about you.." He started. "But for me, it's like.. You know that feeling of missing someone who's sitting right next to you?" I nodded a little. It was just one example, and I already knew what he was talking about. "I just like you. I don't care what we do, as long as it's with you. I know how corny that sounds, but it's true. I like listening to you, and you never get boring." He smiled. "It means not wanting to hit them, even after they kiss you."

I laughed, finding the humor in that now.

Our attention was taken to the front door as Heather stepped out.

"Presents." She called, and immediately, the stampede started toward the door. I wasn't that eager to move, but I was supposed to be here to support Josh. Heather's gaze found us, and she smiled as she paused for a second. She eventually waved us in, so Andrew stopped the swing.

We stood up together, and I let Andrew lead the way to the porch.

The wrapped present Alice had dropped into my bag was actually three gifts. Three video games, and he went absolutely nuts over them. As did the other boys.

"How did you even get these?" Josh asked, amazed. "Seriously, Leandra. One of these wasn't even supposed to be released until Christmas. You're amazing. Thank you so much!"

"I had a little help." I admitted, laughing. "But I'm glad you like them."

"You're kidding, right? I love them. This is amazing. Really." He shook his head, laughing as well. It made me happy to see him so happy. It nearly made up for waking him up so often the night before.

Only a few minutes after all of the gifts were open, though, I jumped at the sound of the doorbell. I watched Heather cross the room and open it, surprised at who she saw.

"Leandra?" Heather called for me. I frowned a little, looking at Andrew before I stood up. He followed, just as confused. I understood as Carlisle walked in. It wasn't even four o'clock yet.

He didn't look happy. He wasn't mad, but _some_ thing was weighing on him, so I knew to be on edge anyway.

"Get your things, please." He murmured before I even made it to his side. My stomach dropped at the sound of his tone.

"What's wrong?" I had to ask. He didn't reply, only gesturing at the stairs. Andrew and I glanced at each other again before we turned around and headed up the stairs.

Josh was waiting to tell me goodbye as we descended the stairs again. He smiled, hugging me.

"Don't disappear, okay?" He asked, knowing my pattern.

"I'll try not to." I laughed a little, returning his hug. I really hoped it wouldn't be forever before I saw them again.

We didn't stay long after that. Just long enough to thank Heather for letting me stay, wish Josh a happy birthday, and we left. It was confusing to me, but I wouldn't ask again until he brought it up.

I was incredibly relieved to be home, but Carlisle followed me into my room when I went to put my things away. My heart reacted in nervousness while I studied him, watching him close the door.

"What's wrong?" I had to ask again. "Please tell me."

"Have a seat." He sighed, gesturing to the bed. "There's something I need to tell you."

So I did. I was too scared to argue. He sat down as well, another heavy sigh telling me to prepare for something.

"It's about your mother." He started, and I waited. "I couldn't reach her at first, but I knew how worried you were about her, so I visited her instead. Apparently, she.. She's okay. She'll be okay, but.. Had you not asked me to contact her last night, there is a very good probability that she wouldn't have been."

I was quiet, unsure. So what did that mean?

"Leandra, you saved her life." He said, and I sighed. I was oddly glad to hear that she was okay. "By paying attention to what your gift was telling you, you've saved not only your father's life, as well as his entire family, but you've also saved your mother's life."

He sighed.

"Here's the problem, though." He went on. "Alice didn't even see anything going wrong last night. You picked it up on your own. That could be because of the tie you have to her. I'm not sure, but I want you to start working with Alice. I want you to learn how to be comfortable with your developing gift. It seems to be coming on faster than any of us could have anticipated."

"And that's bad?"

"No." He replied. "But if you're picking things up that Alice doesn't, I'm worried about what that could mean for you."

I nodded.

"How come you had to get me early?" I hadn't requested it, so I was a little curious. I wasn't mad about it. Relieved, actually, but still curious.

"I only wanted to give you more time at home before you had to sleep."

"I had a bad night." I sighed, allowing that.

"I know." He replied with a nod. "But at least you slept. Any amount of sleep is good. It's up to you what you want to do tonight." I nodded again. I appreciated that.

I was quiet for a second.

"Why were you so sad?" I asked. "Before I left yesterday." He seemed hesitant to answer, looking down instead.

"I'm only worried." He finally admitted. "So much is happening now that I don't believe you're completely ready for."

"Josh?" I guessed. "Or my gift?"

"Both." He replied, and I nodded. I understood that. "I suppose I may be a bit protective."

"You just know me." I shrugged a little. "I think I've noticed it too. It's a little scary."

"I don't want you to be scared of these things, Leandra." He said. "These are amazing things. I only want you to be prepared for the changes they bring to your life."

"I think I'll be okay. As long as I have you guys."

He nodded.

I appreciated his talk with me. I was glad he did it the way he did it, instead of out in the open. I wasn't sure why, but I liked believing it was just between us. Of course Jasper and Alice already knew all about it. I felt bad for making them stand around outside all night, but I was just glad I hadn't needed their help.

I wasn't surprised when Alice wanted to talk to me only a little while later. I allowed her to lead me upstairs just before dinner, and though I hesitated in actually going into her room, I relented quite easily at her insistence. I sighed as she sat me down on the side of her bed and she sat with me.

"I want to know the second you start finding these things out while you're awake."

Just jumping right into it.

"You said I can't." I frowned.

"I don't know what to expect anymore." She laughed a little. "Now, tell me every detail of what you saw."

So I did. I even started with the dream of me when I was little. I told her about the pain I felt in my head right before, and all through the next dream of my mom. I told her about waking up with it, and with the emotion I did. I told her what the dream even looked like. Fuzzy, spotted. Not quite a full picture, but glimpses of things.

She understood all of it. She didn't even have to tell me that it was way more than the dream I'd had of Jack. The most I could remember of the dream I had of Jack was his eyes. The insanity in them, and the way his face was not even an inch away from mine.

I still felt suffocated by that dream.

This dream, of my mom, there was more. I saw more details. I knew enough to know to be worried, just by the emotional pain I felt. I just knew that that emotional pain was hers. Not quite like Jasper's gift, but more of an understanding. Just knowing. No human could possibly feel that much heartbreak without someone needing to worry about them.

I knew she didn't have anyone else to worry about her.

Besides me, of course. I felt that kind of pain all the time, but hers was different in some way. So I asked Carlisle to check on her, and I turned out to be right.

"Okay." She murmured after a minute of silence. "I can already tell you that your ability is going to be stronger than mine ever was."

"How?"

"I don't get all that from my visions _now_." She pointed out. "I don't have the kind of understanding that you seem to have. All I see is what's happening at the time, not the reasoning behind it or the circumstances surrounding it."

"So what's that mean?"

"I don't know." She replied. "But I do know that whatever it is, you're preparing yourself for it, and doing a darn good job of it." I frowned. "Leandra, anyone even the least bit unprepared would have lost their minds with that first vision. Even what it was should have been enough to break you. Then that moment on the porch, and then last night.. You're preparing yourself. All I ask is to slow down a little bit."

"It's nothing I'm trying to do." I replied. "It's just doing it on its own."

She hummed in thought, looking away for a second.

"Tell me about that pain again." She said. "Where was it?"

"Kinda everywhere." I frowned, just remembering it. "It felt sharp, but I didn't even wake up from it. The dream changed before I could."

"How is it now?"

"It's gone."

"Did you take anything for it?" Like Tylenol or something.

"No." I shook my head a little. "I had it for a little while after I woke up, but it was gone when I woke up the next time." She nodded.

"Carlisle's going to keep an eye on that." She informed me. "Just to rule out anything medical, so make sure you tell us if or when you feel it again so we can keep track of it." I nodded this time.

"Ruling out anything medical." Carlisle joined us, standing in the doorway. "I know I've asked this question before, but I want to make sure you were truthful. Did you lose consciousness at any point during that fight with Jack?"

I looked down.

"For any length of time?" He prompted. I sighed.

"That was like forever ago-"

"It doesn't matter." He stressed. "Head injuries can hide. Did you?"

"Yeah." I mumbled shamefully. "I don't know how long. Maybe a minute? After he hit my head on the floor."

"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?" He seemed upset.

"I didn't think it mattered." I admitted, defensive. "Plus this is the first time it's been brought up since."

"What about when I asked you the first three times?" He had moved on to scolding me now. "Of course it mattered. It _matters_. I ask you those questions for a reason."

"I don't like talking about it."

"I understand that, Leandra." He replied firmly. "I do, but when your reluctance to talk about something leads you to lie and interfere with my ability to make sure you're safe, things like this happen. I want you to tell me the _second_ any pain comes back. I'm very disappointed. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I muttered instantly. The last person to use a tone like this toward me had been Jasper. I didn't like it coming from him, but I especially hated it coming from Carlisle. Especially after the talk we'd just had.

"And from this point on, I never want to find out you've kept any details like that back." He went on. "Even if you believe it doesn't matter, I want the truth. No more lies."

"Okay." I whimpered, reaching over and rubbing my arm insecurely. "I'm sorry.." He sighed heavily, shaking his head and leaving the room.

I sat quietly beside Alice, who stayed quiet as well. I wasn't exactly nervous, but I hated that I was the one to disappoint him so much.

"He's right." Alice murmured gently. "Things like that can hide, so it's important to tell him everything. He knows what he's doing."

I nodded, biting my lip.

"He's only worried." She added. "As strong as he is, it bothers him that he might have missed something important. He can only protect you as far as you let him."

I nodded again. I swallowed back my emotion, looking over at her.

"Does he really think all this is because I hit my head?"

"Even if you don't show any symptoms initially, injuries like that can be very dangerous." She replied quietly. "Sometimes issues can come up several weeks after it happened, so it's.. A possibility that your gift is being pushed forward because of it. The fact that the pain is gone now is a good sign, though."

I nodded once more, looking back down. I felt sore after that scolding, but Alice was right. He was only worried.

"I know what will cheer you up." She smiled, hugging me briefly. I watched her stand up and cross the room. She pawed through her closet, finding what she was after rather easily. She looked back at me. "Your dress came in. For the wedding next month."

I slapped my palm to my face, laying to the side.

"No arguing." She insisted before I could protest out loud. "It's Edward and Bella's wedding. I at least get to make you look like a girl for formal events. That's the rule."

I sighed heavily. She had a point. If she had her way, I'd be in a dress every day.

"Okay." I grumbled, uncovering my face. "Show me."

 **A/N: _So_ much happens in this chapter, in such a short space. Holy crap. I'm sorry it took so long. This whole chapter was a little complicated. I hope it made sense and didn't seem too busy.  
THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS! I love you guys so much!  
Chapter Five might take a few days. I have to proceed cautiously from here or risk ruining the whole thing. Bear with me. (:  
Until Five, my friends!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I'd handled that scolding rather well, I thought. I barely teared up, but then again, I knew Carlisle hadn't scolded me to be mean. I knew, though, that I couldn't leave it the way it was. I couldn't let Carlisle stay mad at me. It bothered me too badly.

So I went to find him just before dinner. The first place I checked was his office, and I knew he heard me coming as he looked up. I knew he knew I wasn't here to argue with him about it.

I hesitated in the doorway, briefly recalling all the time I'd spent in here just talking to him. I missed those talks, even if they never really got me anywhere.

"I'm sorry." He sighed before I could apologize again. "I'm sorry I was so short with you."

"You were just worried." I mumbled, and I smiled a little. "I know I don't make it easy to be my dad."

He smiled a little as well, and I knew it was safe to go in. Not that I still expected him to hurt me, but I wasn't sure before if he still needed space. Now I knew it was okay, so I drifted in.

"It certainly isn't easy, but I don't think it's anything you intend to do." He said as I rounded the desk and approached his side carefully. "I know you're trying. I just don't think you understand why I need to know the things I ask you."

"To make sure I'm okay." I nodded, sniffling a little. "I don't know why I lied about it, but I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. Now I know. I think I was just embarrassed, because I didn't get to fight very much after that happened."

"Leandra, you have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I know." I replied. "But I am anyway. I just wish I could have done more." I looked down. "I still hate thinking about that day. I've learned so many things since then that I don't wanna know but at the same time, I need to know."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I think back, one of the biggest questions I've ever had was 'why'." I explained. "Why Jack did the things he did. I used to think I'd never figure that out, but now I think I'm starting to."

"There's nothing wrong with being curious." He assured me, and I looked over. "It's perfectly natural to want answers to the things he put you through, and it's perfectly natural to feel a sense of.. Sympathy, I suppose."

"Sympathy?" I asked, unsure. I wasn't fully sure of what that word meant.

"It means you feel sorry for him." He explained. "You pity him. In your search for answers, you found things you can identify with. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a good thing."

"It is?"

He nodded. "It only shows how caring of a person you are, despite the hardships you've been faced with. You have a very big heart, Leandra. It's one of the things I love the most about you."

"It helps if I don't think of them as the same person." I admitted quietly. "The Jack I knew, and the Jack I feel sorry for."

"That's because they most likely aren't." He replied. "Trauma changes people. It's a very powerful thing. Whether that's.. Witnessing something traumatic, or experiencing it themselves, everyone has their own ways of coping. In Jack's case, I believe he internalized it. He held onto it, until it ultimately destroyed him as a person. Breaking down his moral sense until it became what he decided it should be based on nothing but what he was taught, while driving him to do some of the worst things imaginable."

I liked the way he was explaining it. It confirmed a lot of what I already thought, validating the conclusions I'd come to and making the answers I'd found a little more real.

"That's why it's important to talk." I mumbled, and he nodded.

"Partly." He allowed. "It's also important to talk, if only to be heard. There's a sense of support you get when you're heard that is hard to find anywhere else." I nodded. I could understand that.

I was quiet for a second. I had another question that I wasn't sure was okay to ask, so I just went for it. If he didn't want to answer, he'd let me know.

"What happened with my mom?"

I felt like I needed to know.

"You said I saved her life, but from what?"

"Herself." He answered quietly, and I stood silently. I was a little surprised he answered so easily. "Leandra, guilt is also a very powerful emotion. I want you to understand something. Before I go any further with an explanation, I want you to know that your mother's choices are her own. You're not responsible, in any way, for the things she does."

"I know that." I mumbled. How bad was it that he needed to tell me that?

He nodded a little, but was quiet again.

"Herself?" I prompted after several seconds. "What'd she do?"

"She was moments away from taking her own life." He explained, and I blinked in surprise. He was quiet as that sunk in, and I looked down. "Guilt is a very powerful emotion. Just as powerful as hatred, or even love. Thankfully, I was able to reach her in time, and she's okay now."

"But why?" Even while I was asking that, I felt like I knew the answer to that. Just remembering the emotions I woke up with, the memory of that deep ache of a badly broken heart spelled disaster. I suddenly realized that those emotions were hers. Not everybody could handle that kind of pain without folding and looking for the nearest way out.

"She felt it was the best option." He replied gently. "She'd lost sight of reasons to stay around, and the knowledge of what her choices brought you only pushed her closer." I kept my eyes down. "Depression like hers and alcohol is a very bad combination."

"She started drinking again?" I asked quietly. I wasn't surprised.

"Unfortunately." He sighed. "But I think she only needed to be reminded of the reasons why she stopped in the first place. Leandra, if it wasn't for you, our talk earlier this afternoon would have been a lot different. Had you not insisted.."

"Morning would have been too late." I understood. He nodded. "Now that dream makes sense."

Being told this made everything more real. Like I didn't have room anymore to deny any part of this ability I was getting. How close it was scared me into really believing it.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." I mumbled. "I used to be so mad at her. I still remember what Emmett said that day. Back before she made me leave here. He said that she's going to remind herself every day that she's the reason why I was hurt so much. He said the guilt should be punishment enough." He nodded. "I said I hope she suffers. I feel bad about that now."

I would have felt even worse had Carlisle not gotten to her in time.

That conversation seemed like so long ago. How much had I changed since that day? It was only last year, but I felt almost like a different person. Trauma changes people.

"You were upset." He reasoned, but I shook my head.

"I was, but I meant it."

"Remember." He sighed, standing. "It's important for you to remember that you're not responsible for your mother's actions, Leandra." I took a breath, nodding a little. "If anything, take some comfort in knowing you were the one that helped her."

I wasn't sure how to feel, but at the same time, I was glad I knew. I was glad he told me instead of leaving me to wonder. I was sad, of course. I hated to think about how hard it must have been for her. I still had my problems with her, but it was impossible not to feel bad for her.

But I felt better now that I knew Carlisle wasn't still mad at me for lying.

I followed Carlisle toward the door. I could easily smell that dinner was just about done, so I knew I should start heading that way.

"I wouldn't say no if she wanted to see me." I mumbled. "If it made her feel better, I mean."

"That's kind of you." He replied quietly, descending the stairs with me.

"And I wanna try sleeping in my room again." I added. That surprised him. "I dunno. I just have to try again. I can't let him chase me away from that too. It's all still there, and it still hurts, but it's still _my_ room."

"Can I ask what changed?" He asked as we reached the bottom of the stairs. He led me toward the kitchen. I knew why he'd ask. I'd all but given up on it just a few days before.

"Heather." I answered. "I talked to her last night. She said she got away from being afraid by setting goals for herself. Things she can do to get her where she wanted to be. It didn't seem that hard to do, so I set a little one for me. I want my room back. That's where I wanna be, so I'll just start there."

"She's a strong person." Carlisle seemed to agree. "I think it's good that you look up to her." Esme smiled as we arrived at the kitchen.

I nodded. "She's one of the only people I know that's survived Jack. My mom's the other person, but she's not doing that good." I sighed and sat down in my usual seat. "I wanna learn how to be like her. I think to do that, I have to stop letting the stupid part of my head tell me what I can't do. I know it's not gonna happen right away, but it's a start, right? I can work on it. Like my gift. Like you said. I might mess up sometimes, but I've already changed so much."

"Okay, I really like that lady." Emmett muttered, sitting beside me. I smiled a little over at him.

"They had it just as bad as I did." I admitted. "Her and Jack. She said Jack learned everything he knew from experience. If she could get away and be a good person, then I can. I already got away, so now I just have to learn how to be a good person."

"You already are." Emmett replied. "The way you helped Josh that night? Remember?"

I shrugged. "I just saw he was having a hard time."

"You saw he was sad over someone you hate, but you didn't let that change your mind." He pointed out. "That's the point. You empathized with him. Empathy is putting yourself in someone else's place. Putting your own feelings aside for a second, imagining what something would be like and feeling for them. It's important, and it's what makes humans human."

"I believe you, but I don't think it was really that hard." I frowned a little. "I'm too relieved that they got to see the good part of Jack, but at the same time, I feel bad that they had to lose him because of me. I know it's not my fault, and I know it had to happen, but it was still _because_ of me."

"No." Emmett replied. "It was because of him, but I get what you mean. It sucks." I nodded.

"Now he'll never hurt anyone else." I muttered.

But I was wrong. I knew I was wrong that night while I laid in my bed. I felt my nervousness growing, and I did everything I could to fight it back and just fall asleep, but I could still feel it there. The entire bed had been replaced, but it wasn't the bed. The bed didn't matter much by itself. It was the room. The walls had seen everything.

"Just stop it." I whispered to myself, forcing my eyes to close, but closing my eyes made it worse. I could feel it creeping up, so I opened them again. Just to be sure I was really still okay.

But I forced myself to stay there. All I had to do was stay there long enough for my brain to figure out that it was just my room. That's all it was. That's all it was. I sobbed once in frustration, forcing my eyes to close again.

Why couldn't I stand it? Why was this so hard? It was stupid to be afraid. I knew Jack was gone, but it wasn't that. I knew it wasn't my old bed that I laid on, but it wasn't that either. What happened in here wasn't the room's fault. I needed to figure this out.

Really for the first time since it happened, I took a step back. Instead of trying to force myself to be comfortable in here, or running away from the problem, I looked at it straight on.

Sifting through the memories like flashcards, it was the best chance I had.

I hated this so much, but _what_ did I hate? Besides everything, but more specifically.

The feeling had changed. I lost a part of me in this room that day. He'd taken my sense of safety and whatever sense of self I'd worked to gather in the time it took him to pin me on my bed. There was a vulnerability in those memories I'd been refusing to face. He had taken something from me that day, and he died keeping it. I was forced to remember that every time I came in here.

I didn't even know where to start getting that back.

That's why I couldn't be in here before. It was too new. Now I had to face it if I'd ever be comfortable in here again.

My eyes opened again with an extra beat of my heart. Nervousness and something like panic making me edgy. It had been like this the whole time. I couldn't relax enough to fall asleep.

"I can't do it." I eventually sobbed out loud. I pushed myself upright, my breathing tight. I still felt his hand on my back. His weight over me, squeezing the breath from me.

And something I had forgotten about until just now. The kiss he gave me. It had been very brief, but suddenly remembering about it the way I had felt like a punch to the stomach.

The memory of that got me fighting out of bed, stumbling to the floor. I made it across the room right as the door opened. Before I could bolt passed her, Esme hugged me. As badly as I needed her hug, I fought to catch my breath.

"I can't." I sobbed, my voice trembling and tight. I didn't even wait for her reply before I started crumbling. How could my mind have that much power over me? To forget things I should have remembered, and bring it up at the worst possible time. To recall things I really didn't want to recall, and send me nearly sprinting away from where it happened.

"It's okay, sweetie." She assured me gently. "You're okay. Just breathe."

Esme had to feel how bad I was shaking. I looked over at my bed like I expected something to be there, unable to help it.

"I can't." I panted, my emotion squeezing that response from me. "I can't do it."

Jasper caught them before my emotions could get to me too badly, which I was deeply grateful for. I accepted his help, forcing deep breaths. Jasper's help was just enough to help me. To change the way I saw these things.

"What happened.." I mumbled, looking over at the bed again. It wasn't a question. More like an incomplete statement, but it wasn't toward her. I felt like I was losing my mind, a fog there I wasn't used to having. Esme was quiet.

As the panic faded, I felt like things got clearer.

That certainly explained why I was so torn when Josh kissed me. Why I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing. Why I was so mixed up. It wasn't Josh's fault. It wasn't even mine. Part of me reacted to the memory of Jack's kiss without even knowing I was doing it.

"I can't." I finally sighed when I could. "I can't give up." That surprised her, given her glance down at me. I'd set a goal. I wasn't giving up on it until I absolutely had to. If I gave up now, I'd probably just give up on things for the rest of my life.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep that night, but I was too stubborn to give up. As I'd told Carlisle. It was still there. It still hurt, but this was my room. I wasn't going to let something like a stupid kiss chase me out of it.

Remembering it the way I did, though, seemed to give me some kind of control over it. Now that I knew it was there, I could do something about it. Not that there was much I could do about it anyway. I just didn't understand why it would bug me so bad.

I knew, even back when it happened, what it'd meant to him. I knew him well enough to know that it'd only been another threat.

But knowing that didn't explain why I was so bothered by it.

God, why couldn't it just be enough that I got out of that alive? I wanted so badly for it to be that simple. Somehow, it didn't seem fair that he was dead, and I had to keep going through it like this. He didn't face anything. I was the one suffering.

I didn't say anything about it. With Jasper's help, it seemed pointless to say anything. I remembered it, but I didn't have to bring it up. As far as they knew, I was just coming to terms with everything else that chased me out of here before. That was all they needed to know, because that was really all I was doing anyway.

I didn't sleep, but I didn't run away again either. It was a start.

"My head hurts again." I admitted during breakfast. "But it's different." After my long night, I really wasn't surprised. Neither was Carlisle. He just gave me Tylenol for the ache, and left it at that. Every part of me ached with the tiredness now. It wasn't just tired. It was exhausted in every form of the word.

I rested on the couch that afternoon, unable to stand the tiredness any longer, but what happened there surprised everyone. Including me.

I fell asleep. Not just a little bit, but all the way.

I slept deeper than I ever had. Including using that sleep aid. I was actually out, instead of deeply snoozing, which was probably why they let me stay there.

Anybody could have walked by, and I would never have known it. They could have had a full conversation, and I would never have heard it. Every light in the house could have been on, and I would never have seen it. It was like my mind had reached its limit of sleeplessness, and it chose that time to remember how to sleep.

I didn't dream. If I did, I had no memory of it. It was the biggest relief I'd ever felt to just sleep.

I woke up just passed midnight, ten hours after laying down, but before I could really talk about it, I moved myself to my room. I didn't take much time to think about what I was doing. I just crawled into bed before I could talk myself out of it.

I didn't know what made me do that, but it worked. I continued that deep, dreamless sleep for another several hours. Sleeping in my own bed for the first time since the day I last saw Jack.

I didn't wake up in a panic. I didn't wake up crying. I woke up slowly. A little groggy, but I wasn't scared. My headache was gone, which I expected but that didn't keep it from being a huge relief.

I had just proven to myself that I could do it. I didn't have to be afraid of these four walls anymore. I'd worked so hard to get this feeling back. I didn't expect it to last, so I took some pride in it while it lasted. I let myself have this moment.

As badly as I knew they wanted to, my family didn't make a big deal out of it. I knew why. I didn't bring it up either for the same reason. I still wasn't stupid enough to expect it to last, so I was really surprised when the same thing happened again that night.

Remembering my dreamless sleep the night before, I tried my room again. I had a little bit of trouble falling asleep, but I did get there, and I stayed there.

The first night was a surprise. The second night I started to see a pattern, and every night after that, I just counted my lucky stars. I looked forward to sleep now instead of dreading it, and I woke up at peace instead of in a panic.

My head hadn't hurt again, and that was just a plus. My appetite improved. I was generally happier. I still had my moments during the day, but I was really starting to see what Carlisle had meant when he said sleep was just as important as everything else. Real sleep.

It wasn't excessive, which made it a good thing. If I'd always been tired or always sleeping, it would have worried them, but I was getting nine hours of sleep a night. Sometimes ten if I was lazy. I was used to three, four at the most before I was awake again. I was awake. More aware of things around me.

It was weird to me, though. I was used to being awake a lot more often than I was and I felt like I was missing so much time. I still had no idea what was causing it, but I refused to question it. It was a very nice change.

I just didn't know how long it would last. I couldn't help it, though. I felt it. Those nightmares, just behind that barrier. Like a dark cloud following me around, and I knew if I dared to look at it, it'd start to rain and I'd be drowning again. I could hear it, and feel it getting restless in the back of my mind.

Edward had been around more. Probably because his wedding was coming up in a few weeks. Now was one of those times. He'd been sitting there with me for a few minutes.

There was never any pressure to talk with Edward. Maybe because I knew he was content just listening to my mind. It was nearly choking that prompted conversation.

I had a hard piece of candy in my mouth and swallowed it before I was ready, which panicked me for a split second. I smiled, a little embarrassed.

I laughed, looking over at him. "That was scary."

"You should be more careful." He smiled, amused.

"Yeah." I agreed. "Because that would suck."

It was quiet for a moment before I looked back over at him.

"I think I figured it out." I said. "Why people would wanna get married." He smiled. He remembered our conversation the evening before the newborn fight.

"Oh?" He prompted.

"I still don't think I ever would, but it's like finding another part of you you didn't know was missing." I muttered. "Someone to be there when you're having a hard time, or someone to be happy with you when you're happy. Like never having to be lonely again."

"And you don't believe that's something you'd ever want?" He asked, and I shrugged.

"Not sure." I replied. "I don't know what I want yet, but probably not. Just thinking about it scares me."

"It wouldn't be worth doing if it didn't scare you just enough."

"Are you scared?" I asked, curious.

"In a way, I suppose you could say I am." He nodded a little. "But I've also never been more sure of anything in my life." I smiled, sitting up straighter.

"That sounds confusing." I laughed.

"A little."

"I kinda get it, though." I admitted. It took me a second, but I found an example of my own. "Like when I first came here. I was so scared, but I was sure. I'm glad I didn't chicken out."

"I'm also glad you didn't chicken out." He replied. "You're starting to realize how much life you've yet to live. I really believe that if you never gave us a chance, you wouldn't have come as far as you have."

Where would I be now if I'd have just decided that nobody could be trusted and stuck with it. What would have happened if I'd let Carlisle walk away that day? I shivered, just thinking about it.

"I had to." I muttered. "It was the only way."

"I know." He said quietly.

Back then, I'd been so convinced that I'd messed up. That I'd made a huge mistake. I saw now that giving up on everything, and going back to what was easiest at the time would have been the huge mistake. Carlisle had talked me through those moments so effortlessly. They all had, really. Without that, I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I was today. I wouldn't have my friends, or have gotten as far as I had emotionally.

But again. I still felt it looming. Edward frowned a little, so I knew he saw what I was thinking about. I looked over at him.

"That is a little concerning." He murmured. "I assume you haven't spoken to Carlisle about that?"

"No." I sighed. "I thought it was just me."

"I'm sure it'll be alright. Just be kind to yourself if it becomes too much." He and I both knew that when the bad stuff built up too much, it always came out. Some way. He also knew I wasn't the kindest to myself when that happened. Among the memories and nightmares, there was a debilitating sense of self-hatred I couldn't shake. When the bad stuff built up, I turned on myself like a wounded animal.

"Just do me a favor?" I requested. "I won't be too hard on myself when it gets to be too much, if you promise to try not to forget about me when you're all married and stuff." He was really the only one I knew that understood my mind probably better than I did. I didn't want to lose that help.

He smirked. "It won't be any different than it is now."

Edward had always been one to come and go. He stuck around for a bit. Just enough to see how everyone was doing and he always went back to Bella before too long. I never held that against him. Not for a second. I was just glad it wasn't going to change.

I nodded.

"And one more favor." I added. "Don't ask me to hold any babies you have. I suck at it."

He frowned a little. "Where would you get an idea like that?"

"That's what married people do, right? Have babies?"

"Generally, yes, but I don't think that's anything you need to worry about. As in.. It's not possible."

I shrugged, waiting. That wasn't an agreement. He chuckled.

"Alright." He said. "I promise not to ask you to hold any babies."

"Thank you." I replied. "I almost dropped Kaylee like three times in the thirty seconds I was holding her."

"I'm sure it was fine." He chuckled again, and I smiled a little.

"It wouldn't have been fine if I'd have dropped her." I pointed out.

I knew enough to know to let my family know when a bad night was coming. It'd been far too long of the best sleep I'd ever had. That had to mean the worst nights I'd ever had had to be coming.

But they didn't. As close as the dark cloud was while I was awake, it didn't reach me when I slept. I just kept having the dreamless nights, and I got to keep my appetite and better mood.

I spent more time outside, sometimes in the trees right on the edge of the yard. Literally in the trees. There was something I liked about climbing. I never went very high, and I never moved unless I was sure about it, so my family allowed it.

Plus, the more I exhausted myself like this during the day, the further that cloud got. I never had much of a chance to do this kind of stuff before. Not consistently like I was. Without the nightmares, and with the sleep I was getting, I had the energy to do this that I didn't have before.

Just in case, though, Emmett was always my safety net. He was always welcome, because I started learning a lot about the basics of being in a good mood. This was new territory for me. It must have been something I missed all this time, but it seemed to stick now.

It was a feeling I didn't recognize, but accepted without question.

Maybe a few questions.

I didn't know what was so different, and I couldn't think of anything that had changed, besides forcing myself to face my room head on. I didn't have to run away from the memories inside it anymore. Maybe that shifted things. I didn't know.

Emmett didn't mind being that safety net either. He seemed just fine circling the tree beneath me, being the thing I talked at. Now and then he'd encourage me to go higher, but otherwise, he was good to have there.

Throughout this time, I had only a few more talks with Alice about this gift that seemed to have gone to sleep. I hadn't had any weird feelings or dreams about anything. I didn't have any answers about that either.

Before I even knew it, the wedding was only a day away, and my playground started getting decorated.

My dreaded dress came back out for a final revision before I'd have to wear it. Alice stole me briefly for a try-on. I did so without a fuss, pleased at the way it hung down passed my knees. I didn't give much of a fuss about anything lately. She circled me, nodding to herself.

The dress was a deep purple color, almost violet, just a little lighter. It had shiny, lighter purple beads embroidered along the top, and trailing down the front, ending in random places just passed the waist, like a waterfall. A satin band the same color as the beads came around the middle and was tied with a bow in the back. The thin shoulder straps looked like they'd be uncomfortable, but I'd only be wearing it for a few hours. I really liked the color, at least.

My dress was darker than the other dresses, but I didn't mind it. Quite a few shades darker than Alice's.

"Good." She finally commented, smiling. "Hardly anything needs to be fixed. Maybe just lengthen these a little." She adjusted the shoulder straps. "And you'll be set." I nodded.

"Esme will be doing your hair early tomorrow." She informed me. "I've chosen a few hairstyles for you, so-"

"I like that one.. The braid one that goes around like this..?" I pointed around my head.

"Oh, I know which one you mean. The feather braid?" I nodded and she squeaked. She seemed thrilled I was showing a preference, but I liked it because I got to leave most of my hair down. Whatever the reason, it was still unheard of to her.

I wasn't stuck there long, though, as my dad showed up. I was surprised to see him there in the living room, and given the way his expression changed, he was surprised by me as well.

"Wow." He smiled as I approached from the stairs.

"What?" I laughed.

"You've been sleeping better, I see." He pointed out, and I smiled a little as well. He could instantly tell. I nodded a little.

"A lot better." I replied.

"I'm so glad." He really was. I could tell as he hugged me into his side. I sat down, and he did as well. Esme sat across from us, which I was grateful for. I might have been sleeping better, but I still wasn't the best at keeping things from getting awkward.

"You came early." I pointed out to him, and he nodded.

"We'll be coming tomorrow." He replied. "We came early to look at a few houses, and I wanted to check in with you."

"Houses already?" I asked, surprised. He laughed.

"It's been a few weeks." He reminded me. "We needed that time to get things in order back home. This is the easy part. Next, comes choosing one and then all the paperwork. Somewhere in there we need to start packing." That sounded like a lot of work. "Then it's a waiting game."

I laughed. "So where are you gonna live?"

"There are a few nice places in town well within our budget, but we haven't quite decided yet." He explained. "I'd like to avoid Sappho."

"I don't blame you." I frowned. "The school sucks there. Plus it's pretty far. I wouldn't be able to walk there."

"I wouldn't want you walking that far anyway." He frowned as well.

"I walk everywhere." I said. "At least, I used to. That kinda stopped when I figured out the town wanted to beat me up."

He knew all about that.

"Good idea." He nodded. "How is that going, by the way?"

"I think mostly everyone's forgotten about it." I replied. "But I think I should wait a little longer before going anywhere alone."

"Better to be safe than sorry."

"Way better." I agreed with a sigh.

He was quiet for a moment. His smile faded in the silence and he sighed.

"What?" I asked, catching that change easily. He hesitated.

"I heard about your mom." He replied. "And I stopped to see her on my way in."

"Oh." I muttered, looking down.

"Baby, she's not doing well." He murmured. "I think it'd be helpful if you went to see her."

"She hasn't said she wanted me to." I admitted.

"I doubt she _wants_ to see anyone right now." He said. "But sometimes what we want isn't what we need, right? I think it would help her a lot to see that you're doing so well."

I nodded. I had already agreed to see her if she requested it. I didn't know she wouldn't, but it made sense that she wouldn't.

"We'll take her next week, Chris." Esme offered, and he nodded as well.

After a few more minutes of lighter conversation, he looked at his watch.

"Well, I better get going." He said. "There's one more house to look at today. Rachel has the kids and is meeting me there."

"Can I come?" I was curious. I understood his surprise, as I never volunteered to go anywhere with him. It was always up to him to ask me. This time, however, I was curious about his potential new house, and I wanted to see if I still felt better away from home. It was more of a test for me.

"Sure. Of course." He laughed a little, looking to Esme. "Unless you need her to help decorate for tomorrow?"

She smiled. "I think we have it covered."

"I won't keep her long." My dad said, watching as I stood, leaving the room. I just needed my shoes.

It wasn't a very long drive to get there. It was in a town between Forks and Sappho, where I used to live. Roughly ten minutes outside of Forks.

At first look, the house was very nice. It was only one story, but it was much bigger than the house my mom had chosen. The area itself looked nice as well, just a small neighborhood surrounded by trees. It was pretty out there, and so quiet, quite a distance from the highway.

The outside was made of a light gray brick, with a prominent bay window to the right of the front door and small covered porch.

"It's not much," My dad said. "But I kind of like it."

"It's nice." I told him, removing my seat belt. Rachel was already here, parked in the driveway. Lily was sitting with Kaylee in the damp grass of the front lawn, pointing out lady bugs.

"Hi, Leandra!" Lily greeted me first as I got out, and I waved a little in return.

It was a bit of a wait for the realtor to get there and let us in, but I didn't mind that. It wasn't raining, and it was pretty warm. Lily talked non-stop about the three other houses they'd seen already, while I took a curious look around the back of the house. I couldn't see much because of the wooden fence in the way, but from what I could see through the cracks, it was a pretty decent-sized backyard.

"You could get lost for days back here." I muttered, peeking through another crack. Lily peered beside me.

"Maybe I can finally get a trampoline." She whispered hopefully.

"Lily." Rachel called around the front of the house, and she immediately ran off. I followed a little more slowly, looking at everything from the outside of the windows to the very base of the house. So far, everything looked nice, but then again, I wasn't an expert at looking at houses. I just saw no cracks in the walls or mold.

My dad smiled as I approached his side on the porch. A new woman chatting away about how good the location was as she unlocked the front door. Just as she opened it, she looked back at me with surprise.

"Oh?" She smiled. "Who's this?" She seemed nice enough.

"This is Leandra. My oldest daughter." My dad replied easily.

"I'm the reason he's moving here." I added honestly.

"Ah." She laughed. "I see. Curious, no doubt. It is pretty exciting, isn't it?" Lily was already inside the house, yelling that she'd found "her" room. I wondered how many rooms she'd claimed that day.

The lady extended her hand. "You can call me Julie." I lightly shook her hand. "Well, come on in. Let's look around a little bit." She waved us forward and my dad waited for me to go first.

The inside was just as nice as the outside.

A wide open entry way with solid tile floor flowed into very plush carpet further ahead. Ahead and to the right was a pretty roomy kitchen, and directly beside us to the right was the living room. Which held the bay window.

Inside a small alcove type area was a couple of doors, and the open door showed a huge master bedroom. A high, vaulted ceiling made the place seem bigger on the inside than what it really was.

Straight ahead looked like a dining room on the left, and maybe a den beyond a large arched doorway on the right.

To the left, was a small area for hanging coats, and a wide hallway. Probably holding the other bedrooms. I found that even without any furniture, it was very nice. Hardwood for the hallways, kitchen and dining room, and a light tan carpet for the living room and bedrooms. Natural wood accents along with natural wood cabinets in the kitchen made it feel really homey.

Before I could take a tour, Lily came running from the hallway. Grinning as soon as she saw me.

"Mommy said I could have the bigger small bedroom." She informed dad as he lifted her. "Is that okay?"

"You've moved in already, have you?" He laughed, holding her securely.

"I like this one, daddy." She replied, already almost begging. "I really like this one."

Julie laughed beside us. "I can probably get you a pretty solid deal on this place. _If_ this was the one you chose, of course."

My dad looked at Lily. "Well, let's see what your mama thinks first."

Lily whined. "But-"

I chose that moment to look around a bit more, never going far. The walls were pristine, as was the brand new carpet. The wooden window blinds looked brand new, aside from a very fine layer of dust. I tested the blinds over the window beside the front door. Just because.

My dad wandered further into the house, but I stayed there with Julie.

"It'll be nice, won't it? Having him here?" She smiled at me, making light conversation.

"I hope so." I replied. "It just seems like an awful lot of fuss, but if it's what they want, then that's okay."

"You'll understand someday when you become a parent." She said. "There's a tug there that can't exactly be explained." I smiled a little and looked up and around.

"Did anybody die here?" I wondered out loud. She laughed, thankfully not shaken by my random question.

"No." She answered. "If anyone had.. Unfortunately passed away here within the home, I'd have to mention it, but no. This is officially a death-free house. In fact, it's relatively new. Only one previous owner, who took amazing care of it in the few short years he resided here."

"Good." I mumbled. "I think I like it."

This was strange. I was having a real conversation with a real person. A stranger, even, without offending them or getting nervous myself.

I decided then to stop while I was ahead, and wandered off myself. I headed toward the hallway, my shoes making only a slight sound on the hardwood.

I found out this way that this house was big enough for four bedrooms. Three on the left side of the house, along with one smaller bathroom. It sat on the left of the hallway, directly beside Lily's room. The biggest of the smaller rooms.

The other two bedrooms were smaller than Lily's room, but still good sized and they sat on the right of the hallway. One was probably going to be Kaylee's room. I wandered into Lily's room to look around.

"Dad says I can have the walls painted." Lily reported happily and I looked back as she walked in. "Whatever color I want." Her room was pretty good sized. The high, vaulted ceiling pattern continuing in here. "It's gonna be pink. Everywhere."

I was quiet. The two side-by-side windows against the far wall let in a lot of light, even if it was cloudy.

"I thought I'd hate moving, but it's so pretty around here." I smiled a little, nodding in agreement. "And I like my room. It's a lot bigger than the one I had before, and I don't have to share it with the baby."

"That's a good thing." I commented, agreeing with her.

"Oh." She said. "Wanna see the backyard?" She must have found the way out there.

I nodded, and let her lead me from her room. Instead of finding her excitement grating on me, I couldn't help appreciating it.

She led me up the hall, back toward the front door, and turned left. Passed the kitchen, passed the dining room, and into what I thought was the den. Turned out I was right. Just another, smaller living area, with a sliding glass door against the back wall.

She wrestled it open, and stepped out onto a larger, covered back porch. Passed the porch, was a pretty good sized patio and beyond that, was a pretty good sized patch of treeless grass. All that looked to be needed was a good mowing, but otherwise, was very pretty. Secluded, surrounded on all sides by the forest, only the fence separating the trees from the grass.

"Wow." I muttered, smiling at Lily. "Very nice." I wasn't exaggerating either. She grinned back at me.

"Isn't it?" She asked excitedly. "I wanted trees like you have around your house. We didn't have trees like this where we lived before, so I wanted it. Now that we're gonna live so close, dad says you can come visit more often, too. Right?"

"Right." I agreed, and she grinned. We walked a few laps around the yard.

There, we talked about all sorts of things. Mainly how nervous she was about starting school here when they finally moved. I realized then how perfectly my dad had planned their move.

She got to finish the year at her old school, and had a summer to say goodbye to her friends. She'd be starting second grade here, so it was still early enough in her schooling that a move like this wouldn't mess her up too much.

I found that the more I listened, the more I realized that she had a lot to say. She talked the entire time we were out there, until we were finally called back in. I already knew this was the house they were going to choose. There was no way Lily would let him pick any others.

Even with the way I felt now, I knew I wouldn't be fit for being around the humans so much, so attending school again would be out of the question anyway, but I did wonder as my dad drove me home if I'd ever be okay enough to go to school. Would I ever be normal enough to go back to school?

It really surprised me to find myself actually wishing I was more normal. That was concerning to me, because I'd never, not once, wished I was normal. I never wanted to be like the other kids, but I figured it was that sense of normalcy that I craved more than I wanted to be normal. I wanted the routine. I wanted to have a reason to complain, other than the same old thing over and over. I'd never noticed that feeling before now.

But it had been becoming increasingly apparent that I actually had no idea who I was. Kids by now had built some kind of identity. Favorites. Likes, dislikes. Fears over stupid things that didn't really matter like heights or insects. A vague idea of what kind of life they wanted when they grew up. More than three friends. Experiences and lessons. Skills, like riding a bike or swimming. Wanting a trampoline, or a puppy more than anything in the world.

I saw those things, those things I should have or should want, but I couldn't understand because it was such a strange concept to me.

I didn't have any of those things. Where those normal kid things should have been, there was just nothing. Even on my good days, I had no clue who I was, and I couldn't help feeling like that ship had sailed. I couldn't help feeling like what I was now was all I'd ever be. It was something I didn't like facing.

I filed it away. Again.

 **A/N: Oh man I hate filler, but I needed filler to avoid cruising head first into the wedding, which I'm not quite ready for yet. AND I realize this chapter is HOLY CRAP quite a bit shorter than my others, but I'm okay with that if you guys are. I just didn't quite know where I could have added more without drawing it out too much.  
ALSO, as you can probably already guess, I'll be referencing the movie a lot in the next few chapters. I'd prefer to go by the book timeline, but I really don't have that much time on my hands to go back over it. Unfortunately. *headdesk*  
** **Chapter five out there. I am determined to get the dang story rolling now. Enough about the main character, dang it. All of this didn't seem like five chapters worth in my head.  
** **Oh well. To be honest, I'm in no rush. My reviewers are the best reviewers on the face of the planet. THANK YOUUUU! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!  
** **Hope you all enjoyed this one, and you can look forward to chapter six within the next couple of days. Halloween is coming up, plus a whole bunch of appointments I need to make, but the wedding chapter shouldn't take as long as this one did. I really really hope. (:  
** **Until next chapter, my lovelies. (:**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"Just a drop off, kiddo." My dad told me. "I can't stay. I've got a lot to do. I'll see you tomorrow, though." I smiled over at him.

"Okay." I agreed, giving him a quick hug. "See you tomorrow. Four-thirty. Starts at five, but you wanna get the good seats."

"I'm never late." He smiled in return.

I went inside, closing the door behind me. I hung up my damp jacket, and looked around. I knew exactly where everybody was, but I wasn't in a rush. They were all still out back decorating, and I knew I wouldn't be any help, so I decided I'd just watch.

I stepped out onto the porch, watching everybody busily decorating the back yard. Alice barking at Emmett and Rose, trying to explain where everything was supposed to go. I laughed a little, though my mind was stuck on the change I'd noticed today. I didn't worry about it like I would have before. Instead, I found it much easier to just calm down about it. Though I knew there was no way it could last, I was even a little curious to know where that change would go.

It was much easier to just laugh, and tell myself that nobody stayed the same forever. I was bound to change in more than ways than just physically. That was inevitable, so why bother worrying?

I remembered what Josh told me, and smiled. It was almost hard to believe how right he'd been. How he'd been right about the fact that my life would be a thousand times easier if I just learned not to worry about every little thing I noticed. If I just let go, and let whatever happened, happen.

"He's right." I looked back at Edward's voice, and smiled as he joined me on the porch. "No amount of regret can change the past, and no amount of worry can change the future."

"That would suck, actually." I replied as he approached my side. "I worry a lot about things that turn out to be good things."

"You really do." He agreed, laughing a little. "Can I give you my thoughts?"

"Sure." I replied easily.

"Leandra, these changes you see in yourself.." He said. "Those things have always been there. You were only holding them back because of that worry. You're comfortable now. It's not you that's changed."

That actually made a lot of sense. The night I spent at Josh's house, I called Carlisle just like he said to, and I felt heard. Just like he said I should. That must have been all I needed, because from that moment on, I wasn't scared to work on me anymore.

That, and the real effort I put into achieving that goal I set for myself.

"That was also very impressive." Edward nodded. "I don't think I told you how proud of you I am."

I looked down briefly. The memories did still get to me a little, but it wasn't overwhelming. Like I'd been given a stronger leash over them, and I'd gotten strong enough to hold onto them instead of being tugged along for the ride.

"Really." He insisted. "It takes a really strong person to overcome something like that the way you did."

"I wanted my room back." I shrugged a little. "I was tired of losing because of him. He couldn't have that too."

He nodded. "Now, take that feeling, and compare it to how you felt last year."

I thought back. Last year, I never would have even attempted to take anything back from him. I knew that part. I never would have fought him the way I did. I knew that too, but comparing how I felt now to how I felt back then really showed how far I'd come. Night and day.

It was thinking about it from that angle that proved what they'd been saying. It might not feel like much thinking about it from day to day, but like that, it was completely different.

"Now you see it." Edward pointed out.

"It took me awhile." I shook my head. "I'm pretty stubborn." He seemed to find that amusing.

"I believe that." He nodded. "I've always known that." I laughed a little, and we stood quietly for a moment.

I watched the others working down in the yard. There were sure a lot of decorations going up for just a wedding.

"How many people are gonna be here?" I asked a little nervously, looking over at him.

"Quite a few." He answered with a quiet chuckle. "Alice went a little nuts with the guest list." I pursed my lips to keep from cursing, looking back out over the yard. "On the plus side, you'll be meeting some.. Extended family tomorrow."

I frowned a little, both curious and cautious.

"Our cousins are coming from Denali." He explained.

"Cousins?" I stood up straighter. "Are they like you?"

"They are like us." He nodded with a small smile. "Meaning, they live the same lifestyle we do. We consider them close family, and from what I understand, they're quite excited to meet you."

"No pressure or anything." I muttered with a little laugh.

"You'll be fine." He chuckled. That was a little exciting. I'd never heard of these cousins before. I could kind of understand why, but it was still surprising. I knew he could tell how much he'd just helped me start looking forward to the next day, but that just brought me to another question.

"So what's it like? Being able to hear people's thoughts?"

"It can be confusing at times, it's true." He said. "But over time, I've learned to tune them out, and I've learned how to choose just one mind to hear. The rest is just background noise."

"Have you ever met anyone that can do what you can do?" I asked curiously. I was curious, because of my gift compared to Alice's. I suddenly wondered how rare it was to have two people that can do the same thing meet each other.

I was surprised that I'd never asked him these questions before. I looked up at him, and his smile faded.

"The closest one I've come across, would be Aro." He said, his mood seeming to immediately drop. "I won't go into any specifics, but his gift is different. He can see every thought a person has ever had, but he needs to touch their hand to see it. Whereas I only see what people are thinking at the moment, and I don't need contact."

"Oh." I said, nodding. "I get it." I smiled, laughing again. I was still curious, but I decided not to pry and to turn the conversation away from Aro. Whoever that was. "Is that how you found me that day? Outside the school?"

"I knew where you were going and what your intention was before you even stood up." He admitted. "It really confused me at first, so after awhile, I followed you. I couldn't believe you'd actually do it."

I looked down, remembering clearly how scared I was.

"I remember as well." He said. "I found that concerning also. However useless it was to try to lie, I didn't need to be a mind reader to see that you were afraid of your stepfather." My smile faded this time, and I looked forward. Over the yard.

I was quiet for a moment, studying my hands. "What do you think would have happened if I hadn't hit Rachel that day? I wonder about that all the time."

"I suppose you'd still be where you were. Nothing would have changed." He replied quietly.

"Or dead." I shrugged, glancing back up at him. "I know I wouldn't have survived very much longer where I was. I could be wrong, too. I was too much fun for him to get rid of like that." He sighed, looking away.

"As disappointed as I am in Emmett, I'm not sorry he did what he did. I'm only disappointed that he lost it that way in front of you. I know where his head was at, and I can't blame him for that. None of us can. Not after what he saw." He paused. "To see it happening again, he took matters into his own hands. I'd have done it myself, long before it got to that point, but I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't stop at him. I was worried I'd fall back into my old ways."

"Ways?" I asked, looking over at him.

"You have no idea how badly it bothers me to know that there are men like Jack still out there." He clarified quietly. "I used to.. Well, suffice it to say I took it upon myself to exterminate men like Jack."

This just got a whole lot more interesting, if that was possible.

"I didn't know that." I muttered, turning to face him.

"It became almost sport." He went on sadly. "The tone of his thoughts, as briefly as I'd seen him, was one I'd heard many times and one I trained myself to destroy."

"Why does that make you sad?" I asked quietly.

"Taking human life is never something to be considered sport, Leandra. No matter the reason."

"Even if it was _their_ sport to hurt people?"

He was quiet.

"I was Jack's sport." I reminded him. "Hurting me in all the ways he did made him happy."

"I know. Believe me, I know that better than most." I heard the way that got to him. "The more I heard from your mind, the more I wanted to end him right then, but that's not the right answer."

He seemed nervous telling me this. Like he was afraid I'd be afraid. Not because he'd just told me he'd killed people before, but because he was telling me that he'd wanted to do the same to Jack.

It puzzled me a little, because he was usually the one calmest about talking about my past. Even Carlisle had always shown more emotion than Edward had, as if Edward knew that him getting upset wasn't what I needed.

What about this discussion changed that? That he was worried I'd be afraid. I wasn't afraid, though. It was something I'd seen many times in many different places since the first day I met Carlisle. Since the day I was saved.

He was worried that by showing how badly it bothered him to know these things on such a _real_ level, it would somehow bother me. He was holding back.

I suddenly had to consider what that must have been like for him this entire time. Holding onto that anger over knowing all the things he knew, just so I wouldn't see it. Both from me, and from Jack.

Edward hadn't been in the same place as Jack since the day I was saved. He'd gotten enough from Jack's thoughts in those short few minutes that fueled that anger and lasted this long, even now. I didn't even know what that could possibly be like.

Edward was afraid of somehow hurting me or bothering me by showing a reaction, but it should have been me afraid of hurting him with the things in my head.

"That's not it at all, Leandra." He was careful again. Calm. Smooth denial. "To be perfectly honest, I wasn't quite prepared to have this conversation with you yet." I'd drawn it out of him.

"If you knew that more than most people.." I continued, ignoring that. "Then you gotta know that if I was Jack's sport, and you hunted people like Jack, all you did was save people like me from the pain they loved to cause." He looked down, so I sighed. "I don't think you're a bad person. That's why I'm not sorry Emmett did what he did. He was doing every single person on the planet a favor. Trust me. Besides Josh and Zack, I mean. That part's the only part that sucks."

"Leandra, I'm sorry. I really am." I looked up, confused. "I should have been here more often, instead of off visiting Bella."

"No." I said, laughing a little in an attempt to lighten his mood. "Don't be. I get it. I would probably do the same. And besides. More family time for me."

That seemed to make him feel a little better. It was true. As often as he was gone, it still seemed like I'd seen him every day. I really didn't feel that overwhelmed about learning this little bit of information from him. I still felt just as safe with him as I always did. Maybe even safer now.

Knowing I needed to change the subject, I turned my attention back to those in the yard, busy with activity, and I smiled.

"I've gotta be the luckiest kid in the world." I murmured out loud. "I can't believe there was ever a time when I really thought I wasn't. I mean, what kid could say that their family will be around forever? I can say that." He smiled. "I just hope I can make them proud when I grow up. If I could just start making the right choices, instead of stupid ones."

After a few moments, he spoke up in reply. "One thing you should realize about Carlisle, and really everyone, is that they.. We are always proud of you. No matter what you do, we're proud of all you've accomplished. It takes work. It's a real struggle to get where you are after going through what you've been through, and you made it look so easy. You may not realize it, but what you've accomplished is a feat most children, even most adults that have been in your situation don't achieve. In many ways, Carlisle admires you."

"Me?" I asked, and I laughed a little.

"You're the very definition of strength, Leandra. The will you have to move on, and live your life after all you'd been through makes you a force to be reckoned with. Just the fact that you exist, and that we have the privilege of watching you become the person you're becoming is such a blessing. The fact that you can't even see it makes it even more astounding."

I didn't really believe that. I shrugged, looking down again. I was about to reply, but before I could, a brief whistle from the yard below us had me look over. Just in time to catch a little bouquet of four or five white flowers right in the face. Surprised as I caught it in my hands, I looked down at Emmett and his grin.

I couldn't help smiling as well, giving him a look as he continued on his way. I knew he'd probably heard every word of our discussion, and that was his way of telling me that.

Rosalie trailed behind him, shaking her head and fighting a smile of her own.

I laughed, looking over at Edward again.

"See?" I asked. "Lucky. I've got the best brothers in the world." I said that last part louder, just for Emmett's benefit.

Edward nodded, chuckling a little.

I decided to return to one of our previous subjects then. I hadn't gotten the answer I needed yet.

"Is it possible, though, for two people to have the exact same gift?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me and took a breath.

"It's definitely possible. It's not as rare as you might think. It is pretty rare, however, for those two gifted individuals to actually meet." He smiled a little. "Your gift is still developing, but I have to agree. I think your gift will surpass Alice's, because you're a newer generation. Your gifts could be completely different. We don't know exactly what yours will do once it reaches its full potential, but we won't see its full potential until you've been turned. If you ever are."

"I never thought about that." I murmured in thought. "So.. You think I am, too?"

"Definitely." He said. "From what has been explained to me, and from what you recall, I see it." I looked forward again as he continued. "It's a glimpse. Just a glimmer of what it will be. It could stay the way it is now, just a feeling until you're turned, or it could change into something no one has expected. There's no telling, but I do know that the family is eager to see what it might become."

I liked his straightforward answers. Instead of beating around the answer, trying to keep from confusing me, he answered directly, and in a way I could easily understand. It made me feel less odd, and eased me into the idea of being gifted. I appreciated it greatly.

He smiled a little. "You're welcome."

He patted my shoulder, turning back toward the house. I gave him a smile, looking over the yard again as he went back inside.

I stood there for quite awhile, watching the daylight fade, and the entire yard full of decorations come together. It was hard to believe that something like that was possible, how beautiful it was. It was easily something from a magazine, or story book. Despite the way it wasn't even finished yet.

A soft breeze blew, only slightly chilly. My hair fluttered slightly over my face, tickling my nose as I watched. After a little while longer, I'd gained Esme's attention, and she left the decorating long enough to join me on the porch.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, and I shook my head a little.

"Nah." I sighed. "I think I ate too many cookies." She laughed. I stepped over, hugging onto her side and smiling a little when she returned the embrace.

"That house is really nice." I went on. "More than I expected."

"Yeah?" She prompted, smiling.

"The backyard is pretty big. Not as big as ours, but it's almost as big." I looked up, smiling a little at the way she was looking at me. "What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "I'm just surprised."

"About?" I asked, curious.

"How quickly you've completely turned around." She explained. "It makes me so happy to see you happy."

"Sleeping helps." I laughed, and she followed suit.

Edward's words were still fresh in my mind. They admired me. For whatever reason, they thought I was worthy of admiration. If they believed in me like that, really, who was I to tell them they were wrong anymore?

I was in bed early that night, and though I still expected to be woken up by a nightmare choking me in panic, I was always pleasantly surprised when I woke up in the morning with a deep breath and stretch.

It certainly helped. I'd probably never stop appreciating it.

I watched Esme bake things all morning. I wished I was interested in things like baking. She seemed so calm when she was focused on making things.

Later that afternoon, when I would have been freaking out at expecting so many people over, I was sitting there nibbling on a cookie. Letting Esme do my hair, because Rose and Alice were busy. I actually didn't mind what Esme did with my hair. Alice had passed my suggestion on to her, which I was grateful for.

Little by little, my long auburn hair was lightly braided back out of my face in a sweeping crown across the back of my head. Smaller strands of hair pulled through that braid to 'feather' down. Leaving the rest of my hair down, maybe slightly curled, I liked it better this way.

She secured the braid tightly so it wouldn't come loose until I wanted it to, and I was done. By the time I was done, it was already almost 4:30.

Alice saw my hair while on her way to get ready herself, and gave the final approval without changing a thing.

"Go get dressed." Alice urged, and I didn't argue. "Everything is already laid out for you. You've got ten minutes before everyone else starts showing up." I jogged down the stairs, and dodged Jasper and Emmett in the living room on the way toward my room. Of course, they were already dressed.

"You two look nice." I commented on my way by.

I hardly looked twice at myself in the mirror once I had the dress on. It bugged me, and I kept fixing the way it fell, but I wouldn't put up a fuss today. The one time I did look in the mirror was just before I left the room again, just to make sure I didn't mess up my hair. I was careful while pulling it on, but I had to be certain.

I couldn't believe how girly I looked. Even more than I had for the graduation party. It wasn't so much the girly part that bothered me. It was the way I missed my jeans.

This time, when I came back out, there were two other people in the living room with Jasper and Emmett. I recognized Charlie right away, but the woman beside him, I didn't.

I greeted Charlie with a smile, which he returned.

"Look at you." Charlie commented, surprised. "Wow." I hadn't seen him in months. Not since he was telling me to stop running away. If I hadn't known I'd been growing since then, I definitely would now. "You've grown so much."

I smiled, laughing a little as I found Emmett's side.

The woman beside Charlie held her hand out. "You must be Leandra."

"The one and only." I replied, and instantly, she seemed endeared.

"I'm Renee." She told me. "Bella's mom."

"Oh, hi." I said. "It's nice to meet you." I pulled my hand back, giving her a smile. "I haven't seen Bella yet, but I think she's upstairs."

"I've been up to see her." Renee assured me. "And let me tell you, Alice is amazing at what she does."

"She is." I laughed in agreement. "There's nobody better."

"I can't get over the difference." Charlie commented again. "It's amazing how much better you look."

I knew I was a pretty big wreck the last time he saw me. Road kill looked more alive than I did, so I wasn't surprised that he was so surprised. Then compared to now felt like a totally different person.

"Thanks." I laughed a little. "It hasn't been easy."

"Well, it suits you." He replied. "It really shows."

Even after everyone else made their way out back, I waited inside for Esme. I wasn't quite ready to venture anywhere on my own yet, and when she finally came down, I gave her a smile. I was okay, but a little nervous so I wanted her with me. She took my hand and walked me outside with her, giving me a comforting smile.

I held tight to her hand as we walked around, feeling a little overwhelmed by how many people were here already. The backyard had filled in the time I took. I felt like I had a permanent blush on my cheeks as I looked around.

Lots of people were there that I recognized as friends of Bella and Edward's, but a lot of people I didn't recognize. Probably friends of friends, or coworkers of Carlisle's. I found myself staring up into the trees, amazed by the thousands upon thousands of tiny white flowers hanging from them. I'd watched all these decorations come together, but it was different when I was in the middle of them.

The sound of the river nearby seemed to only complete the setting. Looking around the backyard was absolutely breathtaking, and I found myself fascinated by everything. I briefly wondered how many people had the same reaction as I did.

I'd met so many people, I knew there was no way I could possibly remember all of their names. Still overwhelmed by the beauty of the yard, I hardly noticed when Esme stopped beside three women. Releasing my hand, she reached forward and hugged them one at a time.

"Oh, is this the little one?"

"Leandra." I looked up to Esme. "These are our cousins. Tanya, Kate, and Irina." A blush flew to my cheeks, wishing she had prepared me for this. All three of these women were breathtakingly beautiful, and as nice as I hesitantly considered I looked, I felt my self-esteem drop a few thousand notches at just the sight of them.

"Esme, she's so beautiful." The one she pointed out as Kate said, smiling down at me. That was a very big compliment, coming from her.

"Thank you." I replied shyly.

"And polite." Irina spoke quietly, smiling at me also. "You don't see that in children much these days."

I looked over as Carlisle stepped up, two more I didn't recognize behind him. A man and a woman, golden eyes much like my family's. I smiled up at them, doing my best not to look nervous.

"Leandra, this is Carmen and Eleazar." Carlisle introduced the two others. These two had dark hair, instead of blonde like Tanya and her sisters. Eleazar was handsome, and had sharp features. He greeted me with a warm smile, and he held his hand out to me. I took it without much hesitation, placing my small hand in his, and he shook it gently with a smile.

"She's precious." Carmen commented. Looking back down to me, she continued. "We've heard so much about you, Leandra." Her voice was heavily accented, which I found I liked. It interested me, not having heard many accents in my lifetime.

"Good things, I hope." I laughed a little, as did they. "Because I can be a pain."

"But of course." She laughed. Carlisle's hand placed itself on my shoulder, silently telling me it was okay. She looked up, looking to Carlisle again as Carmen spoke again. "I think it's wonderful that you chose to take this one in. She seems very happy."

"I am." I replied easily.

Carmen's smile widened and she looked down to me. "Well, let me be the first of us cousins to officially welcome you to the family." I smiled wider as well.

"Thank you." I responded, smiling wider as well and leaning against Carlisle's side.

"And," Eleazar spoke. "If there is anything you need, feel free to call on us. Though, I doubt there will be very much you need." He smiled and I found myself liking my new cousins very much. It seemed as if they approved of me, and that made me ecstatic.

"Leandra." Esme called my attention, and I looked to her. She pointed toward the side, and I looked where she pointed.

Zack, Andrew and Josh. Richard behind them, along with Heather and Mark. I really wasn't surprised they got here at the same time.

I looked up at Carlisle, who offered a supportive smile before gently nudging me in their direction.

"It was nice to meet you." I murmured in goodbye to the cousins, and they all smiled in response. I took a deep breath, and started in the boys' direction. Trying not to hurry too quickly.

I'd missed them in the last few weeks. I'd missed them while I was busy, but this time, I hadn't had their help to make me better. I'd done it all on my own.

Heather spotted me first, but she didn't say anything, allowing me to sneak up on Zack. I poked the back of his head, and he yelped.

"Hey." He rounded, trying to disguise his startled reaction. "Not the hair, man."

"Wow." Josh laughed, looking me over. "You know, I never get used to seeing you look like a girl."

"Look at _you_." I countered, pointing out his suit. Josh looked down at himself. Zack wore one too. His was a little too big for him. Andrew's was simple, but it seemed better that way.

"I think you look nice, sweetie." Heather told me with a small laugh.

"Thank you." I replied, laughing as well. I couldn't help being a little embarrassed.

"You look great, Leandra." Andrew offered, and I gave him a smile.

"Thank you." I replied. "So do you guys."

I looked back, knowing exactly where each of my family stood. Jasper and Alice up at the front of where the benches sat facing, talking to someone I didn't remember meeting before. Emmett a bit down from them, talking with a bunch of Carlisle's coworkers. Rosalie stood on the other side of the benches, talking to Renee.

Esme and Carlisle were both still talking with the cousins, neither seeming to mind my disappearing. By the way Tanya kept glancing to me, slight worry or concern in her eyes, I had a sense that they were talking about me.

I was on my own here, despite how I knew at least part of their attention was on me at all times.

"Uh.." I sighed, looking at the boys again. "Yeah. You guys might want to find your seats soon, because these benches are filling up fast."

"We'll go do that." Mark laughed, greeting me with a brief hug. Richard did the same on his way by, which I didn't mind.

"Leandra." I turned, smiling at Lily as she and my dad came walking up. Rachel behind them with Kaylee in her arm in the cutest little pastel pink dress I'd ever seen.

"Hey." I grinned, returning Lily's hug once she got to me. I looked up at my dad. "Sorry. I thought four-thirty was early enough, but I guess not."

"No biggie." He replied, hugging me next. "We'll find somewhere to sit."

"I love your hair." Lily gasped, admiring the braid.

"Esme did it for me." I told her.

"It's so pretty." She whined. "Mommy, you have to learn how to do that."

"I bet if you ask really nicely, Esme would teach you how to braid like this." I nodded, and she grinned. "Then you could teach your mom how." Rachel smiled, seeming relieved that she wouldn't have to learn right away. She had her hands full enough with Kaylee.

To my surprise, I actually reached for Kaylee's hand, greeting her just as much as I greeted the others. She already seemed bigger. Just a little, but she smiled and reached for me. To my surprise, I was okay with it. I reached for her in return, and Rachel immediately agreed, handing her to me. I held her securely the same way Rachel had been. With my hand supporting her upper back, but she was sitting up.

"Just don't pee on me." I requested, looking to the grinning baby.

"Fresh change, so no worries." Rachel laughed, and I nodded. She was pretty heavy for a baby, so I knew she was doing well. I hadn't really had a chance to look at her the day before.

"I'll go help Mark find us some seats." Heather offered, pausing to give me a small side hug on her way by.

"I will too." My dad offered. "Lily, want to come help?"

She agreed, and took his hand. My dad smiled at Heather in greeting as well, and I knew they had worked things out the last time they saw each other. Probably picking back up their friendship where it'd landed.

I watched after them for a bit before I looked at the boys again. Kaylee looked around curiously, making quiet noises. It sounded as if she were wanting to talk, but couldn't quite get it.

"How old is she again?" I asked curiously.

"Almost six months." Rachel replied. "Already, I know." I laughed a little, looking at Kaylee again, but she had caught sight of the flowers strung above us.

"She moves around a lot." I observed, and Rachel smiled.

"Crawling any day now." She informed me, smiling at Kaylee as she babbled a little louder. "I can't complain. She's such a good baby."

The boys stayed around patiently, their eyes on me until I decided to hand the baby back to Rachel. I didn't want to risk doing something wrong, or dropping her as my arms started to get tired.

She wasn't so bad for a baby. I knew I'd eventually have to get used to her.

"There are _so_ many people here." Zack laughed, looking around as I led them further into the yard.

"I know." I laughed as well. "I don't know most of these people."

Soon it was time to take our seats, and I was placed beside Emmett on the far end of the bench in the first row where I would be sitting. Andrew and his dad sat toward the middle of the group, behind us along with Josh and Zack. My dad and his family a few benches behind them.

We all stood there, watching back toward the house. I couldn't see over all of the people. I was way too short, so I stood up on the bench, and even then, I could just barely see.

I gasped once I eventually saw Bella.

"Wow." I murmured. Emmett chuckled a little, amused by my amazement as she finally made it to the front, where Edward stood. The happiest smile on his face I'd seen in a long while. She slowly walked closer, and I couldn't help the large smile of my own, absolutely floored by how beautiful she looked.

Charlie placed Bella's hand in Edwards, and they stepped up to the very front together. Emmett helped me down, and I watched. We all sat down, watching the two of them together.

I'd never given much thought to weddings and whatnot, what every girl should have been dreaming of from like the time she's born. I'd never had a chance to be a girl, or be picky over clothes. I'd never had a chance to be grossed out by dirt, or be obsessed over the way I looked.

I was raised from the time I was young to not care about how I looked, or even consider the fact that I'd live long enough to get married. I'd never seen a marriage, so I never knew how emotional they could be. Watching this one up close, I couldn't help but stare.

Suddenly, all the decorations and the preparations didn't seem so outrageous for a moment as beautiful as this one. I blushed, watching them kiss after saying their vows. Clapping and standing along with everyone.

However.

I really couldn't understand it. Jasper's small glance my way told me he was aware of my sudden change of emotion. Edward and Bella hadn't even moved from their spot yet, and even through the excitement of the moment, and how much better I'd been doing, a strong sense of dread pitted in my stomach. One that certainly didn't match the mood of the occasion.

A deep, resonating nervousness that told me to be careful. I watched the two of them, trying to breathe after getting punched with that emotion so strong, and still manage to seem like nothing was wrong.

Something was going to go wrong.

I knew that, and I could feel that. It had to do with them, that much I could tell, but I couldn't imagine what could possibly go wrong enough to make me feel this way. Edward would protect her, and there wasn't any threat that I knew of to be worried about. Yet, here I was, and the dread wasn't easing. It didn't make any sense to me.

Before I'd even left the spot I was standing, Jasper was there.

"What was that?" He asked, concerned. I didn't want to say, but at the same time, I couldn't say.

"I don't know." I whispered, glancing around at everyone. Nobody else seemed to notice. "I don't know what kind of worry this is." I really didn't. I looked over as Alice approached as well, looking between us.

"The concerning kind." Jasper replied. He sighed, glancing around as I had done. "We'll talk later. For now, just be careful."

I nodded, letting him know I agreed.

"What's going on?" Alice asked quietly.

"We don't know yet." Jasper answered for me. "We need to let everyone know to watch her."

"Another feeling?" Alice asked, and Jasper nodded. "We'll keep an eye out."

"I don't wanna bother anybody." I whined a little.

"You're not a bother." Jasper immediately replied. "We'll be discreet." I sighed, slightly disappointed, but I nodded again.

The reception was held closer to the house as the sun set, and night started to fall. We didn't dance like everyone else was doing. We walked around, chatting idly with each other, looking around at all the people and stealing a cupcake here and there.

Lily followed us around for a bit, and we did our best to include her, but she broke off. Heading back to my dad's side, not that interested in just wandering the way we were.

Soon enough, it was easy to forget that feeling I'd had earlier, and I really started to believe that it was just left over from all the time I spent as an anxious wreck. Out of all the time I'd spent feeling better, tonight was the first time I was in this mood. The best I'd ever been, really.

Laughs came effortlessly. I smiled more often than not, and the bubbly feeling I couldn't shake was more than enough to keep me warm. I never appreciated it more than I did tonight.

Me and my pack of friends were the only kids there, and I knew everyone noticed. I knew we were watched closely, but I ignored that part. It didn't really matter. Nobody was stopping us from doing what we wanted to do.

"You seem different." Josh pointed out and I looked over at him. It was funny that he'd bring it up.

"How?" I asked, laughing a little. Was my behavior really that different? Yeah, I realized it really was.

"I don't know." He said. "You just seem.. Calmer."

"You're the one that told me to stop worrying so much." I pointed out. "Now it's a bad thing?"

"No." He said, smiling. "It's not a bad sort of different. It's a good one. I like it."

"Leandra." I turned at Jasper's voice. "You doing okay?" I knew he was only checking on me because of the way I felt earlier, but he should have been able to tell. I was doing much better. Better than better.

"I'm fine." I told him anyway.

The way he looked to the three boys behind me told me that he had his suspicions. I could tell in that split second glance that he'd gladly handle anyone who dared to try and ruin my good mood, and I knew he wasn't the only one.

He nodded, taking my word for it.

"Just let me know if that changes." He replied, and I nodded.

"I will." He gave me another nod, and turned, walking away. I looked to the boys with a little laugh. "He's just checking on me."

"Yeah." Josh laughed a little as well. "He's scarier than Emmett."

"Really?" I snorted, and he stammered a bit.

"Well, I mean, Emmett is plenty scary too, but there's something about Jasper that tells me not to mess with him."

"Or his sister." I pointed my finger in Josh's face. "Remember that." His laugh told me he knew I was joking.

"Really, though." I added. "You guys don't have to worry about Jasper. Or Emmett. You have nothing to be worried about, unless you piss me off or make me cry."

"If anyone pisses you off or makes you cry, _I'll_ be someone to worry about." Andrew piped up. I smiled. I knew that. He'd been oddly quiet all day, and I was glad he finally said something.

Glancing over, I met Carlisle and Esme's eyes across the yard, and smiled a little. They returned it, so I knew they'd been keeping an eye on me as well. Probably most of all.

Looking over, I watched as Bella and Edward stood talking with the cousins. Irina seemed tense, but I decided not to ask. I just hoped that wasn't what I had to be worried about.

No, I told myself. Whatever it is, they'd handle it. I wanted to keep this feeling for as long as I could, and to do that, I couldn't afford to notice things. I needed to keep it in my own little world.

We continued our walk around. It was nice just wandering, but my feet were starting to hurt, so as we passed close to the porch, I pulled off my shoes and threw them toward the door. Immediately my feet felt better on the smooth flooring that had been placed on the ground. Nobody commented on that as we kept going.

We next found ourselves at the table holding all the regular drinks. Bottles of water and sodas sitting in bowls of ice. Josh whipped a bottle of water out of the ice fast enough to spray all of us with ice and drops of water. The yelp I made involuntarily was more than enough to make me feel the need to retaliate.

I picked up a stray ice cube and tossed it back at him. Of course, that started something as Zack dropped another stray cube down the back of Andrew's shirt, which gave Josh the same idea given his grin at me.

"Don't you dare." I warned him, but it was softened by the laugh I let escape. He palmed a few cubes and stepped forward. I stepped back quickly, but before I could get very far, Zack got him for me. Dropping ice down the back of his pants.

That prompted a chase. I grabbed my own handful of ice as I darted after Josh chasing Zack. We darted between tables and dodged around people. As far as I knew, nobody seemed too bothered by us running by them.

Josh caught Zack not long into the chase, just toward the back of the group, but I caught Josh at the same time. Knocking into him, and shoving my handful of half-melted ice into his face.

He rounded to catch me, and I jumped back.

The floor was a little more slippery than I thought, and my bare foot slid just wrong enough to make me lose my balance and bump into someone behind me. I was caught, of course, but embarrassed as I turned to look at the kid I'd bumped into. If only to apologize, but his grin was very kind and understanding. It only then registered to me how warm his hands had been on my upper arms. I'd never felt skin that warm before.

He was pretty tall. His skin a darker tan color, and his smile reached all the way to his brown eyes. The instinct I had to fear anyone bigger than me was squashed before it could even get going, just by his smile.

"Whoa." He laughed. "Careful. You okay?"

"Yeah." I laughed in return. "Sorry."

"No worries." He assured me easily. "Hey, you're Leandra, right?" I nodded. "I've heard a lot about you."

"You have?" I asked, still embarrassed.

"Yeah." He replied. "I'm Seth." When I drew a blank, he laughed. "I'm a friend of Jake's." That name I recognized.

"Oh." I muttered, taking a step back. "I don't really like him that much."

"He knows." Seth laughed. "Don't worry. I'm a lot nicer than he is." I could tell. "I'm glad I could finally meet you."

"If you're really nicer than Jake, it's nice to meet you too." I replied. "Tell Jake he's still an ass."

"I heard about what he said to you." Seth replied apologetically. "So I can't help agreeing with you a little bit. That wasn't very nice of him."

I was quiet, glancing back at the boys. I looked forward again in time to see Seth looking at them as well, his smile fading ever-so-slightly. The ice fight had continued while I was distracted, but Andrew stood further to the side, just watching.

I wouldn't have minded continuing to talk to Seth, but the activity had changed behind us, and everyone was taking seats.

"Speech time." Seth informed me. "It was nice talking to you."

"Yeah." I smiled. "You too." He was nice enough.

"Quick question." He said before I could turn to walk away. "Who's your friend?"

"Which one?" I asked, looking back at the boys. "The one standing there is Andrew. The one with his face in the dirt is Zack, and the one sitting on Zack is his brother Josh."

He nodded a little. "Just curious." I smiled in response. That seemed to be enough to satisfy his curiosity, so I nodded and walked away. He didn't call me back so I was sure it was fine.

All four of us chose a table in the very back. Mostly out of the way. Unfortunately, I couldn't concentrate directly on what they were saying, because Josh and Zack got into a mini paper-throwing war. Their ammo of choice being a paper napkin torn to bits and rolled into little pellets.

Of course, they had to include me.

"Stop." I whispered in a laugh, flicking one of their bits back at them. "I'm _trying_ to pay attention."

Of course, another hit my cheek from Josh, and I openly flung it back at him. I couldn't stop laughing now if I tried. The best I could do was keep it quiet, laughing harder than I had in awhile. Eventually, Andrew joined in as well. On my team.

Paper pellets flew for quite some time, and I had no idea what all was said during the speeches. The final straw for my self control was when a pellet I'd flicked bounced off Josh's forehead and landed in some lady's purse at the next table up.

We all snorted in laughter and vacated the table. Ducking away from the scene of the crime, and off to an area where it'd be less obvious that we couldn't breathe around our laughter. More toward the house, further from everyone else. It was darker over here.

"You guys are so rude." I gasped, my voice shaking with the laughs I was trying to hold back.

"Us?" Josh laughed incredulously. "You're the one that hit me in the face."

"I was trying to pay attention." I shoved him.

"Okay," He laughed. "Okay. You're right. I'm so sorry."

"You should be." I shoved him a little. "That was like.. Super important."

Looking to Andrew, watching him smile a little, shaking his head at the ground, I couldn't help it. Once again, my focus was on how quiet Andrew had been all night.

"Andrew." I said, and he looked up. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I had a feeling that if I didn't ask, I'd regret it later. He didn't seem sad or anything. Just quiet. I knew asking him in front of anyone else would ensure he lied, so talking to him alone was the best way to go.

"Yeah." He said, surprised. "Sure."

"Stay here, guys. We'll be right back." I told Josh, and he nodded. I turned, leading Andrew toward the trees. I had to step carefully over the foliage and rocks on the ground, but I was okay.

When we were far enough away that I was sure we could talk without Josh or Zack hearing, I turned and looked at him. I could barely see him in the dark trees, but I could tell he was curious.

"Okay." I mumbled. "Spill it."

"Spill what?" He laughed a little.

"What's wrong?" I pressed. "You've been so quiet all day, and I wanna know why."

"Nothing's wrong." He replied. "I'm just a little tired."

"So tell me about that then."

"It's nothing." He laughed again. "I'm just tired. My grandma's coming to visit tomorrow." Oh.

"Is that bad?"

"No." He replied honestly. "It's been awhile since I've seen her, but my dad gave me a mile long chore list. He got the big chores, but I was cleaning all day before I came here. He said he doesn't want her to see how messy the house can get."

"How come it's been awhile?" I asked, curiously. I knew he was being honest, so I let him continue.

"She doesn't like leaving the reservation." He explained. "She never does. My dad's been so busy, we haven't been to visit her lately." How did I not know he had a grandma living so close?

"Oh." I muttered, nodding. "Okay. I was just a little worried." He smiled.

"Don't worry." He said. "I'm okay. If it was anything huge, I'd tell you." I sighed, accepting that, but I couldn't resist asking. I nudged him a little.

"How come you never told me about your grandma?"

"I dunno." He replied. "It just never came up, I guess. It's not like it's a secret. She's just my mom's mom."

"And she lives on the reservation?"

"Yep." He nodded. "Been there all her life. Her and my grandpa. My mom was born and raised there, and I was born there too. We moved to Forks after my mom first got sick. It was just easier to be closer to the hospital."

"I've never been there." I laughed a little. "I was born here."

"You should go sometime." He smiled as we started walking. "It's so pretty there." I felt a lot better knowing he wasn't upset.

Looking closer at him, I could see it. In the dark brown of his hair, and the dark brown of his eyes. I'd assumed he'd gotten his features from his dad, but finding this out about his mother, I realized that wasn't the case.

I'd just never really noticed the subtle difference of his skin color compared to mine. I always thought he'd just somehow spent more time in the sun than I did. Now that I knew it was there, I could see it.

We left the trees, and to my surprise, Edward was standing there talking to Josh, looking my way as I neared.

"Hey." I smiled. "Where's Bella?"

"Talking to an old friend." Edward answered. "I thought I'd give her some time." I nodded, understanding now. "I was just talking to your friends here."

"Don't do that." I laughed. "They'll drive you nuts."

"No." Zack replied. "We only do that to you."

"Well, you're really good at it." I countered, and he grinned.

"It's a talent." Josh grinned as well.

Edward's attention was suddenly taken by something around the side of the house, and his smile faded quite a bit in an instant.

"Please excuse me." Edward muttered quickly.

"No problem." Josh told him. "Nice talking to you."

We returned to the table and got right back to our paper pellet war, and we laughed freely now. No longer having to be quiet. However, after a well timed teasing comment, Josh led yet another chase through the group of guests. Even barefoot, I still trailed right behind him. I was having fun, though. Not really mad.

"Hey." Emmett caught me on the third round through the group. Plucking me right off my feet and holding me up easily. "Slow down there, shorty."

"He's escaping." I panted, attempting to catch my breath. "I need to hit him." He smiled, knowing I wasn't serious and letting me back down onto my feet with a chuckle. I instantly took off after him, barely managing to avoid running into Zack as he ran by me.

The chase ended by Josh tripping over the leg of a chair, hitting the floor and sliding a little.

I couldn't run anymore, laughing too hard at just the way it looked. I couldn't breathe enough to stand up straight, much less ask him if he was okay. He was laughing just as hard as I was, so I assumed he was fine. I helped him up since Zack was doubled over in laughter and Andrew was nearly the same way.

I needed to take a minute so I pushed Josh at a chair before landing in another. Andrew and Zack followed suit.

"Oh god." Zack laughed after we had a chance to calm down a little. "I thought I was gonna puke."

"Do it that way." I pointed toward Andrew without even realizing it.

"Hey!" Andrew whined, and that only restarted our laughing. I was nearly in tears, which had never happened to me before.

My deep yawn in the following few silent minutes told me exactly how late it was getting. I hated that the night would end soon, but even the best nights couldn't last forever.

"You should come over tomorrow." Andrew told me. "I mean, if it's okay. I know my grandma would wanna meet you."

"You have a grandma?" Zack asked, looking over at him. Apparently, I wasn't the only one that didn't know. Andrew ignored that.

"I'll ask." I replied, and he nodded.

They got to stay long enough to see Edward and Bella off, and a few minutes later, everyone else had to leave. It was already really late, and I had to admit I was pretty eager to get my butt to bed. I hugged them all this time, more grateful than I could ever describe that they came.

They made tonight a lot better, just by being themselves and making it impossible to linger in one spot very long, much less stay stuck in my mind. I hardly felt the anxiety over the many people that attended this little party.

My dad left a few minutes after the boys and their parents, and this time, he didn't even pretend to want to drive home tonight. He was staying the night in town. There was no way he couldn't, with both girls already fast asleep. He hugged me the best he could with Lily sleeping in his arms, and soon enough, he was gone as well.

With my commitments gone, I let Esme know I was going inside, and I was asleep minutes later.

 **A/N: I liked this chapter. Believe it or not, I kinda like Leandra lol I like it when she's happy. It also makes my job easier in a way.  
A few developments in this chapter. I'm not disappointed with how it turned out, though. It helps shape a good bit of the story.  
** **Chapter seven might take a bit. I have some things I need to catch up on in RL, like sleep and mentally preparing for the coming holidays. I just have to regather my thoughts, and seven will probably be out sometime within the next couple of days. No more than a week. ;)  
** **ANYHOO! THANK YOU! To my reviewers. Your awesomeness astounds me! I really look forward to reading what you guys think. :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I knew the second I woke up that night that something was wrong.

I still had no memory of a dream, or even tossing or turning, but I was suddenly upright and waking up. I denied it. I didn't want that, but I was up.

I wasn't panicking, or even really that scared. I wasn't upset or sad, but I was anxious. Edgy. It was almost like the same sense of anticipation I always felt when I was stuck in a dark room. That sense that anything can happen.

But my room was just as dimly lit as it always was, and it was enough to wake me up. My heart fluttered, my stomach felt knotted, but again, I wasn't freaking out, so nobody felt the need to come into my room.

I took a few deep breaths, and laid back down. Thankfully, that was the only time I woke up. I barely remembered it the next morning, but I definitely did remember it. I knew they'd want answers to what happened the day before.

I felt sick, though. Too warm to be hungry. That edginess was still there.

I sat there at the dining room table somewhere just before breakfast, my hands around a warm cup of tea. I heard the words Carlisle didn't say as he and Esme sat across from me. Jasper and Alice standing behind them.

I knew they heard it, the nervousness in my heartbeat, but I didn't have much of an explanation.

"I woke up last night." I finally admitted, glancing up.

"We know." Carlisle replied with a sigh.

"But I don't know why." I added quietly. "I wasn't scared or anything. I don't remember dreaming, but I woke up."

"The fact that you woke up after what happened yesterday tells me there's more to it that we need to be prepared for." Alice told me.

"What happened?" Jasper pressed lightly. I was hesitant to answer that. I didn't know what was supposedly going to happen, but I did know who that feeling was about.

"I haven't seen anything going wrong." Alice added. "So I'm curious."

"It wasn't the boys you had to be worried about." I admitted with a sigh, finally looking to Jasper. "I think it was them. Edward and Bella."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jasper asked, and I shrugged a little bit.

"I thought Alice would say something if it was anything to worry about." I answered. "All I know, is as soon as they turned around, I knew something was going to happen. I still do."

"And you let them leave?" Jasper asked, and I looked down.

"It wasn't that kinda worry." I replied, defensive. "There's so many different ways to worry, remember? If it was anything like that, it would be different."

"I'll keep an eye out." Alice assured me, noticing how I felt. "It's okay, Leandra. You're still learning. Just.. Next time you have a feeling like this, I want you to tell us everything you know about it. It's going to be pretty touch and go until you get the hang of it, and until we learn what your gift entails, but we'll figure it out."

"Do you think it's possible she can see things you can't?" Esme asked quietly.

"It's definitely possible." Alice replied easily. "It's happened before, with her mother."

Esme sighed. "I don't like not knowing the things she sees. That's very dangerous."

I kept my eyes down.

"I agree." Jasper said. "I don't like it. Especially considering Alice gets visions of some not-so-pleasant things that are easily prevented. In her condition, that's not the best situation for her to be in."

"I doubt she would have started developing it if she wasn't ready for it." Alice countered gently. "It just takes practice, and we'll have to learn to deal with it as it happens."

I liked that idea. It made things less overwhelming.

"Shorty will be fine." Emmett joined us in the dining room. Plopping down in the seat beside me. "She's tough."

"She is tough." Jasper allowed. "But she has the potential to see things we don't, and I don't know the first thing about stopping it."

"She always has." Emmett countered. "Have some faith in her. Look at her. She's fine. We've seen her a hell of a lot closer to her lowest. If the shit Jack-ass put her through wasn't enough to keep her down, I think she'll be alright."

"Just in case, I'd like to stay vigilant." Carlisle spoke again. "We need to be available to her at all times, in case a single detail somehow makes it through."

"If it's enough to disrupt her sleep after so long, it's enough to do our best to prepare for." Esme agreed.

I wasn't sure I liked the way they talked about me like I wasn't there, but then again, I didn't have much to add. It was just nice to know they had some kind of plan.

"Leandra." I looked over at Carlisle. "I want to know any information that can help us." I nodded instantly.

"I'll try." I sighed. "It was probably nothing, though."

"Any information." He insisted.

"Okay." I replied, but I was determined not to lose everything I'd made for myself in the last few weeks. In the next breath I took, I spoke again. "Can I go over to Andrew's house today? He wants me to meet his grandma."

They took a few seconds.

"Is that a good idea right now?" Jasper asked hesitantly.

"Chaining her up isn't gonna help her figure anything out." Emmett pointed out.

"He's right." Alice said next. "She's more likely to think straight if she's relaxed. I think it'll be alright."

"Not overnight." Carlisle told me, and I shook my head.

"Just for awhile." I promised. "I probably won't wanna stay that long."

He still seemed hesitant to let me go. I couldn't exactly blame him.

"I'll pick you up at three." He finally said, and I nodded. I agreed to that easily.

He called ahead, and got permission from Richard first before any promises were made to me. I was glad he did that because it made it less awkward for me and ensured I didn't have to just show up.

Carlisle insisted on being the one to drop me off. I didn't mind that either, so I accepted the ride to Andrew's house around ten that morning.

The front door opened before I even reached it, and Andrew came bounding out. I could instantly tell that he was happy. Anyone that could make him happy just by showing up had to be a good person.

As soon as Andrew reached my side, I looked to Carlisle waiting there. He saw that I'd be okay, and drove off.

I smiled at Andrew in return as he met me at the bottom of the porch steps, greeting me with a huff. "Hi."

"Hi." I replied with a little laugh. "You're in a good mood."

"Yeah, you're finally here." He pointed out as if it were obvious. It must have meant a lot to him that I was here. He laughed again and led the way into the house.

The first person I spotted when we walked into the living room was Richard seated on the sofa. In the chair sat a woman. He looked up, bringing the woman's attention to me. She stood up with a smile.

She was an older woman, with very long salt-and-pepper colored hair. She didn't look that old, maybe mid-fifties, but the few lines on her face told me she had seen a lot in her life.

The second thing I noticed about her was her open expression. Her warm smile seemed just as warm as the sun, and I immediately liked her. I could easily tell that she was a good person. Her skin was a little lighter than I was used to seeing on people from the reservation, but her face had the features.

"You must be Leandra." She approached slowly, probably as not to make me nervous. She was warmer, more open than even Heather was. She seemed overjoyed to meet me, greeting me with as much enthusiasm as anyone would greet a long lost loved one.

"Hi." I muttered, a bit unsure. She laughed warmly, the sound as comforting as her features were.

"Andrew has told me so much about you, sweetheart." She smiled. "Call me Denise." I offered my hand first, unable to help returning her smile. I was already really liking her. I looked over at Andrew, and his knowing smile told me he understood. He'd been right. He knew I'd like her.

"Oh." Denise laughed. "Please, come sit down. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" I spluttered a bit at her questions, laughing as she gestured to open spot on the sofa beside Richard.

She was pretty friendly. A little overwhelmingly friendly, but it wasn't in a bad way.

"I'm fine." I laughed again as I sat down. "Thank you, though."

"I'm so glad Andrew finally let me meet you." She sat back down as well as Andrew sat to my other side. "I was always so disappointed when he never had many friends."

"That's kinda what made us friends." I smiled over at him, hoping to ease the sting of that slightly embarrassing comment. "I didn't either."

Which was true. I'd hated every second of school, but Andrew made it easier. Even in the beginning when I wasn't very fond of him either.

"Well, you're beautiful." She said. "Just beautiful." She gave compliments like it was the easiest thing in the world, and weirdly, I didn't feel awkward when she said them. "So tell me a little bit about you, baby doll."

"Um.." I hesitated, looking over at Andrew. I really wasn't sure where to start. I wasn't the best at answering questions like this. There wasn't much to me.

"Andrew tells me you were recently adopted?" She prompted.

"I didn't tell her why." Andrew murmured in his defense. I wasn't upset with him. I let him know that with a small smile.

"Yeah." I replied to Denise. "A few months ago. I got pretty lucky when I found my family."

"I'm so glad it worked out." She nodded. "Don't worry, sweetie. I'm not going to pry. That would be weird." I laughed a little.

"The Cullens have helped her a lot." Andrew added for me, and she actually fell quiet for several seconds. Looking over at him.

"Cullens, you say?" She asked, and there was a tension there I knew she tried to hide. He must never have mentioned their name before, but that didn't explain her reaction much.

"Yeah." He replied, and like me, he seemed to notice her reaction.

"Carlisle took me in when I didn't have anywhere else to go."

"I wasn't aware they were taking in children." She forced a smile. "Well, that's.. That's just.. Wonderful."

"You know them?" I asked, mostly curious to know why she felt this way.

"Oh, I've heard of them." She replied gently. "They have something of a reputation on the reservation."

"If it's a bad one, it's not true." I said, and she forced another smile.

"No, no." She murmured. "I never meant to imply-"

"You got worried when Andrew said their name." I pointed out. "It's okay, but I hope you'll meet them before you believe any kinda rumors."

"Leandra has a reputation here, too." Andrew explained for me with a small laugh. "Even though hers is a little bit earned."

"A bad one, I'm assuming?" She asked. "Oh, dear. I do apologize. You're absolutely right. I shouldn't assume anything about anyone before personally meeting them." I nodded.

But what kind of reputation could they have? It seemed like Andrew wondered the same thing as I looked over at him.

"So what was it?" I asked quietly.

"A disagreement a long time ago." She answered. "But I'm sure it's only a rumor."

I wasn't satisfied with that answer, but I let it go.

"Grandma," Andrew spoke up. "Do you think Leandra can come with us?"

She smiled. "Well, I don't see why not."

"Come with you?" I asked, looking over at him.

"My grandma needs to go back to her house to get something." Andrew explained. "And I wanted to go too."

"I don't think I should." I replied hesitantly. "At least not without asking first." That would be stupid.

"It's alright, honey." She laughed. "I'll just run home and come right back. Andrew, you can stay here with your friend."

Andrew's disappointment was clear in his whine, and I immediately bent that rule. I hated letting him down, and I wanted him to be happy. It was the least I could do, and I'd deal with whatever scolding I got for running off again without permission if it meant making him happy.

"Well, if you'll be coming right back, I guess I can just go." I quickly said. "I think it'll be okay. As long as I'm back before three, when I need to go home."

That was all the agreement Andrew needed, standing up.

"Oh, I see he's ready to go now." Denise laughed.

"I wanna have time to show her around a little." He said, and I had to admit. I was curious. My entire life was a long time to go without seeing a place a half hour away from where I grew up.

She laughed again and stood up as well.

Andrew followed her out the door, and I followed him. He sat in the back seat of Denise's car with me. It wasn't that long of a trip, which made it easier not to feel bad for just deciding to go. I comforted myself with the thought that I would be back before they even knew I had gone.

Denise's house was just an older, but regular home. On a regular street, a few minute walk from the beach. That was the first place he started leading me.

"Don't go too far." Denise called after us.

"We won't." Andrew called back, his hand clasping mine.

I really had to admit. It was so pretty here. Even though it was even smaller than Forks, it had even more of a homey feel to it. I'd only seen part of it so far, and I liked it.

We walked slowly along this mostly empty street. It was the safest way to the beach just a little ways away. I could hear it from where we were.

We hadn't made it very far when I jumped at a sudden arrival at my other side.

"Hey." I looked over and up at Seth. "I thought that was you." I wondered about his sanity. It was pretty chilly out today, and all he wore was a pair of shorts. No shoes, or shirt. How was he not cold?

"Where did you come from?" Andrew asked, surprised as well as he looked behind us for a source. I looked back as well, easily spotting the main street back in the other direction. I assumed he'd come from there when we rounded the end of his grandma's street, but it would take some serious skill to spot us from that far away.

I chose not to comment on that when I realized Andrew had never met him. Only I had.

"Andrew, this is Seth." I filled him in. "He was at the wedding last night."

"Oh, hi." Andrew laughed a little. He returned it.

"What brings you guys here?" Seth asked.

"His grandma." I replied. "He wanted to show me around really quick before we go back." Seth nodded.

"Well, mind if I hang out with you guys while you're here?" He asked easily. "I'm pretty bored." There was something more to it, and I picked that up.

"Sure." Andrew answered just as easily. "You can help me show her around." Seth laughed.

"I know all the best spots." He grinned. "But this is the long way."

"Well, we can't go through there." Andrew frowned a little, looking toward the trees. The only thing standing between us and the beach. We'd been trying to go around them.

"Sure you can." He said. "Just be careful where you step. Come on."

So we let him lead. Through the trees, down the somewhat steep rocky incline before we were suddenly at the beach. Driftwood littered the sand, but we got around that rather easily.

I'd never seen the ocean before. As long as I'd lived here, I'd never been close enough to see it, so this was a pretty neat little adventure. There were some high cliffs further out, but beyond that, there was nothing but ocean.

I knew we'd spent far too long exploring and looking at things along the beach. Climbing on rocks, just for the view and just because I could. Even without actually swimming, I was damp from head to toe just by the wind and ocean spray off the rocks.

"I seriously have to come back here." I laughed, shaking out my wet sleeve. We followed Seth from the beach, back the way we'd come. This time into the trees and up the incline. It was a bit harder to get up than it was to get down, especially while wet.

"Just let me know." Andrew offered. "I can bring you here whenever you want."

"Careful, guys." Seth brought our attention back to climbing. Right. Pay attention.

We made it back to the road without an issue, and to my surprise, Seth continued to follow us toward Denise's house. I didn't mind that. He'd shown us a pretty nice time while we were here, and he really didn't remind me of Jacob at all. What was a cool guy like Seth doing with a friend like Jacob?

"Uh-oh." Andrew's attention was caught by something up ahead. I spotted it too.

"Uh-oh." I repeated. Denise was at her car in the driveway, but her car's hood was up. The universal sign of car trouble.

"What's wrong, grandma?" Andrew asked as we approached.

"Oh, this darned old thing." She grumbled. "It throws a tantrum any time it gets a little cold."

"Let me see." Seth offered, stepping around the front of the car.

"If you guys are hungry, feel free to go inside to eat something and warm up a little bit." Denise told us. "It could be a minute."

That made me a little nervous. It could be a minute. How many minutes? I could have asked for a phone to call home, but it wasn't absolutely necessary yet. I wouldn't admit to running off until I absolutely had to. It was barely noon.

Warming up did sound nice, though, so I allowed Andrew to lead the way inside. The inside of her house was warm, but not overwhelming. It was calm and cozy. Some pictures hung on the walls, and I glanced at them as we walked by them.

"This is what she came back for." Andrew laughed, picking up an old photo album from the kitchen table. He flipped through it briefly before settling on one page in particular. He pointed to a picture, so I leaned over to look.

"That's my mom." He smiled a little, and I could barely believe it. She was beautiful, and in this photo, I could see exactly where Andrew got his smile from. Looking at this picture, and all the surrounding ones, I suddenly felt sad that I couldn't meet her.

I sat down while Andrew got to work gathering stuff for sandwiches.

"She's so pretty." I said, looking at him.

"I know." He replied. "We don't have that picture at home, and all the ones we do have, my dad keeps because he thinks it makes me sad to see them."

"Tell him to stop it." I muttered, looking back down at the album. "It's better to remember her than try to protect you by hiding her away."

He laughed, but didn't reply. I could sense his sadness from across the kitchen, but I knew I was right. I set the album to the side. Only long enough to throw my own sandwich together. I was a lot hungrier than I thought.

After that, we looked at more pictures, just to pass the time.

I'd already been here a few hours, and the longer it took, the closer I got to getting into trouble. They'd be mad, sure, but I hadn't gone far. I wasn't in any danger here.

By the time we went back outside to check on progress, I was surprised to see someone familiar leaning over the car's engine.

"Oh god." I snapped, and Jacob looked over at me. He smirked, looking back down at the car.

"I had to call him in." Seth admitted with a nervous laugh. "Sorry."

"So do those Cullens know you're here?" Jacob asked, and I hesitated.

"No." I finally muttered.

He snorted. "I'm sure they do." I didn't reply. "Maybe now they'll get what it's like to worry about someone they care so much about."

I pursed my lips, grumbled to myself and sat on a stump in the middle of the front yard. I might not have liked him much, but he had somehow helped with the newborns a few months back. I didn't want to give him a hard time.

But I didn't know what he meant by that.

"When was the last time the oil was changed in this thing?" Jacob asked, looking at Denise. Ignoring me.

And so we waited. It really did seem like Jacob was taking his time, but eventually, we were surprised to see Richard's car pulling up instead. It'd been a few hours by now, and the afternoon had been long.

He sighed as he stood from the car.

"I'll give you guys a few minutes." He said. "Leandra, your parents are quite upset. They asked me to come pick you up. I did what I could, but-"

"Nah." I said. "It's okay. I shouldn't have gone without asking first." Jacob snorted off to the side. Seth nudged him hard enough to make him drop his wrench. I looked over at him, annoyed now. "What?"

"It's freaking _weird_." He replied. He didn't go on, but he didn't need to. I knew what he was getting at.

"Okay." I snapped. I looked at Richard. "Give me a minute?" He nodded, seeing I needed it.

I walked over to Jacob and firmly grabbed his wrist. Immediately noting the temperature difference, I pulled him as hard as I could. He took the hint, and laughed, allowing me to pull him away.

Once we were far enough away, I faced him and glared hard.

"Whatever this thing is you have against my family, drop it." I snapped in a whisper this time.

"It's _weird_." He repeated. "Vampires _don't_ raise humans."

"Yeah, they do, because that's who I'm being raised by." I replied. "My family is more human than any human I've ever met. Especially more than you."

He scoffed again. "Do you even hear yourself?"

"Do _you_?" I countered. "You don't even know them. _I_ know them." He shook his head. "Emmett is my best friend and he keeps me safe. He catches me if I fall, but lets me keep going. Edward listens to me better than anyone I've ever talked to, and he helps me figure out what I'm doing wrong. Jasper and Alice are like my second parents.

"Esme is my mom, and _yes_ , Carlisle is my dad. I never once in my life thought I'd ever be able to say that about anyone. They're teaching me the things I was never taught. They're giving me a reason to still be around, and they gave me a chance to grow up. They're the only ones I have that don't look at me like a lost cause or like my past is written on my forehead. Until you actually get to know them, you have _no_ reason to talk, so shut _up_."

I shoved him roughly on that last word, much to his surprise. I wasn't interested in hearing anything he had to say to that, so I turned in an attempt to walk away. He gripped my arm and turned me back around. I yelped a little, but he wasn't hurting me. I'd just been startled.

"A _family_ doesn't do what they're doing." He hissed. "You're blinded by some false sense of heroism or something. I wouldn't be surprised if they were just keeping you to turn you later."

"Shut up." I snapped again, jerking my arm out of his hand.

"No, I'm serious." He said. "I don't know what it is about them that makes you and Bella so infatuated, but it's disgusting."

I jumped as Seth suddenly appeared at Jacob's side. Offering me a small, nervous smile as he pulled Jacob away a few steps. I was glad he did that, because I was fully prepared to punch Jacob in the mouth. Instead, I had some things I needed to say.

"You're disgusting." I barked after him. "I don't see you helping anyone."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Jacob argued in return. I looked at him around Seth when he decided to stand between Jacob and me.

"Neither do _you_." I replied as if Seth wasn't standing there. "I owe them my life. I don't know what your problem is, but I _really_ think you should work on that." With that, I turned again.

"Go home, Cullen." Jacob called after me. "You're trespassing."

Seth immediately spoke. "No she's not." He looked at me. "No you're not."

I glared back at Jacob, but this time, I managed to walk away. I hated the way my anger at him brought tears forward.

Andrew approached my side, concerned.

"What was that about?"

"I don't know." I replied shakily, taking deep breaths. My attempts to hide my emotion failed, and I was in tears before I could get into Richard's car. I was so mad. Andrew climbed into the back seat with me, closing the door after him.

Andrew apologized almost non-stop all the way back to Forks, and all the way back home. Richard was dropping me off at home, instead of making it harder.

I felt tired as I got out of the car. I wasn't sure when that had started, but I was so suddenly mentally and physically exhausted. I was sure it showed as I was met at the front door by Esme first and Carlisle behind her. I could tell just by looking at them that they had actually been worried.

Esme kneeled as soon as I approached, hugging me.

"You scared me half to death." She scolded. "Do you know how worried we were?"

I looked down. "I'm sorry."

The second Richard was gone, I was taken inside instantly, hardly given a chance to linger.

"I was fine." I was so confused at their urgency. "Couldn't Alice see that? Why are you so mad?"

"All I saw was you getting into a stranger's car, being taken somewhere, and your future disappeared." She answered tensely.

I didn't know what to say or ask first, sitting down.

"But I'm fine." I pointed out. "I was fine the whole time. Why would my future disappear when I'm fine?"

"I don't see the details and circumstances you do, Leandra." She replied. "Remember? When I can't see you, it worries us. You need to stay away from the reservation."

"Why?"

"Because we can't go there looking for you if you disappear again."

"I'm so confused." I sighed. "And it wasn't some stranger. Andrew was with me."

"That doesn't mean much." She countered. "Josh and Zack were with you the night you ran off to Seattle to get Jack." She had a point. "Just stay away from the reservation, Leandra. _Please_."

"Okay." I muttered. "But why can't you go there?"

"It's complicated, sweetheart." Esme answered before Alice could.

"Do you think this will upset things?" Emmett asked, still tense. "It does say if 'a Cullen' crosses lines.."

"Bella went there all the time." Alice pointed out.

"She wasn't officially a Cullen yet." Emmett countered. "She wasn't being raised by us, either."

"I don't believe it'll be an issue." Carlisle replied. "Sam was aware of her before, and knows she's human. He also knows we haven't exactly told her everything. I think he'll understand."

"Is that what Jacob meant?" I asked, somehow having forgotten until now. "He said I was trespassing, but Seth said I wasn't."

"You were with them?" Alice asked, and I nodded.

"They were there." I shrugged. "But Jacob pissed me off so bad. Why does he hate you guys so much?"

"Sore loser." Emmett answered first. It seemed like way more than that, but they clearly didn't want to tell me.

Shaking her head, Rosalie turned and headed up the stairs. I couldn't blame her much. That was exactly what I felt like doing. Esme followed her first, Emmett next.

"Can I go get a snack?" I asked, and Carlisle nodded with a sigh. I was still hungry, surprisingly not still full from the sandwich I had awhile ago.

I stood back up and left the room. Toward the kitchen. I grabbed an apple from the bowl sitting there, bringing it around to the counter. I pulled the smallest knife I could from its place in the block sitting there.

"Leandra." Jasper had followed me. "I know it seems like that rule doesn't make much sense, but trust me. It's for a good reason." I was quiet, making the first cut into the apple in front of me.

"Andrew's grandma said there was a disagreement a long time ago." I replied. "What happened? It's just a stupid rumor, right?"

"All Carlisle did was hunt on their land." Jasper assured me. "They didn't feel comfortable knowing there were vampires around, so they made an agreement with Carlisle that his family could stay in peace, as long as we respected the boundary of their land."

"But that doesn't say anything about why Alice couldn't see that I was perfectly fine." I shook my head. "I mean, you could just ask Seth. He was there right from the start."

"That actually explains a lot." Alice came wandering in.

"No it doesn't." I sighed, irritated. "What aren't you telling me? And why aren't you telling me it?"

"Sometimes, there are things I can't see." She said. "There are limitations on my ability, and sometimes, something.. Or _someone_.. Can get in the way."

"So.." I frowned. "Seth got in the way?"

"You could say that."

"Why didn't you just say that?"

I was agitated, it was true. I was frustrated, because there was something I wasn't understanding, and I wasn't being as careful as I clearly should have been with my task of cutting this apple.

I brought the knife down a whole lot harder than I meant to, slicing through the apple a lot faster than I had time to react to, catching the skin of my thumb as it slid forward. The sudden shock of pain made me drop the knife I was using, but it was already too late.

Before I could even fully process the feeling of my skin being split, a sound froze me still, sending ice through me at the very same time.

"No!"

I never wanted to hear that tone of Carlisle's voice again. I heard his shout the split second before my back hit the wall behind me. Off my feet, pinned there by solid stone clasping my upper arms.

I had only enough time to look into Jasper's intensely black, violent eyes, my heart pounding and my stomach turning in sudden terror.

Alice tried to back him down. I heard the urgency in her quiet murmurs, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I couldn't breathe, and I didn't even try. I literally felt my own heartbeat, and through the panic, I knew that Jasper heard it too. Alice was as ineffective as she would have been had she not even been there.

I hadn't even noticed Carlisle arrive, but he was there too.

Carlisle stood to Jasper's other side, the look on his face as terrifying as Jasper's was, but he wasn't looking at me. It took me another second to realize that the only reason I wasn't dead yet was because Carlisle had his arm stretched out firmly against Jasper's neck, stopping him from the side. He couldn't budge an inch.

But I was still stuck. It'd only been seconds, but I was still stuck.

"Jasper." I sobbed, unable to even cry. I couldn't even move enough to try to pry his hands open. I attempted to struggle, but I already knew I wasn't going anywhere.

Carlisle was muttering things to him that I couldn't hear over my own heartbeat. Of course, he could have been shouting them for all I could hear.

I quaked in his hands, and Carlisle's talk wasn't helping. Staring into Jasper's eyes, I could see as well as feel the war he was in the middle of, but he was losing. Carlisle was just strong enough to hold him back by himself. To keep him from reaching me, but pulling him away was a whole different thing. I could only imagine the amount of strength it took to keep him from me.

Alice was there, and she was still talking to him as well. She couldn't get to me from where she stood. He was blocking her, and he wasn't budging either.

His grip was hurting me so badly. I was literally inches from death, and I couldn't do anything. Instead of continuing to try getting away, though, I flattened myself back against the wall. Putting as much distance between me and his teeth as I could.

"Jasper." Carlisle's warning was angry, as was his growl of effort. To my shocked mind, I'd been here for hours, but it'd only been seconds. Not even half a minute.

Out of absolutely nowhere, everything on the counter hit the floor as Emmett literally leaped over it and tackled Jasper with all his weight. The floor thudded alarmingly as Emmett landed right on him. His knees firmly on his back, forcing him to the floor with a growl that matched the intensity of Jasper's anger.

I hadn't even made it to my feet after being dropped before Carlisle was wrapping me up into his arms, carrying me quickly passed Esme from the kitchen. Never in my entire time here had I ever been held so tightly or so protectively. By any of them, but that was a detail that didn't stick right then.

Through the suddenly closed door of his office upstairs, I still heard Jasper's fight. I couldn't help it. Covering my ears and hiding my face closer to Carlisle's chest, gasping out a sob as my tears finally caught up to me, and Carlisle sat down. Probably to hold me a little more securely, and so I could breathe easier.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to myself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I heard Carlisle reply firmly, but that was another thing that barely made it through.

I wasn't sure how long I stayed right where I was. Several minutes had passed since Jasper's growls had faded, but I knew Carlisle needed that time to calm down as much as I did. I felt the tension leave from his arms around me, just enough to notice. His chin eventually rested on the top of my head, probably in relief, given his sigh.

I eventually did uncover my ears but I kept my head down, hidden as I cried. By now, the fear had faded, but my guilt took its place.

"I'm sorry." I said a little louder. "I-I didn't know-"

"It's okay, Leandra." Carlisle insisted. "Please don't apologize."

"I keep messing up."

"I wasn't going to let anything happen to you." He told me. I knew that, but that was the problem. I didn't want to come between anyone.

He pulled me back just enough to carefully lift the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't need to look to know that my arm was bruising. The shape of Jasper's hand ached to the bone. There was no way I couldn't bruise, and the other arm was the same way. He sighed, releasing my sleeve and hugging me again.

I never wanted to admit it, but I was still terrified, and I could still hear the sound of Carlisle's panic. I was mostly scared by the fact that he was scared. Whether I realized it or not, I'd begun looking to Carlisle in an unsure situation. His reaction usually calmed my own, but today, he was terrified, and that told me to be.

"You were so scared." I whimpered. I wanted him to know I noticed. His arm had been the only thing keeping me from instant death. I knew that fact wasn't lost on him either. I'd faced death before. It wasn't fun, and it did things that no other scenario could.

"Of course I was." He replied after a few seconds. "I came so close to losing you, and that was unacceptable to me. Leandra, I would have done whatever it took."

I closed my eyes.

"I don't want that."

"Neither do I." He sighed. "Jasper is as much my son as you are my daughter."

I suddenly couldn't imagine how hard of a decision that would have been. Just trying made my tears restart. I reached up and hugged his neck, resting my cheek against his shoulder. He returned it just as tightly.

Honestly, as bad as the situation had been, I felt something in that hug that I probably never would have had it never happened. It reached a part of me I hadn't realized still existed until now. Allowing him to hold me like this reached the part of me that still needed this safety. The safety of hugging my father like I was. How could I ever have been so stupid?

Like something had moved aside, and let me feel it. Like it finally made sense. All the times I was so afraid of letting him down. This was all he was offering me, and I'd turned it down every time. No matter what I believed before, or how hard I fought it, this feeling mattered. Not only just as much as all the others, but probably even more than all the others.

It was this connection that I needed more than I needed anything else. To believe without a doubt that I was loved, and protected, but above everything else, to believe that I was safe.

I was just sorry it took this happening before I'd let it in. Even Jack couldn't make it happen, as stupid as that sounded. It took Jasper nearly killing me before I would let myself see it.

My emotion couldn't last. I eventually just rested there, fighting to catch my breath.

"I need to talk to him." I whimpered, but still, I didn't move.

"He may need some time." Carlisle replied gently. That made me so sad. I knew pretty much from the start that my being here was tempting fate. I'd been made fully aware of the risks and as terrified as I'd been today, I knew it hadn't been his fault.

I held on as Carlisle stood back up, lifting me with him. I took the hint, though, and allowed him to sit me on his desk while he gathered supplies. Within a minute, he had the blood covering my thumb and part of my hand cleared away enough to take a look at the cut that had started everything. It was big. Definitely more than a paper cut, but it wasn't even that bad. He covered it with a thick bandage.

"It wasn't his fault." I mumbled as he cleared the bandage wrapper.

"He may not see it that way." He sighed. "I'll talk to him." I nodded, allowing that.

"Tell him I'm sorry." I requested quietly. "Tell him I didn't mean to be so scared."

"Leandra, you had every right to be frightened." He said. "The situation certainly called for it."

"I know, but I don't want him to feel bad. He did everything he could."

"How do you know that?" I wasn't wrong, but he was curious.

"I saw it." I admitted. "He was trying so hard to stop himself, but he was hurting so bad. All he wanted was to make the pain stop." He still seemed surprised, so I explained. "I told you I'm good at reading people. I used to have to be. You can find out a lot about someone just by the look in their eyes, even when they can't look at you. That, and I remember what he told me when you guys came back. He said that.. Any little break in my skin makes you guys hurt worse than usual."

"How is it, after all this time, you still can't seem to understand how amazing you are?" He finally asked. I shrugged a little. "I mean it, Leandra. You say these things, and you take us all off guard. Anyone else in your situation wouldn't be nearly as understanding or forgiving."

"It's the least I can do." I replied easily. "I've been given so much here. I can't hold it against him, or any of you, for being who you are. It's not gonna be perfect and easy all the time. Sometimes crap happens, and sometimes, it's gonna be messy and really hard, but that doesn't mean that everything else is pointless. It just means I gotta be more careful, and he can't be so hard on himself when I do something stupid." I sat in silence for a few seconds before I went on. "I'm more worried about him right now than I am about me."

"Esme is talking with him." He assured me. "And I will as well." I nodded, but I hesitated.

"Before you go.." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down. "Can I have another hug?" I couldn't help asking. I wasn't ready for that to end yet. In response, he lifted me up into his arms again and I hugged him. As tightly as I could.

I couldn't help it. My heart broke as I held onto him.

"Does this mean you're gonna leave again?"

I hadn't realized yet how much that fear still existed, but just asking that question brought forward just as much fear as Jasper had. I was so scared that because I was stupid, I was going to lose them. Absolutely terrified.

He seemed to be reminded as well. My silent but trembling sobs only emphasized that fear. I kept them silent, but my whole body shook with them.

"No." He replied gently, but firmly. "No, Leandra. We're not going anywhere." I was so afraid to believe him. I hurt in the worst way at the memory, but this time, I wasn't letting him go. I held onto him so tight it hurt me, but I didn't care. I would hold on as tightly as I could for as long as I could. They'd need a crowbar to get me to let go.

But he wasn't trying to make me let go. He was holding onto me in return.

I didn't see Jasper again the rest of the day. I didn't see much of anyone. I did get a huge bear hug from Emmett, though. Just before bedtime.

"You scared the hell out of me, shorty." He told me. "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't paying attention." I whimpered into his shoulder. "It was my fault. I'm sorry." Stupidly, I started to cry.

I felt so horrible. One split second of time was enough to cause sickening guilt to crush me, and I just wanted a chance to apologize to Jasper. I'd never forget the pain I saw in his eyes, and knowing I caused it by one slip just made it worse.

I wasn't afraid anymore. It'd been explained to me over and over again, and by being told repeatedly, I'd had a chance to prepare myself. Just in case. It sure came in handy tonight when it came to understanding exactly what went wrong, but at the same time, it did nothing to prevent it.

That only got worse when I didn't see Jasper the entire next day either. Esme tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault either, but that wasn't how it felt. Nothing around the house really changed, except the knives were now kept up. I couldn't even use a butter knife until further notice. Scissors were off limits too. That was fair.

When I finally did see Jasper, the next morning, I hesitated in approaching him. He looked like he'd been beating himself up the entire time he'd spent away. Especially when he looked at me.

I knew he could feel just how heavily the guilt outweighed any fear I might have still had. Alice stood with him, beside the chair he sat in.

"I'm so sorry." I spoke first, and he looked down.

"Accidents happen, Leandra." He replied at the floor. "What happened wasn't your fault."

"I should have been more careful." I argued. "But I was mad-"

"Leandra, that doesn't matter." He nearly snapped. "It's my responsibility to stay in control at all times. With you, I can't afford not to be."

"You're still getting used to it, right? Just like me. What happened wasn't your fault either."

"It's not just about what happened." He replied, a little gentler. "It's about what could have happened, and the thoughts going through my head while I had you. I can't stand the thought. The way you felt, the emotions I was getting hit with, you were terrified." He shook his head.

"I couldn't help it." I admitted sadly. "But it's not all on you, and I'm not scared now." I knew he knew that. He was quiet so I went on. "I know what it's like to think things you don't wanna think, but I had to learn how to shut those up so they don't ruin things for me now." He looked at me. "Just means we try harder. Either we try harder, or you run away from it and nothing ever changes."

He finally took a breath.

"That cannot be allowed to happen again." He sighed. "Leandra, if Carlisle hadn't been exactly where he was-"

"I don't care." I mumbled.

"I do. I can't allow it."

Suddenly, I worried he was considering leaving the family.

"I'm only afraid you'll choose to run away." I admitted, and I knew he felt the way my heart broke again at just mentioning it. "I can't lose any of you guys again."

I looked down in the following silence, unable to properly hide the tears that refused to stay back. I honestly hadn't known how big of an issue this still was until I was faced with the possibility again.

I was more afraid of losing them than I was of losing my own life. My family had always worked perfectly when everyone was together. The thought of losing even a single one of them, for any reason, was impossible to comprehend.

"I suppose I don't have much choice, do I?" He finally sighed. I opened my mouth to reply, but all I could do was fight a sob.

"No." Alice replied for me. "We don't have a choice. There's no way we're leaving you, Leandra."

"Well, at least now we know what that feeling was all about." I looked over as Emmett walked into the room. He was wrong, but I didn't feel like arguing. I was actually afraid of bringing it up again. He smiled a little. "Cheer up, shorty. Like any of us could leave you."

I was trying to stop crying, but it wasn't working that well. Just the memory of what my life was like when they left me behind irritated the old wounds I still had, and I couldn't stop.

I just had to wait for the feeling to pass, so I looked back down, biting my lip in an attempt to stop its trembling.

"Do we have some unresolved feelings, shorty?" Emmett was the one to ask. Holding my breath for a few seconds, I sighed heavily and nodded. How could I not? Being abandoned that way was something I would probably never get over. He sighed as well. "We'll just need to work on that."

"I don't think it'll ever stop hurting." I mumbled when I could. "And I guess just thinking about it made it hurt again."

I didn't feel much better. I was hesitant to believe that everything was okay, but because of this, they now knew my priorities. How important they were to me, versus how important I was to myself. I would throw everything away if it meant I never had to face their absence again. Any of them.

"I know that what happened was bad." I added, my voice quieter. "But that doesn't scare me as much as losing someone. I'm more afraid of being alone, or making someone leaving than I am of dying."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that." Emmett assured me. "If Jasper tries to leave, I'll just drag him right back." I appreciated that. "Okay? So relax. None of us are going anywhere."

I took another, deeper breath and sighed it out with yet another nod.

"Now we have an even more pressing issue to talk about." He went on, and I looked over at him. "School."

I immediately groaned.

"Shorty, you've had the entire summer." He pointed out. "You're damn lucky they're even willing to let you come back."

Truthfully, that had been the longest summer of my life.

"I don't want to go back." I said. "I can't. Do you want everything to get bad again?"

"Hey." He frowned. "You're not a quitter, shorty. This isn't something you can just give up."

"He's right." Alice murmured from where she stood.

"I can't." I repeated. "Find another way, but I can't do that."

"What's worrying you about it?" Emmett asked, sitting down. I stood up.

"Oh gee, I don't know." I replied tensely. I crossed my arms insecurely. Something I hadn't had to do in quite awhile. I forced the sarcasm out of my voice as I spoke again. "I don't like hurting people."

"So don't."

"It's not that easy for me." I countered. "I'm not like them, remember? They know it, and I know it. Plus the more I hurt people, the worse it looks for you."

"You can learn." Emmett replied. "Come on, shorty. I know you can. Just try again."

"No I can't." I shook my head. "Please just find another way. I'm begging you."

I might have changed in so many ways during the summer, but I could feel that I was nowhere near being okay in that aspect. I just plain wasn't ready for that, and I probably never would be.

"Just a try." Emmett pressed, and I shook my head again.

"I won't." I changed my answer, but I was still quiet. "You can drag me out of bed, and you can even drag me there, but I'm not moving from where you put me."

I didn't miss the glance between Alice and Jasper.

"If you care about those humans at all, then keep me away from them." I muttered, sitting back down in a chair situated further away. I was literally drawing away, and I only realized it then, but I chose not to think about it. "I'm not safe."

"One week." I looked over at Esme's arrival in the room. "Give it a week, and if you still believe it's against your best interests, we can try plan 'B'."

"Can't I just try plan 'B' now?" I whimpered.

I rarely threw a fit about anything anymore. I rarely flat out refused to do something they asked of me. I'd done everything asked of me, including going to Jack's trial, and moving back in with my mom. I risked my own life to follow their lead, and I forgave them their mistakes, but this was something I'd always flat out refuse to do. That was probably why they were hesitant to push it harder, but I knew they were right. I had to at least try.

I needed to find normal again.

But what was my normal anymore?

Something was wrong. It wasn't what had happened with Jasper. It wasn't the fact that I'd upset them so much by going to the reservation. It wasn't even really the wedding. Something was wrong. Everything felt off. Like there was something moved or missing, but whatever that something was, it should be avoided.

I couldn't tell if it was me, or if it hadn't even happened yet, which was why I kept it to myself this time.

 **A/N: I'm SO sorry this chapter took so long. I'm so depressed lately. My stupid USB drive (holding every single back up of my earlier stories; including the two stories that would have followed this one) has died and I don't know how to get the stuff off there besides forking out $659 to get it recovered professionally. If anyone has any tips, it'd be appreciated. I've tried every Google option there is, but it's just not getting read by any computer I plug it into.  
** **I managed to save the back up I have of this story because it was open when the drive died. I got to save it to my desktop, so we're okay there, but everything else has been lost. It's a huge hit to me.  
** **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I apologize again if it seems choppy or jumpy in places. Eight might take a bit, but it'll come.  
** **THANK YOU to my awesome reviewers. I love you guys so much! THANK YOU!  
** **:'(**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

I hated just the thought of school.

I was there on Thursday for that first day, but I couldn't pry myself out of the car. We had arrived early, but not early enough for my taste, though. By the time we did get there, there were plenty of kids already there. I kept my eyes on that group milling around, and I honestly couldn't do it. My teeth were clenched in tension, but I had no idea.

"Leandra." Carlisle prompted me again, but I ignored him. Alice had been the one to drag me out of bed, and she got me dressed. She put me in the car.

I was now refusing to get out of the car. Just as I said I would. I wasn't moving unless someone moved me. Carlisle had volunteered to be the one to drop me off, but I also knew he wouldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do.

He sighed after several silent seconds. He stood from the car, and rounded it to my side. Opening my door for me.

I looked away.

"This is stupid." I grumbled, but still, I didn't budge.

"Just give it a try." He replied. "Please."

"No."

He knew as well as I did that I wouldn't make it through the day without a fight, and I'd be right back into the same boat I was when school ended for the summer.

"Leandra-"

"I'm not going!" I finally shouted, unable to help it. I was getting mad. Nobody was listening to me, but I fixed my tone. "Don't leave me here."

"Come on, Leandra." He gave me a supportive smile. "Let's go inside."

"Let's not." I replied. "Really. I just remembered that I'm sick. I don't feel that good. I have a cold. The flu. Pneumonia. I seriously think I might throw up." I whined. Continuing to sit there.

Conveniently, the parking area was right in view of the front playground to the right of the main building, which only made things worse. The large playground area was sectioned off by a tall chain-link fence, where all the other kids ran around. I didn't want to join those animals. Shoved in that cage with people I didn't know.

"I can't." I gasped. "I can't."

"Leandra-" I turned, crawling between the two front seats and scrambling into the back seat. I actually did start to cry. It surprised me too, but my tears were genuine. I knew that much. No part of these tears were made up.

"It won't be that bad." He spoke to me from the front, but that didn't help. "Leandra, breathe." I remembered to take a breath, but it was hard to.

He sighed, standing there and obviously thinking, but I just continued crying. I had to question myself, though. If I refused to move, would he move me? I couldn't help it. Each time I looked out the window to the playground, it just got harder to deal with, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't not look that direction.

"Come on out, Leandra." He tried again about a minute later, and I shook my head. He closed the front passenger door and opened the back passenger door, choosing to speak to me from there. "How did you always start school before?"

"That was different." I sobbed. "I'd get beaten if I didn't go." I actually wasn't trying to use that as a cop out, but hell, if it worked, why not? It didn't seem to sway him, though.

"You can do this, Leandra." He told me. "I know you can."

"No I can't." I turned away, flattening myself against the back driver's side door.

"Is it really this hard on you?" He asked, and I refused to answer. It really was. I jumped as I felt his hand find my wrist. He was going to move me. He wasn't holding tightly. I knew he was only trying to give me a boost, or a little tug of confidence, so I wasn't mad at him, but that wasn't going to work.

"No." I grumbled, yanking my wrist from his hand.

"Leandra, please." He sighed. "I'm asking you to give this a chance."

I looked over at him as my sobs squeezed tighter. That only made the pressure harder on me. It wasn't a choice I could make. I couldn't just decide to do something like this. Just the thought of leaving the car made me panic, keeping me stuck in place. The fear was impossible to fight through. How could I fight something that was impossible to fight?

"What are you so afraid of?" He asked, concerned now. "What is bothering you so badly?" I couldn't answer that. I couldn't even look at him. Shamefully keeping my crying eyes on my hands in my lap.

"Alright, Leandra." He murmured. "Just one step at a time, then. Just come out of the car. We won't go inside yet, but I think fresh air would help." I looked out the window again, spotting the few kids that had caught sight of us, shaking my head. Besides. I was trembling enough. Fresh air would only make me colder.

He sighed again. This was obviously hard on him too. I knew that, but I couldn't help it. He paused, hesitating a moment before pulling out his phone. His hand braced on the door, but he stood upright. No longer looking in at me.

I surprised myself by realizing I was considering running off. I was that wound up, that freaked out that I was considering running away. Maybe if I did, he'd take me seriously. Only the thought of leaving the safety of the car made me stay.

I'd gotten the attention of the animals behind the chain-link fence. It was my own stupid fault, I knew that, but leaving this car willingly was out of the question now. More than before.

My attention was taken by the two adults leaving the building up ahead, coming our direction. One woman and one man. As they reached us, I vaguely heard Carlisle explaining the situation quietly, but I was more concerned by the different man looking in at me as Carlisle moved away.

If Carlisle thought this was going to help, he was sadly mistaken. I flattened myself further against the door, glaring at at this man now, but it was hard to look tough when I couldn't stop crying. If any part of him reached for any part of me, I'd hurt him. His hands braced against his knees, though, as he bent low to look into the back seat at me, he smiled.

"Hi there." He spoke, but I stayed quiet. "Remember me? I'm Mr. Mitchell. The counselor here." Good for him. "I take it you don't want to come out of there?" Oh, _and_ he was observant. I remembered him. I'd been forced to visit his office once or twice before I was suspended.

I fidgeted a little, looking back down.

"Leandra, is it?" He spoke again, but I ignored him. "Believe me, I see kids like you all the time." What the hell was that supposed to mean? "Scared, nervous about their first day back. They always warm right up to being here. I promise." Well, I wasn't them.

"Come on." He smiled a friendly smile that didn't fool me. "Come on out. I can walk you through the day if you want."

I didn't want that. I wanted him to leave. He stood up briefly at over thirty seconds of my continued silence, looking and talking to Carlisle quietly. I strained, but couldn't hear what they were talking about.

At his distraction, I threw open the door behind me, scrambling out. I stood there for a moment, surprised into a yelp as Carlisle picked me up. Lifting me off my feet, and I easily caught on. That was a dirty trick. I glared at him, but his gaze was apologetic as he closed the door.

Knowing I'd want to get as far from that bastard as I could, he let him talk to me. The only way further from him was out the door, and picking me up made sure I couldn't get back into the car unless I fought him, which I really didn't want to do.

"There now." Mr. Mitchell stood back, shutting his door. "This isn't so bad, is it?" It was horrible, and his tone was pissing me off. By now, the group of kids at the fence had tripled. Many curious eyes on us, which I noticed immediately. That was only making it worse.

"How about we go inside?" Mr. Mitchell asked me. How about he goes straight to hell? "I think she's okay now. You can set her down, Mr. Cullen." Nope. I looked at Carlisle with 'Don't do it' in my eyes, but he did anyway.

The second I was on my feet, I jerked my hand from Carlisle's, and took off. Rounding, and darting across the street, much to the dislike of the driver of the car I was nearly hit by. Just as I figured, it wasn't hard for Carlisle to catch up to me. Even using human speed, it only took him seconds to catch me. Lifting me back off my feet, I actually did fight for a second, already in tears again.

My heart was pounding too hard as he returned to the sidewalk outside the school, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Mr. Cullen?" Zack's voice called out and was only getting closer. "What happened to her?"

Embarrassment closed my eyes for me. I didn't want Zack to see me like this.

"Zack." Carlisle spoke up. "Thank goodness you're here."

"That's the first time I've ever heard that." He laughed. "Is she okay?"

"She's having trouble adjusting to this." I assumed he gestured to the school.

"Oh," He seemed to understand. "Well, I don't blame her, really. I'd want to stay home all the time too, but shoot. If it's these butt-heads she's worried about, she's got nothing to be so scared of."

"Do you think you could perhaps talk to her?" Carlisle asked him.

"Sure." He replied easily. "But that's kind of hard to do when she won't even look at me." I tried to hold on as Carlisle moved to set me on my feet, but I couldn't. Eventually landing on my feet beside him. Sniffling hard, trying to make it seem like I hadn't just been sobbing. Andrew was there too, which I hadn't noticed before. He offered a small smile, but that didn't make this any easier.

I couldn't be as stubborn as I wanted to with these two here.

"Seriously." Zack went on. "Don't even worry. Just stay out of fights, and you'll be fine."

"It's the staying out of fights part that I can't do." I replied tearfully.

Needless to say, Carlisle got his way. Both Zack and Andrew led me inside where Carlisle had to talk to the principal. The same guy I'd cussed out enough to miss the last three weeks of school before.

Andrew was in my class, but so was a group of four girls I knew would be trouble. Especially considering one of those girls was Noel, the last one I'd fought with. The one that got most of the town against me.

The second that group saw me, a smile came to Noel's face that I didn't like. I hated being here more than I hated anything in a long time, and that smile didn't make me feel any more welcome. I could sense it. She was looking for a rematch.

Andrew realized my little problem instantly, and his nervous glances at me made me nervous. I knew my reputation had followed me, but even I didn't think it would be this fast.

I ignored them for the most part. In class, it was possible to ignore them. I made it until just after lunch. All through lunch, I'd grit my teeth and ignored their giggles and whispers. Andrew and Zack did their best to distract me, but I knew they could see it.

We were called back inside by a bell, but there was no real order to getting back inside. I did what I could to get inside first, because I knew I would be less tempted to listen to them, but that was proving difficult. Being in a rush to be first, along with half of the two sixth grade classes, only ensured I was stuck in the clog of kids trying to get through the door.

I was forced to stop as the rest of the people took their sweet time getting through the doorway. Long enough for that group of girls to catch up to me.

Their giggles right behind me pissed me off even more.

"See?" Noel laughed. "I knew it was all talk. She's trying to run away." My hair was pulled roughly, and the echoing giggle from the group really put me on edge.

I spun, slapping a hand away, much to their amusement. I was going to leave it there. I wanted to leave it there. I wanted to prove myself wrong.

Finally, I was about to make it through the door, when I felt a foot block my own. My foot hit that foot, a hand shoved me roughly, and I started to fall.

I knew this was going to happen. I'd told them.

I tried.

I'd given it my best effort.

But the second I felt that foot block my own, I was done. I caught my fall against the door frame beside me. I pushed off of it, spinning to face the bitch that had done it. Not at all surprised that it was Noel.

I punched her right in the middle of her face, but she was prepared. Hitting me right at the same time.

I wasn't expecting the amount of fight from her. Either that, or knowing I was breaking every rule given to me slowed me down, but it wasn't a very long fight. She got another good hit in right after mine, and the pain blinded me long enough for her to get one more in.

I was rather painfully acquainted with the top step of the building after that. I fought, but the dizziness suddenly there made it really hard to defend myself any other way than curling into a ball and shielding my head. The blows just kept coming, though, her friends joining in.

Through the chaos of pressing spectators, I heard Zack attempting to get through, but he was just as blocked as the teachers were.

It ended with me in tears because I was getting hurt, and there was nothing I could do about it.

After another minute, she was pulled off of me by a teacher, another teacher kneeling beside me. Even as I fought my way up. I knew a second after standing that it was probably a bad idea. The dizziness hit me a lot stronger, and I was back down. Hurting my wrist even more at attempting to catch my fall. My arm gave out with the pain in my wrist, and I hit my head yet again on the pavement under me.

Noel laughed the second I rolled to my butt, covering my bleeding nose, but making no move to get back up.

"Believe me now?" She sneered. "You finally lost a fight." I didn't bother replying, sitting upright and keeping my eyes down. I was too embarrassed at the fact that I was still crying to even look at her.

I wasn't surprised when Carlisle had to be called in. I sat in the nurse's office, but it was only to control the spread of blood while the parents were called. Noel was fine, sent to the principal's office instead.

I could only do so much.

Andrew came running in after only a minute of sitting there with my head tilted back, Zack right behind him. I had a feeling they weren't supposed to be there, but I sure wasn't complaining.

"Are you okay?" Andrew asked first, as he reached me first. I gave him a look, and his expression saddened. "We tried to get through, but nobody would move." I understood that, so I nodded as much as I could.

"I know." I mumbled, the gauze I held to my face muffling my voice.

"Your dad is out front talking to your teacher." Zack sighed, sitting next to me. "He looked pissed."

I winced. He was never pissed, but I knew he would be over this. I hated this feeling, but I knew the fighting wasn't over yet. Only on my part. I already knew he wouldn't believe me. Maybe he would if Zack and Andrew confirmed my story.

The door opened again, and I knew it was Carlisle. It wasn't a surprise that he was here so quickly since the hospital was only right up the street.

He walked over, and Zack stood back up to give him room.

I kept my eyes averted shamefully, but I couldn't lower my chin yet. At his urging, I righted my head, and allowed him to pull the gauze away. The bleeding had slowed significantly, but I was a complete mess. More than I usually was. I didn't dare lower my head enough to look down, but given how damp my shirt was, it had gotten away more than I thought.

My hand darted back up when I felt the familiar tickle of blood escaping.

"Leandra." He sighed, definitely frustrated as he gently tilted my head back again.

"She started it." I mumbled behind my hand. "I swear."

"She's right." Andrew muttered quietly. "Noel started it. I saw the whole thing."

"There was a rumor at lunch that Noel was going to fight her." Zack confirmed. "I didn't think it'd be today, but I don't think she thought it'd be today either."

"See?" I asked.

"Leandra, just stop." Carlisle corrected me firmly.

"I told you!" I finally shouted at him. I was still pretty angry, but it was hard to be tough with gauze pinned to the lower half my face.

"Not here." He corrected me again, and I shut up. Choosing only to sob a little.

"Really." Andrew pressed, and Carlisle looked over at him. "She was just trying to stand up for herself. Just.. This time, she lost."

"There are other ways to solve a problem." Carlisle replied. "I would like to think you two are better influences on my daughter, but condoning violence isn't the way to convince me."

"What's she supposed to do when there are four facing her that _do_ condone it?" Andrew asked. He was still quiet, still respectful, but I knew he had a point.

"Noel tripped her." Zack added.

"There are other ways." Carlisle repeated, looking at me now. "I've told you this. Many times."

I felt so stupid. I couldn't even walk straight, and I tried to ignore the double-vision I had. It wasn't hard for Carlisle to determine I had a concussion, which prompted a trip back to the hospital.

I was silent all through him signing papers. I was silent all through the exams at the hospital. I was silent, but on the inside, I was fuming. I was angry, and I was hurt that nobody would listen to me, and it was getting quite old that it was automatically my fault. My eye was already clearly black, and my vision was still a little blurry, but it was getting better.

I wasn't allowed Tylenol, or anything else for the pain I was in. I was told it could mask important symptoms of a worse brain injury and could potentially increase my chances of bleeding. So I just had to bear it.

I was given a different shirt to wear, and taken home in a continued mess of tears, but at least my nose was done bleeding.

I shoved passed Emmett on my way through the door. He looked down at me as I passed in my fury, seeming surprised. I was more pissed than I'd been in a long time, but unlike back then, I also recognized that hurt.

"That went well." Emmett commented sarcastically.

"Shut the fuck up!" I barked from the hallway. _Now_ wasn't the time to joke, and I was sure now he knew it.

"Go to your room and rest." Carlisle actually ordered me, and that actually just pissed me off even more.

I pushed my way into my room and slammed the door shut loudly. I wasn't going to lie down. I knew rest was badly needed for a concussion, but I was too worked up, so instead, I punched the door.

I hadn't felt anger like this before. At any point, but I was absolutely livid. I barely felt the pain in my hand, but I had enough sense to make myself stop at one.

I was pacing when my bedroom door opened again. I rounded to face Carlisle.

"I don't wanna see you." I snapped. "This is what made me hate everyone at my old school, and now you're doing it too."

"Doing what, Leandra?" He asked, probably just as irritated. "You've injured yourself by fighting on the first day of school."

"You just randomly _think_ it's my fault."

"What else am I supposed to think?"

"I'm _trying_." I argued loudly. "Just because that stupid fucking bitch tripped me- Wait. It's not like it fucking matters. Just go away. I don't wanna talk to you." I turned away, crossing the room to my window.

This one wasn't my fault. I was so mad at just everything, and I hated _everything_ , and I was finding it really hard to calm down. Again, I hated the tears that this anger brought forward. I curled upright on the ledge of my window, keeping my head turned away from him while I allowed a few sobs to escape.

I'd never been this mad at him before. I'd never told him to go away.

I forced myself to calm down, though. I really didn't want to fight with them. I still clearly remembered what happened the last time I lost my temper. I just wanted a chance to breathe on my own. To calm down and come to terms with the fact that I'd lost. Why was that so hard to deal with?

He was still there, though, so I did what I could to ignore him.

"You're right." He spoke a few minutes later. "You're right, Leandra. I apologize. Please tell me what happened."

I glanced over at him now seated on my bed. I had a choice. I could be stubborn and stay mad, or I could explain my side. I could give just enough.

"Just like Zack said." I mumbled. "I ignored her as long as I could, but I got trapped outside and they caught up to me. Noel tripped me, and I almost fell, but I turned around instead. I know it was stupid, but it doesn't even matter anyway. She was faster, so she's fine." I looked back out the window.

"My main concern is you." He replied before falling quiet. I fell quiet as well. I had my own accusations, but it wouldn't do any good to fling them at him. I'd calmed down enough to realize that.

He'd told me that he wasn't perfect. This must have been one of those times, but that didn't keep me from feeling hurt and let down.

"You won't be going back." He added quietly.

"Goodie." I grumbled. It didn't even matter much now. The damage was done.

I went to bed as soon as I was given the okay to do so. I should really have known better. I should have put it off as long as I could.

My rough day had to have been behind it.

I suffocated again while I slept. My heart pounded, my limbs numb in fear. It came out of nowhere, the sobbing, wordless plea that woke me up, just as much as Carlisle did. My clothes were damp in cold sweat, and the normal temperature of my room chilled me painfully.

I couldn't stand it. I knew it would happen eventually, but things had shifted back. I was no longer used to this amount of panic, and heartbreak only added onto that. I squeezed my eyes shut, sobbing loudly into my drawn up knees. There was no way humanly possible not to.

I remembered this, but it still felt brand new. I was shaking again. I was panicking again. It was real again, and it'd never stopped.

I didn't understand it. How could a fight at school drag me back down so completely? This was punishment enough, but the cause didn't matter that much. Even after so long of not having to face all of it, everything was still just as dark as I always remembered it, but for some reason, it was able to sneak up on me. Pulling me back into that water.

Once more, I was drowning. Complete with suffocating, scrambling to find some kind of air around the panic. There were no hands to pull me up. Nobody could reach me. There were no bandages that could cover the wounds Jack had left me with. There was nothing anyone could say that was louder than my memories. It wasn't words to me. It was a feeling. An emotion, a physical pain.

That physical pain reached deeper parts of me that shouldn't exist.

Jasper's help came, and I found that breath of air. I clutched to his help like a life raft. Begging it to be enough to pull me back out of that water completely, but it wasn't. It never was.

I sat back, away from the sad and concerned gazes of my family, and I ached. I felt the effects of that fight that afternoon. My head felt exactly like I'd been kicked by a mule, and the light was on.

"Okay." I finally decided to say something about it. "This hurts way more than what Jack did." I pointed to my head, my eyes squeezed shut.

Just like I thought it would, it brought Carlisle forward. Even with expecting it, though, I tensed as he sat beside me, an involuntary reaction. One I hadn't given in quite awhile. One he clearly noticed, but chose not to comment on.

"Where does it hurt?" He asked, and I pressed my palm to the top of my head first, then the back. He nodded, before reaching up and lightly pressing on the back of my neck. I knew he was just making sure nothing was hurt back there. He'd done it so many times before, and something I never had a problem with, but I ducked away this time.

I didn't have an explanation. I wasn't mad. I wasn't that scared anymore, either, but I moved away like I was. I didn't even know where to begin telling him why I did that, so I didn't try. I just looked down.

"Look at me, Leandra." He requested, and I took a second, but I did. I knew he wasn't just looking for signs of a head injury. I knew him well enough by now to know what he saw.

I knew he remembered what I told him about reading people's eyes. Then to look passed what that person was showing. He read the subtle changes in my expression, underneath the tears. Behind the tears, was uncertainty. Using this trick, he didn't need Edward around to know what I was thinking.

"I'm sorry." He finally told me sincerely. It was a heavy apology, and I felt it. There was more than one meaning in it, and I heard it.

"Me too." I mumbled, but just like his apology, there was more than one meaning in my reply.

I didn't do well after that. I tried one more time to sleep, but when it all started over, I was too upset with myself to try again. I was turning it inward again. The hate and blame I usually had for everyone else was turning on me again, and everyone else paid for it.

Of course this was nothing new, and I was long overdue for a bad day. I knew I wouldn't get away with ignoring that personal hell I put myself through for very long.

My head ached badly today, and though I could probably get away with taking something for the pain, I didn't.

The one thing that concerned them was the fact that I refused to talk this morning. I hadn't done that for very long before, but today, I didn't speak to them at all. I hardly looked at them when they were brave enough to visit me in my room. I kept my eyes away, or my head down.

I needed to take a minute. I'd been doing so well for so long, I needed to get reacquainted with this feeling. I needed to find my old familiar place at the bottom. I didn't feel like playing nice. I didn't feel like making up, so I didn't. I let that hang there. I let it get under my skin. As much as I knew I probably shouldn't, I did.

I embraced that hurt a lot easier than I should have. It was what I was used to.

Truthfully, I was reminded with those nightmares why I could never get away from it. Jack was never someone that just went away. He wasn't just a memory. He lived in the minds of people he tortured.

I felt foggy. I needed so badly to clear my head, but I didn't even know where to start. I eventually stood up without a word, and crawled out of my window.

No one stopped me because I wasn't going far. I didn't dare risk trying to climb, but I found a nice little spot on the far side of the base of the closest tree to sit and just think.

I always felt restless after a bad night. I was just looking for a spot to sit and nurse my wounds, but after too much sitting, I felt like I wasn't doing enough. So going outside gave that shame something to do. Being outside made me feel less closed in.

"Honey?"

Before I even realized it, evening had started to fall, and I was shivering cold.

I looked over at Esme standing beside me, not even hearing her approach. I numbly looked forward again. I was withdrawing, and I knew it, but there really wasn't much I could do about it.

Without a word, she sighed and sat beside me at the base of this tree, and hugged me into her side. I appreciated that.

"Are you hungry?" She eventually did ask. Not really. I was too busy hating myself. I didn't need to reply. All I did was look at her, and she understood. I wasn't ready to live again yet.

The most I did was return to my room. Surprisingly without hesitation. I curled up under my blanket, if only to get warm.

Of course I dreamed again that night. Of course I was swept up in that time of my life, and of course I couldn't get away from it that easily. It'd been too good to be true. Too good to last.

Their worry and concern bothered me. I knew I was slipping. I knew they knew it too. The more I was watched, the more restless I became. The fact that I still had yet to speak to any of them only added to that, but I didn't know what I could say that hadn't already been said a million times before.

I was scarred. Damaged, and the sooner they accepted that, the better for them.

Sometime just passed midnight, I crawled out of my window again. I needed to feel less closed in, and back behind the house was the perfect place to do that. It was cold, especially against my clammy skin, but it was better than sitting alone with my painful thoughts in my room.

I was still restless by the time morning came, but I still sat at the base of the tree. I couldn't really explain the way this felt. I knew it was all in my head, and I was only doing it to myself, but I couldn't stop. Something was in motion.

I was surprised when Andrew suddenly arrived at my side later that morning. I hadn't heard his arrival, so I was taken a little off guard, and I felt so stupid with tears down both cheeks.

"I wanted to see you." He mumbled, settling on the ground beside me. "I wanted to see how you're doing, but I guess not that good."

I really wasn't sure if my family had called him or if he actually came over on his own, but it didn't matter that much.

"There's something wrong with me." I finally spoke for the first time in two days.

"No." He replied. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're trying to tell yourself that the life you had before never happened. You used to be somewhere else before you came here."

I nodded, but looked down.

"It sucks, but you can't pretend that that part of your life never happened." He went on quietly. "You'll tear yourself apart trying to fill that gap with stuff that isn't supposed to be there. Nothing will make sense."

Curious, I looked over at him.

"At least that's what my dad says." He sighed. "He's worried about you too. He says people can't outrun their past for very long, and it always catches up. He's worried you're going to get into stuff you shouldn't, just to try to stay ahead of it."

"I'm not getting into anything." I mumbled.

"Not yet." He replied. "He means when you're older." I still shook my head. Just like before, I couldn't even think about that far ahead. The dark was hiding it.

"I'm not pretending it didn't happen." I finally commented. "I know it happened. All of it happened. I just can't figure out how to make it stop hurting me."

"Well, look at it this way." He said. "You lived through it."

"Not all of me." I admitted, looking back down, and he looked over at me. I closed my eyes. "I just wanna be okay. Why can something like a stupid fight do this to me? I hate this feeling so much."

He obviously didn't know that answer, but I didn't blame him.

He hugged me into his side, and I let him. I was glad he was the one that came over. I knew I wasn't able to hide this right now. A visit from Josh or Zack would have just made it harder.

"I know it's rough right now." He mumbled after a moment. "It'll get better."

But I didn't feel like it. I was confused. It was so familiar, but at the same time, I almost didn't recognize it. It was the same dark cloud, but it was different in some way.

I sincerely hoped this time was just like all the other times. Everything would suck for a few days, but would eventually even out. Just like always.

He left a few hours later, leaving me with my thoughts and more silence. Thoughts crossed my mind during those last few hours of daylight that I knew I shouldn't be having. I focused on the ground under my feet, so still on the outside, but inside, I was aching.

I felt like something was missing again.

"Alright, shorty." I jumped a little at Emmett's sudden arrival at my side. "Come on, up you get."

I shook my head at the ground, but he wasn't having that. He lightly took my arm and helped me to my feet. I didn't fight him, or even resist, brushing off my pajama shorts.

"First, you're going to eat something." He said, leaving no option. "While you're doing that, you're going to listen." I let him lead me back toward the house. I wanted so bad for him to get through to me like he always had.

He led me inside, and right for the kitchen. I wasn't surprised to find a plate of food already sitting there. I found Esme's concerned gaze next.

"Sit." Emmett suggested, so I did. Taking a breath, and sighing heavily. "I'm probably wrong, but if this is all about you losing that fight, sometimes you just have to accept-"

"That's not it." I mumbled, shaking my head. "I know. I can't win every fight."

"Okay?" He prompted, waiting for me to continue. "If that's not it, what is it?"

"I don't know." I replied, hesitantly lifting my fork. I had to admit, I was hungry.

"Don't clam up, shorty." He sat beside me. "Come on. What's bugging you?" I sat silently, but I did take a bite.

He was actually quite patient. I could only focus on one thing at a time, and eating was the one thing. I did feel a little better now that I'd eaten. A little less hollow, but I still felt cold.

"I don't know what it is." I finally mumbled after several minutes of complete silence. "I just.. Can't figure it out. I can't figure out why nobody listened to me. Nobody believed me. I know it's not a big deal to you, but it's a big deal to me. I wasn't ready."

"You've gotta see it from our side, shorty." He replied, and I looked over. "You're a little human. Socializing with other little humans is an important skill for you to have." I scoffed, so he nodded. "It's true. It helps you learn better ways to express emotion, and it helps you learn how to cope on your own, outside of your comfort zone. Everyone goes through it. It's not that we didn't believe you. We just knew that it's something you're eventually going to have to face, and get a little better at."

I didn't want to fight, but every word of his explanation just felt like a huge lie. They'd known right from the start that I wasn't like other humans. I was different. The steps and rules that applied to other humans wouldn't apply to me in the same way. I'd spent almost an entire year proving that to them.

"That's bullshit." I muttered, and he actually seemed surprised. "You knew I wasn't ready. I needed more time."

"How much more time?" He asked. "Please. When would have been a better time to practice? When you're thirty?"

"Never." I snapped a little.

"Exactly." He replied. "If you had it your way, you'd never even try. You're a human, shorty. You can't turn your back on what you are."

"You do." I pointed out sharply, looking over at him. "You're a vampire, pretending to be a human. Why can't I just not be a human? Why is that so damn wrong?"

"We're different." He said, shaking off his surprise.

"So am I!" I couldn't help shouting. Anger swelled in me, and I couldn't beat it back. I'd been stewing for days, and he was trying to give me lies and excuses, and it did nothing but fuel that flame.

Instead of continuing, though, I let that hang there, and I stood up. I didn't want to fight.

"Hold on, shorty." He stupidly followed me into the living room. I wasn't that surprised to see it crowded. Everyone, especially Jasper, knew when I wasn't okay anymore, and they tended to all want to be there when it all came loose.

I didn't look at them, though. I wanted to get to my room before I said anything else.

"Talk to me." He insisted, lightly taking my arm again before I could even reach the hall. I spun instead, yanking my arm out of his hand.

"You're supposed to be the ones on my side." I snapped up at him. "It's a big deal to me. Throwing me into the middle of a bunch of humans isn't going to make me human. No matter how bad you wish it would. There's no way you couldn't know that, because I _told_ you!"

"No matter how bad you wish you weren't, you _are_ human." Jasper piped up, bringing my attention to him. "It's a fact you're refusing to face."

"I'm facing it." I snapped at him this time. "You're the one trying to make me something I'm not. Yeah, I'm human, but I'm _different_."

"Your past doesn't make you different." His collected tone was only pissing me off more.

"Jack makes me different." I countered. "He's the one-"

"He's gone."

"If you think that matters, you haven't been paying attention at _all_."

"You're using it as an excuse." He shook his head.

I was finally mad enough to not have the words to express it. Instead, I just gave an angry growl and I attempted again to get to my room. This time, Rosalie was in my way. I attempted to step around her, but she countered.

Jasper spoke again. "I want to know the cause of your sudden tantrum."

"Tantrum?" I asked, rounding again to face him. "How come every time I feel something, it's a fucking tantrum?"

"Language, Leandra." Esme corrected quietly.

"What about it?" I shouted in her direction, instantly gaining everyone's full attention. Signified by their shocked expressions. I had never shouted at Esme before. Never. Not in the way I just had, and I honestly didn't mean to shout at her the way I just had. I clenched my fists and clenched my teeth.

"Fix it." Jasper demanded. "Now."

"I am the way I am because of Jack." I looked at him again. "You can't fix that! You can cover it all you want to, but you _can't_ fix me!"

"You're not broken."

"Yes I am!" I replied. "This is me! Nobody promised you I'd be easy to handle! You knew that! Right from the fucking start, you _knew_ what I am. Well, if you're sick of me, then just say it! I'm not here to waste your precious time!"

"You couldn't be more wrong." Carlisle spoke from beside Esme. "I promise-"

"Promises!" I shouted as loud as I could. "You promised I'd never have to do anything I didn't want to do, but.. _You_ made me go!"

"Within reason." Carlisle replied evenly. "I-"

"That's bullshit!"

"Language!" Jasper's voice wasn't quite a shout, but it was louder than mine. "You're out of line, Leandra." I turned my eyes back to him.

"Hitting me won't shut me up forever, Jasper!" I watched his eyes widen a little. "I know what I did was bad, but it's about damn time I start thinking about myself! Nobody else is! I'm fucking selfish. I'm mean, and I hate _every_ one. I'm so mad. So much, sometimes I can't breathe. I _can't_ get away from it, no matter what you do or what fucking school you throw me in. Jack is gone, but he's not, because I'm still here."

I needed to pause for a breath.

"I'll never be a good person." I went on. "That's the way I am. Don't try to change who I am, because I'll fight you every step of the fucking way!"

Nobody said a word at first. The silence was almost suffocating after the heat of my words. I stood there, staring at him from my spot by the wall. Defensive as I've ever been.

"Fine." Jasper finally spoke. "You want to act like a caged animal your entire life? I won't stand in your way." He stood there for a moment longer, and I half expected him to continue. I watched, glaring after him as Jasper turned instead, and left the room. Alice quickly scooting after him. The slamming of the front door had me look around again.

"Anything else?" I demanded, and I watched as Carlisle only shook his head. Also leaving the room. Much slower than Jasper had, but it made more of a statement.

"Shorty." Emmett murmured, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked. "You want to start in, too? I didn't ask to be this way, Emmett! I didn't even ask to be fucking born, so just lay the fuck off!"

I turned, storming toward my room. Before I could reach it, my arm was taken roughly. Almost yanking me to a stop. I was tired, and just wanted to be left alone, so I spun again, laying an open handed slap against Rosalie's cheek. She hadn't expected the action, which was the only way I managed to succeed at all. Although, I wasn't sure if that was succeeding. Only making things worse.

She was shocked, and I hid my pain well as I held her gaze unwaveringly. When she didn't let me go, I yanked my arm from her hand roughly, pushing her away from me the best I could. Emmett was suddenly there right as I turned, continuing on toward my room. Probably to hold her back.

"Holy shit, shorty. Are you crazy?" Emmett asked after me, but I didn't stop. Slamming the door as hard and loudly as I could, I locked with trembling fingers. Arguing out in the hallway told me Emmett was trying to calm her down.

"Fuck." I gasped as quietly, holding my hand to myself. It felt exactly like hitting a stone boulder as hard as I could with my bare hand. Pain throbbed ruthlessly up my entire arm into my shoulder, which told me how stupid of a move that really was. I gasped in quiet sobs of pain, finally making myself move away from the door.

I crossed the room before sitting on the floor, beside the other side of the bed, my back to the door. Holding my arm to myself, I clenched my teeth around the pain, forcing myself to keep breathing.

The longer I sat in there, the more I realized. Everything I'd said, the accusations I'd thrown couldn't be taken back. I cried, sure, but this time, I wouldn't try to take anything back.

Every word I'd shouted was exactly how I felt, so there was no reason to.

I was in there for a little under an hour. Now seated cross-legged on my bed, I continued to hold my hand to myself, thinking.

Forcing myself to breathe deeply, the pain in my hand reminding me how different I was compared to them. I'd never hurt myself hitting someone else before. Definitely not with just a slap.

After a few minutes, I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. Why did it seem so easy to lose it? I hated how quickly I could lose my temper.

With a sigh, I realized why I hated it so much. It reminded me too much of Jack.

The way I yelled, for something so stupid. Something that should have been common knowledge by now. How I could go from a little upset, to angry and yell very hurtful things really bothered me. Like Jasper had pointed out. Like a caged animal. How I could just turn on those I cared about most without a second thought, when just a few days ago, I was begging them to stay.

Looking down at my blanket, I wondered just how much Jack taught me. I already knew that I knew too much, but how deep did those lessons go?

It had been a problem before, and I realized it still was. I realized it was getting worse. I was getting meaner. Before it was more directed at humans and their stupidity. Now it was more and more being directed toward my family. I hated myself for it, but hating myself wasn't going to change it.

This was a problem.

A problem I had no idea how to go about fixing. It was as if the longer I was here, the less human I became. I knew that wasn't literally the case, and I knew that I was just as human as I always was, but how I acted didn't seem that way. I was mean, plain and simple. I always had been, and it didn't seem like such a problem before, but now it did. Now I was turning on my family. Now I was throwing things back at them just the way I hated having done to me. Now I was hitting them, just to get them away from me.

Why would I do that? I didn't want that. I never wanted that. I was pushing, shoving them away like they didn't mean anything to me.

I had meant every word I'd said, it was true, but I didn't have to yell it like that. I was slowly beginning to realize. It had dawned on me that what Jack had told me. The last conversation I had with him was proving true. I remembered his words, his tone of voice.

 _"You're not going to let it go. You know why? Because you'll always remember me. Every time you look at yourself. That hate is in you, little girl, and it'll always be there. I know, because I put it there."_

I hadn't paid his words much mind back then. I couldn't, through the fear, but I certainly did now because he was right. He was right, and I couldn't deny it anymore. I hadn't let it go. I couldn't let it go. Not when it was still hurting me to this day.

I'd left that life behind, the life of hatred and anger. I'd left it behind over a year and a half ago now, and yet, I was still learning from him. I was still being taught that hate, and how very, very easy it was to hurt the ones I loved. Whether I wanted to or not, I would. Unable to help it, unable to change.

I gave a quiet sob and lowered my head, my uninjured hand reaching up and knotting in my hair. I hated Jack. With every fiber of my being, and what he taught me was that it was impossible to let it go. I would always hate him until that hate ruined every part of my life.

That darkness was still in me. The same one Heather was telling me to accept, but I couldn't just accept it. In that darkness was everything I was afraid of, but I couldn't fight against the inside of my own mind. It was too strong.

I sat in my room and waited. I waited for the time when someone, probably Carlisle, would come in and tell me how horrible I was. Watching them walk away was painful at the time, but I hadn't stopped to think about that. The angry part of me was just glad they were leaving me alone.

I looked up at the door opening as if it'd never been locked. An hour before, I would have minded. It didn't surprise me that Carlisle came in alone. Not with how iffy I was today. He sighed, sitting on the side of the bed. I let him take my wrist and bring my hand to himself.

It was quiet for a minute or two as he looked over my hand, and he sighed again.

"Leandra, I know you were upset earlier." He told me. "But do you remember what I said about shouting things you didn't mean?"

"I meant them." I corrected quietly. "I meant every single word." He looked up, meeting my eyes.

"Let me explain something to you." He finally sighed, reaching beside himself to grab an ace wrap. "Just listen for a moment. Can you do that without interrupting me?" I nodded, letting him know I'd try. "You've fallen under the false impression that we somehow disapprove of the way you are." I bit my lip, wanting to interrupt, but I stayed quiet. Waiting for him to continue.

"But that's all it is. A very false impression. I can understand how you came to that conclusion, and I'm sorry. Jasper wasn't trying to make you feel bad, Leandra. He was trying so hard to help you. From the moment you met him, he's done nothing but try to help you."

I winced a little at a particularly painful wrap around my fingers, and I looked down.

"Luckily," He went on. "A family like ours doesn't stay together because we never fight. Quite the contrary. There are many things we just do not agree on. We have our disagreements, Leandra. We have our differences, but no matter what, we work it out. We _listen_ to the things not said just as closely as we listen to the things shouted."

I looked down, but I stayed quiet.

"And believe me, nobody wants you to remain yourself more than I do." He continued. "I'm not trying to change a thing about you, but your burden. No one here wants you to change, and we understand more than I think you know how a past can influence someone the rest of their lives, but overcoming the limits your mind sets for you is a skill is best learned through experience. One day, you'll understand what I mean. For now, all I ask is to just be patient with yourself."

He sighed, securing the wrap tightly and gently setting my hand back on my knee. He wasn't mad at me for yelling at them. I was surprised.

"You know better than most that setbacks happen." He said. "The path ahead isn't straight-forward, but one thing you can always count on, is that you're never alone. No matter what you do or even yell, you'll never be alone. Our one priority is you and your welfare, and that'll never change. You don't have to hold those things back until you explode. If something is bothering you, by all means. Talk about it. No matter what it is, you'll be heard."

I took a breath, and nodded as I sighed.

"Now." He sighed as well. "I want to address something you brought up before. You've always seen yourself as different than everyone else, but you've never really explained why that is."

"Well.." I mumbled hesitantly, but I paused. I didn't really know how to explain it. "I don't.. I don't really know. Before, when I was in school, I used to listen to them. The other kids. I never really got the things they talked about. Not just because I didn't understand, but.. In a different way."

"I think I understand." He nodded.

"I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too." I admitted, keeping my eyes down. I knew he was still listening. "Is it.. Weird that I don't even really know myself?"

"How do you mean?" He asked quietly.

"Like.. I'm just me. I know I'm me, but I don't know who I'm supposed to be." I explained. "I don't know that much about me."

He nodded again. "That's very common. After everything you've been through, it takes time to build a life for yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"You've never had a chance to become someone." He replied. "All you've ever been allowed to be is what Jack allowed you to be. You have your preferences, of course, and things you dislike, but that's as far as you've ever been allowed to know. You're just getting to know yourself as your own person, and that's a scary and confusing thing."

He was exactly right, and I easily realized that.

"Before you came to us, every bit of your personality was dictated or suppressed." He continued. "You take your life experiences, and that's what determines what kind of person you'll become on the other side. In your case, you feel like you don't know who you are without someone telling you who you are. It's easy to become discouraged and confused about things like this, because there's no real right or wrong way to develop and grow. You're just realizing that. Give it time."

"So I'm not weird?"

"Definitely not." He said. "You're doing quite well, even through these setbacks. Even on the days you don't believe you're strong enough to stand, just remember that it won't last." I was starting to see that too. My bad days felt endless, but after awhile, they did clear.

I was quiet for a second.

"I'm grounded, huh?" I asked hesitantly, and he smirked, amused.

"I don't think that would be helpful in this case." He replied after a second of thought. "In fact, I think restricting you has been the opposite of helpful."

I used to be able to come and go as often as I wanted. I used to be able to just leave and go to Andrew's house whenever I felt like going. That ended the day some older kids decided to take out some anger on me over the fights I used to get in at school.

I understood that completely, but I had to admit, I did miss that sense of freedom. I loved being able to go whenever I wanted. I loved just walking, going somewhere. We lived close enough to make it on foot to Andrew's house within twenty minutes, and there was something about being able to just decide to go.

"So I'm lifting that restriction." He went on with a sigh. That surprised me enough to look up at him quickly. "Nobody will attempt to stop you. I'm trying a new tactic with you, and I can only hope it goes the way I want it to. Just please.." He paused. "Please be careful. Wherever you go, be careful."

"Even after what I did at school?" I asked. I was confused. This was new, and most certainly unexpected.

"You were absolutely right, Leandra." He answered. "Forcing you to interact by sending you to school isn't helping you. I was mistaken. You're perfectly capable of finding your own way, and you were doing just fine in that aspect before we had to keep you home."

I met Josh and Zack pretty much on my own, by following Andrew to their house one day. On my own, I'd made two new friends. Not by being shoved at school.

"What we saw today scared me. It told me we're holding you too tight, and that isn't working." He looked down at me. "Holding too tight makes you fight too hard, and I don't like seeing that in you. So you may go, and all I'm asking is that you be careful."

That was a nice change. I was very appreciative of this decision, and I already felt lighter. I looked toward my bedroom door hesitantly, though.

"I think I'll stay for now."

"Why is that?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Because Rosalie is out there." I replied and he smirked again.

"And I'm waiting for an apology." I heard her call. I winced, looking at Carlisle nervously. I jumped a little at her sudden arrival in the doorway. Her arms crossed, looking less than happy about what I'd done.

"I'm sorry." I immediately said.

"It's now clear to me that you've got more bravery than brains, Leandra." She replied. "I won't hit you, because that's painful enough." She gestured to my hand. "Slapping me wasn't a smart idea, was it?" She was rubbing it in, but she had every right to. That was too far.

"I'm sorry." I said again, hoping that didn't piss her off. "I was just-"

"I know why you did it." She told me evenly. "Don't do it again. I won't be so nice next time, and hiding behind Carlisle won't save you." I nodded instantly, knowing she wasn't bluffing.

"It was her suggestion." Carlisle informed me. "To let you come and go."

"Just use your head." She snapped lightly. "It's not that hard."

"Thank you." I was shocked. Honestly surprised that she'd want to do anything nice for me at all. Especially after I hit her.

"It wasn't for your benefit." She replied. "Trust me. I just know what keeping you here would be like, and I'm tired of the fighting." She paused. "But if you get yourself into trouble, you have us behind you. Remember that. And if you ever somehow get further than Seattle alone, I'll skin you myself. Am I clear?"

"Seattle?" I asked, surprised. "How far do you think I'm going?"

"Save it." She told me. "After long enough around here, you're going to want to wander further. You'll get creative." She went to turn, but paused. "Just.. Come back now and then, alright? At least let us know you're still alive." Her impatience with me was a little funny, but I didn't dare laugh.

She left, and I looked up at Carlisle.

"This is weird." I admitted. "I'm not sure if I like it. It feels too much like you're giving me away."

"Not at all." He replied. "I'm just trying to do what's best by you." I looked down. "Taking past events into consideration, Rosalie is right. Confining you isn't the answer. If you're free to wander, I'm hoping it will give you the space you need to find yourself. Now that town is a little safer for you, I feel somewhat comfortable with letting you out on your own."

"So.." I mumbled hesitantly. "Nobody will follow me? I'll be all on my own?"

"You'll be on your own." He agreed. "As much as that worries me, I know it's what you need. Only two conditions." I waited. "Carry this with you." He pulled out a familiar cell phone from his pocket, and I smiled a little, hesitant to take it as I looked up at him. "Please? It'll make me feel better knowing you can call me at any time." I sighed, but reached up. Taking it from him.

"Never leave that here." He said, and I nodded. "And if you plan on leaving town for whatever reason, come see me before you go. So I can make sure you have money on you before you go. I don't want you stranded somewhere without a way to get lunch." I nodded again, appreciating it. I wasn't tempted to go anywhere besides Andrew's house, but he was only thinking ahead for me.

I hadn't expected this outcome. I thought I'd only ensured a longer grounding with my behavior. This was new. I never thought this fight would end in the proverbial leash being removed, but I wasn't complaining.

 **A/N: Okay. Time for excuses.  
This chapter is INSANELY overdue. Holidays have completely taken over my freaking house, and I've been attacked by the ever-hated writer's block. I really didn't want to just type out anything, and hope it was good. I'm still not entirely sure about this, but I needed to give you guys something. Even if it's filler. **  
**One of my AMAZING readers actually helped make this happen. He knows who he is, but I can't even express my gratitude for what he did for me. It's because of him, and someone dear to both of us, that I now have copies of the stories I completely lost when my flash drive died. So I can't thank him enough.**  
 **On that note, I will say THANK YOU to my AWESOME REVIEWERS! Each and every one of you mean so much to me! I look forward to your feedback after every chapter. I just hope I haven't lost you all because of how long this took to come out. :'(**  
 **Chapter nine (HOPEFULLY) won't take too long. With Christmas coming, which I have my own issues with, I hope I can at least focus on getting nine out before then. Sheesh lol I hate my mind sometimes.**  
 **Until Nine, my friends!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I didn't leave the house immediately. I waited until the idea seemed okay first.

The first place I went was Andrew's house the next day. Of course, I had to wait for school to be let out, but I was okay with that. I made double sure I had the phone in my pocket before I left, just to prove I could be trusted.

He seemed surprised to see me when I showed up, and I really had to admit, I loved the walk. It felt like forever since I'd gotten to take that walk by myself. It was even better than climbing trees.

"Hey." He smiled as soon as he saw it was me at the door. The next thing he did was glance behind me, looking for whoever had dropped me off.

"Just me." I said, watching as he stepped outside.

"They let you come here by yourself?" He was even more surprised by that. "What about Noel?"

"She got what she wanted." I sighed a little. "I don't think she'll care anymore."

"True." He winced. "I'm still sorry about that."

"Maybe it's better this way." I shrugged. "I wasn't really expecting to be let out again, but I'm not complaining. It was Rosalie's idea."

"She seems kinda mean."

"She's not mean." I smiled a little, sitting on the top step of the porch. He lowered to sit beside me. "I think I know how she feels. I got away with hitting her yesterday."

"No you didn't." He pointed to my wrapped hand. I looked down at it.

"I hit her pretty hard." I admitted. "But she wasn't even that mad about it. I mean, I'd never do it again, because it was stupid, but she wasn't mad."

He smirked. "Zack can't even get away with hitting Josh."

"Uh-uh." I smirked as well. "Josh would hit him back. Speaking of them, though, how are they doing?"

"Wanna go see them?" He offered, gesturing to the sidewalk.

"Sure." I nodded, and he stood up. Helping me stand up, as if he was worried about me. I had a feeling that it would be like that until my bruises faded.

We started up the walk together, and I didn't mind the slow pace.

"So how long are you allowed to be out?" He asked, probably curious.

"I have to be home before dark." I replied. "Just like all the times before. I'll probably spend all my time over here."

"You're not going back to school, are you?" He seemed sad about that.

"No. At least for now." I shrugged a little.

"Probably a good idea." He said. "I don't like seeing you get hurt." I knew that.

Josh must have seen us coming, because we didn't make it to the front door before he was outside with us as we arrived.

"Jeez, look at you." He frowned. He leaned over to get a better look at the side of my face.

"Don't remind me." I muttered, glancing behind him as Zack bounded outside like a golden retriever.

"I heard all about it." Josh added, shaking his head. "I should go punch her in the face, just to make it even."

"You don't hit girls." Zack pointed out. "Dad would skin you."

"Fair is fair." Josh shrugged, looking at him. "I think he'd get it as soon as he saw her. Besides. If she can get her stupid friends to hunt her down, I think she's allowed to do that too."

"Nah." I sighed. "I kinda just want it over. I don't care about anything else."

"Wait." Zack muttered, suddenly remembering. "How are you not grounded?"

"Yeah." Josh frowned as well, confused. "Fighting at school always means grounded."

"Not for me." I replied simply.

"Okay, you officially have the coolest parents on Earth." Josh laughed, and I smiled a little.

"They just know me, but I kinda agree. They are the coolest."

Even with how badly I'd exploded at them, they didn't hold it against me. It was true, I had yet to talk to Jasper, but that was my doing. I was a little afraid of what he had to say. Shame had a lot to do with that.

"Wanna come inside?" Josh offered. "I know my mom would love to see you." I laughed a little. Probably not in my condition.

"Sure." I replied, and we started toward the house. I knew Heather was home, because I easily recognized her car sitting in the driveway. Mark was always home.

I trailed after them, walking into the house right as Heather was making her way toward us from the kitchen Probably heading toward the living room. She had a piece of paper in her hands, looking it over, so she didn't see us right away.

"Look what I found." Josh spoke, bringing her attention to us. She paused mid-step, sighing and walking toward us as her expression turned scolding. She gently took my chin in her hand, inspecting my bruises just like I knew she would.

"As happy as I am to see you, sweetheart, I'm not happy to see this." She said, and I laughed a little.

"I know." I mumbled. "I'm okay, though. I had a concussion, but I'm being careful."

"Good." She replied, releasing my chin and hugging me gently. "You need to take it easy. Are you guys hungry? You're welcome to stay for dinner. I'm making tacos, and there's plenty."

That's what that amazing smell was.

"Sure." I was saying that word a lot today. Beside me, Andrew nodded as well. "But I have to be back before dark." She greeted Andrew with a side-hug as well, which he seemed to appreciate.

"I'll let your parents know, just in case." She assured me. "And I'm driving you back myself. No arguments." She pointed at me, and I laughed. I could live with that. I nodded. "Okay. I'll let you guys know when it's ready."

We all nodded, and Josh led us toward the living room. The TV was on, but nothing too interesting was playing. In the half-hour it took for dinner to be done, I only got more hungry.

We sat around and talked about everything, but as soon as dinner was ready, we didn't talk much until after everyone was done eating. I had a feeling someone tipped Mark off, because he didn't say anything about how I looked. That made me feel a little better.

Nobody treated me any different, and by the time I had to go home, I knew this little visit had gone well. It wasn't often that my visits here went badly, but it still surprised me how different it was compared to home.

There was always a tension at home I always noticed. It wasn't ever really brought up, but I knew it was there, and it wasn't something that could really be helped. A constant reminder that I needed to be careful with everything I did. Proven immediately the night I cut my thumb.

Here, that tension didn't exist. It was just a different feeling. That was probably what I appreciated the most about my time spent here.

It felt like forever since I'd been here, but it'd only been almost two weeks since the wedding.

True to her word, she drove me back home herself. Giving Andrew a lift home too, and by then, Richard had gotten home so I knew he'd be okay.

I was a little grateful for the ride, because my head was aching a little by now. Walking home by myself would have made it worse. Giving me a warm hug before I left the car, she made sure I made it inside before she left.

I knew I'd be seeing her soon enough. She'd probably get sick of me.

I sighed heavily, making my way toward the living room. Rubbing the top of my head in an attempt to stop the pain. I was headed to the bathroom for the bottle of Tylenol sitting in the medicine cabinet, but I paused, seeing Jasper there in the living room. Sitting on the couch by himself.

He looked over at me, and I quickly dropped my hand in an attempt to hide the fact that my head was hurting. The last thing I needed was for them to think I couldn't handle freedom.

I offered a small smile, but I still felt horrible for how I talked to him. Besides me, he had to be the most confused. Only days before I yelled at him, I was begging him not to go away.

I just didn't know how to approach anything close to an explanation, so I wasn't sure I should try. I took a quiet breath, ready to go to my room. Wanting to avoid it for now.

"Leandra, wait." He spoke quietly. I paused, looking back at him. He gestured to the empty couch beside him, so I hesitantly crossed the room, and I slowly sat.

He took a few moments to gather his thoughts. In those few moments, my nervousness started to grow.

"From the moment I met you, you've been a mystery." I looked down. "It's not easy for me to relate to you, because to be honest, I've never been in your place. I don't know what it's like living with those kinds of memories. I don't know what it's like growing up with what you have."

He paused, and I waited. Carefully tucking my hands behind my knees. It made me feel just a little less insecure.

"And what I don't relate to, I try to control." He continued. "It's just the way I am. I make no excuses, and I give no apologies. I'm only giving you an explanation. A reason for my behavior last week. I don't understand you, Leandra. You're just as much a mystery to me as I am, no doubt, to you. All I'm asking is for you to have a bit of patience with me while I try to understand you." I could do that.

"My expertise is with newborns. Not human children. Newborns, I've controlled before, and I know exactly what to do when they start acting the way you did. I cannot do that with you, as you're far more fragile. At a loss of what to do, I left the room. I hope you understand."

"I do." I replied, nodding a little. I didn't blame him for it. It was exactly the right thing to do at the time.

"You don't act like others your age. Nobody expects what you'll do next, and that's both unsettling and fascinating at the same time. You're unpredictable, and we're bound to make mistakes. Giving you freedom, however, seems to be the right way to go. Although, I must admit, I'm pretty hesitant about getting my hopes up with you. One second, something seems to be working, and the next, it doesn't."

I frowned. "So wait. You think I acted like a newborn?"

"You feel too much. We already knew that was a problem, but it just gets worse when you get worked up or cornered. When you're passionate about something, you really get going. I've never seen a human display it the way you do. Not once."

"Is that bad?" I asked, wincing a little.

He paused, hesitating just a moment. "It means that if it stays this way, or if it keeps getting worse as you get older, then you're going to be one hell of a newborn." I couldn't help laughing a little. That wasn't what I was expecting him to say. "We're going to have trouble controlling you at first. Until we get used to the idea that you're not as fragile."

"I'm not fragile." I hated being considered so.

"You have no idea." He seemed to find that amusing. I sighed, and decided to let him have this one.

"So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?"

"I never hated you." He replied, surprised. "Not once. I was just waiting to approach the subject until I knew for sure you were open to it. Until I could approach it, I didn't want to attempt talking."

"I feel a little better now." I admitted, sighing.

"I'm glad." He chuckled quietly. "Leandra, something you'll eventually learn is that no matter what you do, we're not giving up. You have your issues, but we all do. Giving up on you would be unforgivable, because we don't give up on our family. Ever. No matter the circumstance."

"I'm starting to see that." I smiled a little, looking down.

"Just do me one favor." He requested. "Don't ever do that again."

"I'll try." I sighed. "I don't like feeling that way either, but I can't control it. It's like.. Like it's not even me anymore. I'm sorry."

"What do you mean?" He asked, turning a little to face me.

"I don't like acting that way." I mumbled, glancing over. "I hate it so much, but I still do it, and I don't feel bad for it while I'm doing it, but after I calm down, I remember, and it's hard to believe I acted that way. It's not me."

He was quiet for a moment, glancing away in thought.

"This may sound like a weird question." He finally spoke again. "But can you think of any points in your life that you can't recall? Time loss, or amnesia?"

I hummed in thought, looking up for a second.

"There's a lot I don't remember about when I was little." I replied. "But I think that's normal."

"Anything more recently?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"No." I answered, still confused. "I wish I could forget everything, but I remember it. Why?"

"No reason." He said, and of course, I knew there was a reason he asked me those things, but he clearly didn't want to talk about that reason. I could only draw one conclusion.

"I'm not crazy, Jasper." I mumbled, and he shook his head.

"It's always best to ask anyway." He replied. "You've seen and experienced so much violence, in so many different parts of your life. The human mind develops ways of coping with those experiences. That wouldn't make you crazy."

That made sense, so I sighed.

"No." I said again. "I'm just me, I guess. I wish I had a way of coping. Maybe it would make all this stuff easier."

"You'll find it." He assured me. "You seem to be doing a pretty good job so far."

"Except for when I yell at you." I pointed out.

"That's another thing I must apologize for." He nodded. "You're right. I need to understand that outbursts are going to happen. There is an aggression in you that we need to address. Eventually. That's all."

It seemed simple when he put it like that.

"Perhaps starting there is a better idea, and if we can find a healthy outlet for that aggression, I'm sure things would go much smoother for you." He added. "Unfortunately, most human options involve being around other humans." I cringed, and he nodded.

"Maybe when I'm like thirty or something." I mumbled.

"Hopefully sooner than that."

I shrugged, and let it go. The thought made me nervous, but I couldn't get too mad about it. I'd save it for when it was needed.

"There is one more thing you should be aware of." He must have sensed I was getting ready to leave.

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Your mother is coming by tomorrow for a visit with you."

I suddenly remembered. I was supposed to see her at some point last week. I was a little preoccupied.

"I'll be around if you need my help." He went on. "But we think it would be best for you to talk with her alone. If you think you're capable of it."

"Yeah." I answered quietly. "I think I'll be okay." He nodded, but I was reminded painfully of the emotion I felt in that dream. If that had really been hers, I would know it right away the next day.

I sighed, closing my eyes and covering my head again. I couldn't help it. Even just sitting here calmly, it was only getting worse.

"Headache." I explained before he could even ask.

"That's normal with your particular injury." He replied easily. "If it becomes unbearable, let us know." I nodded.

"It's not unbearable." I looked back up. "But I kinda wanna take something for it."

"I'm sure that's acceptable."

I nodded a little and stood up.

"Oh, one more thing." I looked back at him. "I just wanted to let you know that Alice still sees nothing out of the ordinary happening. I thought you should know that."

That helped. I felt a little better knowing she was still watching.

"Thanks." I replied sincerely. "And.. Thank you. For talking to me."

"You're welcome." He stood up as well. "It's not a requirement to agree on everything to be considered a family, Leandra. We just need to be willing to meet half way, and understand each other the best we can."

I was beginning to understand that part better than he knew.

I felt a little nauseous when I went to bed that night. I thought it was the fact that I'd had the water a little too hot for my bath, but even after cooling off, it was still there. Something wasn't settling right in my stomach, and laying down was the only way I could think of to ease it.

My head ached less, but that pain was still there.

I really wasn't surprised when I woke up only a few hours after going to bed. My hair damp from tears, my heart pounding too hard and my breathing tight. I hated this feeling so much, but at least I wasn't crying now.

I glanced over, and spotted Esme as she carefully sat on the side of my bed. She'd been the one to wake me up, and I was grateful for that. She sat with me while I came around a little more.

"When does this stop?" I asked quietly, my voice trembling lightly.

"I'm afraid I don't know." She replied sadly. "Everyone is different." I knew that. I turned my attention out the window. It was raining tonight. "What was it, sweetie?"

I was surprised by that question, because nobody ever really outright asked me to tell them what they were waking me up from. I looked over at her, but I wasn't upset by the question. My heart pounded again at just thinking about it.

I looked down again, and spoke before I could stop myself.

"Jack." I mumbled, studying my hands. "The last night he spent in my room. It wasn't anything I hadn't been through a thousand times already, but that one.. It's one of the ones I remember the most."

Without a word, she reached over and pulled me into a hug. Instead of pulling away, I held onto her in return. Loosely, but enough. I let her comfort me.

"I just hate thinking about it." I added quietly.

There was so much there that I still didn't understand. The things Jack did to me at night were pretty straightforward, but really, there was more to it than I could figure out, and it confused me in a scary way. I still felt sick about it.

"I'll never understand." She told me, and I knew what she meant.

I pulled back when I got uncomfortable with the contact. It wasn't her fault. I just couldn't handle being touched at all after a memory dream like that. Instead, I curled upright. Only trembling lightly while I calmed down.

"What am I supposed to say to my mom tomorrow?" I asked quietly.

"There isn't a set script, honey." She replied. "Some things can't be rehearsed. You know enough about her choices recently. Just let the conversation go wherever it goes."

That was a new concept. I'd never thought that was possible with her. Trying to be prepared for anything, I'd always tried to even prepare the things I'd say to her.

"She knows better than anyone just how deeply her choices have affected you." She went on. I nodded a little, looking down. "Forgiveness is a powerful thing, Leandra. It's hard, especially when you were hurt so badly, but it can be done."

"I don't forgive her." I mumbled. "But I don't.." I sighed, closing my eyes. I was so tired. "I don't wanna hate her anymore. I'm so tired of hating."

"It takes time." She assured me. "It'll take work to mend anything there, but that's not what tomorrow will be about. All she wants to do is see you, and know you're in a good place."

"She knows I am."

"But seeing it is different." She reminded me, and I nodded again.

I didn't get much sleep that night. I wasn't that against seeing my mom, but I was also pretty nervous. I still held a lot of resentment, and no amount of understanding would take that away.

I sat curled up the following morning, watching the rain outside from my perch by the side window. I wasn't exactly against talking, but it was a rather quiet morning.

I knew I couldn't exactly predict the way the conversation would go, but I knew I at least needed to keep my resentment to myself, and that would take some thought. It helped when I considered everything at a different view.

"You got this, shorty." I glanced over at Emmett as he stood up, and I knew she was on her way.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"I hope this helps you somehow. I miss my friend." He admitted as he left the room. I felt bad for being so withdrawn and angry lately.

"Me too." I sighed, and it was true.

Esme was the one to let her in, but I made no move to get up at first. Only looking over as she walked in. I hadn't seen her in several months. Not since the day of the fight I had with Keith. The day Alice first came back. Her face was bruise free with no hint of a cover up, but that didn't mean much.

I could see the relief and the hesitation on her face from across the room. She expected me to be upset. Esme beside her seemed to expect the same, but I wasn't.

I should have been mad at my mom. I knew she'd slipped up and I knew she'd been drinking again, but I wasn't mad at her. Somehow knowing exactly how she was feeling the night I saved her life gave me some kind of understanding I didn't have before. I'd been so blind before, and I hated her so much before, but now I knew, and I was more relieved to see she was okay.

It helped considering the fact that maybe, her drinking again was her form of taking two steps back. Like my two steps back was pushing people away.

"I'm okay." I murmured, glancing to Esme. She nodded a little, patted my mom's shoulder, and left the room. Leaving us alone like it'd been suggested the night before.

My mom still hesitated, standing there as if unsure.

"I'm okay." I repeated, to her this time. "You can come sit down."

"I won't stay long, baby." She finally spoke quietly.

It was her turn to be surprised when I turned a little and stood up, crossing the room to hug her. She hugged me tightly at first before lowering to hug me easier.

"I get it." I told her before she could apologize like I knew she was going to. "I get it now. It's not easy."

She sniffled, leaning back where she crouched and looked at me. She ignored the tears in her eyes as she looked me over. She smiled sadly, and I could read every bit of her emotion in her expression.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized anyway, but I just shook my head.

"You don't have to be." I replied. "I get it now. I'm sorry I was always so mean to you."

"You had every right to be." She shook her head, taking my hand. "You were hurt, baby. I let you down. I'll never forgive myself."

"But it wasn't all your fault." I frowned a little.

"Enough of the blame is mine." She explained. "Baby, when you're a mother, there is nothing forgivable about giving up. No matter the circumstances. When it comes to protecting your child, you make a way when there is no way."

"Jack wasn't like normal people." I reminded her, and she looked down. "It doesn't stop because he's gone."

"I heard about the accident." She murmured. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy about it."

"I know what you mean." I sighed, watching as she stood up. I led the way back to the couch, and she sat down. It was a little weird being okay with seeing her. I got the feeling she felt the same way. I was finally being civil toward her.

She studied me a bit more as I sat down in the chair adjacent to the couch. She smiled again.

"You're growing so fast." She laughed through her unshed tears. "Your hair is so long now."

"I know." I admitted with a little laugh of my own. Everyone always told me that.

"I'm sorry I've been away."

"Are you going back?" I asked, but I was only curious.

"Probably." She replied. "It's been so nice catching up with my brother."

"I never knew you had a brother." I pointed out, and she nodded.

"We were never really close." She explained. "The first and last time he saw you, you were six months old."

"How come you weren't close?"

"We were just living separate lives." She answered. "I moved here to stay with my aunt when she got sick, and he chose to stay behind with our mother. Nothing major, but I wound up meeting your father, and things just progressed from there." She paused for a small smile. "It's actually my aunt that you're named after."

I vaguely remembered her trying to tell me that awhile ago. Now I was interested. I knew pretty much all there was to know about my dad's side of the family. I really didn't know much about my mom's side.

"What was she like?" I asked hesitantly.

"She was very strong." She nodded a little. "She was tough, and she worked hard for everything she had. Resilient, and someone you did not want to cross, but she had the biggest heart of gold you'd ever seen. You actually remind me of her." I smiled a little. "You come from a long line of resilient women. Nothing could keep them down. My mother, whose name is also yours, was also one of the toughest women I've ever known. She stood strong in some of the worst times of our lives, and she always got us through them."

I had to ask. I couldn't help being curious. "Did she ever meet Jack?"

"No." She replied. "My mother passed away about two years before you were born. Roughly three years after my aunt."

"How..?" I didn't really want to bring up bad memories for her, but given her sad smile, she understood.

"My aunt had gotten sick one winter, and refused to take it seriously." She explained. "Even hospitalized, they had trouble keeping her down, but it eventually developed into pneumonia, and unfortunately, the infection made it to her blood and that was too much for her fight." I looked down. "Ironically, it was a drunk driver that killed my mother."

"I'm sorry." I really was.

"I know they would have loved to know you." She said. "I admired them both so much, so I knew there was only one way to go when it came to naming my daughter. I wanted to give you a strong name that would reflect who I knew you'd be. Who you are, how strong I know you are, is in your blood, baby. It'll take an act of God to get the best of you."

"It doesn't feel like that sometimes." I admitted quietly. She paused for a second, watching me.

"I know." She replied. "Believe me, I understand how we can be our own worst enemy sometimes, but at the same time, it's that voice that keeps us going." That voice. I knew immediately what she was talking about.

"Mine sounds like Jack."

"Mine too sometimes." She murmured, and I looked up. "I used to drink to shut it up."

"Does that work?" I asked. "Drinking?"

"I used to think it did, but now I think it only makes it louder."

I couldn't imagine any louder than I always heard, but it was kind of nice to have that sort of connection to her, as sad as it was. I knew what she meant, and she knew who I meant. It was like an unspoken sort of bond. A little like what I had with Heather, but stronger somehow. I was pretty sure that I'd just felt that tie everyone said I had to her.

That reminded me of something, though.

I was quiet for a few moments, while I thought of something I wanted to ask her. I just didn't know how to word it in a way that didn't sound crazy.

"Can I ask you something weird?" I asked hesitantly.

"You can ask me anything." She replied easily.

"I don't really know how, though." I sighed. "Could.. They.. Did they ever.. I dunno, just know things?" She was quiet for a few seconds, and I looked down. "Like other people couldn't?"

"Know things?" She asked. "Like what?"

I felt so stupid. "I don't really know how to explain it, but.. I don't know.. It's weird."

"I think I understand what you mean." She assured me, and to my surprise, she didn't sound confused.

"You do?" I looked up hesitantly.

"Baby, that's been with you your whole life." She said. "From the time you could talk. Before you even really understood the world around you, you've always.. From the things you would just outright say, it always seemed like you knew something we didn't." I smiled a little. "They would be perfectly normal things, but.. The way you said them, and the words you used, it was always like you were in on a secret nobody else was. I remember one time specifically. Very vividly, because it threw me for such a loop, and I didn't know how coincidental it was, but now I do. It's one of the clearest memories I have of you back then."

I was quiet, suddenly very interested.

"You couldn't have been much older than four." She went on quietly. "I had been.. Well, in and out for a few days." I knew what she meant, just by the way she said that. She meant she'd been drinking a lot. "I'd been.. Pretty out of it, and it was just after the first time I attempted to leave Jack. He brought you back to me, and you came running right up to me, and you said.. 'When are you going to leave again?'."

I didn't quite understand what was so special about that.

"See," She explained. "You always considered me 'gone' on the days I had had a little too much to drink. Up until that point, I had no idea what was happening, and why my choices were so wrong. I didn't know, until it was too late to stop it, what he was putting you through."

I closed my eyes and looked back down. I didn't like thinking about those days very much, because I had no memory of it at all. The unknown was pretty scary, too.

"So when you asked me that question, it confused me at the time, because I had no intention of leaving you again." She went on. "I had already decided to leave Jack, and that first attempt.. Well, I knew I needed to get away, so I had no intention of ever drinking again."

That was interesting.

"So to answer your question, you've done that all your life." She said. "And from what I understand, my grandma was the same way. I definitely believe it's possible you may have inherited something along the way."

She didn't think I was crazy.

"So wait." I mumbled. "If you didn't ever wanna drink again, why did you?"

"After that first attempt.." She hesitated. "I made my worst mistake. I had finally gotten a look at Jack's true colors, but he got into my head, and he forced me to doubt myself.

"I didn't believe he was anything more than possessive of you. He'd taken complete control of you, but he always made me believe he'd only be violent with me, and you didn't seem to be too fearful of him. There were no bruises on you, nothing to indicate he'd ever hurt you, and believe me, I checked. I thought that his goal was only to separate us."

"That sounds like something he'd do." I muttered breathlessly.

"But that didn't change the fact that I had to leave him." She went on. "At the same time, though, I had nowhere to go. I had nothing to my name, because over time, Jack took everything over one by one. Until then, it didn't seem odd. I know now I should really have been paying more attention.

"Anyway." She sighed. "My worst mistake was staying a second longer. I just couldn't see a way to survive with leaving while having no plan. No car, no job, so no money. I couldn't get a loan with no income of my own, which also posed the risk of losing you when I left him, because he was the only one with income, and your legal guardian. I only worried about you. Stupidly, I believed it was better to gather resources first before making another escape attempt, just to keep you off the streets."

I was quiet while she gathered her thoughts.

"I stayed to get some kind of footing before making that leap, but because I stayed, I had to keep him happy." She went on gently. "I kept an eye on you closely from that moment, but I needed time to figure out a way forward. He came home from work one day, more mad than I'd ever seen him, and I'll admit now that I was scared."

I knew that feeling well.

"I was absolutely terrified of him, so when he pushed an open beer at me, I didn't refuse it in that attempt to keep him happy." She murmured. "I never thought he'd put something in it. He must have, because after that one, I wasn't thinking straight anymore. All I could focus on was the intimidation, and he kept shoving them at me, and before I even knew it, days had passed. I only remember it was a routine. He kept supplying it, and all but forcing me to drink it. Most times, actually doing just that."

I also remembered how intimidating he could be when he wanted to be. With no effort, all he had to do was look at me, and I'd scurry. It never occurred to me that my mom could find that trait in him as easily as I did.

"I finally managed to go long enough to remember what I was supposed to be doing." She sniffled, and I looked to her to realize her eyes held tears. "The third time I tried to leave.."

"He threatened me." I recalled. I'd heard most of this story before, but not in this kind of detail. There was so much she'd held back, and it was like hearing it for the first time.

"I swear, I didn't think he would ever really hurt you." She was crying now. "He told me it would only get bad for you if I kept trying to take you away from him, but he lied." She paused for a shaky breath. "I only thought he hated me. I only thought he was possessive, but that is no excuse. I'd left you again, just like you knew I would."

"But that wasn't your fault." I mumbled, frowning a little. I could feel the way she felt, just by seeing the look in her eyes. I tried not to, because it was hurting me too, but I had no choice. I didn't forgive her, but I couldn't hurt her anymore. The picture she'd just painted in my head of the early days with Jack was one I couldn't shake.

I stood up, took the step it took to reach her, and I hugged her again. My mind chose that moment to remind me of all the things I'd told her in so much anger. How thoroughly I'd turned my back on her for being human. Her choices had hurt me, but I'd been so horrible to her in return.

"I'm so sorry." I whimpered, and I could only hope it helped her. She immediately pulled back and looked up at me.

"Don't be." She told me firmly. Not angry, but firm. She took my hands in hers and pulled me to sit with her. She clasped my hands just as firmly as she spoke, and despite the way it was gentle and it trembled, her voice was strong.

"Don't apologize to me, baby. I made my choices." She reached up with one hand and cupped my cheek. "You came to me when I needed you. I was so young, and in many ways, I still am, but I know one thing for sure. You were, and have always been, the biggest blessing I've ever known. One I was never good enough to receive.

"So you fight, baby girl." Her voice was still firm. "You take every bit of happiness in you, and you fight for it. No matter what, you hold onto it, because you were meant for so much more than I've ever been able to give you. I have no regrets giving you up, because it meant you were able to have the life you were meant to have. I only wish I'd done it sooner. You are so loved. Work with that love. Don't fight it when it gets scary. Build on it, and never tear it down."

I hugged her again, and she held me in return.

"Don't you listen to that voice." She murmured into my hair, and that finally drew out my tears. "Even when it's loud, and mean, and hurtful, don't you listen to it. Ignore it. Don't let it in, because it was put there by someone that had no clue what the hell he was talking about. You are an amazing girl, Leandra. You're stronger than you know. You're stronger than I've ever been, and no matter what it takes, I'll make sure that one day, you believe it. I'll be here."

It really bothered me how I couldn't forgive her, despite how I wanted to. It was a very complicated emotion.

"You almost weren't." I pointed out with a sniffle.

"I know." She sighed. "And I thank God every day that I was stopped. I don't know what made Carlisle check on me, but because of him, I get to tell you how proud I am of who you are, and I get to watch you grow up. I get to see you get married some day to some lucky guy who'll never be good enough, and hold babies of your own."

I didn't want to tell her that I'd never choose a life like that. I didn't want to squash her hope like that, and for once, I didn't want her to know just how bad I was inside.

I didn't want her to know that just thinking that far ahead terrified me. I didn't want to tell her that the promise I made to myself was in stone. I'd never get married, and I'd definitely never let anyone that close to me.

I didn't want to tell her those things, so instead, I stayed quiet.

She sat back with a deep breath.

"Tell you what." She murmured with a sigh. "How about we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" I asked hesitantly.

"We'll find solid ground together." She replied. "I'll be here to cheer you on when you're doing good, but I'll be here to pick you up when you want to give up. All I ask is you do the same for me."

I was a little stunned when she said that. It really made me realize just how similar we were. And when she put it this way, I finally saw potential. For the first time, I felt something like hope warm me up.

Instead of looking at her as my mom that failed me, I could see her as a human being that really needed _some_ one on her side. She wasn't trying to be my mom anymore. She was finally acknowledging me on the right level. She finally got it right.

I smiled a little, unable to help it. This was a new angle I was okay with, and it was a connection she'd never tried to make before. We were on the same page, instead of in totally different books. Maybe we weren't so different. She was just as broken as I was, and she was facing that now.

"Deal." I finally replied.

By the time she left, I knew it'd gone well. I knew she felt better, and I felt better. About everything.

Unfortunately, my dreams went back quite far that night. Probably thanks to the conversation I had with my mom, but I was reminded of one of the earliest times I could even remember. The day I first started school.

It was the strangest thing to remember the way I thought back then. Jack had always been someone not to cross, and I walked on eggshells around him, even back then, but it was nothing like I knew now.

I'd been given new clothes, which was weird to me, but he was mad about it, and I felt a deep sense of guilt back then for making him so mad just by needing new clothes.

I was terrified to get out of the truck at the school. I had no clue what was going on, and I clearly remembered thinking he was only getting rid of me. I didn't know anyone, or anything. I was completely unprepared.

I was carried into the building in tears. I was dropped off, and he left. It was such a heartbreaking and terrifying feeling to watch him walk away without a care in the world. He was my whole life, and he was leaving me. Abandoning me. Even if he wasn't the nicest person, I didn't know any different. He was all I'd known up until that moment.

Until he came back to pick me up, I was on my own for really the first time.

The worst part of that day, though, was getting back home, and watching from where I sat on the back porch steps as Jack burned most of everything I owned in the back yard. Whatever toys or stuffed animals I still had went into that pile, and the entire time, he was telling me how stupid I was for crying.

I did cry, but I didn't try to stop him. I was confused. I just didn't understand why he was doing this. I'd done something wrong, that was clear, but what?

That was the day I decided to keep the teddy bear my dad had given me hidden. I knew enough to keep it hidden under my bed, even before then, but I had to protect it.

It was a very sad dream. I usually avoided thinking about the very early memories of Jack, because I still felt that heartbreak when I thought of him. It was a weird one. It was weird, because there was always that question there of whether or not I ever meant anything to him. As badly as I hated him now, I still felt like I really needed that approval that I needed back before I had to hate him.

That part of me didn't die with him.

All I'd ever done in those days, was do my best to mean something. To be good enough. To finally be told by him that I was anything other than worthless, which I knew now was like running a race I'd lost from the start.

It hurt me every time I thought about it, but I had to wonder if those early days weren't better than knowing the things I knew now. Back before that Christmas Eve night when I was six.

Back before he'd shown me exactly how dark things could get. Back when the nights belonged to me. When the dark only held fake monsters, and sometimes lightning, but in those nights, was also the tears and broken heart that came with never being good enough. Of wondering what I could do to earn just that one nod of approval. Something that told me I didn't need to worry about him leaving me too, just like my mom and my dad. I would have given anything for that assurance, because he was never happy.

When my heart finally had enough of the breaking, I started to wake up.

Somewhere toward the end of the dream, though, the last second before I would wake up, the dream abruptly changed. It wasn't so much a change, as it was a pain. A sharp, painful click that I nearly heard. It was only a really brief glimpse of something I had no possible way to untangle. Like an entire year's worth of moments shown in one split second glance. It was very loud, and very painful, and I didn't even have a chance to try to figure out what that had been.

It happened so quickly, it hurt my head and startled me awake. I was suddenly sitting upright with a loud gasp, bouncing with how quickly I'd moved. Both hands reached up, a strangled cry leaving me as I gripped my head with both hands.

Through the pain, I fully realized how weird it would be for even my dreams to take that kind of a detour.

I couldn't concentrate on that for too long, though, because there was something more pressing I needed to focus on. I looked over and up as Esme arrived in my room, clearly concerned.

Looking to the clock, I saw that it was just passed three in the morning.

"Are you okay, honey?" Esme asked anyway. Part of me still felt asleep. Like part of my mind hadn't woken up with me.

The last thing I remembered about the abrupt change in the dream was Bella, but she looked so _different_. That was it. There was _so_ much more there, but I couldn't remember a single moment of it. I knew. I was sure of it. Like I was never sure of anything else in my life.

Through blinding pain, I jumped out of bed, only taking a second to find my balance, and walked quickly from the room. Esme followed me closely, probably worried about how unsteady I was.

"Alice." I called before I'd even made it to the living room, hoping she was somewhere around. To my relief, she quickly descended the stairs as soon as I left the hallway, looking my way in concern. Just as Carlisle did, and Jasper did.

"What is it?"

"Bella." I replied. "It's just Bella. It's got nothing to do with Edward."

"Leandra, I still see nothing-"

"Check again!" I insisted. "I'm sure of it." Esme reached out, pulling me to sit in the chair with her. I let her, trying to calm down and ignore the stabbing pain in my head at the same time. "Look for anything. Just her. Please."

I could tell she'd been waiting for something to come to her, instead of inspecting any possible situation like my overworked mind would have. Unless she had been looking for everything, and not seen it until now. Like something had just changed for her, that hadn't needed to be changed for me.

I couldn't shake that difference I'd seen in Bella. The little piece of whatever had happened while I was sleeping. It was burned in my mind like it'd been there forever. It could have been nothing, but it wasn't.

I held my breath, but I couldn't keep the few quiet sobs back. I trembled, but I had a feeling I felt cold too.

She sighed, deciding to humor me. The room was silent as Alice turned to pace a little.

It took only maybe thirty seconds, just long enough for her to slowly make it across the room, and I could tell immediately when she realized the truth in what I was saying. She looked to me, shocked. Holding my gaze for several seconds. I nodded a little, and she got moving again, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. Even I sensed the difference in her movements, and I hated being right.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, watching her.

"It's Bella." Alice replied tensely. "Her future is gone."

 **A/N: I'm so glad this chapter didn't take forever. I also feel like I did better on this one than I've been doing. Sure, it's a little short, but I'm okay with that lol  
THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to those AMAZINGLY AWESOME reviewers of last chapter! I heart you guys so much!**  
 **Chapter Ten will be along soon. I think I'm about done decorating for Christmas. I've done my best lol it'll have to do for this year, so I've gotten that out of the way. I'm determined to make this a good one for Little KNeu.**  
 **Ten will move us along a bit in the storyline, thankfully. It's been awhile lol**  
 **Until Ten, my friends!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Almost as soon as Bella picked up on the other end, Alice was handing the phone to Carlisle. I stood, going to her side.

"What's going on?" I asked Alice quietly, worry in my voice. "What do you mean her future is gone?"

"I can't see Bella's future anymore." She replied tensely, watching as Carlisle spoke on the phone. I frowned.

"What does it mean when someone's future disappears?"

"It usually means they die." I winced at her tone, and sharpness of the words as they instantly made my heart sprint. Now I understood the nervousness in my stomach. I whimpered, and despite how tired I was, I was wide awake.

"Bella's going to die?" I found myself trying to hold back tears of panic.

"No, Leandra." Alice said, hugging me into her side. "I'm sorry. I'm just-I can't believe.." She trailed off, and she didn't continue, which told me she wasn't really so sure.

"Leandra." I looked over at Jasper. "What did you see?"

"What's going on?" Emmett was next to descend the stairs, followed by Rosalie half a step behind, and I let that distract me. I was trying to focus on a million different things at once. My head still felt like it was breaking in half, and I was suddenly not that sure I should let someone know.

Carlisle hung up, and silence followed. A pin would have been heard hitting the carpet. It was the most suffocating silence I'd ever heard around here, and I didn't want to break it.

Without a word, Carlisle paused for just a second before he strode from the room. I got moving. Leaving Alice's side and following him upstairs. I had to nearly run to keep up.

"Carlisle." I whimpered. "You won't let her die, right?"

"I'll do everything possible to keep that from happening." He replied, heading into his office.

I watched from the safety of the doorway as he moved furniture aside, pushing it against the far wall. I made sure to stay out of the way. He was now distracted. Very distracted, and I really didn't want to be in his way.

"What happened to her?" I asked, and he looked to me. "Is she sick?"

"I won't know anything for sure until they get back, so please. Try not to worry." I watched him walk passed me, headed back for the stairs. "I'm going for supplies. I'll be back soon."

I whimpered, standing there, feeling helpless and confused.

My sleep deprived mind imagined so many things that could have possibly gone wrong. Maybe she got bit by some spider, or fell out of a tree. Maybe she caught some contagious disease, and I needed to be worried for my health as well. I was deeply confused, and honestly didn't know where to even start.

I headed back downstairs, looking up to see Alice and Esme talking quietly. Everyone else was quiet, worry in their eyes.

"Leandra." As soon as Jasper saw me, he turned to me. "I need you to try." I paused in my walking, leaning against the armrest of the couch. He had brought everyone's attention to me.

"Try?" I asked hesitantly, despite knowing exactly what he meant. I didn't know why I even wanted to avoid talking about it. I didn't even know anything, but I was nervous. Something I'd just done had caused so much worry.

"You knew something was wrong long before Alice did." He answered. "I need you to try. Tell us what it is."

"I don't know how." I shook my head a little, instantly uncomfortable. I didn't like this pressure.

"How did you know to tell Alice to check again?" He asked, and I sighed.

"I dreamed." I replied. "I woke up when my dream changed, so I didn't see anything."

"Then you need to go back to sleep." He said. "We need to know all we can about this, and Alice can't see anything, so it's up to you."

"I don't even know what happened, so even if I do see anything she doesn't, I won't get it." I was stalling. I wasn't particularly eager to go back to dreaming. Just as I'd hoped, Jasper paused and looked to Esme. I wondered then. It was a subject they were obviously hesitant to tell me about.

"I'd feel better telling her when Carlisle gets back." Esme admitted. "As he was the one to talk to them."

I could tell though how important this was. Given the way Jasper sat back down with a sigh, deep in thought.

"I can still try." I offered, and he looked to me. "If you want. I might not get it, but someone else might."

"No." He sighed. "It's alright. Esme is right. I'd rather know more myself before trying to find answers." I nodded, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. It was quiet for a minute, before I looked over.

"Can I have a hint?"

"From what we understand so far.." Esme answered as I looked to her. "Bella's pregnant." My eyes widened a little, and I looked down. Thinking.

"Wait.." I mumbled. "How? I-I mean.. I know _how_ , but.. Edward said it wasn't possible."

"When would that have come up?" Jasper frowned a little.

"Before the wedding." I mumbled. "I was mostly joking, but he said it couldn't happen. He said they were too different, so how?"

"We were wondering the same thing." Jasper nodded, still in thought. "This is something nobody expected."

"Huh." I mumbled, frowning.

"We won't really know until they get back, and Carlisle has a chance to look at her." Alice murmured from the side. "But this worries me. A lot." I looked down.

"So.." I sighed. "If it's just a baby, then why is everyone worried?"

"Because we don't know if that's all it is." Jasper answered. "It could be something much worse." I shuddered, not liking the image of that. "Exactly. And the fact that you've been worrying over it for so long now tells us all to be wary."

"So if Alice can't see anything, why would I be able to?" I asked quietly.

"You're obviously able to see things further in advance than she can." Jasper replied. "It's a little complicated to explain, but the way her gift works is she needs someone to make a decision, or realize something themselves before she can see it. It's becoming clear to me that you don't. That opens you up to so many things that you can see, but she can't."

I nodded slowly in understanding, so he continued.

"I'm thinking that's why Alice was unable to see anything until tonight. When Bella discovered it. But you were. You knew about this long before it even happened, Leandra."

"Didn't help in this case." I shrugged a little.

"Because you couldn't tell yet what it was." He reasoned. "You're still new at this, so it isn't your fault. We don't blame you."

"Not in the least." Esme added from the side.

"And so far," Jasper mused quietly. "It's only been things that directly affect you that you've been warned of. Aside from this." He was quiet for a second. "Unless somehow, this will directly affect you."

Rosalie's phone rang in her pocket and she frowned a bit, looking at it. Leaving Emmett's side and heading toward the kitchen to answer it.

"How would her being pregnant affect me, though?" I asked, standing. "It's got nothing to do with me."

"I don't know." Jasper admitted. "It's just a thought." I sighed, choosing to sit with Esme instead. I really didn't feel like being alone. I wasn't exactly tired, as much as I was exhausted. All of the sudden worry had stolen my energy.

I took a breath, leaning forward to hold my head again.

"Are you okay, shorty?" Emmett asked first. I shook my head a little.

"My head hurts again. Worse now." I felt stupid for complaining. "And I'm scared."

"Well, this changes things." Alice murmured, and her tone worried me even more. I followed her gaze, looking toward Rosalie in the kitchen.

"What changes things?" I asked nervously. "And what things?"

"We'll discuss this when they get here." Esme spoke before anyone could answer. "We'll prepare the best we can here. I don't want any fighting."

"Maybe you should try to sleep some more, shorty." Emmett suggested. "That might help your head." I only then realized how quickly the subject had jumped away from me. That had never happened before.

"I can't sleep." I sighed, shaking my head a little. No doubt about it, I was awake. At least for right then.

"When did this particular headache start?" Jasper asked tensely.

"I've had headaches since I got that concussion." I replied. "Couple days."

"This one, Leandra." He clarified, and I looked up in thought. I actually had to think to remember that answer.

"Same time I woke up." I replied. "I think right when I remembered what that dream was about. Err.. Or who."

"Think that could be part of it?" Emmett asked, looking at Alice. Rosalie drifted forward, no longer on the phone, but nobody acknowledged it.

"Maybe." Alice sighed, sounding plenty stressed herself. "Most of this is all new."

I stopped listening then. It didn't really matter to me right then, and the pain was a little hard to think through. It wasn't getting any worse, but it wasn't getting any better, either.

That was what was holding me together, though. Their tension was more than enough to make me tense, and knowing what I knew about Alice's gift, I saw the reason why.

If it wasn't for the pain in my head, I'd have been way more worried and restless than I was, but it was the weirdest feeling. That image of Bella wasn't the entire cause of all this worry. It was hard to tell, but I could definitely tell.

There was more, but I'd missed it.

Carlisle returned, but one look at his expression, I decided to stay out of the way as he and Emmett brought things inside.

Esme waited with me all night. I was glad she stayed with me, because this was the scariest night I'd had in a long time. Taking Tylenol for the pain worked for the most part. It took it awhile to help, but it did eventually.

It'd been awhile since I snoozed on the couch, but I snoozed through most of the next day. I was worn out, but not enough to go to my room. Nobody tried to get me to leave, either. I appreciated that.

I never slept deep enough to dream, which I was grateful for, and I knew they were disappointed at. My thoughts did wander, though. The same scenarios running through my head in a constant loop, but I knew none of them matched the feeling I had. It really wasn't a good feeling.

I also knew that Jasper watched my emotions closer that day than he ever had yet. He never moved further than a few feet from me, which was very unlike him, but I knew he had his reasons.

Emotions could tell so much about someone, which I was very quickly beginning to understand. Just as much as a look in their eyes or on their face. It could have many different layers in one emotion. Slightly more scared, or slightly more angry.

He was only doing the same thing I was doing. Speculating about what could happen as a result of this issue with Bella that would make me feel this specific way. He would have far more of an understanding about possible scenarios than I would, so I didn't say a word in protest. I just focused on the unease I felt, and compared it to whatever I could think of. Nothing I thought of quite fit.

When Edward and Bella finally got home that late afternoon, I forced myself to sit up and looked Edward's way. We all did, really. Watching as he tensely steered a very annoyed looking Bella straight toward the stairs.

Carlisle followed them close behind, and he trailed a determined looking Rosalie. None of them stopped to talk, though Esme, Alice and Jasper were all on their feet, and Emmett looked their way beside me where I watched.

I didn't see anything wrong with her. She was slightly pale, but nothing bad. To me, she looked perfectly normal, and very unlike what I remembered of that picture. I wanted to follow them all up the stairs, but Esme stopped me from getting up. Shaking her head a little. I settled back down with a sighing yawn.

"She looks okay." I muttered, confused.

"Hopefully it stays that way." Jasper replied.

There wasn't much else to do but sit and wait for Carlisle to look her over. Unfortunately for me, I wouldn't know anything until someone decided to tell me, because all I heard was silence. I knew everyone around me was listening to the conversations upstairs, while I could only listen to the tick of the clock on the kitchen wall. It was kind of annoying suddenly.

It was silent in the room around me the entire hour they were upstairs, and I'd just decided to try to snooze again, laying my head on the armrest, when Emmett spoke up.

"That's not good." He grumbled, standing.

"What?" I asked, suddenly awake again. "What is it?" He was obviously referring to something he was hearing from upstairs, but again, I couldn't hear a thing. I didn't want to ask again, but nobody answered me. They didn't even acknowledge I'd spoken this time. It was like I wasn't even there. It bothered me.

This was new to me. There had been very few times when there was tension in the family and I hadn't been the cause of it, and I certainly hadn't been in on those problems before I had to be.

This time, I already knew what everyone had to be upset about. Now I was one of the ones tense along with them, and as relieving as it was to not be in trouble this time, I didn't like it.

Finally, after several more tense minutes, I heard them speaking as they came down.

"Really, Edward." Rose sighed. "It's not your choice. It's hers, and if you're going to be mad at me for defending that, then you go right ahead."

I looked their way, watching as Edward came down first. Obviously unhappy. I bit my lip, sitting stiffly and looking up at him, watching as he said not a word to anyone as he stepped outside. He didn't move any farther than the porch, though, leaning against the railing. Rose had trailed him downstairs, followed by Bella, and finally Carlisle.

"You've decided, then?" Alice asked Bella, and the fact that she had to ask had me look to Bella as well. That wasn't good news.

Without regret, but seeming as if she felt bad, Bella nodded. That was her answer. It was clear to me that though she hated causing tension, she wouldn't change her mind. Though I still didn't see a thing wrong with her, the fact that her future was still gone at least told me that this was one decision she should change.

My attention was taken by Carlisle heading toward the garage. I jumped up and followed.

"Can I go?" I asked, following him. Having to jog to make it to him. I had a lot of questions for him.

"No, Leandra." He sighed, shaking his head. "Stay here. I'll be back soon."

"But-"

"Stay here." He repeated, and his tone told me not to argue again, so I stopped. He was telling me to stay here. That probably meant wandering was out of the question.

"Okay." I muttered in reply. He hesitated long enough to give me a brief, reassuring hug before he left, closing the door behind himself.

Not sure what else to do, I headed back into the living room. I still didn't want to be alone, so I sat in the one free chair, watching the room.

"I know what this seems like." Bella was saying. "But it'll be okay. I know it." I still didn't know a thing about what was going on, and I was so lost, but I didn't ask. I figured I would know when the time was right.

I looked beside me as the door suddenly opened, and Edward met my eyes.

"Leandra." He gestured I come outside with him. I didn't waste a second, standing and following him out onto the porch. I sensed an explanation coming, and I wanted so bad to know. The curiosity was killing me. He closed the door behind me, and I looked up at him. I followed him back to the railing, leaning against it as he had done before.

"Don't hold it against Carlisle." Edward spoke quietly. "It gives him peace of mind knowing his family is in one place during uncertain times. It's nothing you did, and I'm sure it's not permanent." I nodded. It actually helped learning that little fact.

He was quiet again for a moment, and I used that time to think about how I should brush my hair. I hadn't yet today, and the slow breeze blew it into my face, making that fact crystal clear. Maybe I would just tie it up. I wasn't planning on going anywhere today, so why should I bother?

"Have I ever told you how calming your thoughts are?" Edward suddenly asked, and I laughed a little.

"That's a first." I murmured and he looked to me. "I think too much."

"You have a lot on your mind, it's true." He allowed. "But the one thought you choose to focus on is what I hear, and today, the plainer the better."

"Glad I could help someone." I replied, looking out over the yard. Despite how I tried, I couldn't help thinking about how I hadn't known enough to help before. Maybe it was more of the fact that nobody had expected anything like this to go wrong. Alice couldn't see what I could see. With that thought, a whole flood of more thoughts came after it.

Without meaning to, I filled Edward in on all that happened in the two weeks he'd been gone. He didn't interrupt, just listening calmly, as if he couldn't really hear me.

"About that." He finally stopped me as I focused on the confusion my gift brought. I briefly worried he'd be upset with me. "It's not your fault."

"I should have said something that night." I shook my head a little, reaching up to clear my hair from my face. "I should have. Like Jasper said."

"That wouldn't have changed this." He gestured back to the house. "I would have just kept watch for everything else. Leandra, none of us even thought this was possible."

"So I've heard." I replied, nodding a little. Briefly, before I could stop it, I wondered what had everyone so worried. How she looked fine to me.

"You're curious." He murmured, looking away. "It's bound to happen." He was quiet for a moment, probably gathering his thoughts. I chose to make it easier on him by focusing only on the breeze that blew passed me. The smell of the trees that surrounded the house, and the sound of the river nearby. The quiet sound of the branches swaying in the breeze, and the subtle suspicion of rain soon.

"You're good at that." Edward pointed out. "Thank you." I smiled a little, nodding. "Leandra, the reason why everyone is so worried, is not only because Alice can't see her future anymore." I looked over at him. "It's because two weeks isn't near enough time for a normal pregnancy to become as apparent as it is." I frowned in confusion. "She missed her period this month, but she's already showing."

"That doesn't happen?" I had absolutely no idea how pregnancies were supposed to go. I knew how they happened, and I knew babies were gross. That was the extent of my knowledge.

"No." He answered. "Normally, there are no visible signs until at very least the third or fourth month." Oh shit. My eyes widened a little. Even I was smart enough to understand that that was really fast. Too fast to be normal.

He was quiet for a second, before he sighed. "Yeah." He paused for several seconds. "Carlisle guesses she's about three months along."

"In two weeks?" I asked quietly, surprised. He was quiet, waiting for it. Then it hit me. "Wait." I frowned. "Carlisle guesses?"

It made sense that Carlisle having to guess was another bad sign.

"None of the tests he tries will work." He answered. "We can't see it, as whatever it is won't show on an ultrasound." I looked up at him, noticing his expression. "So there is no way to know what it even is."

"That's a problem." I mumbled, and he nodded.

"A big one." He replied. "We don't know what we're working with, and that is a very big problem."

"And she's still gonna go through with it." I frowned, realizing now. "Even not knowing what it is she's doing?"

"She knows exactly what she's doing." He was so torn even just saying that. "I've never seen her more sure of anything, and _that's_ saying something." He paused for a sigh. "She's chosen to keep it. Whatever _it_ is, _and_ she's decided to get Rosalie on her side, even though she knows we'd never force her."

"What is she thinking?" I mumbled, surprised.

"I wish I knew."

"Rosalie's _mean_." I muttered, still surprised. "Why would she ask _her_ for help?"

"I heard that." Rosalie's voice wafted from an open window, only echoing over to me, but by then Edward was smirking.

"But it's true." I added, but I stopped there, looking up at him. I didn't know how to help.

"It's not your fault either." I told him, and he looked to me. "You didn't know this would happen any more than I did." His smirk faded humorlessly, and I could tell instantly that he didn't believe me.

"About a week ago," He said, changing the subject. "Bella and I talked." I waited, watching as he looked to me again. "About what it was like for her finding you in Port Angeles that night."

I instantly looked down, hating being reminded. I shivered involuntarily, reminded of how cold I always was. The memory of the street, rainy and cold, forced its way forward.

I shifted my weight uncomfortably, sighing a little.

"Leandra, I'm sorry." He told me, and I shrugged, looking at my hands clasped together on the railing. "I mean it. I not only hurt Bella by leaving, but I see what it did to you."

"I don't wanna talk about this." I finally mumbled. "That.. Was a really hard time for me."

"I see that." He commented, and I knew he was referring to the memories I couldn't keep back. Those were the longest few months of my life. Suffering so very much by being left alone.

"I can't stop them." I admitted, glancing apologetically up at him. "Once I'm reminded, there goes the day." This was actually something I hadn't thought about in awhile. Not with everything else going on. Now it was front and center.

"There's so much I've missed." He added. "But there's also a lot I've been informed of. That really bothers me, that I've missed a lot, because it's my fault you were put through so much since you've been here."

"What?" I asked, confused. "How?"

"Leandra, you asked me awhile back what I thought would have happened had you not hit Rachel that day." I was listening. "And I told you you'd probably still be right where you were. I still believe that, but I also believe you would have been better off." My eyes flew to him, and at first, I couldn't believe I'd heard him correctly.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, shocked he'd even say that.

"Think about it." He turned, looking at me now. "Had you not hit Rachel, you would have gone home. True, back to hell, but knowing you, you would have found a way out on your own soon. You would have gone to a normal, human family and probably adjusted well there."

What use did I have with a normal human family? None whatsoever.

"I don't regret being here." I told him flatly, trying to hold my temper. "I wouldn't have found a way out. I would still be there." I paused, knowing he was listening close to more than just my words. "You might not get what it's like never to know what love is, but I know what it's like. I owe them my life. I've never regretted knowing them. Not once, and I never will. So don't you tell me-"

"Wow." He seemed entertained. "When they mentioned you had a temper, that wasn't an understatement."

"I know it's not." I replied. "And I'm sorry." I sighed. "I didn't mean to get mad. It's just-"

"I understand." He said. "I should have explained further what I meant. Here, you've known so much stress. Not only in the beginning, with Jack and what happened at the trial, but later. When I made the extremely foolish decision to leave. What happened while we were gone. I don't blame Carlisle for coming back when he did. For leading you to Bella that night." I looked away, focusing on the trees while I listened. This part of the conversation still hurt me.

"I not only hurt you with that decision, I hurt them." He continued. "Your mother? I know none of that would have happened had you stayed where you were."

"You're right." I said. "None of that would have happened, but she'd probably have died from drinking too much. If I had stayed there, nothing would have saved her, but you know what?" He waited. "By coming here, at least I got a chance to get to know what she was like when she wasn't drinking." He seemed surprised.

"I never thought of it that way."

"I have." I murmured. "I never would have gotten that chance if I would have stayed where I was, and I'm grateful for that chance."

"Okay, so I'll give you that one."

I looked over at him, watching his smirk fade.

"Just don't beat yourself up too much, okay?" I mumbled. "I know that usually doesn't help me, and I still do anyway, but just not too much. It isn't your fault."

I gave him a small smile and turned, heading back inside. I was starting to get cold, so I knew he understood. I wasn't in the best of moods after that reminder of my past. So much I'd refused to think about recently. Probably because I knew it'd just overwhelm me, which I really wanted to avoid.

Now that I knew what was going on with Bella, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe there really wasn't much of a reason to worry. So it grew fast. So what? Carlisle wouldn't let anything happen to her, and I was sure that if it became too hazardous to her health, she'd see reason. She had to. She was smart.

As badly as I wanted to wander, just to clear my head, my headache was returning, so instead, I wandered into my room. I laid across my bed with a heavy sigh, and closed my eyes. Now that I'd found footing, and I knew everything was okay for the next five minutes, I could rest a little more effectively.

If it helped Carlisle to know I was here with everyone else, I could do that. In a way, I felt better being here. Wandering was nice, but I'd been enough of a pain in the ass lately.

In every sense of the word, I was so worn out. For once, a few bad dreams was worth any amount of time spent unconscious. Reaching for that unconsciousness, I fell asleep quickly.

I didn't remember dreaming when I woke up, so if I did, it didn't bug me. It was dark outside now, so I'd been asleep a few hours.

"I'm so tired of this freaking headache." I mumbled on my way out of my room. It'd been nearly constant for days, and never quite went away.

"It worries me that you still have it." Carlisle murmured as I joined everyone in the living room. Bella looked as if she hadn't even moved from the couch, and she looked just a bit sleepy, but was otherwise fine.

I was a little surprised I had to step around Rosalie to get to the other end of the couch, but I remembered she'd probably stick close to Bella. I sighed, and sat beside Bella, being careful not to sit on the blanket that covered her.

"It's not that bad." I replied with another sigh. "It just bugs."

"Except for the one yesterday, shorty." Emmett pointed out.

"Shut up." I countered. "I'm more tired of the stupid scans. I'm fine."

"I would still rather know." Carlisle said. "I thought we discussed this, Leandra."

"I know." I sighed, looking down. "I didn't want to bug you with it last night, because you were already thinking about so much. Bella's more important right now."

"There isn't much we can do right now." Carlisle replied. "And I always want to know about things like this. No matter what's going on. You and your health matter to me."

"All of us." Esme added gently.

"And I'm fine." Bella spoke up, and I looked over at her. "I'm not asking for any special treatment or anything."

"You're family." I assured her easily, sitting cross-legged. "I can share." She smiled a little.

"Before you leave again, I want to be sure you're healthy enough to do so." Carlisle took my attention again.

"More stupid scans?" I whined a little.

"Not unless it's needed." He replied. "I'm asking you not to lie to me."

"I won't." I relented. It was quiet for a minute, and I knew what Bella was avoiding looking at. My black-eye and bruises weren't exactly expected, and probably didn't look that welcoming.

"It's okay." I laughed a little. "Barely hurts."

"So.. What happened?" Bella asked quietly.

"School." I answered.

"Shorty doesn't get along well with others." Emmett explained further, and I realized there must have been a lot about me that she still didn't really know. She knew parts of my story, but she'd never spent much time around me.

"So you got into a fight?" She asked, and I shrugged.

"More like I lost one." I replied miserably. I wasn't that good at admitting my faults.

"And concussions aren't something to play around with, Leandra." Jasper reminded me, bringing us back to the original conversation. I kept my eyes down, shrugging a little. I knew that.

"But I've been careful." I said. "The heaviest thing I've lifted is my stupid pillow. I don't run, I don't even climb. I've stayed away from the stairs, and I haven't gotten mad lately."

"I understand that." Carlisle nodded. "You've done well avoiding strenuous activities, but sometimes, that's not enough. I just want to be cautious. The physical pain is the only way your body knows how to tell you-"

"Something is wrong." I finished for him. "I know." I did understand, but I really didn't want to get into this again.

He still seemed stressed, but he wasn't scolding me about it anymore.

"All we ask is to let us know when it gets bad." Esme murmured, and I appreciated the gentler tone, even as I yawned. I was still tired, despite the really long nap I'd just taken.

"Maybe I just need to sleep more." I frowned a little.

"It's possible." Carlisle replied. "You haven't been getting the best sleep lately."

When I did fall asleep again, only a few hours later, it didn't go very well. I thought sleeping, even through nightmares, would help it, but I was wrong.

I couldn't have been asleep for very long, before I was so suddenly in sobbing tears, even before I was upright. The sharp, intense pain in my head felt unbearable. Enough to wake me up out of a deep sleep. Very rudely, and very painfully.

It twisted my stomach, and I clutched my head in both my hands, leaning forward just as the door opened.

"It's bad." I forced myself to speak through choking breath. "It's bad."

I sobbed the rest of my breath out, but I held it. I couldn't even breathe. Taking a breath made it worse, so I held it as long as I could. Making every breath a deep gasp, but hating every one I took as the side of the bed dipped in front of me.

I knew my pouring tears weren't helping things, but I couldn't stop them.

I had no resistance in me, despite my entire body locked in pain, as I felt my hands lowered and my chin carefully raised. My eyes stayed shut, despite the tears that poured, as I just couldn't handle opening them yet.

"Look at me, Leandra." Carlisle instructed me firmly.

"I can't." I gasped. "The light hurts." I wished so bad I could stop crying, but my tears were forced forward by the pressure in my head.

Half a second later, the light disappeared from behind my eyelids, and I took that as a hint. I squinted my tearing eyes open just enough to look up. Looking up, however, brought out the dizziness. As soon as I met Carlisle's concerned gaze, though, my tears restarted, and my eyes closed again.

"Leandra." He insisted, so I tried again.

I held his gaze the best I could now, and his concern only faded to confusion. I lowered my head back down into my hands. I just needed something to ease this pain, and this seemed to be the only way.

"Is she okay?" I hadn't realized I'd been bad enough to bother Bella, but she actually seemed worried.

This pain was nauseating, and dizzying. Just trying to look over made my head spin in a way that made it impossible to keep my eyes open.

"Did it hurt this bad yesterday?" Carlisle asked, and I shook my head in my hands. There was no way I'd have been able to ignore this kind of pain.

Just like I knew it would, that prompted a trip to the hospital. When another extensive exam proved that there was nothing physically wrong with me, I was just as puzzled as Carlisle was. Of course, I had a feeling I knew the real reason, but I didn't want to be the one to say it.

I returned to my room to rest as soon as I was taken home, but I wasn't even tempted to sleep this time. I closed every curtain securely, blackening the room. There was still a speck of light at the top toward the ceiling, but I could allow that.

I crawled back up onto my bed, choosing to just sit out of the way for awhile. The TV was on out there, and it was far too bright with all the windows. I wanted dark and quiet.

As badly as I feared the dark, it was my only comfort today. Even the nightlight was too bright for my comfort, so my room was almost pitch dark. I felt cold, and shivered in my ball.

Nobody told me this stupid ability would cause me that kind of pain. I was used to my mind causing me indescribable emotional pain, but now that it was physical, I felt beaten.

Most importantly, I had to wonder if these headaches were going to be a regular thing now. If that was the case, I really didn't want this gift anymore. I didn't want anything to do with it anymore. I would be fine with it if it didn't cause me pain.

I whimpered, holding my head in my hands again. "Ow."

Moments later, a quiet knock at my door had me look over slowly. It was only Alice, poking her head in the door through the smallest opening possible.

"Is this gonna happen a lot?" I asked, my voice trembling lightly.

"I heard." She sighed, walking in. Thankfully she closed the door behind herself, trapping any light out once again. "Since it's nothing physical, we have to assume it has everything to do with your gift."

I knew that.

"Okay, but how do I stop it?" I asked. "I don't like this."

"Have you tried sleeping again?" She asked quietly.

"Alice, if I lay down, I'm going to puke." I replied sharply. "Breathing hurts. I can't go to sleep. I've never felt anything like this before. Even with Jack, it was different."

"Sleeping might be your only option. Maybe there are things getting stuck."

"Every time I sleep, I only wake up with worse pain." I frowned. "How does sleep even help me?"

"I wish I knew what to suggest." She sighed sadly, and I felt the bed dip beside me as she sat. "Here. Let me see your hand." I reached my hand out toward her, and she gently took it in hers.

With her pointer finger and her thumb, she placed firm pressure to a spot between my pointer finger and thumb. I was quiet for a few seconds. I was confused, as I couldn't tell what she was doing.

It didn't take long to figure it out, though. My headache began to ease to a manageable level. I blinked in surprise, looking over at her in the dark. I couldn't see her, but in a weird way, I could.

"Does this help?" As if she needed to ask. "This is a pressure point. Everyone has them."

"How the heck does squeezing this spot help my headache?" I wondered.

"It's fascinating, isn't it?" She laughed a little. "Okay, so while you're feeling a little better, I want you to focus on your mind. See what's changed."

"How am I supposed to know?"

"I don't mean physically, Leandra." She replied. "I mean what do you suddenly know now that you didn't know before. Like the other night with Bella."

I fell quiet, looking down in thought.

"I don't know." I finally sighed. "Everything's the same."

"That's because you're thinking with your conscious mind." She argued. "I'll bet there's more in there than that."

"If there is, I don't know where to find it."

"In time." She assured me. "No matter what, Leandra, we'll take care of you. Just because Bella is here now doesn't mean you've gone anywhere." I took a breath while I could, and I nodded. I didn't even have to say anything, but they knew I might have been feeling a little pushed aside for whatever reason.

"And this.." She raised my hand a little. "It might not work every time, but when it gets bad like that, try it. It can't hurt." I nodded again. "Avoid hot baths, or getting too upset. Keep your blood pressure down. That'll help."

"Thank you." I mumbled, glancing over at her.

"Any time." She assured me. "I'm glad I can help someone."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm feeling pretty useless these days." She admitted. "Bella refuses to listen to reason, and I can't tell her exactly how it turns out."

"Well.." I sighed. "I've never been pregnant, but I don't think it would be very easy to just turn around and forget about it, but I still don't get what the big deal is. Will it make her sick?"

"We don't know." Alice admitted quietly. "She's been nauseous since she got here, but that's about the only typical symptom she has. We just don't know how bad it'll get yet."

"Not knowing is pretty scary." I agreed, and she nodded. "Is that why you want me to try to sleep? To see if I can see anything about it?"

"I don't want to put that kind of pressure on you." She sighed. "Nobody does, but.. You were the one to bring my attention to her."

I hesitated a moment, considering ways to explain my next thought.

"I was dreaming that night." I mumbled. "About the regular things I dream about, and I was about to wake up, when something.. I dunno, changed. It didn't even last a second, but I woke up knowing something was wrong with Bella. It was like a really long and really _loud_ movie played in not even a second. I didn't get anything from it, except that someone needed to check on Bella."

"And that's when your headache started?" She asked, clearly interested, and I nodded.

"Right at the same time, I think." I sighed. "That's why I'm worried I might not ever get rid of this stupid headache."

"Just like I thought before." She said. "I really think whatever else was in that dream, or vision, might still be in there somewhere. You've just got to find it."

"How?"

"Your subconscious hides things it believes you can't handle." She explained. "Remember? It holds onto everything."

"And makes it instinct." I recalled.

"Sleeping is the best way to access the things stored there." She went on. "It might not happen overnight, but the more you work on that part of your mind, the better chance you have of tapping into this ability."

"But I don't know how to do that."

"That's the hard part." She sighed. "Most humans aren't able to control their subconscious, but I think you can. You have such a strong connection to it and the instincts stored there, I think it's possible. I just don't know where to start teaching you how to."

I was quiet now. When I closed my eyes, and it relieved me to do so, I knew that sleeping would be possible. I had to consider it, though. If I could see anything regarding Bella, and I could somehow help them help her, I could begin to gain some kind of real worth. I could take the first step to repaying them for everything they did for me.

I had to admit, though. I was scared. What kind of things would I see if whatever that 'vision' had been was still there? I remembered the dream I had about my mom. Seeing her misery had hurt so much, but Bella meant a lot to me, because she meant a lot to the family. I liked her. I didn't want to see whatever might be wrong, but the temptation to be helpful in any kind of way eventually won.

"I can try." I mumbled quietly, looking over at her. "Just.. Leave the room dark. I don't want this stupid headache to come back."

"Are you sure, Leandra?" She asked, but I didn't miss the slight hint of hope in her voice. In answer, I scooted forward and laid down with a heavy sigh, and as if on cue, I yawned.

"It's worth a try." I said anyway.

She stood up and turned to face me. "I just want you to be prepared, in case what you find isn't good." That made me a little nervous, but I'd already considered that.

"I know."

She nodded a little, and I rolled over, curling up on my side. I couldn't help finding the irony. I hated sleeping, because of the things that I saw in my dreams. Now, I was purposefully going to sleep to find those dreams.

I didn't hear Alice leave the room, but I knew she had. Giving me the privacy I needed to fall asleep.

I snoozed for quite awhile before I actually did fall asleep, but once I had fallen asleep, it felt like no time at all before I was opening my eyes again. Panic washed through me instantly at the fact that the room was pitch dark around me. I couldn't see anything, and my automatic reaction was to panic.

It took me a second to remember why the room was dark, but by then, Jasper had helped me start calming down. I sighed heavily, hiding my face in my pillow in an attempt to calm down further. I hated the darkness so much. It hurt me and scared me in every single possible way.

I continued to lay there, searching my mind for any hint for what I fell asleep looking for. I didn't recall a single thing. Not even a dream about Jack. Or what happened during the last few days. Nothing.

"Nothing." I mumbled out loud. "But my headache is gone."

I was starving, though. So I knew I had to venture out into the daylight.

To my surprise, there was no daylight. It was already nighttime, so I'd been asleep for awhile. That also explained why it was so dark in my room. My head was still sore, but it wasn't painful. I wasn't worried about that particular headache coming back. I just felt more tired than usual.

"Hey." Bella greeted me as I arrived in the living room. Was she sleeping out here?

"No." Edward replied to that question. "Her sleeping pattern is a little off." Glancing to the clock, it was just passed 8:30. "Apparently, so is yours."

"Mine's always off." I muttered. I yawned as I sat on the couch with Bella. "Hey."

"Did you sleep well?" She just wanted conversation.

"Too good." I replied, almost disappointed. "How 'bout you?"

"I had a nap." She smiled a little. I nodded, falling quiet as I looked down.

I looked over at Carlisle after a moment of thought. "Can I go for a walk tomorrow?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea." He replied, and I whined.

"Please?" I asked. "I won't go as far as Andrew's house. I'll stay closer."

"I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I want to be one-hundred percent sure you're okay before you're allowed out on your own."

I sighed, looking back down. I knew he was right.

"You're allowed to just wander?" Bella asked, and I smiled a little, despite my disappointment.

"Yeah." I replied. "Long story. It helps me clear my head."

"My mom would have flipped." She laughed a little, adjusting her blanket over her legs.

"Nah." I shook my head. "I never go far. Plus it's safe for me now."

I glanced around, and could instantly tell why she wanted to talk to me. Nobody else said anything. Probably unhappy about her decision, and dwelling on it. Watching her as if at any second she'd fall over dead. Even Edward was watching from the chair across the coffee table. That really had to get annoying and depressing.

I remembered what it was like to be watched like that when I wasn't sleeping, so I did my best to act as normal as I could. I wouldn't ask her about it, I wouldn't even bring it up. She needed someone to treat her normally.

"It sucks after awhile sitting around all the time." I continued, slouching a little on the couch.

"Let's get shorty a hamster wheel." Emmett suggested from where he stood.

"Or build me a tree house." I joked, looking back at him.

"You want a tree house?" He asked, perking up. "I could do that. I'll build you the best damn tree house."

"Sure." I laughed a little. "I won't say no to a tree house." I hesitated, looking to Carlisle. "If it's okay."

"I don't see why not. As long as it's kept close." He agreed to that, and I smiled. I was suddenly cheered up. I might not have been able to go anywhere, but a tree house would certainly help keep me occupied for awhile.

"Jasper." Emmett called excitedly. "We're building a tree house. Let's go."

"Right now?" Jasper asked, suddenly beside the couch. He glanced at me.

"Right now." Emmett confirmed. "We can use those benches from the wedding."

"Save one." Alice requested, arriving to sit to my other side.

"That was so random." To my surprise, Bella was laughing.

"What kind of big brother would I be if I didn't build my sister a tree house as soon as she commands it?" Emmett asked, mildly shocked as he steered Jasper toward the door. "If unicorns existed, I'd bring her one of those too."

"I'm not commanding it." I defended myself. "You brought it up, and I don't want a unicorn. My luck, it'd kick me in the face."

He only grinned in response, leaving the house into the darkness outside. I had a feeling he was only trying to be productive, but hell. A tree house would be really cool.

"Leandra, honey, are you hungry?" Esme came walking in, and I immediately nodded. "Dinner is ready."

I jumped up.

"Bella?" Esme prompted, but I was already at the counter and the plate sitting in my usual spot. I was picking up my fork before I'd even fully sat down. I glanced back to see Bella standing up as well.

I definitely felt better after eating, but Bella didn't seem to be that hungry.

I was cuddled back in bed surprisingly not long later, and I found the longer I fought sleeping, the more tired I got. Forcing my eyes to stay open in the dark, the more often I had to close them. Until eventually, I didn't open them again.

My dreams took a different turn tonight. One I hadn't really been on before. I revisited parts of the day I first met Alice and Edward. The day I first met Carlisle, and Esme. Everyone. In a sense, that day had been almost as traumatizing as the rest of my life had been, but in a much different way.

Hiding behind that exam table as everything I knew was crumbled up around me. The day absolutely everything changed.

Yeah, it had certainly been for the best, but at the time, I had no way of knowing that. All I'd wanted back then was to go home. To go back to familiar, and continue being invisible. Everything happened extremely quickly, and I had no way of being prepared for it.

I remembered how scared I was that entire time. Even after learning that I was lucky enough to get to go home with them. I hadn't known it, but I was the luckiest kid in the world the second Carlisle thought to look closer.

Not knowing it, though, made for some intense fear for really the first few months. It was safer to be afraid than it was to let my guard down.

But remembering that intense fear messed with my head now. Maybe that's what kept me from moving forward. I didn't blame anyone for everything changing, and I knew I was much better off now, but the floor had dropped out from under me that day. That was the day I was dumped in this figurative ocean and I'd been drowning ever since.

I had no idea why I woke up crying the way I was, as the only memories fresh in my mind were my own. It was probably the fear, but there was also a lot of understanding that went into those memories now.

"Oh, honey.." Esme murmured sadly, seated beside me. She didn't know that I was okay, but just struggling to shake off the hopelessness and the helplessness those memories brought forward. It also didn't help that I also still had the memory of Jack's angry voice shouting in the back of my mind.

Esme comforted me the best she could, but I couldn't tell her what my dream had been about, and I couldn't tell her what thoughts and memories had resulted from that dream. Not without making her somehow feel bad.

"I'm sorry." I finally cried, pulling back. "I didn't see anything."

"It's okay, honey." She told me. "It's alright."

"I don't want to go back to sleep." I shook my head a little, my voice trembling. "Can I try later?" I didn't want to see that again.

"Of course, sweetie." She told me. "Come on." She helped me out of bed, taking my hand. I stuck close to her side, holding tight to her hand. I was feeling insecure, more than I had at any point recently, and I really didn't want to be alone. I needed company, and I was overwhelmingly thankful she didn't insist I try to go back to sleep.

"Must have been a bad one." Emmett murmured, and I could only nod and cry a little more. Esme sat with me on the now vacant couch, holding me against her side.

To my further embarrassment, I looked to Edward standing a few feet away with Carlisle. Talking quietly, but his glance to me told me he knew. He'd seen and heard everything my mind put me through tonight.

"Jasper is still gone." Emmett murmured. "He'll be back soon, though. They weren't going far."

"No." I mumbled. "I won't ask him for help. He's done plenty for me, and I'm tired of being someone else's problem."

It was true. Asking Jasper for help would only embarrass me further right then, and that was something I really couldn't handle. I just wanted company. I wasn't asking for anything, but having someone around me. That's all I really wanted.

"Shorty, he doesn't mind." Emmett told me, frowning a little. I shook my head, wiping tears from my cheeks.

"I'll be fine." I replied. "I don't need help."

"Do you at least want to talk about it?" Esme asked as she softly cleared my hair from my flushed face, and at first, I really didn't. I didn't know how to tell her no, though, because of the pure concern I saw in her eyes.

"I'll be okay." I finally mumbled, shaking my head a little again. A blush on my cheeks I wish would go away burned my skin gently, and I couldn't make myself look up. I hated the thought that I was adding worry to everyone's concern, making me feel just horrible.

"You know you can talk to us about anything, shorty." Emmett reminded me, and I closed my eyes briefly.

"I know." I said. "I just don't want to right now."

I doubted it would ever come up again, unless I woke up again. I still hadn't the slightest clue as to why I'd suddenly think about that time, because nothing had been brought up about it. Then again, not many of my dreams waited for them to be mentioned. They chose when to come forward.

"I think I might have another bad day soon." I admitted quietly, watching my hands.

So much of my life back then, before I was found, was such a blur, so much of it mixing into much of the other years of my life, but there were crystal clear memories in there somewhere. I'd only found one tonight, but there were plenty more. They would come up. They would make themselves known, and I would be left like this. Sniffling on the couch, unable to say a word about them because of the shame they all made me feel.

Edward glanced to me again, and I cursed silently.

Please, I thought. Not a word.

The second I met his eyes across the room, I knew he wouldn't give anything away. Now was really not the time to go on a trip down memory lane, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it, and he'd just be along for the ride.

I knew Edward would be in for a very disturbing time while he was here. Me, unable to keep my thoughts from wandering and headed quickly for a bad night, and him, unable to keep himself from hearing every bit of it.

 **A/N:** **Holy crackers, batman. I apologize if it got a little confusing there in spots. It was just a bit hard trying to find the right words. It's been so SO so busy for me lately, but I hope that didn't come through here.  
Busy next few days coming up too, so eleven might take awhile. I'm actually debating on leaving a major part of the chapter in there or not. I hate doing that, but I'm really debating. We'll have to see whether or not Leandra lets me get rid of it. She's very persuasive lol  
** **As with every chapter, I LOVE my reviews. THANK YOU guys for taking the time. Reviews make my whole day better. Always.  
Until next chapter, guys. Stay sane, and I'll do my best to do the same. Time to settle down with some chocolate, and forget about life while I can.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"I said a tree _house_." I stared upward. "Not a tree _mansion_. Four walls, a roof and a floor."

The tree house itself was pretty big. It was two houses, spanning between two different trees and connected by a short bridge between them. I hadn't been up there yet, but from what I could see, it was massive. There was no way they only used the wood from the wedding benches.

"This isn't a tree mansion. It's a tree fortress. I want you able to see anything coming a mile away." Emmett called down at me, and I laughed a little. I wandered forward, gripping the thick rope that hung down from one of the higher branches. It went higher than I could really see, and had thick knots tied into it all along the length. That wasn't the only way to get up there, though.

They had decided to build a spiraling staircase all along the trunk, thankfully, in case I chose that way.

But the rope caught my attention. I was curious. I was fully aware I shouldn't be doing anything strenuous, but it was too tempting. I jumped up on it, finding a knot to hold onto and pulled myself up.

I'd gotten pretty good at climbing recently, so I could probably make it.

"Shorty." Emmett laughed. "You're not supposed to be on that yet."

"Then why'd you put it up already?" I asked, pulling myself up higher. He didn't answer, so I knew I'd gotten him.

I used my feet just as much as I used my hands, pushing myself up as I pulled. The knots in the rope really helped me do that, and before I even knew it, I had reached the ledge. The rope fed through a small opening in the floor of the 'balcony', so I squeezed through it, and landed on my butt.

"Ow." I panted a small laugh, looking at my sore hands.

"You could have used the stairs." Emmett chuckled, helping me to my feet.

"I wanted to see if I could still do it." I replied, dusting my hands off. I wanted to look around.

"Next time, just use your arms." He suggested with a smirk.

"No way." I shook my head.

Thankfully, the inside of the tree house was a lot simpler than it looked like it would be. Of course it had windows, and doors, and both "rooms" were very sturdy, but it wasn't that hard to be comfortable in.

Both rooms were identical, but the left room had a small loft with an all-glass ceiling over it to look up or out over the forest and the river below, but the rest of the "room" was normal. Walls and a normal ceiling. The other, right-side room was mostly made up of floor-to-ceiling windows for a better view. I smiled all the way through my little tour, unable to help it.

"Well?" He asked as if my smile wasn't enough.

"I love it." I replied, looking up the ladder at the loft.

"I thought you might." He grinned. "And who knows? When it warms up, you might want to spend some nights out here. If you need alone time that your room isn't enough for, you got this." He pointed at me. "But no boys allowed on sleepovers."

I gave him a look before I turned and hugged him. He returned it easily.

"I'm sorry I've been such a pain lately." I muttered.

"You've got a lot on your mind." He waved it off. "It's not easy being eleven."

"Maybe I should just go back to being ten." I sighed, stepping back. "Just for a few more years."

"If I could make that happen for you, I would." He replied, and I smiled a little.

"I wish you could." I admitted. "Everything was easier then."

"Was it?" He asked, skeptical, and I hesitated.

"In some ways, yeah." I answered. "Nobody worried about me like they do now, and I wasn't in the middle of getting some stupid gift."

"Shorty, your ability isn't stupid." He corrected me lightly, lifting me off my feet and setting me up on the loft. "Do you even know how awesome it is that you're getting it now?"

"While I'm human?" I asked for clarification.

"Exactly." He said. "Especially as much as you are. Even if you can't remember it now, you've _seen_ things. You're a human. Just think about that for a second. Normal humans usually can't do the things you do."

"I told you I'm not normal." I smirked a little, before it faded. "But it hurts so bad lately. I know that's what's making my head hurt so much all the time, but I can't do anything to stop it."

"How do you feel now?" He asked, watching as I sat down on the floor of the loft. He was probably still worried after my climb.

"I'm okay right now." I assured him, which was true. "It only hurts a tiny bit, but I can mostly ignore it. Mostly, I try not to think about it, because when I think about it, it's like it remembers to hurt."

"That sounds like hell."

"Nah." I shook my head a little. "My mind does worse things to me all the time. Nothing's worse than being reminded all day, every day of everything I just wanna forget. Even feeling like I'm getting stabbed in the head."

He offered a small smile, and I knew he wasn't able to do much else. I didn't blame him.

"I wish I knew how to help you." He admitted.

"You built me a house." I smiled a little. "Now I can feel like crap out here."

Overnight, my tree house had been furnished. Nothing extravagant. A few bean-bag chairs here or there. Ones I could move myself how I liked them. A small sectional couch up in the loft, along with a book case against the side wall holding a simple plant, a few books, and a lot of drawing supplies.

The other side was more simple. More bean-bag chairs and a table with another little plant. Both rooms had curtains now, and a few pictures hung on the walls. Both rooms now had a large area rug, and at least two battery-operated lights. A few large throw pillows only helped make things more comfortable.

There was a lot more space than I thought, and I had a feeling I'd be using it a lot. It already felt like a little home away from home, but still at home. A lot of thought went into this tree house, and I couldn't help admiring their dedication.

I didn't want to be rude and immediately move out there, so I admired it from afar for as long as I could. I could just see it out the living room window, but I knew they could tell how excited I was about it. I had no idea how much I'd love it. It was beautiful, even from the outside, and it was just built and given to me. For no reason.

Seeing my distraction, Bella laughed a little at me.

"Mind if I take a tour?" She asked, and I instantly stood up.

"Sure." I agreed, and despite how uncomfortable I knew that made everyone else, and she stood up. She still seemed fine to me, so I didn't feel like treating her like cracked glass.

I led her outside, and I knew she'd choose to use the stairs. The steps were wide and textured, and the hand rail was very sturdy, so I didn't at all doubt its safety. Even wet, it would still be safe.

"Wow." She laughed as soon as the little tour was over. "I'm surprised it doesn't have a slide."

"Emmett says I can have a swing if I want." I shrugged, falling into a bean bag chair. "But nah. I don't really want one. I love it just like it is."

"I would have loved something like this when I was your age." She smiled, looking around.

"Not that I don't still love my room." I added, and she shook her head.

"I can't imagine it'd be very easy to have some privacy in a house full of vampires." She said, and I shrugged again. She had been getting an idea lately.

"It never really bothered me that much." I admitted. "I love my family. Even if I sometimes yell at them. It's nice having someone to be with when I don't wanna be alone. Like even if I don't need them, they know I will, and it's nice."

She smiled again. "So it's never bothered you? That they're vampires?"

"No." I replied honestly. "I think because I got to know them a little before I even found out. All that mattered to me was that they'd helped me, and they'd treated me way better than I'd ever been treated by anyone else. That, and it was hard not to notice things, so I think I had an idea that they were different before they told me."

She nodded.

"You?" I was curious.

"No." She replied just as honestly. "I mean, it did take some getting used to. It's not every day you find out vampires exist." I laughed a little. "But that didn't take very long. It's hard to imagine what they must mean to you." I knew why she worded it like that.

"A lot." I answered easily. "Everything. I wouldn't trade anything for the world." And it was true. Without them, all of them, I didn't have a thing. I'd turned my back on both my biological parents, and most of humanity, but that didn't bother me.

I watched as she finally chose to sit in another bean bag chair. She was an extra step more careful, I noticed. Her movements were fluid, but slow in a way I hadn't ever seen in anyone else before.

She was quiet for a moment, like there was something she wanted to talk about, but wouldn't.

"You can talk to me, you know." I mumbled, and she looked over. "I might get in fights, but that's with other humans."

"Why?" She asked, curious. I could have given her my usual answer for that question, but for some reason, it seemed wrong to do that.

"Because I'm always afraid." I said eventually. "Not of.. Anyone, really, but.. From the time I wake up, and even all the way through sleeping, I'm always afraid." I kept my eyes down. "I've always been afraid, so it's not anyone here, but I like being here. Here.. I know I don't have to be afraid. It doesn't make it go away, but here, I know I don't have to be. So.. I fight to stay."

"Literally?"

"Sort of." I replied. "I know hitting people is wrong, but another part of me doesn't care. They hurt me, so I hurt them back. Being suspended is just an extra bonus. My family keeps me safe. Yeah, I like to wander around sometimes, but I can trust now that they'll always be here when I come back."

"So how different is that now that I'm here?"

"Kinda." I allowed quietly. "Only because I'm so used to being the one they watch like they watch you. I have a lot of problems, but nothing like what you've got going on right now."

"Think they're mad at me?" I could see where she might get that idea.

"Not mad." I shook my head immediately. "They're not mad at you. They're afraid for you. You can tell them every minute of every day that you're fine, but they're still gonna worry. Because it's not easy for them to not know what to do."

She seemed satisfied with that answer, nodding to herself.

"Trust me." I said. "It takes a lot to piss them off. I've only done it a few times, but even that, I think, was just them a little more annoyed than usual. They weren't even mad at me when I accidentally cut my thumb." Reminded, I brought my hand up to inspect my thumb. It really hadn't been that long ago, so I wasn't too surprised to find that I still had a thick scab over the split, but I pretty much left it alone.

I held it out for her to look.

"What happened?" She asked, surprised.

"I was cutting an apple too hard." I admitted.

"I mean when you cut yourself. What happened?"

"Oh." I knew what she meant. "Jasper lost it for a minute, but I'm fine." She stared at me in disbelief. "What?"

She laughed humorlessly. "How are you fine? Because I've been there too."

"I dunno." I shrugged. "I was scared for a few days, but I was more afraid that Jasper would wanna leave."

"And you forgave him?" She wasn't surprised about this part. More curious than anything.

"It wasn't his fault." I easily replied. "It was mine, so yeah. I don't think I've ever felt so bad about anything in my life, and I have a lot to feel bad about. I've done some pretty stupid stuff. I was stupid enough to let Jack in the house, but _that_.. Was _really_ hard to apologize for."

"Wait." She sat forward a little. "I didn't hear about that part. Jack was here? When?" I'd forgotten for a second that particular set of rules. Bella was Charlie's daughter. Charlie was a cop, that would definitely be interested in a detail like that involving someone's unexpected death.

"Uhh.." I hesitated. "No."

"But you just said-"

"No one's supposed to know that." I sighed. "I just forgot til I said something." Inevitably, remembering those few details sparked more memories of that same day.

"I'm not going to tell anyone." She assured me. "Why would I?"

"How much did Edward tell you?" I asked flatly.

"All he'd mentioned is that he died." She said. "Nothing else. He didn't say what happened."

"Emmett happened." I glanced up to see her surprise. I could see her emotions written across her face. She was surprised initially, but I could see how it dawned on her what I was saying.

She finally laughed, surprised. "Hell yeah. Good job, Emmett."

"That don't freak you out?" It was my turn to be surprised.

"No, it doesn't." She replied. "Because I know they love you, and would do whatever it takes to protect you. I can definitely see an exception being made in Jack's case." She was quiet for a second. "I am surprised they told you about it, though."

"I'm not that fragile." I said. "Plus, they didn't have to say anything. I kinda figured it out when Emmett dragged him away."

"Well, I can't say I disagree with it." She sighed. "From the things I've heard, it was long overdue."

I nodded a little.

The following day, I was allowed to leave, but I was only gone long enough to go get Andrew and walk him back here. I wanted him to be the first of my friends to see the tree house. I understood the rule about no sleeping over, at least up here, but I knew during the day would be okay. Not like it mattered. I wasn't going to get into any trouble.

"School is so boring without you." I knew the conversation would go that way. "I miss seeing you everyday."

"Sorry." I replied honestly. "Maybe sometimes, I could meet you after, and I can walk with you back home."

"Maybe." He agreed, but sighed. He seemed kind of down.

"What else is wrong?"

"Just usual stuff." He shrugged. I knew he was lonely. His dad worked all the time, and he couldn't spend every day over at Josh and Zack's house. He didn't have many other friends, because he was a lot like me. Not in a violent way, but more of a keeps-to-himself way. That was part of what made us such close friends.

"I'll try to be around more often." I assured him. "It's just been.. Kinda weird lately."

"I know." He replied. "You've got your own stuff going on. I don't like bugging you about it."

I shook my head. "You're not bugging me."

We sat there for a minute. Out of nowhere, my head started to hurt. For the first time in days, my head started to hurt, but it wasn't gradual. The pain was suddenly flooding through my head.

Unable to help it, I leaned forward and my breath caught. This time, I was worried. I was always the one playing it down, or downright fibbing about how bad it was. This time, I was worried.

"Leandra?" Andrew asked, leaning forward as well.

I closed my eyes tight behind my hands shielding them. "Ow.."

"What's wrong?" He was extremely worried now.

"My dad." I gasped behind a sob without thinking. "I need my dad."

He seemed confused for only a second before he was suddenly bolting up and sprinting for the door. I couldn't look up enough to see which way down he'd chosen.

I wasn't sitting there more than a minute before they were back.

"I don't know what I did." I sobbed as soon as I heard the door open. "I didn't even do anything." My eyes were pouring tears again, because the pressure was unreal.

"We were just sitting here." Andrew confirmed instantly.

"Look at me." Carlisle told me, and I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was my hand moving away from my forehead.

Half a second before it did.

My heart dropped sharply, and I gasped in in surprise. I physically started, reaching down and gripping the chair firmly. It felt like my entire brain was stunned at once. I hadn't the slightest clue what the hell that had been, but I didn't like that at all. It was the weirdest feeling in the world.

"Leandra?" Carlisle prompted. I finally looked at him, and I knew exactly what he was seeing in my eyes. He didn't wait, or ask again. He nodded a little, picked me up, and embarrassingly, carried me back into the house. Andrew followed every step of the way.

I forced my breathing to even out, and I kept my eyes closed tightly, just trying to get passed the nauseating pain long enough to think straight. I had a pretty decent reason not to let this beat me down for another few days.

"Is she okay?" Andrew asked again on our way through the house. I felt myself watched the entire way, so I knew everyone else was aware.

"I'm fine." I muttered. I knew how stupid that sounded, but I felt even more stupid.

I could sense the difference. I wasn't fighting it, but I wasn't letting it have free reign anymore either. Sitting in the darkness of my room helped, but having Andrew there also helped. He was really worried at first, but we explained that it was just something that happened now and then. I'd eventually be fine.

I hadn't decided yet if I even wanted to bring up the other part of it to my family. I wouldn't even know how to explain it.

This was getting old. Really quick.

So we spent the rest of his visit in my room with as little light as possible. He didn't even seem to mind, knowing it was the only way I could function. I explained that because of these headaches, I might not be able to get out as often as I wanted to, and he understood.

Emmett volunteered to drive him home after dinner, and instead of risking bringing my headache back full force, I just went to sleep. I wasn't in search of any answers. All I wanted was some relief.

I did have to admit, though. That one hadn't been nearly as bad as the one before it. As I was falling asleep, I thought back to that moment. I realized why Andrew was confused.

I'd told him that I needed my dad, and I knew he thought I meant my biological dad, because every other time, I'd always referred to Carlisle by his name, and that was fine. I'd been hesitant to assign titles, but in the moment I really needed him, that didn't matter.

I wasn't sure if it would stick, or be permanent, but I was okay with that. That was the hardest role to fill. I felt like I was changing just as much as everything else around me, and I'd need someone like Carlisle on my side.

Unsurprisingly, I was fine in the morning. Whatever it was had straightened itself out, and I was able to rejoin the world outside the dark. I was getting used to seeing the living room constantly crowded now. Even Rose and Jasper stayed around.

"I'm glad I was close." I mumbled, sitting with a sigh beside Esme. I wanted to share her chair today.

"Me too, shorty." Emmett replied, knowing what I was referring to. That headache would have sucked to get at Andrew's house, or worse, along the highway.

"Do you remember meeting Eleazar, Leandra?" I looked over at Edward's question.

"Yeah." I didn't need to point out. He could see it.

"He has an ability of his own. He can sense the abilities in others." Oh, that was pretty cool. "One detail you weren't told, was that he warned us about yours."

"Warned?" I asked, surprised.

"Should we be telling her this now?" Esme asked, but she wasn't outright banning the subject. The fact that Esme even had a shred of doubt about it made me instantly interested.

"It's one of the reasons we're so curious." Edward explained. "He told Carlisle, seconds after he first met you, that it was bigger than anything he'd seen. In this specific category, of course."

I was a little cautious now. "Okay?"

"And definitely bigger than anything he'd ever seen in a human." He went on. "He said it was coming forward with a force too strong to stop. As badly as I wished you could take a little while to adjust to it, I can see that he was right."

I looked down. I could now see where he was going with this. I wasn't exactly against talking about this, though. Maybe he could get me some answers.

"I got a look yesterday at what the potential is." He sighed.

"What happened?" Esme asked him.

"She had a vision."

"Wait, you didn't say that yesterday." Emmett frowned a little. "Why are we just now hearing about this?"

"I needed her permission." Edward replied easily. Which he'd just gotten.

"What was it?" Jasper was the one to finally ask.

"It was only set a second ahead." He answered. "The time between blinks, but the interesting part about it, was the fact that that happened immediately after Andrew had made a decision."

"So what does that mean?" Emmett asked, clearly still as confused as I was about that part.

"That's what I've spent the night half focused on." Edward replied. "The theory that sounds most probable, is that this decision of hers would impact her. So her mind attempted to warn her. It's clearly not ready for that just yet, so it showed her something simple instead."

That made a lot of sense, but that scared me a little. That.. Vision, had been real. I literally experienced it half a second before it even happened. I felt every bit of the movement.

"But my headache had already been there before I saw that." I pointed out.

He nodded. "It took it a moment." He looked toward Carlisle. "It was enough for me to know that the rest isn't far off. She's human, and able to actually have visions. It's no wonder her head hurts her. It's constantly busy, but I think with time, that'll stop."

Thinking about it this way, though, answered a lot of my questions so suddenly. I felt better about it.

"So what was the decision the kid made?" Emmett asked that one. I didn't even have to think about that. It really was as if that answer had always been there, despite the fact that there's no way I could have known it before.

"Ugh." I sighed. "He was gonna try to kiss me."

I wasn't surprised when Emmett started laughing, and I gave him a look.

"Not him too!" He said when he could.

"I know, right?" I suddenly agreed with him. I was mostly just relieved he wasn't going to tease me about it. Even Bella laughed from where she sat quietly.

"Curtains stay open." Emmett pointed at me, and I gave him another look at his sudden scolding. "One day, it's not going to be gross to you anymore, and I don't want to drop that ball."

"It's always gonna be gross." I said. "I promise. Don't even worry."

"We'll see." He shrugged. "But still. Open curtains." I rolled my eyes and looked down, much to his further amusement. "That was the most teenage thing I've ever seen you do." Okay, that was kind of funny.

"So what do you think this means for her?" Carlisle asked, still on the original subject. His eyes on Edward.

"There isn't much we can do." Edward replied. "I just think we should brace ourselves for anything at this point. One good thing to keep in mind is the fact that she wouldn't be developing it if she wasn't prepared to do so, so I don't think we need to worry about any damage."

That was a kind of relief, but I could still see they were worried. I wasn't sure why.

"What else did Eleazar say?" I asked, looking toward Edward.

"Nothing specific." Was his reply, but I really had a feeling that that wasn't true.

"How comfortable are you with them?" Esme asked, and I didn't know how to answer. I shrugged. I'd only ever met them once, so I really wasn't sure.

"Why?"

"They're stuck on where to put you for safe keeping in case I need to be turned." Bella explained.

"Oh." I hadn't even thought about that. I was pretty sure they were waiting for me to mind that little bit of information. "Well.. For how long?"

"It could be awhile." Esme murmured sadly. I knew enough to know that they couldn't just let Bella loose after she was turned. I remembered back when the newborns were in Seattle, and they said it took months to train a newborn. Sometimes longer.

Nowhere I thought of would probably keep me for months without me losing my mind. I'd go nuts stuck with my dad. Andrew's dad might let me stay a few days, but he was working so much.

Heather was an option, but there was still the issue of the sudden headaches I'd been getting. She wouldn't understand, and she'd panic. Same went for every other human option.

Plus the homesickness I'd feel would be an issue, which was probably why they considered the cousins an option at all. I'd still technically be with family, but it was obvious I couldn't stay here. That would just be asking for something to go wrong.

I didn't feel like dying, so I hated it, but I knew it would be for the best.

"I don't know." I replied after a moment. "I might have to think about that for awhile."

"You have time to decide." She assured me, and I could see she was just thankful that I didn't get mad. I wasn't exactly known these days for thinking rationally, but there were so many things about me that had to be considered when choosing a place for me to go.

I nodded, sighing.

From there, about a week passed without anyone even realizing it. My sleep hadn't gotten any better, but I accepted it. I'd been there plenty of times before, so it was nothing new.

I spent more time than I meant to in the tree house.

It was very calming in there, and the silence was something I really appreciated. I also appreciated knowing that my family was just right there if I needed them, but Emmett wasn't wrong. Being a little bit further away helped me. I almost got to believe that I was alone in my head.

As time passed, my headache didn't come back, which was a pretty big relief. I could spend as much time out there as I wanted.

Since my headaches were no longer an issue, I was allowed to leave. Probably to keep me from having to watch Bella's health fading fast. I wasn't surprised that they'd picked up on the fact that it was making me uncomfortable.

Staying with the pattern, Bella's stomach grew a month and a half in that week. That had to be the weirdest thing I'd ever witnessed in my life. As the baby grew, her health faded along with it. She was still alright, but she now _looked_ sick, and it was worrying to watch.

So over the next week, I started to wander.

I spent my days just going. No real destination in mind, but I'd covered probably the entire town enough to know the ins and outs pretty well. I spent some time with Andrew, and Josh and Zack, but for once, their normalcy was beginning to grate on me. I couldn't pretend to be normal while Bella was at home, and everything about me felt wrong.

I couldn't keep watching it, so I left.

Today, I'd started out in the tree house, but that wasn't enough. I felt restless today, something I'd learned to start listening to, but the only way to ease it was to go. Somewhere, anywhere, just go.

I should have gone inside to let them know I was leaving, but I decided against that. Truthfully, I just didn't want to risk going in there and seeing Bella. I wasn't sure what made me uncomfortable about it, but I didn't really question it, either. It just did.

It was a stupid move, leaving without permission. I knew it from the start, but I couldn't just sit still today. Not with the way I felt.

I never considered visiting other towns, so I didn't need any money. I was still reluctant to attempt that, as Port Angeles didn't hold many good memories for me, and neither did Seattle. Then again, neither did Forks, or Sappho. I was beginning to really hate Washington altogether.

I had to get out of the house, though. I felt so bad, just escaping while Bella was stuck there, but I'd never seen the family that tense. It wasn't their fault, but I had enough on my mind without sticking around and letting myself be tense as well.

Not only that, but two humans in the house only added to the human scent already there. Probably driving them nuts. The more often I was out, the easier I made it on my family.

Long story short, I was troubled. Very much so. My dreams had yet to show me anything worth repeating, only torturing me slowly while I slept. Not that that was anything new, but these were so much more vivid than before.

As if I had to see every memory I'd ever had like a movie, running while I slept and I couldn't turn it off or change a thing. I couldn't look away, forced to see everything having to do with my younger years until I felt like throwing up. Forced to endure everything all over again for reasons I had yet to figure out.

Wandering only made my dreams more vivid now, but I had to. I was making everything so much worse for myself, and I understood that, but there was no way I was sitting around waiting for Edward to finally have enough of my inner turmoil, and say something to someone. I refused to say a word, suffering in silence because I refused to be one more worry on their mind.

So I wandered relentlessly. Never this far, though.

They didn't need Edward to say anything. I knew that. They could tell by the way I hardly spoke anymore when I was home. Sitting off to the side, staring out the window as if the rain sliding slowly down the glass was the most interesting sight in the world. Hours and hours, just sitting there. Like before, but this was different.

This wasn't me being too tired to concentrate. This was more like concentrating too much. Permanently stuck in my head this time, instead of bothering to pretend that I was trying to concentrate on what was going on around me. The silence in the room only aiding in that, as Bella slept more and more these days.

I could handle quiet. I could do that, but the tense quiet, as if there were words that needed to be said made the silence suffocating, squeezing me until I had to get out.

So my task today was one thing. Walk as far as I could walk, and see where it got me.

I hadn't attempted this before, but here I was. I'd made it first into town, then through it, and then left it behind. Walking along the highway now. It was colder today than it had been, and being soaked with the misting rain didn't help any. My hands were curled in my jacket pockets, trying to warm them up.

It didn't really dawn on me until the moment. It just never occurred to me that the distance I'd just walked was the same distance I'd have to cover in order to get back home.

This was a stupid idea, I couldn't help telling myself. This was taking way too long, and as much as I had wandered around town lately, it hadn't prepared me for this. Not a bit.

From our house, it was maybe two miles of highway to town, of course not counting the long drive. Through town, from one end to the other in the direction I was going, was maybe three in itself. I was tired before I'd even left town, and now I was maybe three or four miles in the direction I needed to go. Most of the day was gone by now, though I'd left just before noon.

Tromping over deep underbrush between the trees on the left side of the highway made every step feel like two, and my feet literally felt like they were about to fall off.

I'd just started kicking myself for leaving the phone at home when I had to sit. I was going to hear about that later. My phone was in my room. I'd decided to leave from the tree house.

So here I was, way too far from home, without a way to call anyone, and in the middle of nowhere.

"Ow." I whimpered, once I was off my feet and the pain hit them. This was a very stupid idea.

Sitting there, I thought about my options. I was really too tired to keep going, but I had no choice. If I turned around now, three miles outside of town, I'd have walked six, and I'd have to get back to the other end of town before I had a place to rest and any hope of a ride back home. That thought was enough to make want to cry.

I could get a ride back from town as well if I was willing to find a phone to call someone from, but the only phone number I had memorized was Carlisle's.

All I was ever told was not to hesitate to call. Don't hesitate to call. I hesitated, because I knew this was stupid, but it sure beat sitting around and not being able to do a damn thing to help anyone.

Either way, though, I knew I'd found that 'how far' point so I had to turn back. I couldn't keep going in the trees though. It would only make this return trip harder.

Climbing out of the trees, I walked slower now. It really wasn't long at all until I spotted a car coming around the bend in the road ahead, but just like with all the others, I kept my eyes down. I really shouldn't have been surprised, but looking over, I was quite surprised as it slowed to a stop on the road beside me.

I wasn't used to seeing cars this nice from normal people around town.

I'd never seen this guy around before, but that was nothing new. A much older man looked my way. His graying hair looked once dark, but his eyes were a deep blue color. Like a little lighter version of dark storm clouds, set like stone under a firm brow.

He looked weary. Not tired, but like I felt. I stopped walking, holding my jacket tighter closed as I attempted to study his face. He waved me over.

My first impression was that I didn't like him, but he'd done nothing wrong, and the poor guy looked lost. Which was the only reason I decided to stop and approach the passenger side of his car.

"Pardon my language, little lady, but where the hell is Forks?" He asked and I couldn't help laughing. It was clear he wasn't from around here, given his tanned skin. He seemed nice enough, so I stepped a little closer to the car.

"Like a few miles back that way." I pointed behind me. "It's easy to miss. You drove right through it." He seemed surprised.

"Damn. You mean, that was _it_?" He asked with a glance back, and I laughed again, nodding.

"That was it." I confirmed. "Not a lot to it."

"Say, are you from there?" He asked.

"Yeah." I nodded a little. "I know that town like the back of my hand. Are you looking for somewhere?" He leaned down, fumbling through papers on the passenger side floorboard of his car. He thrust a rather crumpled piece of paper quickly my way, and I jumped a little. Hoping he didn't notice, I took the paper from him, looking it over.

I knew exactly where that was.

"That's easy to find." I said. "Just turn around and head back into town. Just stay on the main street all the way through town. All the way to the other side. Right when you get to that coffee place, turn right. Go down that road, passed everything there and find Trillium avenue, and go left. Take that to the last street, and that'll take you right to it."

"Need a ride?" He asked, obviously not understanding me.

"Um.." I looked back toward town and I hesitated, not sure. I didn't trust this guy as far as I could throw him, but at the same time, I knew exactly where he was going. I was tempted because of how tired I was, and I had to admit, I wanted to know why he was going there.

A ride back to town didn't sound horrible. It sounded like a relief. Even if it was from a stranger, but if he had this address, maybe he was okay. My feet were thinking for me.

I sighed. "Sure."

"Get in." He smiled a little, gesturing to the passenger seat. I handed him the paper back, and reached down. Opening the passenger door and climbing in. It was such a relief just to sit out of the relentless mist and start warming up.

After rolling up the window, he pulled a quick U-Turn, and headed back the way he came. I comforted myself with the thought that he was taking me back into town, so he seemed honest enough.

In the silence at first, I watched him. Everything felt off about him. It was the weirdest feeling. It wasn't one particular thing.

"These little towns all look the same to me." He finally started a conversation. "Give me a big city, and I can find my way, no problem."

"Everything is marked in big cities." I pointed out. "Here, street signs are all you get." I wished he wouldn't try to make small talk. I was trying to ignore how stupid of a move this was, and he wasn't letting me. The guy needed help, though.

"Exactly." He nodded. "So what's a kid like you doing so far outside of town?"

"I was trying to.. Get somewhere, but that was a very stupid idea." I held my hands out to the heater vent closest to me, wincing a little.

"By yourself?" He asked. "I suppose small town kids are a lot different than city kids, but don't you know it's dangerous to walk alone? Aren't there bears and whatnot 'round here?"

"Bears and whatnot are usually smart enough to stay away from the highway." I answered with a little laugh. "I should be too."

"Well, I'm happy to give you a ride anywhere you're going." He offered. That was nice of him.

"Thanks, but I don't wanna get in trouble."

"Ah." He nodded. "Parents don't know you went this far?"

"Nope." I smiled a little sheepishly, and he laughed. I looked over at him. "Where are you from?"

"I'm from a little place called San Diego." He answered easily. California.

"That's not little." I laughed, and he did as well.

"When compared to Forks, no. Not really." He replied, and I shrugged a little. Something was bugging me about his answer, but he didn't let me think about it for too long, as we'd reached town. "Now where?"

"Just keep going." I instructed him. "I'll tell you where you need to turn." He nodded.

"I really appreciate this." He said. "You have no idea."

"It's no problem." I replied. "Just curious. Why are you going there, anyway? To that house?"

"Should I not?" He asked innocently.

"My friends live there."

He seemed mildly surprised, glancing over at me. "Really? Small world." He was quiet for a moment, before he smiled. "Can I ask your name?"

He probably just wanted to confirm, and I was okay with that. "Leandra."

"Leandra." He repeated, nodding. He looked over at me again briefly. Oddly, he nodded again. "Leandra, huh?"

"Yup."

"Small world." He said again. I got the distinct impression that he knew that name. It was a little unsettling to me. I didn't feel like pushing anything, but it was a little strange to me. I sat quietly, and he did the same. Watching the scenery pass us by, it was kind of discouraging to see the difference in distance on foot versus getting a ride, but I didn't care that much.

"Start slowing down. You turn up here after this building." I told him lightly. With a nod, he did as I told him to. "Just let me out a little early, okay? I have to get back home."

If he was going there to visit, then I wouldn't expect a ride home, but I'd gotten back this far. The rest would be almost easy.

"Not a problem." He agreed instantly, which made me feel better, because I believed him.

"Keep going." I'd say when he'd look at me. I pointed out the street up ahead.

"Ah-ha." He laughed, taking the turn carefully. "Boy, this is out of the way."

"Not as much as other houses." I replied with a little laugh of my own.

"Where would you like me to drop you off?" He asked, glancing over at me.

"The beginning of the street is fine." I answered. "I can get back from there." I knew a shortcut. He nodded.

As he said he would, he let me out on the corner.

"Up this street, the... Third or fourth house on the left is the one you're looking for. The outside is light blue, with white trim." I said, pointing in the right direction.

"You have been a huge help, Leandra." He smiled warmly at me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." I said. "Thank you for the ride, and for not turning out to be a psycho."

He laughed. "You're very welcome. Take care, sweetheart."

With that, I started off, and he did too. I walked slowly to make sure he made it to Heather's house alright. Once I saw him slow in the right area, I went on.

I made it to the driveway almost easily from there, but my feet were killing me so it took me quite a bit longer than usual. I didn't make it very far along the drive before Emmett was suddenly walking beside me.

"You're in trouble." He informed me, and I sighed.

 **A/N: It's a little short, I know. I need to do a closure chapter soon. I only call it a closure chapter when I let her go nuts, and I need to follow up on everything. So I'd expect that soon.  
** **THANK YOU to my reviewers. I couldn't keep doing this without you guys. :) Well, I could, but it'd be hardly worth posting at all. You guys keep me going.  
** **There's a certain lack of estimation on chapter twelve, because.. Holidays. The last few weeks have been extremely busy for me, but I'm really hoping that everything will start slowing down about mid January. I'm glad, though, that I got this out before Christmas.  
** **Something I probably should have mentioned earlier, is that I'll be doing BD 1 and BD 2 in one story. So far, I'm pleased with how this is shaping up. Even if the descriptions are a little heavy. I apologize.  
Now to go enjoy the rest of my birthday, even if I am the only one celebrating. :) Happy birthday to me lol  
** **Until Twelve, everyone. (:**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

My walk back with Emmett was silent for the most part. I wasn't surprised I was in trouble, but I did want a little bit of a heads up.

"How bad?" I asked quietly.

"Bad." He confirmed. He was so calm, giving nothing away about anything. I needed details!

"I know, I know." I muttered in hopes of gaining a few mercy points. "I forgot the phone."

He nodded. "You did, but that's not the only reason."

"Alice told on me." I grumbled.

"Surprisingly, no." He replied lightly. "She didn't see anything going wrong at all."

"Because it didn't."

"She wasn't the one that told us what you've been up to today." He said. "Heather called."

That stranger must have brought up my name. I groaned, slouching as I walked. Now that I knew what all they knew, I wasn't that eager to get back.

"What's it gonna take, shorty?" He asked, looking down at me.

"It wasn't that big of a deal." I sighed heavily.

"Oh." He chuckled. "You're so wrong there. It's a very big deal." We stepped out of the trees, into the yard. "My advice? Accept the fact that you're in the wrong here. It'll go a lot smoother."

I took a breath, and nodded. I'd take his advice, because despite my nonchalance, I did know I was in the wrong. What I'd done out of desperation was a very stupid thing.

Emmett ushered me into the house, and I took my time taking off my jacket. It really needed to be hung up to dry. I kicked off my shoes as well, my aching feet thanking me by briefly hurting even more. I was still a little damp from my time in the misting rain, but I wasn't too worried about that.

"How mad are they?" I asked quietly, nervously looking up at Emmett. I saw a little bit of pity soften his expression, and I sighed. I was afraid of that.

I knew full well I had nothing to be scared of. I was only terrified of seeing that disappointment. Shame curled in my stomach. I hated that so much, and I knew it was unavoidable.

I continued to hesitate.

"Leandra." I closed my eyes at Carlisle's call. "Come in here, please." Beside me, Emmett gestured that I go first.

Of course.

I took a few more seconds before I made my way forward. I'd done some stupid things in my life here, but this was probably one of the stupidest. Even deciding to go that far at all.

Bella was even looking my way when I entered the living room, but I mostly kept my eyes down.

It was quiet for a moment, and the tension was killing me.

"I know." I finally started.

"Sit down." Carlisle was calm, but I knew he was far from happy. I could tell. I sighed again, that shame only getting worse as I did as I was told. I wasn't scared. I just really wasn't looking forward to trying to explain what the hell I'd been thinking.

I stepped forward and sat heavily in the closest chair, wincing a little.

"Leandra, I'd like an explanation." Carlisle spoke again. I wished I could play stupid, but that probably wouldn't get me very far.

"I don't know." Was my brilliant response.

"Well, you're the only one that would know." Rosalie snapped at me, and I flinched a little at her tone. She was actually mad at me, and I also knew that she was holding a whole lot back, so I just prayed that dam held.

"I _don't_." I insisted, sitting stiffly in my seat. "I _wanted_ to see how far I could get, but I didn't think about how I'd have to walk that same way back-"

"Leandra, you're smarter than that." Esme sighed heavily, and hearing her disappointment in the sound was just as bad as seeing it in her eyes so I kept my eyes down, studying my hands in my lap.

"I understand needing to go for a walk." Esme went on, thankfully instead of Rosalie. "But you knew to stay close. You knew not to leave here without a way to _call_ one of us, Leandra."

It was very hard to earn a solid scolding from Esme. She was on my side through almost everything, but right then she was scolding me, and I knew I'd earned it.

"But to hear from someone else that you'd accepted a ride _anywhere_ from a complete stranger?" She still had more. "I can't describe the complete panic."

"I was fine." I mumbled, probably at the worst possible time. "No big deal."

"The fact that you even said that proves you're not grasping the seriousness of what you did today." She replied nearly breathlessly. "And that terrifies me."

"So what?" I asked. "I know what I did was stupid, but I'm here now. Can we just drop it?"

"Leandra." Jasper muttered, and I looked over at him. I knew what he was getting at, and I took a deep breath.

"Okay." I sighed, which helped calm my increasing frustration. "I know, I know. Yeah, I was a little scared. He had Heather's address written down, and he needed to know how to get there. He was really nice, so I tried to tell him how to get there, but that just confused him more. So I let him give me a ride back that way."

"But what does it matter?" I added. "He didn't do anything but take me back to town. You guys are worrying over nothing."

"The point is he could have." Carlisle replied firmly. "He could have done so many things to you. It really concerns me that you'd make a decision like that, regardless of the circumstances."

Rosalie piped up next. "This isn't a game."

I closed my eyes. "I know, I know."

"No." She continued, stepping forward. I glanced up, and her arms were crossed, so she was still mad. "You're not hearing me. Every bit of you was at his discretion, and that is a big freakin' deal. He could have taken you, and nobody would have known you were gone. Understand? Like _that_." She snapped her fingers, pausing for emphasis.

"Nobody would have known to even look for you until tonight at least, when you didn't come back. In that time, absolutely anything could have happened to you. Did our entire conversation about Port Angeles not stick?"

I frowned. "B-But what about-"

"In case you haven't noticed, Leandra, we're stretched a little thin here." She snapped. "Which means Alice can't be watching out for every stupid decision you make."

"Babe." Emmett spoke from behind her, frowning.

"Too far." Esme corrected her as well, but I was already hurt. I was hurt, so my defensiveness sparked my anger. Anger ran my mouth for me. This was the part I hated getting to.

"Maybe sometimes I make stupid decisions, but at least it's better than sitting around here watching Bella die." I snapped back. "Because that _sucks_."

"Leandra." Esme corrected me next.

"You could be dead somewhere right now." Rosalie threw in, and I winced. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't want that job. I don't want to be the one scouring the trees, looking for whatever is left of you."

"Hey." This time, Alice joined the ones disapproving of what was said.

"Everyone, calm down." To my surprise, Bella was the one that spoke up. She spoke up right in time to keep me from saying something I knew immediately I would have regretted, but that anger was still there.

Instead of saying what I really wanted to say, I groaned loudly and stood up.

"We're not done." Carlisle spoke up before I could even turn to walk away.

"Then make _her_ leave!" I snapped, pointing to Rosalie. "I can't even talk with her around!"

"Rosalie." He looked at her. "Please. Let us handle this."

"Fine." She replied sharply. "Handle it." With that, she turned away and paced only a few steps away. It was quiet for several seconds, but I wouldn't sit back down. I wouldn't even look at them now.

"Leandra, I'm really not convinced that you understand just how much danger you put yourself in today." Carlisle finally said.

"I know!" I repeated. "I get it, okay? I know I'm stupid."

"You are not stupid." He replied immediately. "You're very smart. That's what makes this so frustrating."

I took a deep breath and held it, but it wasn't enough. That deep breath had calmed the anger enough to let my tears through. I hated this part too.

"Aw." Bella murmured at the sight, only embarrassing me further.

I wasn't standing there alone longer than a few seconds before Esme hugged me. I really appreciated that. More than I could describe. I knew she was still upset with me, but her hug told me she was still on my side too.

"Oh, trust me." Emmett replied to Bella's response. "Stick around long enough, you'll see this a lot. Shorty's a volcano, and that was mild."

I didn't bother attempting to correct him, because Esme was talking to me as she held me tightly.

"Go change into some dry clothes, sweetheart." She told me gently. "Go get warm. We'll talk more about this later." She was giving me an out, so I took it. I sniffled deeply, and nodded. Turning and walking away as quickly as I could.

I was going to go to my room, like Esme had told me, but I went out back instead. Nobody stopped me, so it must have been fine. I wanted more alone than my room could provide, and this was a good place to do that. It was harder to yell at me out here. The only problem was, I didn't have any clothes out here.

I hardly cared, though.

I chose the left side. The one with the loft. It comforted me quite a bit to be out here, especially as I laid down on the couch, and hugged a throw pillow. After today, I was convinced I could probably sleep out here just fine. I found it was a lot easier to calm down when I left before I got too mad, because I didn't break my own heart too much.

That was something I hadn't thought about. Rosalie sure hadn't gone into that kind of detail before when she lectured me about Port Angeles. I just didn't understand it. Didn't they trust me to make my own decisions? Stupid question, I knew, because I often made the wrong one, but I knew that guy wasn't going to be trouble. I was perfectly fine. Better than I had been when I was stuck out there by myself.

I closed my eyes, resting them.

I stayed there for a few hours, hating to consider the things Rosalie had said. I understood now that things could have gone really wrong, but I didn't get that feeling. The one feeling that usually warned me to stay away from someone. Sure, I was a little uneasy, but that instinct wasn't there. I couldn't explain that.

I was a little surprised when I saw Bella at the door. I wouldn't have expected her to come try to talk to me. That unexpectedness was probably what made me let her in. I wasn't mad at her.

"Hey." I muttered. "Come to tell me how stupid I am too?"

"No." She replied, walking in as I stepped back. "I actually just wanted to see how you're doing. They didn't mean to be so hard on you."

"I know." I sighed, returning to the loft. I sat down on the edge, my legs under the railing in front of me and hanging down. She looked up at me, and though she glanced at the bean bag chair, she didn't move to sit. I assumed it was because it would be a little hard for her to stand back up now.

"You're pretty darn grounded." She winced, and I nodded. I knew that.

"It's okay." I shrugged. "Not like I have anywhere to go anyway."

"What about your friends?"

"They bug lately." I admitted. "It's not them, though. Just me." I was quiet for a moment, before I sighed again and looked down. "I'm so confused."

"About?" She prompted. I didn't exactly know how to explain it to her. She didn't know me that well.

"If he was so bad, why didn't I know it?"

"It's not that." She replied. "No one knows if he was bad or not. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that you would do something so dangerous at all. You _have_ to be careful about that kind of thing. You never really know someone or what they'll do."

"I wasn't trying to break any rules." I shrugged. "I was cold, and tired, and my feet really hurt. He was going to Heather's house. He showed me her address written down, so I know it wasn't just some trick. I guess I thought that if she knew him, it'd be fine. I just didn't think she'd call to rat me out."

"I get it now." She seemed to understand a little better. "Don't beat yourself up, and don't look too much into it. Just count this as a lesson learned." I nodded a little. "They really didn't mean to be so harsh. They just care about you."

"I know." I said again. "That's why I left when I did. I thought I'd be better off out here before I could yell back too much. I hate doing that."

"You did good." She nodded. "Are you ready to come back inside? It's a little chilly out here."

"Not yet." I replied. "I'm not cold. I love being out here." She nodded again, and sighed.

"It is really peaceful."

"If you ever need a place to go, you can come out here if you want. I can share." I offered, and she smiled.

"Thanks." She said. "If they let me, I might take you up on that offer."

"Thank you." I said as well. "For coming out here to talk to me."

"We're sisters now, aren't we?" She smiled again. I hadn't really thought about it that way, but she was right.

"I guess so." I replied. "But you knew them longer."

"Not by much." She laughed. "I think poor Rosalie was ready to go on strike." I had to laugh a little as well.

She left not long later, hugging her arms to herself despite the sweatshirt she wore. I didn't really get it, because I was okay. I wasn't cold at all.

I stayed out there as long as possible. The evening rain was so nice to listen to hitting the glass ceiling. I did eventually need to cover up with the throw blanket, but I was perfectly cozy like that. It brought a comfort and peace to me that I wasn't used to. Even knowing how differently today could have ended. Coming out here had been the right call.

I didn't say a word as I came back inside, but that was mostly on me. I wasn't really mad anymore. More confused than before, but I wasn't mad. I still got the feeling that there was something I was missing.

I was probably just overly tired. Everything still felt wrong, like I didn't want to recognize anything about anything.

I grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl on the counter on my way in, keeping my eyes down as I got to work on peeling it. My clothes felt stiff, because they'd dried on me, and I almost couldn't wait to change out of them. I was hungry, but not really in the mood for anything heavy.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore." I finally muttered, just in case anyone had any ideas. "I'm sorry I got mad, and said what I said. I've never had to deal with anything like this before."

Which was true. I was usually kept out of the loop, but when that loop involved so much of my family, I was dragged right into it. Feeling helpless wasn't something I liked very much.

I jumped a little as my orange was suddenly plucked from my hands, looking over at Emmett there. I couldn't help smiling a little as he had my orange perfectly peeled in two seconds, handing it back to me.

"Thanks." I sighed, sitting down.

"No problem." He replied, sitting next to me. He looked at me as well. "Remember how much of a nervous wreck you were when you first got here?"

I smiled a little, recalling it instantly. I would have flipped out the second he took that orange from me. I'd gotten a lot better about that.

"I remember." I mumbled.

"Don't worry. I'm not here to bug you."

I looked back down, prying open the orange. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you." He said that so dismissively. Like he couldn't even bring himself to think about it. That was part of the reason why it was so hard to believe anyone when they said that.

"Then why does it feel like it?" I asked. "Nothing's right."

"You've had times like this before, right?" He asked. "When you just feel off."

"Not like this." I admitted. "Nothing I do helps. Walking used to help, and spending time with Andrew definitely used to help. Maybe that's why I went so far today. Maybe I thought if I just went far enough, something would feel right again, but.. It just didn't. I don't know. I just want normal back."

"That might be awhile, shorty." He murmured, and I sighed. I was quiet for a second, allowing the citrus smell of the orange in my hands calm me down a little. It helped.

"I don't wanna go so far away." I mumbled. "If Bella has to be turned. I wanna stay closer."

"That's okay." He assured me. "We can figure something out with someone around town." I nodded. "We're getting a better idea on the timing. We just need to wait and see, I guess."

"She's gonna be okay, though, right?" I looked over. "You guys won't let her die, right?"

"Carlisle's doing everything he can." He assured me, but it wasn't a promise.

In a way, I was glad he didn't promise, because Bella's health continued to decline.

She grew another month and a half in a week. It wasn't slowing down. On top of that, the baby had become active, moving and bruising her skin. It became painfully clear that the baby was much stronger than she was. Even I could see that.

I didn't know what bothered me so much about it, but after a certain nightmare one night, I figured it out. At least I thought I did.

It was so stupid to compare the two, but knowing it was Bella's choice that was hurting her so much reminded me more than a little bit of my mom. Her choices ruined, and almost took, her life on many occasions. Watching Bella essentially do this to herself bothered me on a deep level, and I hated having to see it.

I was grounded, though. I kept to that, because I knew I was entirely in the wrong. I tried to stay inside. I really tried to get passed that discomfort in an effort to be more of a part of the family, but I just couldn't. It was too hard.

September started, and I stayed home for the week, growing increasingly edgy, and by the time I was finally allowed to leave the house alone, I hit the door running. I hated seeing Bella going through that, especially when I knew the outcome wasn't going to be anything good.

It was hard for them to let me out again. I completely understood why, and I hated that I caused that reason to be worried, but they were giving me another chance.

With my family so focused on Bella, there really wasn't a lot of attention on me. I wasn't really used to that. I wasn't ignored, but they didn't seem to notice the things they used to notice anymore.

I held absolutely no resentment for that, but I might have felt a little pushed aside. How I felt didn't change the fact that I knew it wasn't a permanent situation and it was no one's fault, but watching Bella get more sick a little more each day was hard enough. I just needed something, anything to distract me from that.

Of course, with the cell phone in my pocket, and a promise to answer every call that came to it, I made my way toward town. I wasn't intending to go far. Just somewhere else.

I settled on going to Josh and Zack's house today. They were best at providing distraction without bothering to get too personal. Andrew was the best to talk to about my problems, but Josh and Zack were always moving too fast to think about that stuff too much.

Unfortunately for me, I had to wait for school to let out.

So I spent hours at the park, as it was only a short walk away. Just sitting on a bench, lost in my thoughts as the day grew more cloudy.

I honestly wished I could figure myself out. I knew whatever was going to happen was going to happen soon, and I felt completely unprepared. I knew I was going to be sent somewhere soon, but I had yet to decide on where.

I didn't want to go to Alaska. That was too far away, and way too cold for my taste. Plus every single one of them were still strangers, and I hated learning new rules. I wanted familiar, but that also posed a problem. Who could they get to watch me for some extended period of time without asking questions?

If what happened with Jasper was any indication, spending any time around a newborn vampire was out the question because she wouldn't have nearly the same amount of restraint. I also knew she'd be stronger than them.

This was a pretty frequented park, so people came and went, and since I sat near the parking area, I didn't pay much mind to those that walked by. It started to really clear out, though, and I began to consider heading home before it started to rain.

A strange sense of anticipation kept me sitting here, though. Like I was expecting something to happen, so I shouldn't have been surprised when it did.

I jumped as the open part of the bench next to me suddenly became occupied. Looking over to see the man that had given me the ride. The reason I'd gotten in trouble. It wasn't unusual for him to be here, and it wasn't like I could control where he went. I wasn't that scared of him, but I still didn't want to get into trouble _again_.

Subtly, I scooted away a bit, but I did my best to ignore him. I should have known that wouldn't last for very long, though.

"I know who you are." He started the conversation, but his voice was quite calm. "You're _the_ Leandra. Jack's stepdaughter."

He didn't look at me, but I looked at him. The fact that he knew that made everything different. How did he know that? He was just a stranger.

"Not many people have your name, kid." He went on.

"Not anymore." I finally managed to reply. "That's not my life anymore."

"Because he's dead." He nodded, and I winced, looking down at the grass. I hated thinking about it, no matter how much relief it brought me. "You and I really need to talk."

"About what?" I asked, hating the nervousness now coloring my voice.

"You have the answers I'm looking for." He replied easily. "You're the only one that can tell me exactly what happened the day my son died."

It took me a second for what he said to register. His son? Jack. This guy was Jack's father. I recalled instantly the horrible things Heather had said about him, and I tried to hide the way my breathing hitched.

I looked over at him in surprise. He smiled, and held out his hand. "Call me Ken."

He was someone I immediately knew that I didn't want in my life. As soon as I remembered how to move, I stood up. All thoughts of Josh and Zack were gone, and all I could think about was getting back to safety. Not even ashamed for it.

"I gotta go home." I mumbled, and he reached out, lightly grabbing my wrist.

"I just want to talk."

The feel of his hand burned me.

"I can't." I shook my head, attempting to pull my hand away, but he held on. In fact, he only held tighter. I tensed in response, looking from his hand to his face.

"We're going to talk." He rephrased it, and with no other option, I took a breath.

"Okay." I muttered. "Just let go." Instead of doing so, he stood back up.

Now that that instinct was kicking me in the head, I literally couldn't listen to it. I needed to keep calm. Freaking out and panicking wouldn't help me here.

"Okay." I mumbled again. With my apparent cooperation, his hand loosened. Not enough to let me go, but enough to allow the circulation through again. Without a word, he looked around and started walking. Tugging me along with him, straight toward his car.

Rosalie's warning ran rampant through my mind, and the fact that I sensed his instability now made panic almost impossible to fight.

"We can talk here." My voice trembled lightly with every quick step I took to keep up.

"I'd rather have a bit of privacy." He replied instantly.

Right as we reached the car, my phone suddenly rang in my pocket, and I jerked my hand free and stumbled half a step back while Ken was distracted by the sound. He actually allowed me to pull the phone out of my pocket.

"Thank god." Was how I answered the phone before its second ring. I hadn't even checked to see who it was.

"Leandra." It was Carlisle. "Are you alright?"

I sighed, looking down. "Yeah, I'm.. I'm fine."

I wasn't sure why I fibbed. Maybe it was something in his voice that told me he had something more to deal with, and I really didn't want to be one more thing. I might not have known what to expect with Ken, but whatever it was, I could handle it.

"I want you to come home as quickly as you can. Something's come up." Carlisle continued. "But be careful." What was that something?

"What happened?" I asked, now nervous about that as my thoughts landed on Bella.

"I'll explain when you get here."

"On my way now." I said. "I'll be home as soon as I can get there." There was a pause.

"Really." He insisted. "Are you okay?"

"Um.." I hesitated this time, looking up at Ken. I was torn. Should I tell Carlisle exactly what was going on? I wanted to, but Ken was a lot closer to me than he was. Ken only nodded, so I took a breath and went with it. "Yeah. I'm at the park. Just.. Talking to someone."

"Come home." Carlisle repeated, but this time, I heard the worry there.

"I will." I replied, sighing. I hung up, and nearly got away. "My dad wants me home."

"I'll give you a ride." My heart dropped again, and I could swear it stopped as he managed to catch a hold of my wrist again. He wasn't giving me an option either.

I could have fought. I could have flipped out on him, and run for my life, but I didn't. Everything was happening so fast, I had no time to realize that I'd just missed an opportunity. It also didn't help that I didn't know what the situation was, and I was second guessing myself.

I stumbled a little as he dragged me right to the passenger side of his car, opening the door and shoving me in. He closed the door firmly in my face, and in the time it took me to flinch, he had the doors locked with the remote in his hand.

Unfortunately this car was newer, and the passenger door wouldn't open automatically from the inside if it was locked like that. That didn't stop me from yanking on the handle, though. He climbed into the drivers seat quickly with a small chuckle.

"Flight risk, eh?" He laughed, starting the car. I whimpered silently, looking out the window as we started moving. It didn't even really hit me until right then.

My stomach was in knots. I hadn't been this scared in a very long time. Not with Bella, not at any point with my family. I knew to be afraid of him. I still didn't know if he was crazy enough to say anything. Not knowing was what was scared me the most.

The feeling I got when he went the opposite direction of where I wanted to go went straight to my head. Scattering my thoughts.

"Let me start by saying I don't _want_ to hurt you." He spoke clearly, turning onto the main street.

"You're going the wrong way." I pointed out shakily.

"I know." He replied. "That's the point."

He knew. Why did that surprise me? Every known curse word crossed my mind as I looked worriedly out the window, biting my lip.

"Where are we going?" I felt like I needed to ask that.

"You'll see soon enough. Just taking a little detour." He replied with a nod.

I was quiet as I watched the rest of town pass by. There wasn't much I could say.

"I don't want to hurt you." He said again after several silent minutes. "You helped me find my daughter. She'd done her best to stay hidden for many years, but I finally found her, so I owe you that at least." His tone had lightened.

My heart dropped as I realized that he was talking about Heather. I remembered how scared I was when I learned that Jack had found me again. If she'd been hiding from this guy for many years, I screwed all that up. I hadn't known who this guy was, otherwise I wouldn't have helped him at all. I suddenly felt horrible for what I'd done.

"All I want is some answers." He continued. "There are things that really don't add up here, and since you're the last person Jack saw, you're just the person I came here to find. Lucky you fell right into my lap, isn't it?"

I stayed quiet, so he just went on.

"He told me all about you, Leandra." He said conversationally. "He's told me everything there is to know about you, and about your mother, and frankly, I don't approve. I never did." I looked over, but he didn't look back at me. "I told him he didn't know what he was getting himself into. I just knew he'd fuck up."

"I didn't-"

"Hush." His voice was stronger than Jack's was as a command, and it instantly had me cowering in my seat. "Did I tell you to talk? No? Then shut up."

Nobody had talked to me that way since Jack. This was a very harsh lesson. One that I already knew, but this just became real. Don't fucking trust strangers!

"Honestly." Ken continued. "If I wanted your opinion, I would beat it out of you." He gripped the wheel tighter. "If Jack would have just been smarter, I wouldn't have to clean up after him."

"You can't do anything to me." I told him, glaring over at him. "My dad will kill you." It was true.

"Well, damn. Really?" He asked, seeming honestly surprised. I was confused at first, until he spoke again. "Is he here right now? Because I'd love to meet the guy." He was mocking me. "When he shows up, let me know, okay? Then I'll definitely let you go."

"Fuck you." I spat in his direction, not appreciating his sarcasm, and received nothing but his hand around the back of my neck.

His hand had snapped out and closed on the back of my neck before I even had a chance to flinch. He squeezed tightly, and yanked me closer, drawing a gasping whimper from me.

I winced heavily, bracing myself on the center console now digging painfully into my side. I didn't dare bite him, knowing he wouldn't stand for that. Even if I could reach him.

The strength in his one hand was more than enough to hold me right there, and I was stuck.

He glanced over at me.

"What was that?" He asked innocently, meeting my eyes briefly before looking forward again. "I didn't quite hear you." I didn't repeat it, and after awhile of holding me there without a word from me, he laughed, shaking me roughly. "Come on, kid. I'm getting older. You have to speak up."

"I'm sorry." I whimpered, trembling in my pain and fear.

"One more time, honey." I was really hurting now, and losing my temper quite quickly. I clung to it desperately, knowing I wouldn't benefit in the slightest by losing it.

"I'm sorry!" I finally shouted, squeezing my eyes shut.

He laughed and let me go. Shoving me away from him hard enough to send me back against the passenger door. I tried the door handle again in my panic, but realized it was still locked. As long as the car was running, it stayed locked. I couldn't pull up on it either, because the little knob disappeared into the door itself. I was stuck.

"Nifty little feature, isn't it?" He asked, amused. "In all honesty, though, I'm fully aware of the fact that I can't do anything to you. I'm a big believer in the 'eye for an eye' policy, but in this case, it wouldn't accomplish anything but more of a mess for me. Am I right?"

I immediately nodded.

"I'm only here for answers." He went on. "Anyway, I only want a little bit of information from you. Among other things, but you're going to find out fast that it'd be in your best interest to keep your smart ass mouth to yourself. Understand me, girl?"

"What do you want to know?" I demanded, turning back around in my seat and flattening myself back against the door. As far away from him as I could get.

"If we're going to get along, you need to understand that I'm not here to play games." He said, and I immediately noticed as the car started to slow down. We were out here in the middle of nowhere, so I knew I should be worried. This was as private as it got, and I'd never been out here this far.

As we drifted to a stop, he looked over at me in the sudden silence.

"See that spot up ahead?" He asked me, and I hesitantly looked forward.

On the side of the road up ahead, there were trees that came right up to the edge of the road, but these trees were different from the rest of them around. They'd been badly burned. The evidence of a very large fire reached up the base, the trunk, nearly reaching the bottom of the higher branches. The lower ones had been burned off.

"That spot, right there, is where they found what was left of my son." He pointed out.

I had no idea why that little bit of information bothered me so badly. I looked away so fast, I nearly hurt myself. It registered to me that I'd caused that. That was my fault, and seeing the physical evidence of what I'd done made it real again.

"If anyone running this goddamn town had any kind of sense, they would find as many problems with that spot right there as I do." He went on, ignoring my reaction. "I wouldn't even have to be here."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I focused on keeping my tears back. I didn't want to be here.

"Please take me home." I whimpered.

"You're going to answer my question, and you'll answer it promptly and honestly." He wasn't joking around anymore, and it startled me how quickly he could change tones. His tone wasn't one to deny, so numbly, I nodded.

"Good. I want to know about the day my son died." He said and I waited. "Last I heard from him, the day he died, he was going to see you. He told me he had a little score to settle, and would call me later with the details. I never got that call." He paused, and my mind was running a hundred miles an hour.

I desperately searched for a pack of lies to give him, until he continued,

"It took him ten minutes to get from where he was staying, to your house." I went to speak, but he interrupted me with just a raise of his hand. "I know exactly where you live, darling. The address, and the location of that address. Save your lies." I was quiet now.

"Continuing, the time it took him to get to your house from his place was ten minutes. If that. Not to mention.." He trailed off with a pause, narrowing his eyes a little bit. "The complete opposite direction of this spot right here. Now, I don't know about you, but that seems a little suspicious to me. I want to know what exactly happened that day, and I want to know now."

He waited, but I was petrified. I couldn't speak, even if I had anything to say. Glancing around, I spotted the unlock button on the console, but it was closer to him than it was to me. I couldn't touch it without him stopping me first.

"Promptly, honey. Remember?" He grumbled, and I heard the last of his patience trail away with his voice. He knew more about that night than even I did.

"How did he get out of prison?" I asked instead. Hoping that would buy me some time. To my relief, Ken laughed. Finding my question funny.

"I wasn't born yesterday, sweetheart." He replied. "I know the loopholes, and I know a lot of people. Not that you made it easy. His record was spotless, until you opened your fucking mouth, and ruined that for him."

My heart pounded, and I could clearly see the truth in the old saying, 'Like father, like son'. Except this father had a score to settle, and I was the one that caused the need to settle that score. He wasn't happy with me.

"Now." He barked, making me jump. "Your turn."

"I-I.." I mumbled, flattening back against the door even further. I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't. He'd think I was lying anyway if I did.

"Trust me, kid." His tone was a lot darker now. Darker than I'd ever heard someone's voice before, and that included Jack. "It'll be in your best interest to just answer the question." I was silent in my fear. "This is my son we're discussing now. My _only_ son. I am furious. He meant more to me than you ever will, and I have no doubts you know exactly what happened."

I continued to hesitate.

"You can't even look at it." He snapped, and I jumped. I shook my head. "I think I deserve some fucking answers!"

"You do!" I snapped in reply. "But I don't have any!"

"Don't you lie to me." He warned me clearly.

"He showed up." My voice shook. "I let him in, but I swear I don't know what happened after he left."

"What kind of score did he have to settle?" He asked firmly.

"I don't know." I said again. "He makes stuff up to be mad about. I get it. He was your son, but he was a horrible person, and I'm _glad_ he's gone."

He seemed surprised, so I went on when I really should have shut up.

"He was a horrible person." I repeated. "And he _deserved_ to die for the things he did. What he got was too good for him."

He stared at me for several tense seconds before he nodded.

"You remind me so much of my daughter." He finally chuckled, pointing at me. "I have half a mind to knock your teeth in."

Nervously, I leaned back, but I tried to keep that anger.

"But there it was." He went on. "That attitude he told me about. He just couldn't cure you of it."

"He tried." I mumbled. "But my family helped me find it again."

"If there was anything left to find by the time that family got a hold of you, he failed miserably." He countered.

"That's not my fault." I looked over at him. "You can blame me if it makes you feel better, but that doesn't mean anything. I don't know why he came out here. I don't know why he did anything he did."

He was just sitting there, staring out the window at the spot in the trees.

"What do you even want from me?" I asked, looking back down. "I can't give you anything. I can't tell you anything that'll make him come back. Nothing at all will change. I heard about how you treated them when they were kids."

"I'm sure you have." There was no regret in his tone. He was completely unapologetic.

"How do you live with that?" I asked quietly, looking over at him. "Jack died because he was the way he was, and you made him that way. Doesn't it bother you that he died because you made him a monster?"

He looked over at me.

"You want answers, right?" I asked. "You want somebody to blame, so take a look in the mirror. What happened to Jack isn't my fault, but what Jack did to me and to himself _is_ your fault."

I jumped as his hand slammed into my upper chest, his fist closing and balling in my shirt. There were no words to describe how terrifying it is to be slowly pulled toward someone. I'd been thrown, jerked around and shoved, but to be slowly pulled forward with no hope of escape paralyzed me. He saw this.

He leaned toward me just enough to meet me halfway, and underneath the gray of his eyes, I saw something there I never wanted to see again. This was worse than any feeling I had with Jack. At any point.

He was perfectly calm, but I could see the chaos behind it. There was something definitely wrong with him that I'd never seen before.

"Run." He told me. "Get as far away from me as you can before I break your legs." I heard the doors unlock a second before he reached up and roughly smoothed my cheek, breathing in through his teeth. He sighed and shoved me back.

I didn't need to be told twice. I got out of that car as fast as I possibly could, nearly falling out. I took off, getting ahead of myself and stumbling, but I continued on.

Racing over the grass on the shoulder of the highway, I jumped into the trees. Pushing, ducking my way forward with no breath.

I didn't stop to catch my breath until several minutes later, looking around myself in the trees. I knew he wasn't the type to chase someone down, but that didn't stop me from keeping as quiet as I could, diving over a boulder and pressing back against it an attempt to hide.

I couldn't hold it back, though. I started to cry after only seconds of needing to stay quiet.

I didn't know how to answer him. In a way, I understood why he was mad, and why he would want answers. I didn't know they'd slipped up like that, and Jack _was_ his son. I was involved somehow, and it wasn't like he could ask Jack.

But _god_. He was so scary. I felt the danger even now, out of his reach. Especially knowing that Jack had learned all he'd learned from experience. It was really no wonder why Heather felt the need to warn my family about him. That man had raised the worst man I'd ever known, and that fact wasn't lost on me.

I needed to catch my breath, so I sat down when I felt sure I wasn't going to hear any footsteps, and I continued to sit there, despite knowing I needed to get home. I wasn't sure why, but it only seemed to help. I closed my eyes, forcing my breathing to slow.

I didn't want anyone to see me like this, so I forced myself to think about the trip home instead of what just happened. That somehow really helped calm me down. Like I was okay so suddenly.

I still listened hard for any hint of discovery, but when I heard none, I looked up.

I jumped, startled as I spotted someone standing there.

It was only the briefest of glances, but in that brief glance, I knew it wasn't Ken. Before that thought even clicked, that person was gone.

I didn't know what made me do it, but I spoke.

"Wait."

The sound was loud and tense, clearly reflecting my stress, but why on earth would I want that person to wait?

I wasn't even sure at first if he'd even heard me, but a second later, he was back. Across the small incline and several feet away, someone stood there. I knew without even thinking about it that this person was a vampire. Without question, that part was established first.

I'd never seen this guy before in my life, and the whole stranger thing went through my mind, but I wasn't sure if that applied here. The fact that I even had to wonder seemed odd to me. He looked at me in about the same way I looked at him. It was weird, but not scary. I didn't want him to get bored and just leave anyway, so I took a calming breath and spoke.

"Where'd you come from?"

He kept his distance. In response, he pointed to the left.

"Not really what I meant." I replied, standing up slowly and dusting off my butt. I didn't try getting any closer, which seemed acceptable. It was a little awkward, especially as I didn't want to talk too loudly, and the fact that I knew I had to look exactly like I'd just felt. Complete crap.

"Can you talk?"

He blinked in surprise at my question, before he laughed a little.

"What?" He asked, speaking to me for the first time. I smiled.

"You weren't talking." I laughed a little as well in my defense.

"Only because I'm a little surprised." He replied. "How.. How do you smell like that?"

"Like what?" I asked, sitting down on the boulder behind me. I was too shaken to stay standing.

I blinked and he was closer, and though I was a little startled, I still wasn't afraid. I blinked again, and he was sitting in the tree I sat under. I tilted my head back to look up at him, ignoring the ache on my neck in the shape of Ken's hand. I'd deal with that later. I'd deal with everything later. I wanted to be here.

"Like seven different vampires." He clarified, peering down at me. The cloudy daylight played in his dark hair in an interesting way. His voice was so clear and smooth, like audible water. Every part of his demeanor was calming. I found that and clung to it immediately. I'd never, not once, been drawn to someone so quickly. Not even Carlisle or even Esme.

A quick glance back through my memories of the day told me this was the cause of that sense of eager anticipation. I was supposed to be here to meet him, but it wasn't a bad feeling.

"Oh." I smiled again, amused. "That's my family."

"Your family?" He asked, landing on the ground beside the boulder. I finally got a close look at him.

His coal black hair fell naturally back, a little on the longer side. It reminded me of Zack's hair cut, but shorter. Even his deep crimson eye color didn't scare me, because they were so open. He looked a little young, but I knew that was just the way his features fell and rounded.

He crouched next to me, not more than a foot away. I understood completely that I should have been terrified, but I really wasn't. I wasn't afraid at all, but it wasn't in a weird way. It was only natural to be talking to him.

It was that automatic confidence that made it almost easy to forget that danger.

"My family." I confirmed. "They're vampires."

"Are you a pet?" Was his reply. I rolled my eyes.

"No." I answered. "I'm their sister, and their daughter. It's a family, not a zoo."

He smirked. "I only ask, because I've never heard of it. I've never come across a human that isn't affected by that instinct."

"Maybe I'm just weird." I shrugged.

"I doubt that." He replied immediately. "But I am a little curious. How do they keep you?" I knew what he meant.

"That's a long story." I said. "They just do. It just works."

"What's your name, princess?"

"You first." I insisted.

"Ah, but I asked first." He pointed out, and I laughed a little. I shrugged again. "Does this mean we don't have names?"

"Just for now." I played along. "Do you always talk to your food?"

He laughed this time. "You're not food. The scent on you is more than enough incentive to resist. You're automatically off limits. That's how it works."

So my family _were_ able to protect me from other vampires, just with their scent. That was good to know, and he'd explained it in such a laid-back way. Why was he so interesting?

"So what's the story?" He asked, resting his arms on his knees. "Who was that guy?" He'd obviously been around awhile.

My smile faded, and I looked down as I was forcefully reminded of what I'd just been put through. Being reminded, I looked back in the direction I'd just come. Just to make sure he wasn't standing there.

"I was passing by, and I heard some things." He added quietly. "I was going to mind my own business, but then I smelled you, and.."

It wasn't lost on me exactly how strange it was to feel safer in the presence of a human-hunting vampire than I would in the presence of a particular human.

Of course he saw that.

"Do you need me to go kill him?" He asked without hesitation. "I can kill him if he's a problem."

"What? No." I didn't want that. "Shut up. That's how I got in this mess."

"What does that mean?" He asked, interested.

"Nothing." I sighed. "Trust me. That's a _really_ long story too."

It was also strange to see sympathy fill his eyes, but it clearly did. I hadn't met many vampires with blood red eyes, but he wasn't what I was expecting at all. I was even afraid of Laurent, but not this guy. Or kid? I wasn't sure.

"How old are you?" I asked, curious.

"Sixteen." He smirked a little. "You?"

"Eleven. You don't look sixteen."

"You don't look eleven." He countered, and I laughed.

"How old are you.. The other way?" I was still curious.

"A little over a year." I was surprised by his answer.

"You're still a newborn?"

"I hate that term." He laughed. "But technically, yes."

"How long did it take you to learn how to control it?" I asked, sitting up straighter.

"I have my struggles." He allowed. "But for the sake of answering you, I'd say I had pretty good control by seven or eight months."

This was pretty good information to have. It gave me some sort of idea how long I'd need to avoid Bella. I was satisfied with that answer, so he spoke again.

"Are we really not giving names?"

"Nah." I replied. "It's not like I'm ever gonna need to know it."

"True." He nodded. His smile faded a little, though, as he looked down.

"I don't wanna leave you." He admitted. "I don't like that you're out here by yourself, because to be honest, that guy really seems.." He trailed off, but that reminded me.

"I gotta go home." I slowly stood back up. He did as well, and I noted how much bigger he was than me. He was pretty slight, average height, but there was a definite difference.

"To your coven?"

"Family." I corrected. "I won't say anything to them about you, if you're worried."

"I'm not worried." He smiled a little. "I'm not here to bother anyone. I'd offer to give you a lift, but I don't want to mess up any of.." He gestured to all of me. "That."

"The scent, you mean?" I found that funny.

He took a nervous breath, huffing it out in a laugh. "Yeah. I really don't want to piss anyone off."

"I know." I replied honestly. "If you wanted to hurt me, you would have. Are there more of you around?"

"Besides your coven?" He smirked.

"Family." I corrected again. "Besides them."

"One." He answered. "But he's not gonna be a problem either. We're just passing through."

"Is he a friend of yours?"

"Probably not right now." He laughed. "He's actually kind of mad at me right now."

I looked around again. I didn't see anyone else, but that wasn't surprising.

"For what?"

"Taking unnecessary risks." He said. "He's worried about trouble."

"From my family?" I asked, curious.

"Coven." He corrected, but I ignored that.

"They won't bother you either." I waved it off. "You didn't hurt me, and you're not causing problems around here, so don't worry."

He smiled, and it was a kind one. Genuinely easy, light. I didn't want to leave that, but the reminder that Carlisle was expecting me back made that decision for me.

"Thank you." I said. "For talking to me." It gave me the distraction I needed to calm down.

"Stay safe, nameless-little-human. I kind of like you." He bowed to me. I smiled, and I was suddenly standing there alone. I blinked, and looked around myself again.

As bad as a day as I'd had, it seemed lighter somehow. I knew full well I needed to focus on what I'd just learned, and I would, but it was weird to realize I even could. I couldn't explain it.

I had to get home first. I would figure it out from there.

Once I shook that off enough, I got moving. I didn't dare leave the trees, but I returned to the highway, and followed it back toward town. Running as fast as I safely could in the direction of home. Of the safety of my family.

I kept careful watch for Ken's car, but I didn't see it the entire way. Panting hard when I had to slow to a quick walk, looking around me before running again. I just needed to be careful. Through town was tough, because there was a lot less coverage, but again. I didn't see him.

It took me a lot longer than I wanted.

I didn't stop to notice how quiet it was on the driveway. Normally, there were plenty of birds chirping in the thick trees on either side of the drive, but today, there weren't any. Whatsoever. I continued running, though, cutting through the trees when I didn't feel like following the curve of it. Feeling eyes on me the entire way.

Running as quickly as I could across the yard, and straight up the steps. Over the porch, and slowing to a jog as I made it onto the porch closest to the front door, coming to stop beside Alice as she stood just inside the doorway.

She and Jasper had been waiting there, knowing I was coming. I was breathing too hard to talk at first, and I fought to catch my breath, bracing my arms on my knees.

I looked over as Emmett arrived as well.

"Let's get inside." He suggested, and I didn't like the tension in his voice.

Before I could even stand up straight, I turned slightly at a deep, rumbling growl further off in the trees. It was loud enough to faintly hear it. My curiosity piqued. Alice took my arm lightly, leading me the rest of the way into the house.

"What was that?" I asked, watching as Emmett closed the door behind us.

"Them learning that you're still living here." Emmett grumbled, glaring out the window as we made our way further into the house. I was curious, but I didn't want to ask just yet.

I was safe, and I was at home. That's all that mattered to me right then. I just wanted to hide out here for awhile.

I thought about the person I met in the woods. I wasn't sure about talking about it right then, but I knew I should be honest if it involved another vampire. I found I really wanted to be honest about it.

"There's something you should know." I muttered, sighing as I sat down. Gaining everyone's attention immediately. "I met someone. In the woods."

"Who?" Emmett asked firmly. He was in a bad mood, and realizing that made me briefly rethink my decision to be honest.

"I don't know his name." I admitted. "But he's.. He's like you." Before anyone could get too mad, I went on in a faster tone. "He said he wasn't gonna be a problem, and I'm fine. He.. Kinda helped me in a way." I hesitated. "Wait, Alice didn't see any of this?"

"No, I didn't." She was just as upset about my news as Emmett was.

"That means you didn't see how I got way out there." I added. "You didn't see what happened."

"Okay, now you're freaking me out." Emmett replied. "Start talking."

Before I could, however, Jacob came into the room. I looked up, surprised before I narrowed my eyes.

"Oh _God_." I grumbled. "Just what I need."

"What is she doing back here?" He asked, Carlisle and Esme trailing in from behind him. Suddenly he was here, and demanding to know why I was here. Esme crossed the room to my side, sighing in relief and clearing my hair from my shoulder. I gave her a small smile before turning my eyes back to Jacob.

I narrowed my eyes. "I live here, remember?"

"Yes." He said in a very obvious tone. "But I would have figured they'd find a safer place for you, considering-"

"Jacob." Carlisle spoke up, and he looked to him.

"She doesn't know." Jake replied, but it wasn't a question. "Are you all allergic to telling humans the truth or something?" I didn't appreciate the tone he used toward my family.

"Watch it." I barked at him, and to my slight surprise, Rose smirked.

"We haven't had a chance to tell her yet." Carlisle explained.

"Instead of bringing her here, why didn't you just make arrangements for her wherever she was?" Jacob demanded. "She could have been just fine-"

"Shut up." I barked again, glaring. "It's not up to you."

"Aren't you precious?" Jacob was obviously irritated with me.

"Normally, I'd be inclined to agree with you, Jacob." Carlisle said. "But she's a special circumstance."

"And I'm plenty safe here, thank you very much." I continued at Jacob. "Safer than anywhere else." I didn't need to know the truth to stay on my family's side. They would tell me whatever it was when I needed to know.

"Special enough to risk her life?" Jake asked Carlisle in return. "Were you listening to a word I said?" I didn't like the way he was trying to get me kicked out. I hardly knew the guy. I was about to speak up again, when Rose said something first.

"Don't worry, Leandra." She told me, again to my surprise. "You're not going anywhere." I glanced to her briefly, before turning my eyes back to Jacob and settling back further into the chair.

"I'd feel better keeping her here, Jacob." Carlisle wasn't budging on this, much to my relief. "I'll explain, but she stays." Carlisle gave a final nod, and Jake sighed, looking to me again. He didn't know me any more than I knew him. Who was he to demand that I leave? I didn't like it.

"Then explain." Jacob said, looking back to Carlisle. Carlisle sighed and gestured that Jacob follow him. I watched after them, glaring at Jacob's back.

"I don't like him." I muttered, cuddling the pillow closer to me.

"You're not alone there." Rose nodded, taking her usual place beside Bella.

"Rosalie." Esme sighed beside me, and Rose sighed as well.

"I know." She rolled her eyes a little. "He's done a lot for us, but still. Look at her." She gestured to me.

I jumped a little as I heard the front door slam.

"I'm just tired." I shook my head. "That's not his fault." I was tired of blaming people for things they had nothing to do with. I didn't like Jacob, but this wasn't on him.

"He's made her uncomfortable. In her own house." Rose added. I wanted to ask why she suddenly liked me now, but I didn't want to change her mind.

"I'm sure her afternoon didn't help." Alice murmured, her eyes on me. That reminded me once more of our previous conversation. Emmett was too.

"Story time, shorty." He crossed his arms. "Tell me about your day." I sighed, defeated.

"It kinda sucked." I replied simply, glancing over as Carlisle returned. Without Jacob.

They wanted more, so I told them. For once, I was completely honest about everything. I told them about the conversation I had with Ken, and what he said to me as well as the reason behind it. I told them the truth, that I was perfectly fine. I told them about the vampire in the woods, and how kind he was to me.

I was nearly word-for-word honest, and I could tell by the way they didn't interrupt me that it was okay.

Once I was done, I looked down with a sigh. Laying my head down on the armrest of the chair, I closed my eyes. Fully realizing then just how tired I was. I was also preparing myself for the inevitable fight.

"First of all, thank you for being honest." Carlisle was the first to speak, and I looked over at him, surprised. "Second, unfortunately-"

"I think I'm gonna stay home." I mumbled, drawing my legs up. "I don't wanna go anywhere anymore." I wanted to spare him that worry.

"I need to ask you to stay in the house." He continued anyway. "Until further notice."

"Wait, like.. I can't leave at all?"

"For your own safety." He confirmed, and I frowned.

"Even the tree house?"

"Unfortunately."

"Why?"

"That's a little difficult to explain." Carlisle sighed. "Until we can make different arrangements." I glanced at Bella laying there. She was awake, but barely.

"Now about that boy.." Emmett spoke up.

"Which one?" I stupidly asked.

"The vampire one." He clarified, and I smiled a little. "Shorty, you can't just walk up and talk to anyone."

"He walked up to me." I reminded him. "I can't really explain it. He was nice to me, and after what had just happened with Ken, I didn't want him to leave."

"Still." He insisted. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay." I confirmed. "Tired, though. That was a long run."

"He didn't bother to help get you home?" Emmett snorted.

"He probably wanted to avoid leaving his scent on her." Jasper muttered, and I pointed at him.

"That one." I said. "He said he didn't want to mess up your scents on me."

"Smart." Jasper nodded. "And the less contact with her, the better."

"I'm not worried." Esme smoothed my hair again. "I'm grateful for that boy."

I really was too, and it was nice to be on the same page again.

"This poses a problem." Carlisle spoke up again, and I looked over at him. "We had originally determined that you'd be staying with Heather once Bella is turned, but-"

"I still can." I assured him, sitting up. "I'd rather stay with her."

"What about her father?" He reminded me.

"You didn't see how hard she tried to protect me from Jack that day." I said. "I _know_ she wouldn't let anything happen to me. Especially her dad. I trust her more than any other human, and Mark is always home."

That seemed to help.

"I'm still uncertain how long you'll be staying there." He added, and I nodded. I recalled what I was told by that vampire. About eight months. That was nearly a year, and my heart wanted to break at the thought, but I knew this was different.

"As long as you don't forget about me, I think I'll be okay." I mumbled. "As long as I'm with Heather. I think I'm picking her."

Emmett piped up. "I'll only agree with this if you promise to punch those boys in the face if they-"

"I promise." I easily replied. "Besides, I don't think they'll bug me. It'll just be like.. A really long sleepover."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Emmett replied. "I'm going to be there every day, just to make sure you're still in perfect condition."

I smirked, shaking my head. I didn't need to remind him that I hadn't been in 'perfect' condition since the day I was born. It was like he doubted my ability to protect myself.

"I'll be okay."

 **A/N: Woo. So much stuff in here, I can barely stand it. I'll keep this short and sweet.  
YES. Ken is a problem now, but I don't think he'll be as big of a problem as you might think.  
** **If there are any mistakes in this chapter, I do apologize. I've hardly slept or eaten in the last three days or so. Feel free to leave me your thoughts. I love to read them.** **Chapter thirteen will probably be a bit of a wait. I've got so much crap piling up on me this coming week, it's not even funny.  
** **THANK YOUUUU to my beautiful, fantastic reviewers! You rule. (: THANK YOU, THANK YOU!** **  
** **Anyhoo. So much for short.  
** **Until next chapter, guys!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

"So.." I mumbled. "You can't leave the house? At all?"

At Jacob's pushing, they were finally filling me in. That same evening.

After telling me all about the wolves, the very same ones I saw in the clearing that day I watched them train, they moved on to tell me that those same wolves weren't happy. The same ones they fought alongside against the newborns had turned on them, which was a big problem.

It was enough to bother me, but it was a huge surprise to find out that Jacob was one of them. I had no idea Jacob could do something like that, but it made a whole lot of sense thinking about the events of the last few months.

"At all." Carlisle confirmed. "Not until this somehow gets sorted out."

"And Sam's not really up for conversation." Jacob added.

"They didn't do anything to me, though." I said, confused. "I didn't even see any stupid wolves."

"That's because you're human." Jacob replied. "You have no part in this. At least, you didn't when they saw you. Now, as much as they hate it, they'll see you as someone standing between them and protecting the tribe."

"What?" I scoffed, frowning. "That's stupid."

"They'll now see you as a willing participant." He paused. "And a vulnerability to the family."

"What's that?" I asked, unfamiliar with the word.

"It means you're a weak point, and a way through."

That made me a little nervous to hear, but I was glad to know this now. Just so I didn't do something stupid. Like _go outside_.

"This is stupid." I said again, shaking my head.

Bella was awake for once, but not happily so. The baby had managed to crack her rib earlier today, which I hadn't known. She looked sore and pretty miserable.

"They don't mess around when it comes to the safety of the tribe, or the humans in town. The unknown scares them. Especially when dealing with vampires." Jacob explained. "I can see where they're coming from." He paused, glancing to Bella. "But I don't agree with his method. And I damn sure don't believe in guilty by association."

"So.." I sighed, trying to figure it out. "I'm a target now?"

"Yes." Jacob nodded. "And a very easy one. They'll first do what they can to separate you safely, but.. I don't see that working."

Probably not.

"So that means I can't leave the house either." I mumbled and he shook his head. "Well, shit." He smirked again. I just whined. "Ugh! This is so _stupid_. This can't be legal, can it?"

"To them, it doesn't matter." Jacob repeated.

"Well, to me, it does." I grumbled, sitting back. "Maybe we just need to get really big rolled up newspaper."

"Right." Jacob said at Rosalie's laughter. "I think I'll go let Seth get some sleep." With that, he turned. Leaving the room, and soon the house.

"That wasn't very nice, Leandra." Esme pointed out, and I looked down.

"Sorry." I replied. "I just can't help it. What threat could I be? Really. I'll go talk to them-"

"Leandra." Carlisle didn't like the determination in my voice.

"It's not like I can do anything to them." I reasoned. "If anything happens, I'll-"

"If anything happens, you'll keep your butt out of the way, shorty." Emmett snapped gently. "The last thing we want is for you to get hurt."

I sighed, shrugging again before I suddenly thought of something.

"Wait." I sat up again. "Are _they_ the reason you told me not to go onto the reservation anymore?"

"Yes." Carlisle answered quietly.

"And.. Are they the ones Alice says she can't see?"

"Yes." He replied again.

"I think I get it now." I nodded a little. "And I get why you couldn't tell me before."

I was understanding so much more now, but that didn't make things any easier. This was just a really bad situation, and pieces of it were still coming into focus.

"So.." I just thought of something else, looking up again. "If you can't leave, that means you guys can't hunt."

"We'll be alright, Leandra." Esme assured me. "Don't worry." I was definitely worried. That was something worth worrying about.

"Two humans in the house?" I asked nervously. "Without a way to hunt? I don't wanna hurt anyone."

"We'll be alright." She repeated, sitting on the armrest of the chair I was seated in. "You have enough to worry about, sweetie."

"Not really." I muttered. "I'm fine."

"After the day you've had?" She asked, and I nodded.

"He's not gonna do anything to me." I said. "Remember? He said so himself, and I believe him. I just have to be careful."

"I'm not sure I like how calm you're being about it." Emmett replied, and I looked over. "That's a pretty big deal, shorty."

"I've been through a lot worse." I reminded him. "And it's my fault he's here anyway. I brought this on myself, so I can't really complain about it."

"Sorry?" Emmett asked. "From what I remember, it was _me_ that took out the garbage."

"I don't know how to explain it." I sighed. "I did so many things wrong. If it wasn't for me, Jack never would have been free at all. Remember?"

"Well, if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have been that way in the first place." He countered.

"I don't know." I sighed again. "In some way, I wish I could just go back and fix everything I did wrong. Since it's not doing me any good, I wanna return this gift now. I hope my mom kept the receipt."

Nobody laughed, least of all me. I felt bad for admitting that I was bothered by it. They really did have enough to worry about without me adding onto it.

"No big deal, though." I murmured, keeping my eyes on my hands.

"You're doing it again." Carlisle said, and I looked up.

"Doing what?"

"Playing it down." He clarified. "Exactly what I said not to do." I hadn't even noticed.

"But I'm not." I replied, shaking my head. "I don't like Ken, but I get why he was mad at me." They were quiet so I went on. "It's the same reason why I was never mad at Josh or Zack for feeling sad about Jack. Ken might have treated Jack like crap, but he was his son. That's a big deal."

"We should have taken more of the smaller details into consideration." I glanced over at Alice's sigh.

"You didn't know anyone would even care." I reasoned. "I get that too."

"Yes, but because of that, you were targeted." She responded, and I shrugged.

"Only because I was stupid enough to get into his car in the first place."

"Will you quit trying to take all the blame?" Emmett asked. "Shorty, it's killing me."

"I can't, because I'm right." I countered.

"No, because you don't deserve any of it." He argued. "You'd already told us you were against the idea of killing Jack-ass, but I did it anyway."

"Because I let him in." I sighed, standing up. "Everything about this comes back to me and something I did. That's why I'm not gonna spend my life whining about how unfair everything is. I might not have deserved the way Jack treated me, or the things he did, but I do deserve blame for the way everything went wrong."

Emmett sighed.

"That's why I didn't just let that other vampire kill him." I went on. "I know to him it wouldn't have been a big deal, but to me, it is. I'm not gonna hide behind excuses like my mom has always done. I think this is something I'm gonna fix on my own when I get the chance. I'm not playing it down. I'm facing it."

"Leandra, some things cannot be fixed." Carlisle replied. "I think even attempting it would be extremely reckless."

Of course he was right.

"I know." I nodded. "I just mean I won't hide from it. I won't go looking for him, but I won't run either. And that's if he even bothers to try again. I probably won't even see him again."

"If Jack-ass was anything like him, you'll be seeing him again." Emmett grumbled, obviously unhappy.

I knew they'd have given anything to protect me from stuff like this, but this time, they couldn't. Ken was the consequence for not thinking ahead. The one I had to face.

The day faded to night, and I found myself pretty reluctant to go to bed, but I was pretty tired. Especially after the eventful day.

My dreams were interesting, though. Equal parts terrifying and comforting. Just glimpses, really, but they were just as bright as the day had been.

I honestly hadn't expected that stranger to make it into my dreams, but he did. Everything about that encounter with the stranger had made it so much easier to sort through the memory of Ken. I had somewhere else to look to make it better.

I woke thinking about that feeling I had. The way I couldn't shake the feeling that I was somehow supposed to meet that stranger. I definitely didn't mind that part, but I was a lot more bummed that I'd probably never see him again. That part was confusing.

I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind as I finally rolled out of bed.

I was a little surprised to find that Edward and Rosalie were the only ones out in the living room with Bella. Rosalie sat in the chair adjacent to the couch, flipping through a magazine. Edward stood by the window, and Bella was snoozing, so I kept it down. It wasn't uncommon anymore.

"I'm not sure I like what I saw." He told me under his breath, and at first, I frowned.

"My dreams?" I asked just as quietly.

"That too." He replied, and I shrugged.

"Have we met before?" I asked. "Since when has anything good ever been in my head?"

"Although, it is interesting." He went on, but we both fell quiet as Bella stirred a little bit.

He nodded toward the door, and I nodded. He opened the door for me, and I walked out onto the porch. He followed.

"What's interesting?" I asked as soon as he shut the door.

"The level of instant infatuation." He answered, and I frowned again. I didn't know what he meant. "I never would have expected it to affect you like that."

"I'm still confused."

"The stranger?" He prompted, and it became clear. I was only slightly embarrassed, but not enough to get irritated.

"I dunno." I sighed, shrugging a little. "I don't think it's infatu-whatever."

"Infatuation." He chuckled slightly. "I do. I've seen it hundreds of times, and your thoughts don't lie."

"I just think he helped me."

"He was very kind to you." He allowed. "Which isn't very common, even considering the circumstances, but I really don't think seeing him again would be a very good idea."

"I know." I replied, which was true. I did understand that. I looked over. "What does infatuation mean?"

"An intense admiration." He explained. "You were drawn to him. Which is exactly what our kind is designed to do."

"Oh." I muttered. In that case, maybe I was. "Why is it interesting?"

"Because I would have expected you to be a little less susceptible, given who you live with." He smirked again.

"Maybe it's just him." I said, and he considered that for a second. "I don't get it either, but I'm not that worried about it."

I turned, looking back as the door opened behind us and Carlisle walked out.

"I've spoken to Heather." He informed me once the door was closed. "She's taken the precautions needed to ensure your safety there. The police are aware that he's been around, and though they can't exactly make him leave, he isn't allowed within a certain distance of her home or her family."

I nodded.

"She's willing to keep you for as long as it's needed." He went on. "She never even asked questions." My next landing pad was set up.

"I trust her." I nodded again. I looked over. "She might ask me, though. What should I say? I don't think a family emergency excuse is gonna cut it if I have to be there for months."

"She may not." He replied. "If she does, tell her you weren't filled in." I nodded. That was easy enough.

"How long until I have to leave?"

"Hopefully a few days." He replied, and I looked down. I had been gone so often now, that I had no clue it was getting that close. "But there is something else I think we need to consider."

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Possibly getting you there early." He answered. "If it's at all possible, I'd like to avoid you needing to witness what might happen regarding Bella."

That really put into perspective his expectation of the way this situation was going to end.

"I don't wanna go until I have to." I muttered. "I wanna stay as long as I can."

"But if the opportunity arises, I think it would be worth it. I want to be sure you're safe, and considering the events of yesterday and the discussion I had with Heather this morning, I believe it would be safer for you there than it is here right now."

"I'm safe here." I argued. "Just because a bunch of wolves are throwing a fit doesn't mean I'm not safe. I'm not scared of them."

"It's not necessarily them I'm worried about, Leandra." Carlisle replied. "We don't know how long they will hold out, and without being able to hunt, I'm genuinely concerned for your safety here."

"I'm not." I grumbled, but I did understand. I whined again. "But what if something happens? W-With me, I mean. I don't wanna be somewhere else if.." I trailed off, looking down.

"I know." He sighed sadly, but it didn't change anything. I really hadn't realized before how badly this would bother me. Now that I was actually faced with having to leave, everything sort of came up at once. Fast enough to take me off guard.

"Or.. What if something else happens?" I whimpered. "To you? I don't wanna be somewhere else." Before he could even try to tell me not to worry about them, I stepped forward and hugged him.

I knew it wasn't the case, but in a way, it really felt like I was losing my place. I didn't want to let that go. He returned my hug easily, and that helped, but it wasn't nearly enough to make it okay.

"You've been so brave throughout all of this." Carlisle told me. "Far more than I have the right to ask of you. I promise everything will be okay."

He couldn't promise that. He was trying to promise way too much and the fact that I immediately knew that bothered me. A lot.

"Just a few more days." I requested, looking up. "Please?"

And I read his response in his expression before he even said it out loud.

"We may not have a few more days."

Well, that was crushing. In such a short time, someone we all cared about might possibly be gone forever. At that thought, it sunk in further. I regretted having that realization, especially as Edward turned and walked inside.

I'd never really been faced with this kind of thing before, and I was confused.

I felt like I'd been confused since this whole thing started. Since the day of the wedding.

"As long as I can, then." I mumbled. "It feels too much like last year. Please don't make me go yet." He couldn't exactly argue with me on that. He just sighed, continuing to hug me securely.

I just needed to come to terms with it again. Finding out that it was so close completely shook me. I knew they weren't going anywhere, but I was. Just like when I had to live with my mom again. It was too similar, because his excuse for making me go then was the same as it was now. For my own safety.

It was "better" this way.

I was "safer" there.

They didn't want to "risk" it.

I started to cry. I'd been hiding the comparisons from myself. Now they were completely front and center, the one thing I was focusing on, and it was so much harder to be brave about this. Not when it was one of my worst fears.

"Please." I begged again, making my emotion known. As often as I'd wanted to leave lately, I always had the option to come back. It wasn't my family I wanted to leave.

"What's wrong?" I jumped a little at Seth's approaching voice. "Is she okay?" I didn't bother to turn or look back.

"She's a little hesitant to leave." Carlisle replied. "Though I can't blame her, this poses something of a problem."

"I don't blame her either." Seth replied. "The whole situation stinks, but that's just it. It's hard on everybody." I finally opened my tearing eyes and looked over at him. "I know how you feel, you know."

"How?" I asked, my voice thick.

"I can't go home either." He replied. "At least not until everything is over."

"I didn't think about it like that." I admitted, sniffling. I finally let go of Carlisle, and he let me step back. Seth smiled a little at me, before he looked at Carlisle.

"I'll talk to her." He assured him. "Maybe I can help."

When I didn't protest, Carlisle nodded. "Thank you, Seth."

"No problem." Seth replied easily before he looked at me. "Wanna go for a walk?" I frowned a little, so he clarified. "Around here."

Sure.

I nodded with a shrug, and he smiled at me. "Come on." He turned and headed down the steps. For some reason, I followed him.

"You don't have to worry." He started as soon as we made it off the steps. We started walking. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to them."

"I know." I mumbled. "But it's not that. I know they can take care of themselves. I just hate being anywhere without them, and it's too much like last year."

"What happened last year?" He asked, looking down at me.

"When they left." I clarified, and he nodded a little.

"I remember a little bit about that." He replied.

"I still remember every second." I sighed. "I'm so scared it's gonna turn out the same way. Them leaving me behind the second they can."

"I'm sure it wasn't like that."

"It felt like it." I admitted. "And now this time feels like it did that time. I don't wanna go, but I know I have to go."

"You feel like they're going to leave?" He asked. "The way you feel things?" He must have been told about my frustratingly undeveloped ability. I didn't really care that he knew.

"I don't know." I mumbled. "I can't tell if it's real or if I'm just freaking myself out, but it's definitely a bad feeling. I was sort of okay with it before, but when he said I should go early, I got scared. I'd give anything just to stay here. I hate that I even have to go somewhere else. Just because I'm the stupid human."

"Hey." He looked over. "Don't say that. Your family loves you just the way you are. Human and all. They only want to make sure you're safe."

"I _know_ all that." I sighed.

"But you don't believe it?"

"I believe it." I argued. "I just.. I dunno. What if?"

"You'll drive yourself nuts thinking about all the what if's." He pointed out. "Nothing changes just because you worry about it."

"But what if?" I pressed. "If anything happens to them, or if they don't want me anymore, what'll I do?"

"I know it's a little rocky right now." He said. "It'll get better. I'll personally make sure they're safe, and even if they _wanted_ to, I wouldn't let them leave you. You're just as much a part of the family as anyone. It sounds like they're gonna let you stay another day or two." Taking a breath, I nodded.

I wanted to let that make me feel better, but it was really hard.

We only circled the house, heading towards the back but we were closer to the river this way, and I jumped at the sound of something running by. It was too fast for me to see, but it sounded huge. I felt each running impact from where I stood.

"That's just Leah." He assured me. I believed that easily.

"She's fast." I forced a small laugh. I looked in the direction she'd gone, but couldn't see her. "Doesn't she need help?"

"Nah." He replied. "I'm technically resting."

"What's it like?" I was curious. "Turning into a giant wolf?"

"I like it." He shrugged. "It's actually pretty cool."

"I wish I could do something like that." I smiled a little, and he looked over.

"I wish I could do what you can do." He countered. "How cool would that be?"

"Not cool at all." I shook my head. "Trust me. This sucks."

"You're still getting the hang of it, right?"

"No." I muttered flatly. "It's not doing anything now. I can't figure it out."

"You will." He nodded.

I wasn't so sure, but I shut up. He was trying to be reassuring.

I spent the rest of the day outside. I even got spend some time in the tree house, but it just made me more sad. I was really going to miss my home, and I wanted to remember everything about it.

So I started noticing things. Things I never imagined I'd notice before. Little things. Tiny things. Sights, sounds, smells, everything I could remember.

I noticed more things about me as well. A freckle I never knew I had on the underside of my toe. Just a small one on the second toe of my left foot, and I thought what an odd place for a freckle to show up.

The slightly irritating way my hair would tickle my face when the breeze blew from the west. How long my hair was getting, falling down passed the center of my back, and as Alice would say, how I needed a trim. The color a dark brownish red, just like it had been my entire life, but it seemed just a little lighter today.

The next day was spent watching my family. I was no longer a worry, most of the time off in my own little world of noticing things, but staying out of trouble just the same, so it wasn't often I interacted with them much. Not to mention the fact that their eyes had grown significantly darker, and that concerned me a bit.

Bella had been sicker today. Just as I knew would happen. Almost overnight, she was worse. So quick. Very quickly now, and she was watched even closer. I could walk through the room without a single glance my way.

Noticing the way that, overnight, my family grew more concerned about Bella, and less concerned about me. As petty as it sounded, that bothered me. I tried to deny it, to refuse to let it bother me, but there was no way.

I had been missing my friends today, but I knew I'd be seeing them soon enough, so I hadn't been tempted to try getting there. I didn't feel like going anywhere. I was going through plenty of things myself, so I didn't want to be anywhere but home. While I still could.

So I sat on the top step of the porch tonight.

"Hey." I looked up and over at Seth's approach. He seemed to be doing better. Behind me, Jacob left the house, walking right by me like I wasn't there. It was easier that way.

"Hey." I replied to Seth.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, sitting on the step beside me. I was a little surprised he still wanted to talk to me, even when he didn't have to, but I wasn't complaining. I liked him.

"Sitting here." I shrugged a little.

"I see that." He smirked.

"That's all I'm doing." I clarified. I didn't really know how else to answer him.

"Cheer up." He nudged me gently.

"I can't." I sighed, resting my chin on my drawn up knees. "I heard it takes months before a newborn can even start learning how to control themselves."

"Doubt it." Seth offered, and I looked over. "Come on. Months? With this many people keeping her out of trouble?"

I hadn't thought of that.

"They're not going to keep you there for _months_." He shook his head. "No way. They know all the tricks, and they're gonna teach her. You'll see. I'm gonna say two weeks, tops."

"I can do two weeks." I nodded easily. "I can even do four, but I'm so scared it'll be longer." I sighed again. "My stomach hurts."

"Trust them." He said. "Don't worry so much." I was a little surprised when he reached over and hugged me into his side, but I didn't mind it. It was nice to matter again.

I looked back as the door opened again, and Carlisle stepped outside. I read his expression just as easily as Seth seemed to. He wanted to talk to me.

"I'll be inside." Seth laughed a little, standing up.

It was silent for a moment after he disappeared inside. I lowered my head again, and I knew he was no stranger to my insecure posture. He'd seen it more than anyone else, and that fact wasn't lost on me.

"I understand where you might have gotten confused." He started, sighing as he sat down beside me in Seth's vacated spot. "I'm sorry I haven't kept you as informed as I should have, but until now, we weren't sure which direction this would go." I glanced over at him, so he continued.

"You won't be gone for longer than it takes for us to assess Bella as a newborn." He explained. "We need to get to know her and her behaviors before we dare letting you two around each other. She won't be staying here permanently."

"What about the baby?" I asked quietly.

"That's a different matter entirely." He sighed. I could see the thought still worried him. "It seems it has developed a craving for blood."

I winced. I wasn't sure what I was thinking before, but somehow, that made sense.

"We'll keep closer watch on it and Bella's appetite, but this is a good thing." He added. "Any kind of further understanding is a good thing."

"True." I mumbled. Knowing some things was a whole lot better than not knowing anything. I frowned. "Wait, how did you figure that out?"

"We tested it." He explained. "Upon ingesting it, Bella's situation immediately turned around."

I knew what he meant by ingesting it, but I didn't think about that too much. I looked over, now a little hopeful.

"She's doing better?"

"Already." He confirmed. "I need to keep a close eye on her, to make sure it lasts, but it's a relief."

I nodded. It was a relief.

"Leandra, I know it's been hard the last couple of days." He went on, and I lowered my head again. "I know it's been so hard for you to deal with, and I'm sorry you had to at all."

"You're just doing the best you can." I mumbled, shrugging a little. "Nobody knew this was gonna happen. I just kinda miss it, you know?" I hesitated. "But if I'm not gonna be gone for months, I'll be okay."

"Seth's estimate is about right." He nodded. "Two weeks at the most." I took a deep breath and nodded. That made this a whole lot better.

I was suddenly so glad I stuck around.

"I am worried." He went on, and I looked over. "I'm so worried about you."

"Me?" I frowned.

"Leandra, you've proven lately that your judgement isn't the best." He reminded me, and I looked down.

"I don't know why." I sighed, shrugging a little. I didn't have an answer for him.

"I need to be sure you'll stay out of trouble."

"I'm just a magnet for trouble." I pointed out.

"Show me a child that isn't." He countered, and I shook my head.

"Most parents don't have to worry about the stuff you have to worry about." I countered his counter, giving him a look. I was right, and he knew it.

"You're also not like most children." He murmured, interested now.

"I never said I was. You compared me to them first." I was having fun now. Outsmarting Carlisle really wasn't something easy to do.

"I never compared you to them." He corrected. "I only said that most children find trouble. You, on the other hand, seem to find it more often, and in outrageous quantities."

Well, damn.

"You got me there." I laughed a little, sitting back. It was quiet for a moment as my smile slowly faded, and I looked down. "I've been a little stuck on it too. I'm not trying to be perfect. I just wanna be okay. I just want someone to tell me that I won't grow up, and be someone everybody hates."

"I can guarantee you won't." His tone had me look up. "I guarantee that right now." He was so sure. I smiled a little.

"I'd rather be like you." I admitted. "But that's probably not possible."

"Thank you." He said. "It is possible, Leandra. One day, you'll see the amazing potential in yourself. You're still so young. Give it time."

"I don't feel that young." I sighed. "I swear, I was really born thirty years ago. I just look eleven."

He chuckled. "Sometimes I truly wonder."

"Do I bother you when I ask things?" I asked, curious.

"Definitely not." He smiled. "You're looking for knowledge. Or answers to the many questions you're bound to have. I love to help any way I can."

"You've helped me plenty." I reminded him. "I feel a little bad."

"Why?" He asked, frowning a little.

"Because I can't give anything back." I said. "You give everything, but I can't give anything to you in return."

"You're not expected to." He told me. "And you give plenty."

"Plenty of headaches." I laughed, looking over.

"You've always been the very definition of strength, Leandra." He corrected. "From the very day I met you. By choosing to tolerate us for what we are, you deny your very nature just as much as we attempt to deny ours. By choosing to do so, you allow us to witness what it means to stand strong."

"Tolerate you?" I asked, surprised, and he looked down. "Is that what you think I do?" That made so much sense, I felt like I'd been slapped awake. He didn't reply, so I laughed a little. "Carlisle, I couldn't live without you. When I'm in trouble, out there somewhere, all I can think about is getting back home. That has to mean something. I mean, I know I mess up a lot, but without you, I would never have had the chance to mess up at all."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're human, Leandra." He murmured. "You're not meant to accept us for what we are."

"Yeah, I'm human. So what?" I asked. "I'll be like you one day a long time from now. Then you'll never be able to get rid of me." I smiled a little, trying to ease his obvious worry. "Just because I'm human doesn't mean it's a bad thing that I'm learning to be like you. It's harder for me, but when have I ever picked the easy way?"

That got him to smile a little also, chuckling quietly.

"There's nothing wrong with vampires adopting a human." I insisted, getting more comfortable. "It's just like those shows on TV about a cheetah that adopts a gazelle, or a tiger that adopts a little piggy, or something. It's just like that." I glanced back toward the door at Emmett's laughter, unable to keep from laughing as well. "It's a little weird, but there's nothing wrong with it. The way I see it, all that matters is that you mean the world to me, and I must mean something to you, because you saw something in me that I still don't see in myself. It shouldn't matter that I'm not like you. It doesn't matter to me, anyway. It never has."

"You're definitely wise beyond your years, Leandra." He nodded a little, standing with a slight sighing chuckle. I stood up also, following him as he made his way back into the house. I walked along beside him as we headed in to no doubt check on Bella again.

I got to see for myself that Bella was doing a lot better. She didn't quite look healthy yet, but she didn't look quite dead anymore. She was upright, which had become rare these days.

This was one of those things that I hadn't fully realized how bad it was getting until I noticed that she looked better.

Her having to drink blood did make sense in its own way, because the baby was half vampire, and from what I understood about pregnancy, what the baby wanted went, but the fact that she didn't mind doing it grossed me out to no end. I didn't particularly like the taste of blood, as I'd tasted it on more than one occasion recently, but the thought of actually drinking it straight made me shudder and not stop.

But it was helping her. I was only going to be happy for her.

Carlisle continued through the room, though, once he'd checked on her. To my surprise, and I followed as he made his way into the next room. Where Edward stood waiting. He must have called Carlisle. He glanced to me, but didn't ask. Knowing my attachment.

"There isn't a lot of blood here. Maybe two days worth." Edward sighed, and Carlisle sighed as well.

"She'll need more."

"I can give some." I suggested, and Carlisle smiled a little. Edward following suit.

"No, Leandra." He said. "That's very kind of you, but no."

"I won't miss it." I insisted.

"I think you've lost enough blood in your life." Edward pointed out.

I frowned a little as involuntarily, the memories of all the times I'd lost significant amounts of blood crawled through my head. More specifically, the courthouse where I nearly died. I shivered at the memory, reaching up unconsciously and touching the area of my shoulder that held my scar. I had a matching spot on my back, but that spot was harder to reach.

"True." I mumbled, sighing a little. As much as I wanted to be helpful, I also kind of liked my blood right where it was.

"And the last thing we need is the baby to get a taste for your blood." Edward added, and I shook my head. Yeah, that'd be bad. I couldn't help wondering, though. Didn't all blood types taste the same?

It turned out I was more tired than I thought I was. I fell asleep that evening, long before nightfall, and woke up the next afternoon. Very disoriented. It'd been a very long time since I'd slept that hard.

I'd woken up with a nervous knot in my stomach, and as I climbed out of bed, my hand rubbed my stomach. Trying to ease it. I hated waking up like this.

I sensed the change in Bella and Edward just by looking at them on my way through the living room. I watched Edward and Bella as they sat cuddling on the couch, and the way they seemed close again made me smile a little. Something new had happened, and though I didn't know what it was, I knew it was a good thing. Hopefully it helped her.

It'd been too different for too long. A little bit of normal was really needed.

I found Carlisle and Esme talking to Jacob, and I waited just out of hearing range. Not wanting to be rude. Seconds after the front door closed, Jacob leaving, Carlisle and Esme found me.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Esme asked, pressing her palm to my forehead before I answered. The worry in her eyes told me she was fully aware of how long I'd been sleeping.

"I'm okay. Just kinda out of it, and my head hurts, but I wanna be around right now." I admitted. "I know I'm in the way, but I miss you." Carlisle gave me a soft smile, sighing a little.

"I'll get you something." He finally said, turning toward the stairs. It was difficult to concentrate today.

"Tonight, I want you to get plenty of rest, okay?" Carlisle returned two seconds later. "We won't be here, so just sleep."

"Where are you going?" I asked, taking the pill he offered.

"We are going to attempt a hunt tonight." Esme explained, smoothing her hand over my forehead again. Trying to comfort me, no doubt, after news like that.

"With the wolves still out there?" I asked, worry in my tone now. "You can't do that."

"We'll be okay." Esme told me. "Emmett is coming along, and Jake is willing to help us."

"I don't care." I gasped, shaking my head. "Don't go."

"It'll be alright, honey." She murmured, hugging me into her side. "I don't want you to worry."

"Too late." I was surprised to find I was nervous enough to cry. "Don't go. Find some other way."

"Leandra, we have to." Carlisle finally spoke up. "We have to do everything we can to help Bella. We'd do the same for you."

"I wouldn't want you to." I replied, wiping the few tears that escaped away. Whimpering a little, shaking my head. "Please?"

"I'm sorry." He said. "We'll be alright, Leandra. Please believe that."

"I wouldn't let anything happen to them, shorty." Emmett suddenly stood in the doorway. "You're worrying again."

"I know I am." I sniffled. "I just don't want anyone to go anywhere."

"Alice will keep an eye on you." Carlisle informed me. "So stay inside. Don't go anywhere." I pursed my lips, but didn't reply, so he went on. "Things are going to happen fast. I want to be sure we're ready for anything it takes, but that includes you."

"Me?" I sniffled.

"I want you to be ready to go as soon as you need to be picked up." He clarified.

That gave me a direction. Something else to focus on besides the panic, and I easily recalled that I wouldn't be gone that long. I just needed to pack a bag for two weeks at the most.

That, and I had to believe they knew what they were doing. That wasn't hard for me to do, because they'd proven it time and again.

I sniffled hard this time, breathing in deep. "Okay. I'll be ready."

Without waiting, Carlisle reached out and hugged me. I could tell he didn't like this any more than I did, and that made a big difference.

I worried the entire rest of the day, following Carlisle around the rest of the day. My nervousness only getting worse the closer it came to nightfall.

I refused to tell anyone about how close my nervousness was to dread, only getting more agitated the closer it came to becoming pure dread. It was there, I knew it. I felt it. I couldn't ignore it, so when Carlisle stood to leave the room that night, I reached out and grabbed his wrist.

It immediately struck me how similar that move was to the way I'd done that the day I first met him. Desperation had moved me.

"Don't go." I whined, and he sighed, kneeling in front of me.

"We won't be gone long." He tried to ease my worry. "I'll make sure of it. I want to be as strong as I can for Bella. You know the only way to do that is to hunt."

"I know." I mumbled. "I just.. I don't want you to go."

"We'll be back before you know it." He gave me a smile, which I couldn't return. He stood, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "Get some rest tonight, Leandra. Please."

I didn't reply, and I kept my eyes down now as he let go of my hand. He turned, leaving the room. It took every ounce of control I had not to follow him.

Standing, I left the room once I heard the front door close downstairs, and I knew it was their only open window. I hated having them already so far away. I headed downstairs into my room.

I rubbed my nervous stomach, turning away from the window. I hoped, prayed this time I was wrong. That I didn't have to be nervous. There really was a lot to be nervous about, and I knew that. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett out there with wolves that would do whatever was necessary to get to Bella. Bella ready to give birth any day now. I knew something was coming, something was going to happen soon.

It might not have been tonight, but in the next few days, at least.

The fact that I felt this dread the moment I was told they were leaving that night worried me. I didn't want anything to happen to them, but I felt the dread plain as day. I felt something would happen, and yet here I was, not saying a word about it and powerless to stop anything from happening.

This feeling scared me, and I'd have given anything to have Carlisle and Esme back home. Them being home meant safety. I recognized that, and I always had. Usually it was me leaving them. Hardly ever did they leave me. It made me uncomfortable, edgy. Nervous.

I returned to my room, and I tried hard to ignore the pounding of my heart as I grabbed a duffel bag from the top of my closet. I hated this thing, and despite how much I tried to, I couldn't calm down.

So I thought, and I thought hard about what I could tell myself to make this situation alright.

Was this really dread I felt? I ignored the truth of that question.

Was my nervousness just a product of my abandonment fears? Whenever he or Esme had gone hunting, I'd always be asleep. Never aware of their absence, in case I needed them. This was what I had to get over. I had to just get over it, and learn how to be apart from Esme and Carlisle. I was probably just working myself up over nothing. Emmett was with them. They were probably perfectly fine.

They were fine, I told myself as I chose clothes to pack into said bag. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing would happen, and they'd be home soon. I still cried, however. It bothered me a great deal to have them leave me like that.

A knock at the door had me turn around.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly. The door opened, and to my surprise Jasper walked in. His eyes were still blacker than the night outside, but I trusted his judgement. If I was honest with myself, I expected him to talk to me.

He lifted his hand, holding a bar of chocolate and a can of soda with a smirk. "I thought you could use some company." I smiled a little, nodding as I sat down on the bed beside my bag. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, sighing as he crossed the room.

"Carlisle wouldn't be happy if he knew I was feeding you candy and soda before bed, but.. I don't care." He sat down on the side of the bed, just on the other side of my bag. I accepted the feel-better bribes with a small smile.

"Thanks." I sighed, crossing my legs. "I still don't feel any better about this. I hate feeling like this so much."

"I know." He replied, and I knew I'd found the main source of his concern. I nibbled on a piece of chocolate, sighing quietly. He looked down at my bag, knowing what it was for.

"Is it bad that I just want everything to be over?" I asked hesitantly. "Not in a bad way, I mean, but.."

"I know what you mean." He said. "No, it's not bad of you. You're craving stability, and nobody can blame you for that."

That was it. I hadn't had the right word for it.

"You've handled this a lot better than we expected." He went on. "Even when it seems like we weren't paying attention, there's no way we couldn't."

"I know." I replied, nodding. "I get it now. I was jealous there for a minute."

"I know." He repeated, nodding. Of course he knew.

"When everything's over, can we just go back to the way things were?" I asked sadly. "Before I made all those stupid choices."

"About that." He sighed. "Leandra, we're taking no chances with Ken."

I hated that thought, looking down.

"If he's brave enough to kidnap you that way, he's stupid enough to try something." He clarified. "If he continues to be a problem.."

"I know." I didn't need him to keep going.

"We're trusting Heather with your safety." He went on. "That means she needs to be able to trust you."

"I'm not gonna be stupid again. I wanna live to come back here eventually." I sighed, shaking my head. "I just don't know."

"Just try-" He cut off, looking quickly over at the door. The intense worry in his eyes had me stand instantly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, watching as he stood as well, his eyes still on the door. When he didn't answer me, I turned.

Heading straight for the door myself.

 **A/N: Silly, Leandra.  
I might have skipped ahead a bit. I wanted to get a move-on, and to avoid sounding like a broken record, I took a lot out.  
I also know this chapter was kind of choppy. I hope it was still worth it to read. :{  
I've had so much on my mind, and I'm only bound to get more after today, so I wanted to get this out to you guys while I could.  
THANK YOU! To those amazing reviewers of last chapter! You guys make my bad days so much better! THANK YOU!  
** **I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record anyway, but chapter fourteen might be a bit of a wait. I'll be doing my best to get it out sooner. Mainly because of the killer cliffhanger I just left you guys on lol  
** **Until fourteen, my friends! (:**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Leandra." Jasper called, but I didn't stop. "Leandra, stop. Stay in here." I continued, when I really should have stopped. My hand closed on the knob before I felt his hand close on my arm.

Whatever was happening out in the living room was obviously something I really didn't need to see. He stopped me, and I looked up at him. By the second, literally, his tension was rising.

"No matter what you hear, you stay in this room." He told me firmly, and hearing the stress there made me nod. I was scared, because he was too, but I also knew me doing whatever I wanted wasn't the way to go.

"Okay." I mumbled. "What's going on, though?"

"Just promise me you'll stay here. Don't come out." He stressed and I took a breath. Nodding as I returned to my bed.

"I promise." I mumbled as he waited. I sat down.

He looked at me for a second longer.

"I promise." I said again. This time, he turned with a nod, and left the room. Closing the door firmly behind himself.

As badly as I wanted to come out, just for a little look, the tone of his voice had been one I couldn't ignore.

In many ways, Jasper was a big part of raising me. That fact wasn't lost on me, and I knew he understood it as well. Just as much as everyone else, and I felt as well as saw the fact that every bit of his intention was to keep me safe. It was a feeling. I'd just have to trust him. I didn't know where he was going, but I obviously wasn't allowed to go.

I was too tense, though.

I paced, alone for several minutes. By the very faint sounds further in the house that I ignored, I finally gathered that whatever it was had to do with Bella, and it scared me to remember that Carlisle was out there somewhere. I wanted so bad to help somehow, but I also knew it wouldn't do much good to break my promise to Jasper.

He told me to stay in here no matter what I heard.

The silence was almost as terrifying as the sounds had been, and I finally crouched back by the window, covering my ears and letting a slow sob escape. I didn't like the silence.

I knew it was stupid to be the one scared when I didn't know anything at all, but it was impossible to fight. Even when I heard activity in the bathroom across the hall, I didn't budge because I'd promised.

It was good I promised because before that promise could lose its meaning several more minutes later, I was covering my ears again at the very loud, very unexpected sounds of many different wolf snarls outside.

The snarling was very loud, frightening, making me jump with each one. My heart pounding faster, harder with each passing second. Everything was happening too quickly to really get a good sense of what was going on. I couldn't make myself pay attention anymore.

I buried my eyes in my knees, still covering my ears in defense of the loud snarling and suffocating growls coming from right outside. I cried. I continued to cry, wishing I could do something, anything besides sit there like a coward, but I was too afraid.

Over how tight I compressed my ears between my hands and how hard I cried, I couldn't hear much anymore. My head was still ringing with the sounds of the wolves' snarling, I must have stayed there for a few minutes.

But I stayed. Through it all, I stayed. Not knowing was killing me, but I kept my promise to Jasper and stayed in my tightly curled ball beneath my bedroom window. I was flat out terrified, but I knew right there was the safest place I could be.

When the silence once again fell, I finally dared to uncover my ears. My cheeks were flooded with tears, my cheeks felt hot as I finally dared to peek outside. Trembling roughly, I unfolded only long enough to turn over and peer out the window.

I didn't see much from where I was, but I did see the shadows off to the right of several different individuals stretching into the darkness toward where my bedroom window was situated.

Was it over? Whatever 'it' was?

I ducked back down. I didn't want to risk it, and accidentally see something I didn't want to see. I sobbed again, curling back up.

I yelped, mostly screamed just a few minutes later when my bedroom door suddenly opened and I was no longer in here alone.

Esme reached me a second later, and I didn't waste another second. I hugged her instantly, taking a deep breath, seemingly for the first time in an hour.

"Are you okay?" She asked tensely, and I nodded. Taking a few more deeper breaths. I didn't know what to ask her first. My mind was absolutely flooded with questions.

"A-Are you?" That question chose itself. "I-Is everyone..?"

"We're fine, sweetie." She assured me. "Everyone is fine." I breathed again in relief I didn't know I needed, unfortunately sparking a few more tears. She hugged me again briefly before she stood and helped me to my feet.

She hugged me into her side and walked with me out of my room. The terrifying sounds were gone, but I still trembled.

I briefly looked up at Carlisle as we approached the living room and whimpered, hugging him tightly next. It helped a lot when he returned it.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle asked after a moment. The same thing Esme asked. I nodded again. He sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" I asked quietly, finally looking up. Thankful to see the gold returned to them. I calmed down even more once I saw that he and Esme both looked unharmed. Emmett behind them gave me a small smile.

"What happened?" I asked shakily. "I don't know anything."

"The baby's been born." Carlisle answered. "And as we speak, Bella is being turned. She'll be finished changing in roughly three days." I pulled back, shaking off whatever shock I was in.

"You've seen it?" I asked. "It's a baby?"

"Leave it to shorty to change a subject." Emmett chuckled.

"We haven't seen her yet." Esme replied. I had to remember that they had been gone this whole time.

"Where?" I was so curious, it nearly hurt.

"Right here." I looked over at Edward's reply in the doorway. He smiled a little, which told me he knew my curiosity was about to kill me. In his arm was a bundle of thick white blanket, and I suddenly found myself standing up on the couch in an effort to see what was inside it.

"I believe it's only fitting," Edward spoke again as he started closer. "That Leandra meet her next." I wanted to ask why, but I was too curious. "After all, she knew about her long before the wedding."

That was true. I'd forgotten about that part. It was weird to think about that now. Now, there was an extra family member.

Edward came to stand beside me, giving me the best look, but he lowered the bundle a little so everyone could get a good look.

It was a baby. Even squirming and pretty annoyed, she was pretty cute.

"This is Renesmee." He told me, and I smiled a little at the name. I thought it was beautiful.

The baby, Renesmee, opened her eyes, and looked up at me. The others were quiet as I looked closer. Amazed that she could hold my gaze so intelligently. The one baby I'd met hadn't been able to do that.

I thought about how much worry had surrounded this little baby, and how much the family had gone through while she grew. How much I'd gone through as a result. She was so small, it was impossible to place any heavy blame on her.

"Whoa." I muttered, gaining a few quiet laughs.

"Do you understand now?" Edward asked me, and I glanced up at him before looking right back down. "You knew about her before she even existed." That was just starting to sink in. I was just too amazed to speak.

I reached my hand out, letting Renesmee take my finger in her hand. Like I'd done for Kaylee before. Edward murmured a quiet warning, one I didn't heed.

Her small fingers closed on my finger, and though it was slightly painful of a grip, it didn't hurt near as much as when she pulled my finger closer and attempted to bite me. Her teeth grazed the skin, and she'd just started to apply pressure, but I yanked my hand back quickly, and she gave a single frustrated cry as Edward corrected her gently.

That was weird, but I also found it funny. I was certain it relieved everyone when I just laughed a little.

"No." I told her, and she actually looked at me. "No biting."

In baby fashion, she jerked her head, turning away from me with a huff, and I had to laugh again.

"Sorry." I told her defensively, and I didn't even feel weird for arguing with a baby.

I briefly wondered what this would mean for me, though. Something I surprisingly hadn't thought about yet. There was another kid here now. Though I was technically her aunt, which was weird enough to think about, but I still had to share everyone.

I quickly decided that as long as it wasn't anything like it'd been the last few weeks, I could handle it.

"It won't be." Edward assured me, and I nodded with a sigh. I trusted him.

Esme was next to hold her, and the smile that came to her face was one that made everything seem right. Her smile made everything okay, and I found I was lighter now when I jumped down from the couch.

All traces of jealousy were gone at just seeing how happy Esme was cuddling that baby. She was ecstatic, and that made me feel ecstatic for her which left no room for that old jealousy.

I looked up as Carlisle hugged me into his side, and I was so relieved to see the gold returned to his eyes. I knew eventually he'd be talking to me about going, because this was as long as I could stay, but for right then, I could just be happy where I was. What came next could wait for a second.

"Is everything gonna be okay now?" I asked quietly, and he looked down at me. "Does this mean I can go outside again? Can you guys go hunting again?"

"I think so." He replied with a sigh. "For what it's worth, Leandra, I'm amazed. I'm very proud of you."

That was worth a lot. Because he was proud of me, I was able to be proud of myself. Though I felt I didn't really do anything worth being proud of, I'd made it through something like this in one piece. There were many days I felt like I would go nuts stuck in my own head while being ignored, and it was really hard on me, but I hung in there. That in itself was reason enough to be proud.

"Thanks." I sighed as well in reply. It did mean a lot to hear that from him.

I looked over, surprised as Jacob and Seth both came walking in. I was even more surprised as Jacob walked right over to Esme, and peered into the blanket. Not in an overbearing or pushy way, but more like he stood with her. An extra, not taking over. I caught the difference.

That must have been okay, because nobody stopped him. I couldn't see why that wouldn't be okay. Jacob had been here for the last half of the entire thing. Why shouldn't he be able to see what the result of all the stress turned out to be?

"Hey." Seth seemed tense, coming to my other side. It was weird seeing him so tense. He was usually the most laid-back. I had to wonder if he was one of the wolves I heard outside.

"Hey." I mumbled in reply.

"Everyone good here?" He asked, and I nodded.

"I think so." I said, glancing back up at Carlisle.

"Cutting it kinda close, aren't you?" Jacob asked, and by the way he was looking over here, he meant me. I gave him a look.

"I'm confident we have a little time." Carlisle replied.

"I'm sorry he's not throwing me at Heather fast enough for you." I grumbled, and Jacob actually smirked.

"I just mean you probably don't want to be here when she wakes up." Jacob replied, and strangely, he was being civil. I'd pretty much ignored him the entire time he was here, and he did the same.

"I know." I replied. "I just wanna stay as long as I can. It's hard for me to feel safe anywhere but here, even when it's dangerous."

He glanced down at the bundle in Esme's arms, before looking at me again.

"How are you around babies?" He asked, and I frowned. Honestly confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Don't answer that." Edward growled from where he stood beside Esme. "Jacob, don't even go there."

Jacob shook his head. "I've heard-"

"You're lucky to even be here right now." Edward cut him off. "I trust Leandra completely. You will not insult her by making assumptions like that."

I still didn't understand, but I felt grateful that Edward would trust me, for whatever reason. I had a feeling that Jacob was worried about the baby, but I didn't quite understand why. It wasn't like I'd ever intentionally hurt her, if that was what he was worried about.

The few times I'd held my youngest sister, I was more afraid of accidentally hurting her than anything.

"Okay." Jacob relented, holding his hands up defensively. "But if she starts looking rabid-"

"Hey." I frowned.

"Say it." Edward challenged. "Jacob, you're on _very_ thin ice. I appreciate your help outside, but that by no means gives you the right to talk to her like that. Enough."

"Come on, guys. Don't fight." Seth sighed. "Jake, she's part of the family. Get used to it already."

"Is something going on that I don't know about?" I asked, now hesitant. Was there more I should be let in on? Edward seemed extra willing to punch Jacob right in the face, and was just itching for a reason. Despite his mentioned appreciation.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, sweetheart." Esme assured me, and though I didn't quite believe her, I let it go.

I closed my eyes, so suddenly exhausted. Just like I was told, everything happened so incredibly quickly, and my head was still spinning. I was so glad to hear that Bella was going to be okay. So relieved, it was nearly painful.

Knowing that everything was going to be okay made it easier to leave the next morning. It was nearly noon before Heather showed up for me. It made it easier to hug everyone goodbye, and hope that it would last me the two weeks I'd need to be gone.

"Remember." Carlisle crouched in front of me on the porch on my way out. "This is only temporary. If you need anything at all, at any time, call me." I appreciated his reminder. It made me feel a lot better. He handed me my cell phone and hugged me again. This time, he kissed the side of my head. That was a new thing, but I wasn't bothered by it.

With my bag sitting in the back seat, Heather drove me away from my home. Though she was upbeat about it, she knew how hard this was on me.

She was dressed in her work clothes, which told me she had left work to come pick me up. It was a Monday, so I'd be spending the afternoon with Mark. The boys would be home from school by 3:30 and she would be home by 5:30. I could deal with that.

I tried not to draw out the goodbyes, but I couldn't really help it. I hated the idea of leaving them, but again, I knew it was for everyone's benefit.

The trip there was quiet. I didn't say much, and neither did she. It was the first time I was seeing her after what I did. I didn't know how to start apologizing to her for leading Ken straight to her house. How was someone supposed to apologize for that?

"Have you had lunch yet, honey?" She asked as she pulled into her driveway. She was trying so hard to be comforting.

"No." I replied quietly. "I'm not that hungry."

"Don't worry." She said. "I'm sure you'll be back home soon."

I was a little depressed, but I didn't want to be negative out loud. I didn't want her to think more was going on than what she was told.

"Until then." She said, turning off the car. "You're welcome here for as long as you need to stay."

"Even after what I did?" I asked shamefully.

"Honey, I'm not mad at you for that." She replied. "You had no idea, but I am upset that you would do something like that."

"I know." I sighed heavily. "Believe me, I heard all about that."

She laughed quietly. "I bet you did. I made sure of it. I called because I already told you. I love you like one of my own, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to help your parents keep you safe. If that means being the tattle-tale, so be it."

I nodded. I wasn't mad at her for calling them. I kept my eyes down sadly, the guilt in my stomach making it ache. She clearly saw it, though. Reaching over, she cupped my chin gently in her fingers and had me look at her.

"And while you're here, I'll protect you like one of my own." She added. "I don't want you to worry about anything, okay? Nothing."

I believed the determination in her eyes, so I took a breath and nodded.

"How, though?" I was curious. She smiled, smoothed my cheek and let her hand fall.

"Well, he might know where I live now, but that doesn't mean he's welcome to come around. A restraining order is in place, so if I have to beat the hell out of him, it's not my fault." She smiled briefly, getting out of the car.

She was pretty awesome.

I jumped out as well, rounding to the back seat for my bag and my pillow. She pulled it out and set it down so she could grab something else. I lifted it, and she smiled her thanks.

I followed her into the house, dragging my huge bag with me.

I had to admit there were worse places I could have gone. I trusted her the most to keep her word, and I knew she was the toughest human woman I'd ever met. I trusted that if it really came down to it, she would protect me. I'd seen it before.

Mark jogged down the stairs as we were just coming in the door, grinning as if he was just caught in a rush.

"Bed's up." He told us. He smiled at me. "I hope you don't mind sharing a room with the boys. We're a little scrunched for space."

"I don't mind." I replied easily. I'd have preferred that anyway.

"Oh, good." He seemed honestly relieved. "Well, make yourself at home, sweetie. Do you want me to carry that up for you?" He gestured to my bag.

"Sure." I said, and he reached out. I let the strap fall from my shoulder into his hand, and he lifted it easily.

"There are two bottom drawers cleared out in the dresser." He told me on his way up the stairs. I took the hint and followed him. "If you need more space, just let me know. We'll figure something out."

Up the hall, and into the first door on the right was the boys room.

On the closest side of the dresser, just far enough out of reach of the door was an inflated air mattress. It was probably the only spot to put it in the room besides the middle of it.

There was already a sheet on it, but wasn't completely made. He set my bag beside the bed, and I dropped my pillow on the bed.

"I hope this thing holds out." He nudged the mattress with his foot. "It's always iffy around here."

Last I heard, this air mattress had a hole in it. I now knew that Mark and Heather were unaware of said hole, but I wouldn't be the snitch.

"I'll let you get settled." He smiled again, and I nodded my thanks. He nodded as well, turning and leaving the room. I was grateful for this time alone. I needed it to keep from making this whole situation harder on myself.

I took my time putting a few pieces of my clothing away in the two empty drawers. Taking a second to breathe in the smell of my pillow. It smelled like home, and it comforted me.

When I descended the stairs again, Heather was in the kitchen talking to Mark. Her voice wafted up the short hall as I approached.

She showed absolutely no signs of worrying. She acted like nothing in the world was wrong. Like her father hadn't just shown up out of nowhere. She had every bit of her confidence.

"Hey, sweetie." She greeted lightly. She set the glass of water she held down on the table in front of her to rest it. "I was just talking to Mark here about you being home during the day. Sit for a second." She gestured to the seat with a sandwich placed in front of it. I took the hint, sitting down.

"Mark will be here with you most of the time." She informed me. "He works from home, so if you need anything, you can find him in the office. I've also been told of your tendency to.. Wander the second not enough attention is on you." I waited as she paused, giving me a stern look. "There won't be any of that here, okay?"

I shook my head.

"I mean it, Leandra." She said. "As much as I wish I could be in twelve places at once, I can't. I need to trust that you're safe at all times, so I'm asking you to stay here during the day."

"But-"

"No buts." She argued. "You're not to go anywhere alone while you're here. Am I clear? If the boys are with you, that's fine. If one of us is with you, that's fine, but not alone."

"Okay." I reluctantly agreed.

"I know it seems like I'm being a little overbearing, but that's how I do it." She smiled a little. "Just be honest with me, and I'll always return that favor. If I find out you've been out alone.."

She trailed off for a second, and Mark winced with a head shake at me. I laughed a little. It didn't seem like much of a threat when Mark reacted like that.

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it." Heather went on. "Just stay inside, sweetie. That's all I ask."

"Okay." I agreed again.

"You won't have any chores, but I do ask that you pick up after yourself. Clothes where clothes go, dishes in the sink, trash picked up. Things like that."

"Oh, don't worry." I shook my head. "I always do. My room's always clean at home. I might have to work a little bit on the boys' room."

"Feel free to pitch in whenever you want." She laughed a little. "Lord knows Mark here could use a hand."

"Hey." He feigned offence. "I do a pretty good job around here, don't I? You could eat off these floors."

"You know.." She stressed. "Just from the health hazard alone, that expression makes me cringe every single time I hear it, but from a mother's stand-point, I kinda want to smack you for saying it."

I knew she never would, but the look on Mark's face confirmed that. He grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes a bit, fighting a smirk.

She looked at me again. "But seriously, though. If you need anything, please feel free to ask, and for Pete's sake, if there's one specific food you absolutely refuse to eat.. Let me know."

"I'm not picky." I assured her.

"Oh thank god." She sighed, relieved. "Zack is the worst."

"Josh has his moments." Mark pointed out. "But thank goodness we finally have one good child." He patted my head gently, and I laughed again. They were good at distracting each other.

"We just want you to feel at home while you're here." Heather ignored him with a small smile. I nodded, understanding.

"Thanks." I replied, sighing.

"You're welcome, sweetie. I know this can't be very easy on you. I want to make it easier, any way we can."

I appreciated the fact that she understood that. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

She had to go back to work, and Mark did too, so I was on my own. It was a really good thing I had a lot of practice being on my own now, because it would have really driven me crazy.

I was quite curious to know what kind of work Mark did, but I didn't want to bug him by asking.

So I amused myself with picking up the boys room a little bit. I put the dirty clothes in an empty box because I didn't see the hamper anywhere, and placed the questionable articles of clothing on a chair in the corner. The boys could sort those, because I didn't know if they were dirty or not. I took downstairs three cups, a plate, and two spoons. A couple of candy wrappers went into the small trash can next to the other dresser, and I took the bag out.

It honestly wasn't _that_ bad or even that hard to sort. I just wanted something to do. It was nice to be productive for once, and it passed enough time. Somehow they both got home about the same time, just before 3:30.

Heather must have told them that I'd probably be coming, because they were only mildly surprised to see me sitting on the couch.

"Hey." Josh greeted me with a smile, approaching as he pulled his backpack off.

"Hey." I mumbled, forcing a sad smile.

"I guess they dropped you off." He understood, and I shrugged.

"Your mom picked me up." I corrected quietly. "But yeah."

"How long?" Zack asked, sitting next to me. His backpack was still on.

"My dad said two weeks as most." I replied, glancing over. "But it's still two weeks."

"Probably won't be that long." Josh sighed heavily, falling tiredly into the chair. "Don't even worry about it."

"I'm trying." I nodded a little. "I cleaned your room."

"What?" Zack laughed, looking over. "Really?" When I nodded, he laughed again and stood up. He immediately started for the stairs, removing his backpack and dropping it on the floor on his way up.

Josh and I both waited, listening and moments later, it came.

"Holy crap." Zack called from the room, and we both laughed. "Guys, come here."

I frowned a little, confused as I looked over at Josh. He shrugged and stood up. I followed suit, prying myself off the couch and trailing Josh up the stairs. I was curious to find out what he found so amusing.

"Look." Zack grinned, pointing. "It's the air mattress."

"I know." I followed Josh in. "I saw it earlier. Is this the one with the hole in it?"

"Lay on it." Zack suggested. "Just so we know if it's aired up enough."

That seemed reasonable, so I did. It seemed really flat. Like almost-touching-the-floor flat with just enough air in it to puff up the other end. It must have been a pretty big hole.

"Yup, it's got a hole. Seems kinda.." I trailed off, laying down.

The second I let myself relax into it, though, Zack jumped up and dropped full weight onto the other end. I screeched so loud as I was catapulted up, flailing as I fell back down. Hitting the floor nearly completely on my head, but my shoulder hit first.

I was stunned at first, and hearing Zack's laughter only served to piss me off. Josh was biting his lip as he quickly approached to help me unfold, but his eyes gave away the laughter he tried to hide. The fact that he didn't let any of that laughter out saved him.

I sat up with the most heated glare I could manage. I felt the spot my head had hit the floor as it throbbed in pain, but other than that, I was fine.

"You've been initiated." Josh smiled. "That's how you know he likes you."

"Ow." I grumbled, puffing a thick strand of hair out of my face.

"I'm sorry." Zack couldn't breathe. "I _had_ to, but it was fun, wasn't it?"

"I think I know how that hole got there." I fixed my shirt.

Josh smirked as he saw the look on my face right as Mark arrived quickly in the doorway. I accepted Josh's help, standing.

"What is going on in here?" Mark demanded.

I was already trying to think of ways to get him back, but as mad as I was, my brain refused to think straight.

"Zack flung her." Josh answered nonchalantly. Mark took only a second longer to piece it together, sighing in frustration.

"Zack." Mark scolded. "You can't be doing stuff like that. You could have really hurt her. If you want to roughhouse, go outside. You don't _fling_ your friends." He frowned down at the now-deflated air mattress with another heavy sigh.

Inevitably, we wound up over at Andrew's house. I knew he was probably dying for some kind of interaction, so it was my suggestion that we go there to keep him company.

Zack owed me that much.

Andrew greeted us happily, and it was a very nice change from the way I felt before. I was so relieved to know that just being around them could make me feel better again. I liked the normalcy again, and I allowed it to give me a boost.

Andrew led the way up the stairs into his room.

"Has your dad still been working a lot?" Zack asked as I flopped down onto Andrew's bed. It was comforting.

"Yeah." Andrew replied. "But he told me yesterday he's gonna try to be around more."

"Mom says that a lot too." Zack shook his head with a small laugh. "It never really happens."

"I'm sure she wants to." I said, turning my head and looking over at them. "It's not like she's lying on purpose." I felt like I knew Heather well enough to know that.

"I know." Zack nodded. "I'm just saying."

"And at least you guys have your dad." Andrew pointed out. "I only have my dad."

"How come he hasn't gotten married again?" Josh was honestly curious.

"Well.." Andrew mumbled, looking down. "He did say he's got a girlfriend.." The way he trailed off made me think he wasn't as excited about that as I was when I understood.

"What?" I asked, surprised as I pushed myself up. "That's huge. Since when?"

"Few weeks ago." Andrew shrugged. "I mean, it's not a huge thing-"

"Kinda, it is." Zack laughed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to screw it up." Andrew replied with a laugh. "I jinx things a lot."

"Well, I'm happy for him." I said. "He's such a nice guy." That was a lot, coming from me, and Andrew knew that. He smiled at me.

"Have you met her yet?" Josh piped up, and Andrew shook his head. "You probably should. You know your dad better than anyone, and you'd know if he should keep her around or not."

"That's up to him." Andrew shook his head again. "How am I supposed to tell him who he should or shouldn't wanna keep around?"

"Because you're the kid." Josh replied. "It's your life too."

"I second that." I threw in almost apologetically. "At least make sure she's not some psycho. Women can be psychos too."

"They really can." Zack affirmed, nodding. "You just don't hear about it that much."

"I'll ask." Andrew relented. "But I'm not gonna bug him about it. He said before he's not sure I should meet her yet, but maybe it's been long enough now." I nodded.

"Just don't go into it expecting her to be a psycho." I suggested. "Your dad is smart. He wouldn't pick someone bad."

That seemed to help.

"So.." Andrew looked at me. "How come you're staying with them?" It was time for a subject change, obviously. I easily recalled the talk I'd had with Carlisle about this same thing.

"I don't know." I shrugged a little. "Nobody would really tell me anything, except it shouldn't last that long." I was surprised when that worked so well. He nodded.

"What are you gonna do during the day?" Andrew asked me, and I sighed.

"I have no idea." I answered honestly. "Heather says I'm not allowed out on my own."

I stopped myself from going any further, rethinking the direction this conversation was going. I wasn't sure if Josh and Zack even knew about Ken. I didn't want to be the one that let the cat out of the bag.

"So.." I added. "I'll probably read, or stare at the wall, or something."

"Well, if she said that, then there's probably a reason." Andrew laid back. "I wouldn't try it."

"Me either." Zack said, and I looked over at him. "It's not like she's mean, but you should do what she says to do." I laughed a little at the thought of Heather being mean.

Heather was quite annoyed, though, when she got home and found out Zack had popped the air mattress, but I assured her it was fine. Josh offered to share his bed with me again, and I agreed.

My first night there, I couldn't help feeling the familiar burning of homesickness in my stomach, but I fought it. I knew this was how it would have to be. I comforted myself with the thought that by being here and doing what I was told, I was helping my family. I wasn't sure how long that would work for me, but I held onto it as I fell asleep.

The second day started early thanks to school. That didn't really apply to me but I got up too.

By noon, I started to see how hard it would be to do what Heather told me. I was nearly bored to tears, and the silence was driving me crazy. Mark was working, Heather was gone, and the boys were at school, so I was left alone anyway.

Mark descended the stairs near lunch time to find me upside down, laying in the recliner.

"Hanging in there?" He asked, and I only whined in reply. He laughed. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I know this isn't the best." Using the leg of the coffee table as leverage, I rotated the chair to face him. He studied me for a second before laughed again. "Do you want to go for a walk? I could use some fresh air, and I don't think a few laps around the park would hurt."

"Maybe not the park." I muttered. "Doesn't have to be there."

"We'll figure it out." He smiled. "Come on."

I fought my way out of the chair, immediately ready to go despite my spinning head, much to his amusement. He grabbed his shoes, and allowed me to lead the way outside.

It was more than enough just to walk to the main street and back. We didn't talk much, but I appreciated the fact that he was willing to do this for me. Walking helped me get rid of just a little bit of that nervous energy that had been building up all morning.

Last night had been the first 'day' of Bella's transformation. Tonight would be the second, which meant she should be done the following day. From what Carlisle had said, three days was how long it would take.

I wasn't sure why I was nervous. I knew Carlisle had handled it many times, but it wasn't so much that that bothered me. It was more of the fact that someone I'd known as a human wouldn't be human the next time I saw her. Whenever that was. How long would it be?

It was such a huge thing to me, and I felt the questions I had physically weigh on me. Would she remember me, or would she be too different? Were memories kept, or swept away? What about her dad? What would happen to him? How would they hide the fact that she was there?

Would she still be like herself? Or would she have to learn all that again? What exactly was a newborn like? I knew she'd still look like herself, but what would change? I knew there had to be a change.

There was so much I didn't know, I realized, and once again, the curiosity was killing me, but there was also a fear there I couldn't ignore. What would all this change about my daily life? What had all this even taught me? I wanted normal.

We returned to the house to find Heather's car sitting in the driveway. I recalled that she came home for lunch.

"Mark." She called from the kitchen the second he opened the door. "Leandra better be with you." I tensed a little, unsure by her tone. She was a little mad.

"Yeah." He called ahead, ushering me inside and closing the door behind me. "I'm sorry, hon. We just went for a walk."

I stepped a little to the side as she came walking in from the kitchen. I looked up apologetically at her, and she offered a tense smile in return.

"Hang out in here for a second, sweetie." She told me, already pulling Mark outside. I sighed as she shut the door again. I hated that I'd just gotten him in trouble.

I didn't stay there, not wanting to accidentally eavesdrop. Instead, I went upstairs.

Nervousness had settled back in my stomach like a lead ball as I sat on Josh's bed. Even making me a little nauseous.

I looked up a few minutes later when Mark arrived in the doorway.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled first, and he smiled.

"Don't worry about it." He assured me. "It's not a big deal, but it might be a good idea to hang out here from now on." I nodded a little, looking down. I had a feeling that was coming.

"Okay." I sighed, only a little disappointed. The walk hadn't taken enough of the nervousness away for me to miss it that much. I looked back up. "Can we still go to Andrew's?" It was only up the street.

He pursed his lips for a second in thought. "I think that would be okay. Just there, though. No further and not alone."

"Okay." I agreed easily. Andrew's situation was just interesting enough to distract me, and I didn't want to lose out on discovering who that mystery woman was.

"Okay." He repeated with another smile, patting the door frame before continuing on up the hall.

I was upside down in the chair again when the boys returned about the same time they had the afternoon before, but to my surprise, they weren't alone. As it turned out, Andrew followed them in. That was actually just fine with me.

"I thought you'd be lonely." Andrew explained as Zack led him into the living room.

"Today.. Was probably the longest freaking day." I grumbled, spinning the chair a little.

"You're still in one piece, though." Zack offered a brighter side.

"Barely." I said, scooting over as Andrew squished himself into the chair beside me. Right side up, so it was a little awkward, but I didn't care. I was grateful for the contact.

"So fill us in." Josh pressed, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Andrew. "Did you talk to your dad or not?"

Andrew sighed a little, leaning back.

"I talked to him." He replied, but he seemed hesitant.

"And?" I pressed next, and he looked down at me.

"He said he'd talk to her about meeting me." He admitted. "He said I already know her, but he wouldn't say from where."

This just got a whole lot more interesting. He seemed a little uncomfortable being the source of our fascination.

"He was weird about it, though." Andrew went on, frowning. "He wouldn't even tell me her name. Like he was worried about it."

"When?" Zack asked before I could.

"I don't know yet." Andrew answered. "He still has to talk to her."

"It's been like a whole day." I pointed out. "How long until you'll know?"

"I don't know." He repeated with a sigh. "I'll let you guys know when I know." As badly as this mystery was going to grate on me, he needed a subject change, so I quickly thought of one.

"I think I got your dad in trouble." I said, looking toward Josh.

He smirked. "How?"

"I was _so_ bored earlier, so he went for a walk with me." I explained. "Your mom got home before we got back, and found us gone."

"What is the big freaking deal?" Zack sighed, falling onto the couch.

"Did she yell at him?" Josh asked, and I shrugged.

"I didn't listen in." I admitted. "But he told me after she talked to him that we could only go to Andrew's house, and that's it."

"Dang." He sighed, but he shrugged as well. "Well, at least we can go there."

"Oh boy." Andrew didn't seem that thrilled, but when I looked at him, he was laughing a little.

Mark descended the stairs then and took our focus. He handed out chores to Zack and Josh, which surprised me a little because Andrew was here. Andrew didn't seem to find that weird, though.

I was so grateful for them, though. I couldn't even begin to thank them for their distraction. I wasn't sure if it was because I was lonely all day, but I was more happy when they got home than I'd been in a long time.

Andrew and I escaped out into the back yard when Zack had to vacuum the living room. Josh was busy cleaning the bathroom. I felt the back yard was acceptable, even if it had no fence. We walked laps around the yard, using the house itself as a limit.

I studied him, though. Something was still bugging him. Something was weighing on him badly. I assumed it was the fact that his dad was dating again, but I knew I needed to get him to spit it out. Otherwise, it would eat at him.

"I kinda get it, I think." I spoke first, and he looked over. "I remember when my mom brought her boyfriend home."

He looked back down. He paused long enough to pick up an old tennis ball before continuing. Something else to focus on.

"It's okay to be weirded out." I tried again. He shook his head, so I sighed. "You're acting weird. What's wrong? Really."

"I can't tell you." He eventually sighed.

My eyes narrowed. "And why not?" My thoughts immediately moved to hate this woman.

"Because you'll get mad." He answered quietly, and I frowned this time in confusion. What gave him that impression?

"I can talk to you about anything now." I reminded him. "That means you can talk to me about anything. That's the way it goes."

"I wasn't really telling the truth in there." He relented, glancing over at me. "I know who it is, but.. My dad told me not to tell you yet."

"Wait." I stopped walking. "Me? Why?" What did I have to do with the situation?

"Because you'll get mad." He repeated, stopping with me.

"You're freaking me out." I told him, and he sighed, shaking his head. "Please tell me. I won't tell anyone else if that's what you're worried about."

He was quiet for a moment longer before he spoke again.

"I'm still trying to.." He trailed off, sighing. "It's really weird to me too. Can I just.. Can I tell you tomorrow? I really need to think about it first."

He'd never asked for more time to think about something. I remembered doing that to him on many occasions, so I understood perfectly where he was right then. I remembered how kind he'd been in those situations, so I really wanted to return that favor.

"Okay." I mumbled, despite how the mystery was crushing me. "No problem." He sighed, in relief this time, nodding.

"Thanks." He said. "I kinda just want normal right now."

That broke my heart. He was normally the most normal person I knew. If he craved normal, how heavy must this be for him?

"Distract me?" He requested. "How come Heather doesn't want you out on your own?"

"Because I did something stupid." I admitted, and we continued walking.

"Which was?" He prompted. I really hated the idea of secrets between us, but this was probably something I shouldn't tell him. He had his, and I had mine. As badly as I wanted to tell him, I couldn't.

"I can't." I sighed, and he glanced over. "It's not because of yours, but.. It's not really my thing to tell."

"I know that feeling." He replied, and thankfully, he understood. In an attempt to comfort him, I reached down and took hold of his hand. He held mine in return, which told me he was okay. He'd never not been okay, so I was grateful for that little bit of normal.

"Are you gonna stay for dinner?" I asked quietly, looking over at him.

"I can't." He replied apologetically. "I've got homework I should get done. I got a little behind."

Again I was disappointed. It really wasn't like him to fall behind on homework, either. Whatever was going on had been going on for awhile. How long had he known about this woman? How long had he known who she was? What was he hiding?

"I'm really worried." I admitted, and he smiled a little. An attempt to comfort me, but I read him like an open book. It was so weird to have the tables turned this way.

"I'm fine." He shook his head. "Really. Don't worry about me so much. It's just a lot."

"I get it." I mumbled. "But I don't like it."

He squeezed my hand, and I returned that squeeze.

He'd never been so guarded. As long as I'd known him. He was always so open, and I'd always been the guarded one. I didn't like that my best friend was changing so much.

He eventually did leave, about half an hour before Heather got home from work. By the fact that she brought pizza home with her, I knew it'd been a very long day for her. That, and I just sensed it.

While everyone was eating in the kitchen, I chose to sit with her. We didn't really talk, but by the way she placed her arm around me and hugged me into her side, I knew she appreciated the company. I couldn't imagine the boys doing this for her. Not in a bad way, but because they weren't really observant.

Sometimes company was just needed.

She squeezed me a little, kissing the top of my head, and again, I felt bad for worrying her earlier. I wanted to ask her to tell me everything she knew, or everything that was worrying her, but I knew she wouldn't tell me. She'd laugh, and tell me it was nothing I needed to worry about, but that would just make me worry more. I wanted to skip that part.

I had to admit, though. Aside from when everyone else was busy, my first day and a half here was really providing the distraction I needed to make it through. That nervousness was still there, but I had other things to think about.

How would the rest of my time here go?

 **A/N: I don't have an excuse to give you guys for why this chapter took so long. Twice-a-week therapy hasn't been kind to me, but I'm really hoping that there's light on the other side of it.**  
 **I'm so happy to have gotten this out, though. I really hope it was at least a little bit worth the wait. I tried my best every day to get something written down. :}**  
 **THANK YOU to my usual reviewers! I LOVE you guys! Seriously. THANK YOU!**  
 **Chapter fifteen will be along as soon as I can get it out to you. As soon as I get some semblance of normal back into my head. I have a lot planned here, but I don't want to screw it up.**  
 **Until next chapter, guys. (: (: (:**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Waking up the following morning, I felt the difference. I wasn't sure if it was left over from the day before, but that sense of impending _something_ was getting worse. It could have meant anything, though, which made it harder to figure out what it was.

It could have been my own doing, or that stupid gift coming back, trying to torture me. Either option had a ton of options with them, and I just couldn't afford to feel that right then, so I did the stupid thing and ignored it.

"You snore a little." I jumped as Zack suddenly leaned over the edge of the top bunk to look at me.

"No I don't." I grumbled, curling tighter in the blanket. Josh was already up and in the shower.

"Yup." He replied. "But it's okay. It's just a little, and you talked last night too."

"Wait." My stomach dropped. "I did?" That was new.

"Yeah." He confirmed, pausing long enough to drop down and land on Josh's bed to sit with me.

"What did I say?"

"It was really hard to hear you." He replied. "It was more like under your breath, but you sounded _really_ scared."

I hid my face. My first thought went to one of my familiar memory nightmares. That was the last thing I needed.

"Who's Aro?" He asked, and that confused me enough to look up.

"Why?"

"Because you mentioned someone named Aro." He explained.

I'd heard about him a few times, very few details, but I didn't know that much. Definitely not enough to know why I'd dream about him or if he could even be the reason behind that worry.

"My dad's cat." I mumbled that excuse, but I was lost in thought. This was more than enough to mention to my family, though. This was a new thing, and I knew at very least Alice would want to know about it. They would know more about it than I did, considering I only heard about him from them.

"Cats are mean." He shrugged, and he seemed to buy it. I laid there as he sat beside me cross-legged. Oddly, it wasn't often I got to talk to Zack alone. He always seemed like a natural background side-kick. Someone supportive, but just fine with someone else calling all the shots.

"So." He spoke again, and I looked up. "What do you think?"

"About?" I asked, a little cautious.

"Andrew." He clarified, and I understood.

"I dunno what to think." I sighed. "It seems like he's hiding something."

"Right?" Zack asked in agreement. "He was acting weird all day yesterday."

"Maybe he's just not ready to tell anyone yet." I suggested, and he shook his head.

"I've known him awhile." He argued. "That was weird for him. I've seen what he's like when he doesn't wanna talk about something, and that was more."

"I know what you mean." I admitted sadly. "I hate pushing him about it, though."

"Think we should?" He asked, wincing a little.

"Maybe a little." I muttered, and he nodded. We both looked over as Josh returned to the room, effectively ending the conversation. He was already mostly dressed, his hair damp but brushed back.

"Your turn." He gestured to Zack. "And use deodorant today, or sit by yourself on the freaking bus." Zack immediately rolled away off the bed. He grabbed a pile of his clothes and shed his pajama shirt on the way out the door. I stayed.

"What were you two talking about?" Josh asked, only mildly curious as he fished a pair of socks out of the top drawer of the dresser.

"Andrew." I answered. I didn't see a reason he shouldn't know that.

"Ah." He nodded, sitting on the side of his bed. "Yeah." He didn't seem to have a lot to say about it. He was quiet as he pulled his socks on. I let it go.

Instead, I chose to finally sit up and stretch. A huge yawn followed.

"Tired?" Josh laughed a little. "Seemed like a hell of a dream."

"Aw." I slouched. "I woke you up too?"

"You kicked me like three different times." He informed me. "Hard too, like.. How many of your toes are broken?"

What did that tell me?

"I don't remember any of that." I admitted. "I'm sorry."

"I thought people were paralyzed when they slept, to stop them from doing that kind of stuff." He was more confused than upset.

"They are?"

"That's what we were taught in class." He said. "It's part of some big process or whatever. It's pretty cool."

"Maybe I dream from a different part." I shrugged.

"Anyway, it's okay." He laughed again. "I would have woken you up, but I wasn't sure if you'd punch me."

"Probably a good idea." I mumbled, concerned.

The morning went on, and I was stupidly lonely the second they left for school. I found it a little weird that Carlisle or Esme hadn't called me since I left, but then I thought about it. They were probably really busy and dealing with a lot.

It was nice to think rationally once in awhile.

I spent all morning in the boys' room. Seated on the window sill, pretending to read a book.

All the things I'd noticed about home, only a few days ago, were scrolling through my mind. I missed everything about it. I'd fallen in love with the isolation of it. Every little breeze through the miles of trees in every direction, and the birds in those trees. The sound of the river spoke to me far more than the streets and cars of town did.

I missed my tree house too, just as much as I missed the people that built it for me. I stared out the window, spacing out as I thought about how much I wanted to just be there.

I wanted my family back. The ones I had in the beginning.

Lunch was silent between Mark and I. He mentioned that Heather was working through lunch, so she wouldn't be home until later, but that was about it. I knew he could tell I had a lot on my mind, but he never pressed it. Even when I didn't eat much.

I knew it. I hated it, and I fought it, but I sensed it. A bad night was coming. I could tell by the way my heart was a little more broken than usual. The fear was stronger, the sadness more painful. Everything was raw, and that was how I knew I was going to have a bad night.

I wondered, numbly, what I'd dream about that night.

I spent the few hours after lunch beating it back. I had a face to put on. I couldn't not be okay. Not because I didn't trust them, but because I hated myself for it.

I was standing by the door, waiting impatiently for the boys to get home from school. I needed distraction so badly, but I knew waiting outside would just get me in trouble. I briefly noted how clearer boundaries needed to be set.

The second the door opened, and I saw that Andrew wasn't with them, I caught Zack by the wrist and pulled him along with me right back out the front door. He laughed, barely managing to throw his backpack through the front door.

Josh did a little double-take.

"We'll be back, dad." Josh called into the house. "We're taking Leandra for a walk." I knew he meant that as a joke, but it was more than a little true.

We caught up to Andrew right as he was reaching his front door.

"Hey." I called, running ahead. He looked back, smiled a little and shook his head, but he waited.

"I think you should start going to school again." He told me as I reached his side. "You're going nuts by yourself all day."

"You said." I reminded him in a whisper, and his smile faded a little in hesitation. He really wasn't looking forward to this.

He sighed. "I guess I should tell you. You're gonna find out eventually, anyway, because she's coming over tonight." I bounced a little in my impatience. He looked to Josh and Zack lingering on the sidewalk. "Can you guys wait out here for a minute?"

"Sure." Zack agreed easily.

I walked in first, and Andrew followed me.

"I don't mean to be pushy about it." I was so afraid he was going to hate me.

"No, it's okay." He sighed as he closed the door. "I would be too. It's taken me awhile to even be okay with it."

That surprised me.

"Just promise me you won't take it out on me." He started up the stairs. "I did everything I could to reason with him."

I walked into his room first. Crossing the room toward the window before turning and facing him.

"Just tell me who it is." I whined. "I hate this. I hate not knowing."

He closed his bedroom door behind him, turning to face me, hesitation in his every feature. He braced himself for a second before answering.

"Um.." He looked down. "It's.. Your mom."

I lost my breath for a second.

"What?" I asked flatly when I could. "I really hope you didn't just say-"

"It's your mom." He nodded. "She's my dad's new girlfriend. Um.. Yeah, I just-"

"No." I held my hands up. " _Ew_. No."

"I said the same thing at first." He shook his head. "I told him I knew you wouldn't like it, but he says it's not up to me."

"It's up to me, and I say no." I shook my head. "What's he even thinking? I thought he was smart."

"I don't know." He sighed. "He said he just likes her, and since they're both single-"

"Gross!" I snapped, turning away. I had no idea how I felt about that, but strangely, I wanted to pull my hair out. "No. Ew. This is way too weird." I covered my face.

I shuddered. It was bad enough when her new boyfriend was some stranger. Now it was my best friend's dad.

"Ew!" I whined, the disgust renewing. "Ew, ew, ew!"

"Why's she freaking out?" We both looked over at Josh's arrival in the doorway. So much for waiting.

"Should we tell him?" Andrew asked, but I still had my face covered. I doubled over, trying not to imagine stuff.

"Tell me what?"

"My dad and her mom are dating each other." Andrew explained, and I whined through a sob.

"Gross." Josh laughed. "That's funny."

"What's funny?" Zack arrived behind him.

"Her mom and his dad are going out." Josh explained with another laugh. Zack joining in.

"It's not funny." I snapped, standing upright again and looking at them. "It's weird."

"Why?" Josh asked. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Because I don't need a new mom." Andrew replied before I could figure out how to word my complaint.

"Especially not her." I gasped. I hadn't even thought of that yet.

"Maybe he'll be good for her." Zack shrugged, walking in and parking himself in the desk chair. "Weirder things happen all the time."

"Okay, you're fired." I grumbled. He laughed.

"Seriously, though." Josh added. "If they get married, what's that make you guys?" He pointed to me and Andrew.

"Shut up." I snapped at him again. "They won't get married."

"They wouldn't be anything." Zack replied. "She was adopted, remember? That means she doesn't belong to her anymore."

"True." Josh allowed, sitting down on his bed. He shook his head with another laugh. "All that just seems kinda messy." I ignored that.

"I'll talk to her." I vowed.

"No, wait." Andrew's reply surprised me.

"Why?" I asked flatly.

"Zack might be right." He pointed out. "He might be good for her. Think about it. She's had the worst luck with guys." I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. I knew that better than anyone. He went on. "I know my dad's a good guy. Why shouldn't we just let them be happy? It's been a really long time since I've seen my dad happy. It's weird, sure, but.." He trailed off with a shrug.

"I'm still gonna talk to her." I muttered bitterly.

I felt oddly betrayed. He was okay with it? It was too weird.

I took a minute to really think about it, watching out the window. From Zack's point of view. A different angle, just like I always thought I was good at doing.

My mom had definitely had the worst luck. Maybe she just needed someone good. Richard was one of the best human men I'd ever met.

Or so I thought. I'd sorely underestimated Ken. How was I supposed to know who was good anymore? But that was beside the point.

Maybe all my mom needed was some support, but ultimately, I knew why Andrew was telling me this. Day in and day out, he'd been mostly alone. Andrew's mother had passed away a long time ago, and since then, it'd just been him and his dad. He had to have been pretty lonely.

If anyone was going to see a change in that man, it was Andrew. If he thought my mom brought out a better side of his dad, then who was I to stand in the way?

I felt protective of them both.

When she wasn't drinking, she was a pretty normal person. Funny sometimes. Sweet in a way. When she wasn't drinking, the thought of her finding someone better than the pieces of crap she had was entirely possible.

But they needed my permission.

Obviously not literally. They'd do what they would do, but I knew they were only worried about me.

But it was _weird_!

I took a breath and turned back around.

"I _really_ don't know about this."

"I know." Andrew replied. "I was the same way."

"And she'll be coming over tonight?" I asked, but he seemed hesitant to confirm. "So I'll be here too."

"I wasn't supposed to tell you yet, remember?" He asked.

"Just say I heard it somewhere else." I suggested. "Small town. I have to see this for myself."

"You'll be staying here?" Josh asked, and I nodded. He nodded too. "I'll let mom and dad know you're here."

"Thanks." I sighed, and he nodded again with a small smile.

"We have to get back." He said. "Don't set anyone on fire."

"No promises." I replied, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. Zack laughed and stood up. I was silent as they left the room.

"I don't know why it bugs me so bad." I spoke first as soon as we were alone. "I think I'm just scared. I think about what I know about her, and it scares me that she's trying to be in your life."

"You don't need to worry about us, Leandra." He frowned a little. "Like you said. My dad's smart."

That was true. I looked down.

I remembered the visit I had with my mom. What seemed like so long ago. Shouldn't I want what was best for her?

Andrew spoke again. "He said it wasn't just a random thing. I don't know why he thinks that would matter, but.. Yeah. He asked me not to tell you yet because he was worried you'd flip out, but I really had to. Y'Know?"

He was rambling.

"No." I replied, still in thought. "Don't worry. I'm just.." I trailed off briefly before I groaned a whine and stomped my foot a little. "It's _weird_."

This time, he laughed. Inevitably, his laughter made me laugh.

"Just.." He started. "Stick around. See them together. Maybe that'll make it less weird."

That was true. Maybe it was only really weird because I couldn't imagine them in the same place. The only time I'd ever really seen them see each other was the night I was found before Christmas last year. Out on my mom's front lawn in the heavily-falling snow.

Maybe the brief meeting that night was more significant than I thought. Maybe they ran into each other somewhere.

"Okay." I finally sighed. "I'll look, but I won't like it."

He laughed again, but I could only hope his dad knew what he was getting himself into.

Richard got home at about 4, and I wondered whether we should let him know I was here or not. We decided to be straight forward about it. The last thing the poor guy needed was me surprising him.

"Hey dad." Andrew greeted him in the kitchen, and Richard turned to look. Spotting me instantly. He was stunned at first, but before he could try to play it off, Andrew spoke again. "Um.. She knows."

Richard sighed. "Andrew-"

"I made him tell me." I added quietly. "He didn't want to at first, but I wouldn't quit bugging him."

"I'm sorry, sweetie." Richard told me. "We wanted you to find out in a better way."

"You know she drinks, right?" I had to ask. He nodded.

"I'm aware." He answered, slowly sitting at the kitchen table. "I'm quite familiar with her past." I slowly sat down too, across the table from him. "I also understand that even though she's not your legal guardian anymore, it would still bother you."

"It doesn't bother me." I shook my head. "It's weird, but I'm not really _bothered_. I just don't want you guys to have to deal with her like I've had to deal with her. I don't think it's a good idea."

"Leandra, Gina is a person." He pointed out gently. "I've done a lot of listening, and I really think she deserves one more shot. With the right people around her, I really think she can do it."

I looked down. I hated this situation.

"Okay." I finally relented. "It's up to you. I really hope you know what you're doing, but if I have to say 'I told you so', I'm punching you both in the face."

He held his hand out. "Deal."

I laughed, reaching out and shaking his hand.

"Now." He continued. "Are you willing to stay for dinner?"

I smiled again, and nodded.

"Good. You can help." He chuckled, standing up.

Of course, I didn't have to. I mostly stayed in the kitchen with him and Andrew to keep him company. Laughing was an okay way to spend the afternoon.

Only briefly did my thoughts stray, and that was to keep tabs on that feeling I had. I still felt worried about the looming bad night, but for right then, I'd put it off as long as I could.

My mom arrived about an hour later, and the look on her face when she walked into the kitchen and saw me told me she hadn't been updated. I couldn't even pretend to be mad at her.

"We had a talk." Richard assured her as he came to stand behind her. I knew that wouldn't mean much until I said something, but what could I even say? Instead of saying something, I just shrugged and smirked.

"Cheering you on, right?" I asked, and she smiled. There were worse things she could do. I still hated how weird it was, but I had a strong feeling that this was a good move for her.

I looked over at Andrew, and even he was surprised. I gave him a look that clearly stated, 'I know, right?'

He smiled, and his expression clearly thanked me. It was hard, but I knew they needed the kind of person I knew she could be. I just really hoped I wasn't wrong.

Ultimately, it was a good idea to stick around. Andrew had been right. It was significantly less weird now that I'd seen them together. I recognized my mom's behavior, so I knew she was only being herself. She wasn't pretending to be someone she wasn't.

I could tell Andrew felt a lot better about it too. He walked me back up the street that night, and though not much was said, I sensed his lighter mood. I was glad he felt better, and that made me feel better.

He hugged me tightly when we reached the porch, and of course I returned it.

"Thank you." He said, confirming my thoughts.

"For what?" I asked, laughing a little.

"Not talking her out of it." He replied, and I shook my head.

"Last time I talked to her, we made an agreement." I explained. "She would always be there to cheer me on when I'm doing good, and she asked me to do the same for her. I like your dad, so I think she's doing something good. I'm actually kind of glad she found someone that won't beat her up."

He smiled, and we said goodnight.

I walked into the house, right into the middle of a loud discussion between Heather and Zack. It wasn't an argument, but more long distance talking. Zack was upstairs, and Heather was in the living room.

"Fifty bucks." She called.

"Not a chance, mom." Zack called back.

"For what?" I asked, curious as I walked into the living room.

"Hey, honey." She laughed, setting the newspaper she'd been looking at down. "I heard. How'd it go?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay." I sat down next to her. "What's the fifty bucks for?"

"She's trying to get me to cut my hair." Zack grumbled from halfway down the stairs.

"Just a little bit." Heather defended herself. "You're getting shaggy, and I just want to clean it up."

"No." Zack argued, running back up the stairs.

Heather sighed, laughing. "It's so hard to get him a haircut."

I looked down at my own dark auburn hair draped over my shoulders, resting on my chest. Maybe I could help with that, I decided, so when it was time to get ready for bed, I approached Zack standing in his room.

"I'll cut my hair right now if you do it too." I challenged, and Josh started laughing. Zack started to shake his head again, laughing, so I pressed. "Come on. Don't be a baby."

"That's tempting, but what if I screw it up?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"I'll fix it for you if it's messed up." I offered. "I'm probably gonna screw mine up too, but I don't care. I can just put it up."

He was a little more tempted now. Probably just to see me do it.

"You go first." He smirked, and I laughed.

"No, 'cause then you won't do it." I said. "We'll do it at the same time."

And that was how we found ourselves. Both of us kneeled up on the hall bathroom counter in front of the double mirrors. I wasn't willing to go too short, just to the tops of my shoulders, but I'd be losing a significant amount of hair. I was losing way more than he was, and I knew he knew it.

Josh stood behind Zack, watching with an amused smirk.

I had taken my hair and put it in loose pigtails, while Zack had gathered his up into a ponytail under his chin. I was afraid to chop first, and he was stalling.

"Just do it." I told him with another laugh. He laughed as well.

"Someone do it." Josh was getting impatient.

"Okay, on three." I was firm this time. "We'll both do it."

"One." Josh counted for us. I could see Zack brace himself as he brought his pair of scissors up as I did, so I knew he was going for it. "Two. _Three_."

We both seemed to take a deep breath at the same time, and the sound of two different snips followed.

Mine was only halfway through, but Zack had gotten his. I wasn't usually like this, but I'd just cut my hair. For some reason, that felt like a big deal. Zack looked over at my mirror, laughing at how half-done I was.

"Can't go back now." Josh pointed out. "You're committed." I laughed, and snipped the rest off. I hurried and snipped the other side with a nervous, whining laugh.

I looked over at Zack's mirror, and laughed, because he'd looked over at mine again at the same time. I read the instant regret in his eyes, but he was laughing about it.

"Why is no one in bed?"

I jumped with a yelp at Heather's arrival in the doorway. I met her eyes in the mirror. She took one look at us and started to laugh.

"Oh no!" She gasped when she could. "No, honey!" I'd probably just chopped off close to six inches of hair. There was no way nobody would notice. She seemed sad, but very amused as she smoothed my hair back over my shoulders.

"I would have done it anyway." Zack finally admitted with a laugh, and I looked over at him. "I just wanted to see you do it."

I gave him a look which was all the more amusing.

"Sorry." Josh laughed. "I should have told you that it's an argument they have every time. He knows he doesn't really have a choice."

"Oh well." I said after a moment. "I like it better this way anyway."

Heather was actually the one to fix any uneven spots. All she was doing was making the length match all the way around, which I didn't know she could do. I was quite fine with that, but she got what she wanted. Zack had agreed to trim his hair. He stood in the bathroom with us, waiting his turn when Josh came back in.

"Leandra?" He tried to take my attention, but I couldn't exactly turn around and look.

"Yeah?" I asked, laughing a little through the section of hair in my face.

"Here." He said, stepping around Zack. I reached my hand out, and he placed something in my hand. I looked down, spotting Heather's phone. It was open, so I assumed it meant there was a call.

I brought it up, staying as still as I could.

"Hello?" I greeted, keeping my head down.

"Leandra." Carlisle sounded relieved. "I tried calling your phone."

"Oh." I laughed again. "Sorry. It's in Josh's room. I've been kinda busy all afternoon."

"Doing what, may I ask?" I heard the frown there.

"I went over to Andrew's." I answered easily. "Had dinner there, and as soon as I came back here.." I trailed off, laughing as Zack laughed.

"She cut her hair." Heather told on me, grasping the gist of the conversation. "Just chopped all of her beautiful hair off."

"Not all of it." I argued, amused. "Heather's fixing it for me." I admitted. It was nice to hear Carlisle chuckle for once. He wasn't upset with me. I was sure he was happy to hear I was doing okay. "How's.. Everyone?"

"I only wanted to check in." He explained.

"I'm really glad you did." I admitted, trying to keep the sudden homesickness out of my voice. "I have so much stuff I have to talk to you about."

"It should be any time now." He replied, and I knew what he meant. "I'll call again tomorrow, and we can discuss it then if you want."

"Okay, but I think I should tell you in person." I replied. "I don't know what it means." I moved my head up as Heather directed me.

"Are you okay?" He asked, now concerned.

"I'm fine. Right now, anyway." I threw that afterthought in there because he and I both knew that could change at any time. "I just miss everyone."

"You'll be home soon." He assured me, and I took a breath.

"I hope so." I mumbled.

"All done." Heather informed me, and I stood up as she brushed my shoulders and back off. I stood up so Zack could take my spot.

I was the one that had to end the conversation. Surprisingly. I felt the homesickness getting worse the longer I talked to him, and I needed to keep my nerve if I was going to have to stay here for another week and a half.

I crawled over Josh to get into bed as soon as I'd placed Heather's phone in a spot she could find it, laughing a little at the amused look on Josh's face as I plopped down. The bedroom light was still on as we waited for Zack to finish getting his hair fixed.

"Sit up." Josh requested. "Lemmie see."

I did, turning in my spot to face him. My head felt lighter, because my hair only brushed the tops of my shoulders now. It'd been a little more than mid-back length before.

I laughed a little, trying to gather it up like I could before, but it was more difficult.

"It's weird."

"It's not weird." He said. "I think it looks nice."

"Thanks." I laughed again.

"It was nice of you to do that, you know." He went on, laying back down. I did too. Our arms touched when we were both laying on our back.

"I guess I'm just in a helping mood today." I replied, sighing a little. "But I kinda really miss home."

"I can tell." He nodded a little. "But I think you're getting better." That meant a lot.

"It's not easy for me to be without them." I admitted, looking over at him. "For any reason."

"Well, no matter what, we've got you." He assured me, and I smiled a little.

"Doesn't it bug you to share your bed with me?" I asked, and he immediately shook his head.

"No." He replied. "I dunno. I just like knowing you're not over there across the room all alone."

That was probably the nicest thing he'd ever said. He'd said a lot of nice things to me, but that was one of the nicest things.

"Guess it's a good thing Zack popped the bed, huh?" I muttered, laughing a little. He laughed as well, nodding.

We were quiet for probably a solid minute, and I yawned before he spoke again.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, and I looked over at him.

"Sure." I whispered. I was hesitant, and a little too nervous to make a joke.

"Have you thought about it?" He asked, and I had to take a second to think. "That kiss?"

That, I remembered clearly. In his defense, it'd been quite awhile since my birthday. I didn't think he was trying to pressure me with that question. He was only curious.

"I haven't really gotten a chance to think about it." I admitted. "But.. I don't _think_ it was bad. Just new."

He laughed quietly.

"Are you okay with it?" He asked next, and I thought about it for only a second or two before I nodded.

"I mean, I don't hate you for it or anything."

"Can.. I try it again?" He asked next, and my stomach tumbled a little and I bit my lip in nervousness.

It was a weird feeling, but I could identify more about it. I wasn't scared by that question. It wasn't fear I felt, but my heart reacted like it was.

Would I be okay with that? He did ask first, but would it be a good idea with the bad night I was undoubtedly about to have?

"Sure." I replied softly, trying to hide the fact that I was nervous.

He waited a second before he pushed himself up on his elbow. He sort of leaned over, and though I had given permission, the most I did was look over.

I held my breath as he pressed a kiss to my lips. It wasn't rushed this time, because he wasn't scared either. It lasted maybe a second or two longer than the first kiss he'd given me, but it was entirely different this time.

The butterflies were still there along with the breathlessness, but I wasn't freaked out by them like I had been before. I could definitely see now how this would be an okay feeling, and I could get used to it.

"Better?" He asked after a few silent seconds. I wasn't sure, but my head nodded anyway.

"Better." I finally remembered to breathe, and he laughed again as my voice reflected that.

When my next thought was wishing he would do it again, I rolled over onto my side. _That_ part was a little scary. I hadn't expected that part.

"Are you okay?" He asked, probably reading that action as something else. "If it bugs you, I won't do it anymore."

As badly as I wanted to just tell him I was fine and leave it at that, I thought first. I at least owed it to him to be honest, and I didn't want him to think I wasn't okay. I slowly rolled back over onto my back.

"It's not that."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Um.." I mumbled. "I need to see something. Can you do that again? Just one more time." His worry faded and he smiled.

"Yeah." He agreed, and he did. When he leaned over again, I lifted my head and kissed him this time instead of waiting for him to get to me, but because of that, more of our lips touched than before. It didn't feel like just a peck this time. That must have surprised him because the arm he was supporting himself with jumped slightly, but he didn't back away.

I laid my head back down when I was sure. He was surprised, but smiling when I remembered to open my eyes.

"Better." He finally admitted, and he sounded like I must have sounded. It was my turn to laugh. I wasn't sure why I felt like laughing, but this was brand new territory for me. I just went with it. It wasn't a bad feeling, so I accepted it easily. It was way better than the way I normally felt.

I was relieved when he laughed too, but I was also a little embarrassed, as Zack chose that moment to walk in. Heather not far behind him. I felt the blush stinging my face, and I really didn't want him to see it. I turned my face, hiding it in my pillow.

The whole bunk bed shook a little as Zack hauled himself up onto the top bunk.

Josh continued to laugh, halfway hugging me in an awkward way. I felt lighter, and incredibly eased by the fact that he did too.

"What's so funny?" Heather inquired, amused. I didn't know how to answer her.

"Nothing." Josh replied, scooting and rolling over to lay on his stomach and look over at her. I looked up, and I knew my stupid blush was still there. She raised an eyebrow.

"I was telling him about something funny that Andrew said earlier." I lied, and she immediately believed me. I felt a little bad for lying to her, but I honestly didn't want to tell her the truth. It felt weird.

"Okay." She said. "Well, get some sleep, guys. It's late." I nodded along with Josh, and I pulled the blanket up higher.

She turned off the light for us when she left, and we were quiet for a minute or two. I noticed Josh never rolled over to get comfortable, staying on his stomach.

He eventually pushed himself up and climbed out of bed.

"I'll be right back." He assured me. I assumed he was just going to the bathroom, so I just nodded and rolled over onto my side, facing the wall again.

My mind was busy, though. No part of that had been bad. I had no possible way of knowing exactly what, but that had just changed so many things. My eyes were closed, but I'd never felt more awake than I was right then.

It took him several minutes before he returned, but I just pretended to be asleep. It wasn't exactly an awkward feeling, but I did have a lot on my mind.

Was that something that was going to happen a lot? I wasn't sure. I was pretty sure I liked him. If I didn't, why would I let him kiss me? He was nice to me, he watched out for me. I was glad, though, that I asked for that second kiss. It helped.

I decided, smiling as I was falling asleep, that this would be something I wouldn't want to rush into understanding. Weirdly, not knowing was the best part.

I slept deeply, and though I remembered dreaming, I couldn't remember what it was about. I didn't feel like I'd been crying when I opened my eyes the following morning, which was a very surprising thing. Especially after anticipating the bad night all day the day before.

It was very early, just barely enough daylight making it in through the window.

I knew by his breathing that Josh was still asleep, but I really needed the bathroom, so I did what I could to make it off the bed without waking him up. I did a pretty good job.

I still felt tired, though, which told me I slept deeper than I though. I always felt this way when I did that, but my mind was busy. Part of it was was stuck at home.

I hoped everything was fine at home, and I anticipated Carlisle's call later.

I was surprised to find Heather was already awake when I descended the stairs for some water. Finding her just starting to make breakfast gave me an excuse to stay up.

"Good morning, honey." She greeted me with a smile as I walked in. I returned it. "You're up early."

"Morning." I mumbled, half tiredly. "You're up early, too."

"I always am." She replied, reaching into the fridge.

I chose a seat at the kitchen table, yawning again. I'd forgotten for a second that my hair was now half the length it used to be, and I smiled at remembering the night before. Especially the kiss.

"You're in a good mood." Heather commented happily.

"I am." I agreed, looking down.

She studied me for a moment, and I looked over right as she smiled. Mostly to herself, and it was knowing.

"Oh, dear." She sighed, and I laughed a little too. "I'd be lying though if I didn't expect something like this."

"What?" I had to ask.

"Honey, I'm not blind." She laughed. "I know you've taken a particular liking to Josh."

I blinked in surprise.

"How?"

"Baby, I know that look." She explained. "I was seventeen when I had him. I've known him a very long time, better than anyone on the planet. I know he likes you too. I'm not trying to embarrass you, but as a mom, it's my job to let you know I know."

"I'm not embarrassed."

Maybe a little.

"Crushes are perfectly fine." She went on, opening the carton of eggs in front of her. "And I won't lie. I think it's so exciting that you're growing into your own like that. I just want you to be careful." I looked over, waiting for her to elaborate. "Josh is my son, but he's also thirteen and quite the flirt just like his father. You're so sweet. I'm not that worried, because I'm confident we've raised him right so far, but I just want to be sure you know that you're worth so much."

I wasn't quite getting it, but I nodded anyway. She smiled.

"Okay, enough of that." She laughed, reaching for a bowl. "You'll understand what I mean in time. For now, don't let it become something bad."

I did know what she meant by that. My mind had a bad habit of turning good things against me. The fact that she knew that told me she had the same bad habit.

Nothing was different all through breakfast, aside from a few knowing glances and smiles between Josh and I. That certainly didn't go unnoticed by Heather, but Mark and Zack were both oblivious.

I didn't want anything to change, but if it had to change, this wasn't a bad way to do it.

Heather and the boys all left at around the same time, and Mark disappeared upstairs with an apology after I helped him clean up the kitchen. I wished he'd stop apologizing. I understood he needed to work.

The loneliness was stronger today, and I wondered if that had anything to do with the fact that I knew that Bella was probably finished being turned by then. I wondered what was happening. How that whole thing worked. Did she just wake up? More importantly, was she a threat?

Making sure I had my phone with me, I sat slouched in the recliner for most of the morning. The TV was off, but I didn't need it. My mind was busy enough.

Something about yesterday had obviously stopped that bad night in its tracks. There was something to it that I needed to figure out because that was such a relief. I had a feeling it was the feeling I felt before falling asleep. It was a warm feeling, like it thawed me out a little, and I liked it.

I wondered if I'd chase after Andrew today like I did yesterday, or if I'd choose to stay here this time. If I could get a little bit more of that feeling just by staying around Josh, I really wasn't sure. As much as I really liked Andrew, he sure never gave me that feeling. Warm. What _was_ that?

Mark came downstairs for lunch just after noon, and I still hadn't figured out a damn thing, but I was okay with that this time. I knew I had to get moving doing _some_ thing after lunch because I was starting to get edgy.

Mark disappeared back upstairs almost immediately after we ate, so I took it upon myself to clean up the whole two new dishes.

I relocated to the boys room, gathering up my clothes I'd worn so far to wash. Once that was going, I wandered around looking for trash to take out. I hadn't really anticipated doing all that, but it was better than sitting around doing nothing all day.

Why was I so edgy? I really hoped everything was okay at home. I checked my phone in my pocket for the thousandth time that day, and nothing had come up yet.

I wondered if I should just call myself, just to end the waiting game. Maybe no call was a good thing? I doubted that.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself once my clothes were in the dryer, I chose that time to take the trash out. The half-full bag from the boys room and the bathroom was just enough to fill the bag in the kitchen, so I put them together and wandered out the front door.

It was a little colder out today, especially on my bare feet, but it felt nice to just _really_ breathe in outside air for the first time in days.

I found a seat on the front porch swing situated at the other end of the porch, bracing my arms on either side of me as I perched on the edge. I was ready to jump up if Mark decided to come check on me, but I wasn't sure he would. He seemed really distracted today.

I'd been lost in thought for quite awhile out here, but I looked up just in time to see that a car had pulled up to the curb by the mailbox, and the door was opening. I recognized that car instantly, and through the initial surprise, I remembered that I should probably just get inside. I stood up quick enough to sway the swing a little.

"Wait." Ken's voice made me pause, half a step back toward the front door. I stupidly did wait, watching as he got out. I was just about to get moving again when he spoke up. "Take a walk with me."

I couldn't believe how confident he was. His bravery was a little shocking.

"Yeah right." I scoffed. "I don't think so."

"You have questions." He pointed out firmly. "I know you do. There are a lot of answers you're looking for. More specifically, why you. Right?"

Even more stupidly, I continued to hesitate.

"Come on, then." He insisted. "Let's talk." He started off up the street on foot, and I quickly thought about it. I knew I could outrun him. I might not have been much, but I was fast.

Although, I thought that last time, too. This time, though, I wouldn't let him get a hold of me like that again. He was walking slowly, giving me enough time to make up my mind.

I groaned to myself before giving in and running down the driveway. I recalled my bare feet right then, but he wasn't waiting.

I caught up, coming to his side and walking along with him up the sidewalk.

"I'll tell you everything I know." He didn't even look at me. "If you do the same. I've come a long way to leave here without what I came here for. You give me what I came here to find, you'll never have to see me again."

I really wasn't sure if I even wanted to hear what he had to say, but at the same time, part of me needed to know more than I'd been told, and that deal was one I couldn't pass up.

"I'll try." I agreed quietly. He accepted that, nodding a little. He kept his hands in his jacket pockets, where they weren't a threat to me. Until he pulled one hand out. I jumped a little, but he had only pulled out his wallet.

"This might answer you." He murmured, opening the wallet. He pulled a few things out, and held one out to me. I hesitantly took it, looking down at it. I came to a stop on the sidewalk, just around the corner of the next block, and he did as well.

It was a photo. It was an old photo. I started at it, studying it in surprise. In the center of the picture was a girl. Her eyes were squinted a little in the bright sunlight that reflected off of her long brown hair and the bright white shirt she wore.

In the background, a boy was crouched as if he'd been looking at something on the ground, but looking up as well. Both kids were young. The girl couldn't have been more than five. It took me a minute before I understood. I knew who those kids were, and it made me rather uncomfortable.

I looked up at him, tearing my eyes away from the picture.

"What does this answer?" I had to ask. Without a word, he handed me the second thing. Another picture. I recognized this one a lot easier.

This picture also featured a girl. Roughly five years old, and her long brown hair fell into her eyes. Indoors, the reddish hue to her hair didn't show up that much.

It was me.

I took the hint and brought the first picture up as well. Comparing. Focusing more on the faces. Aside from the obvious differences, a lot of the details were the same. Long brownish hair, light colored eyes, small noses. I hadn't even noticed the similarities between me and Heather before.

I couldn't help it, though. I looked at the boy just as much. Jack looked so normal in this picture. Scrawny, almost. If Heather was about five, that would have made Jack about seven in this picture. Even with the grainy quality of the photo itself, I couldn't help noticing how similar the boys looked to Jack in this picture. I knew it was because Heather had the same genes as Jack, but it was still a little unnerving.

"My son was sick." Ken spoke quietly now. "I know full well I made him that way, but he hated you for more than no reason."

I couldn't look up yet. I was stuck. Piecing it together, but he went on anyway.

"He took out his hatred on you." He started walking again, and I followed carefully. "Because you reminded him of his past. There's nothing you could have done or said to change that, because it was in your face. He wanted you because to him, you were rightfully his."

I couldn't reply, far too confused. I had no clue which emotion I needed to feel first. It was a tie between disbelief and disgust. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't find the room.

Shaking slightly, I attempted to hand him the pictures back. He refused them both.

"Keep those." He said. "I don't need them. Those were with his things."

I didn't know what to say.

"Does that answer some questions?" He asked, and I swallowed hard around these emotions and nodded. He took a breath and sighed. "I never wanted kids. I hate them, but if I didn't marry the bitch that I knocked up, I'd be the bad guy. Can't have that, can we?" He chuckled.

"From the start, Jack was an asshole." He went on. "But I raised that little fucker the only way I knew how. When that bitch told me she was pregnant again, I was furious enough, but then she had to have a _girl_."

I was quiet as we started up the next street.

"I raised them both." He sighed. "At least one of them made something of themselves." I didn't know what to say this time, so I just looked back up at him.

"You reminded Jack of Heather when she was young." He repeated. "It was nothing you did, but your face that kept him at it. He made it his mission to tear you down and destroy you. Heather moved out when she was sixteen, and he saw that as her leaving him. He wanted you as a second chance. He was righting a wrong."

How damaged, how broken would a person have to be to even think that way? I'd known for awhile that Jack was extremely dangerous, and very unpredictable, but this was beyond my comprehension. I couldn't even begin to imagine it, which brought me to my next question.

"What did you _do_?" I asked breathlessly, looking over at him. "Heather said that Jack learned everything he did to me from you."

He didn't reply, looking down at me. His stormy, icy blue eyes were unblinking as he smiled slowly. Not a lot, not a huge smile, but enough to tell me he was amused by my question.

Yet again, I was shown just a glimpse of the mind behind his eyes, and it made my blood run cold.

"Does that scare you?" He asked. Truthfully, I was terrified by that response, and by the way he held my gaze, there was no way he couldn't see that. "I could tell you all about how I ruined them both. I could tell you things that would scar you for life."

"I already am, I think." I mumbled nervously.

"No doubt." He replied. "But let's continue. I don't have all day." I knew what he meant. I took a breath.

"I told you the truth before." I answered. "The last time I saw Jack, he had come over to.. I don't even know. To get back at me for something-"

"For running your mouth." He cut me off.

"Okay." I sighed. "For.. Running my mouth. He made sure I was home alone before he tried to beat me up."

"How?" He asked. "In what way?" I wasn't sure how to answer that, so he clarified. "Was it just a smack around?"

"No." I replied. "I'm pretty sure he was trying to kill me."

"Pretty sure isn't sure enough for a man to lose his life."

"I didn't-"

"I'm not stupid." He cut me off quietly. "Am I really supposed to believe that family of yours found him roughing you up, and they didn't do something to him?" I was quiet.

"Just the truth." He grumbled. "I just need to know."

"All I remember.." I hesitated. "The last time I saw Jack, he was leaving, and my brother was going with him. I don't know anything about what happened after that, because I passed out, but I know he wouldn't have hurt him that bad." Lie. "And how would he even get away with something like that?"

He was quiet this time, so I went on.

"The next day, Jack was dead, but I didn't know how until you showed me. All I was told was that he'd been in an accident." I sighed. "Maybe he was drinking. I know he was so mad. Mad enough to try to kill me, so who even knows how bad he let it get to him. It was an accident."

I heard the difference. I was far more convincing this time.

"If you hated him so much.." I added. "Why does it matter to you?"

"You know, I've asked myself that same question." He replied. "I put a lot of effort into him. I made Jack into what he was, and aside from a few.. Flaws.." He paused, looking right at me. "I'm not letting it go that easily."

"He used to say the same thing about me." I muttered, looking down.

"I can definitely see the draw." He nodded, and I glanced over at him. "It's in those eyes of yours. You're gonna be quite the looker when you grow up. Forgive me.."

I bit my lip, blushing a little as he reached over and gently smoothed my hair. Tugging lightly on a few thick strands in the back. Twirling them in his fingers before he let his hand fall. It took all I had not to cringe away, but not doing so seemed to be the right move.

We continued walking slowly, falling quiet. It was so weird to be as okay with walking next to him as I was. Knowing everything I knew about him, I should have been running in the other direction, but I felt confident that he wasn't going to pull anything. He was relaxed.

"Excuse me." I jumped roughly, a startled yelp escaping me at Alice's loud demand behind us. Ken spun just as quickly as I did. Creating a space between us large enough for Alice to glide into. I actually wasn't that surprised to see Jasper standing directly beside her. I took a step to the side, just to see her face.

"Where the hell did you two come from?" Ken chuckled, amused.

"I don't think that matters." Alice snapped back. "Let's get one thing straight right now. If you _ever_ even so much as _look_ at my little sister again, we're going to have some problems. I very highly suggest you get back into your car, and leave while you're still breathing without medical intervention."

I didn't know what to say to that. Biting my lip when the look on Ken's face made me a little nervous. She had just killed that relaxed mood.

"Now listen here-"

"No." She shut him up. "You listen. You heard me, asshole. I've _had_ it with people like you."

"I would listen to her." Jasper growled, giving him a firm nod.

Ken gave her a look that withered me, but she stood firm, daring him with her eyes. He looked down at me, and I stepped back. He was about to speak, but Alice stopped that in its tracks as well.

"Uh." She barked. "No. Walk away. Last chance."

I was stunned when he actually did. Shaking his head and continuing on. He glanced back at me once and smiled before he rounded the corner up ahead.

"And _you_." She turned on me. "I've _never_ been so disappointed in you, Leandra. You just broke every. Single. Promise you made before you left home. Without a care in the world. You are _so_ lucky we're in public, because I have a lot more to say about this."

As she scolded, she had taken my hand and started back in the direction I'd just come with Ken. I knew they had to have heard some things, but how much?

"Did you know?" I asked quietly, and she stopped.

"Know what?" She sighed, frustrated. I reached up and handed her the photos. I watched the frustration fade from her eyes as she inspected each one. I was quiet for a second as Jasper leaned over to get a look as well. "Jack picked me because I reminded him of Heather when she was young."

"Leandra, this doesn't change anything." She said. "His reasons hardly matter."

"But they do matter." I replied. "To me, it matters, because I never knew why. No matter how hard I tried, I could never figure out why he hated me so much. I couldn't think of anything I did or said to him, but now I know. Ken _helped_ me just now by giving me the answer I've been looking for pretty much my whole life."

When I put it like that, she didn't have much to say at first.

"How does knowing this help you?" Jasper asked, and I looked down briefly.

"Because now I don't have to feel so guilty." I explained. "Now I know that there's nothing I ever could have done to fix the way Jack felt. I grew up wishing _so_ much that I could just.." I trailed off with a sigh. "I dunno. It's stupid." Shaking my head, I looked down again.

"It's not stupid." Jasper replied. "Don't say that."

"Just because we don't quite understand it doesn't mean it's stupid, Leandra." Alice added with a calming sigh. "I'm sorry I was short with you."

"I get that too." I replied. "I was going to go inside, but he said he could help me. He said he could give me some answers if I could give him some answers. He said if I just gave him what he came here to find, I'd never have to see him again. I took the chance."

She sighed again and pulled me into a hug. I returned it tightly.

"I'm sorry." She said again. "I saw him with you, and I lost it for a second."

"It's okay." I mumbled. "I would have too, probably." I'd missed hugs like these. It lasted for several more seconds before she pulled back.

"Just promise me no more life-threatening field trips, okay?" She asked, and I sighed as she reached up, gently inspecting my now-much-shorter hair with her fingers. I knew she'd noticed, but she didn't seem like she was going to say anything.

"I'll try." I offered instead and she laughed. I took a breath, looking around us on the street. "So.. Not that I'm not really happy to see you guys, but.."

"We just wanted to come check on you." She explained, and I smiled a little. It surprised me that I was surprised by that. "Bella is doing great. It's only a matter of time now before you get to come home."

I nodded, easily understanding that.

But I suddenly remembered.

"I should probably get back before Mark finds out I'm not there." I sighed. "If he calls Heather, she'll be pissed."

With a laugh, she nodded, and we started walking back. By the time we got there, Ken and his car were gone, which was a huge relief.

"There you are." Sure enough, Mark had already noticed. He sighed heavily as he descended the porch steps. "You scared the hell out of me."

"I poof." I shrugged. "That's kinda what I do, but I was fine. They came to see me." I smiled over at Jasper, and he chuckled in response. Mark waved a little to them in greeting.

"I was this close to calling the cavalry." Mark added, coming to stand beside me. "I got to the door right as Ken was driving away, so I thought-"

I shook my head. "I'm not that dumb, but you probably shouldn't tell Heather about it."

"I don't see a reason to bother her with it either." He winced, and I laughed. Mark looked down, briefly checking the watch on his wrist. "The boys should be home from school any minute." He looked to Alice. "You two are welcome to stay for dinner."

"Oh, thank you." Alice smiled. "But we should get back. We just had to check on her." She hugged me into her side, and I smiled again.

"Feel free to come by anytime you get the chance." Mark replied. "I know it'll make her feel better." I had to nod. It was true.

"Thank you." Jasper replied this time, and Mark nodded.

"Well, I'll be inside." Mark sighed. "I'm a little behind. It was nice to see you two."

"Same." Alice replied. "Thanks again."

I looked up at them as Mark turned and walked away. My attention was briefly taken up the street as the school bus pulled to a stop just in front of the big tree. I smiled in that direction, before looking at Alice again.

"Give everyone a huge hug for me?" I requested sadly. "Even Rosalie." It was a little funny that I threw that in there. As if she didn't already apply to 'everyone'.

"We will." Alice assured me, hugging me again. I was pretty sure they were just relieved I wasn't begging them to take me with them. Truthfully, I was doing okay here. I was quickly getting used to it.

As if reminded, Alice attempted to hand me the two small photos.

"Keep those." I mumbled. "I don't need them." I'd gotten all I needed from them.

As they walked away, I ran to meet the boys as they crossed the street, heading in this direction. Still barefoot. I paused mid-step, though, looking back as I suddenly remembered about the dream I probably should have talked to them about. They were already too far away to make it a comfortable conversation, so I waved it off and started running again.

I'd talk to them next time I could.

Zack smiled when he spotted me nearing.

"Hey." I huffed, jogging to a stop and rounding to follow them.

"Hey." Josh greeted me with a smile. "Long day?"

"Very." I sighed. "But I'm glad you guys are finally back."

"Seriously, Leandra." Zack replied. "School would suck a million times less if you were there."

"Don't start." I shoved him a little, and he laughed, taking a swipe at me. I dodged it, and he started to chase me. I led the chase right back to the house. With his backpack on, it was harder for him to catch me.

"Ha!" I barked, jumping up the last two porch steps onto the porch. "Safe!"

That didn't stop him, though. He made it up there with me, reaching out and wrapping his arm around my neck. I screamed jokingly, doubling over as he pulled me down and started tickling my side, but I was laughing, so he knew I was okay with it.

Josh walked right passed us into the house as I dropped down and broke Zack's hold. I shoved him back, and he landed on his butt. He was laughing too, so I knew he was okay with it.

I helped him up with my own laugh, shoving him lightly through the still open front door.

 **A/N: As much as many of you guys hate Ken, imagine what it's like for me with that bastard in my head lol  
** **If this is a little jumbled, I apologize as well. I wrote most of this while being awake twenty-two hours lol** **  
Hey, but it's a longer chapter! I'm happy about that! I didn't want to just breeze right through her stay with Heather, so I'm quite happy I was able to devote a whole chapter to it. :)  
THANK YOU! To all my reviewers! THANK YOU! Days have been difficult for me, so having reviews pop up really help. THANK YOU!  
Sixteen might take a little time, but what else is new? Lol.  
** **Until next chapter, my beautiful readers! (:**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Heather was working late, and wouldn't be home until after midnight, so it was up to Mark to provide dinner. He really wasn't a bad cook.

I helped Josh clean up the kitchen afterwards, while Zack did some homework. I took a look here and there, curious to see what kind of work he had to do. Just from watching, it wasn't hard to figure out that I was so far behind. It'd been awhile since I'd had any kind of lessons from Esme, and though I didn't exactly feel stupid, I knew I should probably get back on that when I got home.

After the kitchen was clean, Josh had to get started on his own homework, so I wandered into the living room. I was intending to check on my cell phone again, just in case, but I found Mark instead. He was seated in the recliner I was always lounging in, the lamp on beside him as he seemed to be comparing the writing on two different pieces of paper.

He almost looked like a completely different person when he was concentrating.

I didn't want to disturb him, so I turned, but the movement caught his attention anyway.

"Oh, hey." He spoke, and I looked back at him. He laughed. "Don't mind me. Do you need anything?"

"No." I replied with a small smile. "Just everyone's busy."

He chuckled, setting the papers to the side. "I'm glad they're actually doing their homework for once, but I'm sorry you're lonely. I might not be as entertaining as they are, but I'm free to keep you company."

Taking his offer, I drifted closer.

"So tell me." He prompted as I sat down on the couch. "Why didn't you seem surprised that Ken was here earlier?"

I'd expected that.

"Because I wasn't." I admitted with a shrug. "I knew he was here, but Alice chased him off."

"Alice?" He laughed a little.

"She's tough." I confirmed. "I'm pretty sure he listened to her. At least I hope." He sighed, looking down as he closed and set a folder aside.

"I admit, I'm left feeling a little out of the loop." He smiled a little sadly. "Jack was in our lives pretty much since Zack was born. She was tense, but Heather never let on that anything was wrong with that."

"She's better than I am." I replied quietly. "I couldn't do that."

"I'd met Ken a few times after that." He continued. "Summer trips to California brought us his way. Again, she never let on that anything was wrong there, but I will admit I wondered why she stopped going on those trips. Come to find out, out of the blue, that there was quite a lot wrong with that."

I didn't know what to say, so I just watched him.

"I'm a little confused." He admitted apologetically.

"There was a lot she didn't want to tell you about her."

"Oh, believe me." He nodded. "I understood. It's not been the easiest to get her to open up about her past, but I never held that against her. I always figured she'd tell me when she was ready. I only wish she'd told me sooner, because I could have done more to protect her."

I couldn't help smiling a little. He saw that and smiled as well, understanding what I wasn't saying.

"Though I've never known her to be the kind that needed protecting." He added, and I laughed. He leaned back in the chair, keeping the conversation open and light. "You and her go way back."

"I know." I nodded. "She told me about that."

"What I don't quite understand, is what brought Ken here in the first place." He said. "Him being here has really brought out a whole new side to her I've never seen."

"You've never had to see it before." I pointed out, but I looked down. "I feel so bad about that."

"About what?" He asked, and I shrugged.

"Showing him where her house is." I muttered. "I didn't know who he was, or I never would have gone with him that day."

"She can handle her own. Honey, she's tough, and I know for a fact that she doesn't blame you at all."

"I know." I kept my eyes down.

"But you blame yourself." He nodded. "I get it, but if there's one person I know can handle it, it's her. That woman has done nothing but fight for the way she wanted to live from the day I met her. Absolutely no one was going to stand in her way. I didn't think I had a chance in hell, she was so independent." I looked up. "But thankfully, I understood that. It was all on her terms, and I was perfectly fine with that. A little setback like this isn't going to budge her. She's made of steel, baby."

I smiled a little again at the term of endearment.

"So don't you feel bad, okay?" He continued. "She'll handle it her way, and I wouldn't expect any less." I hesitated, but sighed and nodded. "Although, the way she talks about him, I'm a little concerned."

"Why?" I asked, a little nervous now.

"She's preparing for the worst." He replied. "Like even she doesn't know what to expect from him."

"Maybe she doesn't." I said. "It's hard to stay one step ahead of a psycho."

"I never got that impression from either of them." He wasn't denying it. Only surprised.

"I don't know Ken that well." I sighed. "But I knew Jack better than anyone, and I still couldn't figure out how he got away with most of the stuff he got away with. If he was anything like Ken, I get why she's preparing for the worst."

He studied me for a second, and I forced a small smile. Reaching up, I gathered the top of my shirt at the collar, and moved it down. Far enough to show him the round, jagged scar I lived with. The one I'd gotten the time Jack had come within seconds of getting his revenge on me for running my mouth.

He leaned forward again, inspecting said scar with a frown. I knew he figured out rather easily what it was caused by, but I said it anyway.

"I died twice that day." I told him, and he met my eyes. "Jack tried to kill me because I didn't back down. I wanted to back down. So bad, but I couldn't, so he shot me."

"I can't imagine." He sighed sadly, shaking his head.

"I know." I fixed my shirt. "Not that many people can, but like I said. If Jack was anything like Ken, it's a good thing Heather is preparing like she is. She knows better than anyone how far he's okay with taking it."

"And you were alone with Ken?" He asked, surprised. I nodded.

"I think there was some kinda truce today." I admitted. "He was here to talk to me, but he didn't pull anything. I don't know if he would have eventually, but Alice made him leave."

"In any case, I'm so glad she was here." He replied sincerely. I nodded in agreement. He sighed. "I know one day I'll know the full story. Until then, I'll just do what I can to back her up."

"She knows that." I smiled. "And I know it helps her more than anything else."

We fell quiet for a second, and I looked away. The light from the lamp caught my attention, but the second I looked at it, pain stabbed through my head. I nearly flinched away from it, wincing as I rubbed my forehead. That was highly unpleasant.

"You okay?" Mark noticed.

"Headache." I muttered, and he nodded.

"I was told you sometimes get them." He replied. "There is a bottle of Ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet upstairs if you need it." I did what I could to shake it off, but it was already in place.

"Yeah." I mumbled. I stood up, but I could barely stand opening my eyes.

"Maybe you should lay down?" He asked, concerned now.

"Maybe." I agreed with a sigh.

Thankfully, he helped me up the stairs because a solid wave of dizziness nearly made me fall from the top step, but he was there to steady me.

"It'll go away." I assured him once I was laying down on Josh's bed. "It happens sometimes."

I had to admit, the pain was plenty familiar enough for me to be able to say that. Though it did want to scare me, it felt too good to shut my eyes.

"Feel better, sweetie." He replied sadly. "Just call if you need anything. I'll leave the door open."

"Thank you." I mumbled gratefully, and he nodded.

I curled up as close to the wall as I could get, and barely remembered closing my eyes before I was asleep. I woke up very briefly when the boys went to bed, but the sound of the rain hitting the window pulled me back into sleep.

For the first time in a very long time, I woke up choking. I recognized this feeling. Like my lungs refused to work, and like my throat was closed, but the burning I felt in it was new. I had a split second to finish reacting to that intense feeling before I was sitting upright.

I hated this feeling so much, especially knowing I couldn't pretend it was nothing as Josh scrambled out of bed. As he turned on the lamp, I sat curled tensely and trembling as I fought to bring myself out of that place.

I ached, and it hurt so bad, but I fought it back.

"Dammit." I sobbed in a whisper to myself. "Please not here."

I did inventory. Which one had it been? Where had that feeling come from? But I couldn't find it.

"Leandra?" Josh now sat beside me. He didn't look the slightest bit annoyed. Only worried. I hated that look.

"God, I'm so stupid." I folded forward, my sobs only renewing.

"No you're not." Josh replied immediately, his hand lightly resting on my back. "You're not stupid."

"Yes I am." I countered. "It's not fair."

He sighed heavily and hugged my curled ball. I could tolerate it at that point, but I didn't uncurl to return it. He held me like that until I started to calm down. Then he pulled away only far enough to lean down in an effort to find my eyes.

"You're not stupid." He repeated in a whisper. "Don't be so mean to yourself."

"Why shouldn't I?" I asked in my own bitter whisper. "I hate myself."

"Why would you do that? I kinda like you."

I forced a small smile. "You don't know me like I know me."

"I don't have to." He settled closer, sitting beside me against the wall.

"It would help." I countered, looking over at him. "Maybe."

"Nah, I don't think so." He shook his head a little. "I like you just like you are. You waking up at night doesn't change anything."

We both fell quiet, looking up at the top bunk as we clearly heard a snore from Zack. I had to laugh a little at the irony.

"So what was it?" Josh asked quietly, and my small smile faded as I looked down. I didn't feel like answering that.

"You don't wanna know that." I shook my head a little. "It'll only get to you."

"Maybe." He replied. "But I think I should know anyway. If it'll help me help you. After all, it's my job now, right?"

"Job?"

"Boyfriend." He laughed a little. "Just kidding." I laughed a little as well, unable to help it.

"I won't ever have a boyfriend." I told him confidently.

"Me neither." He sighed, and I had to laugh again. He laughed, scooting forward. I frowned a little as he climbed off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I can't sleep." He replied, offering me his hand. "Let's go sneak some ice cream."

That was perfectly fine by me. Before I could even move, though, I jumped with a yelp as Zack suddenly sat up in the bed above me.

"Ice cream?"

I had to laugh with them. They were really starting to turn a not-so-good night into a not-that-bad one.

We descended the stairs as quietly as we could, the entire first level of the house was dark. I let Josh lead the way since I couldn't see a damn thing, holding onto the back of his shirt. I was less than accustomed to moving through the dark. Zack followed me, his hand holding lightly onto the back of my shirt.

Considering we were sneaking, we were as quiet as we could be as we headed straight for the kitchen. It was interesting, and definitely enough to distract me.

Through the window beside the back door to the right side of the kitchen, cloudy moonlight illuminated the yard outside. It was late, and everything looked different in the dark. It'd finally stopped raining, but somehow, the clear night made it creepier.

Two things seemed to happen at once. My mind was already working a million miles a minute, thanks to the dream I'd just woken up from, so I caught little details. Josh turned to reach for the dim light over the stove, and at the same time, a shadow crossed the window.

My heart reacted before I even realized what it was I saw. It was very brief, not quite a second, but it scared me. That 'not-so-bad' night feeling vanished, and I froze up.

"Leandra?" Zack had heard my intake of breath, and had noticed. Josh's attention was captured as well, keeping him from turning the light on. I then questioned what I'd seen. I wanted to deny it, but I was also confident in what I saw.

"Hold on." I whispered breathlessly.

What I'd seen was the shape of a person, nothing else would have been big enough to make that kind of a shadow across such a big window, but I was a little nervous to approach the door by myself. I waited for it again for only a few seconds before I started toward the window. With a sinking heart, I noted that the kitchen window was open a little bit, as a breeze ruffled the curtain.

Zack followed me. Without question, he was right there, and Josh followed him.

I was slow in approaching, but I was startled and I stopped quickly enough for Zack to run into me when I saw the shadow again, but this time, it was followed by a very bright light that illuminated the entire window and the glass of the back door.

There was someone moving around out there on the back porch. I knew instantly that it was no one from my family, because we'd seen it at all. My family would have known exactly where we were in the house and avoided detection.

The boys had clearly seen it too, because Josh was suddenly pulling Zack back a step.

"Go get dad." Josh whispered to him, and Zack instantly rounded. He only paused long enough to peek out the window above the sink before jumping back.

"The porch is on fire." He called, running full sprint for the stairs. "Dad!" The sharpness of his shouted voice got me moving.

Josh took my arm next in an attempt to move me away from the door, but I resisted. Instead, I moved forward. I reached for the door knob, but Josh stopped me. He unlocked it and pulled it open himself right as we heard quick footsteps thudding down the stairs.

Instantly, we were both hit by very thick, black smoke. The very intense heat and smoke alone were strong enough to move me back a step. I bumped into Josh, and I got one good look at the porch through the smoke. Fire was literally everywhere, from the wood of the deck, to the posts and railings keeping the roof and ceiling up, and it was climbing. It would reach Mark and Heather's room once it was done with the porch.

I'd never been in this kind of smoke before. It burned my eyes and nose at the same time, forcing me to cough as it instantly sent burning pain through my lungs. Josh turned away, in the same state I was.

"Get away from the door!"

Mark approached us quickly from behind, jerking Josh back before reaching for me. I allowed him to move me, reaching up to cover my mouth and nose at the same time, as the smoke was burning my eyes badly. Mark pulled me away fast enough to make me stumble, and slammed the door shut.

He quickly herded us away from the back door, toward the kitchen table. I took the hint, turning away. The window over the sink was still open, and smoke was flooding through that into the kitchen like a rushing river. In the dark kitchen, it was terrifying to see that as our only source of light.

"What the heck is even happening?" Zack was panicking.

"Go outside, and call 9-1-1." Mark replied firmly, tossing his phone to Zack. Without another word, he opened the back door and ran out. Closing the door behind him. I worried about him, but at the moment, my lungs were throwing a fit. My entire chest and throat felt closed. Zack spoke his name and listed the address into the phone, through his own coughs. I knew that meant he was talking to the police.

I couldn't stop coughing or even get a breath, and the kitchen was absolutely filled with smoke. I almost couldn't make out the shape of the illuminated window. It was a physical feeling, being surrounded by this smoke. In my panic, I completely forgot what Mark had told us to do, so I froze. Even through the fabric of my shirt, I still couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak, or even see. My mind was in a disoriented panic, and I was stuck leaning against the kitchen table.

Seconds later, Mark came back into the house.

"Move it!"

He wasted no time in grabbing for Zack, who was closest and in about the same state I was. Grabbing his shirt, forcing him around and nearly shoving him forward. He actually picked me up and carried me sideways while moving the boys quickly for the front door.

When he meant business, he meant business.

He felt along the hall, because the smoke was flowing quickly this direction too, but carrying me, I must have slowed him down. He made it, though, and Josh threw open the front door.

The night outside was damp, but it was very welcome as Mark quickly crossed the lawn, and set me down on the sidewalk beside the mailbox. He took the phone from Zack, who crouched down with his own coughs. Now that I could see clearly, despite my eyes burning badly, I was surprised to see that the smoke had actually clung to the skin of Zack's face, painting it dark gray. Just below his nose, the gray paint was thicker, and his eyes were red and irritated. I vaguely wondered if I looked like that, but that soon no longer mattered.

I was so disoriented, all I could do was sit down and try to catch a single breath. A solid minute passed where I felt like I couldn't breathe at all. My coughing was making me dizzy, but I was never more grateful to lean forward and touch the cool grass in front of me.

"What the hell was that?" Josh was looking around. He had the same gray on his face as Zack did, but not as badly.

From here, we could see the the outside back side of the house completely lit up. It was brighter than any fire I'd ever seen, illuminating the neighbors houses on either side and the trees further back. I didn't even know if Mark knew about the shadow we'd seen. That little detail was probably lost in the panic. I knew I wasn't thinking about it that much.

Another minute maybe two passed, and I was a little surprised to look up the street and spot Richard running over. He must have been called or something, because it was very late at night.

He crouched beside me and Zack, looking at us.

"Are you guys okay?" He asked, and though my chest was still burning, I nodded.

"It was a person." Josh was the one that remembered to say something. I nodded again, confirming that I'd seen it too. "Someone was out there, right before it started."

"You're kidding me." Richard snapped, looking around quickly. He didn't sound like he was skeptical, though. Only mad.

"You three, go to my house. Stay there until we come and get you. I'll be here to help your dad." Josh took my arm and helped me to my feet. Before we could really move, though, we could clearly see the inside of the house lighting up as well through the front door, which meant the fire had gotten inside.

"Go on. Andrew should be waiting." Richard urged us. Josh got Zack up as well, and he led us away. I couldn't run, but I could walk rather quickly. We made it to Richard's house right as the fire truck was getting there, just rounding the corner up ahead.

We hesitated on the porch, though, watching the truck quickly pass right by us.

"Come on." Josh pressed us forward, toward the door. "We can see better from upstairs." He had a point.

We walked in to find Andrew on the illuminated stairs. The fearful look on his face made me pause. Josh urged me forward, though, and all four of us ascended them. Heading right for Andrew's room which had the closest front-facing window.

The three of them piled on the sill, but I was more tired than anything, sitting on the side of Andrew's bed with another coughing fit. It hurt quite a bit.

"This is crazy." Josh snapped at the window. "Who the hell was that?"

"Who was what?" Andrew asked, almost as alarmed as we were.

"There was someone outside." Zack answered him, and he sounded hoarse. "We saw whoever it was."

"Just the shadow, though." I corrected weakly. I knew I sounded just as hoarse, and they looked back at me. "Whoever it was didn't want us to find out about it as soon as we did." I could see on their faces that I had a point.

It was quiet for a moment while they continued watching.

"Do we still have to go to school tomorrow?" Zack wondered out loud.

"Zack, shut up." Josh snapped. "Our house is burning down, and you're wondering about stupid school?"

"No, they'll save it." Andrew assured him.

"You didn't see how fast it was spreading." Josh replied, less harshly.

"Are you cold?" Andrew asked me, bringing Josh and Zack's attention to me as well. I only then realized how hard I was trembling.

"A little." I admitted, and he moved forward. Grabbing the extra blanket on the end of the bed up and draped it over me. I accepted it gratefully.

"You know.." Zack started. "If Leandra hadn't woken up when she did, we _wouldn't_ have found out about it as soon as we did." Meaning, there would have been a good chance we wouldn't have made it out of there.

I hated that thought. Covering my face with the blanket.

"It's a good thing she was there." Andrew sat beside me.

"Very good thing." Josh agreed with a sigh. He glanced out the window as something caught his attention. "Mom's here."

Zack instantly rounded and jogged out of the room. Josh followed, but I stayed right where I was. Even under the blanket, I was still cold. Oddly, I found myself wishing for that feeling. I wanted that relief of knowing my parent was there to make sure I was okay.

I closed my sore eyes, just trying to warm up as we quietly listened to the boys greeting Heather with a loud recount of every detail they knew. I could only imagine the look on her face when she found out that it'd been a person that started the fire.

"She's up here." We heard Zack's voice starting up the stairs, and I knew they were bringing her up here. I didn't look up, fighting a lot of lonely tears. I felt so stupid, but it was hard as his voice only got closer. "She was cold. I think she got it worse than everyone."

I felt Andrew's arm leave from around my shoulders, and he stood up.

"Leandra." I looked up sharply at Carlisle's worried voice. I was so surprised to see him there, I jumped up and instantly hugged him. The same tears I fought now flung free, and I sobbed into his shoulder. I was so happy to see him, I didn't bother to fight them.

It'd only been a few days since I saw him, but the fact that he was here right now made it a much bigger relief.

He returned my hug tightly, crouching to lift me into his arms with his own relieved sigh.

"Thank you, Leandra." I turned my head to look over at Heather's emotional voice. "Thank you so much." I knew it wasn't lost on her what we'd realized earlier.

"It was Josh's idea to go downstairs." I sniffled, forcing a small laugh, but that faded quickly as I clearly wasn't done crying. I couldn't imagine what she must have felt, realizing herself that her whole family could have been lost while she was working. I had no doubts, though, that that wasn't coincidence. _Some_ one had made sure she wasn't there before lighting that fire, because that someone wanted her to live. This wasn't about me. This had been about her.

I really didn't want to let Carlisle go. It was too much of a relief to see him, and for the oddest reason, I felt like if I let him go, he'd disappear. He kept hold of me too, so I was pretty sure he was fine with that.

"Aw, honey." Heather murmured sadly, smoothing my hair in the back. She saw how forceful my tears were, and I knew she just wanted to comfort me. As if suddenly reminded, I started to cough again. Crying only seemed to have irritated my lungs and throat. Carlisle pulled me back to study my face.

"How long were you breathing in the smoke?" Carlisle asked, clearly concerned.

"Maybe a minute." Josh answered apologetically. "When I opened the back door, it just sort of flooded in so fast. She was right there in front, though, and it was just _right_ there. Even when dad was outside, it was still coming in and it was everywhere. That's when he came back in and made us go outside."

"I see." Carlisle sighed worriedly.

And that's how all three of us got to go back up the street and visit the paramedics that had shown up. Andrew tagged along, not wanting to stay there alone, and Heather volunteered to keep him company.

I was surprised to see that a few cops had shown up, as well as Richard sticking around. This part of the street was busy and completely lit up with flashing lights, which was irritating my eyes and giving me a headache as we sat piled together on the back step of the waiting ambulance.

Zack and I were the only ones that needed the oxygen. Josh was okay, but they made sure. I was given a different blanket, because I was still cold, but I was already feeling better. They didn't like the shallow sound of my breathing, though.

I didn't see any more fire, but there was still a whole lot of smoke pouring out the front door and from the now-lit up back yard.

The most annoying part of the night was when I found out I'd need to stay at the hospital for observation. Apparently breathing in a lot of smoke like that could damage airways and cause a lot of internal problems, and if I wasn't watched closely, it could keep getting worse.

Zack and I looked over as Mark approached with a heavy sigh. I felt so stupid with the oxygen mask over most of my face, but he offered a small smile.

"How are they?" He asked, coming to stand beside Heather.

"The boys will be okay." She replied. "But Leandra's going in for observation."

"Shit." He sighed again. "Geez, what a nightmare." He turned a little, looking back at the house. "The investigation could take all night, so you might want to think about getting a hotel for you guys once statements are taken. They're not sure what this is going to do to the integrity, but at least we're all okay."

"Thanks to Leandra." Andrew murmured quietly. He nodded immediately. He stepped forward, sat beside me, and gently hugged me. I returned it, just as grateful that he carried me out.

Since the front of the house and most of the upstairs were fine, Heather was able to go inside and gather some clothes and things for everyone. I was rather surprised when she came back out and handed my bag to Carlisle.

"You're coming home tomorrow." Carlisle explained at my confused look, and that surprised me even more. I didn't want to seem too excited, but I knew Heather could see it.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." She said.

"It's not your fault." I frowned over at her. "You were working."

"Exactly." She sighed. "I should have been here."

"We'll be fine, mom." Zack tried to comfort her too. It was still bugging Josh, though.

"But.." Josh spoke. "What if whoever that was comes back later?"

I saw the drawback of leaving so suddenly. He and Zack had always had pretty decent lives. They'd never been in the middle of a spot like this before, and they were both rattled pretty badly. With me leaving, I wouldn't be around to help him with it.

I didn't know how to comfort him, so I just placed my arm around him and squeezed him a little, resting my cheek against his arm.

"They won't." Heather told him. "But if they do, they'll have me to deal with."

I knew he trusted his mom, so he didn't say it out loud, but I knew what he was thinking. Almost as if I could read his mind, I knew where his thoughts went because mine went there too. There would be more nights that she worked late. Times she wouldn't be there to be mama bear.

I worried about my friends.

Josh and Zack gave their statements to the cops that came over. I went last, and every story was almost word for word identical. Except mine. Mine had a few more details, but that was because I'd seen it first.

I wasn't that sure about naming Ken specifically, because I didn't know what pointing the finger that way would do or if it'd just mess everything up, so I didn't. I only answered the cop's questions.

Heather left with the boys first, thankfully, so I didn't have to be the one that said goodbye. It was a bittersweet kind of goodbye, but I knew I'd see them again really soon. It wasn't permanent, but the worry made it harder.

Also thankfully, Carlisle was allowed to take me to the hospital himself. I didn't have to ride in the ambulance.

I wasn't ignoring the fact that an attempt had been made on my life, but it was weird not being the only one. All the way to the hospital, I went over the last conversation I had with Ken. I thought it had gone okay, until Alice showed up.

I'd honestly believed that it would be okay. Maybe he didn't know I was still there? Maybe he thought that Jasper and Alice had come to take me home, and he wasn't after me specifically.

Maybe he wanted her to suffer, but what I was caught on, was why he would consider her guilty in the first place. She had nothing to do with Jack's death. I did. The only way that would make sense was if he was trying to hurt us both at once, because he knew I loved her family. Her pain would have been an added bonus? Both her sons for his son.

"Leandra?" Carlisle's quiet voice shook me out of my thoughts, and I looked around for the first time since leaving that house. We were already at the hospital, and through the light drizzling rain on the windows, it was bright.

"Sorry." I sighed. "Just thinking. None of it makes any sense."

"I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am that you're okay."

I forced a sad smile. "In a way, you can thank Jack for that. If I had woken up a few minutes later.. Who even knows?"

"Leandra, do you really believe it was Ken?" He asked, and I hesitated. "I need to know that you're certain. Completely positive."

"I don't know." I mumbled in reply, looking over at him. "But who else could it have been? Everyone who knows her loves her and her entire family. Who else would want to hurt them?"

"There could be possibilities on Mark's side of things." He replied, and I fell quiet.

"I'd been thinking too small." I understood, and he nodded. I was so glad I had decided against naming Ken specifically. If he wasn't the one, I didn't want them wasting their time.

"I don't want to take a man's life if it isn't absolutely necessary." He sighed. "Even if his past crimes beg for it."

"But.." I whimpered. "What about-"

"We'll take a look after everyone is gone." He assured me, reaching over and gently cupping the side of my head. "If there is any scent left, we'll find the person responsible."

He was so sure, there was literally no choice but to believe him. I took as deep a breath as I could and nodded as I sighed. I didn't want to start crying again.

Briefly, I couldn't help remembering how hard a time I had trusting him in the beginning and even after he came back. It'd been hard, but that trust was still there. I trusted him more than anyone in the world, and I knew he could tell.

"Okay?" He stressed, and I nodded again.

"Okay." I replied this time. I glanced back out the rain-streaked windows at the hospital before I thought about another topic. "Is it safe for me to go back home?"

I knew he was prepared for that question, by how he answered.

"I believe it is safer at home than otherwise." He said. "Tomorrow, I will need your complete cooperation."

"Bella?" I gathered, and he nodded. "Don't worry. I know the rules. Plus.." I hesitated, and he looked over. "Remember the newborn that found me in the woods that day? He said my scent made me off limits. Your scents. I think if I smell like you, it'll be easier for her not to kill me."

"I hadn't considered that." He mused, in thought. "But I believe it's worth a try. Tonight, she and Edward aren't there. She managed to resist human blood this morning, and showed remarkable restraint this afternoon, but I don't want to push it."

I nodded. I sighed my way into another lung spasm, ending in a rough coughing fit. It didn't feel like it was getting any worse, but it wasn't much better either.

That prompted him to nod and leave the car. I took the hint, and followed.

I was so tired at that point, all I wanted to do was sleep, but I needed tests run first. Including x-rays and scans of my chest and throat, just to look for potential problems.

I was able to rest some between interruptions, but Carlisle never left my side. Even when he made the phone call home, filling everyone in on the second half of the events of the night. I just snoozed right through that, despite how excited I was to finally go home.

Thankfully, I didn't have to stay longer than a few hours. Carlisle was given the go-ahead to take me home, but to keep an eye on me closely for the next day or so. I was given a round of antibiotics, just to be on the safe side, and was back in the car about an hour before dawn.

I snoozed all the way home, and was even surprised when we got there so fast. I was tired and sore from being cold for so long, I just wanted to take a shower and crawl into my bed, but I had a few more things I needed to get through first.

Before I was even out of the car all the way, I was wrapped up in a bear hug I recognized instantly. I returned Emmett's hug with a tight one of my own and a small laugh.

"Shorty!" He held me up, but pulled back far enough to look at me. "Where's the rest of you?" I knew he meant my hair, and I laughed again. I couldn't answer that, only hugging him again. I wasn't done, and apparently, neither was he. He sighed heavily, squeezing me gently. "Geez, shorty. You scared us half to death."

"I know." I mumbled against his shoulder. "I'm okay, though. I hope I never have to leave again."

"You won't." He replied, but part of me somehow doubted that. I knew it was just the circumstances, and I'd come to believe him in time.

Even with Esme standing right there, I wasn't ready to let him go yet. She waited patiently for her turn, and as soon as I was on my feet, I was returning her hug.

I was so relieved to see for myself that everyone was okay here. I hadn't even realized how deep that worry ran until I was home. Ultimately, it was a very heartfelt homecoming, and I loved every second of it. It comforted me a lot. Even when Emmett insisted I take a shower, because I smelled and looked like I just crawled out of the fireplace.

I hadn't even had a chance to look at myself yet, so the first look in the mirror startled me. My face and neck were streaked gray, and it was obvious I'd breathed in a lot of smoke. Tears and rain had made paths through the gray painted on my face, but for the most part, it still clung to my skin like a banner.

Once I was clean, and in my most comfortable pajamas, I felt even better. I made sure to choose clothes that had never left this house, just in case Bella were to show up. I didn't doubt my safety one bit, especially with how my family hovered, but I'd have been lying if I told myself I wasn't scared.

I did eventually give in, though. I had to go to bed. I missed sleeping in my own bed the most. There was nothing like sitting there. It felt like years since I'd been in here, which was the strangest part. Morning or not, I was exhausted.

Before I could get too settled, a knock at the slightly-open door had me look over. I smiled a little as Carlisle walked in.

"Hey." I greeted with a sigh.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Better." I nodded. "I missed my bed." I patted it with my hand. "I know I hated it before, but I missed having a bed to myself."

"I'm sorry." He replied, slowly approaching the bed. "I know the arrangement-"

"It was fine." I laughed a little, assuring him. "Josh was nice to let me sleep there. I guess I kicked him a few times." He chuckled, but his smile faded a little as I looked down. "Everything's different now, huh?"

"I wouldn't say that." He sighed, sitting down on my bed as well. "I know it feels like it, but it really isn't." He was quiet for a moment while I inspected my blanket. "How are you otherwise?"

I glanced up. I knew what he meant. It'd been a long time since I'd been able to give my past much thought. My small smile faded at this reminder.

"That doesn't go away." I reminded him. "But talking to Ken helped."

"You spoke with him?"

Alice must not have mentioned that.

"Yeah." I admitted. "But he's gone now, so.. There's that."

"How do you know?" He asked. "And how did talking to that man help you in any way?"

"I got some answers I needed." I replied, glancing up. "Ones I didn't really wanna hear, but it.. It helped, and if he's anything like Jack, he'll keep his word." My voice quieted. "Jack always kept his word."

"You're still bothered." It wasn't a question.

"It's just.." I took a breath. "He looked so normal in the picture Ken showed me of them. When they were kids. Like any other boy."

"Looks can be deceiving." He pointed out. "But during that time in his life, he probably was just a normal boy."

"I guess it's just scary to think about how the things people go through can change who they are when they're older." I admitted. "I still thank my lucky stars every day that you found me and got me out of there when you did."

"So do I." He replied honestly, and I smiled a little.

"If I'd known back then what it would be like, I would have told you a lot quicker."

"Hind-sight." He nodded. "But you did. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to give up like that and tell me."

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done." I admitted quietly. "But you know why. I had so much to lose, not even just my life."

"I know." He nodded again. "But you also had even more to gain."

"And I gained." I agreed. "And I lost, but I gained again, and that's because of you guys. One day, I promise I'm gonna repay you."

"You already do." He assured me sincerely without a pause. "Every day. We truly are the lucky ones, Leandra."

I laid down for a much-needed nap not long later. My head ached a little, and my stomach felt iffy, but laying down helped almost immediately.

I woke up, forcing myself out of a nightmare involving fire. A lot of it. It was very brief, but bright enough to make my head hurt. My coughs as I sat up were actually what reminded me.

These coughs were an awful lot like the ones I'd been in the middle of when I woke up that night. If that's what it actually was that woke me up, then..

"Alice." I called ahead of myself as I climbed out of bed.

I left my room to find the living room crowded. Everyone, aside from Edward or Bella were in this room. Even as Esme left the room. Nobody seemed upset. More just being together. I had a feeling that the baby sitting upright in Rose's arms was the reason. I hadn't seen much of her yet, but I was surprised that she was older than I expected her to be. I barely recognized her.

"What is it, Leandra?" Alice asked, and I knew she wasn't the only one curious, but I didn't mind that. I didn't feel obligated to hide this part from anyone.

"Something's different." I replied, sitting on the armrest of the chair she sat in. "I couldn't figure it out until I woke up just now."

"I heard." Carlisle frowned. "I still worry about that cough."

As if reminded, Esme suddenly reappeared holding a mug out to me. I smelled it, and took the cup of tea easily. "Thank you." I sipped it, and smiled before I spoke again.

"Yeah.." I waved off Carlisle's comment a little, holding the cup between both hands. "But I woke up doing that before the fire even happened. That's why we were awake last night. It was so much like the other times, I didn't notice at first."

Alice frowned a little in thought. She wasn't understanding what I was getting at.

"All this time I've only _seen_ things months away." I pointed out, and she understood. "Never something minutes away."

"There would be a few explanations for that." She replied, looking up at me. "Of course the main reason would probably be that your gift is just getting stronger. More sure of itself."

"Oh." I muttered, frowning.

"Another explanation could be.." She paused for a sigh. "It could mean that whoever caused that fire made a very split decision to do so."

"What's a split decision?" I asked, curious.

"Split second decision." She explained. "I means they only decided to do it right before they did it. Though I don't believe something like this could possibly have been pulled off in a split decision, it means he.. Whoever _it_ is.. Wasn't directly planning it."

"How can someone not directly plan something?" I frowned. "That's impossible."

"They live in a hypothetical world." She replied. "Maybe he will, maybe he won't. It's people like that that can go either way. Friend or enemy. It's a huge red flag. They're very unpredictable and those are people you want to avoid at all costs."

"Have you ever known someone like that?" I asked. Somehow, that interested me. She seemed to debate for a moment while I took another drink.

"Yes." She finally answered. "Aro is like that."

I inhaled so fast, some tea went into my lungs with it. My hand flew to my mouth, covering it before I could spray as I started to cough violently.

I was startled by how forcefully I was reminded of that name, and breathing in a warm liquid really sucked horribly. That forceful reminder went to the back of my mind as the panic kicked in. It wasn't real panic. Only involuntary, instinctive panic that came when something in the body was in distress.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, patting my back while I choked. I could tell in one glance that Jasper didn't like my reaction. He knew it hadn't been random.

When I recovered enough, I looked over at her. Completely ignoring what had just happened.

"Aro?" I asked, and she stared at me. Not a bit of her expression changed, but I read in her eyes that she didn't like that either. None of them did. Something about me saying his name concerned them.

"Aro." She finally repeated. "He's like that. He's loyal only to himself. His brothers are a very close second. If anyone else believes otherwise, they're fooling themselves."

That gave me a direction to send the explanation for that dream the other night. Especially given their reaction. Whatever discussion we'd been having about the fire was lost.

"Is Aro bad?" I asked pointedly.

"Not if he has no reason to be." Carlisle answered quietly from the side, and I looked over at him.

"Excuse to be, you mean." Emmett scoffed. I looked to him next. "Shorty, you wanna stay as far away from him as you can."

"Why?" I asked nervously.

"Don't answer that." Esme scolded him.

"No." I stood up. "Why?" I felt like this was definitely something I needed to know. He glanced to Esme, and when she didn't protest again, he looked at me.

"If he found out exactly what kind of gift you're developing, he.." He hesitated. "Well, he'd _really_ want to be your friend."

"He'd have to go through me first." Alice grumbled, and I glanced back at her.

"You see the problem." Emmett added, gesturing gently to Alice. "He's been after anyone with your gift for a pretty long time now, but see.. It really wouldn't fly very well if he set his sights on you."

"Set his sights?" I asked. "For what?"

"He would want to use your gift for himself." Alice explained tightly. "From someone that knows all too well, I would stop at nothing to keep you away from him." She hesitated for a moment. "Why do you ask?"

I wasn't really sure, so I took another, more successful drink from my cup.

"He's the one that can read every thought someone's ever had, right?" I asked instead. "Edward told me a little bit about him back before the wedding."

"That's right." Carlisle answered, but I could see he was just as uncomfortable as everyone else. Maybe a bit more so.

"How could he use my gift for himself?"

"If you had a vision, and he took your hand." Alice explained. "There is no privacy when it comes to him." I imagined what it would be like for someone else to know every single thought I'd ever had, and I shuddered a little. Every single thought was quite a lot.

"Why do you ask, Leandra?" Alice pressed. I sighed, and sat back down, setting my cup down.

"I think I dreamed about him." I admitted hesitantly. "Zack said I talked in my sleep the other night, and he asked me who Aro was. I don't remember anything about it. Not even a feeling, but I kinda have to believe him because how else would he know his name?"

"Maybe it's nothing major." Emmett sighed.

"I don't think I've _seen_ anything less than major since I started getting this stupid gift." I replied skeptically.

"Way to squash my optimism, shorty."

"You're welcome." I countered without missing a beat, and he chuckled.

"We'll keep an eye out." Carlisle assured me, and I nodded.

I was still pretty confused, but I accepted that for now. Half a second later, Esme stood up from her chair, turning to look to the stairs. Emmett stood straighter. They were all extremely attentive, which took my full attention.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, forcing myself to stand up again. Alice, however, made me sit back down.

"Just stay still." Jasper instructed me. "Try not to move."

Before I could ask what he meant, I spotted Edward first. He was moving slower than I was used to seeing. Until I saw that he was leading Bella into the room.

True to my word, I did exactly as I was told. Sitting as still as I could possibly sit, my eyes on Bella's new appearance. I got to see first hand what being turned did to someone's appearance. It was both amazing and terrifying at the same time.

Her eyes met mine, and though I wanted to move away from the bright crimson of them, all I could do was briefly avert my gaze, and eventually look back up. She attempted a small smile, but I could easily see how tense just being here made her. Edward held her hand in his, rubbing her arm supportively.

I couldn't look away. My heart pounded roughly and I definitely couldn't move, but at the same time, I could tell how terrified she was. The others might have trusted her to pull this off, but she very clearly didn't have nearly that much confidence in herself. The least I could do was stay very still.

I watched as Bella took a careful breath, and though she hid it pretty well, I still saw the wince the action caused her to make. It wasn't her fault, and she was trying, but it was still tense. Edward must have done or said something to gain her attention, because she looked to him and nodded.

Together, they continued on. After they left the room, I finally let out the breath I'd held.

"How amazing was that?" Alice asked, smiling to Esme, "She did so well."

"They both did." Esme smiled, looking to me. All I'd done was not run away, but that must have been a good thing. Then I recalled that they could all hear my heartbeat's reactions, so that explained a lot.

I laid back with a sigh, closing my still tired eyes. That had been enough excitement for one day. Resisting the urge to get as far away from her as possible was difficult. I knew it was Bella, but seeing her that way scared me. Mostly her eyes. The deep crimson color of them, so different from the brown I'd seen before, told me to be afraid and it made me edgy. Even if she'd never actually tasted human blood, according to Carlisle.

Also knowing that someday, I would make that drastic change set my heart sprinting. Would I turn out as beautiful as she was? More importantly, would they even want me? I thought for sure I'd gotten passed that question a long time ago, but seeing Bella like that made it more real to me. It had always been a distant thought, a fleeting expectation, but now I saw first hand what being turned meant.

Now I understood, and for the first time, I was grateful Carlisle had refused when I requested it. I couldn't imagine myself like that when I was that young.

That sight stayed with me all day. No matter what I tried, I couldn't figure it out. Something about seeing her that way really set my skin crawling. I found it weird because it was just Bella.

I was fine with the newborn stranger I'd met in the woods. I wasn't nearly as edgy. I was okay with Laurent. Yeah, I didn't like him, but it wasn't anything like this reaction.

I stayed up as late as I possibly could. I put it off as long as I possibly could, which really should have told me something. It should have told them something, too.

I lay trying to sleep. I felt it, rolling towards me every time I closed my eyes.

I was going to have a bad night. I felt it, and for the weirdest reasons, I was absolutely terrified. It was crushing, and I could barely breathe the closer I came to sleep. It felt like I was begging. It wasn't actually a thought, but the feeling of the desperation of begging and pleading that I'd never once felt before.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, though, it was very busy. Sounds I couldn't quite make out. It was all internal. Every bit of it was internal, but it was pure chaos. Like trying to hear a nearly-muted TV at the opposite end of a very long, hollow hallway.

I'd just started focusing on it, when I was upright.

"Leandra?"

I was pulled roughly out of my mind, only to realize that I was already up. I had been upright and bawling for awhile. My heart was absolutely broken, and I cried loud enough to announce that. It physically tore at me, the absolute devastation.

I held so tight to myself, I ached and I violently trembled.

Alice sat closest to me, her gaze intent on me.

"Breathe." She stressed. I jumped startled at her smoothing my hair, the same movement she'd been doing for however long so far. It was taking it a long minute for everything to catch back up to me.

I was so scared, and so confused.

"Is she finally awake?" Emmett asked back by the door.

"I-I was never asleep!" My voice shook along with me, but that sounded like a huge lie to myself. Tears poured so forcefully down my cheeks, because just under the thousand pounds of pain was another weight I just started to recognize.

I was absolutely furious.

I was completely terrified, absolutely devastated, and murderously furious.

"Focus on your breathing." Alice told me gently, which really helped. "Calm down."

This was the weirdest thing I'd ever been through. As soon as I soothed the fury, the heartbreak caught back up with me, punching me right in the stomach. Tears forcefully and painfully welling in my eyes. My throat knotted up so quickly I gasped, and I choked on a sob.

I didn't understand this amount of emotion. It was beyond anything I'd ever felt before, and the worst part was, I knew there was a story behind these emotions that hadn't even happened yet.

It was the same feeling I felt at the start of everything this summer. It was the feeling I was hoping would be fixed by knowing everything was going to be okay, only it had only gotten worse. A lot worse.

"I'm so scared." I managed to whisper, and I could only hope they heard me.

"Why?" Alice nearly demanded. "Leandra, what was it?" I wasn't stupid. By now I knew her question wasn't just out of curiosity.

"I don't know." My whisper trembled along with me, but I didn't know what else to say. I would have given anything to know the reason behind this feeling, but at the same time, I really didn't want to know what was coming.

If it felt this horrible, I didn't want to know what was going to happen that would make me feel like this.

I crumbled then, leaning forward and burying my face in the blanket draped over my drawn up knees in an effort to keep some dignity. My breathing stopped as I forced my sobs quiet. They tore free hard enough to shake me.

"In here." Alice called, and I looked over in time to see Esme walk in quickly. She must have been out. I choked again, reaching for her before she even got to me. Something I hadn't done since the day she and the others were saving me from Jack.

She gathered me up quickly, holding me as tightly as I held onto her. I was still crushed, even with Jasper standing right there. Behind her, in the doorway, I looked over to spot Carlisle as he arrived.

He wasn't the only one deeply concerned when I released Esme only to cross the room to him. I'd never done that. I'd never given up the safety of Esme's hug just to go to someone else. Not when I was still this upset.

Of course he returned my hug as he crouched down, but that didn't keep him from being concerned. Especially as my tears renewed against his shoulder.

"What happened?" He asked above my sobs.

"She saw something." Alice answered. "She was in it for several minutes, but with Edward not here.."

"Several minutes?" Carlisle asked, surprised.

"She has no recollection of it." Edward's voice approaching wasn't enough to make me let go. I was actually surprised to find that he was right. I couldn't remember anything about it. Apparently, several minutes had passed without my knowledge because I could only recall trying to sleep. There was nothing between trying to sleep and suddenly sitting up with the room bright as day and Alice calling my name.

Esme sighed sadly. "I'm a little bit glad she doesn't remember, because.."

"If it makes her react like that, what could it be?" Alice finished for him, and her sigh told me she was approaching.

I couldn't breathe in. It was physically impossible to let myself, because I knew if I did that, I wouldn't be able to be silent anymore. I was crushed and it was spreading. It was physical, my fists clenched in the fabric of Carlisle's shirt.

I'd never felt this before, and it was scaring me. Never.

"For Pete's sake, just help her." Emmett snapped from the doorway.

"I have to let her feel them." Jasper shook his head. "If I take them from her, it'll be harder for her to identify later. Unfortunately, a reaction this strong means we need to know sooner rather than later."

"Think it could be Aro?" Emmett asked, quieter now.

"What reason would he possibly have?" Alice asked with a frown in her voice. "Last time I checked, he was perfect happy with us."

"For now." Emmett pointed out.

"Whatever it is, we need to be prepared for the worst." Edward wasn't happy either.

"We'll discuss this later." Carlisle spoke firmly. I knew he was only worried about me, because I was listening to them.

I was _trying_ to calm down. Not prepare for the worst.

I hated my gift so much right then. I hated it.

 **A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long, guys. So much has been going on around here, I don't even know where to begin explaining.  
** **If this chapter is a little mixed up, please forgive me. I wanted to get this out there, because it helps me concentrate on the next when I get a spare second.  
** **THANK YOU to my awesome reviewers! And the new follows. Without you, there'd be no chapter sixteen.  
** **I look forward to reading your thoughts on this one. Again, I apologize if it seems like mostly filler, or too rushed/mixed up. It's been chaotic around here lately.  
** **Until seventeen, guys. :}**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

I chose to spend some time with Renesmee the next day. I still didn't quite understand why she was growing fast, but I didn't give it much thought.

I had to admit, though, she was more entertaining now that she was older. She was literally just a baby, but I had nothing to worry about. She was physically tougher than I was, but intentionally harming her wasn't anywhere near my thoughts.

But at the same time, she was warm, big on cuddling, and _always_ happy. She had shown me her little mind trick, and it was too weird for me, which she noted because she hadn't tried again. She hadn't tried to bite me again, so she must have figured that out too.

"And you honestly worried?" I glanced back at Emmett's question, just to find that Jake was back. Renesmee was seated on the couch in front of me, and I was kneeled on the floor. I was busy arm wrestling her, and she was laughing her head off, having the best time.

She always gave just enough effort to knock my arm down, but she'd always let up enough for me to raise my arm again. It was the coolest thing to see her so aware of her strength already. I was probably what she practiced on. Everyone else was stronger than her.

I was also surprised to find I got along better with her than I did my own sisters.

"Well, okay." Jacob replied. "So you were right."

"Duh." I added, looking over at him, and he smirked. I wasn't as against him anymore, but I did wonder. "Why are you still around so much, anyway? I thought everything was settled with you guys."

"Careful, dude." Emmett shook his head, sitting down on the end of the couch.

"Why?" Jacob asked, obviously skeptical.

"Unless you explain it in _just_ the right way, she'll gladly set your face on fire." Emmett replied, no hint of joking in there. "You open that can of worms, there's no holding back. Trust me. Bella was preferable."

"Do I even wanna know?" I asked, hesitant now. I turned to face them both now, sitting down on the floor. Jacob seemed a little hesitant himself now.

"He's sort of taken it upon himself to be another devoted protector for this little bean." Emmett explained for him, reaching over and scooping Renesmee up off the couch. Quickly, much to her amusement.

"Oh." I muttered. "So? What's so bad about that? Is it because they're wolves?"

"There are many ways for that explanation to go wrong, shorty." Emmett replied with a small smile.

I shrugged, sitting down beside him on the couch with a sigh.

"You still bugged, shorty?" He asked, looking down at me. I nodded silently, staring at my hands in my lap. I hated this feeling. The word 'bugged' didn't even begin to cover it. The feeling I was left with was intense.

He sighed. "Come on. I get it's something you've done your whole life, but don't worry so much. Live here and now. You'll lose your mind in 'what-if' land."

"I just want things to be okay." I mumbled quietly.

"Things aren't okay?" Jacob almost demanded. "What's not okay?"

"See, now you've gone and panicked Jakie." Emmett sighed. "Right now, everything is fine."

I kept my eyes down. Vaguely aware when Jacob moved forward to take Renesmee from Emmett. Until Emmett suddenly scooped me up and cradled me in his arm like a baby. He immediately started tickling my sides, which prompted me to squirm for my life. I was quite a bit bigger than a baby, though, so keeping me there was a little harder.

"Are you jealous?" He asked over my involuntary laughter. "Do you need attention too? All you gotta do is say so."

He stopped tickling before it could start bugging me, and sat me up in the spot between him and the armrest, squishing me.

"You know no matter what, you'll be fine." He told me when I got a better hold of myself. I hated that. My smile faded quickly.

"I'll only be fine if-"

"No." He cut that off. "You will be fine. Remember?"

He was referring to the discussion in my room the night before. I kept my eyes down. Because I didn't reply, he went on.

"No matter what, you'll be taken care of." He stressed, but I hated thinking about it. It bothered me so much to even consider them talking about being prepared for the worst.

"You can't promise that." I mumbled. "Whatever that was didn't feel like something I could be okay from."

He sighed sadly, dropping his arm around my shoulders and hugging me into his side. The pressure actually felt comforting, despite how I was almost lost in the limited space. I vaguely noted how hard this closeness would have been on me a year and a half ago, but I let it comfort me.

"It sure didn't sound like it." He admitted. "But still. You're set, whatever happens. We wouldn't let anything happen to you."

I whimpered, reaching out and laying my arm across his middle, hugging him as well. As much as I could, anyway.

It wasn't _me_ I was so worried about. I was worried about everyone else.

Any number of scenarios could cause emotion like that. With just my family alone. There were Josh and Zack to worry about too. Anything could happen to them, which was second on my list. Andrew was third. As hard as it was to admit, my dad and his family came next to worry about. Something could happen to them.

But if I was truthful with myself, the feeling didn't add up. I was sorting them out like flashcards, and the feeling I would have if anything happened to everyone else paled significantly when it came to thinking about something happening to my family. It just wasn't the same, and it narrowed it down quite a bit.

Which Edward had caught on to. With Jasper's help, it didn't take a genius to figure it out. So the discussion was made, giving me options. 'Just in case' options. Of course I was there for that, so Emmett really hadn't needed to remind me.

"You're probably just so used to everything being so messed up that you expect it now." He said casually. "Eddy and Bella will be talking to this Aro fella, and smooth things out there. All your little friends will be fine, and we'll catch up with your dad. Then everything will be peachy."

I wanted to ask him to promise, but I couldn't. I didn't want him to promise, and have it be a lie. We sat quietly for a moment, before he looked down at me.

"You feeling okay, shorty?" He asked, slightly concerned.

"Not really." I muttered. "Why?"

"You feel like you've kinda got a fever." He noted, which wasn't weird considering I was pretty much right there. I shrugged, and he felt my forehead with his hand. I turned my head away, feeling stupid.

"Maybe I've got some disease from Africa or something." I'd meant that as a horrible joke, but I regretted it as soon as I said it. He squished me in correction.

"Don't say that." He frowned. "If it gets any worse-"

"I'm fine." I rolled my eyes, despite the lingering headache I still had. "Has anyone heard from Heather yet?"

"Not yet." He replied easily. "I'm sure when she knows something, she'll pass that info along. Until then, they're fine." He sighed. "You know, shorty, your gift isn't-"

"Shh." I cut him off with a smack. "Whenever you call it what it is, it wakes up." He chuckled.

"Okay, well.." He said. " _It_ isn't that bad. It's not a bad thing, even if it seems like it is."

"How is this not bad?" I asked, skeptical.

"Yeah, the situation sucks, but that's not.. _Its_ fault." He replied. "You get to have some kind of heads up for what's coming. Things the rest of us can only guess at. When you get the hang of it, that thing is going to be the biggest blessing. Even if you're never turned."

There was a thought, but it was a welcome distraction.

"That would be kinda weird." I frowned a little. "Never being turned."

"What would be weird about it?" He asked. "It means you grow up, live your life like a normal person. Get married, have kids, the good stuff."

"Ew." I muttered.

"Or don't." He shrugged. "Grow up, have a hundred cats and be a hermit."

"That doesn't sound fun either." I wrinkled my nose. "I don't really like cats, and I don't know what a hermit is."

"The point is, you'd have a chance to do all of that." He went on. "If you're never turned, you'd go farther than any of us ever did."

"That's a lie, grandpa." I countered, and he laughed. To my surprise, even Jacob laughed from across the room. I'd forgotten about him for a moment.

"Tell me this." Emmett sighed, taking my attention again. "What kind of plans do you have?"

"For what?"

"Your life." He replied. "You need some kind of plan, or you'll crash and burn."

"I guess I don't have one." I shrugged this time. "I'm just me."

"Being just you is fine, but eventually, you're gonna have to pick a direction."

I understood what he meant, but it was hard to consider that. It was pretty overwhelming. I'd always had a hard time even thinking of the future. Maybe that was why my gift chose me, but now was no exception.

"I have no idea." I looked up at him. He smiled a little.

"You've got time." He assured me, and that helped.

"I guess I'm still just trying to figure all of this out." I muttered, looking back down. "It's still pretty confusing."

"About the visions?" He asked. "I wouldn't worry too much about that. You'll get it when you're ready to."

"Not just about that." I mumbled, shrugging. "It's everything. It's.. The way everything just changed so fast. My head is still spinning."

"Around here? Everything's going to be okay now, shorty."

"Not just around here." I replied. "Bella is fine, but she wasn't. For so long. Seeing her like that can't.. It can't just suddenly be okay. It's weird." I paused as I gathered my thoughts. Trying to imagine how to word what I needed to say.

"Shorty, you're human." He replied. "It's no wonder you're having a hard time with that."

"So what if I'm human?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Even with how smart you are, and whatever changes that brain of yours is going through, you're still human." He explained. "There really is only so much you can process at once, and it's a lot harder for you to adjust. Give it some time."

"Maybe." I sighed heavily, laying my head back. "It's not just around here that's changed, though. It's everything. Everything has changed."

"What else has changed?" Emmett asked, frowning a little.

"Me." I pointed out quietly.

"Are you still on that?"

" _Yes_." I grumbled. "It still feels too different. Like I don't even know myself. Like everything about me isn't me. Like every step I take doesn't add up. Do you know how much that bugs?"

"I'm pretty sure you have always been you." He frowned a little.

"Are you _sure_ about that?" I challenged. "There's always been a lot of things I hid from you guys. As much as I could anyway."

"For example..?" He prompted casually.

"I dunno." I muttered, looking down at my hands. "A lot."

"That's not an example."

"I can't think of one I wanna actually say." I admitted shyly, glancing toward Jacob.

"Don't mind me." Jacob caught that, and he turned, wandering out of the room with Renesmee.

"Shorty, no matter what it is you think you're hiding, there's a very good chance we already know." Emmett replied gently. "It doesn't take a mind reader to figure out where a life like yours can take that head of yours, but if you stick to it, you won't be lost in that darkness for very long."

I had my doubts.

I was quiet now, but it was nice to have that reference, because it meant he still remembered and still supported me through it. All it took was a look, and he seemed to understand.

"It's okay." He said with a small smile. "I know change is something you've had a hard time with for awhile. You're just meeting yourself. That's all it is. You're bound to have a harder time with that than most because you have so much more to think about. Give yourself some time."

"How much time?" I asked. "I hate this."

"As much time as it takes." He poked my nose. For old time's sake, I snapped my teeth at him, and he laughed, shaking his head.

I did what I could to ignore it, but I did feel more tired than usual. I knew it wasn't only the emotion of the night before that got to me. I felt the effects of the fever Emmett had pointed out.

I tried to ignore it, because the last thing I needed was to get sick.

Unfortunately, only a minute of silence later, I had to scoot out of my seat and sit up straighter as my cough chose that time to make itself known again. Being squished like that wasn't possible anymore.

Every cough felt like shards of glass, but it wasn't new.

"Aw, shorty." Emmett seemed to feel bad for me while I fought to catch my breath. "I hate that you were in there."

"It sucked." I admitted when I could, glancing over as Carlisle walked in. "It happened so fast, and stupid me just sorta stood there. I'm so thankful Mark got me out of there."

"What do you mean you just stood there?" Emmett asked.

"I don't even really know." I sighed through my shallow breaths. It was getting better, though. "After Mark moved me away from the back door, I only got to the table before.. I dunno. I felt too confused to move, so I was stuck, but at the same time, I was so scared and knew I shouldn't have been standing there."

"That was probably caused by the oxygen deprivation." Carlisle sighed sadly. "The more smoke there is, the less oxygen there is for you to breathe. It isn't only the fire that was a threat, which I think is what's confusing you. It's extremely dangerous."

"I could barely see the window by the time Mark came back in and got us. The smoke was too thick to see through." I added, and he nodded.

"He kept you as safe as he could to the best of his ability." He replied gently.

"Why didn't he just rush them all outside?" Emmett asked, frowning.

"Because there was a propane tank attached to the barbecue grill on the porch." Carlisle answered, and that seemed to make sense. "Had the fire reached it, quite a few more lives would have been in danger. He did what he could, and he still got the kids outside. Bravery like that should be admired."

"So that's why he went outside." I muttered, understanding. I hesitated. "I'm confused, though. Didn't Alice see that happening? Or was that how you knew to come get me?"

"Unfortunately, no." Carlisle replied. "It's always been a bit difficult for her to see you." I'd known that before, so it made sense. It didn't bring me much comfort.

"So.." I pieced it together. "Whatever this thing is I saw last night.."

"It must directly affect or impact you." Carlisle finished for me. "Given the pattern, but given the amount of emotion it brought you, we can't help but keep trying to find out what it is."

"Maybe I'm in the way?"

"No, that isn't it." Carlisle shook his head a little. "Alice's visions are decision based." Oh yeah. "It only means there's a decision that has yet to be made at some point."

"So I can.. _See_ things happening before a decision's even made?" I frowned. "How's that work?"

"The path, probably." Emmett surprised me by answering. "Think of it like having a higher vantage point. Alice is stuck on the ground, and you're in a tree. You can see where the path ahead leads a lot farther than she can."

"That makes sense." I was still surprised.

"Unless someone does or decides something that changes that path, the course will stay the same." He added. "Which we obviously don't want, so we need to figure out what needs to change."

"And that's up to me." I mumbled, catching on.

"Pretty much."

"We're doomed." I sighed, looking down.

"Don't say that." Carlisle replied, and I looked over at him. "You'll get it. I have so much faith in you."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, shorty." Emmett added, nudging me. "You're awesome, and never forget that." Again, a look was all that was needed for him to see my doubt. "Hey, you kept three other people from dying in a horrible way. You're freaking awesome."

"But I could've died too, so I was only really watching for myself." I pointed out.

"But you didn't." He replied.

"Because you alerted Mark in time." Carlisle murmured, and I looked over at him again.

"Zack did that."

"Regardless." He nodded a little. "You were able to save them by bringing their attention to it right when you needed to. Mark was the adult in the situation, and he exceeded my expectations, and he came through for you. Which is why I'm paying for any repairs or remodels that need to be made on their home."

"You are?" I was surprised again. That helped.

He nodded. "Heather has decided that they don't want to move, which is also exceptionally brave. The least I can do is help them a little bit financially."

"How hard was it to get her to accept that?" Emmett chuckled, and I was curious too.

"It was pretty difficult." Carlisle admitted. "Especially after she allowed the car last spring, but she also couldn't exactly outright refuse it." I didn't blame her. Rebuilding the back half of a house that big couldn't have been cheap.

I wasn't feeling that well, though. I felt sluggish, and tired. I had been feeling that way all morning, and I'd tried to blame it on my shitty night, but it felt like more. I wound up going back to bed after lunch. I needed to close my eyes for awhile, despite hating whatever I might see.

I woke hours later with a one-oh-two fever, which apparently meant I was fighting an infection. I wasn't that surprised by it, considering Emmett had brought my full attention to it that morning.

And just like that, I was stuck in bed. Not that I minded much. I was too tired to care.

An overwhelming exhaustion that I couldn't fight stole almost every ounce of my energy. With the door closed, all sound in the house, however little there was, closed behind it. It was quiet enough for me to just lay there and rest. Whether that meant just snoozing, or actually deeply sleeping.

I was monitored very closely over the following few days. Waking only to eat and drink what I could, use the bathroom, and take medicine before I was laying back down. One thing was for sure, though. I was very grateful to be home during all of this. The weakness I felt also led me to a feeling of vulnerability I didn't like.

During my sleeping moments, I was hard at work in my own head. Trying to decipher what the dreams I couldn't see were telling me. I didn't have that dream again, but I was always on the look out.

Until I did have it again.

The blackness was back this time. The terrifying scene that I dreamed about, but had no idea what it was. The dull noises at the end of the very long, empty hallway. The resonating pain in my head was what woke me up this time, before I'd even realized I was awake. I'd been awake for awhile.

There was no dulling of the fear or pain because it was the second time seeing it. It was just as strong as before, and just as upsetting. If not more. I sat there, squeezing my eyes shut as I sobbed violently, and held my head between my hands. Trembling roughly, I felt Carlisle's eyes on me.

Whatever this was I dreamed about was physically hurting me. This was all in my head, and it was difficult to breathe, much less open my eyes.

I had more than just Carlisle watching me, and I knew it, but I couldn't see long enough to know who all it was. I couldn't focus my vision. It was too blurry, and it caused me too much pain. Among the cries and the sobs, I had to focus all I had on not throwing up in pain. I soon lost that fight.

That was the most concerning thing. Being in upset enough, and in enough pain to lose against the nausea, and dive for the closest trash can. Among my violent trembling, the cold sweat soaking my clothes, the intense physical and emotional pain, I lost that fight. My head felt like it'd split in two.

The blackness was all I was left with, aside from the emotions of it and the physical pain I was in. This hurt so much, I couldn't stand it.

Eventually, Alice came and sat beside me. I felt the bed dip to my other side, and her hand gently pulled my left away from my head.

"It'll ease up." She told me gently. "Just breathe." I tried to follow her direction, but all I could take were shallow, violently shaking breaths. My heart was racing, and it was tough to slow it down. I was sitting there, in my own bed, panicking for reasons I didn't even understand.

There was a reason. I knew there was a reason behind this reaction. I wasn't stupid, but that didn't change the fact that I still couldn't see anything. Each time I tried, it only hurt my head more. The panic was the hardest thing to fight through, out of everything else.

"Ow.." I sobbed when I could. Quieter though, hardly a deeply pained whimper.

"Stop trying." Alice told me, knowing exactly what was keeping me so upset. "Open your eyes."

"I can't." I whimpered. "It hurts too much."

"Focus on trying to open your eyes." She suggested. "Just focus on that, and not the pain. It'll ease." It was tough, almost impossible to do as she suggested, but I eventually managed to squint my eyes open, and she was right. The longer I went without trying to find what was behind the blackness, the less my head throbbed.

I looked over to Carlisle, who continued to sit there watching me. I had to say something. I had to tell him first, him specifically what the emotions of this dream told me. I leaned over hugging him. Though my cries had eased, and quieted, they were definitely still there.

"It's not alright." I cried quietly, hugging him tighter. "It's not."

"Breathe." He told me quietly.

"I've never been this scared, Carlisle." I squeezed my eyes shut. "It's just going to get worse. So much worse."

"I'll keep an eye out." Alice promised from the side. "Just calm down."

"I can't keep doing it." I cried, looking over at her. "I can't. I need to make it stop."

"That worries me." Emmett muttered from where he stood watching. This was becoming normal, but the fact that he was worried told me to be worried.

"You can." Alice ignored him. "You wouldn't develop a gift you weren't ready-"

"I'm not ready!" I sobbed loudly, hurting my throat with the force. "I'm not! Please just tell me how to make it stop. I don't wanna see what happens anymore. I can't stand it."

"Isn't there anything that can be done?" Esme was pleading for me. She could see I was tearing myself up. My heart broke all over again, and Carlisle held me tighter as if he knew.

"If there's a trick to it, I don't know it." Alice replied sadly. "Once it's there, it's there to stay. Jazz can take charge of her emotions for now, but it won't stop the physical pain she's in. Other than keeping her drugged, I don't see a way to stop that."

" _No_." I immediately protested that, even through my tears.

"Something needs to be done." Carlisle sighed. Right then, Jasper finally chose to step in. Tears still escaped with the pressure in my head, but my intense panic was calmed completely.

I was given the strongest antibiotics Carlisle had on hand, and a fever reducer. Neither of which did anything for me. My fever stuck at nearly one-oh-four, and I knew enough to know that it was nearly time to worry.

The next few days were filled with fighting my fever, resisting the return of my cough, and trying to rest.

This dream still managed to mess with my sleep, and with my cough back, it was hard enough to breathe normally. Getting upset only made it worse, and much harder to breathe around my sobs.

My fever had spiked briefly, reaching just over one-oh-five, and I had to take a warmish bath to bring it down. There was no choice, not that I had the energy to protest anyway.

The water felt cold to me, but I had to sit in it until it felt comfortable to me. The bath succeeded in bringing my temperature back down to nearly normal range, but after a few hours, it climbed back up to one-oh-four. Aside from making me live in the bathtub, there wasn't much else they could do.

I hated being sick. I hated it. I lived out of my bedroom. Spending most of my time resting, trying so hard to break the fever, and fighting the cough. As I'd predicted, the cough had gotten worse. This was just as bad as when I'd spent that time in Port Angeles. Maybe a little worse. It hurt to take a breath, and it made it almost impossible to sleep now.

When I could sleep, the only dream I had was of the blackness. The scene I couldn't see. No memories. Nothing else, but the same blackness. The same terrorizing blackness I couldn't decipher. Alice continued to keep an eye out for me, but there wasn't anything going wrong. Not that she could see.

That still didn't comfort me. It didn't make me feel any better, because as we'd already discovered, she couldn't see as far as I apparently could. I knew to be worried when she didn't. My panic put them all on edge.

After enough time and effort, we lowered my fever to a persistent one-oh-one point three, and that was where it stayed. I was just happy enough that it didn't feel the need to climb back up. My cough, however, stayed. Even with the antibiotics. Each breath I took had to be a gasp, otherwise I wouldn't get a deep enough one.

I was so worn down, but I couldn't stay in bed anymore. It'd been nearly two weeks now, and I was exhausted, but I needed so be somewhere else other than my room.

I laid back, slouching on the couch and nibbling on my third cup of ice chips that morning, staring at my feet. The room's temperature felt cold to me, but it was more of a slight discomfort. My brain felt sore today, but it was a huge improvement from the pain as of lately.

For once, I wasn't watched by everyone. I was grateful for that. I was starting to remind myself of Bella. Alice stuck close to me, but Carlisle did too. I only knew Jasper was somewhere nearby, because I was calm.

It was quiet in the room, and I was lost in thought.

"I hate what-ifs." I finally broke that silence, gaining their attention.

"Me too." Alice agreed quietly. "But which ones in particular?"

"Nothing." I sighed, sitting up straighter. I'd started slouching too far for comfort. "Did you know my mom is dating Richard?"

"Is she?" That was actually a surprise to her. I nodded.

"I thought it was weird at first." I admitted. "But it's whatever. It's her life. Why shouldn't she be allowed to live it?"

"That's a very mature way of thinking about it." She replied, and I smiled half-heartedly. I shrugged.

"I guess I just feel guilty." I mumbled quietly.

"For what?" Alice asked, looking over.

"I hated her so much for so long." I answered, keeping my eyes down. "I thought for so long that she deserved to be hated. Even when I knew everything, I still had a hard time letting that go. I was so stupid."

"You've never been stupid." Carlisle murmured before Alice could.

"I blamed her for so much." I replied, glancing over at him.

"She had her part in it." He allowed. "She's accepted her part of the responsibility, but.. Leandra, you were a _child_. You were raised in a _very_ hostile and violent environment. You only did what you could to survive."

"But blaming her?" I questioned, sitting upright with a sigh.

"Did you blame her, or did Jack blame her?" He turned it around, and I hesitated. "Do you remember when the blaming started?"

"I don't remember." I admitted sadly.

"I have no doubt that it didn't begin with you." He said. "You grew up believing that she was doing this to spite you, but _how_ did that begin? All that Jack put you through absolutely depended on you believing that she'd abandoned you. With you having any amount of hope, Jack's plan wouldn't work."

"Okay, so I was stupid for believing him."

"No." He shook his head. "You're wrong again. You were never stupid. Children believe what they're told by whatever caregiver they have. Every bit of their survival depends on it, so it's an instinct. Do you remember when I mentioned that before?"

"I remember."

"You were doing exactly what children do." He went on, firmer. "Not to mention the fact that you saw the evidence for yourself. You had no possible way of knowing the truth. What Jack told you was all you had to go on."

I still had my doubts.

He took a breath. "If you were faced with four-year-old you right now, would you tell her everything you tell yourself today? Would you tell her that everything she was going through was her fault?"

I immediately looked down. Just the _thought_ hurt. Picturing that hurt me. That question touched on a nerve I didn't even know I had, and I found myself fighting tears, swallowing against painful emotion. I was surprised, but Carlisle didn't seem to be.

"Would you blame her, and tell her she's stupid for believing the only conscious adult in her life?" He went on, and silently, I shook my head. I couldn't speak to answer out loud. "Would you.. _Could_ you sit there and tell her all these things you tell yourself on a daily basis?"

"No." I finally whimpered.

"None of what you did or felt back then was your fault." He said. "None of it. I know it might take some time, but please. Stop blaming yourself, Leandra. Please."

"I don't know how." I mumbled. "I don't-"

I cut myself off at a rather strong, very sharp pain through my head. It was very brief, but strong enough to make me react to it. I reached up, pressing both palms to my forehead with a whimper. It felt like a rubber band had snapped somewhere in the middle of my brain. I knew that wasn't possible, but that was what it felt like. I'd felt that before, and it used to hurt a lot more.

Carlisle was suddenly there, crouching in front of me on the floor.

"I'm okay." I gasped before he could get too worried. I was okay, but I needed the ripples of pain to dissipate. That seemed to help, and he waited while I recovered. I was getting used to it, and it seemed that he was too.

When I could finally open my eyes, he seemed concerned, but not nearly as worried as he used to get. I took a deeper breath as most of the pain cleared. I trembled uncomfortably, but that was about all that was left.

"Sorry." I sighed, but he shook his head.

"Don't be." He replied with his own sigh.

"Growing pain?" Alice asked, and I nodded. Since that's what that was decided it was, it made it a whole lot less scarier. She hummed in thought. "I wonder.."

"What?" I asked when she didn't continue.

"I've noticed a pattern." She said. "These pains usually happen immediately before a few days of constant headaches, and they happen right after. After which, you're fine. Right?"

I paused to think about it. She was right.

"I might have some days with the plain headaches too." I frowned a little. "But yeah."

"During those few days of headaches, that's when you're most likely have a dream. Or more recently, a vision." She added, and I waited for her point. "Maybe that's when we need to work on getting passed those blocks of yours."

"How?"

"What do you do to cope with these headaches?" She asked, and I thought again. It was weird that she was asking me these questions, when she knew the answers.

"Take stuff for it, and if it's really bad, sit in my room." I answered anyway.

"Do you avoid thinking about it?"

"Yeah." I replied almost apologetically. "Thinking about it makes it worse."

"Next time, try thinking about it." She suggested. "Focus on it."

"But you said-"

"I know I said not to." She allowed, nodding. "But maybe we're missing something. See if you can peek passed it."

"Um.." I frowned again.

"I mean, if you're able to." She replied. "If it hurts too much, stop. I just think this pattern means something."

I shrugged. "I'll try it."

"Your fever is down." Carlisle pointed out in the following thoughtful silence. As if needing confirmation, his hand landed lightly against my forehead.

"It is?" I asked, surprised. I still felt like crap, but sure enough, the heat behind it was gone. I hadn't even noticed, aside from a bit of light trembling. "So this stupid thing was causing my _fever_?"

"It explains why the antibiotics weren't doing much."

"This is so weird." I sighed, laying back again.

"Incoming." Emmett announced his presence, making me look toward the stairs at his arrival.

"Just stay calm." Alice offered a small smile, which told me exactly who was coming. I sat up straighter as Carlisle stood up beside the couch. Even with Emmett now in the room, I felt safest with Carlisle there. Considering he'd protected me from Jasper. I knew this was a little different, but not to me.

I looked up as Bella entered the room, Edward behind her with Renesmee in his arms. He must have gotten her from Jacob. I stayed as still as I could. Much like I did the first time I saw her, but it was still just as unsettling.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked, and I was a little surprised that she was talking to me. She hadn't tried talking to me yet since I'd been back. We'd been lucky enough to avoid each other, but maybe talking to her would make this feel less of a drastic change.

"Sure." I murmured, glancing to Emmett and Carlisle. They weren't going anywhere, but they didn't seem too concerned. Bella nodded, glancing to Edward as well, making sure he was close behind her. He offered her a supportive smile and a nod, Renesmee babbling quietly in his arms.

I watched as Bella sat stiffly in a chair across from me, deliberately slow. As if it was almost difficult to sit slowly. She sighed a little, probably trying to calm herself as much as I was trying to calm myself. I still saw that uncertainty in her, and I felt bad. I knew that feeling well.

"I know we haven't been very close.." She started, averting her eyes. Which I appreciated. Her gaze was only making me more nervous. "But.. I've heard more about you these last few days than I've ever known before. There was.. So much I didn't know before." Her tone was surprised as well. Like she didn't fully realize before just how much I had to me. I waited, not really knowing how to respond to that. "I'm a little embarrassed to say that I didn't understand you before. I didn't know just how much the family meant to you. It really wasn't any of my business before, I guess."

I kept my gaze down, staying quiet. I never realized before what kind of relationship I used to have with her. We weren't close, not by any margin, but I'd always felt a sort of connection with her. I never realized it before, but now that connection was gone. She'd been the only other human in the family. Realizing that now made me feel a little alone.

"I just wanted to tell you how strong I think you are." Bella continued. "And how sorry I am, for not knowing your full story before."

"It's not your fault." I mumbled. "I'm complicated." She smiled a little.

"I'm gathering that." She laughed quietly. "And I also wanted to apologize. For being the reason behind you having to be sent away." I looked down. "I'm sorry, Leandra. I never meant to come between you and where you were most comfortable."

"That's not your fault either." I replied. "I don't blame anybody for that. I'm glad, though, that you're okay."

"I'm just fine." She smiled again, nodding slightly. She paused, as if looking for the right words. "I'm still very sorry, though. So, I.." She trailed off for a second, looking to Edward. He nodded, encouraging her to continue. "I requested to be the one to tell you that I've been spending the last week getting used to your scent. As weird as that might sound to you," She laughed, and I did a little as well. "It means that you won't have to go anywhere again. You're never going to be sent away again because of me. I've sort of desensitized myself."

That was good to hear.

"So is it true?" I wondered. "Do I smell like the family?"

"You do." She laughed, finding that funny.

A rather loud noise from Renesmee took my attention briefly, and I smiled a little as Bella did the same. I'd had my moments of jealousy toward Renesmee, but at the same time, she really had her own place. Just like Bella had hers, and I had mine. I understood that now. Nothing had _really_ changed. Just shifted.

"There's no way you could have known." I shook my head, looking at Bella again. "I think Edward knows the most about me, but there's still so much he doesn't. I'm not that interesting."

"That's where you're wrong." Edward replied with a chuckle.

"So not that I'm not happy about it, but what made you wanna talk to me today?"

Bella sighed. "Well, since I heard they were considering turning you-"

"What?" I asked, surprised. That was news to me!

"During the worst of your fever." Edward clarified with a nod. "It was discussed briefly, that if things were to get any worse for you.. Well, we took a vote. It was surprisingly unanimous."

"What's that?" I asked, unsure.

"It means we _all_ agreed." Alice explained.

"Even Rose, which believe me, isn't an easy feat." Bella added with a smile.

Edward continued. "The situation was extremely uncertain, and none of us are willing to lose you. Not for a second, and not for any reason."

That made sense, but I still couldn't imagine it.

"All I needed was a little time." I pointed out.

Edward nodded. "Thank goodness."

"Well, I thought I'd get to be more comfortable with you." Bella finished in my silence. "You're such a huge part of this family." I appreciated that, but I was stuck.

"A stupid fever can't kill me, can it?" I frowned, looking up at Carlisle.

"It can." He replied sadly. "Should it have gotten high enough, many things could have gone wrong. You'd already reached a very dangerous temperature. Temperatures like that can cause seizures or a coma, which would eventually lead to death. Considering the fact that nothing we tried did much to bring it down, we weren't taking chances."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I wasn't bothered by that knowledge, though. Quite the contrary. I'd had an idea before that they would be willing, but to know it'd come close enough to need a vote really proved it. I was just stunned.

"You're a part of the family." Alice pointed out quietly, and I looked over at her. "We don't make those promises lightly, Leandra."

I couldn't help smiling a little. Why did that make me feel better? Having that confidence there. The fact that Rose was even for it surprised me. She was the one that told me all the reasons why I should stay human.

I nodded in response.

"If it means anything.." I mumbled. "If you have to turn me to save me, then that's what I want, but only if you have to. I don't wanna be lost, either, but I don't wanna be stuck eleven years old forever."

Carlisle nodded. He accepted that, no doubt appreciating my input.

I was glad that Bella had decided to talk to me. It put a lot of me at ease to see that she was still mostly herself. She just looked different, but it went deeper than that.

It eased me to see that even after such a huge change, it was possible to keep parts of herself. I just needed a little bit of hope that maybe I could keep parts of myself too. I might not have gone through a change like hers, but I was plenty different.

I was missing so much, and maybe I just needed a little bit of time to find those parts of me.

I sighed as deeply as I could, nodding. It made me feel better. Not physically, though. Just emotionally. Physically, I still felt like I'd been run over by a truck. The fever burning itself out had taken a lot of my energy, and I ached all over, but again. I had a lot to think about.

Something about that discussion made me question a lot more than it answered, though. Even fleetingly, did my past make me a very good person to turn into a vampire? Should someone like me really have that option?

That was a very loaded thought.

For the first time in a long time, bundled up as a precaution, I stood above everything in my tree house that afternoon. In the window room, just watching as far as I could see, out passed the river. Though I wasn't _that_ high up, the view still brought me a lot of peace.

I stood there to reflect. I needed to do inventory. I had a lot to catch up on. So much I hadn't been willing to think about yet. I felt like I was losing touch with where I'd come from. I wanted to get back to the promises I lived by. The things I'd tell myself during the long nights on my own. I needed to get back to that basic level, and I needed to do my part in repairing the holes still there.

What would I say if I were faced with four-year-old me? She was real, and I needed to pick her up, not push her down. Not blame her. _Never_ blame her again. I needed to stop turning away from her. To focus on _her_ , not on Jack or what he did.

I felt like that that was where I needed to start if I was ever going to find my steps again. I needed to go back and remember who I was, instead of mourning for someone I didn't know. Tear down my own walls, and rebuild it stronger with the things I knew now to fix that imbalance I was stuck with. I'd lost touch, but I wasn't giving up. I would find who I was supposed to be in the process.

I eventually sat, taking in the forest around me, but my mind was in the past.

I stayed up there long enough to see Jacob and Seth return to the house, but neither of them saw me. They just walked right by. I stayed up there long enough to see them leave again, about an hour later.

I stayed up there long enough to see the trees grow darker, evening chilling me like something was in it. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't ignore that darkest door. The things that, as of lately, had taken backseat to the present.

I'd had my rest. I needed to open that door again, but whatever was beyond it wouldn't break me again. I wasn't sure what had changed, but I felt more prepared to face those things now.

In my thoughts, I paused long enough to ask Edward to help them understand. I needed my space for now. These thoughts were thoughts I needed to have alone. I knew he'd done as I asked when I wasn't bothered when night completely fell.

I prepared for a long night.

 **A/N: I'm aware that this is filler, but I liked how it came out. I hope you enjoyed it as well. I apologize if this seems rushed. I think I'm doing a little better. Of course, I say that lightly.**  
 **THANK YOU to my loyal reviewers of last chapter! YOU have kept me going, even through my doubt. THANK YOU for your encouragement. It's meant a lot to me, more so lately than I think you know.**  
 **Chapter Eighteen will move us on. Despite how it may seem, I'm excited to get moving forward in this story. There's so much more ahead.**  
 **Until next chapter, guys. (:**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

I opened my eyes to the silence of the tree house. The only sound I heard beyond that silence were muffled songs of birds in the early morning.

When I got tired of sitting up, I moved to the other side of the tree house. The couch in the loft was more than comfortable enough, and the blanket kept me warm.

I laid there, listening to the birds while I remembered the dreams I'd had.

The dream I had was an odd mix. The blackness was mixed with an old memory. Several old memories at once. The first being when I was five. Kindergarten was a required grade for kids my age, and this memory was of sometime while I was at school.

I'd completely forgotten I'd done this.

The day I came home from my first day of school, Jack had burned my things. Most of my clothes, toys, blankets. But that created a different problem.

Starting school made me begin to see the imbalance of the kids at school, and me. It seemed like every day they had a new toy with them, or something new and pretty, so I did what any kid would do.

I started to steal things. I took things that never belonged to me.

Just small things. Pens or crayons, or little stuffed animals that could fit easily into my backpack. I'd take them, and quickly put them into my backpack before the other kid noticed it missing. I wasn't smart enough to realize back then that the teacher could see everything I did. I was finally caught one day, and on top of being embarrassed by her disappointment, she called my parents.

With a laughing promise to teach me a lesson, Jack took me home that day. If the humiliation and guilt wasn't enough, I was locked in my room for the entire weekend. No food or water. Not even a bathroom break, but I had to go somewhere. I was, of course, beaten for that when Jack found out, but I couldn't help it.

The next memory was of a time when I was seven. Again, at school. A new girl had just moved to town, and she was one of the ones that attempted to talk to me. She seemed nice enough, but I really wasn't looking for any friends. I was a lonely kid, but I never considered the fact that I could have friends. I felt so different by then, I didn't want any part of them.

I didn't trust anyone but myself by that time in my life, and all I saw was someone who couldn't mind their own business. So I did what any kid like me would do. I told her to leave me alone, or I'd punch her face in. She later joined Rachel's herd of friends.

The next memory, for once, was one more recent. I was nine years old in this one, and it was the day of the field trip. The day my life changed, but this memory was different. For the first time, the memory itself had changed. It wasn't the same memory, but it _felt_ just as real as any other memory. There was no distinction. It took me a moment to realize that I was seeing the other direction that day could have gone.

This time, I had stayed home.

The day had started like it did, but instead of leaving the house with the cigarette like I had, I turned right back around and went back into my room. I never went to school that day, and I never met Carlisle. I never fought with Rachel, and I never got into any trouble.

It was so real to me, it was difficult to realize it was a dream.

In this dream, Jack got home right around the time he usually did, and life went on like it always had. Time passed, and life went on the same it always did. Years passed, and by the time I was the age I was now, I was only worse. My mom had died months before, so it was only Jack and I living together now.

Of course, I'd cried over losing her, but that was beaten out of me also.

In this dream, I only made it a few days passed my thirteenth birthday. In this dream, Jack had taken things way too far, and I felt the pain of that as if I'd actually experienced it. He'd broken too many things in me, and death was slow.

I'd woken up just as I felt my heart beat for the last time, but now that I was awake, I realized how fast my heart actually beat. I gasped for breath, actually surprised it hadn't been real.

It took me several long minutes of laying there to realize what that had been. I'd seen the other side of the decision, and I didn't like what I'd seen. I was suddenly overwhelmingly grateful to have made the right choice that morning.

Going to school, despite the intense, blinding pain I was in had been the right choice.

By the time I finally went back into the house, I felt a lot better, but that dream stuck with me. It was proving hard to shake off. It didn't bother me in a way I expected, though. It was different.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Esme asked as I found my way into the living room. I still felt tired, but my head didn't ache. I sighed as I settled into the open space beside her in the chair. She greeted me by wrapping me in her arm. I would really hate the day that I was too big to do this.

"I'm sorry I stayed out there so long." I mumbled, looking over at her.

"Don't be, honey." She smiled sadly. "We understand. Sometimes a bit of space is needed." I nodded with a yawn. "Did it help you?"

"I think so." I sighed. "I think I get it a little better now. A lot more makes sense, I mean." I decided against telling her about my dream. I didn't feel like I needed to.

"Were you warm enough out there?" She asked, clearly concerned as she smoothed my forehead.

"I was fine." I assured her. "I don't think my fever will come back." We were quiet for a moment. It was a comfortable silence. It'd felt like forever since I'd sat with Esme like this. Waking me up or comforting me out of a nightmare was different. This was calm.

"You've been having such a hard time lately." She finally sighed, and again, I looked up at her. "I would give anything to help you through it."

My heart broke a little. I felt so bad for making her feel like that.

"This is good." I replied, reaching up and hugging her arm. "I think I was a little jealous of Renesmee at first."

"It's only natural." She murmured gently. "You felt like your place was threatened."

"Not just that." I mumbled, tracing the flower pattern on her sleeve. "But because I knew that she'll always have one thing above me."

"What would that be?" She asked, lightly curious.

"She got to be born into this family." I answered quietly. She didn't reply at first, but I felt her look down at me.

"Honey, you are and will always be just as loved and protected." She hugged me tighter. "Though I do wish you'd been ours from the start, just to have spared you from the horrible things you've seen, you are _so_ completely loved just the way you are."

I closed my eyes, deciding to just appreciate the moment.

"Leandra?" I looked over as Carlisle walked into the room. "I just received word from your father."

"Is he okay?" I had to ask.

"They're all fine." He assured me, sitting down. "He's requesting a day with you. If you're okay with it, he'll pick you up tomorrow morning."

That surprised me. They'd been quiet.

"Okay." I agreed quietly. That puzzled me, but knowing my dad, that wasn't so weird.

He picked me up just before eleven the following morning. He got to meet Renesmee, and he had a brief conversation with Carlisle before leading me to his car.

I wasn't bothered by it. It wasn't about trust anymore. I found I was still pretty okay with spending time with him. The plan was lunch and conversation. Nothing too stressful. I could deal with that.

It was silent as we left the house behind. He kept looking over at me like I was fascinating to him. I wasn't even sure where to start. So much had changed since I'd last seen him. Apparently, he'd been pretty busy between the new house and setting up everything at work, but I only had to wonder what prompted this little date for a few minutes.

"I'm so glad you're okay." He sighed, ending the silence and I looked over at him from the passenger seat. "I only wish I'd been told about what happened sooner."

"I'm fine." I assured him.

"I know I've been pretty busy, but I should have checked in more often." He shook his head. "Did they catch the guy that caused it?" The fire.

"I don't think so." I admitted. "But they're still looking."

"I just don't understand why anyone would do something like that." He sounded agitated.

"Me either." My voice was quiet. I didn't like talking about things I didn't have an answer to. He clearly didn't either, because he let it drop. It was silent for another minute.

"Your hair is shorter." He laughed, glancing over at me. I smiled a little and nodded. "I'm so used to your long hair."

"Me too." I replied. "I don't ever remember having short hair."

"I think it's nice." He smiled as well. "It makes you look older."

"Thanks." I laughed.

I could tell that there was so much he wanted to say, but I could also tell he held back because he felt like it wasn't his place. The longer he stayed away, the further we got, and I knew that was part of the reason why he wanted to move back here in the first place. I felt that too.

So he sat silently, and so did I. He took me to Port Angeles, as if he hadn't learned his lesson there. He probably knew I had no reason to run. I was right where I wanted to be, so I really wasn't a flight risk.

He chose a smaller restaurant on the west side of town, and it was just starting to drizzle rain outside. The evidence in the air as I stood from the car. Pulling my jacket closed tighter around me.

"Baby, I think we need to talk." He finally spoke once we were seated inside.

"About?" I asked hesitantly.

"You're more beautiful every time I see you." He started, and I chose then to find the top of the table fascinating. "You're really growing up. Something I never thought I'd get to see. The older you get, the more I see your mother in you, and you know I only want the best for you."

"I know." I nodded a little.

"I guess what I'm asking is to just know for sure that you have enough guidance." He said. "The right influences."

I frowned a little.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"I'm not questioning their ability to raise you." He replied evenly. "But.. It seems to be a habit of theirs to pair everyone up."

"And you think.." I was slowly understanding.

"All I mean, is I just want to be sure you have a good role model in your life." He assured me. "I really don't want you to feel like you have to-"

"They don't make me feel like I have to do anything." I frowned even more. I was fuming, but the stupid waitress showed up.

I pointed to the first thing I saw on the menu, taking the rest of the time to think about a reply. I was stunned, and I had no idea where this might have been coming from. Yeah, everyone was paired up, but that was only because they'd found their other halves.

There was no Alice without Jasper. No Emmett without Rose, or Carlisle without Esme. How was I supposed to explain that to someone who couldn't possibly understand? I only understood it because they were my family. I didn't have the words.

"My whole family is my role model." I told him firmly as soon as the waitress walked away. "They don't pair everyone up. They found each other."

"I don't know." He shook his head. "It seems like-"

"I don't care what it seems like." I snapped.

"I just don't want to see you pregnant at eighteen." He finally said, leaning back. "It was hard enough raising a baby when we were in our twenties."

"I'll never get pregnant." I replied coldly. "Don't even worry."

"You say that now." He stressed lightly. "But you'll change your mind. I'm not trying to-"

"Well, you did." I cut him off again. "And you didn't raise me, remember?"

"More than you know." He countered. "But I think-"

"I already know what you think." I muttered. I stood up.

"Where are you going?" He asked, surprised.

"Bathroom." I replied, walking away. I felt him watching after me, even after I rounded the corner.

I followed the sign to the little hall holding the bathrooms. At the end of this little hall, I noticed a back door propped open. It led outside into the rain and the back of the restaurant.

I was mad, but not mad enough. I wasn't intending to leave, so I shook my head, pushed open and stepped through the correct door.

I crossed the room to the row of three sinks. Taking a deep breath, I tried to soothe the anger by staring out the window.

I had to wonder, though, how long this had been bugging him. I hated that he tried to ruin what I had, but maybe that wasn't his real intent. I couldn't get mad at everyone that questioned what was right in front of them. Not when they didn't know the whole story.

I returned to the table.

"I get that it's not what you're used to." I spoke before I was even fully seated. "But just because it's different to you doesn't mean it's wrong. There's a lot about them that you don't know."

"I'm starting to see that." He nodded. The waitress chose that time to arrive again, irritating me. I grit my teeth, and bit back a reply. Looking down at the table, and the drink being set in front of me.

"Sorry." I sighed when she left again. "I get mad when people bring them up that way. The only reason they're paired like they are is because they found who they wanna be with. It's not some goal of theirs. More like luck."

He nodded again, and I could see he understood a little better.

"I'm sorry too." He replied. "I never meant to second guess any of them. I'm just a bit protective of you."

"I still mean it, though. I'll never have kids."

"Part of me wants to ask why, but I think I can imagine why." He smiled sadly.

"Someone like me shouldn't be raising kids." I pointed out.

"Baby, the way you are, it's not set in stone." He said.

"Maybe not." I shook my head. "But it's how it is. I'm not gonna change my mind so might as well stop talking about it."

"Your mom was like that too." He pointed out, and I looked up. "She swore the same thing."

"Really?" I asked, curious.

He nodded. "I wanted kids, she still wasn't so sure."

"But then I happened." I muttered, disheartened. "Look how that went."

He seemed like he wanted to say something, but he sighed instead.

"What?" I pressed, noticing that he was holding something back. I studied him closely while I went over what we'd just said to each other. Examining it for clues to what he'd wanted to say.

"Let's just say.." He mused before I could think too much. "It didn't begin with you."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"There are so many things you don't know." He sighed, smiling sadly. "Things I wish I could tell you, but it's not my place alone. It didn't start with you. She had her share of problems long before you came into the world, baby."

That wasn't it. He just didn't get that he couldn't satisfy me with half-truths. There was still something he wasn't telling me.

"What else?" I asked quietly. He kept his expression even for several seconds. I tried to read his expression, but he kept it hidden. He looked down first, which told me I was right.

"If I tell you, you have to promise me." His voice was quieter. "There's no way I can ask you to be understanding, but I have to. She was young, and so was I."

"Okay.." I mumbled, unsure.

"You.." He sighed, hesitating. "You weren't the first."

"You said that already."

"You weren't our first baby." He clarified, and I froze. It took me a second to really understand what he was saying, and he chose to use that second to continue. "Your mom was sixteen. I was eighteen."

"So.."

"There are laws against that sort of thing." He explained. "Her aunt was so mad at me. She swore if she didn't arrange adoption for the baby, she'd use that law against me to the fullest."

I was so stunned. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was saying I had a full-blooded sibling out there somewhere?

"W-What.." I was breathless. "Wait, _what_? When? Where.."

"Your mom's brother took the baby in." He answered my questions calmly. Gently. "He was kept in the family, but Brian was a little better equipped to handle raising a child. We-"

"He?" It was a brother.

"We didn't want to interfere." He went on. "So it was a closed adoption."

"She's seen him." I understood, looking up. "She spent awhile with her brother.. Is that why she went there?"

"Possibly." He sighed. "She shouldn't have, but.. Since when has she ever done things by the book? We swore when you were born that we'd tell you someday when you were old enough to understand. I just wasn't expecting that day to come so soon."

"Is that what this is about? Is _that_ why you think I'm _stupid_ enough to get pregnant at sixteen?" I snapped, surprising myself. "Because mom was?"

"No, that's-"

"Save it." I grumbled, looking down. "I'm not like her."

He was quiet. I felt him watching me, probably waiting for my real reaction to news this heavy. That he thought so low of me actually hurt, but I also had a lot to think about now. I wasn't sure how I would tell my family about it. Not that it would change anything. It wouldn't change anything, so why bother bringing it up? Should it matter more than I thought it should? It was a big deal to me.

"I didn't want to know this." I finally snapped, leaning back in my seat. "What does it matter if I have a brother out there somewhere? Why?"

"I know how confusing this must be." He replied gently. "If you wanted to meet him, I'm sure-"

"Why would I wanna meet him?" I asked incredulously. "You guys didn't want him either."

"That's not true." He immediately countered. "We were-"

"Stupid." I finished for him. "You both were stupid and never should have had kids. That's why I won't ever find a reason in the world good enough to have them. All it does is ruin people's lives." I stood up. "I'm not very hungry."

He sighed heavily, watching me walk away. I hadn't been intending to leave, but I sure was now. I decided to wait at the car. Storming outside into the drizzling rain, I tried so hard to calm down. It happened so long ago, and that's the part he was asking me to understand.

I rounded the other side of the car, my back to the restaurant when something caught my eye just inside the trees along the edge of the parking lot. It was just a little bit of movement, but I looked up sharply.

I smiled a little as I recognized the stranger standing there, completely forgetting for a second that I was pissed off. He smiled as well, and nodded, gesturing me to follow him before he turned and walked into the shadows between the trees. I assumed I had a few minutes before my dad would even bother coming to look for me, so I took a walk. Right into the trees.

It was a pretty shallow group of trees, but it gave enough coverage. It was easy to follow the stranger. I spotted him easily where he leaned against a tree. I still recognized him from that day in the woods. It seemed like awhile ago, so it was pretty nice to see him.

His smile matched mine.

"I thought we agreed no more trips on your own?" He inquired, only curious. His voice was smoother, more even than I remembered. His eyes just as open, but also just as crimson as I remembered. In the limited space, he was closer.

"I never agreed to that." I pointed out. "What are you doing back?" I was curious as well.

"Passing through." He replied. "I thought I'd take a peek."

"Why?" I couldn't help wondering. He shrugged gently. I waited, though. I wanted to know.

"I'm not sure, to be honest." He laughed. "I mostly just wanted to see that you were okay. After the fire that night-"

"How long have you been around?" I asked, surprised.

"Long enough to take out the guy that did it."

"You saw who it was?"

"Only after it was started." He replied apologetically. "Fire is kind of a weakness of mine, so I try to avoid it, so I couldn't exactly run in there and save everyone myself, but I saw you get out and I knew I probably shouldn't stick around."

"And you caught the guy that did it?"

"It wasn't hard." He assured me with a small smile.

"I-I mean.. Thank you, I guess, but.. Why?"

"Call it another favor." He answered, but he sighed. "I used to have a sister your age. I miss her more than anything, so I feel a little protective of you, I guess."

That explained it.

"And you're not allowed to see her anymore." I understood.

"For obvious reasons, no." He smirked a little.

"But have you been around here since the night of the fire?" I asked. "That was weeks ago."

"Here and there." He replied vaguely. "Are you? Okay, I mean?"

"I'm okay now." I answered. "How come you don't know that if you've been around?"

"I wasn't about to go any closer to your family's territory. That would be stupid."

I laughed a little, just imagining the amount of freak-out.

"Well, thank you." I said again, sitting down on the thin fallen tree behind me. "I'm okay now. Do I get to know your name yet?" He smirked.

"Is that really wise, Leandra?" He asked, and I glared. He'd heard my name.

"Cheater."

"It's not my fault." He replied defensively. "But I'll tell you what. I'll tell you my name, if you tell me who you're with, and why you were so mad at him."

I looked down.

"Well, that's not really that fair, is it?" I countered. "Why would I tell that to stranger?"

"Is that what I am?" He was amused now. "Am I a stranger?" I'd never met anyone that made me think this way. Not in a bad way, but he was very interesting. The way he turned things around fascinated me in just the right way.

"Um.. Yeah.." I replied pointedly, but I looked at him again. I couldn't deny that I was seeing that something else there once again. The same something else that made me look so closely the first time I met him. I couldn't identify it, but it kept me looking.

"I don't know." I finally corrected myself, and he smiled again. I looked back down as soon as I could, ignoring the frustrating blush I felt across my face. I looked back up defiantly. "And can you really tell me you don't know who he is?"

"There is some resemblance." He noted, and it was my turn to smirk a little.

"He's my birth dad." I said, and he understood. "One of the things he wanted when I chose to stay with my family is time with me. If I agreed to that, he would sign away his rights. Long story."

He nodded. "I vaguely remember how complicated human families can be."

"I'm not really _mad_ at him." I continued. "I'm just.. Okay, so I was a little pissed off, but that was just because he told me something I didn't need to know."

"Well, why not?" He asked. "Why didn't you need to hear that you have a brother?" I wasn't surprised that he'd heard that part.

"I went my whole life thinking I was an only child." I replied with a shrug. "I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing I have a stupid brother. I don't need another brother. I dunno why knowing now would bug me so much."

He nodded again, understanding further.

"Want my advice?" He asked after a moment, and I waited, watching him. He spoke again, gentler this time. "At least meet him. It isn't fair to judge someone before even knowing them. I know I'd want to know if I had a little sister out there somewhere."

"He probably doesn't even know about me." I pointed out.

"So change that." He said. "I mean, your dad just pretty much gave you permission to let that cat out of the bag. Why not use it?"

I shrugged once more, and he smiled a little.

"My name is Mikah." He admitted, taking pity on me, and I nodded.

"Thanks." I sighed, looking down. I felt grateful to finally know his name, but I had a lot weighing on me. He watched me for a few silent seconds.

"I'm really not here to hurt you."

"I know that." I replied, surprising myself as I looked back up. "I can tell."

"Then what is it?" He asked. "Do I bother you?"

"No."

"Are you afraid of me?"

"No." I repeated. "Should I be? Just because you hunt humans?"

"Most humans would be uncomfortable with my diet, yes."

"I'm not like most humans." I reminded him, folding my hands in front of me. "Just ask my family."

He laughed. "Now that's a challenge I won't take."

"You don't have to be scared of them." I finally told him. That had been a thing before, too. "They're not like other vampires, either."

"Clearly." He lightly gestured to me. "But that's really not a risk I'm willing to take right now."

"You already said you're not here to hurt me." I pointed out. "So they'd have no reason to kill you. Definitely not after they hear you caught the guy that tried to kill me."

"I didn't do it for any recognition, princess." He smiled, so I knew the title was one of endearment and he wasn't trying to be condescending.

"Then why?" I wondered quietly. "I get you feel protective, but why wouldn't you want anyone else to know?"

"Anyone that would intentionally harm a child, let alone three, doesn't deserve another breath." He crouched. "I had a few younger siblings, and I was very protective of them when I was human. Call it instinct."

"I'm not a child." I muttered, and he smiled again.

"Of course not." He replied. "I'm sorry."

"You had a big family." I noted, and he nodded, but he didn't seem to want to explain any. I was okay with that. I wasn't looking for his life story.

"Well, can _I_ tell my family what you did?" I asked. "Just so they know they won't find anything."

"I don't see why you shouldn't." He replied easily. "I'm not asking you to keep secrets." I nodded. "I am glad that you're okay, though. I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to see you sooner."

"I've been home this whole time." I waved it off. "You know you're probably gonna have to meet them sooner or later if you keep coming back here."

"I know. I'd just like them to know that I'm not a threat first."

"And talking to me is the best way to do that?" I guessed. He was quiet, though. He studied me instead of replying, and I couldn't help wondering what he was looking for. He finally stood up with a sigh.

"As much fun as this is, you should probably get back." He said. "Your absence has been noted."

That disappointed me.

" _Will_ I see you again?" I asked, that disappointment coming through clearly in my voice. I didn't want him to leave.

"I'm not sure." He replied thoughtfully. "I came back to see you a second time, didn't I?"

That was true.

"Maybe some day." He added with another smile. "Have a good night, princess."

With that, he walked away. Not quickly darting away, but he walked right passed me, toward the darker part of the woods we stood in. I watched, my eyes stuck on him as I turned on the spot. He glanced back at me from the shadows there, and I could just see his warm smile before I blinked at a subtle, silent breeze and he was gone.

A second later, before I could fully register that Mikah was gone, I heard my dad's voice back the way I'd come.

"Leandra?" He called.

"Yeah." I called back on reflex, startling myself out of whatever daze I was in. "Here."

"What are you doing out here?" I heard his voice coming closer.

"I-Um.." My mind was moving too slowly. I felt confused, but I shook my head. "I wanted to take a walk, to calm down, and I thought I saw something."

"It's probably not a good idea to follow things around out here." He laughed, reaching my side. "I'm sure there are skunks living somewhere around here."

"Or bears." I looked around myself. As accustomed as I was to seeing them move that quickly, the way Mikah had gone had really affected me.

"Really." His smile faded a little in concern as he looked at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I did my best to be convincing, but that included leading the way back toward the parking lot. Walking helped.

We really weren't in the trees very far, so I found myself back beside the car in no time. He unlocked the doors with a heavy sigh and I climbed in first.

"Leandra, I didn't mean to upset you." He spoke as soon as he was seated. "I wasn't implying that you were anything like your mother. I only wanted you to know that I'm paying attention."

"I'm not mad about that anymore." I grumbled, looking out the window. He hesitated.

"If you have any questions, I'd-"

"I don't." I snapped. "Shut up about it."

I was being mean, but in my defense, I was uncomfortable with talking about it. I didn't want to know anything about him. I just wanted to get back home. Back to normal.

"Give it some thought." He seemed to understand my mood. "His name is Nicholas."

I didn't reply at first, taking a deep breath.

"How old is he?" I asked quietly. Keeping my eyes out the window.

"He turned sixteen in August." He answered calmly. "The adoption was closed, so I don't know much, but I wouldn't doubt your mom knows more."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We didn't want to upset you." He replied. "You were way too young to understand when your mom and I were together. You would have only been confused, and later.. Well, it's not something I wanted to just drop on you like this."

I was quiet again, watching the scenery out the window. It was so hard to wrap my head around this, but again, I knew it wouldn't change anything.

"Is it bad.." I mumbled. "That I wish you'd have given me away too?"

He glanced over at me.

"No." He finally replied. "It's not. It's only as bad as me wishing your mother had given you away too." I understood what he meant. "Maybe if she had, you would have had a childhood you could happily look back on."

I sighed, but I was even more sure. This wouldn't change anything. Knowing now didn't magically make room for a brother I had never known existed before.

"I guess I need to see mom now. I know right where to find her." I muttered, and he didn't reply. It was a little surprising that she would go there to see him. Especially right after losing me again. What was she hoping to accomplish? I had no clue, but I would find out.

My mind wandered the rest of the drive. His name was Mikah. I didn't really know why that mattered, but I was glad to know it now.

I missed him already. It was the strangest feeling, fighting the smile off my face just thinking about him. My dad noticed, but he didn't ask despite how curious I knew he was. I felt stupid, but it didn't matter.

It'd been awhile since I felt that light, and I realized that that was what I liked the most about him. Even the first time I met him, he gave me that feeling. It was subtle, but I saw something in him. It was so different, but felt familiar.

I really hoped I'd see him again, even as I walked in once I was dropped off, and spotted Edward standing there. Not surprisingly, his attention was on me the second I walked through the door, but I didn't care. I wasn't trying to hide anything, but that only seemed to help.

I drifted to a stop by the couch, the room silent despite its many occupants.

I stood across the room, watching him. Edward watched me in return, much to Carlisle's curiosity. I read the questions in Edward's expressions, and answered silently the best I could. I made sure Edward knew that my current preoccupation wasn't a threat to me.

I recalled for him our entire conversation, emphasizing how kind he was to me, and that seemed to be all he was looking for. He gave me a slow nod. I knew it'd probably be brought up later, but for right then, I wasn't being interrogated.

"Should we know what that was about?" Emmett asked, mildly curious. He'd noticed too.

"No." I answered, looking over.

"It isn't anything to worry about right now." Edward answered as well. Thankfully, he seemed satisfied with that answer.

Life from there was pretty uneventful.

A month had passed, and we waited. I couldn't believe how stubborn this cold was. Even with the help of the antibiotics, it was iffy. I had inhaled a lot of smoke that night. Maybe there was some something in there I wasn't supposed to breathe? I really didn't know.

The dream, or vision, stayed black. When I did have it, which was varying in frequency, there wasn't a single shred of usable information in there, but despite that, it continued to try. I hated my nights again.

I was on my fourth day straight, and the worry had become almost debilitating. The dread, along with the blackness as I slept was almost too much for me to deal with. I'd been strongly urged to open up more, but so far, I shied away from that.

Around the blackness, my memories continued to plague my sleep and almost every waking moment of my life. Thoughts I knew I shouldn't have been having were beating me down daily, constantly there despite my efforts. Thoughts anyone would be concerned about. Memories, worse memories, and a lot of self-hatred.

Between these thoughts, there was no room to think about what I'd learned from my dad weeks before, but it had crossed my mind once or twice. Edward never said anything, so I would rather believe he wasn't aware.

With no warning, I was sliding again.

I was hiding it again, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with it. Hide it the best I could, and fall to pieces where no one could see. Between the two sleep disturbances, I wasn't sleeping the way I used to anymore. I was back to where I was at the end of the summer, only this time, I was able to stay in my room for more than five seconds at a time.

I'd only come full circle, and that fact wasn't lost on the family. Especially now that Edward was around more often.

I was jumpy, I was emotional. Constantly tense. I had to admit, it finally sucked knowing he was seeing everything on a more personal level. I wasn't used to him being around so often, so a lot of the thoughts I usually hid around him didn't stay hidden long enough to keep him from seeing them.

Edward had taken me aside. Cornering me in the hallway outside my room after days on end of me fighting to get out from under whatever this was.

"Stop hiding it." He insisted, and I only closed my eyes. Shaking my head as I went to walk away. He caught me gently, but firmly, turning me back around. "I mean it. Leandra, you can't keep doing this."

"I'm doing the best I can." I replied quietly. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is." I couldn't handle more yet.

"It doesn't have to be." He almost plead. "Honestly, I don't know how Jasper has managed to go so long without insisting you talk to someone. The mental weight alone is crushing. How must that _feel?_ "

"He knows pressuring me won't help." I crossed my arms insecurely over my chest. Seriously. How did he not get this by now? "He knows me enough to know that it's better to let me hide it."

"All you're doing by hiding it, is hurting yourself." He insisted again. "Believe me. If someone doesn't pressure you, you won't speak anyway. So please. Tell me what we're supposed to do about it."

"It's the only way I know how." I told him firmly. "I'm not asking anyone to do anything about anything."

"I know you're not." He countered. "That's the problem. You _need_ to be asking."

"I'm asking you to stay out of it." He was really pressing my patience.

"And I'm asking you, Leandra, to speak up before I do." He responded. "I've tried to mind my own business, but honestly, your thoughts are the loudest I've ever heard. I can't keep enduring this."

"Then _leave_ when it gets too loud."

"I'm not trying to fight with you." He said. "But I'm not backing down."

"What happened to staying out of it like Rosalie said?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. I wasn't happy with this conversation.

"To tell you the truth," He replied incredulously. "Your memories are worse than hers were. By far. Your thoughts are ten times worse than I've ever seen from her. There is only so much I can take sitting down. The things you've endured-"

"Don't even remind me." I glared. "You don't have to remind me, because I was there. They're my thoughts, Edward. I'll do whatever I want to about them. It's worked this long."

"I would gladly step back if that was true." He countered. "But I see exactly what it's doing to you, and I'm telling you that whatever you think you're doing is _not_ working."

"Stay _out_ of it." I snapped, finally spinning and heading for the living room.

"Keeping it in is only making you bitter." He called after me. "I mean it, Leandra. I will say something if you choose not to." I pretended not to hear him. He knew better, but he dropped it anyway. For the time being.

Thoughts about Mikah was one thing, but thoughts like this were much different. I wished so much I could choose which things he could see, but it didn't work like that. The more I'd try to hide something, the more he'd see, _and_ he'd see my effort to hide it.

That was yesterday. Since that talk, I was no closer to telling anyone than I was before he said anything. Nobody needed that. I was so tired.

Bringing myself back to the moment, I sighed. I sat there staring at the untouched lunch sitting in front of me.

Carlisle had gone into work that day, probably to prove to the hospital that he was still alive. I really didn't like that, but I had no say in it. He'd always been around when I needed him, but now he was in town. It was hardly noon, and I was already edgy.

"He'll be home later, honey." Esme understood, but it really didn't help. I knew he'd be home later. I'd known he'd be home later before he even left, and it didn't help then either.

I looked over as Rosalie stepped into the kitchen with Renesmee in her arm.

Renesmee had been born a little more than a month and a half ago, and she already looked a few years old. She was the size of a human three year old, and didn't show any signs of her growth slowing.

I still didn't mind her much. She could talk now, but still chose her gift as a way of communicating. More often than not, she didn't have to say a word to get her point across. She'd gotten good at that.

I had to wonder, though. How was she doing that? Yeah, she was half vampire, but how was she mastering her gift so much easier than I was? Mine was pretty complicated, and hers pretty straightforward. I comforted myself with that thought.

"Why does it even matter?" I asked. "He didn't have to go." I offered Renesmee a strawberry from my bowl, and unsurprisingly, she turned away from it with a face.

"We need to maintain the connections we have here." Esme explained.

"I _know_." I grumbled, dropping the strawberry back into the bowl. "But it sucks."

I wasn't surprised anymore to see Jacob walking into the kitchen as well, but today, Seth was a pleasant surprise. He greeted me with a smile, but I was too bummed to return it.

I sighed, looking at Esme. "I'm not that hungry. Can I go outside?"

She forced a sad, understanding smile before she nodded. I forced a small, grateful smile and I stood up. I left the kitchen, passing right by Seth.

I wasn't surprised when he followed me.

"Hey, wait." Seth called, and I slowed to let him catch up, sighing a little. He was okay company, so I didn't mind when he trailed along with me out the side door. Down the steps, toward the back of the house.

"So.. You don't like it when Carlisle is gone?" He finally asked as we approached my tree house. I shook my head. He must have overheard.

"It's not like this is anything new, though." I explained. "It's harder to be away from him after he's been staying home a lot."

"Hey, don't be embarrassed." He said. "I get why it bugs you."

"Anyone else can leave, and I wouldn't mind it so much." I replied. "But Carlisle leaves, I hate it."

"I'll keep you company." Seth told me, smiling.

"Again?" I smirked a little, reaching for the climbing rope. "It's not like I don't have anyone to keep me company anymore. There's always Emmett, or Jasper and Alice. They've been wanting to work with me a little, but I've been avoiding it. I guess I just got used to Carlisle being around all the time."

I jumped up, gripping onto the rope. I didn't climb it very high, just holding myself up there. It was enough to counter my nervous energy.

"Why have you been avoiding working with Alice?" He asked. "She knows what you're all about." I liked talking with Seth. He seemed so interested in what I had to say. He asked genuine questions, and listened intently.

"I know." I allowed, shrugging a little. "It's just.. Weird. I don't mind it so much anymore, my gift, but it's.." I struggled to find the right way to describe it. I sighed again. "Okay. You've been around when I try to sleep at night, right?"

"And you wake up terrified?"

"Right." I said. "That doesn't go away during the day. That stays. As the day goes on, it starts to become tolerable, until I sleep again. Then it starts right up again. Some nights I dream about it, sometimes I don't, and I never know when it's going to show up again."

"And you still don't know what it's about?"

"I don't." I admitted regrettably. "Not a single damn thing. All I know, is that it scares me. More than anything I've ever been through. And it never eases up. Like I don't get used to it. Every time I dream about it, it scares me just as much as when I first dreamed about it."

"Has Edward been able to see anything?" Seth asked, offering suggestions. "While you sleep?"

"Nothing." I replied. "All he sees is what I wake up seeing. There's nothing there to see, like I'm not really thinking about it. He thinks it's because it's nothing I'm doing consciously."

"But can't he see Alice's visions?" He seemed confused by that too.

"I'm not really surprised by anything different anymore." I replied. "I think my gift is more different than we thought at first. So far, nothing's really the same as she thought it would be, except for what we can do."

"Hmm." He hummed in thought. Frowning.

"Maybe I'm just being selfish." I muttered, dropping down off the rope. He looked down at me while I inspected my hands.

"Selfish?" He asked, confused.

"I feel like I'm being selfish, because I don't want to see whatever it is." I admitted sadly. "I'm already so scared, and if I work with Alice on trying to strengthen this gift, I know I'll get it easier this time. I'll wind up seeing it. I guess you could say that I'm trying to hide from that vision as long as I can."

"I can understand that." He nodded.

"So do they." I said. "That's why they haven't pressured me. I'm afraid of what I'll see, but.."

"How is that selfish?"

"Because I know that whatever I'm trying to see.. They need to know it." I replied. "It would only help them to know whatever it is, but I'm too scared to look for it."

"Leandra, you're a kid." He reminded me.

"So?" I asked. "I should be doing everything I can to help them, but I'm _not_."

"So." He countered. "They know that too. You're not solely responsible for the safety of the entire family. They're protecting you, not the other way around. If whatever it is is bad enough, I'm sure they'll catch on in time. Carlisle's been around a long time. He'd never let anything happen to his family."

I took a deep breath.

"Least of all his daughter." He added quietly, and I sighed.

"I know." I nodded. I knew he was right, and I wanted so badly to take some comfort in that.

"Is that why it bothers you when he's gone?" He asked, and I hesitated. I wasn't sure how to answer at first.

"Yes, and no." I finally said. "I mean, yes, but that's not the only reason."

"What else?"

Instead of answering right away, I turned and moved for the tree house staircase. I expected him to follow, so I glanced back at him as I made it up the stairs and walked into the loft room.

"It takes a lot for someone like me to trust anyone." I explained as soon as he flopped down into a bean bag chair. I chose one across from him. "I can't even tell you how hard I've worked to learn how, but I know. As hard as I've worked to learn how, Carlisle's worked a thousand times harder to teach me how. He's worked harder than anyone, even when he didn't have to."

He smiled sadly, listening intently.

"When I first met him.." I mumbled, looking at my hands clasping absentmindedly. "If I had met him on any other day, he never would have gotten a word from me. If I hadn't met him exactly when I met him, I never would have said anything. Because he met me exactly when he did, there was an opening. A way through to me that nobody else could get through."

I thought back to that day.

"Not Alice, or even Edward." I went on. "I was afraid of Carlisle at first, but when I was sitting there and I saw how much he wanted to help me, I.. I don't know. That's when I budged. I finally wanted to be helped, and he was the one that helped me get there. It was like he knew how much I was risking. When he's gone, I feel.. Not exactly unsafe, because I know I'm safe, but.."

"You trust him most." He understood. "He knows how important your trust is. After.. _How_ long of having nobody there." I nodded.

"I hate letting him down."

"You're not." He assured me. "I really don't think there is a way you _could_." I glanced up. "If you could hear the way he talks about you, you'd understand. He admires you _so_ much, more than everyone, just for being who you are."

"I've made him mad before." I pointed out.

"What kid doesn't bug their parents?" He countered, and I smirked a little. "There's a difference in disappointing him a little and letting him down."

"Not to me."

"Then you need to learn to be more forgiving." He replied. "Because like it or not, you're part of this family. You have your part, they have theirs, but when all those parts come together, nothing in the world is stronger."

I hadn't thought about it like that before. I'd been putting so much pressure on myself, it seemed so divided.

We were quiet for another minute, before he spoke again.

"Think it could be that bad? That vision?" He asked, and his tone wasn't doubting. Just curious.

"Alice thinks I see everything at once." I explained quietly. "We don't know much about my gift yet. We're just learning as we go."

"That's pretty much all you can do." He agreed sadly. "I'm sorry this is so tough on you, Leandra."

"Me too." I mumbled. "It's not bothering me so much right now, though. Mostly, it's just Carlisle being gone."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about that." He tried to comfort me. "You're just a daddy's girl."

I paused, my mood instantly dropping. My stomach with it. I hated that term with a blazing passion. I always had. The first time I remembered it being used to describe me, it came from Jack. I could really do without ever hearing it again.

"Fair warning," I managed to tell him quietly. "Don't tell me that again, or I swear I will punch you as hard as I can."

Hearing the change in my tone, he frowned. "Why? What's wrong with being a-" He cut off at a look from me. " _That_."

"I don't like being called that." I admitted quietly.

"I didn't mean to offend you." He responded. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I'm sorry. Why does it bother you so much?"

I was quiet for a minute, letting myself calm down a little bit. He waited, not asking again. Probably in case I chose not to answer. He was pretty cool that way.

Instead of answering, though, I just shrugged and stood up. Stepping out onto the deck. It wasn't a very spacious one, but it did what I needed it to do. It provided me with fresh air.

"Another long story?" He guessed, following me, and I nodded. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean-"

"I know." I sighed. "It's okay. Just _don't_ bring it up again. Ever." He nodded, which I did as well.

"You know, I don't think anyone's told you yet." He pointed out. "You've been doing so good controlling your anger."

I blinked in surprise, as it suddenly occurred to me. He was right. I hadn't stopped to consider that, but lately, whenever I'd be tempted to hit someone, I held it back. Even more, I didn't even stay mad at them for very long.

"You noticed?" I asked, curious.

"The family has noted a real difference in you." He explained. "Because they notice, Jake notices. It's been on his mind a lot lately, with you so close to Ness."

"Everyone but Edward, you mean." I sighed quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"My thoughts scare him." That about summed it up.

"I'm sure that doesn't mean he hasn't noticed." He replied. "It's impossible not to notice."

"Thanks." I mumbled, looking over. "I didn't even notice I was doing that."

"And for what it's worth." He nodded a little. "I really think you've come a long way, and I admire you for it."

I couldn't help smiling a little.

"Thanks." I said again. It was worth a lot.

Looking out over the forest beyond the back yard, I paused for a deep breath, closing my eyes. It suddenly meant a lot to even be standing here. I just wanted to be okay.

I briefly wondered where Mikah was right then, but because I thought about him, I thought about something else.

"I wonder if I can see Andrew soon." I mumbled. "If I'm right, my mom will be there." I had a lot of questions for her, and she had no clue it was coming. Unless my dad tipped her off.

"I'm sure you can." He replied, not minding the subject change. "I'll even offer to pull guard duty."

"You don't have to do that anymore."

"But aren't you worried?" He asked, confused. "After that fire?" I was surprised I hadn't mentioned that yet. I assumed Edward would have said something, but thinking about it, he couldn't have. Nobody interrogated me about it.

"No." I replied. "My friend caught the guy that did it."

"I like your friend." He replied, impressed.

"What friend?" I looked over, now not surprised at Emmett's appearance in the side door across the yard.

"Ask Edward." I called back. "He's allowed to tell you about _that_." He turned, leaving the doorway.

"What friend?" Seth asked curiously.

"A vampire." I answered nonchalantly, and he did a double take.

"Sorry?" He blinked in surprise.

I shrugged. "I like him."

"Is he at least like your family?"

"No." I replied just as nonchalantly.

"And he's your friend?" He asked, probably just trying to understand. I didn't care. "When you say.. _Friend_.."

"I mean.." I sighed, a little annoyed now. "He helped me awhile back, and he came back to check on me the day of the fire. He told me when I saw him a few weeks ago that he caught the guy that did it."

"He's a vampire."

"Yes."

"How is this news to your family?"

"I thought Edward would tell them." I reasoned. "Since he's so ready to announce to everyone what's in my head." I hoped he was around to hear the bitterness in that statement.

I paused for a cough, groaning out loud when I realized what that meant. Any cough from me meant instant action. They weren't taking any more chances with my health.

Sure enough, seconds later, Emmett was back at the side door.

"Inside, shorty." He called, and I sighed, looking to Seth.

"I inhaled a bug." I lied, slowly making my way toward the stairs.

"Right." Emmett chuckled. "Nice try. You don't have to sit in bed, but stay inside."

I slouched passed him in the doorway, not at all surprised when he followed me.

Apparently, I had a lot of explaining to do.

 **A/N: Holy f**king crap the wait for this got long! I am so sorry, guys. I've been in my own dark place for a little while, and I had to cut back a bit, but here I am. Doing my best, but I'm hoping it's enough.**  
 **THANK YOU to my awesomely amazing reviewers. I'm _SO_ grateful for you guys. You have no idea. **  
**Next chapter may take just as long, so heads up. I'm still trying to figure myself out, but I might surprise everyone and come out with one sooner. Who even knows? I'll be doing what I can.**  
 **Until Nineteen, guys. (:**


	19. Chapter 19

**NoTE: I follow the movie here quite closely from here on out. I just wanted to point that out, and say again that I don't own anything from SM. That's all her stuff. I just play with it a little bit.**

 **Chapter Nineteen**

"Leandra." I looked over at Carlisle as he spoke. "What is it?"

He could probably hear my nervousness. I didn't hide it well.

"I don't know." I mumbled. "I don't know what _it_ is, and I don't like not knowing."

The same answer I always gave.

"Something's wrong." I added almost silently. "It's getting colder." Though the room was perfectly warm, I couldn't hide my responding shiver, hugging my stomach. I wasn't even trying to play it down anymore. I was done with that.

I didn't miss the glance between Alice beside me and Jasper across the room in the chair. It was only the four of us in the room tonight, not that I'd noticed. I sat on the window sill, my eyes out the window. Drawn up in a way I hadn't done in awhile. It was no surprise when Carlisle noticed.

I looked back out the window in an effort to ignore the glances passed. The rain poured today, making early evening seem colder than I was used to. I worried about myself sometimes too.

I felt like I was losing my mind over this. It was part of what Edward was so worried about. I was bitter, and underneath the weight of my own thoughts, I had to wonder. I had to worry. My family was more than aware of it, I was sure. Edward didn't even have to say anything, which bothered me.

They knew already. _That_ part. They had no idea about the rest, which was also what worried Edward.

I'd been quiet around them before. That wasn't new. I'd been distant before. Not new, either, but it was never anything like I'd become lately. I felt the difference. It was like my entire mind was focused on my past and trying desperately not to be a failure.

"My head hurts today." I informed them quietly, not bothering to look over.

"That could just be because you've been awake nearly twenty-eight hours." Alice murmured in reply.

"Crying for nearly half of it." Jasper added, but not in a condescending way. A concerned way. I gave a half-hearted shrug, and I listened to Alice stand.

I wasn't surprised when she approached my side. She sat on the sill beside my feet, reaching over to take my hands in both of hers. Taking my attention as well. I looked at her. She paused to read my expression, and I wasn't sure what she saw, but she smiled sadly.

She and I both knew even through a distraction, my mind would be here. It'd been that way for weeks. They could try to distract me all they wanted to, but underneath functioning on a very basic level, my mind wasn't there.

It was on what a failure I was. It was on my nightmares that played constantly alongside that feeling of failure. It was dreading the looks, denying the need to sleep. It was part of me begging desperately to be helped, but silencing it with the knowledge that I couldn't be helped. In came the constant self-hatred. Gut-wrenching shame and fiery self-hatred, sealing in those very dark words etched in my memory. The hisses in the dark.

On top of that, the pressure and immediate need to get whatever was in that blackness forward. My mind was on all those things at once, and I didn't know what the hell was happening anymore. It was on all those things, while somehow, I functioned out here. What kind of expression would that make on my face? What would she be seeing?

"Get _out_ of there." She stressed quietly. Nearly a whisper, her smile colored with more sadness as she squeezed my hands.

"I _really_ wish I could." I admitted. She hesitated a second, and I blinked a little as she reached up and pressed her fingers against my forehead. She didn't even have to say anything. She didn't even need her expression to say what she wasn't saying. The fact that she looked directly at Carlisle at all just confirmed what I felt.

"Here we go again." I muttered, looking back out the window. I was quickly learning to recognize the pattern. Maybe this time, I'd be lucky and I wouldn't live through it.

"Okay." The fact that Edward came striding into the room _did_ surprise me. He was soaked from head to toe in the downpour outside, but that didn't matter that much. It was expression that made me nervous. He looked right at me.

"I gave you a chance." He was nearly pleading, which confused me. "I'm at a loss, and officially begging for mercy." This really wasn't easy on him. He clearly hated even considering this, betraying the privacy of my mind. At the same time, I understood. My mind wasn't the easiest place to be 24/7.

Yeah, he had his house to go to, but he knew the whole time he was gone that my thoughts weren't changing. Every time he'd come back, it was the same. I just didn't understand why he felt obligated to even bother. I was broken, that had been established a long time ago. What did he hope to change by doing this?

"I've never seen this." Edward sighed, turning to Carlisle. Carlisle slowly stood up. "Something needs to be done because she just doesn't have the room anymore."

"What do you mean?" Alice asked instead.

Edward looked pointedly at me, but instead of getting mad or defensive, I nodded once and looked down. He won. He'd know how to word it better than I ever could.

"She's under way too much mental strain." He replied immediately. "It's through the roof. Between the constant torturous thoughts about what that _animal_ did to her, and the astounding pressure on herself, she's terrified of sleeping. Because she doesn't sleep, she gets no rest."

His tone was no longer just begging, but it fluctuated. Fading smoothly between terrified, heartbroken, and angry.

"What options are you considering?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"Shut it all down for a few hours." Emmett walked in, surprising me as well. Even he was in on it. Rosalie right at his hip.

"In what way?" Alice seemed surprised, which told me she hadn't been aware of that plan. That in itself should have been a surprise, but I suppose not.

"Only medication." Edward told her, looking back at us. "Sedation."

I immediately shook my head. I knew what that word meant, and I'd never willingly allow that. Not with the path my mind was stuck on. Sedating me would only trap me in there. Edward knew this. He wasn't asking for my permission, and I knew that.

I shook my head again, firmer this time and closed my eyes. I wouldn't accept that. There was no way. That had been a solution before, but that was before. Things had gone a lot farther downhill now than they had been before.

"Leandra, you're right there on that edge." Edward's gaze shifted to me. "I know you see it too. Human minds can only handle so much. They _can_ break."

"Give her some credit." Alice defended me. "She's gotten this far. She wouldn't be developing this gift if she wasn't ready to."

"I _have_ to disagree here." Edward replied firmly. "She's not ready."

"So your solution is to sedate her?" Alice asked.

"I can see why you would have an issue with that." He sighed, calming himself. "I really understand, but in this case, it's the _only_ thing I can suggest."

"Final straw." Emmett seemed to be on Edward's side. I looked at him as he looked at me. "Sorry, shorty. Yesterday, I called your name three times before you heard it. Something is off in there, and if sleeping helps whatever it is come loose, then yeah. Sorry, shorty."

"No you're not." I accused under my breath. I never thought in a million years this would be the solution they voted on.

"If you had shown a single shred of intent to reach out, I wouldn't be forced-"

"I won't do it." I cut him off quietly.

"While you're sleeping, I won't say a word about everything else. That's for you to do." He assured me, but I shook my head.

"I won't do it." I snapped, finally starting to thaw out. "If you'd been paying attention, you'd know that this is the _wrong_ way to go."

"I have been paying attention." He replied firmly. "I've seen exactly why you're so against this, and I've _never_ been angrier, but this is the only solution I can come up with. You refuse to talk, you refuse to face it. You refuse my help, you resist Jasper's help, you're tearing yourself up and you're not doing a damn thing to stop it." Alice looked at me.

"Someone should." I growled. He didn't need to ask what I meant by that. He watched me, and I watched him. A tense stand-off that nobody would win. There were no winning sides. Even if I won, I lost. If he won, he lost. This wasn't a solution. It was a last resort, reached by his desperation at my lack of resilience.

"I don't do this lightly." He agreed quietly. "But I refuse to sit back and watch you self destruct."

"Go ahead, then. Tell them everything in my head if it makes you feel better, but you can take your sedation and shove it. I'll starve and I'll go thirsty before I let that happen."

Carlisle sighed, and I knew he knew what he'd just done.

"You know what can happen." Alice told him. "What happens if that vision is lost forever?"

"Good." Edward replied. "I'm really hoping that's what happens. You don't understand, Alice. She doesn't have the room. If it's really worth knowing, you'll get the vision. You can handle it. She can't."

"I _won't_ do it." I'd lost my chance to figure out how to see that vision. Alice was saying there was a chance that sleeping that way could erase it. I didn't want that.

I didn't sit around and wait for them to try to convince me. I stood up and strode away. Up the hall, and straight into my room. Closing and locking the door behind me.

I crawled up onto my bed, grabbing my pillow. Hugging it to me as I curled upright. I didn't know how they expected to get me to go along with it, but Edward was out there convincing them that it was the best way. I might not have blamed him, but I resented him for this suggestion.

I knew they'd never physically force me, despite how easy it would be. Their only options would be to either convince me, or trick me. I wasn't going to let them trick me, and I'd never be convinced, so here we were.

Unsurprisingly, a knock came to the door half an hour later. I didn't answer.

"Leandra?" It was Carlisle.

"Go away." I grumbled. I closed my eyes. "I'm so tired of this."

"Can we talk?" He asked, and I sighed. I already knew where this conversation was going to go.

"I don't wanna fight with you." I sighed, burying my face in my pillow.

Unsurprisingly, he walked in anyway. I didn't look up as I felt the side of my bed dip a little.

"Edward is only concerned." He told me gently.

"I don't care." I snapped. I was unable to hide my heavy tears anymore, so I looked up. "I told you before I can't do it again." I paused to breathe through angry sobs. "I don't _care_ if he's concerned. It's _not_ his job to-"

"Calm down." He instructed me gently, and I took another moment to breathe. It wasn't hard for him to see how angry I was, but his calm expression helped.

He waited with me for a minute while I managed to get a hold of myself. He waited until I fell silent before he spoke again.

"No one is going to trick you into something like that." He murmured calmly. "You _know_ this."

"I won't do it." I shook my head.

"Then I need you to start talking to me." He replied, and I looked up. "This cycle needs to stop, and to do that, I need you to help me help you. I need to know what it was that concerned Edward so deeply."

"You don't know what you're asking." I warned, but it wasn't straight refusal.

"I think by now you know that that's not true." He countered simply. "You're a very bright girl. I know you know that this hasn't been working."

I looked down. He was right, of course.

"I don't know what else to do." I admitted, and I easily sensed that that helped.

"Burying it only ensures it stays right where it is." He explained gently. "If you want true progress, then you need to give counselling a real try." I cringed, but he caught that. "A _real_ chance."

"I don't want some stranger knowing everything."

"I think that's exactly what you need." He replied, and I frowned a little. "I know it may take awhile, but a passive third party can guide you in the right direction. As unnecessary as it is, your greatest worry is judgement by us, is it not?" I hesitated, but I nodded a little. "Talking to someone without that personal tie to you is the best option for you."

I hadn't thought about that. I'd never given it much thought at all, aside from refusing to cooperate. That was the reason they stopped making me go in the first place. I wasn't ready.

"It won't be everything at once, if you're feeling overwhelmed." He went on. "One step at a time, and if you're uncomfortable discussing something, you're not required to."

"But I don't even know how to tell you." I argued. "How am I supposed to talk to someone I don't even know?"

"They have ways to direct the conversation if you get stuck." He answered. "And your comfort will be top priority."

"I don't know." I sighed, hugging my pillow tighter. I really wasn't sure I could do it. I heard the sadness in his sigh. I felt him watching me. I felt low.

My whole life had been about just staying alive. Enduring what I'd had to endure.

I'd never once given thought to what was supposed to come after. I always felt like there were no steps forward. Like I'd just come to the end of the path, and that this was where I was supposed to live the rest of my life.

It only added onto what Emmett was trying to say awhile ago. The path ahead that I couldn't even see. I felt like I'd come to a point where there was no way forward. A whole new direction to my life was only waiting for me to accept it, and here I was. Too scared to let go of what I'd always known. Risking what I knew for what? A chance at a normal life?

"I can't." I finally mumbled, my voice tiny, glancing up. "I'm not strong enough."

"Don't say that." He stressed. "Leandra, you're far stronger than you think. I understand how this must feel. You understand what this choice will mean, and I won't lie. It's a very big commitment, but wouldn't it be nice to take back just a little bit of control?"

I closed my eyes. "I just want it to go away. I don't need control. I just want to stop hearing Jack's voice every time I go to sleep."

"This will help you do that." He pointed out. "I firmly believe that you're ready."

I didn't. He could see that, given the way I didn't open my eyes.

"Just consider it." He urged. "That's all I'm asking right now." Hesitantly, I nodded a little. It wasn't too much to ask.

With a breath, I finally opened my eyes to glance up at him. Sitting straighter, I sniffled.

"I have a brother." I mumbled, and he waited quietly. Probably for an explanation. "My mom had him when she was sixteen." He was the first person I told, but he didn't seem surprised. It wasn't hard for me to notice that. "You knew?"

He gave a nod. "I wasn't completely sure how to tell you."

"When you went there before." I understood. I'd forgotten about that. "My dad told , I mean, I kind of made him tell me. I got the feeling he was hiding something, but I wasn't expecting that."

"If you wanted to meet him-"

"I don't. I mean.." I sighed, shaking my head. "I don't know. Plus he said it was a closed adoption. Whatever that means."

"It means the biological parents are completely out of it." He explained gently. "The child is free to search once they come of age, but until then, it wouldn't be listed anywhere. Your adoption was open. Meaning, both of your biological parents are free to have contact with you." I smiled a little, appreciating the reminder, but that faded quickly.

"I don't mean to have those kinds of thoughts." I mumbled. "I don't think it's very fair Edward gets to push it."

"He can't help it." He reminded me. "It's involuntary."

"I know. I just.. Hate it. I hate hurting him with the things in my head, but I can't control it either. It's not _my_ fault he sees everything."

"He isn't trying to punish you." He frowned a little.

"That's what it feels like." I admitted, squeezing my pillow. "And I hate it."

"He's only worried about you." He replied. "I can't honestly say that I blame him."

I looked up, and unfortunately I winced. The light coming in my window seemed to reflect weird for a split second, and my head immediately reacted with stabbing pain. I instantly had to close my eyes.

I couldn't really say what happened next, because it was the weirdest thing. I was aware that my name was being called, but I was stuck. It was like I was half sleeping, half awake, but with so much going on I had no clue where to go.

And just as suddenly as it had come over me, I was back in place. When I looked back up, I could see only a few moments had actually passed. Carlisle was, of course, concerned by my brief moment spent lacking response. Not only that, but the state I was suddenly in.

Trembling like I'd just woken up from a nightmare. It was just the same, as did the breath stealing tears I choked on. Gasping for breath around the fear in my throat, my heart running a million miles a minute, and the huge migraine that made my head spin, I looked up into Carlisle's worried eyes.

He hadn't moved from where he'd been seated for several minutes, but it was weird that I was surprised that he was here. My reaction was new.

I shoved myself out of bed, stepping around him without a word. I stepped passed those in the doorway, heading straight into the living room. I nearly reached the door before I stopped and turned around. I paced quickly back and forth in front of the fireplace, trying so hard to make sense of the dream of the blackness I'd just had. There were pieces to it now, things I'd seen that I suddenly could remember.

"Leandra?" Esme was worried. "Honey, sit down. Say something."

I ignored her as if she hadn't even spoken. I didn't hear her. A permanent frown on my face, I couldn't figure it out. I clung to the images I'd gotten from the vision for all that I was worth. There just wasn't enough to make sense of, but unlike so many times before, there was at least something.

"Leandra." Carlisle was the only one who was able to get through to me. "Say something."

"I don't know what it means." I finally admitted shakily. "There's not enough there."

"You saw?" Alice asked from beside the couch. "What did you see?"

"I don't know." I replied, the normal answer. "But there's something there. Uhm.." I frowned, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "What I saw.. I-It was bright. Really bright, and it hurt my eyes. I don't know why it was so bright." I paused, opening my eyes, looking down at the carpet now. "But.." I didn't know how to describe it. "We were there. Like we were waiting."

"Waiting?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"Yeah." I replied. "Expecting s-something, but.. Not you."

"Not me?" He asked, even more confused. "Not me, or not us? Leandra, are you waiting by yourself?"

"Not you." I muttered. "I'm not by myself." Then I added something that I hadn't meant to say, or even realized I wanted to say it. "Not yet."

I scared myself with those two words, realizing how true they were. More was going to happen than I could see right then, but how much? My breath choked off, and I was panicking yet again, falling to sit on the couch. I didn't miss the looks between them, my trembling worsening by the time Carlisle sat beside me. Gaining my attention again.

"I don't know how else to describe it." I muttered, looking to him and still trying to catch my breath. "I don't know.."

"What else can you tell us?" Carlisle asked quietly and I looked to him again.

"That's it." I muttered. "There's more, but that's it. It's big. There's just.. S-So much there, I can't.. I can't really.." I sighed, shaking my head finally. I finally started to cry again, shaking so unbelievably hard. He pulled me into a hug, and I accepted it gratefully. "I'm sorry I can't remember more."

"It's not your fault, Leandra." He told me. "Just breathe."

I stood up suddenly, continuing to pace. I was edgy, panicked. Sitting still wasn't helping. Pacing wasn't helping either, but it was the best option I had. Something to do to keep from tearing my hair out.

They accepted that. Letting me try to walk this off.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make sense of the brightness, or the expectation. It obviously meant something was coming, but I hadn't the slightest clue what it was.

Yes I did.

Another part of the vision decided then that I should remember it. I had to fight to achieve it, but it was there. My mind was so mixed up, lost in itself. It seemed like there was too much room in there, and there was just so much there. Filling up every inch of spare space. Like a room stacked from ceiling to floor with stuff. Everything just shoved in there, thrown together in an unrecognizable heap.

"It's a person." I said. "It's not something. It's someone. I don't know what.. I don't know who they are, and I never see their face, but.." The more I walked, the more came to me. "We're waiting. Not me, not you, but..Something goes wrong. Something happens. That's the part that I can't see, but I know. I know it's.." I had to keep stopping. I didn't know how to explain it. The part that I couldn't see was hurting me the most. I continued to tremble. Telling them more didn't ease me like I thought it would. It only got me more worked up.

I wasn't calming down. I was just getting started. My emotions no longer felt like my own, and I knew I was feeling the left over emotions from the vision. I couldn't change that, and I couldn't just not feel anymore. As impossible as it sounded, I only got more worked up as I paced.

Jasper's eyes followed me closely, staying on me nervously. Now and then, he muttered something to Carlisle, who would look at me as well. I barely noticed that. At one point, Esme stood, and left the room.

Even through all this, I kept notes. I felt all this emotion, but other than pacing, I fought to keep calm. I was glad to vaguely notice Jasper keeping tabs on me. He would probably remember these emotions better than I could.

To know he felt my panic and my fear, the way I tensed and locked up. I turned to look right at Edward as he slowly stood up. I saw myself, but I didn't look like myself. What was different?

I silently begged him to help me make some sense of what was in my head because I wasn't getting any new puzzle pieces. The earlier argument nowhere near my head. I needed his help. What was I supposed to say?

"There isn't enough to go on." He finally told them, much to their disappointment. "The brightness could be anything, Leandra. All it tells us is that whatever happens, happens during the day."

"Can you tell where I am?" I asked. I was just trying to offer more ways to uncover details that I couldn't. I thought about the scene again. Waiting, impatiently, somewhere, but where?

He sighed, shaking his head. I sighed as well in disappointment.

"Well, wherever you are, I can safely say that it's nowhere good." Jasper added quietly. Thankfully, he chose that moment to help me out. I glanced over at Carlisle, as he'd followed me out. It was only a brief glance, as I needed to keep focused.

"No kidding." I whimpered, sitting down. "My luck, I'm in the middle of freaking nowhere, freaking out, all alone. That doesn't tell me anything!" I was a bit frustrated, even with Jasper's help.

"But you're not alone." Edward pointed out, and I paused for another calming breath. Thinking about what I could remember about the scene, and I realized he was right. It was a subtle feeling, but it was its own emotion. The knowledge that someone was there with me. I was waiting, but for _what_?

"This is pissing me off." I replied, looking over at him. "But I don't even know if I'm mad now, or if I'm mad _then._ "

"That has to suck." Emmett frowned.

"It definitely sucks." I confirmed with a frown. I looked over at Jasper. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Was his reply, but I heard the tension in his voice. I took the opportunity to rub my tired eyes. This lack of sleep was kicking my ass, and something had to give again.

The most frustrating part was the fact that that little bit was all I got for the next few weeks. Life went on normally, and I even got to spend some time with my friends, but I never once brought up what I knew about my mom. For one, I wasn't even sure if I should. Two, I didn't have the room.

I didn't have the room to focus on it. It was very low on my list of priorities. The longer I waited, it was easier to see how little something like that mattered. Two years ago, I might have been more tempted to get answers. Now, I had my family.

Seeing my mom since finding out didn't change anything either, which surprised me. It was easy to remember that it was in the past. The only difference was that now, I knew about it. She was doing well. Even I had to admit that. She had a steady job, her own apartment, but I wondered how long that would stick. She seemed to be taking her time in regards to Richard. I liked that.

Josh and Zack were their normal selves, despite nearly losing their home, which was a good thing. It was exactly what I was looking for. I just didn't know how to tell them that they didn't need to worry about Ken anymore. Mikah had taken him out.

December started a little chilly, but otherwise mild. I was still stuck in my head a lot, but I was more focused on how different this year was compared to the previous December. I felt very grateful to be where I was now, instead of out wandering, lost.

Despite the fact that I still hated Christmas, and I knew it was coming. That in itself had a downward effect on my mood, but I had help.

Jasper had been a huge help when it came to handling my emotions lately. It was almost like he was taking inventory. Every little change in how I felt, he noted.

With Renesmee getting older, I wasn't positive that Edward had still been in my head as much, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he had. Ness talked more often now instead of choosing to use her gift, but it wasn't an unpleasant distraction. She seemed to be extra curious about me. She was still very little, but very clear about what she was interested in knowing.

Today, though, I wasn't doing that well, and that made her curious. The room was very crowded today, but quite silent. It was like they didn't like leaving me alone when I was like this. I wasn't quite sure why, but I didn't mind the silent company.

I was seated in my usual spot by the window when Ness came walking over. I didn't like the look of confused worry on her small face. It made me feel ashamed of myself. I glanced over to Bella arriving across the room, equally concerned, but at least she offered a small smile.

I sighed and attempted to get up, but a little hand grabbing onto my wrist surprised me.

"Wait." Renesmee mumbled, and I did. I waited, watching as she gestured with her free hand that I bend down a little. I did. The moment her hand touched my cheek, she gave me her thoughts. I knew what she wanted to do, so it didn't take me quite as off guard this time.

She showed me her point of view. I should have recognized it then, but I hadn't. I should have recognized the confusion, and how she wondered just what it was she'd done wrong. She worried that she was responsible for the way I worried now, and it bothered me.

Ness wasn't stupid, but I sure had been. I'd expected her not to notice, to be oblivious to the concerns of the family and by acting the way I had been, she believed it was about her.

Once it ended, by her pulling her hand away, it took me a few seconds to get my own thoughts back. My mind had been cleared the moment she used her gift on me, and that brief moment of just nothing there right afterwards was such a relief. Until it all came back, anyway.

"Thank you." I told her, and she smiled.

"You're welcome." She replied quietly, her smile still in place. After awhile of me sitting there with her studying me, her smile faded a little, and her eyes grew worried again. I was still bent over a little, so she placed her hand against my cheek again.

As I predicted, it showed worry again, more focused on me. I saw myself now, how I looked to her. My skin was much paler than I was used to seeing on myself. My eyes less bright, less of the clear green I had gotten used to. She wanted to know how sick I was, and what would make me look this bad. She pulled her hand from my cheek, still frowning.

"Don't worry." I replied out loud. "I'll figure it out. It's not your fault, though, okay?"

"You look so sad." Her pointing it out like that nearly broke my heart all over again.

"I am." I admitted, not really up to lying to her. She was a lot more observant than I thought.

"Why?"

That, I wasn't sure how to answer. How was I supposed to answer that? How was I supposed to tell her that my own mind was against me, and it was a fight just to keep breathing every day?

"She has a lot on her mind." Thankfully, Edward spoke up. I hadn't seen him walk in, but I wasn't surprised to see him with Bella here too. I looked over, grateful for his input. "She'll be okay."

I nodded in agreement, and she seemed to believe it.

"Come on." Bella called to her. "Let's go find Jacob." That seemed to do it. She immediately grinned, and bounded over to her. Edward patted her head lightly on her way by, and I couldn't help smiling a little at the gesture. Seeing how easily Edward treated her was always nice to see.

I watched them leave, glancing over at Esme and her sad smile. I wanted to try to give her one in return, but it wouldn't happen. I moved to sit back as I thought. How great must it be to not have to find the words to describe something to someone else? That gift would have really come in handy before, and even more so now. How easy it would be to just show someone what I meant to say, or show someone what I saw.

Although, maybe it was best someone like me wouldn't have that ability. I doubted anyone else would be able to live with knowing the things I knew or seeing the things I'd experienced. I shuddered at the thought.

"I'm sorry." Edward spoke again, and I looked over to find that he was talking to me. I didn't get it at first.

"It's okay." I replied. "She notices a lot." That wasn't his fault.

"Not about that." He said. "Well. That too, I suppose. I'm sorry for pressuring you."

I didn't reply at first. Leaning back. I didn't want to really talk about it, because I knew he was. I knew full well he hated doing that. How was I supposed to reply to that, though? It's okay? It really wasn't that okay. His pressure only increased the pressure I put on myself. More pressure really wasn't that easy to deal with.

"From the moment I met you," He went on. "I've heard those thoughts through your head. Every bit of it I've been close enough to hear." I knew what he was getting at.

"I _know_." I grumbled. "But you talking to me like I'm too stupid to make my own choices doesn't help me like myself very much, Edward."

"I never meant to come across like that."

"I know that too." I replied, less bitterly. "You don't mean to. I know you just wanna help, but you tell me. How am I supposed to make any kind of sense of these thoughts? I could tell them whatever you wanted me to if you could just help me figure out _how_."

"I was hoping you wouldn't need my help." He admitted. "It doesn't mean much if I'm the one that tells them."

"Is it really _that_ bad, shorty?" Emmett asked, probably just now catching on.

"Please, just _stop_." I sighed, turning my gaze back out the window. I was too tired to keep that up. I knew they could see it in my posture, and I knew they could definitely hear it in my voice. I was _tired_.

I hated fighting with them, but I wouldn't budge.

The room had fallen silent behind me, so I sighed again, this time trying to let go of my tension. Only a moment passed before I jumped a little at the sudden sound of the piano playing. I immediately recognized the song, though, and I couldn't help smiling a little at the reminder of easier times. It was the song Edward had written for me, but there were slight differences. It was more complicated now.

I glanced across the room at him, mostly as a way to acknowledge that I was paying attention. I wasn't surprised that I still felt like I did when I first heard it. That even without words, the notes spoke to me. I still loved it.

I also appreciated the fact that he played, because he knew as well as I did that I wouldn't need to talk while he was playing. He was basically telling me without telling me that he was going to back off. At least for now.

After a few rounds of it, though, I had to stand up. I was intending to go to my room to lay down because my head was hurting me too bad to stay put, but I lost my balance instead.

At least that's what it felt like to me. I was suddenly kneeling on the floor of the now silent room, Carlisle kneeling in front of me, trying to get my attention. He didn't seem that worried, but it was taking me a minute to catch up.

"Nothing." Edward sighed, which told me what must have just happened. I tried to focus on anything to ground myself again, and even through my blinding headache, I noticed how badly I trembled. My hand was held tight in Carlisle's, but I could tell I was holding on tighter than he was.

When I could remember how, I attempted to sit in a more comfortable way, which seemed to be acceptable. I brought my other hand up, pressing my palm against my forehead and taking a deep breath.

They didn't even need to ask. I didn't remember a damn thing. Nothing more than what I already remembered.

"Are you okay, shorty?" Emmett needed more of a confirmation. Silently, I nodded. I'd felt this way before, so I knew I'd be okay. It just sucked until then.

"Would you like to lay down, honey?" Esme asked, and I nodded again. I really liked how I didn't even need to talk about it anymore. Carlisle carefully stood and helped me to my feet.

As Esme helped me head toward my room, I looked over, confused as Bella came walking in with Ness beside her. I thought they'd be out for the afternoon, but she didn't seem up to chatting much. So I continued on.

I deeply appreciated the darkness of my bedroom once again, and once the door was closed, complete silence.

It didn't take me long to fall asleep. Curled up on my right side, cuddling the blanket tight under my chin. I knew what would happen the moment I really fell asleep, but I needed some kind of rest so badly, if only to stop the ache. I couldn't help but eagerly reach for sleep.

Thankfully, my mind seemed to be willing to cooperate. At least for a few hours, I was allowed to sleep. When I did start to dream, for once it wasn't bad. This one was more of a compilation of everything I'd talked about, or thought about, at some point during the last couple of months. The non-horrible stuff. The stuff that usually took last place to the nightmares or the blackness of the vision I'd been trying to have.

I dreamed about my old house. The trailer in Sappho, but I was there alone. I was there alone, but I wasn't scared.

It was a weird dream, but it wasn't a bad one. There was a lot of my three friends in there, and a whole lot of my family. A lot of my dad, and his family. Not a glimpse of Ken, or Jack, or anything about the blackness. Just everything else. It had built up, and seeing it now truly made me start to realize how lucky I was, because there was way more good stuff in this dream than the selected scenes my nightmares would show me.

I woke up, though, feeling lonely. I woke up alone, feeling a little warm from too much deep sleep, but my fever wasn't back. Bringing the blanket back, I noticed it was just passed four in the morning.

Each step I took to the door, I felt less lonely. My bare feet only squishing the carpet a little, carrying me closer to where I wanted to be. I knew why I felt less lonely. I was sad, but I knew the moment I opened the door, I could see those I loved most.

I stepped up the hall, pausing in the living room doorway, and waiting. Emmett looked my way from his spot on the couch, Carlisle on the other end doing so as well.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked worriedly, and I nodded a little. I was okay. Just lonely. Emmett studied me a little, before sighing and chuckling quietly. He knew what it was I'd come out there for.

"Alright, shorty." He said, patting the empty middle cushion on the couch and I smiled softly, letting myself move closer. Carlisle was relieved now, smiling with a slight shake of his head. I sat on the cushion closest to Emmett for now, and he threw his arm around me briefly, pulling me over until he could kiss the top of my head.

He'd never done that before, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it now. It was that casual feeling that comforted me. Despite how I'd been acting, how hard I'd been withdrawing, he still cared about me.

Sleeping on the couch wasn't a requirement. I didn't have to do it. Not like before, but it was different now. I was different. I knew I couldn't do this for very much longer, so I wanted the comfort for as long as I could grab it. I just wanted to be around them.

I caught myself in a yawn as I laid down, curled into a ball on the middle cushion of the couch. This time, my head was closest to Carlisle. Usually it was my feet in his direction, but this was easiest for me. I reached for the throw blanket folded on the back of the couch, but Emmett dropped it on my face first.

Knowing they were still willing to let me do this made me feel better. Just knowing I could still do this, until I outgrew it, was enough for me.

I actually did manage to fall asleep again, and though my head still ached horribly, I stayed right where I was for several long minutes when I woke up the following morning.

I was so used to my headache being fairly easy to get rid of. Usually just some sleep was all I needed, but the fact that this one held on for awhile bothered me. I stayed on the couch the whole time, watching my family now instead of out the window. I wasn't sure what changed, but I wanted to see them. More than anything else.

I hardly left the safety of that throw blanket for two solid days, and the longer this headache held on, the tighter I held onto it. Head to toe, wrapped. It was mentioned, but I didn't really have an answer.

Today was slow. Edward sat at his piano again today, with Ness beside him. The room was very occupied, but quiet. Everyone was here, which was a good thing. It made me feel a little better to know that Bella was getting more comfortable with me around.

I was still feeling cold, even inside my blanket burrito. I shivered, but I still watched. The TV stayed off, which was nice, and I snoozed. When I was awake, I didn't feel like moving. I felt oddly insecure.

Jasper sat near me, which I appreciated because it meant I got to stay lazy. I had a break. A particularly rough shiver chose that second to roll through me, and I gained Jasper's glance.

Before I could even think to explain, I jumped to bolting upright, letting out a yelp at the sudden, sharp sound of glass shattering in the hallway. Scrambling to kneel up on the couch, I looked over, spotting Alice, and the vase she'd dropped at her feet near the hall. Pure fear on her face as she managed to glance right at me at the same split second, and my own nervousness reignited.

Jasper stood from where he sat in the adjacent chair, and sped over to her. Landing at her side immediately. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, petrified to the couch. Scared to death, knowing she saw something that would make my sightless vision piece together.

Even before she took a breath and spoke.

"The Volturi."

I immediately remembered everything they'd ever told me about them.

She said they were coming for us.

She named off three names, but I was stuck on the first one. Aro. I stopped listening for a solid minute after that one. My mind working so quickly so suddenly made me a little dizzy.

I looked down, searching my own mind for a hint of what she could have seen, but her figuring it out didn't help me figure it out. I was still blind, but given the expression on her face when I looked back up, I was tempted to wish I stayed blind.

The way she looked at me this time confirmed my worries. She wasn't just worried. She was scared, and hidden in her eyes just under that fear, was a sadness. I read it loud and clear, and that only scared me more.

All at once, it seemed to hit me. I understood what she was saying, and I understood that this was a very bad thing. In near panic, I looked over at Carlisle. He was usually the first person I looked to when I felt uncertain, but this time, the sight of his expression didn't comfort me. Especially when he looked at me, and part of his expression fell. As if just by looking at me, he was reminded.

"Well.." Emmett broke the following silence. "I guess now we know." He looked at me as well, and I hesitantly attempted to unwrap and stand up. I tried not to notice how it felt like the floor would drop out from under me.

"What is an immortal child?" Bella asked, and I looked over at Carlisle. Apparently, that was a thing? Was there a difference?

He didn't answer right away, giving me time to worry even more.

"I think we should discuss this somewhere else." He finally replied quietly, and I whined. Sitting back down. That definitely wasn't good.

"Shouldn't she know, too?" Emmett asked, suddenly at my side.

I shook my head. "I feel sick." I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Deep breaths, shorty." Emmett sighed, but his voice was tense.

"Carlisle." Alice spoke up again, gaining the entire room's attention. "Leandra." She didn't say anything else, even as I looked over at him again. I half wondered if I was as pale as I felt, but that didn't matter much, as he spoke.

"I know." He replied. I didn't like the way his tone had changed. I felt so lost, and I didn't even know what was going to happen. I shivered, hugging my turning stomach. Searching my mind.

"What about her?" Jacob asked in the following silence.

Without a reply, Carlisle turned and left the room.

"Carlisle." Alice called after him again, but Esme was already following him. Edward next, which prompted everyone else to follow as well. I stayed. Rosalie stayed behind, hugging Ness into her side with a sigh. Though I watched after them, I didn't move to follow. I numbly reached for my blanket, the one that'd been discarded before.

"He refuses to let anything happen to you." Rosalie spoke, but it was a pretty steep slide into numbness for me. I didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling right then, but I knew I should have felt something.

"I'm not afraid." I finally managed to reply. "Not for me."

"I see that." She nodded a little. "Well, since you brought it up weeks ago, we've been pretty much anticipating a visit from Aro. That was the most reasonable expectation."

Okay?

"Listen." She sighed, and I glanced over as she actually sat next to me. Slowly, stiffly, but she sat next to me. "The fact that you've been working yourself to death trying to help us hasn't been lost on me. Much less anyone else."

"It didn't do much." I mumbled. "It's still gonna happen. Whatever it is." I still felt like I couldn't breathe, but emotionally, I was blank. Jasper had never had such a solid hold of my emotions before. "I wish I could feel something."

"It's better this way." She countered.

"Please tell me." I looked over at her. "What does this mean?

"I can't say." She watched Ness as she returned to the piano. "I only know that being on Aro's bad side is basically a death sentence." I closed my eyes.

I knew that I'd have been panicking at that statement had Jasper not been paying so close attention, because just the _thought_ wanted to bring tears to my eyes, but as he was, I just looked down.

"And there's no way off his bad side?" I asked, looking back over.

"There will be more detailed arrangements made for you." She replied, which answered my questions. "And Ness, no doubt, but as for us.."

"There's gotta be some way." I muttered. "He.. They can't just do that."

"Adorable." She murmured, her tone quiet. She sighed. "Just.. Whatever arrangements are made for you, you need to promise-"

"I'm not going anywhere." I grumbled this time, as outraged as I could be. "You said yourself. I'm part of the family, right?"

"Do you have any idea what would be in store for you if Aro got a hold of you?" She asked, but she wasn't trying to be mean. "The second he took Irina's hand, he knew all she knew about you." I hadn't forgotten about that part.

"I don't care." I replied.

"I do." She countered.

"So what if he knows about me now?" I asked. "He probably knew about me before."

"If she's convinced Ness is an immortal child, the fact that you're part of the family too complicates things." She said. "It's not a game. We didn't fight for you just to hand you over to him. Whatever Carlisle and Esme tell you to do, you do."

"I'm not getting sent away." I argued. "I don't care where." I knew it was no use, though. I was resigned.

"They're discussing options." She sighed after a moment of silence. I actually appreciated the report, but I had to ask.

"Where am I going?" I had a feeling I knew, but I wondered anyway.

"That won't be decided out loud." She replied. "If Carlisle is going to hide you, it would probably be best to keep all of us from knowing."

I frowned, but it didn't take me long to understand.

"So he'll only be the one that knows where I am." I guessed, and she nodded. I nodded as well.

I didn't bother replying, looking away again. A minute, maybe two later, I heard them coming back. I looked over sadly, watching as Carlisle led the way.

He sighed, and looked right at me.

"I need your word that from this point on, you'll do everything you're told."

"Okay." I said quietly.

"Promise me." He said firmly. "I need to know that no matter what, no matter what request it is, no questions asked, you'll do as you are told to do." It clearly meant a lot to him. No questions asked.

"Okay." I repeated. "I promise." I hesitated. "Can I know where I'm going?"

"For now, it will be too dangerous to keep you here." He eventually explained. "You'll be going to Heather's house for tonight. From there, I haven't decided yet." I'd be hopping around places.

"What about you?" I wondered nervously. I immediately noticed when Jasper started letting me feel again.

"We'll be traveling for a bit." Esme answered that one.

"Like.. Splitting up?" I wasn't sure I liked that.

"Very temporarily." Carlisle assured me. "We need to gather witnesses."

"Witnesses?" I asked, confused, but then I remembered. "Sorry. You said no questions."

"It's alright." He seemed to understand. "It is our hope that if enough people stand with us, we can make Aro pause long enough to listen to the truth."

Would that work?

"It's worth a shot." Edward answered my unspoken question. Quietly now, I looked over at Ness. I'd been there the day she was born. There was no question that she wasn't immortal. Immortals didn't grow, right? She grew. "That's what we're hoping others will see."

That made sense, and I had to admit, it was a good idea. Maybe if Aro could see for himself that Ness wasn't immortal, he wouldn't be mad anymore.

"And I can't be here, because these others won't be like you." I was understanding a little more.

"Exactly." Carlisle replied, and I nodded a little, looking down. They just wanted me to be safe.

"I don't like it." I admitted hesitantly. "But.. I guess I don't have much choice, huh?"

"Unfortunately." He sadly agreed. With a deep breath, I stood up. I hesitated, though. In a way, I expected it. Jasper gave me a little more of my emotion back, probably in preparation for me having to exist without his help. He gave me a little bit of everything. My fear, my anger at the situation, and especially my heartbreak.

Before my numbness was even fully gone, I started to cry.

"I don't want to leave." I whimpered around the lump of emotion. My eyes suddenly overflowed, and I looked over at Carlisle. "I want to stay here as long as I can."

The fear wasn't of them leaving. It was of whatever they were planning to do not working. I knew it wouldn't work by that feeling alone. I knew it. I remembered a time when not knowing was worse, and when not knowing would make me feel this way, but knowing now, being so sure, made it so much worse.

"There's still a chance." I cried, surprised I could still talk at all. Jasper was letting me cry, letting me be afraid.

"Leandra, everything will-"

"Don't tell me that! You didn't do anything wrong! Nobody has!" I couldn't help it. I took that step forward and hugged Carlisle. This hug meant a lot to me. Just as much as the first hug I ever gave him did, and that scared me.

"We haven't given up." He told me, and he returned my hug tightly. I didn't care at that point that I was getting too big for this. I didn't give a care in the world. I wasn't letting go.

"Take me with you." I requested. "Tomorrow. You can't leave me. Not ever."

"Leandra, I can't." He sighed. "It would be easier on us knowing you were safe. We still have some time before they come. There's still time."

"Leandra." I didn't turn at Alice's voice. "Can I have a quick word?" Didn't she see how bad of a time this was? I was in the middle of freaking out. Why would I want a word?

"No." I said instantly, knowing she was just trying to get me to let go. I wouldn't. I hadn't for anyone else yet, and I didn't see the point in letting go until I absolutely had to.

"Leandra, it's important." She insisted, and I turned for a second.

"Let me stay here." I cried, and she seemed surprised for a moment. "You can talk to me later. It can wait."

She sighed, giving me a look.

"Sooner or later," She said. "You're going to have to let go."

"That's later." I sniffled, and I realized that Jasper was helping me again. I fought it at first, but eventually I couldn't. With his help, I could take a breath again.

"Not fair." I mumbled, sighing. Although I was calmer now, I could sense Carlisle's relief.

"It'll only take a moment." Alice insisted, and she took my hand. Though I hesitated, I eventually allowed her to lead me up the stairs. I numbly walked with her, up each step despite how I tried to drag my feet.

She led me, surprisingly, into her and Jasper's room.

"Sit." She offered, gesturing to the bed, so I stiffly sat on the side. I felt so heavy again, plenty ready to just lay back and quit, and I knew she could see that as she sat beside me.

It was silent for a moment while I studied my hands. As much as I didn't understand, I didn't have a single question for her. She just watched me.

"Leandra, you can't stay here." She spoke softly, gently.

"I know." I mumbled. "It just.. Feels wrong to leave right now. I wanna stay, because here is where I always feel safest." It was quiet again, before I added. "You saw everything."

"I did." She admitted, looking down. "If you've been trying to see the same thing I saw today, I'm so sorry. Everything makes sense now."

"I'm so scared." That whimpered confession slipped out before I could stop it, but I didn't need to tell her that. "There has to be something I can do. There has to be something.." I trailed off, my quiet voice trembling lightly with my increasing emotion.

She reached out and gently pulled me to her in a hug, which I accepted easily. Biting back a sob as I hugged her back.

"Leandra, your gift gives you the ability to see what's in store." She murmured gently. "With that, comes a certain responsibility. It's your job to inform everyone else what's coming, but _how_ you do that is everything. If they see you crumble, it's easy for them to lose hope."

"I can't help it." I whimpered. "I don't even know what happens-"

"You will." She replied. "I have no doubt that soon, what happens will make it through that block in your mind and when it does, you can't lose yourself."

"How do I not?" I asked, sitting back and looking at her. "What Rosalie said.. What if.. What if _that's_.. What I've been trying so hard to _see_. I don't wanna see that.."

I was actually aware of how terrified I was. I was a mess, but Jasper only seemed to be making it worse by not letting me feel all of it.

"I can't tell you yet what happens." She replied. "But I won't lie. That is a very real possibility. Especially given your emotions leading up to today." She sighed and hugged me again. "I would do anything to keep you from seeing that. God, you don't even know."

I heard it. That truthful tone of her voice. In that moment, though, all I could feel was gratitude for her help in all of this. She'd been the first of our family to meet me. She looked out for me the whole time I was here. She always stood up for me, and was always right there by my side. She kept me going so many times, basically dragging me on through everything.

Alice was the one that came back for me after they'd moved away. She saved my skin that day. She helped me escape a beating, and every day since their return, she had been right there. Willing to help me through whatever my ability was doing to me. She kept hope that I could somehow survive this.

Right then, it didn't matter that she was a vampire. She _was_ my sister. Without any doubt, and the gratitude was almost overwhelming.

I never even questioned the emotion.

It was quiet once more while I slowly calmed down again. Until she leaned back, and she went on. Her voice was now a forced positive one.

"I wanted to give you something." She said, and I looked up. "I was going to save it for Christmas, but I think you deserve to have this now."

Not really liking the reminder, I took a deep breath. I kept quiet, but I watched as she reached behind her for a medium sized, emerald-green velvet box sitting on the table.

"All of us have something with this on it, aside from you. So here is yours."

She gently handed me the box, and I inspected it quickly before carefully lifting open the top. Inside this box, was a lot of thick, sturdy metal. I carefully pulled out whatever it was. It was a necklace.

It was bright silver, a rather long, sturdy chain with a decent sized decorative key hanging on it as a pendant. It looked like one of those very old skeleton keys, with the fancy top part to it. Instead of the regular pattern to the fancy top to it, though, it had been replaced prominently with the family crest. The key was large enough to clearly see, but small enough to hide if I wanted to. I wasn't sure why I'd ever want to.

She was right, though. I'd seen all of them wearing this at some point. Rings, necklaces, pendants, and wristbands. It was something common, but I never wondered before if I'd get one. Now that I had one of my own, I loved it. It meant so much to me to receive this.

"Wow." I murmured, looking closer.

"I think you've more than earned this." She gave me a smile, which I couldn't help returning a little. "Let this remind you that you're never really apart from us. You belong here just as much as I do."

"Thank you." I mumbled, looking back up.

"I know things seem overwhelming right now." Alice murmured to me, and she slowly took the necklace from me. "But you'll always belong here. Just remember that when you're having a hard day, or when you're lonely."

She gave me a comforting smile as she lowered the necklace over my head, and pulled my hair through it until the chain landed against my neck. I nodded, looking down at the key. It hung loosely down the front of my chest, nearly reaching my stomach, not at all restricting. I knew I'd probably grow into the length, but until then, I was plenty happy with it.

"I love it." I told her. "Thank you."

"It's long overdue." She replied. "You're more than welcome. Now, I know you don't want to leave, but you have your own part in this."

"A responsibility." I sighed, my smile fading. She didn't reply, but I knew she agreed, so I looked back up at her. Her eyes were sad, but the smile she attempted didn't help.

"Come on." She murmured, and stood up. Taking my hand, I was surprised to find she was going to walk me there. I hated having to give in, but she was right.

She walked with me to my room, to my surprise, picking out my clothes for me to pack.

I just took whatever she handed me, and placed it in my usual bag. When it was nearly full, she handed me my favorite pair of pajamas. The warmest ones I owned. Dark purple, and I loved them because it felt like wearing a blanket.

I put those in the bag last as she sighed, turning to look at me.

"Wear those tonight." She told me.

"Those are a little warm, aren't they?" I asked quietly, taking the soft and heavy fabric from her. If I was going to Heather's house, I'd probably be sleeping in the boys room. I didn't want to be too hot.

"It'll be pretty cold tonight." She explained. "I know how much they comfort you." I was a little suspicious, but that didn't last long. Fading almost as soon as the feeling came up. She was just thinking about me.

I sighed, shaking my head a little.

"Sorry." I said. "My head is so screwed up right now." She smiled and reached for my bag. Zipping it closed, she lifted it for me.

I knew when I made it out to the living room that Carlisle had already called ahead, just by the looks on the faces of my family. I _hated_ this so much, not knowing where I'd eventually end up. I wasn't stupid. I knew this could potentially be good bye.

Despite that, though, I couldn't draw it out. I didn't ask how long I'd be there. I would just have to trust Carlisle.

I arrived, oddly still numb, at Heather's house. He must have told her that the situation was a bad one, because her normal smile was a sad one. Even the boys could tell, so I was figuring out fast that I must not have been as numb as I thought.

I prepared myself for a long night.

 **A/N: FINALLY. Damn.**  
 **THANK YOU to my reviewers! I couldn't keep this up without you guys! I eagerly look forward to reading what you guys think of this one. I hope it was at least a little bit worth the wait.  
A fun little bit of info here that I keep forgetting to mention. I based Edward's song for her on a song called 'Transformation' by Michele Mclaughlin. Just wanted to point that out lol  
** **I have a lot planned for the next three chapters. They're already outlined, so HOPEFULLY they won't take as long. I've got a few busy days coming up, but other than that, I'm determined to finish this story.**  
 **Until twenty, guys. (:**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

"Think she's dead?" Zack's whispered voice in the doorway had me sigh heavily. "Oh. Nope."

I knew why he was asking. Laying on Josh's bed, in one spot for over an hour wasn't something he saw very often. I never acted like this around them. This was the part of me they never got to see, but something about learning that my family's fate was nearly sealed made it hard to hide.

I was surprised, though. I very easily recognized Jasper's help, even here. He was out there somewhere, continuing to keep tabs on me even while I was here. I deeply appreciated that.

"No, I'm not _dead_." I grumbled, slightly annoyed and sitting up.

"Really, Leandra." Josh walked in. "What's wrong?"

I really didn't know how to answer him. This was something he'd never have to be faced with. His life and my life couldn't be more different. I just looked over as he approached, slowly sitting beside me.

"Why do you look like the world is ending?" He rephrased his question, and I looked down.

Because it _was_.

"Ooh!" Zack bounded in next. "Twenty questions. Is it a thing?"

"Stop." I muttered, drawing my legs up. I didn't want to joke around. I didn't have it in me.

Instead of continuing like he usually would, he sat down to my other side.

"I don't know how to tell you." I finally sighed, glancing over at Josh. "It's not really something I _can_ tell you."

He nodded a little, looking down as well. He was thinking.

"Well, is there anything we can do?" He finally asked, and I looked over. "Any way we can help?"

"Besides shutting up." Zack added, smiling a little. "I'm not very good at that."

"I don't know." I replied sadly. "I don't think so. Everything in me is telling me to go back home, but I can't. I have to be here."

Josh smiled sadly, reaching over and hugging my shoulders. I allowed it, leaning against his side. That simple motion actually helped. However minimally, it helped.

"Don't worry." He said anyway, squeezing me. "No matter what it is, you'll be fine."

I wished I could believe that.

"How do you know?" I had to ask.

"Because I'll make sure of it."

Instead of replying, I just whimpered, unsure. I laid my head against his shoulder. I felt him look over at Zack, but neither of them said anything. Zack was better at shutting up than he gave himself credit for.

I hated making them worry about me like this, but I didn't have enough left to hide it.

I thought it would be impossible to sleep that night. Carlisle had promised, before he left, that he would call me in the morning before they went off on their tasks. I held the phone in my curled hand as I laid in Josh's bed that night, determined not to miss it. I was wearing the pajamas Alice had picked out for me, just because she picked them out for me. It comforted me.

Josh didn't even hesitate in letting me sleep in his bed. Having him laying behind me was actually comforting as well. I didn't know where I would end up after this, but wherever it was, the choice was not made lightly. I knew that, and I knew it could be a very long time before I see him again.

I fell asleep, but it didn't last long. My mind was so tired and sore, it couldn't give me a single dream, so that wasn't what woke me up.

I was startled, jumping awake at the sound of the doorbell downstairs. It being so late at night, I was instantly nervous. Nothing good ever came from someone showing up in the middle of the night. Especially not after what happened months before.

I was wide awake, staring toward the door. From underneath, I got to see the hallway light turn on, relieved Mark was awake as his shadow passed by the door. My heart pounded uncomfortably, but I trusted him to keep us safe if it was anyone that shouldn't be here.

"What the heck?" Zack grumbled from above us, and I heard him roll over.

Josh was awake as well, sitting up and watching the door like I was. He didn't ask and neither did I, but this must have been a weird occurrence.

I heard Mark's muffled voice wafting up the stairs, but I didn't hear who he was talking to. He didn't sound upset, so that was a good thing at least. His tone was his normal one, slightly hushed but not raised or tense. I took that as a good sign and let myself start calming down.

I closed my eyes, stifling a yawn. Maybe a minute later, I jumped again, surprised when the door opened. I looked over at Mark in the doorway. The hallway light behind him illuminating only part of the room.

"Leandra?" He murmured, keeping his voice quiet. "Honey, something's come up. Get your stuff." He seemed just as confused as I was. Apparently, I was leaving. I frowned in deep confusion, and half sleepiness. Was this part of the hiding process? I wondered where I was going, and who was here for me. My dad? Someone else?

"Aw." Zack whined a little, clearly disappointed. I was really confused, but I got up out of bed anyway. I shivered as I dropped my phone in my bag and zipped it up. After just waking from a deep sleep and being warm under a blanket, the room was chilly. I grabbed my shoes. I didn't even bother getting changed out of my pajamas, as the boys watched on in confusion.

This hadn't ever happened before.

"Hey." Josh called my attention before I could leave. I waited. "No matter what, okay?" I knew what he meant. I took a breath and nodded, and placed my bag on my shoulder. He nodded too, watching as Mark gestured me toward the door. I followed as he escorted me from the room, closing the door behind him.

Looking ahead of myself as I descended the stairs, I was surprised to find that it was Alice here to pick me up. Jasper right beside her, right in the entryway. I couldn't read their expressions, but they didn't look too worried. I was pretty happy to see them, even if I didn't know their reasons. I was always happy to see them. I was just glad it was them.

"Hey." I mumbled sleepily. "What's going on?"

"Long story." Alice replied. "I'll explain when we get there, okay?"

"Okay." I yawned, letting Alice take my bag. A long time ago, I'd had to trust them. Almost just like this. It was easy now. It was pretty weird to think about that now, though. It seemed like so long ago.

"I hope everything's alright." Mark said worriedly.

"It's nothing major." Alice assured him as Jasper took my hand. With a quick glance, I allowed it, and held his hand in return. It'd been pretty tense since the 'incident', but in the weirdest way, I still trusted him. I'd obviously meant what I said, but it was more than that. More like an unspoken understanding.

It was most weird because we left there on foot. There was no car there to get into like there normally would have been. Like there should have been. It was like they weren't even trying to keep up the human pretense. Alice eventually joined us, but I had no idea how she explained to Mark why we were just walking off. Or if she even did at all.

It was just a weird situation all around, but I trusted that they knew what they were doing. I followed along wherever Jasper led me.

We stopped the second we rounded the block. Out of sight, just in case. Alice pulled a sweater out of my bag and handed it to me. I took the hint and pulled it on over my head while she zipped it back up.

Almost before I could finish even getting it on me, Jasper picked me up. Slinging me onto his back. Instinct made me hold on, or I'd just fall, so I grasped my arm in my hand, locking my arms around his neck and clinging onto him with my legs, which he supported with his arms. I'd never been carried this way before, but it wasn't hard to figure out that it was probably easier for him to carry me this way.

I trusted him, so I kept quiet. Letting them carry me away in the middle of the night. I hid my eyes in Jasper's back, still not speaking in case it would irritate him. I was almost able to fall back to sleep like that, which surprised me.

"Give her to me." Alice's voice had me look up.

We were stopped now, but nowhere near town anymore. It was a lot chillier out in the forest tonight, and I wished I'd brought a heavier sweater. My mind, still fogged, was begging me to go back to sleep. Alice plucked me from Jasper's back easily, and I just went with it. I rested my eyes closed, rubbing them slowly.

"We need to request your permission." I jumped at Jasper's call. "Something's come up." We waited.

"What are we doing?" I asked sleepily. My eyes burned in tiredness. I could only squint them open, and it didn't occur to me how sedated I really felt. Weighed down, most of my emotion gone but the numbness only seemed to make me more tired. Almost like the curiosity didn't even really mean much.

"Shh." Alice told me, and I knew I wasn't supposed to talk yet. She'd explain, but it still didn't make any sense to me why she insisted on holding me, even though we were stopped. Maybe she figured I was just too tired to stand? I didn't ask, because I half worried about that as well.

"What's your request?" I jumped again at a response, looking over as we were approached from the shadowy trees ahead. It wasn't hard to recognize this stranger approaching as one of the wolves. He looked right at me as he came to stand only a few feet away.

"Sam." Jasper greeted tensely. "We need to pass through your land to the ocean. Escorted, of course, if it'll make you feel better."

"How many?" He asked after a moment.

"Only the two of us." Alice replied. She nodded toward me. "And her. For her own safety." Sam's eyes landed on me, and though I blinked tiredly, I held his gaze. I didn't want to say anything and mess up their chance if they were asking for a favor.

After a few long silent seconds, he looked to Jasper. "Alright. I'll allow you three through, but no others, and you will be escorted. Given who is with you, I assume I don't have to tell you how risky attempting something would be."

"We'd never." Alice assured him. "You have our word."

"Can I ask something?" Sam asked, his eyes on me. I wished they'd hurry this up. I wanted to go back to bed. Didn't they know Carlisle was going to call me in the morning? I didn't want to oversleep.

"Of course." Jasper replied, waiting.

"When you say this is for her own safety..?" He prompted.

"It's nothing like that." Jasper answered. "It's a long story."

"I'll explain when we get there." Alice spoke next. "As much as I can." Sam seemed deeply curious, but gave a nod as he turned.

"Wait here for your escort." He said. "There will be four. Five, counting myself."

"Thank you." Jasper nodded, and he left it at that.

We really didn't have to wait long. The moment I heard the crunch of paws on the underbrush ahead, we started running again. I barely had time to close my eyes before we were passing dark trees at nauseating speed.

When we stopped, the roaring sound hadn't stopped. Just changed, from that of wind passing me to water. I was puzzled to find that they'd taken me to the shore.

Alice carefully let me down onto my feet, and though I could hardly see a thing around me, I could clearly hear the sound of the waves nearby. Somewhere in the vast blackness in front of me. The feel and smell of the air told me exactly where we were.

I glanced over as I heard Alice walk away. Probably to go talk to Sam. I shivered, another yawn trembling free as I hugged my stomach. It had to be passed midnight. I looked up at the sky, and to my appreciation, the clouds were thin. I even got to see a few stars.

Jasper stood with me. We stood on the beach in the dark, and it made me a little nervous. I still couldn't imagine what on earth we were doing out here.

"Just relax." Jasper told me. "You'll be okay."

"I know." I replied, my tired voice hardly making it above the sound of the waves. "I'm just a little confused." I wrapped my sweater tighter around myself, wishing it was warmer. I was cold, even in my warmest pajamas.

Stupidly, I only then seemed to realize. Alice had chosen these pajamas for me for a reason. This reason. It only confused me even more to think about that.

"Over here." Sam called, also hardly louder than the waves. "I don't expect it back, so do as you please with it."

Jasper took my hand tightly and led me up the beach. I kept my eyes down, following his footsteps exactly so I didn't trip over anything that might have been in our way as we made our way over the damp sand. Everything was a shadow, including the rocks and driftwood littering the path.

It took me a second to recognize what I was being led to. Seeing what it was, I was even more confused. I kept surprising myself at how confused one person could possibly be.

A small rowboat sat nestled in the sand near a small group of rocks.

"I'll tow." Jasper volunteered, and Alice nodded. Reaching into the bottom of the boat, she produced a long coiled rope, handing it to him. He moved forward, too far into the dark for me to see what he was doing. I'd reached the point of uncomfortable confusion. I was fine with trusting them, but I needed some answers. Jasper secured the rope to the front of the boat with ease.

"Alice," I mumbled, watching Jasper remove his shirt quickly. "What are we doing? Where are we going?" Jasper tossed the fabric into the boat, and quickly uncoiled the rope as he kicked off his shoes and threw them into the boat next.

"I'll explain on the way." She assured me. "Get in." I tore my eyes away from the boat and looked over at her. I knew she could read the hesitation in my expression. She smiled, probably attempting to be comforting. "Go on."

"B-But I don't-"

"I promise I'll explain." She cut that off by lifting me off my feet and plopping me back down into the boat. "Right now, we have a very short window. Come on."

I hesitated a few seconds longer before I sighed. I found a narrow bench to sit down on, My back to the beach, facing toward the water. Alice set my bag on my lap, which I clung to. My cooperation was clearly very important to her.

I lost part of my balance when the boat was pushed toward the water, and the movement in the dark was very disorienting. The closer we got to the water, it seemed, the colder it got.

I watched Alice climb into the boat with me, and she paused to kiss Jasper quickly before sitting down across from me. It was colder here in the boat, and I wrapped my arms around myself as a rather strong breeze blew, blowing a little bit of the spray from the water over me.

"Head straight that direction." Sam instructed from the left, but I couldn't see him anymore. "You should be able to move undetected."

"Thank you." Jasper replied, nodding. "For everything."

I jumped a little as we quickly got moving, Jasper tugging us fully into the water easily. He didn't even seem to mind the fact that he was getting completely soaking wet in the water, so I decided not to complain about a little bit of mist.

Soon enough, we were moving steadily through the water, Jasper pulling the boat along as he swam. I might never have been on a boat before, but I sensed the urgency in the speed, which was explained by what little Alice had said so far. It was darker out here in the water, if that was even possible. I glanced back, toward the way we'd come. I couldn't even see the beach anymore. Just pitch darkness.

"When are we going back?" I finally asked in Alice's direction, squinting through the cold air passing me. "Not that this isn't fun and all, but I don't know what time Carlisle and Esme are leaving tomorrow, and I kind of don't want to sleep right through the call."

I wished I could see her facial expression when she sat quietly. She was so silent, I questioned that she was even still there. Maybe she hadn't heard me? Impossible.

"Alice?" I prompted.

"You won't be getting a call, Leandra." She finally admitted, and I frowned.

"Wait." I muttered. "Why not?" This was hard for her. I could even tell in the dark.

"Your phone isn't in your bag." She explained, and I immediately had to check. Before I could even fully open the side pocket it was usually in, she spoke again. "I left it there. With Mark."

"Why?" I was stunned, floored in disbelief. Why would she do that?

"Because it can be tracked." She answered.

"Then we need to go back and get it." I insisted. "Really, when are we going back? This is a bad time to-"

"We aren't." She finally sighed, and I froze for a second. Shocked, as well as confused. It took me a second to understand what she was saying.

"We aren't?" I asked. "What do you mean we aren't?"

"We aren't going back." She said, waiting a moment for that to sink in. "Leandra, trust me. This is the safest way."

I was stunned.

That didn't sit right with me. I whimpered, turning again to look back across the water toward the beach. I still couldn't see it, holding onto the side of the boat as the motion of looking back almost sent me off balance.

I couldn't make it back even if I was brave enough to try. The thought of just jumping into the water scared me enough. There was no way I'd make it back by myself. It was just something I couldn't do.

"Why would we leave them?" I asked incredulously. "That would have been nice to know! I didn't even get to say goodbye!" I was getting pretty upset now. Especially knowing I couldn't get back to the beach by myself. She'd known that, and she'd known I wouldn't even try. Which was why she waited to tell me until we were all the way out here.

"I don't know what Carlisle was thinking, but tossing you from place to place is a very good way to lose track of you. That plan never would have worked." She explained. I glared a little, not liking her doubting him. "Not only that, but if there is one person you don't want to meet, it would be Aro."

"You said that before." I grumbled. "But nobody will tell me anything about him." I sobbed, glancing back again.

"All he's ever wanted is a prophet of his own." She said, and I fell quiet. "He collects abilities, but a prophet is something he's never managed to find."

I shook my head.

"It doesn't even matter. _Why_ -"

"Think about it, Leandra." She stressed gently. "Really think. Someone _very_ important is under the impression that we broke one of the strictest laws our kind has ever had."

"From Irina." I snapped.

"Yes." She replied. "From Irina, who has met you before, and has been filled in on what kind of gift you have. You alone would be reason enough for Aro to show up, now that he knows what you can do. If he was upset at the fact that Carlisle already has a prophet on his side, what would that make you?" A spare?

"I don't care." I cried now, slightly surprised I could. Jasper, under the water, seemed to find it fit to let me cry again. Knowing how much this bothered me, and how much I hated this. It wasn't fair!

"You should." She countered. "I know you're upset. This kills me too, but I promised you that I would do whatever it took to keep you away from him, and I meant it. I refuse to watch him turn you into something he can use for his own personal gain."

I was outraged that they would drag me along with them as they abandoned those they considered family. Why would they choose to leave in a time like this?

The way she spoke, though, I had to admit scared me.

Each sentence from her mouth scared me even more. As much as it scared me, though, I could only think about the rest of the family facing them without us. Or at least, without Alice and Jasper.

My numbness earlier made me understand, as did the things Alice said to me earlier. She was saying those things because she knew the whole time that they would be kidnapping me, and the numbness was to make Jasper's job easier.

I felt almost betrayed, in a way. I would never have just walked away with Jasper if I'd known we'd be completely abandoning the others. Never. They knew this, and they took precautions to ensure my cooperation.

"Leandra," She said in closing. "The moment you see what's to come, you'll know exactly why we chose to take you with us."

I didn't bother replying again. I just hugged my stomach, looking down. I was mad, but at the same time, I knew there was nothing I could do.

"Can I _ask_ why?" I asked, a few more tears escaping. "I just wanna know. Are we leaving _just_ to hide from Aro?"

"No." She answered gently. "That isn't the only reason." That only crushed me more. My overactive mind could only come up with worst case scenarios. The other reason could only be that something was going to go badly wrong.

"But they won't know." I cried quietly. "Won't they worry? They don't know I'm gone."

She crossed the boat, sitting beside me now as she put her arm around me.

"Carlisle won't try to wake you with a call until he absolutely has to. Sam will get there in the morning before they even know you're gone. Sam will deliver the note I gave to him, and he'll tell them about you. They'll know you're with us, and that's all that'll matter to them. They'll know we're keeping you safe."

"I didn't get to say goodbye." I repeated. I rested my head on her shoulder, sighing a sob.

"I'm sorry." She said, rubbing my arm comfortingly. "This is the best way."

I didn't argue now. I wanted to go home, but they knew what they were doing.

"Alice," I mumbled, looking up. "What's going to happen?" She looked away.

"We're going to try to find answers." She replied. "Answers that might give them a fighting chance." That wasn't what I was asking, but her reluctance to tell me made me worry. I looked down now, trying to warm up my hands. "Remember the promise Carlisle always made you make to him?" I nodded sadly. "I want that same promise, Leandra. We'll find you someplace to stay that's safe, and sometimes, one of us won't be able to stay behind with you. We'll both need to leave you. I want your word that you'll stay put."

"I have nowhere to go." I reminded her. "So I have no reason to leave."

"Regardless." She insisted and I sighed.

"Alright." I said. "I promise." She gave me another comforting smile, hugging me a little tighter.

"You'll be okay, Leandra." She told me, and I looked down.

"It's not me I'm worried about." I couldn't even describe how sad I felt.

"I know." She nodded. "Just trust me, okay? I'm doing everything I can to help them." That didn't seem that true while we were leaving them behind.

Even as fast as we were going, it still took us hours to get to wherever we were going. I had no sense of direction, but at some point, I decided to try to sleep. If only to pass the time. I was so worn out, and getting pretty nauseous at the movement of the boat.

I curled myself on the bottom of the boat, using Jasper's shirt as a make-shift blanket and my bag as a pillow. I shivered at the air that swirled into the boat with the mist, stinging me through the fabric. I barely managed to snooze, and when I couldn't leave my eyes shut anymore, I rolled over and looked up at the sky.

The clouds had really dissipated, and I'd never, in my entire life seen so many stars. I never even imagined that many stars could be seen at one time.

Laying back like this, moving through the water as I stared up made me feel a little dizzy, and made me feel so small. Small, but not in a bad way. Staring up at all of the sparkling dots above us, I'd never had this feeling before.

That was the only thing that kept me from continuing my crying, or throwing up. The sight of the stars kept my attention until dawn started to lighten the sky. From the other side of the boat than I expected, which meant we were going very south.

"Sit up." Alice instructed me, so I did. She helped me get up to sit with her, gathering our stuff up right as I felt the towing stop. A second later, Jasper was back in the boat. Unfortunately, he brought a lot of water with him, which got my feet wet. I didn't comment on it, though. I just shivered in the early morning breeze, but the air smelled different.

Jasper rowed the boat from there, which told me we were close to land. Dawn was still about an hour away, but I knew he was in a rush. Sure enough, I watched the horizon get bigger as we approached a beach, right on the edge of a large city.

As soon as he stood back up, I knew this was it.

The city was larger than I'd ever seen before, even from what I could see, but we were far enough away from anyone on the beach that I knew no questions would be asked.

"Remember." Alice told me as we left the boat. "You promised." My shoes sunk into the fine sand, making it a little hard to walk, but I managed to make it a few steps away.

"Where are we?" I asked quietly, looking up at her.

"Iquique, Chile." She answered. "Here, we can find you somewhere to stay where you'll be comfortable while Jasper and I are gone tonight." I nodded in understanding. "We need to hurry, though."

Luckily, we weren't far from a hotel. There was one about ten minutes' walking distance from the beach. I was kept in tow, my hand staying firmly in Alice's hand, despite how tired I was. Jasper carried my bag, which I knew was as soaked as he was.

The beach was pretty deserted, aside from a few couples walking along the sand that never looked twice at us. It looked awfully touristy, from what I could gather from where we were.

We checked into the hotel with plenty of time to spare, as it turned out. We had more than enough time to get up to our very private, very large and spacious room, and close the curtains before the sun hit the building.

Apparently, Jasper and Alice had a fortune in cash of their own. I didn't know how that came about, but I didn't ask. They rented the suite for two nights, making sure it was the most private one they had. Pretty much soundproof, thankfully. Knowing I'd have to sleep, and knowing what that sleep could bring.

The room was on the top floor, and had a private balcony facing the beach, accessible by both the bedroom and living area.

Alice, without any prompting, left the room again. Muttering something about a change of clothes for me from the gift shop, which confirmed my thoughts about my bag.

I was still in my pajamas, which I'd nearly forgotten about. My pajamas and sweater had managed to get soaked through, even inside the boat. It was more uncomfortable than cold, though, and I already knew I'd need to at least change clothes before even attempting to sleep.

I was more than ready to just drink some water, and fall asleep, though. Even with how uncomfortable my pajamas were.

Jasper stood watch with me carefully while I wandered in and sat on the king sized bed in the room. He stood by the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony, the curtains drawn with only the bedside lamp on for light.

I didn't even have the energy to go into the bathroom to fill up a cup to drink. It was a fight just to pull off my sweater. I managed to, though, and remembered about the key around my neck. Intensely grateful that I remembered to leave it on. I pulled it out of my shirt, and looked down at it.

I liked looking at it.

"I wasn't even the one towing the boat, but I'm sore all over." I sighed after a few minutes, and Jasper smirked a little. I wasn't smiling, though. I was homesick. I hadn't even been away from home for more than a few hours, and I wanted to go back.

"Leandra." Jasper spoke, knowing exactly how I was feeling. "Come here." I forced myself to my feet, and slowly crossed the room. Just as I made it to the balcony, he pulled open the thick curtain enough to let me look out. I flinched a little as the bright morning sun met my eyes, seeming to echo slightly through my aching head, and I looked over the beach below as my eyes adjusted.

He was quiet as he let me get a good look. It was barely morning, and there were already plenty of people on the roads and packing the beach. I had to admit, it was a good distraction, and the sunlight was very warming.

I watched for a minute.

"This reminds me of Arizona." I mumbled. "Without the beach part. That was so long ago."

"How times have changed." He replied thoughtfully.

"But a lot is the same." I pointed out, looking over at him. "I'm not afraid of you this time, but I still hate being luggage."

"Luggage?"

"Just something to drag along with you." I clarified, and he looked over at me as well.

"You really have no idea how valuable you are, do you?"

I shrugged. The early morning sunlight played off the surrounding buildings, and the longer I stood there, the more I was able to see.

"You'll see in time." He seemed so sure. "Things will be different."

"I liked things the way they were." I muttered, and I didn't even need to look at him to feel his skeptical glance.

"No you didn't." He pointed out, and I sighed.

"At least then, we were all together." I glanced over to find him watching me. He fell quiet, so I knew I had a point. He was about to look away, but I spoke again. "Can you tell me? I have a ton of questions."

"There's a lot I can't tell you."

"If Aro has been looking for someone with a gift like mine, why hasn't he found one yet?"

"It's incredibly rare." He answered. "The fact that you and Alice even know each other is nothing short of a miracle. The chances of two prophets finding each other are astronomical, much less in this fashion."

"I didn't know it was _that_ rare." I replied, surprised. I was also glad he decided to answer that one.

"It's very rare." He nodded. "And the fact that we have yet to see exactly what you're capable of, well.. We thought it was a good idea to hide you."

"What did Alice mean before?" I asked. "About not watching Aro turn me into something he can use?"

"Aro doesn't view people as people." He explained. "He sees them as tools for their potential use. If a person can be used to get him further ahead, he finds a way to get them."

"And he'd see me for my use?" I asked, and he nodded. I didn't really know how to reply to that. I looked back out the window for a moment before I closed my eyes.

"I don't feel any different." I admitted, looking down.

"You're conflicted." He agreed.

"I mean.." I sighed. "I'm supposed to be this valuable thing, but I don't feel any different. I don't know what.." I struggled to find the words. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be. I feel like.. I'm alive, but _why_? What do I have for anyone? What _good_ am I?"

"You don't need me to tell you those answers." He understood. "You know them."

"Knowing and feeling are two different things." I reminded him.

"There's part of the conflict."

I nodded, and he sighed.

"Tonight.." He said after a moment longer of silence. "Alice and I are going north. You can't come along, unfortunately, but I know you'll be sufficiently occupied."

"I'll probably be sleeping." I mumbled, stepping closer to the sliding glass door.

"Tomorrow night, when we leave, we'll be taking you along, and leaving you somewhere more private." He continued. "The closest city there, would be Porto Velho in Brazil, fifteen miles away." That didn't mean much to me. "There's a little secluded house there available for us to rent. I think you'll be more comfortable there."

"How long will I be there?" I asked, still scanning the sprawling city.

"There will be times when just one of us goes, or when we stay for a day." He replied. "It's going to take us some time to get these people to trust us enough to tell us what we need to know." Again, that wasn't what I asked, but his answer raised another question.

"Who?" I asked, looking up at him. "What are you looking for?"

"They might have some information that will be pivotal to the visit from the Volturi." He explained. "Without that information, it'll be very difficult to prove what we need to prove." I looked back out over the beach, and the busy city below. The sunlight on my face was quickly warming my skin. I found it was getting uncomfortable, to be honest.

"I'll be good." I murmured. "You don't have to worry about me."

"I hope not." He said. "Because we brought you along to keep you safe, Leandra. If you're always running off to find trouble, that would make our job a lot harder."

"I know." I mumbled. "So don't worry. I know why you brought me along. I don't like it, but I won't make it harder on you."

"And I'm counting on you to try and work through your emotions enough to handle yourself while we're gone tonight." He added. "Because you'll be on your own."

"That's why you've been letting me feel things." I muttered in understanding. "I was wondering."

We both turned, looking back toward the door as Alice returned. I looked back up at Jasper, watching as he closed the curtain again. Successfully closing off the sunlight behind it.

"I can't call home, can I?" I asked quietly. His expression softened, and he sighed as he shook his head.

"I'm afraid not, Leandra." He said. "They can't know where you are, or what we're doing here. That's the whole point of taking you last night."

"Here, Leandra." Alice took my attention now. "I got you a set of clothes to hold you for now. Sometime soon, when we have some extra time during the afternoon, we'll visit the laundry." I nodded in understanding, heading over to the clothes on the bed. The pajamas I wore felt too sticky, still wet from the boat ride, even with the help of the sunlight.

"Get some sleep." Jasper told me. "I know you're exhausted."

"Shower first." I disagreed. "I smell like water. I hate it." I lifted the dark blue t-shirt, and light gray shorts and turned toward the bathroom.

By the time I came back out, the blanket on the bed had been pulled back so as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, I took a couple of sips from the bottle of water sitting on the table beside the bed, and fell into the sheets.

I curled up tight under the thick blanket, and I promptly fell hard to sleep, setting everything aside for right then.

I dreamed mostly about the water and the stars. I still felt the movement of the boat, but it didn't make me nauseous this time.

Once my dreams changed, I really wasn't asleep that long.

There were still parts to this vision that I couldn't see, but I still reacted to. I don't know why I thought that would change since I wasn't at home anymore, but my loud sobbing cries made me face reality. I was crushed.

Something was going to go wrong.

The breaking of my heart was a strong indication, and a massive understatement. It was far worse than that. There was only one thing I could think of that would hurt that badly, but I refused to consider it. It just wouldn't make sense, no matter how hard I tried. I literally couldn't process it.

Thankfully, Alice was at my side in the time it took me to choke on a gasp for breath and fling upright in bed. Holding me while Jasper worked on my emotions. Somehow, the two of them as a team were able to get me calm enough that nobody who possibly heard me would still be tempted to call the police.

They managed to calm me down in record time, but there was still a good amount of time that I sobbed into a thick pillow, trying to muffle the sound. Trembling in my effort to shut the hell up.

"It's changed now, hasn't it?" Alice asked me, and I focused on my breathing, nodding. "That's because you're not there anymore. That changes things."

"Why can't I remember what I'm seeing if it still makes me cry?" I asked, looking up at her. I needed an answer to that one question. I needed to focus on something else besides the heartbreaking sadness and the panic.

"Because you're still human." She said. I'd heard that answer before, but I let her continue. "Visions come from a whole different part of your mind that you don't usually use while you're awake. When you're sleeping, it's easier for you to see them, because your consciousness isn't fighting it, but while you're awake and conscious, it's hiding it from you for your own protection. You know what it is, but only underneath everything." That was interesting.

"That makes sense." I mumbled, left over tears scattering down my cheeks. I gasped, sighing shakily as my tears renewed. "I want to go home. Something is going to go wrong, and I can't just leave them."

"I know." She murmured, hugging me again. "Believe me, I know. I want to be there so badly, too. Right now, though, this is the best we can do."

That was the answer I was going to get. I had to accept that I couldn't be there for them, and that destroyed me. I felt lower than dirt for abandoning them that way, even when I knew it wasn't my fault. I knew it wasn't Alice or Jasper's fault, either.

From what Alice told me, the one thing Aro wanted most was a prophet. What was to keep him from taking one of us as a keepsake? Like any bully, he could get away with taking something, or someone, that didn't belong to him. That thought alone made this whole thing seem necessary. I just had to keep reminding myself of that, and I knew it would take a long while, but I would eventually adjust.

Thankfully, nobody said a word about the noise I made. Either they couldn't hear me, because of the privacy of the room, or they just chose not to comment. I couldn't eat. Not after the night I had. I just wasn't hungry. I couldn't force myself to eat, either. I knew that wouldn't end well.

I got to go with Alice to the laundry room on our floor. Washed and dried, it only took one load to clean all my clothes along with the bag itself.

For the first time, I really took notice of the clothes Alice had handed me to pack. Everything was thin and light. Looking at three of the tank tops I never wore, how had I not asked questions? Lots of tank tops and cotton shorts. Only two t-shirts. That bothered me a little, but I figured I'd live with it.

If the sunlight coming through the window was any indication, this place was much warmer than home. I knew her choosing tank tops was just an effort to keep me cool, and not as a fashion statement. She thought of everything.

True to their word, Alice and Jasper left me that night. Leaving me in the hotel to recover the best I could by myself just after sunset.

I watched a little bit of TV, but turned it off when I started to miss Emmett. I did some wandering around the room. I was very tempted to just pick up the phone, but it didn't take long for me to discover that precautions had been taken there, too. The cord was missing.

The night had just begun, and I was already edgy. Leaving my emotions to myself without a distraction was proving to be very difficult.

So I slipped on my shoes, and I went for a walk.

Making sure I had the key to the room in my hand, I left the room, and I headed outside. It was surprisingly balmy outside, despite the fact that it was December. The humidity kept it warm enough.

I knew I wasn't wearing the best clothes to wander around the city, but I wasn't going to go far. I knew better than that. I was just out here for air and something to do. Although being out here made it harder to ignore my instincts to find any way to get home.

I'd go maybe a block away, and turn around. Head in the next direction, and turn around a block that way. Until I got braver, and I went further.

Walking, though, was helping. It made me focus on something else for a change, clearing my head as much as it could be cleared. That was an amazing feat in itself, but it wouldn't last. I knew that immediately. I knew not to get my hopes up.

Man, I was lonely. Man, I was homesick.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one I trusted enough to talk to, anyway. I was always so used to having someone available to talk to whenever I wanted. Now, without a way to talk to them, I didn't know what to do with myself.

I found my way to the beach. I wouldn't go any further than that, though, keeping the brightly lit hotel in sight at all times. I could find my way back to it, even in the dark. I kicked off my shoes once I hit the still slightly warm sand, crossing over it and standing at the point where the water would just hit my toes, and staring out across the dark, gently lapping water. I couldn't see much, but I managed to see enough to just watch.

I let my feet just rest in the edge of water, watching it come and go, not worried one bit about sitting out here by myself. I didn't see anyone else, and with the hotel so close, I felt comforted by that.

I was there for just over an hour. I could see the stars here too, but not like before. I found myself sitting on the sand, not minding the way the water would get my legs wet. Thanks to the shorts, it wasn't too uncomfortable as I looked up, watching the stars just as much as I had the night before. I didn't know what made them so fascinating to me, but I had an idea.

It was probably the small feeling it gave me. It was so different from the way I'd feel small before. It was the kind of feeling I'd feel in my stomach, and I didn't mind it that way. I'd never seen the stars like this before. It seemed to be the only good thing about this whole situation.

While I sat there, I thought about home. Everything about it.

I continued to sit there, eventually laying back. The sand was soft enough that it was comfortable to lay on. No rocks, or hard pieces to hurt. Just soft sand. It was easier to look up this way. I laid there for about another half-hour, knowing I'd probably have to get back soon. My fingers played with the key still hanging around my neck absentmindedly. Probably as a way to get rid of nervous energy.

"You okay, kid?" I jumped, looking over at someone standing there. I hadn't heard anyone coming, and the fact that he was able to get so close without me knowing made me nervous.

I sat up quickly, looking to the older man standing there. He looked maybe mid-thirties, but spoke perfect English. That was surprising to me when I remembered where we were. His shoes in one hand, he was otherwise dressed like he'd just gotten off work somewhere, and had been walking the beach. Seeing my reaction, he only laughed.

"Easy. Just checking. You've been here for awhile."

"I'm fine." I sniffed. "Been watching me?"

"No." He said, holding his free hand up defensively. "I've just been out here awhile myself, and haven't seen anyone around to make sure you're alright. It's nearly midnight."

"I'm fine." I repeated, easier now. He only seemed honestly concerned. I forced myself to my feet and grabbed my shoes. I was really not wanting to leave, but I couldn't help being highly distrusting of him. It made life easier.

"I was just making sure. How old are you?" He asked. He was trying to make small talk. "Out here to watch the stars? Nowhere better to do it."

"I should probably get back." I said, starting forward. Keeping him right in my sight.

"No, you don't have to leave." He said as I went to walk passed him. "I'll leave you alone now."

"Don't worry about it." I grumbled, making my way back up the beach. I was actually really disappointed. I had been looking forward to being able to stay for at least a little while longer. I was rethinking that, since I couldn't even lay motionless on the sand without someone asking me if I was still alive.

To my surprise, he followed me. I looked over at him as he arrived at my side. He said he would leave me alone.

"At least let me walk you back to the hotel." He said at my look. "A kid like you wandering alone?"

"A kid like me?" I demanded. "What do you know about me?"

"Whoa." He laughed, hardly phased. "I didn't mean anything by that."

"Then you should probably watch what you say." I walked faster. He seemed friendly enough, but I would prefer to get back to the safety of people. As much safety as they could possibly provide.

I knew from my time spent in Port Angeles that I was less likely to be bothered when I was around a lot of people, so I used that knowledge to my advantage, but I also didn't want to lead him straight to the room. The last thing I needed was for him to call someone. That would blow everything Alice and Jasper were trying to do.

Goddammit.

"Point taken." He said. "Where are you from?"

"The moon." I said, irritated. "I'm fine. You don't have to follow me."

"Do your parents know you're out here?" He asked. "Maybe I should inform them myself."

"No, you shouldn't." I snapped. "It's none of your business."

"But it is theirs." He countered. I glared up at him, stopping mid-step and turning to face him.

"I swear, if you don't turn your ass around right now, I will scream bloody murder."

"Go right ahead." He called my bluff. "You know, it would serve you right if I was some kind of sicko. It would certainly teach you not to go wandering around at night."

I didn't like that reminder. I'd run into a guy like this in Port Angeles last year. I didn't get the same feeling from this guy that I got from that one, but the words were the same. It was too similar, and I visibly tensed.

"Fuck you." I spat, turning back around and trying to walk away.

"Wait a minute." He followed, taking my arm. It was only instinct to pull my arm from his hand roughly and punch straight for his stomach. With him not expecting that, I was successful, and didn't stop to watch him crumble to the sand.

It was definitely harder to run on sand, but somehow I managed. Running as quickly as I could up the concrete steps that separated the city from the beach, not bothering to stop to put my shoes back on. I just carried them with me, and ran the entire way back to the hotel. I jumped through the front entrance to the hotel, and straight for the elevators. I was taking no chances, and I was glad I didn't. The elevator doors closed just as I watched him enter the lobby.

With as many rooms as this place had, I knew he'd never be able to find me. Just in case, once I got to the room, I double locked the door. It took me a minute, leaning against the door to catch my breath, before I could move further into the room.

Maybe I'd overreacted, but I wasn't about to underreact. Not when I was here alone, and not when I wasn't supposed to be. I was on my own, and tonight definitely made me realize that. I wasn't leaving the room by myself again. I would stay here.

I was alone the rest of the night, and the entire next day. After a few hours of nobody demanding I open the door, I started to relax a little, and I snoozed on the couch until dawn with the TV on. Not trusting myself to fall asleep fully.

I might have gotten an hour or two of very light sleep, so I was very cranky by the time they did get back that evening.

Only getting up to look out the little hole in the door, and unfasten the top lock. I walked away as they came in. Returning to the couch and laying back down.

"How did your night go?" Alice asked, closing the door behind them.

"Shitty." I replied tiredly. "Yours?"

"About the same." She sighed, sitting at my feet. I moved them to make room for her.

"When you take me to that house," I said, turning over to look at her. "Are there any other people around there?" I glanced to Jasper, watching as he went to the window. I didn't know what he was watching for, but if it made him feel better, I didn't care what he did.

"Not for quite some distance." She admitted, thinking I'd be upset. "The whole idea of moving you there, is for complete privacy. Something you can't get here."

"Good." I said. "Then maybe I can sleep." She patted my hands folded on my stomach, standing.

I laid there sleepily, watching Alice get to work packing my bag with the clothes I did use. Until I didn't want to watch that anymore, and I stared up at the ceiling.

"We're going to stop by the shop up the street to get you some other items you'll need." She informed me, and I sat up.

"Like what?" I asked, frowning a little. Shopping? Now? Couldn't they have just gotten those things on the way back?

"Really?" She asked. "You can't think of anything?"

"I'm so tired, I can barely remember my name right now." I snapped back, not appreciating her tone.

"The gift shop doesn't sell toiletries, Leandra." She pointed out and I sighed.

"Right." I mumbled, shaking my head. "I forgot." I had forgotten about that part.

"We'll just run in and get some." She said, zipping up my bag. "We can't take too long." That was fine by me.

Leaving the hotel that evening, the fact that they were with me helped me feel a little braver. There were a lot of people around at this time, walking passed us on the sidewalk.

Alice held my hand tightly, but I didn't really mind that. I held hers in return. I had no intentions of getting anywhere on my own, and I knew she felt better by that knowledge. Jasper walked along behind us with my bag, never keeping more than a foot or two of distance between him and us. I actually really appreciated it. He was like a moving wall. Keeping me from having to watch my back the whole way through the crowd.

It didn't take long to find the little store Alice had mentioned before. We got in, and I grabbed a pair of sandals to buy as well. She gave me a mildly questioning look.

"I won't need socks." I explained, and she nodded. Accepting that, she didn't mind. If wherever we were going was anything like here, I had a feeling I wouldn't want to be dealing with socks all the time. My feet were already hot.

We were out of the store within ten minutes, meeting Jasper out front. Unzipping the bag, I stuffed what I could into it, and zipped it back up.

"We'll get you more as you need more." Alice assured me, and I nodded. Alice took my hand again, and turned. Before we could leave, though, someone called behind us.

"Hey." I glared back at him. "I thought you'd left already." Just my luck, it was the stranger from last night. He was more dressed for work this time.

"I'm not alone this time, asshole." I snapped. "Keep moving." Jasper gave me a look, turning his eyes back to the man from the night before. Seeing how protected I was with these two, he hesitated, nodded, and left.

"Want to explain?" Alice asked as we started on our way.

"No." I replied flatly. I was only a little surprised when they allowed that. They didn't make me explain. Like they trusted me to have handled it.

Once they could run, we got there pretty quickly. This small, very small house in the middle of the forest wasn't bad. It was closer to where they needed to be, and very secluded, but even in the dark, it was _hot_.

When they left, I'd be so completely on my own, nobody would hear me, but that didn't bother me. Somehow, this little secluded house had running water, but I was advised not to drink it. It was safe enough to wash with, but that was about all, and electricity. Not a whole lot of anything else, though. Basics.

There were a whole lot of windows to this place. At least three large windows in each wall of the single bedroom house. Making the surrounding scenery plainly visible, but the windows seemed sturdy enough. A queen sized bed, a bedside table holding a small lamp, and a small four drawer dresser were the only articles of furniture the bedroom had to offer.

The little living room had a single sofa, table, and lamp. That was it.

Coming back out into the living room from looking around the place that was home until they finished whatever they were up to and took me somewhere else, I didn't like the look of dread on their faces. They'd have to leave me again tonight. I'd expected this, so I just sighed. Nodding.

"I'll be back by dawn." Alice told me. "I'll bring you something to eat." I just turned, heading back into the bedroom. I would do my best to sleep, but I knew waking up alone would be the hardest part of the entire situation.

This would be a very long night.

 **A/N: Well, this went a little smoother than I thought.** **Time passes quicker in the next chapter. I'm a little sad, to be honest. This story is coming to an end. Two more chapters left until it's over.** **Sad, I know. :'(  
** **THANK YOU to my reviewers! Without you, I literally couldn't have gotten the motivation to continue. I'm seeing this through!  
And who knows? I might find the motivation to continue on with next story. I know leaving it where I'm going to leave it will urk some people lol  
** **Long A/N short, I'll be working on twenty-one as much as I can. I've pretty much got the rest of the story outlined, so that shouldn't take much time. We'll see, though.  
Until twenty-one, my lovelies. :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

My first few days here weren't that bad, but around the fourth day mark, it was starting to grate on me. It was quiet. The kind of quiet that made me uneasy, because I had nothing to distract me from my own mind.

There were four rooms to this little house, and really not much to look at. A small kitchen, of course the living room, and bedroom, with an attached bathroom. No air conditioning, or even a fan, so that along with the squeezing humidity and heat only made it worse. So much worse.

If I thought the last place was humid, I was mistaken. This place felt like constantly being in a steamed-up room. It drained me even faster than the boredom or the quiet. I never thought I'd miss being too cold, but I was far from acclimated to the weather here.

On top of everything else, Alice reminded me of my impending 'monthly' visitor when she returned, and I wasn't looking forward to that. My emotions were already all over the place, and this would only add to it.

If I ever thought myself lonely before, that was an extreme understatement as to how I felt now.

Boxed in. Claustrophobic at times, and endlessly restless. I'd pace the entire length of the house, probably over a hundred rounds a day. Just for something to do besides be stuck alone with my thoughts.

There were moments when I couldn't take the silence, so I'd go outside to listen to the birds and animals out there. The humidity was the same inside or outside the house, so going outside where the sunlight managed to reach me through the thick vegetation in this area was almost too much, but I had to do something to get away from the silence inside.

On the plus side, I was getting pretty tan. My usually light skin was darkening. Not by much, and I burned pretty decently the first day or so being there, but after that faded, I got used to it.

It rained here nearly every night, so that was almost familiar.

Except these rains weren't like the rains at home. Even on its worst day, the rains in Washington were never as strong as the rains were here. A drenching downpour that soaked everything in its path until it finally lost steam around midnight, and was gone as quickly as it started. Leaving the sky open to suffocating sunlight the next morning.

As scary as those rains sometimes were, it was a welcome event after the baking heat of the day. Unless it had thunder in it, I was okay through the night.

It was during the day that I had the most trouble.

Often barefoot on my trips outside, as I never bothered with shoes anymore, I learned quickly to look before I stepped. The ants here weren't fucking around, given the new torn skin in the bottom of my left foot from their bites.

The ground was very firm, but it was all dirt between the house and the trees. An occasional stick or rock, but nothing sharp or uncomfortable. Besides the stupid ants.

I never told Alice about those bites. As relieved as I was to see her, she always seemed like she was miles away, and I didn't want to make that harder for her, despite everything I was going through too.

Inside, it was too quiet, everything too still. I'd spend hours sitting there, remembering every single time when I was too cold. The silence while they were gone was enough to physically hurt, and the migraines were debilitating. I worried, though, that these migraines were an indication of something else.

Outside, everything moved, and there was never a moment without some kind of sound. The house being surrounded by trees I'd never seen before, which moved in the slight hot breeze that blew. Insects and birds. It was much easier to bear being outside than inside.

I still hated it, because I was alone. Nobody to talk to but myself, and I often worried myself by how often I would answer my own questions out loud.

I'd cry as loud as I felt like, knowing no one was around to hear. The knowledge of just how alone I was way out here only made that heartbreak worse, but I was beginning to see the benefits of letting myself cry like that. Though it always built back up, I always felt better after crying with no restraint.

I cried during the day, only to snooze, but wake just before night fell completely to the storms just starting. So I'd open a window, and someone would return soon to check on me and bring me something to eat. I wanted nothing more than to beg them through sobs to just stay one night, but I knew I couldn't do that, so I kept it to myself.

I ate a lot of fresh fruit, and drank a lot of bottled water. Nothing but, actually. I was beginning to hate both options, and often chose to go without.

I was just starting to learn how to control my emotions again, but it was hard. Especially with the crushing loneliness and the never-ending depression I often faded to after my usual waking sobs.

Only a week had passed, and I was already losing it.

The first day of the next week brought me a visitor I could have done without. Teaching me the hard way to leave the windows closed in the morning. Jasper returned, thankfully earlier than usual that afternoon to find me locked in the tiny bathroom, armed with only the hairbrush I rarely used and a towel blocking the bottom of the door.

Somehow, a rather huge bright green snake had found its way into the bedroom and was busy investigating the dresser across the room when I managed to catch sight of it. This snake was probably longer in length than I was tall, but I didn't exactly stop to measure it. It seemed more curious than anything, not even bothering to look at me as I proceeded to screech and sprint from the room.

I left the windows closed and locked after that. I would deal with the baking heat inside if it meant not getting eaten. That mattered at first. It changed as I did.

And I snoozed, barely aware that December had been progressing.

I learned that week after stinking myself into it that a cold shower did wonders for cooling off. I'd avoided the shower like the plague after learning that the house had no water heater, so cold was the only way to go. I refused. Not after being forced to endure nothing but cold showers for more than half of my life, but here, it wasn't that bad. It was more of a relief here.

I'd shower just to cool off in the afternoon, and head outside still soaking wet. The breeze wasn't hot when I was wet, so it made everything just a little more bearable. Not by much, but it was a big difference.

My routine evened out, and I found myself adapting, but one thing remained horrible.

Sleep brought me no relief anymore. Not even a little bit. From the time I left the hotel, I'd only gotten fifteen minutes, at most, of sleep a night or day. I was constantly so tired, cranky, and very emotionally unstable.

This place was messing with my head, and my visions. It pressed me hard whether I was awake or asleep now. There was no chance of peace, and I felt like I was getting squeezed. Strangled. Boxed in even more. Closed in, even outside.

My routine soon became sitting in the dirt outside until the afternoon. After the usual spray-off, now clothes and all, I'd climb a tree to reach the breeze easier, and cry. Usually staying there, watching what I could of the rain clouds rolling in until someone came back in the evening. I'd jump down from the tree, and I'd go back inside. Sleep for fifteen minutes, and be up the rest of the night.

I got no news about how their mission was going, and I didn't ask. I did ask, however, about one thing.

"When can I be around people again?" I asked, trying to dust the permanent dirt stains off my jean shorts. I never thought I'd miss them.

"I really don't know." Alice sighed. "I know this is hard on you, Leandra." That was the same answer I got every time I dared complain. So I gave the same answer I always gave.

"You have no idea." I mumbled, drawing my legs up to my chest. That was the only way I sat now. An outer reflection of how I was feeling inside when Jasper wasn't around to give me just a few minutes of relief.

"Actually, I do." She said. "I can see it as plainly as you feel it. We're only keeping you isolated for your own good, Leandra."

"Yeah, yeah." I replied. "Because I can't sleep anymore."

"What would make this easier on you?" She asked, sitting beside me.

"People." I said simply. "It's hard here. Here, I have no choice but to think, and you know what that does."

"I know." She nodded. "Humans really aren't good with isolation, but you especially. I know what this has to be doing, but all we ask is to hang on a little longer."

How much longer? I was losing my mind here, and I missed so much being able to just talk and have someone listen. I missed my family, and I could only be strong for so long.

My breath caught on a sob shaking free, despite how I tried to hide it as I looked over at her. I couldn't stop the tears scattering free as she read my expression.

"I wanna go home."

She immediately hugged me into her side, but that just made it harder not to cry. I wanted to see my family more than any word could describe, but even without Jasper there, I knew I wasn't alone in feeling it. She wanted to go home too.

Nearly two weeks had passed since I'd been there, and I had yet to take off the key around my neck.

The first day of the third week there, I spent crying. I missed everyone.

I laid in bed for the better part of half the day, until finally moving to the floor at the foot of the bed. I never bothered to take the cooling shower, so my stiff clothes clung uncomfortably to me.

I didn't know where Alice and Jasper would take me from here, but I missed the hotel. Very much. I missed air conditioning, and the option to stay cool without having to go outside. I missed how the sheets of the bed there managed to stay cool, and were comfortable. Not hot and clingy.

I missed however little sleep I did manage to get before. It wasn't eight hours, but it was more than fifteen minutes every now and then. If something didn't give soon, I'd probably finally fully crack, and just lay down to die.

My entire body constantly hurt so bad, aching almost unbearably, and I knew that was because I hadn't hardly slept. If I didn't know before, I knew now how important sleep really was.

The hotel wasn't an option until I could keep myself from screaming in my sleep, or bawling like I'd been stabbed. Isolation was the safest way to keep people from asking questions, and with each passing second, I hated myself. I hated how I had no control, and I hated how I couldn't even begin to figure out how to gain that control.

Somehow, the silence started to help me.

The fourth day of the third week there was spent entirely up in a tree, and somehow, I knew they wouldn't be back that night as I waited for the normal rain clouds. Again, I hadn't bothered to take the cooling shower, so my newly tanned skin was as filthy as my clothes were.

When the rains never came, I spent that night staring up. I hadn't been out here at night before, surprisingly, and unless an animal ate me, I was staying to look at the rare sight of stars all night.

I would figure this out.

Thinking, as I did non-stop nowadays, I thought harder than I had in my life. Reflecting, remembering, reconsidering. One part of my mind working overtime, the other listening for any signs I was about to be eaten or bitten by something that would kill me. I was left alone, thankfully, so I continued to think.

Every memory I had, every thought, every half or full vision, every emotion led to one single question. A question I kept having to tear myself away from, because I was so very close to finding the answer to it, and just the thought of finding out that answer used to scare me.

What was I capable of?

What could I _do_?

What did I _give_?

I knew that fighting being here was only making it harder on myself. This place wasn't so bad. Sure, it was lonely, and sure, it was hot and miserable, but there was a limit to the suffering here. It was pretty, and it was predictable. Sure, there were things here that could kill me, but that was everywhere, and I had a talent for finding such things.

I missed everyone at home, but they wouldn't want me to be so unhappy. I could miss them, and learn to like it here. There was nothing wrong with that. The night sounds around me were so different than those at home. Focusing on that made it easier to focus on my thoughts.

What would my family tell me, if they knew what was on my mind?

Emmett would tell me to cheer up, and stop being such a wuss. He'd grin, and tell me that what I lived through was way worse than this place was. Rosalie would roll her eyes. I'd give anything to fight with her again, I smirked.

Edward would try to translate how miserable I was, and give me a long winded explanation about what it meant, just to attempt to make it alright.

Esme would tell me to smile more. She'd tell me that I deserved to be happy, and Carlisle would agree. He'd tell me to try to look on the bright side. He'd tell me that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, and I just had to choose to see it differently.

Man, I was such a pain in the ass. If I ever saw them again, I would be the perfect child. Or at least, try to be. I would take their advice.

If I just accepted it, I would stop being so miserable, and I would actually not hate it anymore. That was sorted, and I hated it less. Just like that. All it was, was how I looked at it. I was only making myself miserable by choosing to be.

Just like that, I could think clearer.

Through the night, I had found multiple answers to questions I didn't even know I had about myself. I understood more about myself than I had ever expected to understand. Sure, I was a handful. I was messed up, and I made mistakes, but I was braver than any other human I'd ever met. That bravery sometimes did border insanity, but who else could say that about themselves? I didn't think being described as 'too brave' was a bad thing.

And it didn't just involve certain points in my life, that bravery. By choosing to keep breathing, and keep moving forward despite everything I'd left behind, I could consider myself brave. I was brave everyday. Every time I recovered from a dream, every time I cried instead of holding it back, every time I looked back and realized how lucky I was now, I was brave.

That's what they were all trying to tell me. Bravery like that wasn't something that could be learned. It could only be earned. It came from pain, and from learning how to heal. It came from struggling, and learning to let go. It came from trusting, despite being burned by it so many times before, and since.

If there was one thing, one major thing, I'd learned since meeting my family, it was trust. There were so many other things they'd taught me, but the one major lesson I learned was trust, and that was from Carlisle.

From the second I met him, Carlisle had shown me what it was like to trust someone, and not have it end in pain. Not even just finding it in me to tell him my most guarded secret. The second he held his hand up to me, and I believed he wouldn't hit me, it started that slow build-up of trust.

The first time I'd ever made the decision to trust someone enough to tell them what I hid so fiercely, it was Carlisle that had shown me how. Patiently waiting for me to fight the fear aside enough to tell him.

That was exactly why he meant so much to me. He was the very source of my bravery. If _he_ believed in me, who was I to argue?

It was more than trust, it was more than knowing he'd never hurt me. It was the fact that the only thing he expected of me, was to do my best. Take one day at a time, and learn the things I never got to when I was a kid. To just keep going. That was all he wanted from me.

Carlisle was trust, and he was safety. Bottom line.

Carlisle was everything I'd ever wanted growing up. The dad I never had, and the very definition of strength, but patience. He was who I looked up to most, even as I struggled with my own impatience and quick temper. He was ultimately the person I knew I should strive to be.

I looked down, lifting the key enough to look at it. I'd had my share of struggles, and I'd had my share of doubts, but just because I was troubled didn't make me worthless.

That realization had me smile a little.

Still looking over the key, and the crest on it, I brought it closer. The silver key glinted in the dim light of the night around me. It meant more to me than just a piece of jewelry. It was everything I'd ever wanted.

I might not have been born into the family, but none of the others had been either. Well, most of them had been, in a sense, but I was just waiting for my turn. Just because I hadn't been born into the family didn't mean that I didn't belong there.

I did belong there. I'd always known it, and I'd always been accepted, but now I knew it. It was a fact. I belonged there.

Standing again, this time I let go of the tree. Looking up again at the stars, and still holding the key in my hands.

Nothing mattered anymore. Jack, the memories, the horrible things I would always remember. Nothing. My mom, my dad, my fear of abandonment. Nothing. My struggles, my fights, my doubts. My scars, both physically and mentally, even emotionally. My less than pleasant traits. Nothing. It didn't matter.

The only thing that mattered to me now, was what I held in my hands, and the way forward.

My past no longer mattered, and for the first time in my life, I was truly ready to let it go. To look up, to see beyond it. I didn't understand what that meant before, but now I did. I figured out what it meant to just let it go. To accept myself the way I was, and move forward. For the first time in my life, I was ready to move on.

I was ready now to prove to Carlisle that he hadn't wasted his time, and that I could be the person he saw in me that day. I was ready now to prove to Carlisle that I was ready to accept the fact that yes, my past and my childhood had been a shame, and it had been very painful, but I could take strength and comfort from it. Knowing I had lived through that gave me strength, bravery, and courage like I'd never known.

I was done being defined by what happened then. I would make my own definition of myself. I was sick of hurting my family by feeling that way. I was sick of making them watch me let Jack win.

I wouldn't let Jack hurt me anymore. I just had to decide to take comfort in the fact that I had my family for the rest of my life. That they would always be there to teach me where I'm getting it wrong, and to forgive my mistakes, as I was bound to make many more.

That was the key. My family. I smiled a little, letting go of the key around my neck, and feeling it drop and hang there gently. Alice couldn't have chosen a better pendant for me. There was nothing more fitting, than the key to letting go being my family.

The moment I let go, I felt a thousand times better. It wasn't so strange when I thought about it. I was choosing to live for what I had now, instead of die for the things I lost. As long as I had my family, I could keep going. I would keep going. No matter what.

The weight of my past lessened drastically, and I took a deep breath. Holding it for a second, I let go. Of my burden, and my doubts.

I still had this vision to work through, but I knew that the moment that was through, I would have nothing left to fear. I knew now, by thinking hard about it, what I could do. Instead of shying away from it, I inspected it. The gift itself, not the vision.

By looking closer at my gift, I knew for a fact that it had grown. I inspected everything about what my own mind was telling me. Without me hardly realizing it, it was much more developed than I thought it was. By sitting so often in the silence by myself, I was able to focus. Mostly without my knowledge, but I focused nonetheless on my gift and what it meant. In the back of my mind, I worked through my gift, finding the many layers that went with it.

While staring at the patterns in the floor, listening to the silence and hating how uncomfortable I was, by passing the time sitting in the morning shade outside, I had been learning.

What was I capable of?

So much. Much more than anyone had thought before.

I made the decision that night. That very long night, that the moment I saw Alice or Jasper again, I would tell them to take me back. I didn't care about the risks, or what could happen. Which was a lot. I didn't care anymore. I needed to go back. It felt so wrong to me not to be there. This wasn't where I was meant to be. I had to be there with them.

Jasper and Alice were gone the entire next day, and I found I didn't worry too much about it. I managed to sleep for three hours this time, and though the pieces of the vision had yet to show themselves, I was able to calm myself much easier than before. The emotions weren't any less suffocating, but I'd given myself the tools I needed to calm them.

The part of the vision I still couldn't see still hurt me, and I woke up as upset as I always was, but I no longer needed Jasper to take my emotions. I'd learned, without his help, that the trick was to just hold on. To breathe and bear it. Eventually, it would stop, and that knowledge was enough to give me a firmer grasp on the process.

I chose to use that time to hand-wash my jean shorts and the light gray tank top I had, and go back outside to sit in the afternoon sun. It didn't bother me anymore. I felt better about being there, even though I missed my family. I felt confident that I'd be going home soon. I felt sure that Alice would listen to me this time about wanting to go back.

I knew we would go back.

While outside, my skin warming with the sun, I was debating whether or not to go back inside and wet my clothes again, when something caught my eye. I watched it in the tree for a few minutes, idly moving down the branches, curiously smelling where I'd been the night before.

By the time Alice came back that evening, I was still outside. Still covered in dirt, especially thanks to my earlier wet clothes and skin, but I still felt much better. There was still about an hour of daylight left, and it seemed that the rains would hold off again tonight.

She found me sitting there, holding a very curious thin red, black and white banded snake I'd found. Its smaller size didn't worry me, and it only smelled me. All it did was wrap itself around my hand and wrist just tight enough to hold on as we looked at each other. It didn't look like it was upset, and it didn't look like it wanted to be left alone.

"Leandra." Alice seemed worried now, her voice carefully controlled. "You shouldn't be holding that." Knowing my moods the last few weeks, I could easily understand why she was worried. This snake was probably very highly venomous, and I had even considered that when I picked it up, but I liked it and it seemed to like me.

But she seemed uncomfortable, so without a fuss, I carefully kneeled up and leaned over to the tree I'd plucked it from. I held it out and it willingly slithered up the branches. Back on its way to do snake stuff.

"How long are you staying this time?" I asked curiously, watching my snake friend leave. "How did it go?"

I couldn't help wondering to myself how to go about telling her I was ready to go back. I still felt confident that she would listen, but I didn't know how to actually approach the subject.

"We found it, Leandra." She told me, and I looked to her. "We finally got the information we were looking for. I'm sorry we couldn't come back last night. See, we had a very small window of opportunity, and needed to-"

"It's okay." I shook my head. "I lived. The house didn't burn down, and some tiger didn't eat me."

"Are you hungry?" She asked, and I sighed.

"I'm hungry, yes." I admitted. "But am I hungry enough for fruit? No." I stepped passed her into the house, turning the lamp on beside the couch.

"Go get your shoes." She said. "I'll take you into town." That was certainly unexpected. She hadn't done that before.

"Really?"

She laughed a little at my disbelief. "Yes. We need to talk a little."

I couldn't help smiling and running off. Grabbing my shoes before she could change her mind.

We had to walk through town to get there, but I didn't mind. It was so very relieving to be around others again. Even though I stuck close to her side, it was such a very pleasant change.

Somehow, she managed to find a place that served pizza. I thought I'd have to be eating some weird food that I'd never had before, but I was wrong. I wanted nothing healthy about the pizza, so I specified no veggies. Whatso-freaking-ever.

Of course, I got looks for my appearance, but I didn't care. I was bound to get some, because I looked like I'd just gotten done rolling in a dirt pile somewhere. My hair messily braided.

She sat with me, making small talk until my pizza got there. When the real conversation started as I ate. The pizza was really hot, but I didn't care. It was real food for once, and I would eat through the pain.

"You seem to be in a better mood." She pointed out. "What changed?"

"I have pizza now." I replied as soon as my mouth was clear, and she laughed.

"But before." She clarified and I smiled a little.

"I just figured some stuff out." I explained. "Last night. I sat outside in that tree, and I did nothing but think. About so many things." I paused for another scalding bite. Deciding then to let it cool a little bit.

"What kind of stuff?" She asked curiously.

"That's really hot." I pointed out, setting the piece down.

"Leandra?" She asked and I laughed a little.

"Just some stuff that I've been told over and over, and I guess I never got before." I shrugged, choosing to sip on the soda instead. "Which reminds me." I knew now was as good a time as any to bring it up. "I want to go back." She seemed a little surprised. "I mean, I know being there is a risk, but I want to. After how many risks they took for me, I think I owe them more than running away."

"You didn't run away." She reminded me. "We stole you."

"Kidnapped." I specified. "But that's not the point. The point is, I'm here when they're there. I want to be there. I have to be there."

"Leandra, you know they'd prefer you be safe." She pointed out, and I sighed, looking down. I pinched the straw in my soda glass between my fingers. "That's what matters to them."

"I know." I said, not knowing what else to say. "I can't help it, though. I have to be there."

She was quiet for a moment, watching me. I began to get a little nervous. Hoping the answer wasn't flat out no. I really didn't want to argue with her, or worse, have to find my way back myself. Somehow.

"What I was saying before," She said finally. "We found it. What we were looking for. It took a bit of convincing, but we found them. They agreed to come back with us."

"You were looking for a person?" I asked, interested.

"Sort of." She replied. "We were looking for someone who would know anything about the legends here, and we finally found them."

"Legends?"

"They have legends here about.. Our kind." She explained. "Very long story short, the one with the answers led us to Nahuel."

"What's that?" I asked, not understanding.

"He's a hybrid." Her voice lowered. "Like Ness."

That was big. Like, really big. My eyes widened in understanding.

"Wow." I muttered. "That would really help."

"It will." She said. "If I can put this together right, I can help them, Leandra. Everything has to be perfect, though, and I need your cooperation." I frowned a little. "If you move from the spot I put you, it'll change everything that needs to stay the same. I know better than to leave you here without us, and I know better than to expect you to stay away safely, but I know you're capable of at least staying in one spot."

"I can stay in one spot." I agreed, lifting my pizza slice again. It was cooler now, so I could take a bigger bite.

"If I can do this right, I can get them out of this." That made me smile. "We'll stay here until tomorrow night, and head back."

"We're going back?" Somehow, that just then registered to me. My mouth was full, and I quickly swallowed the bite I'd taken.

"We're going back." She assured me. "I only told you we weren't going back because I knew if you'd known we would be, you'd want to shorten the trip." I nodded in understanding. She did know me. It irritated me that she would lie to me like that, but I was too relieved to argue. She was quiet for a second.

When she spoke again, her tone had softened and quieted. "Leandra, I'm sorry. What you'll eventually see in that vision is going to hurt you. I wish I could prepare you somehow, but the best I can do is be there when you finally see it."

"How do you know I haven't seen it already?" I asked curiously.

"Because you're talking to me right now." She said. "I don't know when you'll see the rest of it, but I do know that you will soon. You've been trying to see this for quite some time now, and it's slowly coming to you, but I worry about what the rest will do to you."

"It's bad." I muttered, already knowing.

"It's worse." She replied, and I looked up. "You'll be dropped off at home. To wait for us there-"

"You can't do that." I told her instantly, shaking my head.

"Leandra, that's the safest place-"

"No it's not." I insisted firmly.

"It's safer than where we'll be."

"No it's not." I repeated, looking up. "It's not. I have to be there."

"By being there, you'll only be proving that they've broken yet another rule." She explained. "You don't want to make it worse for them, do you?"

"Aro will know anyway." I replied. "He'll know everything everyone else knows about me." She didn't know how to reply to that.

"Leandra-" Alice started.

"Would you rather me be protected, or would you rather me be a sitting duck at home?" I asked quietly. "It really wouldn't take much. Aro leaves a few of his hoard behind, closer to home than you will be." She was quiet now, and I looked down briefly. "They know exactly where we live, Alice. They're not stupid."

"How much do you know?" She asked, surprised. I glanced around, making sure no one was listening in, but she seemed more interested in the answer to that than she was in any potential listeners. "Leandra?"

"I've seen more." I admitted quietly. "It's not.. Whole yet, but more pieces are clearer. I know.." I sighed. "That there's a reason they chose to meet so far from home. They wanted everyone.. Away from the spot they're most comfortable. It had nothing to do with the humans, like you thought. Out in the open, sort of thing."

"Why haven't you said anything?" Alice muttered disappointedly. "I told you not to try to keep this hidden. What all do you know?"

"I've done everything else you've told me to do." I murmured. "And you're mad about that?"

"I'm not mad." True.

"I wasn't going to say anything, because it's so confusing."

"Why is it confusing?" She asked, and I shrugged a little.

"Because." I replied. "There's a _lot_ to it."

She frowned a little, before understanding came to her eyes. "You know more about your gift."

"I guess it took being left so alone to solve that little problem." I muttered. "I know the.. Basics, I guess, of what I can do. I had like nothing else to focus on. It was always there, just way underneath everything else. I worked on everything else too."

"And you just know?" She asked.

"I just know." She knew.

"Tell me." She said, leaning forward. She was fascinated now, and I laughed a little.

"Wouldn't it be more fun to let you try to figure it out?" I asked smugly, and she sighed.

"Come on." She prompted and I smiled, nodding. It was hard to figure out how to word it right. She waited patiently.

"There's still more I don't really understand about it yet, but.." I trailed off, pinching the straw again and glancing around again. "I see.. Everything at once. You were right about that, but it's more than that. I see.. Decisions, too. Like you do, but I see the decisions everyone involved makes, and _all_ of the reasons behind them. Not just one person, or the main decision."

She was surprised at that piece of information, so I continued. "I see their reasons, and I see what could go wrong, along with what actually happens. While knowing the difference. I can't explain that any more than you can."

"So you've seen what happens?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"Not yet. Up to a certain spot, it's pretty clear." I admitted. "I'm still waiting for that part. I was right, though. There is so much more to this vision that I thought, which is why I still haven't seen how it turns out. There are so many ways it could go wrong."

"That's.. Actually really amazing, Leandra." Alice admitted, laughing a little.

"There's still more I can see." I said. "But I can't tell what that is yet."

"So," Alice murmured. "You can see visions. In those visions, you see every possible outcome, including ways things can go wrong." I nodded. "You see the decisions that lead to those visions. Every single one of them?" I nodded again. "And the reasons behind those decisions?"

"Yeah." I sighed. "It's like.. Seeing the blueprints to the vision itself. Everything behind it, everything underneath it, in front of it, and every possibility of it. Before the decision is even made."

"You found all this out on your own?" She asked, and I smiled slightly, nodding a little.

"I still have trouble." I admitted. "I can't make myself have a vision yet. It's there, though." I nodded. "I can feel it there, but if I try to look for it, it gets blurry again, and it hurts a little. Like.. Trying to see underwater. I know it's there, but I just can't see it yet because I'm not close enough." I frowned, trying to describe it. "Like at the point where it starts getting blurry, so many things can happen. Trying to show me everything at once, so it hurts to try, and it overwhelms me. I can't sort through it yet."

"Don't try." Alice insisted firmly. "Leandra, don't. I mean it."

"I'll try not to try, but no promises." I said. "I don't have control over it yet. Do you remember how I described my memories?" She nodded. "It's like that. It comes forward whether I want it to or not. It decides when it wants me to work on it. Not me."

"Okay." Alice sighed. "Just.. Talk to us about these things, okay?"

"I will when I have the chance to." I said. "When you're not off hunting hybrids." She smirked, looking down. I sighed. "I can't wait to go home. What are you going to do with me if I can't wait at home?"

"I'll figure that part out." She assured. "Don't worry. When Jasper gets back, we'll talk about it while you try to get some rest." I nodded, grabbing a second slice of pizza.

"And you'll talk about me." I muttered confidently. We both laughed at that, and I looked down. I was quiet for a minute while I ate. Until I thought of something.

"You know." I mumbled, looking back up. "There's something I never asked you."

"What's that?" She asked.

"That day.. The day I met you.. You chose me." I said, and she smiled. "Did you see me coming?"

"No." She answered. "But I saw you when you got there."

"There were four of us there." I reasoned. "You could have chosen one of them."

"I wanted to choose one of the girls, and I've never really liked blondes." She replied easily, and I snorted. Choking a little on the soda I'd just sipped.

"You dodged a bullet there." I laughed when I recovered. "Rachel was such a bitch."

"I could tell." She nodded confidently.

"As many problems as I cause you and the family," I murmured. "I'm so glad I punched her stupid face in that day." It was her turn to laugh.

"Leandra." She scolded lightly.

"What?" I asked. "She deserved it, and man, it felt good."

She was quiet for a moment, just watching me.

"I chose you that day because you needed to be chosen." She finally admitted.

"More than you even know." I replied quietly, glancing up. She smiled a little at me. "Can we go back tonight?"

"Sorry." She laughed. "Tomorrow night, because you need to rest." Was it that obvious? "And they need to prepare."

"I'd be a distraction." I guessed, and she nodded. "I can't help it, though. It feels so wrong to be here."

"Believe me. I know." She replied. "But don't worry so much. I'm on this, and I know what I'm doing."

"I trust you." I mumbled. "Just impatient. It feels like I've been here for years. I need to tell them that they're right. About everything, and I need to tell them that they don't have to worry about me anymore. I need to tell them I'm okay."

"You will." She assured me. "You'll get your chance to tell them that. All of that." She seemed sad about that, though. I caught that.

We returned to the house not long later to find Jasper had gotten back. This was where I met Nahuel and Huilen. The hybrid, and his aunt. They seemed fascinated by me instantly, but I needed to get some sleep. Three hours definitely wasn't enough to hold me.

"Remember." Alice muttered to me as I hugged her. "Don't try to be brave about it. If you recall anything tonight while you sleep, we'll be here all night."

I nodded a little, turning without another word. Her continuously warning me about the vision worried me. I'd known before that it was bad, but I worried about how bad it really could be.

I lay in bed for some time, thinking about what I'd thought about the night before. I was suddenly a little grateful for being kidnapped. If I had stayed, I probably never would have been forced to think about these things, and I never would have learned all I had about myself.

I fell asleep, feeling like I'd grown more in the last few weeks than I had in the last year of my life. It was always easier to sleep when I knew they were here. Even if they had brought new people by.

The following day, the boat ride back was delayed until later in the night, just after evening fell, which was bad, but Alice assured us we'd get there in time. A little late, but not too late. They'd chosen a more comfortable boat this time, one that didn't need to be towed, but I was still tense. The closer we got to home, the more I felt it.

Jasper and Alice spoke quietly to each other, but I was a bit distracted. Nahuel and Huilen chose to speak to me instead of them.

"It has to scare you." Nahuel prompted, and I looked up. "Being the only human."

"It doesn't." I replied. "Because they're all I have."

"You're.. A pet?" Huilen asked, trying to make some sense of it. "Forgive me, because I don't understand."

"It's okay." I smirked a little. "I'm not a pet. My family lives like humans live. I met Alice first, then I met Carlisle."

"Your coven leader." Nahuel nodded, and I looked to him again.

"My dad." I corrected quietly. "He and Esme have been trying for almost two years to raise me."

"Raise you?" Nahuel asked. "Are you not already raised?"

"Not yet." I said. "I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go. They're my family."

"It is a great risk to keep you with them." Huilen pointed out. "Yet they choose to keep you anyway."

"I don't get it either." I smiled a little. "But there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's how I feel."

"It's not often humans choose the company of our kind." Huilen smiled a little, and I nodded.

"I've been told." I laughed a little. "I'm not like other humans. I never have been. Maybe that's what made Carlisle look closer that day. I can't say for sure why he thought that I deserved to be saved, but I've known all along, I guess, that I belonged there. Even before I met him. Sometimes it feels like I always knew that I wasn't where I should have been."

"You're special." Nahuel nodded. "You have a gift."

"We didn't know that before." I explained. "I've only known about it for a couple of months now. I've hated it this whole time."

"Would it not be a gift to see what has yet to happen?" Huilen asked curiously.

"It's.. Trickier than that." I tried to explain. "I don't have the hang of it yet, so it sort of runs my life. At least, it did until recently."

It was getting colder. I felt the change in the air, but I was the only one affected. Nobody else even seemed to notice.

It was first light. Just before dawn, the snowy sky just barely beginning to lighten when we reached shore, so we had just a short amount of time to make it to where we needed to be. I was taken on Jasper's back once again, Alice trailing behind us. Leading Huilen and Nahuel behind her.

For a moment, we stopped. It was much colder here. Having acclimated to the humidity and temperature of Brazil, I shivered hard. Not used to the snow anymore.

"I'll take her." Alice volunteered, and I looked over.

"I'm not going anywhere." I spoke from Jasper's back. "But to Carlisle and Esme."

"Relax." She said. "I'll wait there with you while you get a change of clothes, so you don't freeze to death." My sweater wasn't enough.

"Promise me." I said through my trembles, narrowing my eyes.

"I swear, Leandra." She responded, taking me from Jasper's back. "With what you told me, I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"We'll all go, just in case." Jasper commented. "It's safer that way. We need to be careful." I had an easier time believing that. Having them all there, for some reason, made it easier to believe that they wouldn't leave me.

I was shivering roughly by the time we got to the empty house. It was snowing here too, but it was as much a relief to see it as it always was. It still meant the same to me as it always did. I had been missing my family this whole time, but didn't often think about how much I missed the house too.

Inside was a lot warmer than I expected. The moment I stepped in, I sighed heavily, and flopped face down on the couch. Every inch of me just wanted to stay there, and never leave the relief of being home. It was physical.

"They're not here." I mumbled into the cushion.

"We should hurry." Jasper said, looking around.

"We're already running late." Alice told me. "They're already there. It's already started."

That had me hopping up. Darting as quickly as I could to my room. I didn't want to be the reason we were too late. I didn't know it was going to be so soon.

"Don't leave without me." I called back.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jasper assured me, and he was telling the truth. I knew that immediately. Alice had filled him in, obviously.

I'd missed home more than I thought. Almost a month away from it. Now seeing the familiar sights, knowing my way around. It was a little bittersweet, but it would have been better if my family had been there.

I still missed them more than anything.

Opening my bedroom door, I could see instantly that it was just the same as when I'd left it. Nobody had messed with a thing, only added to it. My bed still sat unmade, and as badly as I ached to fall into it and just pretend the last several months had been a bad dream, I couldn't do that.

I had to take a minute, standing there in my bedroom as I saw the pile of wrapped Christmas gifts sitting by the lightening window. There were so many there, the pile almost reached the ceiling. It'd barely even registered to me how Christmas had already passed by two days now, but this was a painful reminder.

They didn't believe we'd ever be back.

I wondered what they'd told my dad. I was sure he'd wanted to see me for Christmas. What excuses they'd given Josh or Andrew. I wondered what made them possibly think I'd ever have that much stuff to ask for.

The year before, they hadn't been around. Two Christmases in a row we were apart. It was getting ridiculous.

I pulled on my warmest set of clothes quickly. Not bothering to shower first, though I was sure I had to be filthy. It felt weird being completely covered again, but I knew better than to think I'd be fine without being bundled up. The thinnest clothes I owned wouldn't be a good outfit here.

I sniffled as I turned, fighting the tears as I turned off my bedroom light, and scooted from the room. I missed my family, and it was pretty disappointing that they weren't here, but I would see them again. I had to.

I came back out, to my relief, spotting the small group easily right where I'd walked away from them.

"I feel like a marshmallow." I grumbled, pulling gloves on.

"You can wait there with us in the trees, but you won't move. Not for anything." Jasper told me. I nodded, letting him know I understood. "That's as close as you're allowed to get."

I sighed, looking around again. "I just got back. I don't want to leave the house again."

"I'm sorry." He said, lifting me quickly and easily. "There's no time. We need to get there now."

"Good point." I mumbled, sighing nervously as he turned and left the house. Alice and the two others following closely.

It took us about five minutes to get to where we needed to be, and we stopped somewhere in the middle of the snowy forest once more. Opening my eyes, it took them a moment to adjust to the brightness. The bright white of the snow was a huge change from the dark greens and browns of the surroundings of the Brazil house.

Jasper set me on my feet, and I looked around myself, realizing this was different. This was much different than where we were before. We stood behind the treeline, being completely hidden now.

I looked forward, however, through the trees and saw clearly the open clearing. The bright reflection of the snow was very, very familiar to me, and though it hurt my eyes, I didn't want to look away from those I saw standing out there.

I realized then that I had a front row seat to the entire clearing, and those standing in it. My eyes on a few people in particular.

"Stay." Alice whispered, gently squeezing my flushed cheeks in her hands as she regained my attention. "Don't go out there. Don't even move. No matter what, until I tell you it's safe."

"They're just right there." I plead in a whisper. "I've missed them so much."

"I know." She murmured, hugging me. "But please. Do this for me. The best thing you can do is stay put."

There were so many others standing with my family, and I knew every single one of them were there because they wanted to help. Whatever way they could. That was probably another reason why it was so confusing for me. I hadn't known this many vampires would show up. It was a little strange knowing so much about everyone, especially never having met any of them before.

The wolf packs, not just Jacob's, stood with them as well. Spread out through the group, and I started to hope, until I heard the very faint sound of a voice. It wasn't one I recognized, so I knew it belonged to someone in the much larger group standing across from my family and their group.

That had to be them. They were talking.

Just seeing the size of the opposing group compared to my family's smashed that faint little glimmer of hope into little tiny pieces.

"Stay." Alice told me. "No matter what happens."

I spluttered for a moment, suddenly deeply terrified, watching as Alice gave Nahuel a look, and turned with Jasper. Both walking away. Leaving us behind in the trees.

I tried to follow as they started from the trees, but Nahuel's hands on my shoulders held me back.

Jasper and Alice had meant safety to me for the last month. Relying on them for everything, and they'd come through. For food, and shelter. For company and comfort. I owed them, big time, for taking me away and keeping me with them.

I owed them, big time, for isolating me for just long enough to sort through so many things in my mind and keeping me from any distractions, as to figure out my gift. Had it not been for them, it would have taken me so much longer to figure everything out.

Not scurrying after them felt so very wrong to me.

I watched tensely, watching them get further and further. Stepping easily across the snow with purpose. Not seeming afraid in the slightest. It confused me, though, when they didn't go to our family's group, but headed straight for the other, larger opposing group. The Volturi. I assumed the one further ahead than the others was Aro.

What were they doing?

I feared for them. Giving Nahuel a brief struggle, he made a small noise that took my attention briefly. Like scolding an animal. It worked, and I stopped. Just watching now. The distance between me and my family really bothered me, but he was right. I needed to stop.

Alice and Jasper were stopped forcefully in front of Aro's group, and Alice offered him her hand. I faintly heard her voice carrying back over the snow. It wasn't enough for me to hear any specific words, as I was too far away, but it worried me even more.

She was let through, but it looked like Jasper was held back as she stepped closer to Aro.

What was she doing? She knew full well I was here in the trees, waiting. Because of that, Aro now knew. She was giving me away.

A few seconds passed, and she pulled back.

I watched, wide eyed as she spoke harshly to him, knowing that this was probably it. I could clearly hear her anger toward him in her voice. It carried further than her voice had before. I held my breath.

Alice turned and looked at the group. At the family. What was she doing? Weren't we supposed to be trying _not_ to piss him off?

Jake turned, and carried Renesmee off toward the trees behind our group. My eyes were wide, and I took everything in fearfully. Alice looked toward me now, and I knew she was meaning for her eyes to find mine.

I met her eyes, through the trees, even from this distance, and in that moment, I knew what was coming wasn't good. Just like the day she first had her vision of this, she told me with just a look. I knew to dread the rest of what happened. I knew something was coming that would shatter me. I let out a sob, and my legs threatened to give out.

The rest. This was the rest. This was what happened, and this was what I couldn't see before. Would it blur to blackness like it had every other time? I knew it wouldn't. I was going to watch this, because this was the main decision. This _was_ what happened, and it was firm.

Someone, any one of the ones behind the decision that made up the situation before me had been undecided before. Now, they weren't. Now they'd decided, and now it set this in stone.

I sensed what was coming, sobbing harder and flinching, even before it happened, because I'd been seeing it happen almost nightly for months. Without warning, Alice kicked Aro, flinging him back several feet.

I gave a quiet whimper, and fear roared through me, knowing the consequences of that would be devastating. My stomach went cold first, my entire body following. I gasped in a breath, and I watched as Aro landed, slid to a stop on his feet, and gave a growl. I could hear that growl from where I was, tensing under Nahuel's hands.

"No." I whimpered, giving a small fight.

Alice was restrained, pulled back, and our group took a step forward in response. I couldn't help wondering, though. Did she do that for me? To make sure Aro took her instead of me? Didn't she know that that wouldn't work? She had to know what that would do.

I didn't know what was happening, but I tried a step forward also. It didn't work as well. My breathing was racing, and I felt seconds away from losing it. My throat felt closed off, like I couldn't get enough breath. It scared me, making me sob harder.

Aro's firm voice said something that I struggled to hear, but yet I still couldn't. I couldn't hear what was going on from so far away! This was torture. A murmur rumbled through our group as Alice was grabbed, being tugged backwards.

It was happening. What I knew to fear was going to happen in the next few split seconds.

"Let her go!" Carlisle snarled, his voice holding an edge I'd never heard, or even imagined before. It scared me, speared me to the spot, and I watched, horrified as he ran forward. I fought in Nahuel's grip, watching desperately. He held tight, refusing to let me go.

"You _can't_ help them right now, child." Nahuel reminded me sadly, but I wasn't listening.

Carlisle growled a threatening sound that for a second, speared me to the snow in terror as he rushed forward. Knocking quite a number of others out of the way, and Aro rushed forward to meet him. It was happening so quickly, it was difficult for my eyes to follow.

He and Aro seemed to meet in midair. My struggles stopped when everything stilled again, Carlisle's body hitting the snow, Aro landing as well. Unmoving. I held my breath, waiting for him to get up. My eyes were wide, and I stood stock still.

Then I looked in Aro's hand, seeing something I refused to make sense of.

Once I realized what it was I saw, that I wasn't mistaken, my heart stopped. I counted ten heartbeats, and three shallow, struggling breaths in my own ears until I finally could no longer stand. Falling numbly, stricken to the snow at Nahuel's feet. Nahuel released me in his surprise, allowing me to fall. My head spun, and I stared in horror.

There was no swallowing this back. It felt as if the earth were no longer solid, like a weight had just crushed me to the ground. My eyes were still wide, and I struggled to take another breath in, but my throat was closed. I literally couldn't.

I could see everything just fine now, but now, I wished I was blind. I wished I'd never been able to see anything. I wished I'd never see anything ever again. It was impossible.

At first, it didn't register, my shocked mind couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Only seconds had passed, but it felt like years.

Nobody moved at first, probably just as shocked as I was, watching as Aro just stood there, and I swore I saw a smile on his face. My entire world had just shattered, and he was happy about it. He had just taken the very most important person in my life away from me, and he was smiling. The one person I trusted most, the one person I always thought would be there. He was gone. Taken from us just like that. That easily.

When it did register to me, several pounding heartbeats later, it only happened at the same time as I remembered how to breathe. For a brief moment, I could take in a breath, and I could cry. A sound came from my mouth that would put any wounded animal to shame, and I gave no thought to the fact that they had to have heard me.

I attempted to jump up, to run forward, but Nahuel's hand caught my arm and pulled me back. I struggled hard in his hands, and I flinched as they set fire to Carlisle's body, it erupting in flames. I sobbed all the air out of me, unable to make a sound. Sobbing harder than I ever had before in my life.

Jack's trial didn't even come close to the amount of pain in my tears. My most recent breakdown could only begin to compare. My knees gave out again as I watched the black smoke rise toward the sky. Nahuel let me down, probably sensing the fact that I couldn't move anymore.

All of a sudden, everyone got moving. Running forward, they didn't even hesitate. Ready to kill by the noises they were making. I rolled to the side, wishing I could just take one breath, or die where I laid. Laying in the freezing snow, I felt so very alone, it hardly mattered.

They collided with a deafening sound, even from where I was, and I covered my ears, squeezing my eyes tight. Everything was falling apart around me, and it seemed as if there were no end in sight. Or the very worst end for me.

My emotions chose that time to renew. A hundred fold.

There was no comparable pain, none whatsoever. Nothing in my life had ever hurt this much. I thought I knew pain? I was so deeply mistaken. I was so wrong, so blind before. The instant shattering of my heart physically hurt me, like it had been torn out of me. I'd never known before what that would feel like.

I'd never, not once, felt as small as I did in that moment. Not with Jack, or Ken, or anyone that ever meant me harm. Not the moment they left, not being made to leave them. This was the worst moment of my life, and I could still physically feel the damage it did to me. I folded forward, curling upright over my knees, sobbing into them the best I could, choking on the breath I needed, but couldn't take.

He was gone.

I knew enough about vampires to know that once that happened, there was no coming back.

"You can't be gone." I sobbed silently to myself. More of mouthing the words, as I couldn't make a sound now if I wanted to. "Please.." I didn't know what I was begging for. There was nothing he could do about it now. Pain-filled tears coated my cheeks.

I felt like I was drowning again. My lungs refused to work. No breath, whatsoever, could leave me anymore. Now that I needed him so much more, he should be there. Was I not enough? I stopped my thoughts right there.

It wasn't his fault.

Who would be there to correct me? Who would always be there when I messed up, or as I grew up? My entire world had just ended, shattered onto unrecognizable pieces, and if I hadn't known before, this would have proven just how much Carlisle meant to me. Losing him this way, any way, was so impossible, I'd never even imagined it happening. Never.

He'd been there. Always. Never failing, he was there. He always knew what to do when I needed someone to know what to do. He had always been there, he'd protected me. When he couldn't protect me, he found some way to help me help myself. He always made it right.

Always! How would anything ever be right again, now that he was gone?

The fighting.. The snarling, growling and violence in the clearing wasn't right. It wasn't how it should be. It wasn't supposed to end this way! He would know that! He had to know what would happen! They all had to know!

I sobbed, crying desperately on my side on the cold ground. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe or even bother to lift myself up out of the snow. The pain I was in, my heart shattering right there in the snow, crushing me under the weight of the pieces.

My arms holding my sides, my fists clenching in my coat. My heart pounding painfully in my chest, reminding me that I was still alive despite the horrific scene I'd just witnessed.

The pain was so deep, so resonating that there were no words for it. I couldn't even fully comprehend yet how harshly that had just cut me. I felt as if I should be dead, I shouldn't be alive anymore, like I should be bleeding heavily into the snow until there was no life left in me, yet there I was. Despite how badly I didn't want to be.

Somehow, I knew, though, that I had to be strong. To find strength in times I really didn't want to. I couldn't give up, no matter how much pain I was in. How badly I wanted to just lay there and die, I couldn't. I had to get up. I had to do something, or I would just lay there for the rest of my life.

I was suddenly angry. Undeniably angry. I was filled to the brim with a rage I'd never once felt before. I understood the noises my family made now. I was just slower to get to that point. I was at that point now, and though I had no idea what I was going to do once I got there, I decided then that I had to try.

My teeth clenched in my anger, and I finally managed to take in a breath. Though I still sobbed, louder now, I was literally trembling in my anger. Aro had taken the one person who was always supposed to be there from me. From everyone that cared about him.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do about it, but I wouldn't just lay there anymore.

I shoved myself up, tear streaked cheeks stinging in the cold, and more tears rolling from my eyes as Nahuel managed one more grip on me. Stopping me from running right to my death.

I was tired of being pulled to a stop, so I spun. Biting into his forearm as hard as I could without physical injury. I wasn't nice about it, either. I bit, as any angry creature would bite. With meaning, with purpose. Intent on freedom.

I was that wounded animal again, and I wasn't sorry about it.

I was angrier now than I had been then, though. The pain I was in only intensified that anger. I almost didn't care if I hurt myself with the fury with which I attacked him. His skin gave, but not like a human's would, and it startled him. Letting me go, I ran. Nahuel murmuring something behind me in sadness.

I almost tripped, nearly stumbling in my haste through the snow on the other side of the treeline, but I picked up speed as I recovered, running as fast as I could. It took me awhile to get anywhere close to the group, but once I did, I was seen easily. By both sides.

"Shorty?" Emmett was shocked to see me coming. His voice thundered over every other sound. Gaining quite a few other's attention as I continued to run toward them. "No! Go back! Turn around!"

In my confusion and pain, it didn't occur to me that I would have to somehow make it through the the group until I looked around, somehow living again and noticing that I was right in the middle of it.

Fear stabbed through me, and I looked around myself. Frightened beyond measure, knowing I was in trouble, but also still filled with an anger I'd never known. Nobody able to save me. Not while they were fighting for their lives.

I was fully aware of the fact that there was absolutely no sense in doing what I was doing, but I couldn't help it. My eyes landed on Aro, his eyes on me with a small grin, and I glared. I knew every reason behind his smile. He recognized me.

His eyes never leaving me, I watched tensely as he leaned over slowly, and muttered something to the one standing to his left. He, in return, turned and muttered something to a group standing behind them.

"Leandra." My name was called somewhere off to my right, and I didn't look.

Half a second later, I was plowed into by someone, giving a quiet cough of pain. This wasn't an accident, as they wrapped their arms around me. Lifting me up off my feet, and out of the snow. I knew by the way they held me that this wasn't one of my family. I kicked, glancing over my shoulder to see their black cloak.

I wasn't in the right hands.

"Leandra." I heard Esme's voice from the middle of the fight. My hair was gathered in his hand, and my head yanked back. Far from gently, I was squeezed. I grunted loudly, what breath I could take forcefully leaving me.

"We have a place for you." The one that held me growled into my ear. I squealed in protest, screaming my defiance, fighting as hard as I could both for freedom and a breath, sobbing heavily. This had my attention now. This made it through the anger. I should have thought about this before, but there had been no thinking. There was still no thinking.

I knew for a fact this had been one of the ones the left hand guy had spoken to. Though I hadn't even seen him move, I knew I wouldn't. Not with me being human.

My arms were pinned, and no amount of kicking would get me free. I turned my head, through the tearing of my hair and managed a very brief bite into the thick material of his cloak at the shoulder. He only laughed, pulled me loose, and readjusted his hold.

"Cute."

All of a sudden, I was released, thrown to the ground. I rolled, tumbling through the snow, but unharmed. I looked up, slightly dizzily as Jasper stood fighting with him. It had been Jasper that had gotten me released, I noted and I scurried away. I dodged feet the best I could, trying to avoid being stepped on or crushed. I ducked, half running, half crawling around people and wolves.

Everywhere was fighting, the sounds around me deafening and dangerous. Telling me I really shouldn't be anywhere near there. I felt the reaction, the fight or flight, and I warred with it. I searched for safety, but I still couldn't feel any kind of regret. Yet.

I looked back up at Alice's desperate scream, in time to see Jasper's head hit the snow. I gave a cry of my own, sobbing on my hands and knees. Not him, too! I couldn't handle this. This was too much. I spun on the spot, looking around quickly in every direction I could look.

I was soaking wet, shivering and cold, but I could hardly feel it. I kneeled there, looking all around me. Trying so hard to fight through the panic and anger in my mind to figure out something to do.

I was overwhelmed, frightened, and unable to hardly move. I was lifted yet again by the same one. Held uncomfortably. One of his arms across my stomach, just under my ribs as he pinned my arms yet again, and my neck pinned back against him. Ceasing any struggles I might have given with force that nearly felt like too much.

Literally, in the blink of an eye, I was through the fighting crowd. Straight in front of Aro himself. I panted in my fear, and the exertion it took to breathe in the position I was in. Looking up at him, I noticed that up close, he was far more intimidating than across the clearing, but I also noticed that this close to him, I hated him even more. He looked down at me, studying me closely. Recognizing me, and watching me with amusement in his eyes as I gave a brief fight. I clenched my teeth, and spat in his direction.

"Take her to the back." Aro instructed the one holding me. I kicked, struggling as hard as I possibly could when I suddenly wound up beside where Alice stood restrained as well. Handed off to someone else, I fought again. Looking over, I met Alice's eyes in time to sob once more through my clenched teeth, and give a much harder struggle. As hard as I possibly could, gaining nothing but a light slap to the head.

Just as when I hit Rosalie, it felt exactly like getting hit with a rock. The instant pain radiated through my head, as did the ringing in my ears, and for a moment, I had no fight left. I could barely see straight.

I ached everywhere. My entire body in so much pain from the cold and exertion, but I managed to watch as Alice freed herself.

She took out the one holding me easily, and I fell heavily to the snow. I struggled briefly to right myself, and crawled forward again, trying to find some sort of safety. Searching for somewhere I could go.

Every direction I looked was just as dangerous as the last.

I had honestly never been more frightened in my life, never been in that much pain. I had never felt so alone, so completely on my own. Never so angry and wounded at the same time.

I was lifted briefly yet again, by another member of the Volturi once they noticed I was free. That one lasted less than a few seconds before I was released again. This time literally tossed, spending several seconds in the air before I hit the ground, rolling through the snow again. I watched as Emmett dealt with that one, panting audibly for breath as I looked up at him desperately.

"Get somewhere safe!" He snarled at me, pointing back toward the trees. I started forward as quickly as I could. My head spun, and everything I heard or saw just added to it. Overwhelming every single one of my senses. I tasted the blood in my mouth, smelling it as well. The fighting I heard and saw mingled with the physical pain in my head and the emotional wounds I knew would never close. It made thinking impossible.

A deep rumble caught my attention. I looked over and saw a crack, a canyon opening very quickly across the frozen ground headed straight for me. I crawled faster, trying to shield my head as I scurried.

The crack in the ground, the earth falling away into it on either side, nearly caught me in it. Catching countless others. I didn't stop to see who was falling into it. I didn't stop, scrambling harder, faster. Having to jump once to get over a piece that very easily could have taken me with it. My lungs had never worked so hard in my life.

When I was passed the canyon's edge, and sure I wouldn't have to keep moving, I looked up, across the canyon and spotted Esme struggling with someone. I crumbled, watching her desperately clinging to the edge of it. Seconds away from falling into it, and never returning.

"Mom!" I cried as loud as I could, sobbing hard. I didn't even stop to realize what I'd just called her. It didn't matter to me. She was my mom, plain and simple. I needed her, and I was seconds away from losing her too. I couldn't handle that either.

With that tearing cry, I'd gained Leah's attention and she looked up, spotting what I saw. Without hesitation, she ran forward, and launched herself across the canyon. She pulled the one Esme was struggling with off of her, and they both fell. Esme clung on, watching sadly.

"Mom." I called again, my voice breaking with terror and emotion, and she looked back to me, meeting my eyes. I sobbed there, kneeling on the snow. Shaking with what I was sure was shock, as I didn't feel the cold anymore. She climbed up, leaping out of the canyon to get to me.

I watched her dodge the fighting pairs and groups, dropping a few of the black cloaks on her way by. Closing the distance, before she finally reached me. I reached for her at the last possible second, before I was gathered up into her arms, lifted out of the snow.

Securely wrapped in her arms, and we held onto each other. The relief I felt when it was her that lifted me first had my sobs renewing. I continued to shake, struggling to hold her tighter and breathe at the same time. She turned around, looking around desperately. She was just as overwhelmed as I was, that was clear.

Everything she'd fought to keep was falling apart around her, just as much as it was falling apart around me. Words would forever fail to describe the way I felt then. Angry and grieving at the same time. Scared and heartbroken, it felt like I'd been physically struck with the pain of my emotions. It physically hurt me to keep breathing, yet I couldn't stop. I was breathing as fast as I could, yet it felt like I couldn't breathe at all.

I knew she was afraid too. I started to sob again, holding tighter to her neck. Tears flowing freely once again as I held onto her.

"Please.." I cried hard into her shoulder, clutching her jacket in my fists. "Tell me he's not really gone." She gave a sob of her own, holding me tighter.

"I've got you now." She told me. "I've got you. I'll never let you go." I opened my eyes, looking behind her at Aro watching us closely. Yet again, my eyes met his. He gave me another small smile, seeing the pure unbridled pain in my eyes. I let out a sob, several more tears falling from my eyes, glaring his way with teeth clenched. I hated him.

I was suddenly moved, on my feet behind her with her back to me, and I saw why when I managed to peek around her. Three others, all focused on her.

Though her arm came behind her, holding both my hands firmly in her own. I held on, looking around us. I jumped, turning sharply to look behind me at the feeling of someone behind us. Esme didn't look. She didn't have to, because it was Rosalie. Helping to protect us. She backed up, sort of sandwiching me in between them. Facing the opposite direction, and four opponents of her own.

It wanted to surprise me for a brief second how Rosalie stood with Esme to protect me, but I chose not to focus on that.

Out of all the movement around us, we were the only still ones. I stepped closer to Esme, holding as tight as I could to her arms. This wouldn't end in our favor, I realized in a choking sob. Trembling violently, and sobbing with the fear now. As scared as I was, I could also feel how determined they both were.

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight just for a second. Burying them into Esme's back. I couldn't watch this. I couldn't. I was so scared. Overwhelmed. I needed it to be over.

Opening my eyes a second later, just one second, I looked around myself in panic at how dark and calm it suddenly was. There was no snow around me. No fighting, no sound at all. I still felt the cold, still smelled the snow and smoke.

Seconds passed before I even blinked again, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't even left Brazil yet. I was in bed alone.

I panted hard, as if I'd just been actually running for my life. Panting hard, as if I hadn't been sleeping. Panting hard as if I were actually just about to lose my mom and my sister and possibly my own life so soon after losing my dad and my brother. My heart sprinting as I looked around the single bedroom in the tiny house in Brazil.

 **A/N: Well, this one sucked to write. Though most of it was already written, there were a few places that needed touching up. Badly.  
I hope this one was decent. In other words, please forgive any spelling mistakes or typos lol I cringe every time I re-read a chapter and find something that shouldn't be there.  
THANK YOU! To those AMAZING REVIEWERS that decided to bless me with their feedback! I do this for you guys!  
** **Twenty-Two will be the last in this story. Depending on me and my shitty state of mind, there is a possibility that there will be a follow-up story coming shortly after this one.  
Until Twenty-Two, my friends! (:  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Panic closing my throat, I knotted my fingers hard in my hair, drawing my legs up to my chest. Breathing grew increasingly harder, and eventually, I couldn't breathe. I'd been told so often, I knew what to do like instinct. I used the last of the breath I had to cry one word.

"Alice!" I cried as loud as I could, my own voice echoing back at me off the walls, the pain deafeningly evident, even to me and the sob behind the word physically hurt to let go.

True to her word, she was right there. Less than a second after that word left my mouth, the door opened, and Alice was across the room, holding me. Jasper followed her in, sitting beside her. I fought from her arms, struggling like I was caught in a trap, and hugged onto a very surprised Jasper.

She understood now, sighing quietly. Jasper gave me a rather large amount of calming emotion, and it was just enough to let me breathe again.

"Leandra, listen to me." Alice spoke softly, such a contrast to the vision, but I couldn't yet. With my breath returning, I could only use it to cry. Sobbing heavily into Jasper's shoulder.

After awhile, I had to gasp for a breath, which was incredibly hard. Taking that breath, though, was what made my sobs audible again. Trembling violently, I hated that I couldn't let him go, and it was probably bothering him. The last thing I wanted to do was bother him.

At that thought, I suddenly pulled back, nearly falling off his lap. He caught me, righting me with concern in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around my stomach instead, trying to stay in one piece, which was proving difficult as I sat there, falling apart.

I looked over at Alice, and one glance told me she understood exactly what had happened. She knew what was killing me.

The anger flared up again. "I'm _done_! I'm done with it! I _don't_ want this gift anymore!"

My entire body shook with the cold I still felt, and the devastation choking me, my voice included. I _hated_ how badly this hurt me. It hurt me how much anger and hate I felt. Everything fed itself and kept it going.

I knew as well as anyone that I couldn't just get rid of it, but at the same time, I couldn't take seeing those things anymore. First with Bella, and then with everyone else, I cried harder than I ever had before.

"You're not done." Alice replied gently. "You're not allowed to be. I know. Believe me, I know."

"That's not enough." I was almost pleading now. "Y-You _saw_.." I couldn't stop myself, despite how much this had to be hurting her too.

They waited, giving me a chance to calm down as much as I could. Which really wasn't a lot. I was still torn, deeply heartbroken over what I'd just seen. Tears only poured faster the more I could breathe, and I still saw it. I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't squeeze my eyes shut like I wanted to without seeing the bright white of the snowy clearing around me, or the fighting. In the back of my mind, I still heard it. I heard the fighting.

"I made that decision only for the sake of that vision." Alice explained. "All it takes is me deciding not to do what I did, and the rest of the vision changes. All that shows is how easily Aro underestimates us, and it's something he needs to see to influence his decision."

So it was _her_ that made the decision to turn that vision into what it was. I looked over at her, torn between wanting to hit her and plead with her.

"It doesn't have to be that way." I bawled. My voice was far more pleading, and I shook my head with tears renewing down my cheeks. My breathing hitched in emotion, and trembling along with the rest of me. "I can't do it, Alice, please.. _Why_?"

"Aro has to see that vision first." She stressed. "I know how much it hurts, but I cannot change my decision yet. I promise you, though, that I will. I'm so sorry you saw that." Her hand smoothed the back of my head comfortingly, and I flinched away. I could really do without contact I couldn't see, and she really wasn't my favorite person right then.

"Tomorrow night, we'll be going home." Alice assured me, but that wasn't a comfort. She was trying to distract me, but it wasn't possible.

"Why would you do that, Alice? Why would you do that on _purpose_? Don't you know how stupid that is?" I cried hard. "Didn't _he_ know how stupid that was?"

She knew who I meant.

With worry, I still felt like I didn't want to continue living. I still felt as crushed as I was in that vision. Even knowing it hadn't even happened yet, I still felt everything I felt in that vision, my heart shattered into a thousand, million tiny pieces that I knew would never heal. The panic, the rage. All of it.

"This is worrying me." Jasper admitted, and I gathered quickly that there were things he hadn't been told. Probably the part where he died too. I looked over at him.

"That vision has to stay the way it is for now." She told me again. "But I _swear_ , it won't end that way."

I wasn't hearing her clearly. Too upset to let myself calm down. The pain of my shattered heart still physically hurt me.

Jasper was trying his hardest to calm me slowly first before trying to steal everything from me like he'd done before. He didn't want to do that again, and part of me understood his hesitation, but I felt his efforts at a slow calm-down, and fought them.

"You can't do that." My voice was so heartbreakingly pained, it hurt even me to hear it. "Alice, please. Don't do it." It was quiet for a few seconds, and I vaguely felt Jasper nod.

He sighed, seeming to brace himself before every last bit of my emotion was stolen.

It took me a moment for my cries to stop, as that had been a physical reaction to the emotion that was now gone, but when my cries did stop, I faced the exhaustion I knew so well. The numbness I knew so well.

"It just keeps going." Jasper muttered, but I knew he had a better hold of them this time.

"It won't end that way, Leandra." Alice repeated now that I could listen. "I promise you."

"It already did." I looked over through left over tears, and saw her expression shift toward concern. She obviously didn't understand how _real_ that was to me. I felt like I should have been covered in bruises. The pain just under the skin. I had experienced everything like I'd actually experienced it, and it had destroyed me.

She could tell me that until the end of time, but to me, it had already happened. Until I could see for myself that Carlisle was actually fine, I wouldn't begin to believe her. Despite the fact that I could see for myself that Jasper was perfectly fine.

That's when it started.

The entire next day I refused to speak. I never said another word, sitting upright to ensure I stayed awake. I couldn't handle seeing that again. I couldn't. Until Alice could change the vision at the last possible second, I wouldn't sleep. I didn't sleep the rest of the night, and I didn't sleep the next day. No matter how tired I was.

I was just there, but not.

It didn't bother me when I overheard Jasper telling Alice that he wasn't helping me anymore. That I was numb now on my own. It didn't bother me to see them bothered. I didn't bother telling them not to bother. I just waited. Going through the motions, because I knew I had to.

It was the longest day of the trip so far, but I spent it in complete silence. When it was time to go home, just passed sunset that night, I wasn't as excited as I was before. I went along with it, but I was so terrified of going back, just to see the things I saw happen all over again. I did hold out a little hope, though, that Alice knew what she was talking about. I had no choice.

I didn't sleep the entire way back, and I wasn't very talkative this time. I hoped Nahuel understood. Neither of them seemed too upset with me. I just kept my eyes down and attempted not to feel cold. I did eventually need to grab my sweater, and that helped, but after spending nearly a month in an oven, the change in the air affected me again.

I didn't count on sleeping for a very long time when we arrived at the exact same moment we had in the vision.

The time of first light. The moment just passed night, right before dawn.

It seemed colder now, even more real, but it didn't bother me this time. I didn't care about that. I was so tired, just completely wiped out, it wasn't a surprise at all to be carried. My eyes still begged to close, but again, I couldn't do that.

I climbed out of the boat, looking over at Alice as she helped me. She read my expression easily.

"Trust me." She insisted gently, but it was so hard to do that. She couldn't even know, because if she knew, she wouldn't ask me to do that. Standing on the sand of the coast, I was suddenly under the impression that there were a few details she didn't have. Things I knew that she didn't.

I was taken home, just like before. Alice said everything had to stay the same. My bed still called to me, even louder when I saw it. The very same as it had been in the vision, but stronger now because I knew what could happen. I wanted nothing more than to hide from it.

I took as much time as I had last time in my room. I even chose the same clothes. Not bothering to change my selection when I held the same sweater. Right down to the same socks. I didn't bother waiting this time, though. Refusing to look to the pile of gifts against the window. I couldn't stand to see that it was exactly the same as it was in my dream.

All the similarities made me want to throw up.

I didn't even blink as Jasper lifted me. I shut my eyes on the run, a slow tear and a sob escaping as I did so. Every beat of my heart killed me a little more.

I visibly trembled this time as I was lowered to my feet in the snowy forest. I looked up, as I had before, to see my family standing there. Perfectly fine. For now. I listened to Aro speaking, waiting for the moment that Alice and Jasper would have to leave me.

Seconds away now. Minutes from the moment I would die all over again. It was even harder now not to just go out there, and beg for things to end differently. I would have given anything at that point.

"I know what I'm doing." Alice assured me in a whisper, taking my cheeks as she had before, looking into my eyes fiercely. "Trust me."

My emotions surfaced for a brief second, and she saw them. She saw the flash of pain in my eyes, the fear, and how much I didn't want to watch what was coming. I couldn't help the silent sob, and my painfully tearing eyes turned pleading. I was so afraid.

"Trust me, Leandra."

I took my eyes from Alice's and watched my family through the trees, staring their way between her and Jasper. Seeing them again, standing and waiting like that bothered me. They had no idea what could go wrong. How wrong things could go with just one simple decision.

Just like before, they walked forward. Leaving me standing there with Nahuel and Huilen. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't watch this again.

"Please.." I couldn't help whispering under my breath, my voice a puff in the air. "No more.." I was barely standing as it was. I paid no mind to Nahuel behind me, or Huilen beside him. I didn't care about them.

I was more than tempted to run off, but I stayed. Afraid that if I moved, I would break down just like before, and I really didn't want to do that, so I stayed, and I kept my eyes on Alice and Jasper the further from me they got. I focused on attempting to regain my numbness, but the fear of the situation ate right through it like it was never even there.

I watched Alice closely, watching her and Jasper step across the snow, just like before. Stepping with purpose, and determination. No fear, no hesitation. Nothing was changing! It was all happening just like before.

She and Jasper were stopped, just the same as last time, and she offered her hand. I cried steadily, but did my best to keep silent. My breath trapped in my throat as I tried to hold on.

I did notice something different this time, though. Time passed faster before I even realized it, and suddenly, there was a difference.

Aro managed to hold her hand for longer this time, and when he finally let her go, she took just a single half-step back. Her voice was quieter than I remembered it being before, her words not nearly as harsh.

When she moved, turning her back to him, I gave a quiet whimper, cringing and turning away. I couldn't bear to watch. My panicked mind had already charted a path away from the fight.

Before I could lose it, Nahuel patted my shoulder, and I looked up at him.

"Look." He said in a gentle whisper, and I chanced a glance, through pouring tears and silent shaking sobs I hadn't even realized were there. Aro still stood there, but Alice had moved away from him by several steps.

"There is the difference. The change that will ensure that this will end peacefully." He assured me quietly, over the quiet talking in the clearing. "Don't be scared anymore, young one."

I watched as he walked away, leaving the trees with Huilen beside him. I watched, knowing he was getting his chance to talk. He hadn't gotten this chance before. Like I said I would, I waited. Now cautiously optimistic.

Was he right?

Time now went slowly. Painfully slowly, but my tries to stop crying were a little more effective.

A few nerve-wracking minutes later, when nothing happened, I slowly lowered to my knees. Continuing to watch as Aro turned back around. Alice never kicked him. She never spoke harshly to him, she never pissed him off. The rest of the vision had changed, just as she said it would. Nothing ever happened.

I couldn't let myself believe it.

I even waited, cautiously climbing back to my feet when Aro and his group left. Leaving my family intact. I could sense their relief from where I hid but I still doubted. I stayed still, waiting for Alice's instruction, which didn't come long later.

The group of unfamiliar vampires moved back just enough, and Alice looked right toward me.

"Leandra." She called loud enough for me to hear. Her voice carrying faintly over the snow. "Come here. It's safe now."

I immediately got moving. Forcing myself back to my feet and moving forward. Breaking out of the trees without a single thought.

I nearly tripped in my haste, but I recovered. I ignored the similarity between that and the point in the vision. All that mattered to me was getting to them. I ran as fast as I could over the deep snow. I ignored my emotion, needing to focus on just getting to them.

They watched me, from what I could see through my overwhelming tears, right up until I landed against Carlisle's side and hugged him desperately. I was in instant sobbing tears once again, the relief stealing whatever numbness and composure I might have had. He was here. He was perfectly fine.

Lifting me up into his arms, he returned it, surprisingly tightly. Like he'd really missed me too, which was also overwhelmingly relieving. He was usually careful about showing affection like that, but that seemed to be different now. I might have been a little old to be held like that anymore, but that didn't even cross my mind.

I had to keep looking at him before my mind would believe that he was okay. Every time I did, my tears renewed.

Stupidly, I couldn't stop crying, but I had a feeling they understood.

"We do." I opened my eyes, glancing to Edward standing there. Bella stood with him, Ness in her arms. Bella clearly didn't understand, but Edward obviously knew every reason. I'd forgotten for a second that I shouldn't have been letting the memory of that vision take my entire focus, but again. He seemed to understand, so I didn't worry too much about it.

I had my moment, but it didn't take long to get pulled away and lifted off my feet in a bear hug I returned. I recognized Emmett's arms around me, but I could still hear him yelling at me to get somewhere safe. He'd never yelled at me like that before, and never actually had, but I still felt the pure chaos in every bone in my body.

I cried against his shoulder, but he didn't even seem to care. My heart broke once again, and I couldn't explain it. Everyone was relieved. They were happy, but I wasn't. I wasn't relieved, and I wasn't calming down. Something wasn't right.

"Thank you." The amount of gratitude in Esme's voice had me look over. I sat back in Emmett's arm to look. She was hugging Alice. For everything they left to do, no matter how hard it was for them to do, and probably for keeping me safe.

"Alice." I wasn't sure what made me call her attention, but she pulled back and looked at me. It wasn't the fact that I called her name, but the tone I used. We looked at each other, and I saw the moment her expression changed.

The slightest tension from Emmett, though, told me something was wrong a split second before I was back on my feet, suddenly surrounded by my family so closely, I couldn't see passed anyone. I didn't have to wonder long.

"Forgive me." My blood chilled instantly at the sound of Aro's voice ahead. "I can't help seeing that there is someone I haven't had the pleasure of meeting."

I whipped around, facing forward now. I was terrified all over again. We hadn't waited long enough. Either that, or he'd made the decision to return split second. Just like Alice said he was capable of doing.

I didn't know what to do. Terrified, I looked over at Alice again. She was looking at me while everyone else was looking forward.

"She has no part in this." Carlisle spoke for me. "I wanted to keep her as far out of this matter as I can."

"I can see that." Was Aro's reply. "However, I've heard some rather interesting things about her, and her gift."

"Her gift." Alice repeated. "Not yours, Aro." I didn't trust her tone. She was getting mad. She hadn't seen this coming, but _I_ had.

"Of course." Was Aro's reply, but I had a feeling he was only trying to keep them calm. I stepped around Emmett within the tight group, and landed just behind Carlisle. I needed to see, no matter how much Emmett didn't want me to.

I recalled Aro's face immediately from my nightmare, but meeting his eyes now terrified me all over. Even from this distance. There weren't very many with him this time. Maybe a handful, but I did recognize the main members of his guard.

"This is it." I whispered, unable to help it as I looked over at Alice. "Alice, there was _more_. There was no right way."

I didn't even think about the fact that Aro could hear me.

"May I?" I could hear the smile in Aro's voice, but looking at him again confirmed it.

"What do you want with her?" Emmett actually spoke. Probably causing more tension. I glanced up and over as Esme approached my other side. Without prompting, I reached over and took her hand. I felt her hand close in mine, and I couldn't help remembering those last moments with her in the vision. Remembering that as clearly as any other memory, I looked again to the man responsible with a glare and fresh tears pooling in my eyes.

"Only to meet her, of course." Aro answered honestly. "Why, with our most recent discussion, it's my responsibility to ensure the safety of our kind. I need to be sure the human is trustworthy."

"She has never spoken a word to anyone." Carlisle replied evenly. "Nor will she ever. She has my highest confidence."

"Mine as well." Edward spoke firmly, but he was biting a lot back.

"It's not my intention to harm her." Aro assured them. I sobbed anyway. "But I am afraid I must insist."

All I had to do was meet him? If it was that easy to keep this peaceful, I'd have to set aside whatever fear I had, and just take those steps forward. I looked at Aro from around Carlisle's side, doing everything I could to be brave for just a little while longer, but I felt sick.

Aro was looking right at me, and I really didn't miss how excited he was to see me. I briefly thought about how much he must have heard from Alice or Edward. How often had we talked about what was going on with me? How many times had they been the ones to give their thoughts on it? If Aro heard every thought they'd ever had, then he knew everything they knew about me.

Including the discussion I'd had with Alice just the night before. All the things I told her about what I could know, Aro now knew. It was no wonder why he was so eager to take my hand, and see for himself the proof of what I was saying. It was no wonder why he risked coming back.

I couldn't stall much longer. I sensed it. I hesitantly glanced over at Edward, and he looked at me at the same time. I could see that I was right. I was exhausted in every way, but I wasn't done yet. Hesitantly, I released Esme's hand, only to cling tight to Carlisle's arm.

I forced myself to look up at Carlisle. He looked at me in a way I'd only seen once before. He looked at me now the same way he'd looked at me the day I had almost died. The day of Jack's trial.

The fear there in his eyes only held back by the forced calm, he kept his expression as neutral as he could but I saw it. I could feel it just as clearly as I felt it that day, but it wasn't news to me that I was facing something that could potentially kill me.

I knew he could see my fear as well, but I held tighter to his arm as his hand held mine tighter.

I took as deep of a breath as I could before I looked forward and forced my feet to move through the snow. I was shaking so hard, I was surprised I could move at all. Especially when Carlisle refused to let go and he came with me. His presence, the memory of what happened was enough to force myself to keep going. To face this when I really wanted to run away. He didn't have that memory. He didn't know, but that memory would always be burned into my brain.

As I approached as closely to Aro as I was brave enough to, I felt extremely exposed as my heart pounded painfully in my chest. I was terrified, and only partly because I knew every vampire in the clearing could hear how scared I was. I was facing a lot of them, but it was Aro I focused on. He was my biggest threat.

As soon as I approached him, Aro slowly crouched down to look me right in the eyes. Probably to try to make this easier on me. I knew exactly what he was doing, but I couldn't refuse this.

"It's _so_ wonderful to meet you, young one." He spoke quietly, softly, and I really didn't want to reply, but I had to say one thing.

"Please." I managed to gasp out in a whisper. "Don't hurt my family." I couldn't bear the thought of putting myself through this, only to lose them all anyway.

As badly as I hated showing my vulnerability, I knew it didn't matter. I needed my family, and he was threatening them all. My eyes closed in shame, squeezing tears free as Carlisle gently smoothed the back of my head.

"I don't believe there is cause to harm anyone." Aro replied, and I looked at him again. "But I must be sure."

"I won't say anything to anyone." I caught a sob, shaking my head. "I swear."

"Then you have no reason to worry." Aro smiled in reply. I swallowed nervously and I glanced around at his guard, noting how I knew them all already. The vision I'd had provided me with all the information I needed on all of them. I knew their names. I knew what they could do.

Felix was the big one. That was a given.

The one to Aro's right, behind him, was Caius. I knew his personality like I'd known him all my life. Caius had been the one to send someone, Demetri, to collect me from the middle of the fight.

Demetri, standing beside Felix and glaring down at me, had been the one to kill Jasper. I distrusted him most, besides Aro.

Marcus was the one standing directly beside Aro, seeming bored and only mildly interested in what was going on around us.

"You're sure this is the one?" Caius asked quietly. Obviously, they had been talking about me.

"It is her." Aro confirmed quietly. His eyes studied me. I remembered what I was told about him. He knew my gift, and he wanted to be on my good side. Maybe that was why he came back with only a handful of his group, but so much was already against him.

I knew his personality already.

"Leandra, is it?" Aro prompted. Hesitantly, I swallowed against the fear again, and I nodded.

"I just wanna go home." I almost plead again.

"I've seen some interesting things regarding you, child." He murmured, his tone oddly calming. He seemed perfectly friendly. It only confused me, and my confusion only worked in his favor. Was he really that bad?

"I know." I said, my tone just a bit stronger. "From Edward and Alice. More from Alice. You saw what I told her before she could even show you the vision she had about your future. Right?"

It was still cold, and suddenly, I felt it again. My cheeks and my nose burned in the cold, flushing probably brightly. I would have given anything to have kept my numbness. It sure chose one hell of a time to resurface. Perhaps reacting to the threat I was now under?

"That's right." He smiled, seemingly impressed, and I watched him slowly offer his hand to me. I knew what he wanted. "May I?"

He wanted me to prove it. To prove to him that I was the one he was looking for. The one from their thoughts. Despite seeing for himself that I was the same one, he needed to see for himself.

"Am I allowed to say no?" I asked quietly now. "I don't like you." He chuckled.

"I admire your honesty." He said. "But.. If you choose to refuse today, I would unfortunately have to keep trying. To be certain." I knew he'd do it, too. I'd just have to get it over with.

He continued to hold his hand out patiently as I studied him, unsure. As okay as I was with Edward knowing every thought I had, I wasn't sure about this complete stranger knowing every single one of my darkest thoughts. I whined my hesitation.

"Do it, child." Caius eventually barked behind him and I jumped, whimpering quietly. Retracting the hand that had hesitantly been reaching for his.

"Patience, brother." Aro corrected quietly. "Humans, especially human children are timid little things."

He held himself there. Waiting. I held my hands to myself, nervously smoothing my coat. I knew the threat I faced. I knew how much danger I was in just by being this close to him. I could feel it, and I knew by the warnings I'd been given. The only thing keeping me standing here was Carlisle right behind me.

I looked away for a moment, looking up at Carlisle very briefly. He was watching me, leaving this up to me. I appreciated that.

"Go ahead, Leandra." Edward would have known just how much I needed encouragement, but I had no doubts everyone else had an idea as well. He was the only one to speak up, though.

Vaguely, I recognized this feeling from the dreams. It wasn't quite as obvious as everything else, but this was its own feeling. There was no mistaking.

I briefly considered trying to make a run for it. I knew better than that, though. This wasn't some human I faced. I didn't have a chance, but all I wanted was to just get away. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be faced with this.

"You saw? The very same vision Alice saw?" Aro asked quietly, probably trying to prompt me into choosing without pressuring me. I had to admit, he was good.

"I saw." I mumbled in confirmation, nodding.

"Please. Show me."

I looked at him hesitantly, distrust in my eyes.

"If I show you.." I mumbled. "Can I go home?"

"I promise you that I'll consider it." That was as much of a yes as I was going to get. I _was_ human, after all. A human that knew everything about their secret. That fleeting thought made my heart sprint a little faster.

I sighed, trying to calm down.

"But you'll see everything." I whined, announcing my embarrassment. "Everything is a _lot_."

"I've seen many minds, child." He smiled a little. "There's no need to be embarrassed." He had _no_ idea. Maybe he'd gotten a glimpse from Edward, but first hand was a little much.

"You'll change your mind about that." I mumbled. I sighed, defeated as I swallowed that nervousness and stepped half a step forward. Close enough to reach him, but still close enough to hold onto Carlisle's arm with one hand. I was afraid, but holding onto him somehow felt like I was protecting him.

Slowly, I brought my hand to Aro's. Patiently, he removed the glove covering my trembling hand. I'd forgotten about that, so I wasn't that bothered. I resisted every urge to flinch my hand back the second the skin of my palm touched his, and he closed his fingers over my whole hand, trapping it securely.

Two things seemed to happen simultaneously.

He pulled my hand closer, nearly tugging me off balance. I had to release Carlisle's arm to catch myself on Aro's sleeve, and I had a vision at the exact same moment his other hand closed over mine. Like I was suddenly dropped into a box, everything around me was no longer there. The vision was brought painfully forward, and there was no way I could refuse to see it.

There was no hiding from it like my mind had been doing. I was wide awake, but I wasn't in the snow anymore. Even underneath everything, I felt the splitting pain in my head. Underneath everything, I sensed Carlisle directly beside me. I heard him speaking to me, and I heard myself cry out as tears instantly poured from my eyes, but again, I wasn't there. I couldn't tell him what was happening.

Something about Aro's gift, the way he held my hand had my gift automatically work. Aro was able to see this vision in real time, instead of just a memory of it. I was no longer alone in my own head, which was the weirdest feeling in the world.

I knew that what I was seeing, he was seeing as well. I was _not_ prepared for it.

Myself, much older. Fifteen, perhaps sixteen. Standing beside him and staring around at piles of burning bodies strewn across the dark, grassy ground. My heart broke, but in the vision, I didn't care. I knew from the sight that it wasn't my family, so that was a relief at least, but something about that vision disturbed me. I was happy about it. It pleased me to see the destruction, the absolute devastation that I knew I had helped him cause.

This vision was also different than my normal ones, as I saw myself. Instead of my point of view, I was seeing these things from another. Seeing the entire scene instead of only what my eyes would see.

Instead of just the scene, it was also silent knowledge to me, and Aro as well, what the intentions of those around us were. Their true loyalties, because their intentions directly affected everything about the vision in very striking detail. I knew who to watch, and because I knew who to watch, Aro knew who to watch.

Quite a number of them were there for the protection, others considering leaving any day. It was also clear to us both what our intentions were. Mine, being loyal to him. His, using my gift to ensure he never faced a situation like the one today ever again. The thing he hated more than anything in the world, was to be proven wrong. Especially in front of those who respect him.

I gasped, as he gasped, releasing my hand. His eyes were wide, as he studied me. As soon as it registered that I had my mind back, half a second later, I collapsed.

"Leandra?" Carlisle was trying to get me to look at him, but it was taking me a minute to catch up. What the hell had that just been? I was colder, trembling harder now. My stomach rolled with the pain in my head, squeezing me until I couldn't breathe. I prayed I wouldn't throw up. I felt how pale I was.

I sobbed again, quieter now and covered my forehead with my palms. It hurt to have a vision just taken from me like that, but the pain was easing, and I could start to think again.

"What was that?" Emmett snapped, but I barely heard him. "What happened? What did you do to her?"

No one answered him.

Somewhere under the pain, I realized that that vision hadn't lasted more than a few seconds, but in it, it felt endless. I had past and present details to a tee. I knew exactly where I'd been and I knew where I was intending to go, and because of that, I knew all that about Aro too. Because I knew, he knew I knew. There was so much information packed into a few seconds of actual time, that connection was blinding.

"Well?" Marcus finally asked quietly. "What is your decision?"

"Give me one moment." Aro almost snapped, turning his head sharply to look back at him. "Please."

He looked to me again, amazed. I knew I couldn't have retained half as much information as Aro did, so he could understand even more about my gift than I could.

I fought to catch my breath, feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach, but I was just as amazed, swallowing my pain through left over tears. One foot at a time, I managed to stand back up.

After searching for months for a way to make my gift work, here he was. Making my gift work just like that. As easy as taking my hand. I was still frightened, deathly afraid of him, but now I was curious.

He hadn't killed me yet, or even seemed like he wanted to. He didn't seem at all like the person I saw in my vision. That one was sick, sadistic. Conniving. This one was calm, patient.

He seemed as if he admired me, just as much as he seemed to admire Renesmee. Like I was just as fascinating to him, if not more so. Despite the fact that I was only human.

The pain was easing a lot faster than I was used to, which was the only reason why I considered trying it again. It finally felt like I understood myself. Like I'd just fallen back into step after being lost for months. It was an answer I didn't know how to look for.

"Be careful." Edward warned me from the group. "Leandra, please be careful."

Oddly, I ignored him. I ignored the fact that Edward was the only one besides Aro or me that knew exactly what had just happened. I probably should have listened to him.

"May I?" Aro asked me again, and I hesitated only a few seconds this time. I sniffled, clearing my hair from my face as I stepped a little closer. Very curious. "Bear with me, child, as I attempt something."

"We do not have much time, brother." Caius hissed to him before I could manage to place my hand in his. "I highly suggest-"

"Patience." Aro snapped again over his shoulder. "I do not want to ruin this opportunity. I need to be sure." Aro's eyes landed on me again, and this time, I willingly moved closer. "My apologies, child."

"Leandra." I muttered, and he seemed a little surprised that I corrected him. I didn't particularly like being called 'child'.

"Of course." Aro murmured, his impatience at the others not at all directed at me. He held his hands open once more, and though I still trembled violently, I reached up, tucking my hair behind my ear again before I placed my palm against his. He closed both hands gently around mine, and once more, I was given a vision.

Exactly the same, but this time, it focused on my cooperation much more than before. Giving both of us a better look at me beside him. I saw that my own intentions were pure, and I intended to stay with him. To provide him visions for as long as he needed me to. That's what he needed to know. I was okay.

Abruptly, however, the vision changed. And at first, I couldn't figure out what it was I was seeing, or how it had changed. The vision became clearer, like fog lifting and bringing it into focus, and I saw that this was me once again. There was a massive difference between my cooperative nature before, and this me.

In this vision I was the same age as I was in the last vision, and obviously immortal. But in this vision, I was curled in the corner of what looked like a cell. Glaring heatedly at him, daring him with my crimson eyes and threatening growl to step closer. I felt like an animal. I was both frightened and dangerous, given his reluctance to step closer. This me scared me. It unsettled me, not liking what I was seeing.

Again, it was clear to both of us my intentions. We both knew that the moment an opportunity presented itself, I would kill him and run. I wasn't there of my own free will, and I knew that bothered him. I wasn't pleased, not at all, and a very large flight risk. He didn't like that.

Once more, mid vision, the vision changed. Back to what it was before. My full cooperation, and obedience. Standing beside him as if I didn't belong anywhere else.

Slowly, he released my hand, and as soon as I was back to the present, I winced again at the violent migraine that had renewed. I pressed my palms to my forehead once more, as if that would ease it, and lowered forward until the backs of my hands were against the snow. Whimpering a cry through clenched teeth.

My head ached so intensely, tears escaped my eyes. The pressure was unbelievable, but what I had seen and experienced in that vision was overwhelming and terrifying in itself.

I still tasted the hatred in my mouth. The indescribable tension throughout my body, which shook me now. I strongly preferred the cooperative me, versus the angry me.

Aro rose to his feet, obviously thinking hard while I attempted to recover enough to open my eyes. Not at all concerned by the fact that I was obviously in blinding pain. Carlisle kneeled beside me, trying to get a look at my eyes, but I couldn't focus yet.

"I've come to a decision." Aro finally said. "We will leave her." I heard the sighs of relief from my family.

"What?" Caius demanded.

"We will leave her today." Aro repeated. He looked at me. "Right now, her mind is clearly not ready for a gift like this, and taking her will only risk her life unnecessarily."

No kidding. I thought my head was going to explode.

"But I must propose an agreement." He continued. "It would be a crime not to."

He was going to offer something?

I was listening, and he knew it.

"Absolutely not." Edward was the one that spoke up. His tone almost broke through to me, but Aro crouched down in front of me. I had no choice but to look up at him.

"My offer is peace." He told me gently, which captured my full attention. "From this moment on, you will belong to me."

I felt my heart drop. I wasn't so sure about that, but he continued in the same gentle tone. "In five years, I will return to collect you."

"Like hell!" Emmett growled, and that gained my attention. It pulled me out of my daze, and I looked back at him, now standing closer to us in the group. I had no idea where this had come from, but I did know I needed to say something.

"Emmett." I called, trembling. "Shut up."

I managed to get back to my feet, Carlisle supporting me gently, despite his own tension.

"Leandra, don't you fucking agree to that!" Emmett again, and for a second, his tone distracted me again. He was absolutely livid. I looked back again, longer this time. The looks on their faces made me start to rethink this. They meant everything to me, and every single one of them were very unhappy with this.

"In exchange.." I looked to Aro again as he continued. "In exchange for your cooperation, my dear, your family will have five years of peace, and as long as you continue giving me your cooperation, for the rest of their existence."

My eyes widened a little. This shouldn't have been a surprise to me. I knew his reasons as well as I'd know my own. He was using my attachment to my family, my desperate need to make sure they remained okay to ensure I would agree, and I knew the moment I agreed, that was it.

I knew he was only offering this for his own selfish gain, but that didn't make it any less tempting. I had to consider the other hand, though. What would he do if I refused?

"Don't do it-" I ignored Emmett's next attempt as if he hadn't even spoken.

"Tanya's coven too." I added in reflex. "And everyone else here." That was steep. My voice sounded heavy, almost desperate. He was offering something I could have taken in a heartbeat. I had to push it further.

"Agreed." Aro nodded.

Jasper spoke next, his tone considerably more tense than Emmett's had been before. They knew I was heavily tempted by the offer Aro held in front of me. "Leandra, stop-"

"And the wolves." I added again, cutting him off. "All of them."

"Alright." Aro nodded again.

"Do you promise that nothing like this will ever happen again?" I asked. "I need to know that what I'll be agreeing to will stick."

"Leandra!" Alice was warning me now. "Stop. You don't know what-"

"You have my sincerest word." He told me firmly.

"Don't you fucking-" Emmett again.

"Leandra." Carlisle's firm voice right beside me interrupted Emmett before I could, but it only solidified my next answer. The moment he spoke, it brought forward the memory of how bad it hurt to lose him. The moment he spoke, I remembered what it felt like to be shattered so completely, and tears started again.

A sob tore free, and I looked at Aro again. The pressure of my emotions was just as bad as the pressure was in my head, the intense amount of physical and emotional pain was overwhelming, and I was just desperate to make it stop.

"You have my word." Aro told me again, his tone even more persuading. "You get five safe, wonderful years with your family here, before you come to me, and be treated like royalty."

I had to admit, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. I'd always had a hard time imagining any length of time passed the next day. I'd learned to live in the present, one day at a time, so Aro's deal really didn't sound like a bad one.

"Give her more time to decide." Carlisle tried again, his tone firmer. "Aro, it's the least you could do." Aro stood up to speak to him, but I spoke up first.

"I don't need more time." I mumbled, and they both looked down at me.

"Yes you do." Carlisle replied, and I looked over. Carlisle held my gaze, shaking his head. Telling me not to accept, but that only pressured me more. Seeing him clearly like that was the opposite of helpful. Especially when he crouched.

"Don't do this." He murmured, despite Aro standing right there. "You are under no obligation to agree to this."

"You didn't see." I whispered in reply. "I saw. I _can't_ lose you again." He could see it. The new shattered bit of me that drove me to the very edge. He saw it easily. "I would give _anything_ to keep that from happening. I owe you my life."

It was true. More true than anything I'd ever said before. Somewhere behind me, I knew they were all telling me to rethink my decision, but instead, I looked away from Carlisle, right to Aro again.

"Okay." I mumbled, and I found myself nodding. "I agree. You have my word."

"Dammit, Leandra!"

"Emmett, shut _up_!" I finally glanced away from Aro for a brief second, before looking back. It hurt my voice to shout it that loud, but the determination in those three words couldn't be denied.

It was either go with Aro in five years, or be taken now, and not give my family the peace of mind they'd so thoroughly earned. I would rather have my family for as long as I could, even if the thought of ever leaving them someday broke my heart. But the promise Aro made was too good to turn down.

The vision still fresh in my mind scared me enough to find his offer very enticing. Even through the hisses of unhappiness I heard from my family and their group.

Aro smiled.

"Wonderful." He nodded, looking up again. "Carlisle." I chose to keep my eyes down on my trembling hands. My tears were still falling, and in the cold it made my face uncomfortable, but I couldn't stop it.

I looked back almost shamefully at my family, and I really hated the looks on their faces. Even from this far away, I could see I'd hurt them.

Aro continued.

"Because of her gift, she no longer applies to the human category, so as it stands, you are forgiven for being honest with her. I may look the other way as long as you give me your word. No more humans, Carlisle."

I looked to Carlisle, pleading with my tearing eyes. All he had to do was agree, but that seemed to be too much. He couldn't. He was angry. In reflex, I reached up and took his hand. He gripped mine in return before he looked down at me sharply, but I just shook my head.

I asked him silently to let me do this. It wasn't exactly up to him, though, and I saw he understood that. His eyes were set in a tense way, but there really wasn't anything he could do to change my mind.

Aro seemed to accept Carlisle's silence as agreement anyway, and he nodded. At his nod, I felt my clock start ticking.

Aro now turned to speak to his small group. "We've found something irreplaceable today. They are not to be bothered for the duration of these five years. Am I clear?" Every one of them murmured in agreement, but Caius studied me.

Aro offered his hand to me in goodbye, and I reached up without hesitation this time, placing my palm against his once more. He gently sighed, and I stood close to him without even noticing. I didn't get a vision this time, but I knew by the way he continued to hold my hand, that he was seeing something else.

This must have been the part where he saw my thoughts.

While Aro was viewing every thought I ever had, I glanced back in Carlisle's direction, and the discomfort bordering anger I still saw on his face as he watched Aro and I told me that I would have a very hard time saying goodbye in five years, but looking further, I knew agreeing to five plus years of peace for them was exactly the right move. If I could provide them that, to never have to face this again, I would. I'd always agree.

I sniffled quietly, turning my eyes to Aro again. Waiting patiently for him to get through with whatever he was seeing.

It took almost a full minute before Aro released my hand. As soon as he did, he only moved to hold my fingers rather than my hand, which I took as a sign of respect. He stared at me with an expression that almost bordered fear in its amazement.

He held my gaze firmly as he slowly crouched again in front of the spot I stood, nearly falling to his knees, which surprised me. If I could move, I would have looked away, but the admiration in his expression held my attention because I'd never seen it before. Not to this extent.

"You've seen the very worst in humanity." He spoke gently, almost quietly, and as much as what he said wanted to make me look away, I still couldn't. "You've seen things no one is ever meant to see, despite your tender age."

I looked down briefly. He didn't need to remind me.

"My dear.." He said, bringing my attention back up to him. "Forgive me. I must admit, I'm a bit speechless."

"I know." I muttered, feeling the heat of shame fill my face. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't apologize." He shook his head slowly. "I have been moved. You've earned my respect, and you have my word. You will want for nothing. You will never feel unwanted again. For one such as yourself, that is the very least you deserve." I didn't know what to say to that. "I will see you again in five years, my dear."

I took a shaky breath, and though I still hated him, and though I still feared him deeply, I nodded. He held my gaze for just a few seconds longer, and he was about to say something else, but something caught his attention and he looked sharply to the side. I followed his gaze, much slower, and I blinked in surprise as Felix suddenly returned, dragging someone with him. I hadn't even seen Felix leave.

I stepped to the side, letting Felix pass by, accidentally bumping into Carlisle. My surprise was loud at his return, and who he had in his grasp. My eyes went wide.

"Mikah?" I captured pretty much every person's attention. My family had no clue I'd been talking to him, but now, apparently they were meeting.

Mikah grunted at the position he was held in. Forcing a pained laugh. "Hey, princess."

"He's been lurking for awhile. He got annoying." Felix explained, and Aro nodded.

"Don't hurt him." I requested quietly. That was really all it took, which surprised me.

"Let him go." Aro waved his hand at him, and at once, Felix released his arms.

"Who the hell is that?" Emmett barked from his spot. I heard the tension even over the snowy distance.

"Uh.. Hi." Mikah chuckled, looking to Carlisle. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Guys, this is Mikah." I admitted almost shamefully through a sniffle, gesturing to him. "He's my friend."

"I'm sorry?" Carlisle asked, looking down at me. I kept my eyes down.

"Mikah." Aro greeted him, and he looked over. "You seem to mean something to her."

"I-Uh.." Mikah spoke, now nervously. As if he knew full well that who he was talking to was pretty important. "Well, I've been keeping kind of an eye on her. Well, more like checking up. If I'm crashing some kind of party, I'm sorry-"

"Have you now?" Aro cut him off, interested.

"Have you now?" Emmett asked, quite a bit less pleased.

"Allow me?" Aro requested, holding his hand out to Mikah. He seemed puzzled, but he gave him his hand.

"How long?" Carlisle asked me quietly. I didn't reply. I hadn't really anticipated having to tell them yet, and the fact that it was happening now of all times was a little overwhelming.

"I see." Aro nodded in thought half a minute later. "Thank you." Mikah nodded and took a step back. Standing carefully to my other side. I could tell he didn't know what to think, but it wasn't like I could explain everything right that second. Especially considering I'd just basically signed the rest of my life away, and he was a factor I'd never even considered.

Aro was quiet, and I looked over at Mikah.

"What are you _doing_ here?" I asked him in a whisper.

"I came back to check on you." He returned in his own whisper. "Bad timing?"

" _Very_ bad timing." I hissed, looking at Aro again. He was still in thought. I could only imagine what he was thinking.

"You will continue watching over her." Aro finally spoke, looking right at Mikah. "From now until I return for her, you'll be the one to give me periodic status reports."

"Wait." Mikah laughed nervously. "Um.. I don't even know-"

"Wonderful." Aro nodded as if he agreed. "Consider yourself a passive third-party. I expect you'll do just fine."

"But-"

"Now is when I must make my leave." Aro looked at me again. "I _so_ look forward to seeing you again, Leandra. You will be spectacular."

He paused only long enough to meet my eyes once more. I didn't know what to say, but I was stuck. There was something more there, but before I could even begin to figure out what it was. My head was still spinning, but suddenly, he and his group were gone. Leaving just us here.

I stayed frozen for only a few seconds. Almost disbelieving in what just happened before I was suddenly surrounded. Carlisle kneeling on my level, turning me to face him. The others, all around us, choosing to stand. Forcing a void between me and Mikah.

I heard the moment Emmett started barking questions at him, but I was a little bit numb.

"What did you just do?" Carlisle asked me firmly. "Why would you do that?" It was like I couldn't hear him, so he reached up, and took my face between his hands. Forcing me to focus, and it worked.

What _had_ I just done?

The moment I met his eyes, I started to cry. Hugging onto his neck as I had done earlier. He sighed heavily, the disappointment clear in the sound as he returned my hug.

"I'm sorry." I cried into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. You didn't see. You don't even _know_.." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see the snow anymore. There was nothing he really could have done. My heart was still broken, and this agreement felt like the only way out from under it.

He pulled back after a moment, looking at me again firmly. I only then noticed that Esme was kneeled beside him, looking at me as well.

"This agreement will not stand." He stressed.

"It has to." I cried, shaking my head. "I made it. I don't wanna leave, but I will if it means you'll be safe."

"Leandra?" Mikah called, and that reminded me. I finally looked away, looking toward a very nervous Mikah. "I don't mean to interrupt, but if you wouldn't mind.."

With a rough sniffle, I fought to clear the tears from my eyes and I forced myself to turn away. I'd nearly forgotten about that side of things. I pushed my way between Emmett and Rosalie to stand between them and Mikah.

Carlisle followed me, standing with the rest of my family.

"It's okay." I told them, wiping my cheeks with my sleeves. "Don't be mad at him."

"One of you better start explaining." Emmett snapped. "Because he's about to die."

"You can't do that." I pointed out. My voice was still thick with emotion, but that wasn't a problem. If anything, it probably helped.

He scoffed. "What have we told you about bringing home strays?"

"Nothing." I replied honestly. "You never told me anything about that, but he's my friend. Remember the vampire I met that day awhile ago? After being stuck with Ken?"

"This is him?" Emmett asked, and I nodded.

"He was there the night of the fire." I explained further. "He came back, and found me to check on me, and found the house on fire. He caught the guy that did it." I glanced over at Mikah, waiting for him to continue.

"I came back today." Mikah picked up perfectly. "I was a little nervous when I found out she'd been gone, so when I picked up her scent again, I thought I'd come find her. Then, I saw everyone was a little busy, so.."

Emmett gave me a flat look. "Shorty, are you color blind?"

"What?" I frowned. It took me a second before I understood. "Oh, I don't care. He doesn't bug me about what I eat."

"I never meant her any harm." Mikah offered gently, which seemed to help. "I never will. If that helps any."

They were quiet now. Obviously considering it.

"Can I just ask one question?" Mikah asked.

"Sure." Carlisle sighed.

"Who was that?" Mikah asked. "And what kind of reports does that creep want?"

"That was two." Emmett glared, and I looked up at Mikah apologetically. I felt bad that he was dragged into this. I'd never expected it. I vaguely noticed that it was strange that I had no clue he'd been there. I never saw him in the vision I had of today. I should have.

"We have a lot to discuss." Carlisle replied. "I suppose you should follow us home."

I didn't miss the look Emmett gave Mikah while gathering me into his arms. Mikah, of course, stepped back, but I could see he was slightly amused.

Emmett took a moment to hug me again. I'd definitely missed his hugs, because they enveloped me. Having gotten used to him by then, being squashed was no longer a worry of mine.

That slight relief was squashed, though, a moment later as he sighed heavily.

"Shorty, what did you do?" He was extremely disappointed, but no matter how bad I felt, I couldn't find regret anywhere.

I felt tired and sore, the cold still biting me in a way I was having trouble recovering from, but in a way, I was glad I wasn't hot anymore. Despite my discomfort, I was grateful for the cold.

I wasn't set on my feet until we were in the house. I immediately started toward the fireplace, though. Pulling my coat off in one swift motion.

Only a few of my family had followed us inside. The rest probably staying outside to talk to the rest of the group of vampires.

"Are you crazy?" I jumped, startled at Emmett's tone. "Do you even know what you just agreed to?" I ignored him at first. I was having trouble thinking straight, like my mind was still overwhelmed. Which it definitely was. Not only that, but as I started to warm up, a lot of my tension left with the cold.

"Give her a minute." Alice defended me. "You have no idea what she's just been through."

"No one does." Edward joined us.

"You do." Emmett barked at him. "Care to enlighten us?" He didn't reply at first, probably looking at me.

The fire in the fireplace, though, had stolen my whole focus. It wasn't demanding answers. It wasn't mad at me or disappointed in me, or accusing me of making the wrong choice. It wasn't expecting anything of me. It was only warming me. I shivered as I watched the flames.

"If you think we're going to honor that, you've got another thing coming, shorty." He turned and headed from the room. He was so mad.

It wasn't up to him.

"Remember what I said before?" I asked quietly, knowing he could still hear me. Sure enough, he returned. This time with Esme in tow.

"And what would that be?" He asked, still irritated.

"I don't wanna go, but I will." I finally looked away from the fire. "I'll do whatever I can do to make sure nobody gets hurt."

He sighed. "Shorty, that's ridiculous."

I didn't reply. It wasn't ridiculous to me. It meant everything to me.

"I'm not going along with this." He said again.

"Yes, you will." I countered. "Because I made the agreement. Not you. It's my choice. Not yours."

"You're just a kid." He said. "You can't make agreements like that."

"Too late." I replied. "I already did. _He_ doesn't think I'm too young."

"He doesn't know you." Emmett pointed out. "He doesn't even see you. He sees something he can use."

I looked down. I didn't know how to make him see my reasons. I glanced over at Alice briefly, but her expression was sad. She understood, but she hated it just as much as Emmett did.

Shaking his head, Emmett turned and walked out. Out the side door, so I stood up.

I followed him outside onto the porch, choosing not to pay attention to the other's eyes on us for now. One at a time was the best I could do right then. I stepped out after him, watching as he sighed heavily and leaned on the porch railing.

He was having a hard time with this, but the truth was, so was I.

I didn't want to have to leave, but I had no choice. It was the only option I had. Right now, though, I had to be stronger than Emmett was. I had to be the bigger person if I wanted to keep from arguing about it. I sighed heavily now, and stepped forward. Ducking under his arm and hugging onto his side, waiting until he returned it before speaking again.

"Can we not fight about this?" I asked. "I don't want to spend the next five years fighting with you." He was quiet, but he sighed.

"For now." He agreed after a few seconds. "Just because I missed you so much."

I stayed there, hugging onto him as tightly as I could. I was too happy to see him to stay mad. Two days ago, I'd been under the impression that I'd probably never see him again.

"What did he see, shorty?" Emmett asked a minute later. "That made him want you so much?" I bit my lip, stepping back and looking down. "Because as far as I know, Aro himself doesn't just go around claiming humans as his when they're older like cattle."

"Alice or Edward haven't told you?" I asked, looking up at him. Although, thinking about it, they wouldn't have had a chance.

"No." He said. "No one will say anything." I nodded, sighing.

"I'd rather tell everyone at once. So I don't have to say it again."

"They're all inside." He told me. "Already waiting for an explanation."

Glancing back at the door, I sighed. I wasn't looking forward to this. They needed to know my reasons and why I wouldn't be changing my mind. I wanted to get it over with. The sooner they understood, the sooner I could come to terms with it.

Emmett obviously didn't want to rush me, so I moved first.

He followed me back inside. I kept my eyes down as he moved to Rosalie's side. I didn't need to look up to see that the room was packed, because I could feel all the attention I suddenly had, but I could only imagine how much exhaustion they saw in me.

I had to take a moment, stepping slowly to the chair, and leaning on the armrest tiredly. I was ashamed, but not sorry. Taking a breath, I closed my eyes briefly, before looking back up sadly.

"It took.." I trailed off for a second, trying to find the right words. "It took staying by myself for so long to start to really get what I can do. It's more than you thought before. It's more than I even thought before."

"What can you do?" Rosalie was curious, and it showed in her impatient tone. I took another moment to think.

"I can see what's going to happen, and what could happen. The possibilities, along with what actually happens." My tone was quiet, almost a regretful hint to the sadness underneath. "I can see the decisions people make, and I can see their reasons behind those decisions. I can see every.." I paused, looking for the word. "Intention, I guess, and how they really fit into the vision. I know when someone is lying to get their way. I can tell when they're being truthful, or when they aren't as truthful as they should be." I sighed, sitting in the chair. "I didn't know that before.. I just barely figured it out yesterday. That's before he even saw the vision I had today."

"You had a vision today?" Jasper asked, surprised.

"More like.. He gave me one." I frowned. "I don't know how to explain it."

"The moment Aro took her hand, she had a vision." Edward explained quietly. "Instantly. The moment his gift started to work on her, hers worked with him. It was an instant connection to give him a vision in real time, instead of only seeing it after it happened like he would have with Alice."

"Well, shit.." Emmett sighed, turning. He wasn't happy about this.

"The second time he took her hand, it was to test her. To see what she was capable of."

"She obviously passed that test." Rose muttered, shaking her head a little.

"Aro was able to see the different outcomes of different decisions, by changing his mind mid-vision." Edward continued. "He had far more control over it than she did, and he saw exactly what Leandra saw, as she saw it. While he holds her hand, and uses her gift, it's like he has the gift himself. Their gifts are made for each other."

"Thank you." I mumbled, appreciating the help. He obviously knew how to explain it better. He glanced to me, before looking back to Carlisle. Explaining directly to him now.

"By using her gift through his own, he can choose to see who really belongs there, and who doesn't." Edward paused. "When he takes her, there will be no more secrets among them. Aro will, truly, know all." That didn't seem like news to them until Edward spoke again. "Anyone, anywhere. All he would have to do, is have the want to check up on anyone, and take her hand. She'll see what he wants to see, and he'll see it through her."

I was a little surprised. I hadn't even considered that far ahead, but Aro clearly had, and Edward was able to see it as Aro realized it. I looked down, though. I hated this feeling so much.

"This creates a problem." Carlisle sighed, shaking his head. The disappointment in his eyes had lightened when he looked at me, but I didn't like the concern that replaced it.

"It doesn't have to be a problem." I said, standing again. "I just need you to let me keep the agreement I made with him. If it keeps you out of trouble with them forever, I'll do anything it takes."

"Think of it as immunity." Edward added bitterly. "Because we'll be providing him with everything he's ever dreamed of."

"She might be giving herself away, but I'm sure as hell not going to let it happen." Emmett was still mad, and it bothered me so much. I didn't know how to make it better. I felt small again. Defeated.

"I still have five years." I murmured, sadly optimistic. "Five years is a long time."

"Maybe even time enough to figure out how to get you out of this stupid agreement." Rose commented sharply. "You're not property."

"I know I'm not." I said. "But-"

"Then don't act like it." She barked, and I closed my eyes, sighing as I looked down. "You're worth more than that to us, if you haven't figured that out yet. You're not something to be traded. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how much it hurt to lose you anyway." I replied quietly. "I couldn't watch that again. You don't know.. You can't even.." I sighed, falling back into the chair. I'd never felt so defeated before, and my quiet voice reflected that. "There was nothing.. Nowhere.. And I saw it.." It was silent for several seconds. Rosalie clearly not knowing how to respond to that.

"It was bad." Alice defended me gently. "I suppose this is partly my fault." I frowned a little, looking over at her.

"If anything, it's my fault." Emmett replied. "I should have stopped her."

"Wait." I mumbled. "It's no one's fault."

"That wasn't an option." Edward reminded him.

"Fault hardly matters right now, I think." Jasper pointed out, which I appreciated. "The question is how do we stop it?"

"You don't." I replied. Were they not listening?

"Leandra, you have no idea what you agreed to." Esme's voice was so sad.

"I know." I argued. "I know it sucks, but it was the only choice I could live with."

"Aw, shorty." Emmett sighed eventually.

"It's not something I can just.. Ignore." My tone was still defeated and small. "I've spent the last couple of months trying to see something that will help me prevent what that vision showed me, and now that I see a way to, I'm not about to let the chance just walk away. I do get why you guys are mad at me, but at least you'll be around to _be_ mad at me." My eyes burned in tears that wanted to fall, and I looked down to try to hide them.

I sat there in the silence for a few minutes. Knowing there was no way to get out of this even if I wanted to. I still had five years. I couldn't even begin to imagine what my life would be like in five years.

I knew this wasn't the end of it. Not by far, but this was the last I would probably be scolded for it. From now on, I'd only be told of possible solutions. I knew they wouldn't just sit back and let it happen, but at least for right then, I really hoped they would just drop it because I knew better than anyone the impact of the choice I had made.

"Where's Mikah?" I wondered, suddenly remembering.

"He needed to take a walk." Emmett replied. "Until we get to know him better, his contact with you will be limited at best."

"How are you supposed to get to know him better if he's not supposed to be around me?" I pointed out, and he smirked.

"I have my ways." He narrowed his eyes. "Go take a shower, shorty. You smell like Brazil." I couldn't help smiling a little at the joke as I stood.

"And when you get out.." Jasper said. "We need to discuss your unhealthy fascination with highly venomous creatures." I actually laughed a little at that one on my way to my bedroom. He must have been referring to the snake I was playing with when Alice came back for me. That could also apply to Mikah, which was also amusing.

I took my time. I had a lot to think about.

I managed to get the dirt off of me, but my skin stayed darker from the tan. That would fade in time, I knew, but it didn't look too bad on me. I was still accustomed to shorts and tank tops, so I chose to wear that instead of my normal warm pajamas.

I met my reflection while I brushed my teeth, and barely recognized myself. I didn't overlook the fact that I still felt like I'd finally found my footing. Like I finally understood what it was all supposed to be for, and I felt a million times better. I'd probably never admit that part out loud, but that didn't make it any less true.

I came back out, my wet hair braided down my back, feeling just a little bit more human. I was clean, at least, and the cooler air was a very relieving feeling. Unlike the constantly damp and hot air of Brazil.

The living room had mostly cleared, leaving just Emmett and Alice in the room.

"Nice." Emmett commented, gesturing to me. I was confused at first, until I looked down. Realizing he was referring to the key I still wore. He must not have seen it before I left.

"I never take it off." I replied, sitting on the couch. "I haven't since I got it."

"She wears it all the time." Alice confirmed and Emmett smiled a little. Falling beside me, I yelped as he suddenly scooped me up, hugging me tightly.

"Remind me to punch Jasper." Emmett said, cuddling me and holding onto me as I struggled a little to get away.

"You know our reasons." Alice sat in the chair. I resigned myself to the cuddling, sighing in defeat.

I looked up as Esme and Carlisle entered the room, followed by Jasper, and looked down. I knew what I did was extremely shame worthy, but I couldn't make myself regret it. It was over, and as long as I stuck to my word when I was sixteen, it always would be.

One major problem, however, stood out to me. I couldn't even look at Carlisle anymore. Not without remembering the vision Alice's decision had made me see. I couldn't. Not without feeling the pain and the heartbreak I felt then.

I knew that would eventually change, but I would never be the same after that. Not ever.

Another problem I saw coming, was the sense of detachment I felt already. I was already preparing myself to let them go when I had to leave. I didn't have the same feeling I had before. I still cared about them, more than anything, but I was detaching myself in preparation for the moment Aro returned for me.

I didn't belong there anymore, and as crushing as that realization was, it was going to stay that way. I wouldn't lift a finger to change that. It was the right thing. It was the only way. The vivid images in my head would always be there, and I would use it.

I would trade myself for my family any day.

 **END**

 **A/N: There we have it. I suppose we'll have to see if I can find it in me to fix up the next story. I've been working on the first chapter, and it sure seems promising. Even if it makes me want to smack her.  
THANK YOU! To all my readers and reviewers that have stuck by me through this entire series. I don't think any of you know just how AMAZING I think you are! It's because of you that I was able to get a break from reality now and then.  
** **As I mentioned before, there is another story to this series. Another two, actually, plus quite a few others. I just have to commit myself to finishing it, but I'm not promising anything to anyone. I'm in the process of trying to fix myself, which is surprisingly hard to do when I've got someone else's entire shitty life in my head at the same time.  
** **BUT! I will say that it's a possibility. I just don't know exactly when. (:  
** **Until next time, my beautiful readers!**


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